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Just as families gather to read stories of far off lands or great adventures, the Tachibana family would gather together to read about the great soulmates of the past. These gatherings were some of Makoto’s favorite early memories. Stories of one soul shared by two people. Joined hearts perfectly aligned. Fated loved blessed by destiny. He was promised all of these each night at his parents read to him. One of his earliest memories was of his mother reading carefully from such a book only to pause when his father took her hand and pressed his lips upon her knuckles. The bloom of warmth Makoto felt then confirmed to him that his parents were soulmates just like in the stories.
So when Makoto decided he had found his own soulmate at the age of seven, he knew he had to share.
“Haru-chan, I think I found my soulmate,” he said seriously, having decidedly stopped his work on the sand castle they were building.
Haruka paused as well, curious by the sudden shift in Makoto’s tone. He rested back on his heels, an immaculate sand castle standing before him. When their eyes met, Makoto felt a small twist in his stomach. Wiping some of the sand off his suddenly sweating palms, he pushed himself to continue.
“You’ve found yours too, right?
After another extended look, Makoto felt an unexpected coldness wash over him as Haruka turned dismissively back to his sand castle.
“My mom told me there is no such thing as soulmates. I don’t have one.”
“Oh... Okay,” Makoto replied instantly though his mind was a whirlwind of confusion.
How could Haruka not have a soulmate if he was Makoto’s?
--
At age thirteen, Makoto tried again. Though they were no longer children playing in a sandbox, their friendship had only grown stronger as life began to test them. They went to school together. Joined a swim club together. Said goodbye to friends together. They were inseparable. There was hardly a thing Makoto didn’t know about Haruka.
The bite of winter had begun to sting their noses, and he offered Haruka his scarf as they walked home from school. At first it was refused with a jerk of Haruka’s head, but then was reluctantly accepted as a particularly cruel wind blew through them.
Last night, Makoto’s parents had given him the “talk”. It was something he had heard whispered about at school for years, but his own experience had not been nearly as embarrassing as he thought it would be. What was so embarrassing about soulmates? Now he finally knew how to identify who his soulmate was. His father had detailed step by step how he had found his soulmate. And his mother confirmed each statement with that special twinkle in her eye.
As Makoto lay in bed afterward, their words engulfed his mind. All those feelings. All that trust. All that inevitability. He felt it all for Haruka.
So now as they walked along the coastline where the gray winter sea swelled and Haruka was tucking his nose further into the scarf as that stubborn wind continued to blow, Makoto surged forward to grasp Haruka’s wind-chapped hand.
Haruka whirled around as he was abruptly ensnared. White clouds of breath escaped them both until Makoto finally spoke.
“You’re my soulmate, Haru!”
His grip on Haru’s hand trembled, his fingers boneless. Haruka’s fingers where like icycles pressed upon his palms.
And then Haruka pulled away and continued his walk along the concrete border between the shops and sea.
“Haru!” Makoto gasped, legs like jelly as he struggled to catch up.
Haruka’s shoulder cut deftly through the air as he turned back towards his friend. His fierce blue eyes stunned Makoto into stillness.
“We can’t be soulmates, Makoto. That's not how this works.”
“But Haru, I lo-”
“I have to get home. My mom needs me.”
Haruka turned to face forward and wordlessly increased the distance between them.
Makoto stood frozen as he watched Haruka continue his walk home alone. This had never happened in all the stories and in all those glances his parents’ shared. This only happened to people who were wrong. Who were selfish. Who had forced someone to be a soulmate that they were not. Makoto had been wrong.
Haruka was not his soulmate.
--
It was obvious to see who Haruka’s soulmate was. The clarity of the thought did little to lift Makoto’s damp mood. It was late, but the summer evening sun was reluctant to relinquish its hold on the day. Its golden light dyed the school’s pool into a sea of glowing embers. The spectacle went unnoticed as its occupants surged forward against each other.
Haruka and Rin had chosen to face the world together by swimming at the national level and would challenge any boundary that might be placed in their way. Makoto pulled his knees tight against his chest as he continued to watch them. His swim leggings pinched his skin, and he knew he ought to just wash up and head home. But he just could not bring himself to leave. The two finished their race, hands joined for a celebratory high-five. Rin pressed for a rematch, and Haruka was on the diving block before he could finish his sentence.
The draw between those two had been near magnetic since Rin had returned from Australia. The darkness that had nearly drowned Haruka since Rin’s abrupt departure all those years ago seemed to fade each day they continued to swim together. No amount of support or acceptance Makoto so affectionately offered ever earned him the fire that seemed to consume Haruka when he was with Rin. It seemed Makoto could only be the “childhood friend”.
And in all of this, Makoto could not find it within himself to even be upset. He knew what soulmates were. He knew that Rin must complete Haruka in a way Makoto could never attempt to do. He knew that being with your soulmate was the greatest bliss a person could achieve in this life. And seeing how happy Haruka was with Rin gave Makoto a bitter sense of happiness too.
Haruka was not his soulmate. Perhaps this was the time that Makoto could fully accept that. Finally break free of this burden that has haunted his heart since childhood.
It was time that Makoto truly let Haruka go. With university just around the corner, he needed to focus his attention on finding his own soulmate
--
Sousuke was a really nice guy. Having spent three years together at the same university and in the same major, it was inevitable that their high school acquaintance grew into true friendship. The relationship solidified as they both could only watch from home as their best friends stood proudly now on the international stage.
Now was such a time and it hung heavy upon them. Makoto’s laptop glowed blue upon the small table. On its cracked screen, the latest tournament was streaming live. Rin and Haruka were pressed together in an embrace. They both had just qualified for the Olympics. It was not very late, but Sousuke was passed out on the floor next to him. The scene wasn’t unusual. They often would watch the races at Makoto’s apartment, and Sousuke would inevitably fall asleep as his early morning part-time job left him unceasingly exhausted.
Makoto watched his friend sleep. He measured the space of time between each breath. Let a small smile sweeten his features as the occasional snore disrupted the stillness of the moment. A flash from the screen drew his attention again. Rin and Haru were walking towards the winners’ podium. Makoto gave Sousuke a soft nudge with his leg. A small grunt and a cough, and Sousuke was awake again.
“They won,” Makoto said quietly as he watched Sousuke sit up and attempt to rub the sleep from his eyes.
“Damn,” Sousuke hissed as he stretched his arms upwards in an attempt to fully wake himself. “I will have to watch the recording when they post it tomorrow.”
It was something Sousuke always said. Makoto knew that despite the lowered timbre of his voice, he was not as disappointed as he sounded. Sousuke squinted at the screen. Haruka and Rin were accepting flowers as the interviewer continued to press them with the usual questions. With a heavy hand, Sousuke reached forward and closed the laptop. The room was engulfed by the night.
“Sousuke?” Makoto found himself saying.
Sousuke hummed his acknowledgment, hands trying to find his phone that he had left plugged in on the opposite wall.
“Do you believe in soulmates?”
Sousuke paused in his search before settling back down next to Makoto.
“I don’t know,” he said with a surprising amount of surety. “Do you?”
Makoto shrugged with a soft sigh.
“I thought I did.”
Sousuke hummed again before speaking.
“I once thought I had a soulmate. Was convinced for years. Now it's just another pain.”
“Did you ever tell him?” Makoto asked instantly, a certain figure clear in his mind.
“No. I didn’t want to worry him like that,” Sousuke confessed before releasing another long breath.“You know how Rin can be,” he continued softy.
“Yeah, I can see that,” Makoto affirmed unsurprised by the revelation.
“And what about you and Haru?”
Makoto offered a sad smile that he knew Sousuke could not see through the darkness.
“You know how it really it.”
Sousuke followed Makoto’s shift in tone, eyes intent on the slow blink of Makoto’s laptop power button.
“Have you ever tried looking for someone else?”
Sousuke’s voice confirmed Makoto’s suspicions.
And in the dark of night with the loves of their lives celebrating a fresh victory, Makoto and Sousuke shared a kiss.
--
After graduation, Sousuke pursued a Master’s degree in sports medicine at a university in Kyoto. Makoto’s mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer the week before finals. After enduring a week of hell, Makoto decided he needed to be home with his family as his mother began chemotherapy. The day after graduation, he and Sousuke shared a simple goodbye and then they parted ways.
Those long nights spent together had not harbored love but rather consolation. Saying goodbye was painless. The fact confirmed to them both that they were not soulmates. As he left Tokyo behind, Makoto felt a small flame of gratitude warm his heart in place of the hollowness that had settled there.
Makoto decided that returning home suited him. The Iwatobi summer rolled slowly by with its familiar heat and relentless light. His mother’s prognosis was favorable, and taking on a job at the swim club seemed to be the natural path for Makoto to take. Some part of him always seemed to know that this was where he would end up again. The year continued its ambling way, and as winter blew by Makoto liked to think he could be content like this.
A bang on the door one night disrupted that peace. The world seemed to stop as the open door revealed a breathless Haruka waiting for him.
He barely could call out an excuse before Haruka dragged him outside. Spring was just beginning to waken the earth, the plum tree in front of the Tachibana home prickled with fast growing buds.
“Haru! What are you doing here? Didn’t you have a press tour?”
Haruka refused to answer, tugging persistently on Makoto’s arm until he more willingly followed. They rushed down the familiar path down the hill, the buildings a blur of motion.
Haruka brought him to the coastline, the horizon of their childhood slowly being dyed by the setting sun. Finally letting him go, Haruka turned away leaving Makoto in his shadow.
“Why did you stop?”
“What?” breathless, Makoto managed to gasp his reply after a moment.
“You stopped texting. You stopped calling. You stopped being there. Why?!”
Anger curled Haruka’s voice. The sweat that had accumulated upon Makoto’s brow felt suddenly cold. He folded his arms in front of himself to battle the chill.
“I thought it was time.”
“Time for what?” was Haruka’s cutting demand.
“To let you go,” Makoto relinquished.
It was true. Ever since that night with Sousuke, Makoto finally felt himself being able to let go. To stop watching. Caring. Hurting. Being alone couldn’t be too terrible.
Haruka turned back. The sun bestowed him a halo with its last rays.
“Are you still in love me?”
Makoto met Haruka’s eyes automatically. They shone bright and piercing. Above all, they were warm. It was the same look which had been gifted to him throughout his entire life. On playgrounds in primary school to poolside confessionals at twilight. A look that he only now realised had been increasingly absent in recent years. That was all that it took to break Makoto’s resolve.
“Yes. I always have been.” A tear rolled down his cheek as the truth tore him in two.
“Why couldn’t you wait?” Haruka whispered before stepping forward and embracing him.
Stunned, Makoto could do nothing but feel his tears betray him and an additional wetness began to drench the shoulder Haruka was pressed against.
His hands rose on their own, and soon he was holding Haruka with a death grip. His jaw ached with the sudden release of pressure and finally he let himself feel again.
“How can you ask me to do that, Haru? All these years you knew and did nothing. You know we aren’t soulmates. You know this can’t work.”
And as soon as that last syllable escaped him, Makoto was flung back. Haruka’s palms were bruising upon his biceps. His blue eyes like fire now.
“Stop with the soulmates, Makoto!”
“But, Haru--”
“I don’t want a soulmate. I want you! I want you as you have always been. Kind, caring, selfless you! You’ve talked about soulmates for as long as I can remember. But you could never see what was in front of you. What good is a soulmate who is bound to you by fate? Why have someone to complete you when you are perfect as you are. I don’t believe in soulmates, but I will try my best to be yours if that is what it takes for us to be together. Makoto, this isn’t fate. This is me telling you that I love you! That I choose you!”
“B-But Haru! What about Rin? All that time with Rin?!” Makoto near shouted, trembling now within Haruka’s grasp until it was released and he was allowed a step back.
“All this time, you thought…” Haruka whispered as he openly gaped.
The look of utter confusion that contorted Haruka’s features was mirrored by Makoto until it clicked into place. Exasperation colored Haruka’s voice as he was prompted to explain.
“Rin just moved in with Sousuke last month. They’ve been dating since the fall. I saw them two days ago when Sousuke told me just how long you’ve been a mess.”
“Mess? I haven’t been…,” Makoto attempted before being struck by another thought. “If you’ve felt this way, then why didn’t you ever do anything? Why did you leave me feeling like an idiot for so long! Why did you always choose Rin!?”
Haruka took a step back, letting out an extended breath before he answered. “I never chose Rin. We just chose similar paths.” Haruka took another breath and with closed eyes continued. “I wasn’t good enough. I’m still not good enough. I thought maybe by experiencing the world, I could someday offer you something better than a soulmate. Be someone you could rely on and be supported by just like you have always done for me. I wanted to be your equal. But all I’ve done is hurt you.”
“Haru…” Makoto stepped forward then and took Haruka’s face between his hands. Those blue eyes that simultaneously tortured and soothed him opened and shone glistening back at him. “You have always been enough. I have loved everything about you for as long as I can remember. You may be not be perfect, but I know who you are. I know what you are capable of, and am so proud to see how far you have come. But more than that, to have you for my own.… I have always dreamed of you wanting me as much as I have wanted you. The idea that maybe we can finally be together. Can we have that?”
The smile the Haruka gave him filled Makoto’s entire being.
“You don’t have to be my soulmate, Haru-chan. But maybe just being us could be great too.”
Haruka pressed his face more firmly into Makoto’s palm as he replied, “I don’t care what you call it, as long as we try it together.”
And so they agreed, sealing their promise with perhaps not one the greatest of kisses in the history of love. But it was perfect enough for them.
