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Here it is, the moment you die a failure Caleb he thought right as the bullet hit him square in the chest.
He remembered Frumpkin shaping into a cat for the first time and headbutting his palm.
He thought of the day Nott and he went from a me and you to an us.
He thought of his first awkward hug with Beau after their fight. Fjord asking him to right the ship, trusting him. Jester grinning at him and calling him stinky in the most upbeat unrepentant tone he had ever heard. Caduceus telling him he would grow into someone important. Molly slapping him hard on the face.
Hey! Back in the game! Time for that later. You alright?
A kiss on the forehead and--
He didn’t feel the impact of his back hitting the cold damp grass. He was in darkness.
He gripped is chest. Everything clarified in shades of grey. He was in the field and standing… over his dead body.
He fell to his knees, over himself.
He wanted to feel relieved. Shouldn’t he feel relieved?
Gasping he looked up. A man stood in front of him. He wasn’t sure how he had missed him in the first place. Maybe the shock.
A lithe half-elf with large black feathered wings waved. He was cloaked in mostly black, daggers in his belt.
“Are you an angel?” Caleb asked in celestial. The half-elf looked him for a long time trying to parse out what he said.
“Oh. Uh… not really? Sorry I’m not very good at Celestial. Pervy is still trying to teach me. My sister was the smart one. Common’s fine. I’m Vax by the way.”
“Oh…” Caleb waited, not sure what this was. Not that he had any inkling of what to expect from the afterlife, but the strange man in front of him wasn’t near anything in his imagination, although the wings seemed right. There was a levity to him that made everything more surreal, but beings like this, what did they care for a mortal’s feelings? His hands started shaking. “Are you my judge then?”
“Hey.” Vax was crouched in front of him now, on the other side of his still body. He took his hands and Caleb was too overwhelmed to pull away.
“I’m not anyone’s judge. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“You should,” Maybe if he was honest it would be better for him in the long run. “I was not a good man.”
Vax peered at him. Thought it over.
“Jenga,” He said.
“Wha--”
“Caleb? CALEB!!! JESTER! MR. CLAY! SOMEONE!!!” Nott was yelling a second later noticing he was down. The little goblin sped into view, her form passed through Caleb and dumped a healing potion into his inert body. She waited.
“He’s… he’s not waking up… MR. CLAY!! JESTER! HE’S NOT WAKING UP!!”
The stranger watched this silently with him, still holding Caleb’s hands. He noticed now there was a golden thread coming out of his chest, another attached to his body. Vax was holding the two ends between their fingers.
“Caleb! Wake up!” Nott demanded. She poured another potion flooding his mouth trying to work it down. “Caleb, please, please!!” Tears started streaming down her cheeks.
Caleb felt water dropping on his own hand. Oh. He was crying as well...
“Don’t waste any more Nott, it’s fine,” He said to her, but she couldn’t hear him.
“JESTER GET THE FUCK OVER HERE! RIGHT NOW!!!” Nott screamed.
“I don’t want to watch this,” Caleb’s voice was weaker than he had meant it to be. The Half-elf squeezed his hands.
“I have the feeling that we should. Caleb?”
Caleb looked up at him.
“You were shot through the chest by a deadly weapon. The person that invented that weapon--my brother. I try to … stack the odds when I can. Just… don’t tell my boss.”
“Caleb!!” Jester gasped. She fell on the opposite side across from Nott. “How long has he been down?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. Jester please--”
Jester reached into the pocket of her dress and pulled out a diamond pressing it down on Caleb’s chest.
“I’ll save him!” She said in determination.
“That-a-girl.” Vax grinned.
“I need your help, all your help! We need to call him back!” Jester said. The others were circling around them now. Beau demanding what had happened, Fjord with his hand pushed against his mouth processing, Yasha on the edge of things completely still, knuckles white.
Caduceus didn’t hesitate at all. The gaunt Firborg gracefully dropped to his knees. “Alright.” He gently pushed some of the hair out of Caleb’s corpse’s face.
“Mr. Caleb, I believe, very strongly, that you have more things to do.” The Firborg took a deep breath. “I understand, and accept if it’s the right moment for you to go, but coming to know you, I hope that we have more time left together.” He reached to his neck and removed the peraphet placing it over Caleb’s heart. “You gave me this for faith rewarded. I have faith in you.”
“I’m not worth your faith, Mr. Clay,” Caleb whispered.
Caduceus squeezed his body’s shoulder and shifted so that he was at Caleb’s head.
“Okay, okay, okay,” Jester clutched her holy symbol trying her best to channel the spell. Divine light shone brightly into the peraphet.
There was a gentle glow between his and Vax’s hands now.
“I don’t think you get to decide where people put their faith, friend,” Vax said to him. “Not when it’s that strong.”
Before he could argue another voice interrupted.
“Fuck, okay, Fuck. I just… how do I do this?”
“You need to call him back to us,” Jester said. “You need to remind him that we still need him.”
“Okay, alright, fine. Fuck!” Beau threw herself down beside him. “Fuck man… I don’t know. I mean. Damn it, you were in the back, what the hell even happened? Gods, I’m not helping. Okay. Shit! Shit! Listen. You… all that stuff we’ve talked about, keeping each other good. And fuck, lending me Frumpkin and--listen you’re… your my friend,” Tears were leaking down her face now. “I know we’re shitty people, but we’re getting better at it. You… you. I just--you can’t. Not like Molly. Damn it! Just. Just wake up, wake up or I’m going to kick your ass!” She scooted away for a moment and came back with Frumpkin dropping him onto his chest. The cat mewled softly and bumped his forehead against his shoulder.
“You can’t threaten me out of death, Beauregard,” He chuckled sadly. “Sentimental nerd.”
“I dunno.” Vax eyed her. “She definitely seems like the type that can and would punch a ghost.”
“You know, you are actually right about that. Maybe I should be worried.” He felt his own wave of sentimentality. “She’ll be okay. Beauregard is very strong.”
“Nott?” Jester prompted softly.
Nott stared at his dead body’s face. She grasped her flask, but didn’t drink from it, as if she was too frozen to finish the familiar motion. Finally she placed it in his hand closing his stiff fingers around it.
“I’m sorry,” Caleb said. “I’m sorry. I--I’m not worth hurting over Nott, but I know you are hurting my friend.”
“Caleb…” Nott said quietly. “I… we… never decided. We never said that we would stay together. We just stuck together because it kept working. First a day, and then two, and then a week, and then a month and then six, and then we got new friends… but you said to me… I don’t remember exactly what you said, but you said that… if it didn’t work out with these people, that we could leave. That we could go together… and I… you’re the first person I’ve ever met in my entire life that wanted to keep my company. That wanted me to stay, and now I… I want you to stay Caleb. You need to stay. You can’t go yet. You’re so smart, and talented, and you still have to do all the great things you need to do, and I just… most of all, I just… please,” Her voice dropped to a whisper only Caleb could hear. “Please don’t leave me. You’re my only family.”
“I’m sorry, Nott.”
The golden thread burned brighter now with each successive person. Vax was looking to him again.
“I don’t think you’re a bad man,” Vax told him. “If you really want me to judge you I mean, then I judge you an okay sorta guy.”
Caleb furrowed his brow. “You said that you don’t know the things I have done.”
“You have really good character witnesses,” Vax winked. He looked down at their clasped hands. “It’s all a matter of luck now, if it’s your time or not.”
Gingerly Caleb let go, pulling his hands away. The golden threads remained detached. Vax gave an annoyed look.
“You’re not a lucky person, good thing for you though I am, and now, I’m invested.” Vax grabbed the two ends and tied them in a swirly-whirly sailor’s knot. The half-elf met his eyes and gave him a stern expression.
“You need to want it, Caleb. I’ve stacked it in your favour, but if you want to knock over the tower, that’s up to you.”
He had thought… I should be relieved. But he wasn’t.
And it wasn’t because he feared the punishments that awaited him in the afterlife. It wasn’t the thought of potentially facing his parents.
He wasn’t relieved because Yasha’s clenched fists were shaking now. Jester’s cheeks were covered in tears, even as she gritted her teeth in determination. He wasn’t relieved because Fjord was shaking as he squeezed Beau’s shoulder, and Beau was trembling trying her damndest not to breakdown. He wasn’t relieved because Caduceus Clay who respected nature and the cycle of life and death like no one he had ever known was saying that he shouldn’t be dead.
He wasn’t ready to go. Because Nott had asked him to stay.
“How did you sneak out? You still have questions to answer.” Vax looked up behind Caleb’s shoulder. He was perturbed.
“I know how you like asking me questions, but this one’s a friend of mine, so you’ll pardon my little walkabout,” Said a familiar not quite forgotten voice. “Caleb, dear. Get your head out of your arse and go to them.”
He didn’t, couldn’t turn his head. “...Mollymauk, I--”
Warm arms encircled him from behind.
“If not for yourself, then for their sakes, and mine.” Mollymauk whispered in his ear. “I love you all, and I don’t want to see any of you again for a very long time.” Two lavender coloured hands gently gripped his and pushed them to the knotted thread. The thread felt warm to the touch. He pulled his hands away slowly and the knot was gone, the threads connected again whole, as if they had never been cut in the first place.
“One less person for Freddy to regret.” Vax said in triumph. “Time to wake up, Caleb.”
He inhaled sharply, coughing up the thick medicinal liquid coating his throat.
“Wha--what happened, did we win?” He asked in a daze. He blinked up suddenly aware that he was surrounded by everyone, all of them looking down at him, tears running down some of their faces.
Caduceus offered him a big smile. “Hey, we did win. You died for a minute there, but don’t worry, you’ll be okay.”
“Caleb!!” Nott cried throwing herself to his chest, uprooting Frumpkin who gave an indignant squawk. She sobbed loudly. He reached for her, patting her back, unsure of what else to do. He had… he had actually…?
“We did it! We did it!” Jester cheered squeezing both Nott and Caleb into a hug. “You aren’t dead!”
“Fuckin’ hell,” Beau breathed, her shoulders dropped and she braced herself on her knees as if she had run a long way.
“Wel… welcome back,” Fjord rubbed the back of his head awkwardly “That was… way too close.”
Yasha untensed and offered her own soft smile eyes warm with relief.
He thought he should say something about Mollymauk to her in that moment, but he didn’t know what.
“I feel like shit,” He announced. He glanced over to Frumpkin and started petting him trying to avoid all the eyes on him now. “We should… uh... I… thank you…-- you didn’t draw a dick on my forehead while I was asleep did you?” He asked suspiciously. Jester just hugged him and Nott tighter.
“Ah! Jester! Can’t breath!” Nott protested.
“Okay, okay, break it up, we need to get out of here, we don’t know if anyone else is gonna come and fuck with us,” Beau said wiping her face with her forearm quickly.
“That’s a good idea,” Fjord said. He reached down and offered Caleb a hand up.
Caleb felt warm energy enter his body from Caduceus who was patting his shoulder. “Let’s get Mr. Caleb somewhere safe.”
Before he could do anything Yasha was handing him Frumpkin who quickly wrapped himself around his shoulders.
He shrunk in a little on himself, but he didn’t try to push away. They all spoke brightly now, with false bravado. They had been very scared. It must have been a nastier fight than he had seen…
There was something on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t quite remember it. He mentally sighed.
Oh well, it’ll come to him.
“As for you...” Vax said. Mollymauk gave him a cheeky grin in return. “I have to take you back now.”
“I know, I know, I’m sure I’m in for a lot of fun questions I don’t know the answer to, but--” He stared out at the figures loading up on their cart and heading down the road, their figures growing smaller and smaller.
“Just a bit longer?” He asked wistfully.
“Yeah…alright,” Vax agreed, watching them as well. He thought of his own friends. “Just a bit longer.”