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Roman sits beside his boyfriend in the passenger seat, staring thoughtfully out the window as their destination grows nearer. He taps his fingers against his knee, his heart beating much faster than usual. It feels almost repulsive to admit, but Roman Prince is nervous. Incredibly nervous.
This anxiety is far out of character for Roman and that in itself frightens him greatly. He and Logan are heading up to see his boyfriend's mother for her birthday, a celebration that though Logan said was, "Triflingly irrelevant," had been his idea in the first place. His boyfriend's relationship with his mother is something that doesn't oftentimes come up in conversation. Logan doesn't mention it, and Roman doesn't ask about it. But he knows its...complicated, at best.
For a good four years now, this is what the charade has been, and Roman had taken part in it willingly, not seeing much of a choice in the matter, having met Ms. Sanders only a couple of times. He hardly knows the woman and is about to spend several days in her company staying in his boyfriend's childhood home. The idea of spending time with someone of such importance who he hardly knows isn't what's causing his fear though; no, it's most likely the fact that he's asking for her blessing to marrying Logan.
"Roman, is something the matter?" Logan asks, keeping his eyes steadily trained on the road. From how tightly Logan grips the steering wheel though, and the almost undetectable tremor in his voice, Roman can tell that he's nervous about seeing his mother. Even so, he avoids commenting on it, deciding with his better judgment to leave that unsaid. It's taken a lot to learn how to know when to keep his mouth shut from time to time. He's still learning.
"I'm fine, love. Just as grand as ever," Roman remarks, flashing Logan a dazzling smile, though he doesn't turn to see it. Perhaps it's better that way, seeing as he is an exceptional actor, but in the moment his skills seem a little sub-par. "Why do you ask?"
"You're quiet," Logan puts blatantly, "You're never quiet." Roman holds his hand over his heart in mock-defense, making a sound of dispute.
"Hmph! Well, I never!"
"You never what? Shut your mouth?" Logan asks coly, his lips upturning in a slight grin that Roman really has to try not to chuckle at. Their relationship has always included petty insults thrown back in forth, and they certainly didn't start out on the right foot when they were first introduced, but things have smoothen-over quite a bit. Their verbal clashing, though neither of them would actually admit it, is thoroughly entertaining. Roman wouldn't have it any other way.
"Very funny. So, we're spending two days in the company of your mom. That's going to be...loads of fun I'm sure." Roman doesn't mean to, but he lets his uneasiness slip into his voice.
"Roman, really now, I know that you're nervous, but you've got no reason to be. You've met my mother on several occasion and she has no problem with you or our dating for that matter. I know she's more of a reserved person and can seem a tad...harsh, but really, she is a wonderful woman. Someone I know you could see eye to eye with. And honestly, if not, you're an actor. You can "ham it up", as they say, put on a little show. Complement her cooking, make conversation. You've done it before."
'You talk about her as though she's a stranger,' Roman thinks to himself because really, it isn't hard to see. Logan and his mother have a very distant, de-attached relationship, one that has befuddled Roman for some time, though he knows it's a tender subject.
"Oh, darling, of course, I can. I didn't mean any ill-will. It's just..." Roman sucks in a breath, redirecting his eyes towards the window, emitting a sigh. "I really do want her to like me." And just like that, in that simple sentence, there's progress. Through the time that Logan has known his boyfriend, he's watched him let go of a great deal of his pride, allowed himself to appear human and flawed. It hasn't been easy by any means but seeing Roman blossom into the complex man he is today is an experience Logan is truly grateful for. Of course, he knows that Roman isn't always a 100% honest with him about everything – he may be a superb actor, but Logan can see through that in an instant – but he's trying. Logan's trying too. He's not perfect either, he knows it. He doesn't like to admit, but he knows.
"Roman, I promise you've got nothing to be nervous about. She likes you just fine. It's flattering that you care so much, though," Logan remarks, trying not to sound as proud as he is. It comes through regardless, and Roman smiles.
"Aww, is my little Logey-berry going all soft on me now?" Roman asks in a teasing matter, having to fight back the urge to give Logan a playful sock in the shoulder, considering he's behind the wheel. Even so, he can't help but notice Logan's cheeks tint red slightly.
"Not in the least bit," he says, lying through his teeth. Roman just smiles, though uneasiness squirms in his chest.
When they arrive at the house and Logan pulls into the drive, there's a moment of tense quiet. Roman notices they're both holding their breath. If the situation were different – if Logan's mother were different – she might have flung open the door upon hearing the car park and run down the path to open the car door and pull Logan into a bone-crushing hug. Ask how he was. Tell him she had missed him terribly. That doesn't happen, though. Of course, it doesn't Because that's not how they worked.
Logan sighs, turning around to place a hand on Roman's shoulder tentatively, the sensation comforting but causing alarm all the same. Shit. What was all this about? Was this a pep-talk? Why was Logan's expression so grave and serious? Well...more so than usual.
"Listen," he started, voice calm and collected as he gives Roman's shoulder a gentle squeeze, "It's going to be alright. It's just a couple of days, and then we'll be home again. You've got nothing to fear."
"But I'm not-!" Roman started, sentence cut short when he saw the look in Logan's eyes, the words crumbling like dust in his mouth.
"Roman, I know you. I know you're afraid. I... I'm afraid, as well. I'm sure you already figured that one out though, didn't you?" Roman doesn't answer. Doesn't need to answer.
"My mom and I have not always gotten along as much as I would have liked, and we are not nearly as close as mother-and-son are expected to be. Be that as it may, I love her, and I know she loves me. Most importantly, though, I know she'll love you. Just...give her time. You aren't what she was expecting." Roman swallows hard, lowering his eyes. "Not what I was expecting, in all seriousness. But, to date you being in my life the way you are remains the one and only surprise I've ever enjoyed," Logan says, voice suddenly shrinking to a whisper as he leans forward, catching Roman's eye as he presses their lips together in a kiss that Roman wishes could last much longer than it does. When Logan draws himself away he's still holding Roman's face in his hands. He smiles softly, though there's a nervousness to it he says, "I love you. So much." And though it's simply, Roman knows what a feat it is to get Logan Sanders to admit such 'illogical' feelings.
"I love you too, mi amour~," Roman purrs, purely because it's the easiest way to get his boyfriend to blush and he adores it. "Thank you. You always know just what to say," he admits, sounding like it's the first time he's ever said it. It's not, but hearing Roman say it always reduces Logan to a mess of emotions. He hates that he loves it.
The pair get out of the car, Roman pecking Logan on the check, in all honesty wanting to smother him with kisses because when he's anxious he tends to get affectionate. Roman manages to halt himself. He grabs their luggage from the back of the car.
Logan takes a deep, albeit, shuddery breath and knocks on the door. Within a couple of moments of waiting on the front porch the door swings open to reveal Ms. Sanders standing there with a small, almost forced yet affectionate smile pulling at her lips.
"Welcome home, son," she says, and there's an award moment where neither are sure if they should go in for a handshake or a hug, their arms hovering strangely in the air before they decided on a rather tense, quick embrace.
"Thank you, mother. Good to see you," Logan says, pulling away.
"Same to you dear," she says before turning to Roman, smiling softly. "Roman. It's a pleasure to see you again." She gives Roman's shoulder a gentle pat and Roman forces a smile, trying not to make it look strained.
"The pleasure is all mine, Ms. Sanders," he crones, and Logan rolls his eyes. God, his boyfriend really does flirt with everyone he comes into contact with. Even so, Logan must admit that his charms, on most, are rather effective.
"How's my son been?" She asks quizzically, ignoring Roman's flattery. Apparently, she's immune to said charms. Even so, this is an opportunity to speak about his beloved, which he takes great pride in.
"Simply wonderful," he practically sings, proud as can be as he slings an arm around Logan's neck, "he really is the love of my life. Couldn't imagine a day without him. You've raised a wonderful man," Roman says, all smiles and Logan's cheeks set ablaze.
"Roman..." Logan sighs, embarrassment etched into his voice.
"What? You are," Roman says nestling Logan's neck before turning back to Ms. Sanders who's smiling somewhat uncomfortably.
"Thank you, Roman. That's very kind of you to say. I am glad that you two are so happy," she says before beginning to walk back up to the porch. "Well, come in. I've just gotten dinner started."
"Mother, Roman's a fantastic cook," Logan says, elbowing his boyfriend in the side, "Perhaps he could be of some assistance?" A nervous grin flashes across Roman's handsome face as he sees Logan's mother pause a moment before nodding gently.
"That would be most appreciated if Roman wants to lend a hand, that is."
"Of course. I'd be happy to," offers the boisterous man, in his first ploy of the trip to get on Ms. Sanders good side. And so, the trio enter Logan's childhood home, the door closing Roman into a very tense situation.
=+=
The next couple of days fill Roman with an unethical amount of stress. He's in constant fear that either Logan's onto this plan of his – which he isn't – or that Logan's mom had a deep hatred of him. He makes sure that he can always appear useful and that he treats Logan with an elevated amount of love and affection, something he already does in high amounts. Logan has told him to stop smothering him at one point, maybe to clue him in that it's getting a little more extra than usual. Is he trying to impress the woman? Absolutely, but who could blame him? The boy is as terrified as it is, his mind a constant whirlwind of crippling self-doubt. Normally he's so sure of himself and self-confident. But now things are different. It's a new, frightening terrain he is unfamiliar with and it daunts him.
By the time Roman gets around to having the very imposing conversation, he's been dealing with his anxieties for days. He and Logan are planning on going home the next evening; he's put it off to the last minute. Logan goes to bed a little early that night, leaving Roman and Ms. Sanders sitting in the living room together, both being the night owls that they are.
"Ms. Sanders," Roman says, clearing his throat after a long outstretch of silence, tension thick. The older woman looks up from the book in her lap, planting a bookmark inside before shutting it and turning to the nervous man.
"Yes, Roman?" She asks, curiously.
"There's...there's something that I'd like to discuss with you. It's about Logan," he tells her, a nervous edge to his voice. She notices it plain as day.
"Oh?" She asks patiently. Roman nods, running an anxious hand through his hair and taking in a long, nervous breath before meeting her eyes.
"I'm planning on asking Logan to marry me and-," Ms. Sander's brow furrows, mouth widening only slightly, "-I want to ask you for your blessing." The mother sighs, shutting her mouth and growing silent. The absence of her words frightens Roman greatly, validating his insecurity. "I-I understand that I'm not the person you envisioned your son would marry. Surely you expected someone of a more similar field, another professor perhaps or someone of a more similar intellect and not a-an actor. And I...I won't lie and say that I'm perfect. Not to you. But," Roman exhales, already feeling near tears, "I would be good to your son. Treat him right. I love him and-."
"Stop." Roman tenses, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before daring to peel them open to face her. "Roman," she sighs biting her lip, "Save the explanation. You don't need to do that. You think that you weren't the person I expected my son to be with?" Roman doesn't answer. "Well, you're right. Completely. I didn't expect anyone like you – I didn't expect anyone at all, actually." This statement surprises Roman, catches him off guard.
"What...what do you mean?" He dares to ask, now looking closely at the facial features of the woman, one who looks sad, caught deep in a web of memories.
"When my husband passed away, Logan was just fourteen years old," she begins to explain and Roman grows sympathetic as the story he is mostly unfamiliar unfolds before his eyes, "I was heartbroken, of course. Shattered to a million pieces. It had been a much-unexpected event, heart attack, and well, I just didn't know what to do with myself. I broke down when my son needed me most and I..." She pauses, taking a deeply pained breath and squeezing her eyes shut, "I was too foolish to see it."
"God. I didn't realize that Logan's father had passed away when he was so young," Roman says, taken aback, "I'm so sorry, Ms. Sanders. You know, Logan never-."
"Talks about him?" She interrupts. Roman bits his lip nodding. "I thought not. He never really has, since then. He and Albert were very close, and his death might have destroyed Logan more than it did me. You wouldn't know it, though. That was about the time that Logan started bottling things up, holding in emotions, pretending they didn't exist, really. It was hard to watch, but in my grief, I must shamefully admit that I hardly noticed. My coping mechanism was to let my emotions overnight my system; Logan's was to shut them off completely." Roman leaned forward in his chair, looking intently at Logan's mother.
"He was like that when I met him. It was...strange. To see someone so...separated from their emotions," Roman explains, daring to look intently into the eyes of a woman still so haunted by her grief years later.
"From then on, he didn't tell me things anymore. He was already a very shy person, but Albert's death just quieted him completely. We hardly spoke...which, I'm sure is saying something considering we don't speak all that much now. But you must understand, he was living under my roof and...and he was a stranger." Roman can see Ms. Sanders getting teary-eyed and he frowns, unsure of what to say.
"I...I am so sorry."
"Don't be," she sighs, dabbing her eyes, "It's not your doing. He was eighteen when he came out to me. I'd figured for quite sometime before that, but I wasn't sure. I swear that's the most frightened I think I've ever seen him. He was crying, big, fat tears running down his face. He said he was sorry, worried I wouldn't care for him anymore. I...I couldn't believe my baby could think that I wouldn't love him anymore because of something so insignificant. I can't believe I let him think that, for so long." Roman's face was blank. Normally he knew what to say in a situation such as this, he was an actor after all, but not now. Not when things were so raw, so intimate. Now he felt unprepared, afraid to face her, even.
"I-I know this isn't what you want to here, but Logan was very unhappy for a long time. I'm sure you knew already, to some extent but...you've helped him. I know you have."
"We-well," Roman pauses, taking a deep breath with a glint of regret in his eyes, "we didn't get along in the beginning. W-when he was...unhappy. I was unhappy too, not that it makes our fighting right. We would...hurt each other – verbally that is! It was a constant back and forth, and in some respects, i-it still can be. But there's understanding now. Growth. He's grown. I-I've grown," Roman stutters, the rawness of his own voice catching him off guard, "And I'm proud of him. I love your son so, so much, Ms. S, and the fact that he loved me too well. It just makes my heart sing." Suddenly Roman's blinking back tears he isn't expecting, conflicted by the complex and untamed emotion that swells in his heart. Once his explanation – or monologue, really – is through he turns back to face Ms. Sanders and all of his doubts and fears she comes to represent in this moment.
"Roman," she starts, a reproachful tone to her voice, "I hope you don't think that I'm turning you down." Roman felt a surge of relief flood his system as he blinked in utter shock at the woman. He placed a trembling hand over his heart, his face beaming with a thankful smile.
"R-really?"
"Of course. Roman, I know that you've done my son good. That you continue to do him good. You two may not be cut from the same stone, but that doesn't mean that you aren't meant for each other. You fight from time to time? So, what? I fought with my husband, too. So long as both of you are content and happy in your relationship, then that's okay. I've seen Logan's far...far happier when he's with you. You ignite the passion in him. My son and I..." the other pauses, a look of unhappiness settling onto her face, "...well our relationship isn't ideal, but I love him; My boy is and always will be my pride and joy. And knowing that you've helped him to open up is proof enough that you're worthy of his heart. I truly haven't seen him look so...so joyful since Albert was alive. And that was so long ago..." she trails off sadly before regaining her composure and smiling at Roman, leaning forward and extending her hands for Roman to take, which he grasps firmly after a moment or two of hesitation, "...I am so happy for you."
By this point Roman is overwrought with emotion, pulling the older woman into a bone-crushing hug and embracing her happily.
"Thank you, thank you so much, Ms. Sanders," he whispers, tears pouring down his face. She smiles softly, hugging Roman back.
"You're very welcome, Roman. And.." she pauses, pulling away, "...you can call me Anna if you'd like." And now Roman's crying even harder. Sure, it wasn't 'mom' like Roman had foolishly been hoping for, but it's certainly a step in the right direction and one that fills his heart with glee.
"Thank you, Anna."
=+=
The next day Logan wakes to soft morning light flooding in from the window and the sound of footsteps coming into the bedroom. He opens his eyes blearily, blinking slowly as through his hazy vision he sees his boyfriend walking into his childhood bedroom with a plate of something. He groans, still emerging from his state of slumber as he reaches for his glasses on the nightstand and fastens them in place. Now, with clarity, he can see that Roman is dressed, his hair already combed, and he's brought in a plate of breakfast. Logan can hardly believe that Roman is up before him, or that he apparently slept in. The romantic gesture is more believable; it wouldn't be the first time, but it still makes him feel a strange tingly sensation.
"Morning," Logan mutters deeply, a smile etched onto his face as Roman sets down the plate onto the bed and sits beside him to plant a loud kiss on his cheek.
"Good morning, my love. I've made you some toast, with your favorite. Well, my favorite, but let's not get technical." Logan chuckles lightly, deciding not to have an argument about who loved Crofters more.
"Sure thing, Roman. Thank you, that was a...very considerate gesture," Logan practically sputters out. Though he's learned a great deal about his own feelings from Roman, there's always room for improvement.
"Ya, you're welcome, you big 'ol nerd," Roman says with a grin, one that's nervousness it's too early for Logan to detect. He eats his toast with Roman sitting beside him, pausing a moment before asking a question.
"You came to bed late last night. What kept you?" Logan asks. It's clear he doesn't want to sound like the needy type, but Roman knows all too well how much Logan clings to him in the night. He adores it.
"Aw, did my little Loganberry miss me?" Roman asks with pursed lips. Logan groans.
"Please, I beg of you, never talk to me like that again," Logan demands, though it's more bark than bite.
"Whatever. You love it," Roman teases, leaning against Logan's shoulder casually, looking at him in his full-on bed-head, skewed glasses, and space-themed pajama pants. He's just as beautiful as Roman can ever remember. "I was actually talking to your mom last night," he explains, noticing Logan's eyes go almost comically wide at the mention.
"You...were?"
"Yes, we had a very pleasant discussion."
"A very pleasant discussion? With my mother? Roman, last night before I went to bed you looked so nervous I thought you might've seen an apparition of some kind." Roman chuckles, shaking his head as Logan stuffs another piece of toast into his mouth.
"Yes, I'll have you know it was a very good talk. I was asking your mother's blessing so that I could propose to you, and she said yes." Suddenly, Logan spits out the toast that was in his mouth, coughing and sputtering. One that is through he shrinks away from Roman, staring at him in disbelief. His hands are shaking, he realizes all of him is shaking.
"I-I beg your p-pardon?!" Logan asks, still staring incredulously at Roman who just smiles sheepishly. He reaches out and grabs Logan's hand, pressing a kiss to his knuckle and setting the nerd's heart ablaze.
"I said," he repeats, pressing another chaste kiss to his lover's hand, "I was asking your mother's blessing. Because, I love you, Logan Sanders. More than anyone else in the world, and I needed to tell her how strongly I feel about you. That you're the light of my life and that I'm proud of you and all you've accomplished, and ah, right, almost forgot," Roman pauses, removing a box from his pocket and popping it open to reveal a silver engagement ring with a sapphire stone bedazzling it. Logan slaps a hand over his mouth, his breath feeling wheezy and tense suddenly.
"R-Roman, I-I don't—" Logan's words got caught in the back of his throat as he looks from Roman to the ring and back to Roman again. He curses himself as he feels tears well in his eyes and clamps a shaky hand over his mouth. Roman smiled wide, albeit nervously.
"Hey. I knew a big romantic gesture might be wasted on you because let's face it, extravagance is my thing, not yours." Somehow Logan finds a way to scowl through his sobs. "So, I figured," Roman continues, his own eyes becoming a little watery as he looks into Logan's eyes, "that maybe doing things simply might be more your thing. Because you're the best thing that's happened to me in a long time and I can't stand the thought of ever losing you. So – and like, no pressure here, if you aren't ready, love of my life – but it would be my greatest honor to be able to call you my husband."
Roman hardly get the last sentence out before Logan lets out a crackly sob of a "yes", causing Roman to throw his arms around his lover and kiss him like there's no tomorrow. Tears are still falling as Roman slides the ring onto his finger, Logan then clinging to him tighter than Roman can recall in a long time. It feels unbelievably good.
"H-how dare you m-make...make me s-so emotional this early in the m-morning?!" Logan demands, mumbling as he buries his face into Roman's neck. Roman laughs airily, carding a hand through Logan's bedhead. He's never seen Logan cry so hard before, but luckily, it's a positive context. Relief is washing over him in gentle waves now, soothing, calm and grounding. Just like Logan.
"I'd say I had a pretty valid excuse," Roman suggests, pulling the nerd into his lap and holding him tight. As tight as he can, because Logan said yes, he can hardly believe he said yes. He can hardly believe this has happened at all.
"Perhaps..." Logan says after a moment, looking up at Roman. He's sure he can see stars in his eyes, sure that there are stars just as bright in his own. "I can't believe you proposed when I'd just barely woken up. Some might think you've taken advantage of my better judgment."
"Is that so?" Roman asks with a smirk, moving to press his lips to his fiancé's, the taste of jam-heavy on his breath. Wouldn't be the first time.
"Yes," Logan affirms, kissing Roman again because by this point he hardly knows how to stop.
Because he never imagined he'd find love. Because he didn't think there was anyone out there for him and because he was so broken for so long. Still broken, maybe, but then again Roman is too. They both aren't perfect, not nearly so, but they've grown as people. Grown together, seen so much of one another. There's still much to see, much to learn, but they'll continue as they have been. As Logan lies in Roman's arms he suddenly can't think of a better place to be. For the first time in years, his childhood home really does feel like a home. Roman makes it that. He's at ease.
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