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“People have been talking, you know. None of it’s good.”
There was no reason to be angry at Miles. He’d done his best. Saved all the lives he knew he could, knowing, just as Julian did, that sometimes one life in exchange of many was the best option. In theory he did understand that. And he believed Miles, when he said that he’d not wanted to hurt Garak, only to stop him from hurting them. Yet Julian’s breaths came in sharp bursts as he healed Garak’s broken bones, hand steady despite the fury tempting it to tremble.
Miles stood awkwardly a few steps away, scared maybe to speak when Julian was so very angry.
“You can go, Miles.” Julian said, and immediately closed his eyes in a wince. Too harsh. A deep breath and he started over, softer this time. “It’s alright. I’ll let you know when he’s awake.” The tricorder whirred uninterrupted through the beat of silence. There was an awkward cough, then footsteps, fading behind the door as it opened and closed. Julian ignored any guilt he might’ve felt. Miles understood. He’d forgive.
Purging the drug took well over an hour. Longer than he would’ve liked. Eyes aching, Julian stared at the charts, again and again, each scan a little better, a little clearer. Jabara checked in on him once, a PADD in her hand. Forms in need of a doctor’s approval. She left quickly after, gently reminding him to eat on her way out.
Close to the three hour mark the computer announced in its usual monotone that the blood of patient Elim Garak was 100% clear. One last check for bruises, broken bones, internal bleeding. All clear. All mended.
Julian put away the tricorder, mouth dry with dread. Other injuries still lurked inside, the kind he couldn't so easily fix. He adjusted the inducer on Garak’s forehead and waited.
Garak’s eyes fluttered open. Julian smiled; So blue. He still felt that drop in his stomach whenever Garak looked at him, like he had the first time, his sharp gaze as full of mischief and coy promise as it had been then. Now those eyes were dulled in fog, idly blinking at him and the infirmary ceiling, a frown forming over the scaly brow.
“Hello, you.” The sheet over Garak rustled as Julian sat on the edge of the bed. “How are you feeling--”
“Seems Chief O’Brien managed not to kill me,” Garak’s voice rang hollow, “I imagine many in the Starfleet command were not happy to swallow their disappointment yet again.” Julian’s heart sank.
“You remember.” He said. Garak gave a curt nod, eyes fixed on the ceiling.
“All of it?” No nod this time, the silence telling enough.
“It wasn’t your fault.” Garak’s nostrils flared. He turned his face further from Julian, the sickly green sheet grumbled in a tight fist.
“ Garak ,” Julian leaned in, too close for Garak to avoid his eyes, and spoke softly, as one would to a frightened child, “It wasn’t your fault.”
He felt angry again. Not at Garak. Tain. Miles, Worf, the Captain even. The Obsidian Order, Cardassia. Himself. Everyone, everything that had hurt Garak, dismissed him, judged him, convinced him of his own worthlessness. It wasn’t fair. Garak only ever laughed at his “Federation fury”, the childishness of it, especially when on his behalf, no matter how justified.
Julian caressed the back of Garak’s hand and covered it with his own, gently squeezing. He drew circles across the smooth scales with his thumb, breathing in through his nose, out through his mouth, careful not to make too much noise. Stiffly, like rusted clockwork, Garak turned his hand palm up, joined their fingers, and let out a long, weary exhale. Then he smirked, a coy glint in his eye.
“People have been talking, you know. None of it’s good.”
And there it was. A smile tugging at his lip, stomach aflutter from a look and a grin. Julian arched a brow and loosened into the banter with a breathy hum.
“Oh?” He traced up to the elbow and back a few times, moving then to play with Garak’s fingers. “What are the people saying?”
“The usual. I used my charmingly wicked ways and seduced you in the hopes of gaining delicate information for Cardassia, only to discover your terrible secret, which I used for blackmail, of course. In the end, you couldn't hold on against my ministrations and embraced becoming the next Khan, so we may be the very doom of the quadrant, leaving nothing but ashes and the wails of orphaned children in our wake.”
Julian paused his tender touches and gave Garak’s grin a pointed glare. Mentioning the enhancements was usually reserved for more private occasions in their quarters, when Garak was feeling particularly needy and too lazy to work up Julian’s crankiness with literary disagreements. Cardassians. And their odd, flirty ways.
“I like it.” said Julian, massaging Garak’s hand again, “Very vivid. I’d quite like a crown. Perhaps a cape to match?” Garak’s smile didn't reach his eyes.
“You can’t possibly hope to ignore this.” He said, a little viciously. Julian frowned at the sudden change.
“What do you mean?”
“What was in the toxin?”
“The drug?” Sighing, Julian rubbed the back of his neck, “I haven’t looked too closely yet.”
“It amplified an already existing tendency.”
“Garak, please don’t.” Garak laughed, loud and ugly.
“Believe me, Doctor, no one enjoys the benefits of your willful ignorance more than I, but it is now pushing the boundaries of believability, as is my pretense.” His voice trembled ever so slightly at the end, “It is easy to be swept in by our… domesticity , but really--” Julian touched his cheek.
“I know what you are.” He caressed the crescent ridge under the eye, “And you know what I am. Of all the things you and I have done, this is not one I’ll allow you to be judged by anyone, including yourself.”
Gently, he petted Garak’s feather-like hair, and pressed a nose to his cheek.
“Do you want me to go?” He whispered. This close he could feel Garak tremble as he shook his head.
“Thank God for that. Now, I’ll be sending you to a counselor--” That gained a reaction; Garak whipped his head around, nearly slicing Julian’s face off with his ridges, and glared, irritated twitch to his tail. Julian rubbed his nose against his and grinned.
“You will go,” He said in a silly low voice, “With or without me.”
“Will I indeed?”
“Yes. Also, I’ll have to keep you here overnight, but hopefully tomorrow we can go back to our quarters.” The tail ceased, and Garak’s brow relaxed.
“We?”
“Someone has to stay and watch over you,” He nuzzled close to Garak’s ear and gave a rough lick to the row of scales there, “Keep you warm.”
Garak shuddered.
“Such delightful perks I’m bestowed.” The suggestive tone fell more toward affectionate. To compensate, a tail sneakily coiled itself around Julian’s thigh, and slid up. Julian squawked out a snort, swatting at the thing while Garak’s grin grew wide.
“I knew seducing you was wise.” He said in a low drawl, entirely too pleased with himself. Julian narrowed his eyes, slid off the bed and gave the tail a sharp pinch. then whispered against Garak’s lips.
“Rest.”
It took a few more giggles and swats, but eventually the tail ended up tucked under the covers. Silence settled in, comfortable and warm as Julian fixed the sheet and the pillow, sneaking in a few looks at Garak, now that he wasn’t paying attention. Shadows lingered in his eyes and the corners of his tensely held lips. New to freshen the old. Garak noticed his suddenly solemn posture, quickly smiled and reached to squeeze his hand. Julian returned the smile and winked as he turned the inducer on. With a soundless sigh Garak’s eyes slid shut. One last peck left on his cheek and Julian tiptoed back to the soothing glow of his monitors. As soon as he sat, a hesitant knock came from the door. Miles. Julian considered, sighed, and unlocked the door.