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“Hey, are you going to space out on me?”
Yashiki had his train of meandering thoughts interrupted by Mashita rather forcefully nudging his shoulder into his. Yashiki shot him a look of mild annoyance and realized he had been staring at his own mark for a couple of minutes now. It took a second, but he was indeed spacing out. Struggling a little, he tried to pierce together the previous thoughts he was simmering on before they were completely forgotten. It was akin to trying to catch something small being carried away by the current, reaching and attempting to grasp what had just transpired only for it to escape him. It was easy, and less stressful, to just let himself forget things and not realise they were missing later, but it was a small exercise in fortifying his memory against the curse.
Mary had just told him he wasn’t going to die at dawn, which was very close by now. He had no choice but to believe it, even though there was really no solid proof that it would or would not happen, because the idea that all his previous efforts through the night had meant nothing was a little too hopeless to take in at that moment. And afterwards, he turned to just stare at the mark. Thinking. Most likely about the whole night, taking in the events, the curse itself, the fact his memories were gone. And that, at least for now, this night was all he had to hold onto.
He felt Mashita’s presence by his side step forward, probably to start shaking him out of his mind hole, and decided to turn to face him before he could do so, enjoying that he seemed a little taken aback by it. There was however, a hint of relief in his features.
“... I’m okay. I was just thinking.” Mashita seemed to relax, and just naturally shift to his regular expression of a condescending smile. At least that’s what it looked like to Yashiki at first, but now he was beginning to wonder if Mashita’s face was just structured that way and he didn’t actually mean anything bad by it.
“Well, that’s good, you can still think.” He let out a small laugh. It sounded like mocking, but… Yashiki decided to change his approach.
“What, were you worried?”
It seemed to generate an undecipherable expression on Mashita’s face. He stopped laughing, a little shocked, possibly offended, and his smile almost completely disappeared. His brows furrowed for a second before he could retort.
“You’re so lackadaisical for a man who can’t even remember his own name and could forget everything again at any time. I don’t understand you.”
Mashita acted calm, but he seemed a little upset. Yashiki couldn’t really understand why, but felt rather bad for trying to tease him. The other man glanced at his rather regretful face and read right through him again, and continued to speak.
“It was rather terrifying, you know. Back at H Elementary.” Mashita seemed to wander off and Yashiki followed, and he realised the man wanted to lead the conversation away from the children and Mary.
“There’s no way you’d know this, of course, but my memories are returning to me now that my mark is gone. I realize now how tricky these things are, it’s not like it washed all over me at once, I had to look for what I had forgotten.” The mansion was large, so finding a living room where they could talk and smoke wasn’t difficult. Yashiki noted however that Mashita’s pace was a little more hurried than his, and the discomfort seemed greater than just wanting to smoke. It was as if he was avoiding him, while also wanting to talk.
“But, I was confused as to what had happened in there. I barely remembered any of it when we came out. I can’t say for certain but I’d hope you still remember it better than I do.”
Yashiki did indeed remember. He was starting to treasure every little thing he actually could remember while it was still there, but a lot was still slipping through the cracks. Mashita seemed barely conscious at the school, presumably because of the amnesia, and had difficulty walking on his own, responded with short, broken up sentences and seemed just extremely out of it. He remembered pulling Mashita by the hand when he instinctively decided to chase that strange black rabbit and felt a little flustered, something that did not go unnoticed.
“...Having that happen when you and I were in danger was horrifying. It felt like the world was moving around me so fast and I couldn’t speak properly, I couldn’t move, I wasn’t inside my own body. My brain was doing god knows what and it felt like being a passenger in my own life while the worst could happen. This whole situation is already so absurd to begin with, and I went and became nothing but an incoherent deadweight to you, unable to do anything. I didn’t even get to be blissfully unaware of the situation, I knew what was going on, I just-” He kicked the wall in frustration, cutting off his own sentence. Yashiki watched the ex-detective’s face twist into a type of loathing that he hadn’t expected out of him, it seemed more directed inwards than an actual complaint. The situation was over, after all. Mashita was safe, his memories were back and his mark was gone. He wouldn’t have to deal with that ever again if he just stepped out of this mansion and never looked back. And avoided haunted spots, probably. He watched him, silently because he didn’t know what to say, and was a rather taken aback by the idea that Mashita cared about being a bother to anyone. Let alone to him.
Mashita’s shoulders tensioned greatly before he could let out a deep sigh, still facing the wall and slightly leaning into it.
“Well, let’s just say it was unpleasant experience.” He turned his neck to smile the same old crooked, wry smile. An expression that was starting to take on different meanings to Yashiki now. This one looked rather pained.
“Thank you, Mashita.” He didn’t want to come across as too patronizing after all that, and wasn’t sure if he had succeeded, but Mashita dropped down on the couch next to him like he carried the whole world on his back, and dragged into his cigarette. “For the warning.” It seemed that’s what the speech was about, in terms of intent. Yashiki presumed that Mashita would probably be annoyed at a ‘I’m sorry’.
“No problem.” He crossed his legs nonchalantly and smoked. It seemed now, with all the information gathered, an attempt to feel normal, feel calm and relaxed, and rather forced. Not in the sense he was pretending anything, he genuinely didn’t seem to want the comfort he needed. “I’m glad you actually understand now. If that can happen to you and you’re outside of the mansion on your own, you’re basically easy prey. For anyone really, humans and spirits alike. I don’t want your blood on my hands.”
Yashiki nodded in response mostly to make him feel more satisfied, and contemplated if he should push more, or let things go. Mashita seemed reluctant but ultimately receptive to questions if he gave him space to feel comfortable. To buy time he dove his hand into his pocket and fished out a pack of cigarettes. By the time he had one in his mouth, he remembered he didn’t have a lighter, as far as he knew. The other man took note of him shuffling into his own pocket.
“Yashiki.”
He turned to see Mashita offering the tip of his own cigarette to light it, his face a little closer than before, and Yashiki gulped. Why was this making him nervous? He decided to go for it before there would be a chance to mock his hesitation, touching the tip of their cigarettes together and taking a mild drag. Mashita looked at him dead on the entire time, seemingly studying his face, but they both couldn’t stop themselves from averting their gazes afterwards. They stood in silence, rather awkwardly, able to feel the other shuffle in the couch from how close they were, but neither able to really back away, in fear of what acknowledging that space meant. Yashiki decided he had to break the ice for both of their sakes.
“Mary uh- also did say you all had to leave the mansion tomorrow morning. Do you need me to drive you anywh-”
“I can get around on my own. No need to worry about me.” It was a neutral sentence but his tone shifted to being slightly colder and bitter than usual. It was another roadblock, there was probably no saving this interaction anymore. It left Yashiki a little dissuaded from speaking, and he started to feel how tired he was, sinking a little more into the couch silently.
“... Are you going to be fine on your own?”
Mashita’s voice sounded soft again. Maybe even softer than usual. Yashiki thought it was because he was also tired.
“I’ll manage… No need to worry about me.” He was too tired to turn and look, but he could feel the glare that was being shot at him for that bit of cleverness.
“Suit yourself.” Mashita got up and headed back to the main room without much more pretense. Yashiki thought to himself that he probably ruined that interaction, and even though he would most likely never see that man again after tonight, it made him slightly sad. He tried to shrug these feelings off before getting ready to go upstairs and sleep.
Everyone had seemingly fallen asleep by now. Mashita checked on the kids before walking to Yashiki’s door, only to stop right outside. Suddenly he felt more hesitant about just checking in, when it clearly wasn’t a problem for him when it came to the other two people in the mansion. He breathed through his nose and closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind, before turning the handle silently and peering in. Yashiki was indeed asleep. That was all he wanted to know, but his mind and his eyes wandered again, and he slinked into the bedroom quietly. He wanted to absorb information as quickly as possible, but at the same time something in it made him want to stay forever. His lingering was eating him alive.
Yashiki rested on the bed, glasses tucked away on the cabinet, dressed down to his shirt, tie hung over a chair along with his jacket. Mashita’s gaze rolled over the undone buttons of his shirt, the soft and messy medium-length hair that covered some of his sharp face, the red dog bite shaped mark on his forearm, and finally analyzing the finer details of his face. Yashiki had a mature appearance, while also looking very gentle and harmless. At least that’s how it all came across to Mashita, who curled his fists together and dug his nails into his own skin when doing so, trying to remind himself to leave. He then noticed Yashiki starting to shake and shuffle in his sleep, brows furrowed together.
A bad dream, huh? Mashita thought to himself. It made him come even closer, the opposite of what he wanted. He kneeled a little, and lightly pressed his thumb where his brows were tensioned without thinking, as if to flatten out his expression, like it would help. It worked for a second. Mashita felt his face flush. Yashiki felt as soft as he looked, and he was really warm. That feeling sent shivers over his entire body and he recoiled. He had always been rather gung-ho about doing things. People called him rude, tactless, thoughtless, because he was a direct person who did what was needed or said what he thought. But even Mashita himself could feel he was pushing a little far from feeling alone, and his mind was stuck playing catch up. He didn’t know what he wanted anymore.
Yashiki started muttering in his sleep, whining very quietly and completely incoherently, confirming Mashita’s suspicions of him being stuck in a bad dream. He looked so vulnerable. It made Mashita feel things he couldn’t put into words, so he chalked it up to annoyance. He stared now at Yashiki’s hands. He had remembered now, he held his hand when he couldn’t move fast enough. The whole ordeal at the school bothered him so much but he couldn’t fully convey why. Eventually all he could think was ‘Why didn’t you leave me behind?’.
Feeling his heart on his lungs, Mashita reached for Yashiki’s hand and squeezed his fingers into his palm slowly. It was so much warmer than his own. It made him swallow, trying to deal with the rising anxiety inside him. ‘Why didn’t you leave me behind when I was nothing but a burden to you? What’s wrong with you? You could’ve been killed because I was dragging you down’ His mind echoed and he unintentionally gripped Yashiki’s hand tighter. Before he could correct his mistake, the other man’s hand closed around his weakly, since he was still asleep, but enough to make Mashita feel something twinge inside his very being, like a string being pulled until it’s almost about to snap, ringing out a strange pain on his throat and down his chest. He worried about Yashiki noticing him letting go, and was unable to get up for a while.
He was out of the room in a flash after that, Yashiki’s body warmth following him still, stinging more than that cursed mark ever could.
Halfway down the stairs he started to curse under his breath, walking in a hurried pace. Arriving on the ground floor, he resisted the urge to drop his body on the carpet and walked towards Mary, trying to soften his pace once he came into her sight. Dolls don’t sleep, certainly. She was there, in the same spot as before, unmoving. Before he fully came close however, she began to speak.
“Is something the matter, Lord Mashita?”
He definitely hadn’t really gotten used to her yet. Something about her just made him get on guard.
“Why do you want us to leave the mansion? Too many freeloaders?”
“It was but Lady Saya’s wish that the mark bearers returned to their own lives once they were free of it.”
Her eyes. Maybe it was her eyes. Glassy, and beautiful, completely unmoving. It was hard to trust. She was uncanny to look at up close.
“And leave Yashiki to fend for himself? Have you seen the guy… you must be out of your mind if you think leaving him alone in this condition is a good idea.”
“I am aware of the risks that Lord Yashiki is facing. However-“ Mary turned and moved slightly, her joints squeaking gently. “You will be at risk, should you stay around him.”
“Excuse me?”
“Given that Lord Yashiki must find the spirit that gave him his mark, having people tag alongside him that could possibly get marked would be irresponsible, let alone someone who already has had to get one removed. Outsiders should not be involved.”
Mashita held back from getting too aggressive with a doll of all things, but he was getting exponentially irritated.
“Don’t call me an ‘outsider’ after everything I’ve been through tonight. That still doesn’t address how Yashiki can just easily die if he’s out on the field on his own!”
“Lord Mashita. Are you not delighted to be rid of your mark?”
It was a remark he couldn’t really respond to. It felt like a rude question, but the doll was probably asking in earnest, and she was right. The kids will be surely out of here when morning comes. Who would want to go through more of this hell? Those who had something to go back to would be flat out absurd for staying.
“Yashiki still has his.”
The doll blinked, slowly. As if she was thinking rather deeply on how to phrase her sentence.
“Are you worried for him, Lord Mashita?”
Mashita choked on his own words. It was the second time he was being asked to think about this more deeply than he wanted to allow himself to. This time, he couldn’t really find the strength to sidestep it. He paced to the wall and leaned his back on it, lighting a cigarette.
“I owe him one, you know. I don’t want to leave this mansion owning a debt to a guy who drives without a license.”
It was more conjecture to convince himself than Mary.
They were in silence for a moment before Mary decided it was appropriate to speak.
“Do you not have a place to go back to, Lord Mashita?”
“I don’t feel like answering that.” It felt like an admission, and it was a weak move for him, but he was extremely drained by this point. He wanted to quit the conversation but didn’t want to be alone yet.
“Do you wish to help Lord Yashiki, then?”
“Are you… really going to make me say it?” If she could, the doll would’ve probably given him a look of sympathy. Mashita sounded like a child wanting to go home.
“I would just like your express consent before allowing you to put yourself in danger, my apologies if this has been a painful conversation for you.”
“Yes.”
“Very well. Feel free to stay in the mansion as long as you’d like. Do be aware that even if you are not marked, walking in larger groups will still draw in the attention of spirits. I’m sure Lord Yashiki will appreciate your aid and company.”
That last bit made Mashita collapse a little on himself. Like hell anyone can really enjoy his company, but go on, doll. It caused him to smile and chuckle slightly, and he headed to go back to his room before realizing something else, and turned back to Mary.
“By the way, no word of this to Yashiki, you hear me? We didn’t have this conversation. You asked me to stay.”
“I do not like the idea of lying to Lord Yashiki about that.”
“Well then, just stay quiet instead. You’re not lying if you don’t say anything.” He scoffed. “I can do this myself.”
Mashita hastened his pace, feeling her eyes burn on his back.
It was well past morning, but enough time for a regular adult man to have rested. The curtains were drawn open, and the sunlight rolled in gently. The room felt hazy, until he heard a bored, flat-toned voice ring into the room. It took a couple of times until it became comprehensible.
“Wake up, you bum. Do you seriously plan on sleeping the whole day?”
“Mashita…? What are you…” Yashiki put his glasses on and saw the man standing by the door frame, as nonchalantly as ever.
“Get off your ass. I got you something to eat.”
“But Mary said-“
“I wouldn’t be here without her permission. She was really worried about you. Guess I’m stuck on babysitting duty.”
They exchanged fleeting looks and averted their eyes, not really able to reach each other again, to put out their thoughts and feelings in a way that the other could grasp. More frustrated over that obscurity than happy that the moment wasn’t yet over.
But Yashiki smiled, laughing awkwardly.
He was still quite happy.