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Blue sky.
White clouds.
The smell of the ocean.
Sand slipping between his fingers.
Nagito Komaeda cannot comprehend how he got here again. Again, is it? He certainly feels as though he's been here before but what he recalls is...
"Hey, can you hear me?" somebody speaks, casting a shadow over Nagito as he lies in the sand.
Brown spikey hair. Piercing red eyes. Something isn't quite right about the visage of the boy staring at him, but just like how he both does and does not know where this beach is Nagito can't exactly place what's wrong. But only one look at the other boy sends a jolt of electricity through his body; his brain sending a signal that as long as this person is around everything really will be okay. It's calming in a way he hasn't felt in.... how long?
"Steady now," the other boy speaks again. He kneels down to squeeze Nagito's shoulder as he sits up.
What was this person's name again? Nagito presses his hand against his head, it really is quite annoying to feel like all this information is right there and yet inaccessible. He sighs.
"Here," the boy says offering his left hand. "We should get back to the hotel, there's something I want you to see."
Obviously this person also knows him too. Nagito wonders what his relationship with him is. If they were close that would explain why he's so calming to be around, but no that doesn't make sense either because of course his luck would take away anyone close to him. Unless perhaps this memory loss is due to a luck related incident? That would make sense, and thinking of that makes the world feel like it's clicked into place just a little bit. That's right, in a lifetime of chaotic incidents this is just another facet of the luck Nagito Komaeda possesses.
"Ah, thank you," he finally replies, satisfied with his assessment of his situation. He then lifts his arm to grasp the boy's hand with his own
his own
his
left
huh?
Huh? Huh? Huh?
Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
"Oops. We messed up, I think," says a girl he does and does not know somewhere outside of his vision.
"How boring," the boy replies as Nagito's consciousness fades out.
........
The blue sky speckled with white fluffy clouds is the first thing Nagito takes notice of. The sand underneath him is warm and feels nice when he lets the grains run through his fingers. By the time the ocean scent hits his nose he already knows he's on Jabberwock Island.
He also knows he should be dead.
"Hey, can you hear me?" Hajime's voice calls out and his shadow blocks out some of the sun's intensity as he hovers over Nagito's body.
Reserve course, normal boy Hajime Hinata.
Ultimate Despair. Along with those others. And himself.
Nagito glares at the boy staring at him. There's no way he could have survived that warehouse. The last thing he remembers is his plan coming to fruition. There's no way he survived that, he made sure he couldn't have survived that. He doesn't even feel injured. That's impossible.
Hajime kneels down and reaches a hand towards him, but Nagito bats his hand away. Hajime sighs, but doesn't move closer or further away.
He wants to be angry, but his heartbeat is so calm right now with Hajime next to him. The conflicting emotions he feels towards the other strangely leave him feeling sleepy more than anything. But it would be better not to pass out in the sun. It would be best to avoid a sunburn like that if he can help it, and Hajime certainly cannot be expected to be a SHSL Sunblocker for him forever. So eventually, he does try to sit up.
He even allows Hajime to lay a hand on his back to help support him in a sitting position. Not that he needs or appreciates the help of course. Perhaps it would have been better if he really did have enough bombs to blow up the island, then he wouldn't have to ever see it or Hajime's face again.
Another set of footsteps shuffle through the sand to approach the two of them. When he looks away from Hajime he isn't surprised to see it's Chiaki stopping by his other side. She's as impassive as ever when she says, "Hey Nagito, if you are done pouting there's something we need to talk to you about back at the hotel."
He laughs. Drawn out and bitter like crackling wood in a firepit, but a laugh nonetheless. He presses his hand against his head in frustration. "Now isn't this something," Nagito forces his giggles to subside to speak. "Say, what could two hopefuls such as yourselves have to say to a failure like me that couldn't be said right here, hm?"
"You will understand by the time we reach the hotel," Hajime explains before the hand he has on Nagito's back slides to grip his arm. At the same time Chiaki bends down to grab his other arm and they yank him to his feet together.
"Huh?"
They let him go and for a second he feels as though he could fall right through the world before he remembers gravity. His feet are on the ground. He is not falling.
"Let's just take it one step at a time, okay?" Chiaki says. She starts walking backwards in the direction of the hotel while looking at him as though she expects him to follow her. Even Hajime moves away from him towards the hotel. This whole situation is just so strange and unnatural.
Nagito Komaeda should be dead.
It's a truth that grips him so tight he cannot take a step forward. Chiaki and Hajime's behavior towards him also makes no sense following from the last time he had spoken to them. In their eyes he senses none of the fear or apprehension that once colored their perception of him. Their eyes are colder now, but not in a distant way. Hajime wouldn't have touched him if he didn't feel something between them. Certainly Hajime had nothing stopping from refusing to see Nagito when the class tied him up that one time until he was pushed into it. Even then Hajime didn't bother to check to see if he ate any of the food brought to him. There was also that time in the hospital when Hajime knew he had lying disease but still took his desperation as truth. If it's more convenient Hajime will simply run away from facing him, Nagito knows that too well.
"I'm not going to carry you there," Hajime warns as the physical distance between them grows from the two walking slowly back to the hotel.
Such fond eyes looking at Nagito from Hajime simply cannot be real.
It's not real.
Those eyes.
"Hajime? Since when were your eyes red?"
Instantly Hajime and Chiaki stop in their place. The world is almost too quiet, were there birds just singing a moment ago? Are there any birds on the island to begin with? What does it even matter?
But even though it doesn't matter, Nagito sinks back down on his knees in the sand and hugs himself in desperation.
He feels real, doesn't he?
But he's dead.
[Mental Pollution]
Huh?
Chiaki sighs, "Looks like this is another game over. Retry?"
Huh?
What is real is....
Hajime holds up his fingers like a gun as if playing a children's game. Nagito's vision blurs in a blocky way that is incomprehensible if he stares at Hajime too long, but he sees the boy aim his finger gun towards Nagito's head.
And he fires.
........................................
Again a familiar scene plays out.
Senses connect and one boy asks the other a question like some sort of scripted event. Of course Nagito doesn't realize that his entrance is scripted, but what he does know....
"Izuru, when did you get a haircut?" he says as the other boy gently pulls him to his feet. Nagito brushes the sand off his pants as he answers his own question, "Oh, well, this must be a result of that.... Neo World Program? You certainly look different than when we met on the boat, but as I recall Makoto Naegi had intended to erase our memories too. Do you remember me, or am I just unlucky?"
Nagito thinks to himself that to be forgotten by someone so interesting after only meeting the man hours ago would be...... despairing. He giggles.
"Of course I know who you are, Nagito" Izuru with short brown hair replies. His mouth twitches like he thought to smile but corrected himself keeping his face neutral, almost bored. Why he would want to smile at him in any capacity is a mystery that excites Nagito. Izuru had sounded so disinterested on the boat to the island and barely spoke as they allowed their former underclassmen to load them into a virtual world, but this was the start of something new. Perhaps Nagito could hope they could get along, even if it leads to more despair.
Oh, how he hopes.
Izuru tugs at his wrist leading him in the direction of the.... huh?
"Where are we going?" Nagito asks feeling a wave of deja vu pass over him. An odd feeling, he certainly can't remember a time he's been in the Neo World Program before. This should be their first time.
Izuru doesn't look back, only saying "You'll know when we get there."
The sense of mystery puts a spring in Nagito's steps. So Izuru knows who he is and how to navigate in this world when neither should be possible had things gone as planned. No one else seems to be around except for the two of them. Tropical birds sing songs as they leave the beach on to what seems to be the main road connecting various locations on this island. Distantly Nagito wonders if they bothered to program in actual birds or if those are merely recordings playing at a distance to trick his mind like everything else assimilating him into this virtual world.
Well he isn't going to get answers without first asking some questions, so Nagito takes the risk to ask, "My you seem familiar with this world, could it be this isn't your first time?"
Izuru stops walking and turns his head just enough to glance back at Nagito as he catches up. However as soon as Nagito does stand beside his companion the man draws an imaginary line in front of both of them. This time Izuru doesn't bother to hide his smile before he states, "If you are prepared to know the answer to that, take a step forward."
It's unexpected that Izuru would have this almost whimsical side to him to be playing games like this, but Nagito withholds judgement for now. If the man doesn't want to just give him the answers there isn't anything he can do but comply for now.
He takes a step over the line.
The island disappears right before his eyes and is replaced by geometric shapes. His feet are on top of some sort of board that is sliding down a slope but he can feel how balance isn't a feature of this little game. Well isn't he lucky that falling off the board isn't an option in this nearly void space save for the very basic design for the world.
Next thing he knows a question poses itself to him: what is the purpose of the Neo World Program?
Down the line Nagito can tell his options are "to create hope", "to create despair", and simply "other".
The board responds smoothly as he tilts his body towards his answer. Petty obstacles crop up forcing him to swerve before reaching the end, but most games do come with challenges to keep the player engaged. Of course Nagito knows what the program was created for, and he has a bit of an understanding of what the Despairs intended to do with it. But the possibility of an "other" option is too enciting to resist.
The bridge from one question to the next connects where others fail to reach the goal.
Question two enters his mind next: what is the Neo World Program capable of doing to achieve its objective?
Focusing on the answers down the line Nagito fails to notice the pitfalls appearing on the track ahead of him and for a moment he feels complete nothingness as he falls through. There is no world, no sight, no sound, no touch; absolute nothingness. But a second later he's back on track. Same question, same obstacles. He swerves out of the way relishing the feel of his virtual heart beating. On the board he can go as fast or as slow as he likes, the one thing he cannot do is fall off.
Coming up to a ramp it is pretty cool to do a pre programmed tail grab when he makes the jump.
The answer he comes to is something he already knew. The world is designed to "erase memories" with the intention of replacing them with new ones. Trauma made to be whisked away into nothingness as the subject lives out their life in the virtual world for as long as necessary to complete the program. Considering he was taken to this place after asking about Izuru's memories he feels he already has his answer, but another question takes a hold of him.
"How do you know this is your first time in the program?" Izuru materializes into existence on his own board to ask the question on Nagito's mind and speed away into the distance.
This time Nagito can't feel the answers laid out in front of him. The world of simple lines and shapes morphs and twists forcing him to dodge faster, and his sense of direction is thrown out completely as the track has him doing loops. He assumes he's meant to catch up to Izuru but the man is so fast and his movements so precise that Nagito has lost sight of him.
Until he appears behind him and passes him seemingly effortlessly once more.
The track itself repeats what it was last time Izuru passed by so Nagito has a moment to actually think about the question asked of him. His memories do not contradict his arrival into the program, but the program was meant to take memories away. He lacks proof he's never been here before, only the feeling he was meant to feel being loaded in.
"Bonus question: Do you know who uploaded you into the program?" A girl with a pink backpack and a green hoodie zooms on by while Nagito was too busy thinking his situation over and concentrating on navigating the slope to fully take notice.
Who?
Who would have wanted him in his Despair state? What benefit could be gained by uploading this version of his memories to the program? He's not here for hope or despair, but some "other" reason. One benefited by him knowing....
It's all just a game. He didn't question the world, he didn't question his own memories very much. He knew it was a simulation so he was at ease awakening to the world. He was supposed to have his memories wiped to before he spent time at Hope's Peak, but that didn't happen. Not this time.
Izuru passes again.
"I don't belong here," Nagito tells him and the board disappears from under him. He's back on the island. Blue sky, white clouds. The whole spiel. He even has to balance on his feet again now that there's a real sense of gravity.
"You do," Izuru steps over the line to stand besides him, "but not this version of you."
"Why isn't he here?" there is a lonesome feeling to knowing you shouldn't exist but do. For all he knows the version of his own memories he's operating under wasn't even Izuru's first choice. He can be taken further back, and disappear completely.
This time as Izuru urges him forward the man grabs Nagito's dead hand and walks with him. "Experimental implementation. Because you knew this world is virtual you are the one whose adjusted the quickest with the least fatal errors."
"Ah, fatal?" Nagito still finds it within himself to be curious. Perhaps Izuru was right that by the time they reach their destination he would know it. The man isn't giving him all the answers right away, but it's clear by now that Izuru wants him to understand. He hopes they don't play another game to unlock more answers.
From nothing a fancy glass with a little umbrella hanging over the rip appears in Izuru's hand. He doesn't let go of the dead hand when he holds out the drink for Nagito to take, but it's not like he could hold anything with it anyway. "Before I explain the nature of this error, I want you to remember something. Drink this."
Another roadblock to new information, but this one seems straightforward enough. As long as there is no fail state in taking a drink there should be no problem. So he takes the offered glass and sips through a straw tasting fresh fruit blended with ice.
Sucking the smoothie in he feels what could be a brain freeze coming on but it hits him so suddenly he drops the glass to hold his head. It's so painful. He remembers dying. He remembers
"Hajime!"
But that's not all he remembers, because then he woke up again. In the real world. Hajime had smiled at him then, and it was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. He can still remember his time as a Remnant of Despair, but he's long been past that, hasn't he? Hajime had welcomed him back to the world of the living after the killing game. And then.....
And then.....
They.
The memories stop.
Short cut, brown haired Izuru hovers over him as he lies in his bed in the virtual world. Red eyes Hajime brushes stray hairs from his forehead out of his eyes while waiting for Nagito to stand up in his cottage. Just like the person watching over him isn't one person or the other anymore, Nagito can accept there is more than one side to himself. He hates despair more than anything else in the world, yet he once was known as despair himself. But he's beyond that now, he was that person but now he's more than that person ever could be.
Chiaki opens the door to peek inside, "Nagito, if you are awake now you should know you have a phone call waiting in the hotel."
She leaves the two of them alone in the cottage just as soon as she came and Nagito laughs. He laughs so hard tears well up in his eyes. It's just so funny he has to say, "She seems so real."
Hajime eyes him for a moment waiting for his laughter to die down. His face gives none of his emotions away as he questions, "What does it matter if she is real or fake? Chiaki belongs to this world now more than the living."
"Hmm, I suppose that is true," Nagito sits up to be on eye level with Hajime who is sitting on the edge of the bed. "Does that mean we don't belong here?"
"Would it disturb you if I said I'm not real either?"
For a moment that does strike a cord. Sure they exist in the Neo World Program as mere avatars of their real bodies, but that doesn't mean.... But Nagito remembers Hajime doesn't have two red eyes. There was something off about this Hajime from the very beginning that was easier to ignore than to acknowledge. A virtual Hajime lives in this world with virtual Chiaki, something about that causes a pain to shoot through Nagito's chest. How long has this Hajime been here? Does his Hajime have something to do with it?
His?
"What is the last thing you remember?" Hajime the AI asks him while getting off of the bed. He brushes non existent wrinkles from his clothes.
The last thing Nagito remembers, that would be, "We had a future together."
"Come on," Hajime the AI offers his left hand to help Nagito stand. He reaches out with a robotic hand and allows himself to be pulled to his feet in amazement at how real it feels to have even an artificial hand in this virtual world. "Usami wants to see you before we head to the hotel."
"Usami?"
But Hajime has nothing more to say right now and they leave the cottage in silence. Crossing the threshold between his cottage and the outside Hajime seems to disappear, but everything is just as he remembers it from the killing game. Even the name plates on the mailboxes outside of the cottage still display everyone living in the same cottages they were in before. This world would be much more lively with everyone else here as well, but he hasn't seen a soul around. He's alone as he walks towards the hotel.
Monomi in her Usami form waits for him between the pool and the door to the hotel. She seems so much happier than in the killing game. Of course she would be, now that she can fulfill functions more suited to her creation. She waves at him, "Ready for your stabilization check up? It's super important to keep up with your mental health, so just relax and let your teacher have a look at you!"
Nagito kneels down so Usami can get a good look at him. Some part of him knows where this is going, but he knows everything will be okay now. Usami kisses his forehead and he knows there is nothing to be worried about. After all, the Neo World Program was designed to be a peaceful world without death.
"You are A-Okay! I give you my permission to pass!" Usami does a twirl and her wand appears in her hand. She waves it at the hotel door speaking some babble that sounds like a magic spell and there's an audible unlocking sound and the door magically opens just a crack.
It looks dark on the inside but Nagito knows by now that the virtual world doesn't have to follow real world rules. It won't break him if he's suddenly transported elsewhere, if Hajime or Chiaki want to play some sort of game with him, or if they have any other surprise in store for him. He's almost disappointed when he walks through the door and nothing happens. But then Hajime and Chiaki jump out from behind a couch pulling party poppers and the lights switch back on. "Welcome home" they say in unison.
That's right, after Hajime woke him up from the Neo World Program the first time they had a future together. One longer than he had ever imagined living on his own, with more friends than he ever dreamed to hope for. And Hajime. Hajime had loved him as he loved Hajime.
There's no reflective surface in the room but he can feel his appearance shift as the memories of his future with Hajime played out in his mind.
It was a little awkward in the beginning, they had so much they had to say to each other to reach a solid understanding. There were things Nagito had been too embarrassed to admit to about himself. And Hajime seemed to bear the world on his shoulders knowing what he had become and what he could be doing next.
They were both too stubborn to give up though. Nagito is sure he made Hajime's life difficult at times, but he did his best to balance that out with good memories. The last thing he would have wanted was for Hajime to hate him after everything. Hajime had reassured him that he wasn't going anywhere, and his persistence was so endearing Nagito felt like he could fall in love with the man even if he forgot him again and again.
When they were able to settle down a little, life had been peaceful. The luck that had plagued Nagito's early life became a distant memory as no force of nature dared to step in between Nagito and Hajime. His classmates came and went off with their own lives, but they all kept in regular contact as best they could. When Hajime proposed they all agreed to come to the wedding and it was the happiest Nagito had ever been in his entire life.
They made a home together.
There was a dog.
Hajime kept himself busy with work, only being persuaded into taking vacations every so often by his loving husband and dog who missed him when he was away. Not that he ever spent too long without Nagito, but it was fun to tease him. He always had the cutest grumpy face when he would catch on to it too. Sometimes Hajime even let him get away with it.
When Nagito turned 30 Hajime started working from home.
Ah, that's right.... he got sick again.
"If it's too much, you don't have to remember," Chiaki in the present time slowly pulls him out of his memories with a pat on his back. Not that he could remember much after that since the Neo World Program can only construct avatars based off the last brain scan uploaded to the system.
Hajime had always been so insistent about keeping that little project of his updated with everyone.
"Besides, there's someone who wants you to answer the phone, remember?"
Chiaki and Hajime the AI both look towards the staircase to the restaurant.
He doesn't hear a phone ringing, but when he makes his way upstairs he sees that she didn't mean a literal phone. There's a laptop waiting for him on one of the tables. The two of them stay downstairs and he takes his seat. When he boots it up the laptop automatically connects to a video chat.
It's him.
Hajime looks older than the one downstairs. He's still a little young for the gray hairs he has speckling his hair and his eyes are tired, but he smiles as the feed connects and they see each other.
"Sorry, I guess we both knew I would be the first to go," but Hajime doesn't let Nagito finish that thought.
All thought comes to a halt as the real, living Hajime tells him, "It's good to see you."