Chapter Text
Kim Junmyeon was the seven-year-old boy who lived a floor under and three rooms over to five-year-old, Oh Sehun, who was the only son of a young couple that kept the whole building up with their screaming fights late at night. Junmyeon was the only child of a single, high functioning alcoholic mother with no sense of parenting. His mother was good at keeping her addiction a secret, enough to convince the abusive couple to leave her in charge of their child when they went out almost every night. It was really Junmyeon who baby-sitted the boy, while his mother locked herself away in her room to drink. Junmyeon didn’t fully understand or care at the time; Sehun was the first and only friend he ever made and had for a long time.
Sehun always referred to Junmyeon as the “big kid”. He was older and seemed to act more like an adult than anyone else around, which spoke in volume for both of them. Sehun always referred to himself as the “little kid” which didn’t really mean anything to Junmyeon. He always considered Sehun as an equal to him, in both maturity and in character. He often forgot that the boy was younger than him in age, which always left him to be reminded of so when he went to school and had to sit alone. He always wanted Sehun with him, ever since they met and began playing together. He got used to not being alone anymore.
When Sehun came over, he and Junmyeon would just lock themselves in his room, knowing that half the time that Junmyeon’s mother was most likely going to pass out on the living room couch at some point of the night. It didn’t matter really since Sehun’s parents normally never came back to pick their son up till the morning. When they did, it was usually just his mother who was in a very unstable state. She was always muttering under her breath angrily whenever this happened, walking straight into Junmyeon’s room without any acknowledgment and picking her son up before storming out the door again. Junmyeon didn’t understand any of it at the time since he was so young and more focused on the fact his play time with Sehun was abruptly ended. It wasn’t till later on in life when Sehun told him those were the times his mother tried to leave his father, swearing that she had enough. She never fell through with it. They don’t talk about Sehun’s childhood that much after that. They didn’t need too.
The walls of the apartment complex in the shitty neighborhood that they lived in were paper thin, making it easy to hear all the shouting and cursing the couple had every night. For a long time, Junmyeon tried not to listen to them, knowing that he wouldn’t like what he heard. All he cared about was hearing the even louder and closer tapping on his bedroom window. Whenever he heard it, he would sit up and find Sehun at his window, asking to come in. Junmyeon let him in every time and every time Sehun slept with him in his bed that night. It was easier to muffle out the screaming from a distance he guessed.
One night, Sehun came in later than usual, which only made Junmyeon pace in his room in worry. It was going Junmyeon dove into his window to go and get Sehun when he found him there, on fire escape railing, just about to tap on the glass. Junmyeon let him in and told him to never be late like that again. Sehun apologized with a smile, and Junmyeon wasn’t mad anymore.
“You must think I’m pathetic for always running neck to you like this.” He said in a shy tone, as he thought himself as so.
“No, I don’t,” Junmyeon told him. “And I rather you come than not to come at all.”
They grew up together like that: playing with each other during the afternoon and then only parting for a little while till night, when Sehun would come and tap on Junmyeon’s window and then they would go to bed together. It would even linger on into the school year, where Junmyeon and Sehun were separate by grades by together outside of school, riding the bus home and avoiding both of their parents at supper time. Junmyeon came to rely on Sehun just as much as Sehun relied on Junmyeon. It was them against the world in a way. They promised themselves and each other they make it out together, one way or another.
It was when Junmyeon and Sehun were in middle school when things started changing around them. Sehun was starting to hang out with various different groups at school. Most of them had been labeled juvenile delinquents, with their smoking cigarettes and fighting history. Sehun didn’t seem to be officially in any of them, but Junmyeon had seen him conversing with all of them at some point or another, which worried him. He asked Sehun about it eventually, keeping his tone light and friendly, trying not to offend the boy off before getting the answers he craved.
“They’re just some friends. I’m not too close to any of them.” Sehun gave off the reason poorly like he expected Junmyeon to fall for such a weak excuse. He still didn’t push it through, even when Sehun started to skip school and get into fights in the hallways.
Sehun still apart of his life despite it all. Even when he skipped school, Sehun would still be there on the bus, saving him a sit and waiting for him so they could walk home together from the bus stop. And when he wasn’t there on the bus, he was there at his window at night, usually while Junmyeon was doing homework and avoiding his mother. Sehun would tap and he let him in without a second thought. Sehun was the highlight of his day, after all, considering that it was the only time he actually spoke to anyone. Sehun would lay on his bed with him and talk to him about everything and anything. He rarely spent the nights anymore, saying that he was now a “big kid” too. Junmyeon only smiled at the old joke, saying even big kids need a snuggle buddy at night. It was one of the few times Junmyeon ever made or even saw Sehun blush, and he got high knowing that he was the only one who could do that to the boy.
It was when they enter into high school when things got bad. Sehun was spending more and more time outside of school, and when he was in school, he was causing a lot of problems, like causing fights and harassing students. His image and name finally blurred in with the bad kids, and the bad kids were now to be expected to be a forming gang or two. Junmyeon tried to voice his concern again about the matter to him, who only pushed it off, saying he wasn’t that dumb to get that deeply involved. They both knew that he was already that deeply involved.
Junmyeon heard about Sehun’s expulsion when he was sitting in fourth period, right after the fight in the halls happen. It was apparently him and two other boys. One guy claimed he saw Sehun slam one of the boy’s head against the locker and drop him on the ground, cold.
The news spread fast after the fight and only confirmed Junmyeon’s fears when Sehun wasn’t on the bus. He walked back home and heard all the fighting instantly as he entered into the building. The screaming was mixed with the sound of objects being thrown and the walls shaking from the blow delivered to them. It continued on throughout most of the day and night, and at one point, Sehun thought he heard the whole kitchen collapse form the amount of shattering glass that he heard. It was even enough to wake his mother from her midday blackout, and that was really saying something.
The screaming eventually stopped and his nerves only set more on end. The silence was never better. The silence was the worst part of the storm.
It was later at night went Sehun finally came to his window, which Junmyeon jumped on to answer. He practically pulled the boy in and asked him if he was okay. He saw the dried blood surrounding the cut on his cheek, near his eye, and nearly swore.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere else?” He reached his hand up to his face but Sehun took hold of his wrist before he could and brought it back down.
“It’s alright. It’s nothing major.” Sehun told him in an oddly calm voice. It sounded as if his throat hurt with the raspy tone underneath.
“Are you sure?” Junmyeon asked. He was having trouble thinking with Sehun’s hand still holding his. “Are you really okay? After all that?”
“Yeah. They’ll get over it. They never care that much anyway.” Sehun said in a tone to emotionless for comfort.
Junmyeon looks for any kind of remorse or fear or anger in his face, but only finds the same stoic mask he always wore around other people. He never took it off, in fear of letting people see him weak. He and Sehun knew that was just how the younger boy was, it was his way of operating. He hid it all away; even hiding it from Junmyeon sometimes. But he knew it was there, below the hard, cold eyes and firm straight lip line.
“Did they really expel you?” Junmyeon asked him the fearful question.
Sehun looked down at that. “I guess news really does travel fast. I was hoping to get to you before you figured out from someone else.”
“I heard it from some other kids in class. You know how it is, fights are always something to talk about.”
“Funny how I’m always in them.” Sehun seemed bitter about the statement.
Junmyeon felt sorry for the other boy. Yeah, he did it to himself and he should have known better, but he was a kid who grew up with shitty parents like him and just didn’t know how to act normally and easily with other since he was never exposed to them. Junmyeon knew that didn’t excuse his behavior, but he was biased. Whenever he looked at Sehun, he still saw the eyes of a little kid who liked to smile too big and laugh too loud. He was still his friend, which meant he was always on his side, despite it all, right or wrong.
Junmyeon hugs the boy in front of him without announcement (he already knew he had permission too) and held him tight. Sehun was never really comfortable with hugging anyone, and Junmyeon knew that, but sometimes the boy needed one, but he would never ask for it, considering it a thing that he wasn’t meant to do (and sometimes Junmyeon just wanted to).
His face was pressed against just below his collarbone, feeling the warmth heat up his cheek and nose. Sehun loosely wrapped his arms around his back, not wanting to come off appreciative of the sudden affection, but Junmyeon knew better by the way he put his head down and buried his nose and lips into his hair. He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, giving Junmyeon time to feel the way his chest moved and how his listening to his heartbeat. He couldn’t tell who need this more at that moment.
Junmyeon’s biggest fear was that this won’t exist after tonight. That eventually Sehun would begin to fade away from his life now, and he would lose him forever. He was afraid that Sehun would become more invested into the bad crowd now, to actually become one of the members of the gangs he hung out with, and eventually become a criminal. He didn’t want that for him. He wanted him to be okay and happy in life like he always deserves but never got at home. Junmyeon just wants to take care of him. He wanted him here, but he knew he couldn’t force that onto the boy, or else he's like everyone else in his life: selfish and damaging.
They stayed like that for a while, to the point that Junmyeon started mindlessly slowly tracing the tip of his finger up and down the line of Sehun’s spine. He noticed down deep it was in his lower back area and how toned the muscles under his skin felt. He didn’t know that Sehun was that fit; he didn’t even know he worked out. It was hard to tell, underneath all of his dark and shapeless clothing.
Junmyeon only looked up to his face when he felt a couple of soft fingers in his hair, combing lightly over his brown curls. He watched Sehun’s face go hard to soft once he made eye contact with him. His eyes shined and he looked like that little kid again that Junmyeon still thinks about. He thinks that he is the only one who remembered him sometimes.
“You…” Sehun shakes his head. “You and your damn poodle hair.”
Junmyeon lets himself giggle at the statement. Sehun used to always refer to his unruly hair to the fur of a poodle’s coat. Sehun smiles along with him.
Sehun doesn’t stay with him that night, no matter how much Junmyeon insisted. He nearly begs, but Sehun says he has to go and take care of things. He told him that he would see him later on, and Junmyeon wonders if he even realizes what this means for them.
Sehun doesn’t come to his room that much after that, but he still makes his way into Junmyeon’s life every once in a while. Whenever he went to the library after school to work on homework, he was there when he was walking back home in the dark. He would just be walking by himself, keeping his head down and not seeing any of the shady action happening around him when someone would call out for him in a hushed tone. He would turn and Sehun would be there, in his leather jacket and dirty jeans, like he was there behind him the whole time.
Junmyeon would greet him with a smile, happy to see him like always. Sehun would walk him home then, throwing an arm over his shoulders and nearly making him suffocate on his body scent and heat. He loved it, even if it was deadly.
One night, near the end of the year, they were walking in the late night, taking lazy steps towards complex, leaning on each other for support before returning to hell. Junmyeon did, at least. Sehun never followed him in afterward, saying he always had other things to do.
“What are you doing out here at this hour of the night?” Junmyeon asked him softly, not wanting to go back.
“I work the night shift at my job.” Sehun gave him that answer in such a weird tone.
“Then why aren’t you at work now?” Junmyeon knew he couldn’t ask him the real question he wanted to know: What job?
Sehun didn’t look at him for a second before answering. “I’m on break.”
It was such a bullshit answer, but Junmyeon didn’t push.
Senior year of high school starts soon enough, making Junmyeon work extra hard on everything since he had the chance of getting a scholarship at a local community college he wanted to go to. It wasn’t much to anyone else but Junmyeon saw it as his way out, and he would be damn if he loses it. He had to make perfect grades this semester. Straight A’s to get the tuition money since he knew that his mother couldn’t afford it with her wine budget being so demanding.
One night, Junmyeon was working on his paper for a group project due within the end of that week. His partner was a football player who was too busy partying with the cheerleaders to actually do his part of the assignment. Junmyeon signed deeply as he decided to begin the outline for his part. He was annoyed, to say the least.
It wasn’t long after till he heard the tapping at his window. He turned to find Sehun there, looking at him with a raised finger. Junmyeon let him in which was harder than normal since Sehun wasn’t that small anymore. He grunted as he made his way out the opening.
“A little pit stop after work?” Junmyeon cheekily asked him.
“Before work.” Sehun joked without a smile. He glanced over to his desk. “Still studying?”
Junmyeon follows him to the bed as he tells him about his workload. He also complained about his partner, knowing that Sehun won’t find him stupid or annoying for being irked. That was always a concern without people. That’s one thing they truly agreed on: there will always be people there to judge them, so might as well find someone who won’t. For Junmyeon, that was Sehun and Sehun alone (even though Junmyeon sometimes wondered if he still had him).
Sehun asks who his partner is, and Junmyeon tells him, even going into detailing about his physical traits so Sehun could remember him from his time in school.
“You want me to fuck him up for ya?” Sehun asked him, leaving Junmyeon baffled.
Sehun said it like he could do it because he has done it before and didn’t mind doing it again. Even kind of wanting it in a way.
Junmyeon noticed (again) how muscular Sehun was, even more so than before, and how there were even more faded scars on his face and arms that the older boy didn’t recall seeing before then. He swallowed at the thoughts inside him heads.
It seemed like an illusion to Junmyeon. Sehun wasn’t some uncontrollably violent delinquent on the streets fighting people for fun. He was his little kid. He was the sweet little kid who was his best friend. Junmyeon could only see him like that, despite the heavy and dangerous look in Sehun’s eyes at the offer. It was a business persona, but for mean and shady business. Junmyeon wondered again about his night shift job.
Sehun lit up a cigarette and took a puff of it. “I can do it, you know.”
“I know,” Junmyeon assured him quickly. “But it’s okay. It’s just a paper.”
Sehun asked if he was sure and Junmyeon assisted him again. He didn’t really like the kid, but he didn’t want to have his partner end up with a black eye over a few words about history. Junmyeon watched as Sehun shrugged and huffed more out of his cigarette. Junmyeon didn’t care for the smell of smoke.
“Have you gotten into more fights since school?” Junmyeon asked him quietly, trying to not sound disapproving.
“Yeah,” Sehun answered with a guarded tone.
“How many?”
“A good few.”
“Have you won any of them?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you lost any of them?”
“No,” Sehun answered without hesitation. That made Junmyeon believe him more, but still not fully.
“None at all?” He asked again, a little bit in disbelief.
Sehun only shook his head.
“Why did you get into those fights?” Junmyeon dared himself to ask him. This is the most they’ve ever talked about Sehun’s fighting career (he didn’t even realize it was a career till now), and he wanted to know if it was really as bad as he thought it was.
Sehun shrugged again. “Why not?”
Sehun always said that whenever he didn’t want to answer something he didn’t want to talk about. Even as a little kid.
Junmyeon let himself smile at the memory in his head. “I’m sorry. This might offend you, but I can’t see you in a fight and winning.”
Sehun raised a brow to him with the cigarette still in his mouth, like he was just challenged in a fight.
Junmyeon smiled sweetly to him. “I still see you as that little kid who got his hand stuck in an empty jar of peanut butter.”
“Oh, my God!” Sehun called out. Junmyeon laughed his ass off. “I can still feel it sometimes you know. Like the rims on my wrist from when you were tugging on it to get it off.”
“And then it cuts you and we both screamed.” They laughed together at-the-time horrifying moment. It took a lot of pulling and tears to get the jar off Sehun’s wrist, who was scared about getting in trouble, maybe even more than Junmyeon was.
Sehun left him that night but let him hold his hand the whole time he was there.
Senior year goes by (with Junmyeon’s partner unharmed thankfully) and Junmyeon graduates. He is the first in his family to do so, causing his aunt to throw him a party at the celebration. It was apparently a bigger deal than he realized beforehand since his mother stays sober long enough for not only the ceremony but also the party itself. The gathering was small and noiseless really, but it meant a lot to everyone around him. Junmyeon didn’t mind it.
His family sat in his apartment’s tiny living room and talked as his smaller cousins ran around and cause problems. His mother was sitting with his aunt and such but not talking, probably trying to think of a way to sneak some wine in her glass without anyone watching. None of them know yet that Junmyeon received the scholarship he wanted or even the fact that he was going to college. They only expected him to graduate, but he wanted more from himself than that.
One of the saddest things there was the fact that Sehun wasn’t there, despite the invite that Junmyeon left for him outside his door. He felt somewhat alone in the crowded room as they all talked over him like he wasn’t there, to begin with. He used to it at this point.
It wasn’t till Junmyeon went to his bedroom to take off his shoes when he saw his window’s sunlight being blocked off by a laying dark figure on the fire escape stairwell.
Junmyeon went straight over the window, slightly alarmed. He squeezed his way to the railing outside and found Sehun laying there in a peaceful state.
“Sehun.” Junmyeon shook him. “Sehun!”
The younger jolted at the demand and looked up to Junmyeon with wide eyes. They were red with dark heavy bags underneath them.
“Hey, Myeonie.” Sehun groaned as he stood up and yawned. “I didn’t see you in the room so I decided to wait for ya.”
“And to take a nap out here when it chilly and cloudy?” Junmyeon asked him as he observes the weather outside. It felt out of place since it was late May. He recalled again that his birthday was near, but then pushed the thought out of his head.
Sehun smiled as he stretched, exposing some of his stomach of pale muscle. “Sorry.”
“You’re fine.” Junmyeon heard the squeak in his own voice.
Sehun then threw his arm around him, holding him by the shoulder, pulling him close and smiling brightly down on him (or as brightly as he could without showing teeth).
“I’m so proud of you, hyung. I really am.” He said in a soft tone.
Junmyeon smiled as he rested his head to his shoulder and looked up to him.
“Thank you.”
“You’ve made it a lot farther than I have at least. You’re going to be something great in your life.”
Junmyeon didn’t respond to the words that Sehun told him because a voice inside him told him to not trust that. Funny how it resembled his mother’s voice in drunken slurs.
Junmyeon moved away from his hold but took his hand as he moved back towards the window. “Come inside and stay awhile.”
“Nah. I can’t. I only meant to stop by.” Sehun pulled his hand back and the voice inside his head told him that that was the evidence of his untruthful words. He pushed it out of his mind for now.
“Please. Just five minutes.” Junmyeon asked him.
“I can’t. I have somewhere to be soon. My job starts at dark.” The sun was near settled.
“Just one piece of cake and you can go.” Junmyeon tried to bargain. “Please?”
Sehun only looked down, where Junmyeon could clearly see the deep and dark bags under his eyes and his messy greasy hair. He wondered when was the last time Sehun had a real proper shower and a full night of rest in a warm bed.
“Maybe some other time.” Sehun reached out again and hugged the smaller boy. Junmyeon sunk into the touch and embraced him. He held a bit too tight for his own good since he missed it more when they parted. He just wanted to take care of him.
He could feel how far they have grown apart from the lack of information that Sehun tells him about anything. His job was a mystery, his living conditions were unknown, and anything else that Junmyeon could think about made him want to just vomit from worry. He watches Sehun climb down railing like he always did and jump down onto the ground and walk away from him into the street.
Junmyeon goes to college in the fall. Somehow, his mother came up with the leftover amount to pay for his tuition and he nearly cries in happiness. He can tell that she’s getting better with the way she talks and acts. She gets a job somewhere and even though she’s not home when Junmyeon comes in, late that night, he convinces himself that he knows she’s not drinking.
The first semester passes off with breeze and Junmyeon seems to be enjoying his life for the first time in a long time. He likes his classes and all the freedom that comes with it. He never felt more alive, despite the times he doesn’t see Sehun at night. It had been a long time since he heard from the boy. He even went out to the library one night, just so he could walk back to see him, but Sehun never came.
Christmas break comes and seems to become the downfall to his climax. It started when Junmyeon’s mother comes into his room late one night, looking droopy and buzzy. She nearly falls when she leans down to sit on his bed. He smells the alcohol on her breath before he delivers him the massive blow.
She tells him that she can’t afford to send him back to school because Sehun refuses to loan her more money till she completely pays him back for the first one.
A part of Junmyeon is understanding. Another is disappointed. But mostly, he is upset. Because he knows, deep down, that this was coming.
Another part of him is surprised. He didn’t have the slightest clue of Sehun being involved in any of this, much less on how he got that kind of money for tuition. He couldn’t even think about what the boy did for it, especially if he’s just working the night shift somewhere.
That following day, Junmyeon makes his way to Sehun’s bedroom window, sticking a neon green note on there saying, “I NEED YOU”. It’s about an hour later, just right about when it got dark outside for the night when Sehun came to tapping on his window. He wasn’t smiley or cute like normally as he started at Junmyeon through the window. He was focused and concerned. Junmyeon could tell by his intense stare and deep frown.
“What wrong?” He asked in a serious tone of voice that Junmyeon never heard him use before.
Junmyeon walked and looked up to him, mustarding up all the confidence he had in him to work this out. He could make everything right if his plan went the way it should. He could convince Sehun into what he wants if he stayed strong (which was always harder said than done).
“I’m sorry.” He started out. “I will pay you back every penny when I graduate if you could just loan me the money-“
“That fucking-“ Sehun is instantly pissed. Junmyeon watched the anger rise up in his dark eyes like gasoline being tossed into a flame. He doesn’t let the older boy finished as he moved away from him and aimed for the door leading him into the living room where his mother was. Junmyeon runs over to the door the same time Sehun starts marching over, trying to stop him from making a bigger mess out of it all. He got in front of the other boy and tried to stop his force as he turned to face him but got pushed into the door, either way, bagging his head on it.
“Shit!” Sehun swears out. He grabs Junmyeon’s head, placing his palms over Junmyeon’s aching spot. “Are you okay? Myeonie? I’m so sorry, Myeonie.”
Junmyeon peeks out then to see Sehun and wonders when he grew taller than him, with his back against the door and his vision a bit blurry.
He also sees the boy aged back about ten years. He was his little kid again, all wide-eyed and anxious over him (All he needed to do was beg and say, ‘Please don’t tell your mom on me!’ and Junmyeon would have been convinced they traveled back in time).
But that expression on his face meant more than anything to Junmyeon because it meant that his friend Sehun was still in there. He was afraid he lost him forever. That meant he could use him to his advantage now.
“Just let me talk.” He said steadily. His head did truly hurt, making his skull throb slightly. It was a bit difficult to think. “Okay?”
“Okay. I’m sorry. I’m sorry… Okay.” Sehun nodded along. He’s still carefully tracing the back of his head, looking like Junmyeon just nearly died right before him with big sad eyes. Funny how he was the tough one out of the two of them.
Junmyeon rests his hands on his chest, trying not to lose focus from how his nose almost bods with Sehun’s chin. “ You gave my mother the money for my tuition this semester?”
“Yes. This one and the next.” Sehun answers him eagerly.
Junmyeon stops before he could even begin to ask the next planned question in his mind. He doesn’t know how to breathe.
“Wait. What?” He is baffled. “The next?”
“Yeah,” Sehun answered again. “I gave her the money two weeks ago before you came back from school.”
Everything crushes around him then. Junmyeon suddenly feels like the throbbing in his head tenfold as he realizes what was just stated and what it meant. He feels disappointed and unsurprised again.
“If you already gave her the money…” Junmyeon can’t finish the statement. He doesn’t need to. Sehun knows what it means when he pulls away from him. Junmyeon looks away from Sehun, embarrassed. They both accept then that the money is gone.
“I should have known. I smelt it one her breath earlier and I didn’t even think…”
“Hey, this isn’t your fault Myeonie. None of this is your fault at all.” Sehun pulled him in close by his shoulders, making their foreheads touch before vaguely hugging him in comfort. He falls into the movement again, not realizing his actions till after he already commits them.
“I was going to ask you to loan the money to me in my name and let me pay you back once I graduate and get a steady job,” Junmyeon explained the plan to him. It was more of an attempt to calm himself down than anything. Funny how that never works out for him. “She said that you won’t loan her any more money till she paid you back for the first time.”
“Woah, Woah now.” Sehun stops his ramble from there. “I didn’t loan her the money. I gave it to her. I wasn’t expecting any of it back.”
Junmyeon only thought of it as even worse a second later. It was worse because that only confirmed more of his mother’s relapse. Junmyeon’s first thought was of how Sehun could have used that money for him but instead gave it to Junmyeon in hopes of his bright future. Like he actually believed in him.
“Sehun…”
“No. Oh no. Stop that.” The taller boy points a finger at him in warning. “Stop that right now.”
“But…”
“No. Don’t do that.” He warned him again. “Just think of it as like… not a scholarship but that other thing…” He waves his hand around him while he thinks.
“A grant?” Junmyeon offered.
“Yeah, that.” Sehun finally finds the right word. “Just think of it as a grant from me.”
Junmyeon doesn’t know what to say. He feels overwhelmed at that moment with so many emotions. But he feels touched by the kind action, even with Sehun’s modest covering over it. He did this for him. He doesn’t know how, but Sehun, the big bad boy who fights and smokes, did this unbelievably kind and generous thing for him.
Sehun notices his stare and hardens his glare down on him. He was no longer the sweet-hearted softie. He was the edgy bad boy that didn’t do feeling.
“Look, out of the two of us, you’re the only one getting anywhere so just think of it as me doing my part-.”
He stops when Junmyeon hugs him again. He clings on tightly onto his torso, that he could feel being defined and hard underneath his clothing. He sinks his head down onto the crook of his neck and just holds him there. He feels contained, inhaling his breath without any source of exhaling, making his chest tight and hard, but he safe and happy and he only cared about that in the whole disaster.
Sehun holds him back, his arm loses tossed over his lower back as he leans his head onto his, and slowly begins swaying side to side, out and lost in the moment like him.
They part away from each other, and Junmyeon leaves a peck on his cheek right as Sehun moves his head away from him and the embrace. The younger boy looks down at him in slight alarm.
“You’re so sweet.” Junmyeon left that as his only attempt of reasoning for his actions.
Sehun’s dark eyes slim down into slants with soft gleams in them. He seems unfazed and aware, but he could tell the younger boy was wondering and pondering in the back of his mind.
Junmyeon lifted himself up on his tippy toes when Sehun moved his head downward. He didn’t think about it then and didn’t think about it when his lips met his, leaving him with a titled head and heated neck.
It was slow and innocent at first, shy and short-lived like they were both just flicking at the flame instead of grabbing it. They soon dove in when licked his bottom lip, asking for entry in a soft sweet gesture. Junmyeon let him in, opening his own mouth without hesitation.
It soon turns more, with the grabbing of waist and clothes. He felt Sehun’s teeth against his swirling tongue, making him breath hinder a bit at the exciting motion. He found himself to be pushed back against the door, his back hitting it but not his head, since Sehun cupped his hand back over his previous wound, protecting him from another blast as he kissed him more. It lasted like that for a while before Sehun suddenly pulls away from him.
“I have to go.” He stated suddenly. He was breathing heavily and looking frantically around him.
“What?” Junmyeon asked him in confusion.
“I have to go.” Sehun started to move towards the window.
“What? Wait!” Junmyeon grabbed a hold onto him and pulled him back towards him. He needed him to stop moving toward his exit. “What just happened? Why do you have to leave?”
“I just have too.”
“Why?”
“Just cause.”
“Why? What are you leaving for?”
“My job.”
“What job?”
“I’ll tell you later.”
Junmyeon felt his blood boil at the vague and directionless answers he was receiving. This wasn’t fair and this wasn’t okay by his standards. He had enough.
“Please don’t leave, Sehun.” Junmyeon forcefully begged him. He let the desperation leak out of his tone. “We still need to talk. We haven’t solved any of this.”
“I have to go now.” Sehun only implied again. “I didn’t realize how late it was. I have to be there, or else they’ll all kill each other.”
The seriousness in his voice was steady and strong, like the truth that was suddenly slapping Junmyeon in the face. He knew he meant that in all of its realness. It scared him shitless.
“What does that even mean?” Junmyeon asked again. “What are you doing out there, Sehun?”
“I’ll tell you later.”
“Tell me now!”
Sehun already had a leg out the window when Junmyeon let his outbreak sound off in the intense air between them. It was still and quiet for a moment as they stayed right where they were. Sehun was looking down and away from him while he consumed all of Junmyeon’s sight and mind.
He didn’t understand anything that was happening around him and he was completely lost when it came to Sehun, which scared him more than anything. He had no clue what was happening in Sehun’s life or what he was actually doing out there with those gang members and criminals. He was tired of not knowing; it was eating him away every day in a mix of worry and fear and hurt. He just wanted Sehun back in his life like he was before. He didn’t want in the dark anymore. He wanted Sehun to confide in him again as he did before all those years ago. Junmyeon told him everything and more in and about his life, and he doesn’t understand why he slowly started losing that exchange from the other side. He didn’t want them to disconnect into the oblivion.
“We’ll talk about all of this tomorrow.” Sehun finally spoke up and decided. “I promise.”
“Promise. Tomorrow. ” Junmyeon confirmed to him with a nob before watching him move again to leave him in his room for the night. “Just be safe, okay?”
“I will be.” Sehun condoned him before finally running off into the railing and fading out into the night. Junmyeon was left to cling onto the small hope he had felt in him.
Junmyeon waits for him that next day. He barely sleeps and doesn’t leave his room for the whole day, just in case Sehun jumps down onto his railing and window. He waited into the afternoon, till nighttime, and finally till its officially the next day, and then he even waits an hour past that. Sehun is nowhere in sight.
Junmyeon was unbelievable raging at this point. He was angry. Sehun promised him…
Junmyeon wasn't thinking straight at this point (or so he liked to think he wasn’t) since he decided to grabbed his winter coat and go out looking for the boy himself. He was tired of waiting, having to be patient enough till ‘later’ came along. Junmyeon decided that ‘later’ was now.
He walked out into the empty and cold street, beginning his search for Sehun. He couldn’t be too hard to find. They already lived in the shitty part of town, so he had to be nearby.
Junmyeon walked around the city for what seemed like forever. He was secretly hoping that Sehun would show up mysteriously behind him like all those times he did before when Junmyeon was walking home from the library. It didn’t happen.
Junmyeon was pretty much lost when he approached an alleyway full of people lurking in the shadows inside of it. As he came closer, he could see them all standing around metal tins and trash cans with a flaming fire inside them, as they passed around a bottle or cigarette amongst each other. The people inside didn’t look up to him at first, but then he came closer, close enough to hear the snickering and the names they were calling him, they lifted their heads up and glared at him, like a form of intimidation. Junmyeon didn’t realize this until it was too late.
“Hey, you!” A random thug called him out. His voice was deep and it struck Junmyeon down to the core. “The fuck you looking at buddy!?”
The thug was taller than him and towered over him with power. Junmyeon was caught off guard and bad with strangers as is. This was not a good spot for him to be in by any means.
“I- 'm leaving. I don’t mean t-to… I didn’t s-see anything.” Junmyeon was at a scramble for words to get him the fuck out of there.
The thug smiled at him almost easily. “Well get a closer look than.”
He took his hold onto Junmyeon arms and pulled him into the alley against him movement to run away. He was overpowered and was not scared for what was about to happen for him.
“Come to see the fresh meat I got here!” The thug called out to the other people around him. There was more of them than Junmyeon originally saw, most of them older looking and hiding within the deep dark depths of the shadows.
A few approach him and the taller man, who still held onto his arm with an iron fist that he could break away from. Panic was restricting his throat and fear was bubbling up his stomach.
“Please. Just please, let me go.” Junmyeon asked in the niceness way he could as they all gathered around him, laughing and calling him vulgar terms. They left he pleads to be ignored, which scared him the most.
“Such a pretty boy. Taking a little trip down here to flaunt your looks? Looking for some action?”
“You trying to get it or give it pretty boy?”
“Looks like he could be nice and tight.”
“You can defiantly tell he’s a looker, but a clean one. We can change that for ya if you want.”
“Maybe he’s hiding a pussy under there? That be a nice change of sensory.”
The commentary only got worse from there. They soon started overlapping one another and overpowering any kind of focus that he had on the situation. He was becoming confused and losing track of what was happening around him. They close the gap between them in the circle formation and to himself. He didn’t even see the first hit coming.
He soon found himself on the ground with a hurting stomach and no air in his lungs. He clenched onto his abdomen while the people around him began to kick and spit on him. He curled himself up, fighting against the pain that sprouted up from one place to another till it eventually was everywhere. He involuntary let out a whimper and a few tears. He hated himself for that.
He didn’t feel the pain stop after the kicking and hitting ended, due to a dominate shout casting over to where they were. Junmyeon couldn’t hear the actually order over the ringing in his own ears but he could tell they it was someone else in charge since they all stopped the action. He tried to push himself up with his arm to look behind him, but his vision was blurry and his breathing was struggling. He could taste blood in his mouth. He just fell back down onto the concrete.
“Y’all know the rules. No horrifying outsiders during a meeting-“
The order was suddenly cut off by the distant sound of shoving bodies and racing footsteps. Junmyeon suddenly felt himself turning over on the ground looking up and opening his eyes to a blurry image of someone over him. He recognized it as Sehun, with his eyes widen in shock and his mouth open in fear, a second before his face scrunched up in rage. His eyes narrowed into heated daggers and his jaw stiffen and shook in anger.
Junmyeon was still in a state of unfocused when he saw Sehun turn toward Junmyeon’s right and yell at the people who did this to him. He could barely read Sehun’s lips that demanded to know who did this. He almost lost all consciousness when he sees Sehun stand up and step over him, his arm outreach and his teeth baring.
He didn’t turn his head into time to see where or who were making the grunts and moans of pain. He could have sworn he heard a bone snap. It scared him enough to snap out of it all enough to turn his head and see Sehun throwing the thug on the ground, who laid there weak and limp.
Junmyeon though that that was the end, he told himself that. Then Sehun takes the other man by his hair, mainly at the back of the head and rubs his face in a back and forth, side to side notion on the concrete. Blood was soon smeared on the gray payment.
Sehun pulled the guy’s head up to see his now scrapped up and bloody face. Junmyeon realized then that his mustache was gone too.
Sehun picked up the boy again, ignoring his pleads for mercies before tossing his up and completely over the length of the alleyway. He landed in one of the fire cans, knocking it over and scattering away to avoid the flames. Only then did the people act out and tried to help the boy.
Junmyeon, in his dazed, didn’t know what to do. He didn’t even have time to think about what to do before he felt a tug on his arm, and then pulled up and held against someone else. His legs were tucked up and away from him and there was support his mid back. He realized that someone was carrying him and now walking out into the street with the harsh yellow street light. He finally blacked out then.
Junmyeon woke up in a different place. A room with bright lights and bare brick walls. He tried to sit up to only lower himself down again once he felt a sharp pain in his ribs. He realized then that the was laying on a metal table, like a patient in a hospital. He was on guard then.
He looked around him again, the best he could with the resurfacing pain shooting through multiple places on his body.
“Calm down, son. You got a bruised rib that isn’t going to heal if you keep moving like that.”
Junmyeon jumped at the sudden voice. He snapped his head over to the dark side of the room where he could make out a tall and slim figure working over something with his back turned towards him.
“Who are you?” Junmyeon asked him. “Where am I?”
“You’re in the refinery. And my name is Lay.” The man turned to him, and Junmyeon realizes that he couldn’t really be any older than he is. He held a bottle in one hand and something covered in his palm in the other hand.
“Refinery?”
“Yes. It’s here for all of the injuries gang members.” Lay explained as he went to the tools on the spare table beside him. Junmyeon was already thinking about making a run for it if he tried to use any of them on him. He didn’t trust this guy.
“Are you a doctor?” Junmyeon asked him.
“I’m a medical student studying to be a doctor. It’s not exactly legal for me to be treating you as a doctor but I’m the best you got here, kid. Take it or leave it.” Lay finally turned to him, handing him a cup of water and one little blue pill. Junmyeon didn’t take it.
“It will make the pain go away for a while.” Lay offered it to him again.
Junmyeon still refused.
“Kid, it's Advil.”
Junmyeon remained nonmoving.
Lay signed deeply. He put the stuff down and picked up a wet rag.
Junmyeon watched him carefully as he tried to put the rag on top of his head. He moved away from his touch.
“Come on, kid.” Lay looked at him harshly. “I don’t think dried blood looks good on you. Just let me do my job.”
Junmyeon looked long and hard at him. He looked nicer than the rest of the thugs he encountered earlier. He had less scares on his face and a decent light in his eyes that could have been taken as sweet and welcoming. Junmyeon let him go on with his work.
They were silent as Lay checked his wounds and such. Junmyeon only sat there and tried to not think about what he just went through. He was thankful in a way it wasn’t worse, considering how it could have gone with the way all those men talked around him. He was thankful it stopped after what seemed like forever, but he can’t forget about how Sehun’s face changed. He couldn’t get the image out of his head. It was horrifying and unreal. Sehun was his little kid, not some gang member that beats the sit out of boys.
A part of him reminded himself that it was because of him, in order to protect Junmyeon. He was legit getting the shit beat out of him.
He recalled when they were kids, and how Sehun always said he wanted to take care of Junmyeon like how he always took care of him. Junmyeon didn’t think much of it at the time, he didn’t see himself being the only person around to actually raise Sehun, be he sees that now (he has for a while) and he begins to wonder when it all led down to this. Now Sehun was the one protecting him, without him even realizing it.
“So, which group are you apart of?” Lay asked him, cutting him off from his new founded discovery.
“Excuse me?”
“Which gang are you apart of, kid?” Lay asked again like it was as simple as asking what his last name was. As if it wasn’t a crime or anything.
“I-I’m not a part of any gang.” Junmyeon gave him the best answer he could think of.
“Then how did you end up in that fight with that one guy?” Lay asked him.
“I don’t know. He just grabbed me…”
“Sucker didn’t even have the balls to challenge you to your face?” Lay only shrugged, like he had his own view on that. “I guess you gave him what he deserved. He looked pretty bad from when I treated him earlier.”
“I-I didn’t fight him…”
“Then who did?”
Junmyeon knew he shouldn’t give away Sehun’s name, just in case. “My friend.” He came up with that.
“Who’s your friend? Cause he didn’t some serious damage.”
Junmyeon stayed quieted. He didn’t want to get Sehun in trouble.
“Kid, I know all the boys in every group. I’m going to find out who your little friend is one way or another. And rather quickly too.”
Lay turned away from him to grab something else and Junmyeon decides to finally admit defend.
“Sehun…” He nearly whispered.
Lay looked over to him instantly. Junmyeon turned to him as well, not liking his raised brow in somewhat acknowledgment.
“Let me get this straight: that little fucker did this to you.” He gestured to Junmyeon’s injuries. “And then Sehun made it where I had to put twenty stitches in his face. But you’re not in a gang at all?”
Junmyeon nodded. He didn’t know what all of this meant in all honesty.
“Ahh, so you’re an manjil su eobsneun then.” Lay suddenly nods with a smirk, like he finally puts the pieces together. “I would have figured and guessed that earlier if I knew Sehun got involved.”
Junmyeon felt instantly lost at the fifth word. That went completely over his head and beyond. “What’s… that thing you said?”
“Manjil su eobsneun.” Lay repeated. “It means ‘untouchable’. They are the love ones of the gang members here, like family and friends. You don’t touch the untouchables. That makes business turn personal and that’s the number one rule to not break.”
Junmyeon felt shivers go down his spine. This was way more serious than he thought. He didn’t realize that more than common laws were broken here.
“I didn’t even know Sehun had anyone he could label as untouchable, in all honesty,” Lay stated as he offered the water and pill again. This time, Junmyeon took it but was still slightly hesitant.
There was a knock on the door then. Before Lay could say anything, Sehun opens the door and lets himself in. Lay looks between the two as they stare down at each other.
“I’ll give you two a minute alone.” He tried to smile to ease up the tension. “He’s good by the way. His bones are strong like they never been broken before.” He smirks with Sehun like it’s an inside joke before walking out.
Sehun turns back to Junmyeon, his glare and mean look fully on. It’s like he pulled out his best mask for him.
“Put down your little gangster façade, Sehun. I’m not afraid of you.” Junmyeon had enough.
“Why?” That only pissed Sehun off more. “Why would you go looking for me like that? Why would you even think of going there?!”
“You said we would talk.” Junmyeon forced back.
“I got held up. I’m sorry. But you cannot go looking for me just because of that!”
“I waited all day for you and you didn’t show up! You said you be there and we would talk!”
“You could have been killed tonight!”
“I wouldn’t have gone out there if you just talk to me!”
“I don’t even know what that means!”
“I want you to talk to me, Sehun!” Junmyeon finally let out. His voice cracked and his eyes began to water. His stomach turned and he felt defeated. “I just want us to talk again like we used to!”
Sehun turns away from him and walked in the direction towards the door. He didn’t walk out, he turned the corner before that, his hands rubbing his face, but it was still enough to make Junmyeon panic. Junmyeon let himself begin to cry then.
“I know you don’t like anyone or anything and I know that’s mainly because of fear. And I know you have issues and that you have doubts but for God’s sake Sehun, please don’t shut me out!”
“What do you want from me then?!”
“I want you to trust me!” He was crying now. Fully sobbing with snot and tears. “I’ve been there for you for everything! I’ve been through it all! I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to so just trust me! Just trust me, you damn asshole!”
It was silent between them for a long time. Sehun didn’t say anything and that only made Junmyeon cry harder. He shut his eyes tightly, trying to stop himself from falling apart and breaking down in public but he couldn’t help it. He just hated all of this. He just wanted Sehun back. He wanted his little kid back.
Junmyeon knew when Sehun began to move towards him, and he knew that he should pull back and not give in easily but he does without any kind of regards of regret. He fell into the enlacing arms around him and he laid his head back into his shoulder so that he could smell his scent and feel his body heat. He holds onto him as tight as he could, but he was weak and beaten down emotionally and mentally. That’s why Sehun was here anyway; he was always there for him when he really needed him.
Sehun petted the back of his head down to his neck, smoothing out his soft hair with his palm. He put his lips near Junmyeon’s ear, who sobs were starting to spread out from each other and calm down. He was breathing again, and things seemed to get lighter along with the air. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. We’ll talk. We’ll talk about it all. Here and now and everything. I’m sorry, baby.”
That was everything and more to Junmyeon. It was all he cared about.