Chapter Text
Kaminari just wants to get wasted, but Kirishima, good friend that he is, keeps plying him with pitcher after pitcher of water and enough greasy food to kill him. It’s a real uphill battle where Kirishima has both the moral and lateral high ground. When the fuck did he get so tall?
Bakugo gestures wildly, “Quitcher bitchin’! I swear to fuck if I have to hear about ohhh my husband! My husband! I’m gonna get on a plane and drag his ass over the fucking Pacific!”
Kaminari mumbles against the rough grain of the table, “That’s not as mean as you meant it, bro.”
Bakugo looks to Kirishima for back up, gives a questioning grunt, animal that he is, and Kirishima rubs the back of his neck, “Sorry Katsuki. Bringing his husband back isn’t really mean at all.”
Kaminari sits up and jabs a finger into Bakugo’s face only for the other man to actually snap his teeth at him. Luckily his reflexes save him, “Like you’re any better! Using all your money to send to Midoriya so you can call him collect!”
Kaminari lowers his voice, but doesn’t come near Bakugo’s smoky grumble, “O freckles when are you coming home from the war? Yelling at you isn’t the same over the phone!”
Bakugo goes scarlet and lunges, only to hit his knee on the table and get Kirishima’s arm across his chest.
“Jesus Bakugo.” Kirishima sighs, “If you guys wanted to have a backyard brawl I coulda set one up at Bakugo’s house where the property value is already in the pits.”
“Fuck you!” Bakugo says and Kirishima scowls, “I don’t know why you’re so delusional! You are not getting that deposit back dude!”
Kaminari laughs, “Dude, you put Kirishima’s head into the wall on his 26th! There’s no coming back from that!”
“Yaomomo patched it up fine, prick!”
“Whatd I miss?!” Sero says, hand full of a tray of shots like an angel. Before he can grab one, Sero dances away, “These, are for ME.”
Kirishima groans, “Sero. Help.”
Sero knocks back two shots, “I believe in you Kiri! I’m just here to watch the world burn.”
Bakugo flips him off and Sero goes on,“By world I totally mean my bros, cause you guys ARE my world bro.”
Kirishima looks at him incredulously, “You already had shots at the counter didn’t you.”
Sero just grins and knocks back another shot, “Mayhap, sweet prince.”
Bakugo groans, “ Sero, tell Sparky he’s not even real husbands!”
Kaminari is about to slap Bakugo into next week, rock wall or not when Sero grabs him, “YOU GOT MARRIED?!”
Kaminari flushes, “Not, not legally...but it was, more of a spiritual thing?”
Sero deflates, “And you didn’t invite me?”
Bakugo hacks a laugh, “ You two need to make the time and go get married like me and fucking Deku if it’s that important to you idiot.”
“It’s not that it isn’t! We don’t have time!”
“Like me and fucking Izuku do?! Talk to me again when you hit top ten with the big kids Sparky!”
Then, Sero and Kirishima are both grabbing him and Bakugo round the middle, and Denki struggles vainly before bursting into tears.
Kirishima puts Bakugo into a headlock and shakes him, “Dude! What’s the big fucking deal with you?”
Sero ends up being clung to as Kaminari sobs into his shoulder. It isn’t fair. First Shinso leaves for America, and then his second best friend makes fun of him and shoves his legal American marriage in his face.
Life is cruel.
“Aw, c’mon Kami, Bakugo said Midoriya said things were wrapping up over there!” Sero says comfortingly and Kaminari realizes he’s blurted all of his scrambled thoughts into Sero’s shoulder.
“Why the fuck am I the number two best friend?!” Bakugo snarls from Kirishima’s locked arms, “WHY AM I ALWAYS FUCKING SECOND WHEN I’M NUMBER ONE IN THE POPULARITY POLLS?!”
“Maybe because you make people cry when they’re having a hard time!?” Kirishima says, then, “Bakugo. Stop being a dick.”
The other man huffs, “I’m not!”
“You said we weren’t real!”
Bakugo rolls his eyes, “Holy fuck, I am not taking that back. But I guess I’m sorry you feel that way?”
Kirishima groans in exasperation, “That’s not a real apology bro.”
Sero nods, hands carding through Kaminari’s hair, “ Bakugo. C’mon dude. I believe in you.”
Snorting, Bakugo looks at them both before taking a deep breath and growling, “Okay so maybe...I only Uh, half-meant what I said.”
He looks to Kirishima for approval and ends up getting boo’d by both him and Sero.
Sero sighs, “Look. Bakugo. I get that you feel like your time waiting has been more than Kaminari’s so you feel like he doesn’t have a right to complain but...Shinso...he’s underground. Even when he’s in the country Kaminari hardly sees him.”
“That...isn’t it.” Bakugo says lamely and Kirishima snorts, “That’s exactly it! I thought you two would support each other cause you’re going through the same thing! Not tear each other down!”
Kaminari and Bakugo both protest, “I don’t NEED support!”
“I need a distraction.” Kaminari says and to his surprise, Bakugo nods fiercely.
“If I wanted to wallow in fucking pity, I’d die first,” Bakugo says plainly and Kaminari grins, “See?! This guy gets it!”
Bakugo grins and Kaminari wipes the smile off his face with a soft, “Still number two though dude.”
“Fuck you.” Bakugo says and Sero cuts in.
“Wait so what are we doing then?”
Kaminari grabs a shot glass, “Getting wasted!”
Kirishima let’s Bakugo loose and sighs into his hands, “Sero. Help.”
Sero just eggs he and Bakugo on as they empty the shots one after the other.
Kaminari ends up calling Shinso over and over until he runs out of international minutes. It isn’t the first time it’s happened, but it’s the first time he’s had witnesses.
“Hitoshiiiiii. I love you so much you jerk! Please call m’back! When are you coming home?”
Kirishima takes his phone and sighs, “He hasn’t called?”
“Hasn’t been ABLE to.” Denki insists. Because it’s important he makes that distinction for them. For himself. Sometimes it’s the only thing keeping him sane.
Suddenly, he doesn’t know if it’s Bakugo’s contrary nature or if it’s because he actually agrees but suddenly Bakugo is leaning over the table, declaring, “Some people are busy doing hero work! Some people don’t have time! And even when you get time-!”
Bakugo frowns, and he takes another shot. He looks almost lost before he catches Kaminari’s eye, “You get it.”
It sounds accusatory.
“Yeah.” Kaminari says. It feels too hot. Stifling, and his stomach burns with alcohol and his eyes burn with tears.
Kirishima sighs and pats Bakugo’s shoulder only to get his hand grabbed and shoved away, “ Bro.”
Bakugo trails off before starting his sentence again, eyes full of tears, “You are such a good frucking friend. MY friend. You know that?”
Kirishima curses under his breath, but Bakugo is grabbing his face in his hands, “ You’re MY friend. Like MY crew.”
“Gang gang up in this bitch!” Kaminari shouts and Bakugo nods fiercely, “That’s right. We...We’re ALL best friends. Even Mina! Who couldn’t make it and Jirou and Hagakure but yanno What?! FUCK DEKU! I HAVE MY OWN FRIENDS AND THEY’RE LIKE FIVE TRILLION BILLION ZILLION-“
Kirishima trues to shut Bakugo up, but he’s on a roll,” KAZILLION TIMES BETTER. Because it’s all about accountability when your quirk can level a whole city block. And you guys ALWAYS have my back except for that one time I got food poisoning in Okinawa where THE FUCK WERE YOU GUYS?!”
“Jesus Christ Bakugo you poisoned yourself!” Kirishima cries and Sero laughs at him.
“Sero’s right,” Bakugo says with finality, “ I almost died.”
They think that’s all he has to say until Bakugo takes another shot, “We live just to die fam.”
Kirishima sighs, “I’m going to kill Camie Utsushimi.”
“LIT.” Bakugo says enthusiastically, “She’ll fuckin love that!”
Kaminari laughs so hard he pukes.