Work Text:
Charles blurted “I want a divorce” and Erik blinked.
The visit was unexpected. His clients usually came to him through appointment only. This was just a sudden slamming open of his office door, revealing the flushed man, brown hair swept away from his face and blue eyes wet, to the lawyer. His suit was uncharacteristically askew and his chest heaved, as if he had run the whole way. Victor hovered behind him uncertainly, the situation delicate and leaving him confused as to what he should do, and Erik waved him away, silently telling his underling that he could handle it.
Charles never looked away from Erik, stance determined. “I want a divorce.”
Erik gestured him in stiffly, ducking his head to straightening the papers that were open on his desk – his current case, a prominent and rather public court trial it was going to be, he couldn’t afford mistakes on that front. He took a breath, composing himself, as he heard the office door shut and the chair scraping backwards against the wooden floorboards. When he looked, Charles was sat up straight, composed and certain.
“Can I ask for your reasons?” Erik questioned tightly.
“He’s never there,” Charles retold quietly, “He’s out late, always comes back when the kids are asleep; never wants to talk. He,” Charles faltered for a moment before he regained himself, “He doesn’t touch me anymore. He has missed birthdays, an anniversary, broken so many promises that I can’t even make excuses anymore.”
There was a pause and a swallow before “he says he’s working” was added.
“What else could he be doing?” Erik responded sharply.
Charles’ smile was bittersweet. “I don’t know. You tell me.”
Erik tried to remain blank faced, even as he felt as if his world was crumbling in his hands. He saw his hands beginning to shake and interlocked them quickly.
“You know that d…divorce,” he stumbled over the word, “Is a last resort. Can I recommend marriage counselling before taking such a rash action?”
Charles sighed. “I am a marriage counsellor Erik. Do you really think I haven’t tried?”
He sniffed and blinked, his eyes tearful and his lips pulled down at the edges. He folded his arms across his chest and just held, like he was holding himself, like he needed that to keep himself together. “I just…I don’t know what else I can do.”
Erik nodded sharply. He had heard that before, many times since he had started practising divorce law, when someone was at the end of their tether, when they were defeated and too damn tried to keep fighting anymore. Normally, Erik would nod understandingly even though he never thought he’d truly be able to, and offer them a tissue and a drink before he started talking about the terms of the agreement. Now, he couldn’t even move from behind his desk, couldn’t think about consoling when it was himself that wanted it.
“Is this what you want?” he croaked out.
Charles choked on a sob and pressed his hand up to his mouth to muffle it. His eyes squished shut and he shook his head roughly. “But what else can I do Erik?”
A thousand and one things. A thousand and one things that Erik had always believed to be bullshit. A thousand and one things that Charles insisted worked. A thousand and one things that Erik wished desperately that he would never experience and yet wanted to now. He didn’t say that though. He just nodded sharply, jaw locked and dipped his head to his hands, the grip on each bruising. Maybe if he wasn’t looking Charles in the face, he could think for a minute, think of some way to fix this.
The chair pushed back and Charles lingered. “Will you be home for dinner tonight? It’s Raven’s choice – Spaghetti Bolognese.”
“I’ll be there,” Erik promised, voice rough.
Charles’ silence told him just how much Charles didn’t believe him.
*
“Daddy!” Wanda latched herself to his legs when he entered. She beamed up at him, one side of her face covered in red glitter, no doubt from school that day, Charles never allowed glitter on school nights, and it struck Erik just how long it had been since he had truly seen her face.
“Hey munchkin,” he murmured and lifted her up into his hip with one arm, “Where’s your brother?”
“Setting the table with Pa,” she gestured into the kitchen.
The twins had been a surprise, a pair of babies without parents that Moira had brought to their attention. It had been a few years before Erik had opened his own law firm, because he had been so busy, and he remembered how small they had been; how vulnerable. It had been his first time holding a baby, Raven being already three when he met Charles for the first time, and god, he had been so afraid that he was going to drop them, that he would ruin them, that he would disappoint.
He suppose those fears had come to pass.
“Erik,” Charles sounded surprised, “You’re here.”
“I said I would be,” Erik reminded weakly.
Charles’ returning smile was strained.
Peter ploughed into him when he saw him, vibrating with excitement and already talking a mile a minute about what had happened at school that day, as if it wasn’t a topic that Erik had been absent to for weeks now. Erik hummed and made the appropriate noises in all the right places – at least that was a skill that he hadn’t lost – as he lowered Wanda into her chair.
Raven watched him from the other side of the table. At eight, she had to know what was happening. Had to know about his lack of presence recently, about how her Pa had been feeling, about the tension that Erik was trying his best to pretend didn’t exist just for a few moments. Her lips were pressed together tightly, blaming him, he knew that, he had seen it before, but she didn’t pull away when he brushed his hand across her crown and pressed a kiss to her forehead as he took his usual seat – the seat that had been empty as he worked.
Charles didn’t speak to him, didn’t even look at him, and Erik didn’t bother trying to make conversation with him. Instead, he commented on how delicious dinner was to make Raven smile just a little bit. He didn’t bother wiping away the sauce stains that covered his mouth because he remembered that it made Peter laugh. He joked about little monsters making a mess and he was thankful that Wanda still delighted in proving just how much of a monster she was by eating in the most undignified fashion.
Every once and a while, Erik would spare glances at Charles, hopeful for anything really, he guessed, but the man seemed intent on ignoring his very presence.
He tried not to make the slumping of his shoulders noticeable.
*
“Are you and Pa going to get a divorce?” Raven questioned quietly from the depths of her bed. She seemed so small in there, so sad, and Erik’s hands faltered from where they were tucking her in because he didn’t know what to say.
“Honey-“
“You are, aren’t you?” Raven demanded again and her eyes were damp and fearful, and Erik gathered her into his arms and held her.
“Your Pa and I…we’re going through hard times,” he told her roughly, carefully, because he had almost forgotten that a divorce, it wouldn’t just affect him. It would affect them: the twins who were too young to understand and Raven, old enough to have seen the same kind of thing once before. The reminder made his heart break all over again. “And it might,” he couldn’t lie but he didn’t want to say it either, “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you less, or that you and the twins aren’t important to me. You’re the most important thing to me, okay? And whatever happens, I will be there for you. For all three of you, okay? Just like your Pa will.”
“So you love us but not each other?” Raven whimpered.
“Oh sweetie, no, we…I still love your Pa, so much, but sometimes, in grown up relationships, that isn’t enough.”
He held her as she cried, letting her cling to him, and only released her an hour later when she slumped, asleep, in his arms.
*
Drained, Erik didn’t want to look at Charles. Not now. Not when he was so close to breaking down and god, begging. He kept his head low when he moved into their bedroom, to the closet and pulling out sheets.
“I’ll sleep on the couch,” Erik told him, “And then in the morning, I’ll…find somewhere else to sleep.”
“No,” Charles objected, “No, I don’t want that. The kids…they’ll want you around.”
The unspoken but I don’t hurt.
“Of course,” Erik whispered and held the sheets close to his chest, almost like a barrier, something that he could cling to and keep him safe.
“Was something wrong with Raven?” Charles worried.
“She, ah, noticed that something was wrong with…” he swallowed, “I tried to pacify her, told her the truth but not…we should probably tell them soon if this is going to happen.”
“We should,” Charles agreed.
He couldn’t stop himself looking at the man. On the edge of their marital bed, he seemed so small, shoulders lowered downwards and head bowed, hands clutching at the sheets of the bed. His own t-shirt and boxers – Charles always used Erik’s, not since they had become serious. He guessed this really was it.
The thought made panic raise in his chest and there was so many things that Erik wanted to say. He wanted to know if it had to end like this. If there was any way that he could fix it. He wanted to ask for another chance, to plead for it. He wanted to know if Charles still loved him, like Erik would never stop loving Charles. The words jumbled together and clogged at the back of his throat. His tongue was too heavy, mouth too dry, and holding back tears was making his head hurt.
He wanted to say so many things but he didn’t. He simply walked away.