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Bakugou doesn't love; he doesn't show affection because he doesn't have any to show. Right? That's what everyone knew, especially Midoriya, he knew it better than anyone. Still, everyone was subjected to change.
"We've changed a lot, haven't we?"
The question wasn't surprising, Midoriya himself had just been thinking it. They sat outside on the rooftop, the stars overhead shining down on them, and gazed out at the grounds of U.A.
He nodded in agreement. "It's to be expected. I'd safely bet all of us have changed at least a little by now."
"I meant us - just us."
Just them?
Midoriya turned his head towards the other teen, his gaze inquiring the statement with a confused head tilt. Bakugou must have felt the eyes on him as he now mimicked Midoriya's position.
"C'mon, nerd," Bakugou rolled his eyes, "use that head of yours and stop givin' me that look. If someone had told you a year ago that you would be sitting on a rooftop with me, would you have believed them?" his voice was cold; unreadable.
Would he? A year ago, he thought anything could happen after the events they had been through. That was the thing - they had been through so much together, how could he not have believed they would eventually be something other than whatever they were? What he hoped they would become was more than this, more than what they were now. But a friend is the one thing he had always hoped to be with Bakugou, and he was a very hopeful person. So if he had to choose, he'd be perfectly fine with what they had now.
"Yes," he shifted his gaze back towards the grounds, "I would have." he hoped his voice was stable enough, but he could feel it start to falter.
He didn't see Bakugou's reaction, but he heard the sigh that left his lips. "I would have told them they were fucking dumb to think something like that."
Of course he would have, Midoriya expected nothing less.
Then came a question he hadn't expected to hear, and it held him in surprise constrictingly.
"When did you start thinking we could be friends again?"
"What?" Midoriya looked back at the other to see he had turned away, half of his face shadowed by what little light was available. He never realized just how beautiful his rival was, not until he couldn't see anything else.
"You had to have thought at one point that we would be friends again. You have a knack for knowing things after all. So, when was it?" The question was blank; not a trick and one with no wrong answers.
"About a year ago." That wasn't true. Midoriya always thought - okay, maybe hoped was the right word - that they would eventually be friends again. Ever since they had stopped in the first place.
A grunt was given in return.
Silence fell between them, and Midoriya turned his head back to the stars, who winked back at him, as he let out a breath and watched it cloud up in front of his face.
Situations like this weren't common, but they were very extremely appreciated. It was a comfortable silence that didn't need to be filled; one that spoke without words. He couldn't help but think however that something was wrong. Well, not wrong necessarily, maybe off? Off seemed like a better way to put it; the air around them felt off, it felt different.
Why was Bakugou bringing this up now? Midoriya thought they were past questioning their renewed friendship, so maybe now he's starting to regret it?
"What... what about you?" he had been dying to ask the question in return, albeit a bit nervously.
"Never. Not once did I think about being friends with you."
Ah, right. He wouldn't have, and Midoriya felt silly for asking. "Right," he chuckled softly, "sorry."
"Because I gave up that idea the minute you walked into class. Into U.A.'s hero course."
Something cold flashed through Midoriya's chest and he couldn't bring himself to look away from the sky. "Why?" he whispered.
He could hear the shuffling sound of his friends clothes. "I knew I didn't deserve it." And finally more emotion had started slipping into his words.
"I thought," Bakugou laughed, rough and hard; uncharacteristically, "that if you didn't get in, I wouldn't have anything to rethink. I would have been right and there wouldn't have been any reason for me to apologize."
Apologize?
"I never did, did I? Apologize."
Midoriya closed his eyes when the pressure behind them became too much. He started to shake a little.
"I didn't apologize for a few reasons. One, I'm shit at feelings, " Midoriya laughed at that and muttered a 'Yeah, you are' in agreement, which in turn made Bakugou chuckle, "yeah, shut up. And two, I knew you would have forgave me in a second."
"I would have-"
"And I didn't deserve it."
Midoriya's eyes shot open.
Bakugou turned his body to face Midoriya completely. "Look at me, Deku."
He couldn't say no. He turned to mirror the short tempered individual, but couldn't meet his eyes.
Bakugou sighed. "I'm sorry, for everything. I know that means about zero shits, but I'm saying it now and I'm only gonna say it once, so you better fucking listen." he took a deep breath. "Look me in the eye and tell me I deserve even a fraction of your forgiveness. Even you know the correct answer."
Midoriya leaned forward as well, his own eyes finally locking onto the adjacent vivid red orbs. "You deserve my forgiveness."
"No, I don't -"
He grabbed ahold of Bakugou's face, trying to show him how deeply he meant his words. "You have changed. It doesn't matter if you didn't deserve it a year or more ago, because you aren't the same person now."
Bakugou's right eye twitched, and for a second Midoriya thought maybe he shouldn't have touched him, that he was being too invasive and should back off, and then a tear ran from that eye.
Midoriya let go of Bakugou's face like he had been scalded. Bakugou didn't bither to wipe it away, and his stare was unnerving. "I always knew that you were gonna end up with some girl who was beautiful and a lot nicer than me." The confession shocked Midoriya back even more, his hands fully retreating to the safety of his lap.
Whoa, what? Where was this conversation going? He knew where he wanted it to go, but surely it wouldn't.
"But you never did. Round face practically threw herself at you every chance she got, and I wondered why you never got with her. I hoped it was because you-" he stopped talking, setting his jaw hard in place as his face fell to point at his lap. There were so many things happening, and Midoriya wasn't sure which one scared him the most. If he had to choose, probably the fact that Bakugou was basically crying in front of him. Bakugou Katsuki, crying not only in front of Midoriya Deku Izuku, but because of him? Suddenly the situation felt raw; private. Like Midoriya should turn his head, cover his ears and close his eyes.
He swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "Because I?" it was risky to ask for clarification, he figured, but he had to know. He had to hear it with his own ears. The thing he had hoped Bakugou would say for years now, he needed to hear it. His heart beat furiously against his rib cage as it tried to break free and reach out to touch the person it desired, because he's right there and practically showing Midoriya how he felt, but he just had to hear it first.
He raised his head again. "Because you were stupid enough to want me as much as I wanted you." Their eyes met for the second time that night, and Midoriya was floating on air.
Hold him
Tell him what you need to say, what he needs to hear.
"But I knew that I'd have to watch you walk away, and that you would never feel anything I felt."
Midoriya shook his head, "You're wrong."
It was intense; he could feel something click into place. He could feel that finally an unspoken question had been answered between them.
"Because I have never loved anyone as much as I love you." Midoriya whispered, in an awe sort of way.
He closed the remaining space between them in a matter of seconds.
When their lips connected, it was a perfect example of their relationship throughout the years. Loud and explosive; raw and unkempt. They disconnected with tears smeared against their cheeks, then Midoriya leaned his forehead against Bakugou's and laughed.
"We really have changed, haven't we?"
Bakugou reached out and wrapped his arms around Midoriya, pulling him into a tight and warm hug.
"Shut up, nerd."