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There were many times where you wanted to tell Jason that you loved him. Sometimes you felt like your heart was so full of love for him that if you didn’t say anything you would explode right then and there. Despite how much you wanted to tell him, you couldn’t find the courage to do so. Not for a while at least.
The first time you wanted to say it was a random morning where you woke up with him. It wasn’t uncommon for Jason to spend the night at your house, but that morning was different for you. For one, it was sunny outside. Given the fact that Gotham is perpetually blanketed in a shroud of smog, it was surprising to wake up to actual sunlight coming in through your window.
When you’d first woken up you were sort of mesmerized by the way the light was streaming in through your curtains. You’d almost forgotten Jason was asleep behind you until you felt him stirring slightly.
The moment you turned onto your side to face him it was like the warmth from the sun was creeping deep into your chest. Maybe it was the angelic halo that the sunlight gave him or maybe it was the way his hair fell and curled at the ends around his forehead. Something about him lying in a peaceful sleep just made your heart sing. Whatever it was, it was powerful and made you want to wrap him in the tightest embrace and gush about him for hours.
That was when you wanted to tell him. You wanted to say it so badly. Just so he’d know and so that you could get it off of your chest. You thought that if he didn’t hear you say it right at that moment that the world might end. At least that’s what it felt like.
You knew, though, that as much as you wanted to, you couldn’t say it right then. Jason hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks and it was probably the first time he’d been able to sleep through the night uninterrupted. Waking him up would be just cruel. Even if you had good intentions. It would just have to wait until he was awake and the time was right.
The next time you wanted to say it was vastly different than that first morning. This time it was late at night. You were in your living room finishing up some last-minute work when you heard the thump coming from your bedroom. You didn’t react much after the initial shock because he came in through that window more than he came through your front door. It wasn’t until a minute or so later that Jason finally came out of your room.
He was still in his armor, but his helmet was off, probably in your room somewhere. It was dark, so you couldn’t see much until he came further into the light of your table lamp. You noticed immediately that he looked oddly pale. Your eyes then moved downwards and caught sight of the blood soaking through the armor plating near his shoulder.
You were rushing to him instantly. You reached him just in time as his legs gave out beneath him. You had to halfway drag him to the couch because of his weight, but somehow you managed to get him there. The moment he was on the couch you started bombarding him with questions. He ushered for you to help him remove the bloodied suit and your voice paused for a full second before you continued panicking as you helped him out. You asked where he was and what happened. Who did that to him and why he didn’t go to Alfred first. The older butler may not have been a real doctor, but he had way more experience with this sort of thing than you did.
Your voice was jumping question to question so fast that there was no chance that Jason could have answered any of them. Even if he was trying to, which he definitely wasn’t. After the armor and his suit were removed you were finally able to see the full extent to his injury. Or at least the source of all the blood. It was so drenched in red that you couldn’t tell what the Hell happened to him.
“It’s just a knife wound,” he said breathily. “I let it sit for too long without stopping the bleeding.”
“Jason, there’s blood everywhere.” You quickly ran into your bathroom to retrieve your little first aid kit and some towels before you returned to him. The first thing you did was try to stop the bleeding and clean it up. You used the towels to put pressure on his shoulder. At that point you just going off of things you’d seen on TV but Jason didn’t stop you so you assumed it was right.
“What am I supposed to do? I’m not a doctor, I don’t know what you need,” you whimpered. The way your hands were shaking and the waver in your voice did not go unnoticed by him. Even though your mind was racing in a panic and it felt like you were having a heart attack, you could still feel his hand moving to cover yours, squeezing your wrist gently.
“Relax,” he said. Somehow his voice managed to drag your eyes away from his shoulder and back to his where he looked at you with a calm gaze. “I’ve done this hundreds of times, just listen to me and I’ll be alright. Trust me.”
You were frozen for a minute with tears burning your eyes. You still felt worried and sick, but his words did manage to calm you down. That’s when your mind jumped to saying it.
All you had to do was say ‘I love you’. You could even whisper it in the quiet of your apartment. The adrenaline in your body was pushing you to just do it, but still you didn’t have the courage. Instead, you just nodded and focused back on his shoulder.
The third time was during the day when the two of you were out together in Gotham. You’d just gotten out of seeing a movie and were on your way home with dinner. There was a lot of rain that day so Jason held an umbrella above the two of you and you held the bag of food on your arm. Since you had on a tall pair of boots you were splashing through the puddles of water as you passed them. Jason was at your side with a smile on his face, trying to finish a story he was telling without stopping to laugh.
There was a commotion going on a little further ahead but neither of you noticed because you were so absorbed in your own little world. Thankfully, Jason looked up at just the right moment to see someone barreling towards you at full speed. There was a police officer trailing behind them, so you assumed they must have been stealing or something. Whatever the case was, he would have thrown you hard into the concrete if Jason hadn’t yanked you out of the way.
You stumbled backwards awkwardly into his chest just as the two sped past you. The cop shouted out a rushed apology as he left and they disappeared around a corner not too long after.
“What kind of idiot tries to steal in broad daylight,” Jason growled, his eyes still looking after them. You were at least glad he hadn’t chased after them himself or done something worse. After a while he looked back down at you still in his arms with concern. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” you mumbled. You flinched a little as you tried to set your left foot down though as you instantly felt a sharp pain there. “I might have twisted my ankle, though.”
“Shit,” Jason hissed. He bowed his head to look down to where you were holding your leg up away from the ground. “I’m sorry, that was stupid. I pulled you back way too hard. Fuck.” He handed you the umbrella and lifted you up enough to bring you to the ledge of a nearby building where he could get a better look at your ankle. Once he sat you down he crouched down and moved his hands to your leg. He gently tried to examine your ankle further, making sure to keep an eye on your reaction.
“I don’t think it’s broken but it’s definitely sprained,” he said after he was finished. “I’m so sorry.” He was looking up at you now and you could tell he felt awful about it. When you looked back, you weren’t really thinking about your ankle, though. The way he was looking back up at you was enough to make your heart start racing again.
“Come here,” you said a little distantly. You reached out and took hold of his shoulders as he obliged and neared your face. He was definitely confused, but he didn’t say anything or break your gaze. This time you refused to chicken out. You were going to say it for sure.
You took a moment to just look at him, taking in his expression. His hair was a little damp because of some bits of rain that had gotten to it and his eyes were still worried as they locked on yours. It was cold enough that you were able to see little clouds of his breath visible in the air, which reminded you that you needed to release the breath you were holding. After taking a deep breath you finally managed to open your mouth.
“I love you,” you whispered to him, finally able to say the words that had been weighing on your heart. Jason was utterly speechless as he stared up at you. He could just barely open and close his mouth before he was finally able to use his words.
“I almost just broke your ankle and you choose now to drop the first ‘I love you’?” he asked, starting to grin. He pulled you in closer as you started laughing and gave you a sweet kiss on your forehead before pulling away to look back into your eyes. “I love you too.”