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You have great courage and kindness. You may not realise how strong and powerful you are, but there’s no problem you can’t solve. The compassion you so freely give to others must also be given to yourself. Stand strong in your convictions if the right answer to tell someone is no.
“What do you want for dinner?” Steve asked.
“I don’t know,” Bucky responded. “What do you want?”
“How about spaghetti?”
“Um. No,” Bucky said, decisively.
“What about grilled cheese and tomato soup?”
“Hmm. No.”
“We could go out for Mexican?” Steve suggested. Recently, Bucky had been vetoing everything Steve asked about, just because he could. Steve didn’t really have the heart to contradict anything Bucky said, either, not when he was just starting to express actual opinions.
“No. Well,” Bucky considered it for a second. “Yeah, no.”
“Do you want to pick something?” Steve asked, because he knew no decisions would be made this way.
“What about… Chinese? I guess?” Bucky said, a bit hesitantly.
“Sounds great,” Steve smiled. “Want to go out or order in?”
“Let’s… order something,” Bucky decided.
Steve smiled softly as he picked up the phone to order their dinner. At least it only took a few minutes for Bucky to decide this time. His record was two hours, at which point Steve made something random for dinner and Bucky didn’t even complain, since he was also starving.
***
Bucky’s veto streak continued. Almost every time Steve asked him about something, the answer would be no, if only because he had a choice.
“Do you want to go to the store with me?” Steve asked. “We need lunch food.”
“No, that’s okay,” Bucky said.
“Are you sure?”
“No,” Bucky said, absently. It was almost an automatic reaction at this point. “Wait, yes, I’ll go with you. Sorry.”
“Hey, please don’t apologise,” Steve said, grabbing both of Bucky’s hands. “I know getting over all the Winter Soldier stuff is hard for you.”
Bucky laughed a little. “‘Winter Soldier stuff’ is a nice way to put it. But yeah, it has. I’m getting better, though, right?”
Steve kissed the palm of Bucky’s metal hand. “Much better,” he said.
***
“Do you want to go to Stark Tower with me?” Steve asked. It was practically against his religion to make Bucky do something without asking first. “Tony wants to show me a new shield he’s been making for me.”
“No,” Bucky said, focused on rubbing at a water spot on his metal arm. Couldn’t they have made the thing out of something stainless, at least? Inconsiderate. “Wait, what? Where are you going?”
“Stark Tower,” Steve repeated.
“Will Sam be there?” Bucky asked.
“Maybe? I can text him,” Steve offered.
“No, that’s okay. And yes, I’ll go with you. Maybe Stark can make me something that won’t leave spots on my arm.” Bucky said. This was his arm , not a spoon. He couldn’t just walk around with it un-shiny.
Steve laughed. “Well, we can certainly ask him.”
***
Bucky knew he had a problem with saying no. It was just that for so long, he had to agree to doing anything Hydra asked him to do. And now, when he could say no if he wanted, he found it addicting. He could make his own choices for the first time in forever, and he was going to take full advantage of it.
“Hey, Buck, wanna go see a movie?” Steve asked.
Bucky didn’t look up from his book before replying “No,” but once he said it he sat up and looked a bit guilty. “Wait, what?”
“Do you want to go see a movie? I heard that movie Baby Driver is pretty good,” Steve said.
“Oh, uh, sure,” Bucky said, overriding his knee-jerk reaction of ‘no.’ Progress?
Steve smiled his perfect smile. “Great! Can we go in a few minutes? The next showing is in forty-five minutes.”
“Yep, I just need shoes. Give me a second, please,” Bucky said.
“Of course,” Steve said. “Do you want to drive?”
“No,” Bucky said, tying his shoes. “Wait, actually… okay still no. Sorry.”
“Hey, it’s okay. Really, don’t worry about it. I can always wait for you,” Steve said, with the most ridiculous heart eyes Bucky had ever seen.
“Right, you’ll still be saying that after another six months of this,” Bucky grumbled quietly.
If it weren’t for Steve’s supersoldier hearing, he might not have been able to hear what Bucky said. But he did, and he wasn’t having it. But he knew Bucky would just argue with him, and anyway they had a movie to catch. So Steve just rolled his eyes and sat unnecessarily close in the theater.
***
Steve must be a literal saint, Bucky thought. Honestly, who can he talk to to make this happen? Because Steve deserves it. Bucky was right, he was still auto-replying with a ‘no’ six months later. It was getting a little less common, but still.
But Steve was still patient with him, giving Bucky time and space to make his own decisions. Bucky couldn’t remember the last time anyone had been so nice to him, but he figured it was probably that time Bucky almost killed Steve and Steve just kinda. Let him. Which Bucky is still mad about, by the way. But maybe that’s a discussion for another day.
Today, at least, Steve was asking him another question.
“Hey, Buck,” Steve said.
“Yes, doll?” Bucky answered, barely looking up from his phone. He and Sam were sending selfies with various Snapchat filters back and forth.
“What would you say if I asked you to marry me?” Steve asked.
“No,” Bucky said, before looking up with his eyes wide. He somehow managed to click the button on his Snapchat, capturing his shocked expression in a picture that Sam would send back to them later. “Wait. What? Did you just propose to me?”
Steve smiled. “It would seem that I did. So? What do you say?”
“Seriously? Yes, you reckless idiot. How could I say ‘no’ to you?” Bucky said.
“Well, to be fair, you tell me ‘no’ quite often,” Steve joked.
“I mean, yeah, but never to anything like this. Yes, I’ll marry you,” Bucky said, standing up to give Steve a kiss.
“Good. Cause I’m with you ‘til the end of the line,” Steve said.
“So,” Bucky started. “Steven Grant Barnes, huh? I like it.”
“Oh, no,” Steve said. “I was thinking James Buchanan Rogers.”
Bucky groaned. “No, that sounds awful. Barnes-Rogers?”
“Rogers-Barnes,” Steve countered.
Bucky huffed. “As much as I hate to admit it, that might be our best option.”
Steve grinned. “I knew I could get you thinking my way.”
“Don’t go getting all smug about it, Rogers,” Bucky said.
“You know you love me, Mr. Rogers-Barnes,” Steve said.
“Yeah, I guess I do.”