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“Are you sure you’re okay?” Dan asked from behind him. “That’s the third time you’ve adjusted the thermostat today.”
Phil only nodded his head in response, not willing to risk his voice coming out as shaky as his hand was on the dial. To him, the room was positively freezing at the moment. Never mind that earlier he thought it was boiling hot. He retreated under the fuzzy pimp blanket after turning up the heat, cocooning himself in warmth. Phil was careful not to make eye contact with Dan in the armchair across the room, who watched him intently for a moment more before returning to his game.
Surely, it was just another headache. The third headache that week and the worst by far, but that was normal. Right?
Or perhaps he was getting ill. He had the chills and was a little queasy. The flu would be inopportune, but it wouldn’t be anything serious. Phil nestled further into his blanket and sighed. He was fine. Possibly sick, but otherwise, he was fine. There was no need be worried and definitely no need to worry Dan.
Eternally grateful Dan had abandoned his drumming game for now, Phil scrolled aimlessly through Instagram and waited for the ibuprofen to kick in. Even if he was fine, there was no need to suffer through the worst headache known to humankind. It was like a vice grip was clamped down around his head, slowly tightening in. Or maybe it was more like an alligator. An alligator was more entertaining to imagine. But either way, the pressure was building within his skull and pounded behind his eyes and ears. He groaned quietly and shut off his phone, burying it under the pillow. Maybe a nap would do the trick.
Dan didn’t believe a second of Phil’s constant reassurances that he was fine. Phil was shaky and cold, spent the entire day curled up on the sofa, and it was not normal for him to get so many headaches in one week. Of course, if Dan let on that he was concerned, it would send Phil into a panic. If he wasn’t already quietly brewing in panic, that is. The man was just a bit of a hypochondriac.
So quietly he watched after his boyfriend, making sure he wasn’t getting worse and not saying anything about it. At some point in the afternoon, Phil had fallen asleep and was still napping by the time Dan reached a stopping point in his game. Even in his sleep, he looked so pained. His eyes were scrunched up, brow crinkled. All Dan wanted was to make it go away.
It was around dinner time, so maybe some food would do some good. Dan heated up soup they kept stored for when someone was feeling poorly, careful not to let the sounds from the kitchen wake him early.
“Phil, wake up,” Dan whispered. He was knelt beside the sofa, attentive for signs of Phil waking.
When he didn’t move, Dan spoke a little louder. “Wake up sleepy head; it’s dinner.” He brushed a stray hair back into its place in a messy quiff.
Phil’s nose crinkled, and his eyes fluttered open slowly. “Hmm?”
“I made food, love. You napped all afternoon.”
He grunted and squeezed his eyes shut, stretching out his arms and legs. “Thank you,” he said, voice gravelly from sleep.
“We’re having soup since I know you weren’t feeling that great.”
“No, I told you I’m-” Phil paused as he sat up, and then his sentence fizzled out in a pained groan.
“Fine?” Dan finished for him, light mocking in his voice at his boyfriend's stubbornness.
He sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. “I feel like shit.”
“And that’s what the soup is for.” Dan stood up. “Do you wanna eat at the table or stay here?”
Phil looked up at him with sad, shimmering, blue eyes. “Can we eat here?”
“Of course.”
“We didn’t have your favorite, but this is the country vegetable you also said you liked. I hope that’s fine.” Dan came back into the lounge with their food, on his second trip from the kitchen after first bringing him water.
“Yeah, thanks, Dan.” His voice was quiet as he stared down into his bowl. The steam felt nice on his face, but his stomach didn’t particularly leap at the opportunity to eat.
Dan settled on the floor, opting to eat over the coffee table, but he stayed in his place on the sofa. They ate in relative silence for a while, well, Dan ate, but Phil picked around at the floating vegetables. The crackers were fine, but after only a few spoonfuls of the soup, he no longer had an appetite.
“Are you not hungry?” Dan noticed that he’d barely touched his food.
“Not really.”
“Do you think you’ll be sick?” The concern in Dan’s voice heightened, and he moved onto the couch and pressed a hand to Phil’s forehead.
“I’m just nauseous, that’s all.” He said firmly, brushing away his boyfriend's hand. “I’ll be fine.”
“If you say so. What about I get you more crackers? You need to eat something.”
“I guess so.”
“And then we can put on a movie,” Dan called out on his way to the kitchen.
***
Phil blinked awake, body tense, head still pounding. He must have been tossing and turning all night, as his side of the comforter was awkwardly tangled around his legs. Glancing at the window, he could see the faint glow of the streetlamps mixed with moonlight illuminated around the edges of their shades. It was an ungodly hour to be awake.
When he finally got to sleep, his headache dulled by a dose of ibuprofen, but during the night it returned with a vengeance. Phil remembered feeling it in his sleep, the pain mixing in with his dreams, playing with his subconscious. Now all he could feel was the pressure of the alligator still chomped down around his head, and it was reaching unbearable levels of pain. Blindly he fumbled around on his side table for his glasses and phone. After shoving on his glasses, he pressed the home button only to be blinded again by the screen on full brightness. The light hurt him even more, agitating the headache, but he blinked past it to see the time, 4:41 AM.
Quietly, Phil groaned and kicked off the blanket. He needed more drugs, and now. With every step, it was like the alligator was taking another bite. The bathroom was right at the top of the stairs, and immediately he found the pill bottle left on the edge of the sink. The pressure was building behind his ears, and it blocked out the sounds of him jostling to unscrew the safety cap. Just get the pills, and he could make the headache go away. That’s all he needed.
When he looked down into the bottle, his sight started to go hazy. Phil tried to focus on the pills as the edges of his vision blurred and flashed, but then there were two bottles, two of his hand, double everything. It all muddled together in a soup of colors and shapes before it went dark.
***
The side of his face was cold. As he tried to make sense of his surroundings, Phil felt at the tiles under his fingertips. He was on the floor. Why was he on the floor? That wasn’t good. His body felt all tingly and numb, his knee ached. That really wasn’t good. The heaviness of his head overwhelmed his senses again, and Phil remembered he needed medicine. Yes, that’s why he was here. Medicine.
He tried to sit up, surprised at how difficult it was to move. It was like living in slow motion. Phil reached for the edge of the sink to help him, but his fingers slipped, and everything was dark again.
***
There was light in his eyes. His… bathroom ceiling light? Phil was lying on the floor. Again. His heart rate picked up as fuzzy memories returned to him. Getting out of bed, coming upstairs for medicine, and then being on the ground. Was he going to die? This had to be it, the end, game over. And in this ugly bathroom of all places. Phil hated this bathroom, and he was going to have to haunt it? Looking around, he found that his vision was still swimming. There was no way he could sit up. And, oh god, he was in his emoji pants. He was going to haunt the worst room in the house in his emoji pajamas for all eternity.
And Dan. What was Dan going to do without- wait. He wasn’t dead yet, and Dan was only just downstairs.
“Daan,” Phil wailed. The shaky weakness in his voice was shocking, but he pushed through it and tried to yell louder. “Daaaan. DAAAAANN!”
It took several tries at various pitches before he heard a deep “Wot?” in response.
“I… I fell over.” Was all Phil could think to respond.
Dan bolted up and out of bed in one jostled motion, tripping on the comforter. “What the fuck?!”
Phil wasn’t in bed, he was somewhere else in the house, and he had fallen over. This wasn’t good, this was bad, this was very, very bad. Dan’s heart was racing as he frantically untangled his ankles from the sheets, grabbing a pillow in the process. There was a light on at the top of the landing, so he jumped up the stairs two at a time, only in his pants.
Sure enough, Phil was on his back, spread out, on the floor. His face was deathly pale, glasses askew. He looked down at his boyfriend for a moment, comprehending the situation, before he dropped the random pillow he was holding for some reason and rushed to Phil’s side.
“Oh my god, what happened? Are you okay? How did you fall?”
“I still had a headache, so I went to get more medicine. But everything got all blurry, and I woke up on the ground. Then I think I tried to get up, but I fell again.” Phil spoke slowly, sounding as confused as Dan felt.
“You must’ve fainted.” Dan’s heart beat even faster as he ran his hand across Phil’s forehead, looking for signs of injury. “Did you hurt yourself? Can you move? Should I call an ambulance?”
Phil reached out and gripped onto Dan’s arm. “No, no I think I’m okay. Can you help me up?”
He helped his boyfriend sit up, protectively wrapping an arm around him. Dan still wasn’t reassured that he was okay. Colour was slowly returning to Phil’s face, but he was still shaking.
“Are you sure we shouldn’t go to A&E?”
“No, I think I’m okay.”
“You fainted,” Dan stated plainly, not sure what to do about it.
“Can I have toast?”
He stared at Phil for a long moment before speaking. “… You want… toast? You just bloody fainted, and you want toast?” His voice raised to a squeaky pitch.
“I’m really tired, and I want toast, Dan. Please?”
Dan sighed loudly. “Alright.” He would do anything for this man, even if that were making toast at 5 AM.
He helped Phil down the hall and to the lounge, keeping his arm around him the whole time to make sure he didn’t fall. Once he was safe on the sofa under several layers of blankets, Dan made the toast. Tomorrow they would be going to see a doctor whether Phil wanted to or not. No one just faints for no reason.
With a tall glass of water and plate of toast, he returned to the lounge and handed it to Phil.
“Are you sure all you need is toast?”
“Could you get me the ibuprofen to take when I’m done?” His voice was already starting to sound stronger, which reassured Dan.
“Of course, love. I’ll bring the whole bottle in, so you don’t need to get up again.”
Dan brought the medicine in and shook two pills out, leaving them to rest in the lid.
“Thank you.” Phil leaned up, asking for a kiss, which gently Dan reciprocated.
“I’m just glad you’re okay,” he whispered.
***
Dan was sitting at the end of the sofa, massaging Phil’s feet which were stretched out over his lap. It was an early hour of the morning, and exhaustion was setting in after all the adrenaline left his system. But he would not sleep, he intended to watch over Phil’s sleeping figure until it was time to wake him in a few hours. He was frightened something might happen again if he closed his eyes. It was terrifying that was all it could’ve taken to lose Phil, the love of his life. Just a fall.
This time when Phil woke up, he felt safe and warm. Dan was sitting at his feet, a hand rubbing little circles on his ankle. He smiled at his loving boyfriend.
“Good morning.”
Then there was pain.
“Ughhh. My head still hurts.”
“Then we’re going to hospital. I’ll get you some clothes.”
Dan left in a rush, and Phil felt anxiety brewing in the pit of his stomach. And maybe some nausea too. God, he hated hospitals.
***
The wait was agonizingly long, but eventually, they were called back by a chipper nurse with short blonde hair. They were taken to a small thin room with two chairs and some equipment in it. He sat down next to the nurse while Dan stood against the wall, watching him nervously as Phil had his blood pressure taken and his finger was hooked up to a heart monitor. She took some of his other vitals and ask several questions before explaining he needed blood tests done.
“Do you like needles?” She was kind, but that was just an awful question to ask.
“Uh, no.” Who did?
“Well, I’m going to need to draw some blood now, so we can send it off to run some basic tests. You’ll want to look the other way. Is it okay if I use this arm?” She gestured to his left arm, and he nodded.
Dan walked over to stand beside him supportively. As she wiped the chilly alcohol swab across his skin, he reached out and grabbed Dan’s hand. They didn’t do this in front of others, but rather certain that the nurse had no idea who he was, he wanted the comfort. He leaned into Dan’s arm and squeezed his hand tightly as he felt the prick of the needle.
“All done!” She announced shortly after that, securing cotton over the site with medical tape. “A neurologist will be in soon to speak with you.”
After gathering her things on a tray, the nurse left them alone.
“Still feeling okay?” Dan asked him, moving to sit down in the now available chair.
“Yeah. I just hate it here. I hope we can leave soon,” Phil sighed.
“Same. It smells weird.”
***
An older doctor came in later and explained to Phil that he should get a CT scan to rule out any injury or problems in his brain. He could tell that as the doctor spoke, Dan was freaking out as much as he was (if not more so), and the weight of the decision was not lost on either of them. Phil tried to joke about gaining superpowers from the radiation, but that didn’t help to quell either of their anxieties.
What if something was wrong? What if he needed surgery? Or what they found out he only had weeks to live? The possibilities were terrifying, but he went ahead and got the procedure done, leaving a very nervous Dan in the waiting room.
In reality, Phil was only gone for a short amount of time. But with every second that Dan sat there, he could feel time slow down, minutes dragging on forever. His fingernails tapped anxiously on the uncomfortable plastic armrest of his chair. The room was full, several other sick people and loved ones waiting. Some people were passed out, and despite being very sleep deprived by now, Dan could not bring himself to nap in the middle of a waiting room. Other people seemed unbelievably calm as if they were on the train just swiping away on their phones. He was so relieved to see Phil again, looking just as fine as when he left.
“Are you dying?” Those were the first words Dan could think to say.
Phil laughed awkwardly and sat down next to him. “I hope not.”
“They didn’t say anything yet?”
“No, they needed the neurologist to look at it.”
They both sighed and pulled out their phones, lapsing back into the silent waiting game of A&E. Sometime later a different nurse, this woman tall and serious looking, walked up to them. “Philip Lester? We need to discuss your CT scan results. Will you follow me?”
Dan’s heart dropped in sync with the look on Phil’s face. That was not a reassuring tone in the doctor's voice. Phil was dying; he was sure of it now. He didn’t get to go back, again, left to wait, even more, this time with his stomach in his throat, unable to quell his anxiety. But when he saw his boyfriend walk back down the corridor, he smiled softly, and all of the fear melted away.
“Are you not dying?”
“Phil discreetly brushed his hand over Dan’s on the armrest. “No, they said my brain is fine.”
“Oh, thank god,” he sighed, leaning into Phil. “Does that mean we can go?”
“No, I still have to stay.” He squirmed uncomfortably. “They said they were getting consultation on what to do next? I don’t know; maybe I just need some medicine or something. They said I was fine, except maybe I had a sinus infection. You should go, though.”
Dan studied his face. He didn’t know what happened during the discussion, but Phil didn’t look as at ease by the confirmation that he wasn’t going to die as Dan was. And now he was being asked to leave?
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” Phil gave him another smile that seemed a little forced. “You could call my parents and let Marianne know and then you should relax. Did you get any more sleep last night?”
“No, but are-”
“Dan, you need to rest. You can go home; I’ll be back soon.”
He didn’t know what else to do besides listen to Phil. It was all okay now, right? And he did need to tell Phil’s family and their manager. “Okay, but you need to call me if anything changes at all.”
“Of course, I will.”
“I’ll meet you back at home then. I love you.”
“Love you too.” Phil squeezed his arm, and Dan gathered his things and left.
He was fine. They assured him nothing serious was wrong. But that did not quell the uncomfortable nagging feeling that something still wasn’t right. The doctor he discussed his results with was nice, but he could tell from her face that something still wasn’t finished. She kept flipping through his charts and records, a little distracted. And then asking him to stay while they waited on a consult was not at all reassuring. So, he told Dan to go. In hindsight, it might’ve been a poorly thought out move, but the strange energy of the doctors was making his anxiety do stupid things.
He was disturbed from his deep thought by the same blonde nurse from earlier.
“Mr. Lester, sir, I’m here to escort you to your room,” she said, with the same forced pep in her voice.
His stomach twisted into knots. “What- why do I need a room?”
“Just somewhere to wait, that’s all. A doctor wishes to speak with you.”
He got up and followed her without another question, but he could feel his hands starting to shake again. They went immediately into a lift after leaving the waiting area, and as they traveled to the second floor, he could feel his heart drop and get left behind on the first floor. Something definitely wasn’t right, and now Dan’s gone, and he’s alone. Why did he ask Dan to go? It’s better to be worried together than scared shitless alone.
The nurse dropped him off in a proper bedroom this time. It was still small, but the bed was a real patient bed and not a gurney. There was one of those wheeled side tables on one side of the bed and a chair on the other. The walls were a deep blue with a white stripe around the middle, much nicer than the muted green walls of A&E. A clock on the wall showed that it was already 6 PM. That made six whole hours that he’s been in hospital.
His stomach grumbled. All Phil wanted was to go home.
***
Almost an entire hour passed. He lied to Dan and told him that he was still in waiting and that it was just really busy. Phil hated lying, but it wasn’t worth worrying him until he knew why he was in this room. That’s when a new doctor knocked on the door before letting herself in.
He sat up and swung his legs over the bed to face her. She had curly, strawberry blonde hair and greeted him with a bright smile. Unlike all the other doctors he had seen that day, she wasn’t dressed in any scrubs, but instead was wearing a pink blouse and a black skirt.
“Hi, Mr. Lester,” She stuck out her hand and shook his, “I’m Dr. Brianna Anderson. I’m the consult they asked for on your case. I just had a few questions to ask you.”
“It’s nice to meet you.”
“So, I’ve been told that you came in reporting a migraine, yes?”
“Um, yes, but they told me my scans were fine. Is there something else wrong?”
“Well, it was your blood work that showed some slight irregularities. We’re running a few more tests now, but I wanted some clarification on your records first.”
“Oh, okay.” No one told him anything about his blood tests earlier.
“Your history says that you’ve tested positive for the male carrier gene and had a complete genetic work up from a specialist a few years ago. Has anything changed since then regarding your reproductive health?”
Phil blanked. After everything he’s gone through in the past 24 hours, this was not what he expected to hear. Never this.
“N-no.”
“And you checked that you were sexually active?” Her voice held steady in its professional pitch as she ran her pen down a clipboard.
“Yes.”
“Do you regularly take any carrier-gene suppressants or use any barrier methods or other forms of contraceptives?”
“Not… typically.” It was a lie; he and Dan never used any, although it wasn’t often that they did everything that was necessary for Phil to even think about it. He didn’t like the mess, after all.
“Hmm.” She continued to mark whatever was on her clipboard.
“But the doctors said it was very extremely unlikely. It was a weak gene… or whatever.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t make it impossible to conceive.” She looked directly at him. “Mr. Lester, do you think it’s possible for you to be pregnant?”
His mouth opened and closed, completely unsure of how to answer. There was no way. This could not happen to him, surely. But after the tour when things finally settled down…
“There’s a… chance. Am I?”
“We’re running the tests because the hormone levels were high. But it still unlikely given the protein levels last recorded. But those were four years ago; you want to remember to see the specialist every two years until you’re forty.”
“Okay.” His voice was high and shaky.
“Well then, depending on the results, we may need to hold you overnight for observation. Is there anyone you can call if necessary?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay! I’ll be back in a bit; please relax while you wait.”
Phil was numb. All of the stress of the day left his nerve endings fried, and he could barely begin to process what just happened. He thought back over the past two months. There was a possibility. But she said it was unlikely. Very unlikely.
He grabbed for his phone. Dan needed to get here now.
Dan immediately picked up the phone when he saw Phil’s name pop up.
“Hey, I’ve been texting is everything alright? I already called your-”
Phil cut him off. “Dan sweetie, I need you to listen for a minute.”
He was silent. That was Phil’s ‘I’m panicking but trying to sound calm’ voice.
“I might have to stay for observation overnight; they’ve moved me to a private room for now. Can you pack me a bag with my things and come back?”
“What happened are you okay?”
“Just bring my stuff and hurry, please?”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“I love you.” He could tell Phil was straining to sound okay.
“I love you too.”
The call ended, and Dan froze where he was, looking around the room as he made a mental checklist of what needed to go in a hospital bag. Then he sprinted into action, shoving everything he could find into the first backpack he saw. He ran up and down the stairs, panting, as he tried to think of everything Phil might need, throwing in some things for himself too. As he was looking for the last odds and ends that couldn’t be forgotten, he called a car so that he wasted no time. Phil needed him there. Something was wrong. He left, and something changed, and he hated the feeling of not being there for it.
The car ride felt too long and gave him too much time to worry, but it dropped him off at hospital about fifteen minutes later, and Dan immediately asked someone for Phil’s room. And then there he was, sitting on a bed in a tiny room, tapping on his phone.
“Oh, thank fuck you’re okay.” He crossed the room in three strides and pulled his boyfriend into a hug. Phil smelled like hospital, and he hated it, but he was alive and looked no different than when he left.
“Yes, yeah, I’m okay.”
Dan framed Phil’s face in his hands, looking anywhere for some sign of harm before firmly kissing him. They hadn’t gotten to do that all day.
“Why do you need to stay? What are you in this room for?”
“There’s um… I need to explain.”
Dr. Anderson opened the door at that very moment, pushing in with her a large monitor. Deep in his heart, he knew what that meant, and his heart did a little flippy thing. He grabbed Dan’s hand, not planning to let go.
“Hello again, Mr. Lester. And who’s this?”
“My partner Dan.”
“Hi Dan, I’m Dr. Brianna Anderson.” She looked over at them both and smiled before returning to the machine, situating it in place on the other side of Phil’s bed. “Now, I have your results. Would you like to discuss these in private or…?”
“It’s fine.”
“The tests were positive; you’re pregnant.”
There was a moment of silence, punctuated by the sound of Dan dramatically flopping down into the chair beside him. Phil wasn’t surprised at that reaction. But this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Ever. This wasn’t supposed to happen in the first place. He didn’t know how to feel.
“Your hormone levels suggest about seven weeks. However, considering that you did have a fall, I’m also going to need to do an ultrasound scan to check for any signs of fetal distress and look for a heartbeat to confirm. Is that alright?”
“Yes, please.”
Dan’s grip on his hand was deathly tight. Phil took a deep breath to steady himself before looking over as the doctor was adjusting his bed and preparing the machine.
Every possible emotion painted Dan’s face. His mouth was slightly agape with shock but tilted ever so slightly upward in some semblance of a smile. His eyebrows raised in confusion, and his eyes… Dan’s creamy chocolate doe eyes were so, so scared. Phil couldn’t think of something to say. He tried to communicate some sort of message in his look but resigned to a simple shrug of his shoulders. This was what was happening, and he did not know what to say or do or feel about it.
“If you could pull your shirt up for me, please. I’m going to squirt some gel that will be a bit cold at first,” Dr. Anderson interrupted their mental conversation.
Phil did as she said, but kept his other hand securely locked with Dan’s. He was lying flat on his back now with his stomach exposed and it was nerve-wracking. The possibility of ‘fetal distress’ scared him. What if as soon as this impossibility occurred, it got taken right back? Phil wasn’t even sure how he felt about this, to start. It wasn’t planned, they didn’t even think it was in the cards. It was too unlikely to try for; they would adopt when the time was right. But now everything was changing, and his thoughts couldn’t keep up.
The gel was very cold, and it felt weird and gooey being smushed around by the little stick in her hand. He and Dan both looked over at the blurry screen she positioned for them. She stilled her movements and pressed some buttons.
“And there we go, there’s a baby in there alright,” her voice was cheery and certain, but Phil didn’t know what he was seeing. “This large part here is the head,” she traced it with a pastel pink fingernail, “and that’s the body. You can barely see the beginnings of little arms starting to grow.”
Dan’s grip softened, and he scooched his chair closer to the bed, leaning forward with interest. Phil risked a glance over at him. The pure wonder in his eyes was heartwarming.
“Ooh, look right there at that flickering.” She moved her wand a little more to get a better position. “That’s the heartbeat. It looks nice and strong; the baby had a soft place to land in there.”
After she adjusted more things on her control panel, a quick, repetitive swooping noise filled the room. They heard a heartbeat.
Dan stood up from his chair where he had so gracelessly fallen. At the time he was certain his legs would give out on him. It was unexpected. Unexpected might have been an understatement. He knew Phil was a carrier and they had gone to a doctor about it, but they were told it was likely impossible that anything would come from that. That was years ago, and they already discussed the matter to death, deciding adoption was preferable anyway.
But now he was in a room listening to the sound of a fluttery fetus’ heartbeat. Dan stood up to better watch the tiny screen, still holding Phil’s hand, now clutching it close to his chest. He rested his other hand on his boyfriend's shoulder, fingers playing with the fabric of his gray jumper as he gave a comforting squeeze.
“Wow,” Dan marveled, entranced by the sound and motion of that teeny tiny heartbeat. A billion thoughts running through his mind were quieted by it, and he looked down to see Phil in a similar trance.
“I have some pictures printed for you to keep, and a lot more information to give you,” the doctor started to wrap up the scan. “I want to keep you overnight just to make sure nothing changes and so we can be certain you and baby are safe to go home.”
She handed the glossy photos over to Phil and wiped off his stomach before adjusting his bed back up.
“I’ll be back in a bit,” she said, pushing the machine with her on her way out.
They just looked at each other, neither man saying anything for a while. It was a lot to process. Dan could see when Phil’s thoughts started to move too fast and overwhelm him, making his scrunch up ad water. Immediately he engulphed his boyfriend in the biggest hug, burying his head in his shoulder and squeezing tightly.
“Oh, Phil.” The words muffled into his jumper.
“I… I didn’t know this was going to happen.” He sounded distressed.
“It’s okay. It’s more than okay.” Tired of standing and feeling the urge to be even closer, Dan climbed onto the bed next to Phil who made room for him, never breaking their embrace.
“I’m really scared.”
Dan pulled away to look Phil in the eyes, cupping the back of his head gently where his fingers drew little circles at the nape of his neck. Phil rested his hand on Dan’s bicep, and they just breathed each other in, steadying themselves. It was all so much, and he was completely inundated with feelings.
“I am too. But we’ve got this, yeah?”
Phil looked down at the pictures that were now resting in his lap. He took a cautious breath and whispered, “I think I’m also really excited.” A tiny smile broke out on his lips, tugging at the corners of his cheeks, blush slowly spreading.
Dan gazed down at the scans too, lightly knocking his forehead against Phil’s. He smiled too, first small, then a big cheeky grin and he started to laugh, and so did Phil. They laughed joyously together as they looked at the pictures of their surprising, unbelievable, miraculous baby.