Chapter Text
Jackson had an important enough reason to be back, but he still felt uncomfortable. It was weird to be this familiar with his surroundings when he hadn't been here for four whole years. It seemed like everything of this country had itself burned into his memories and there was no way he could get rid of it.
He was alone. It had been hard enough to even decide to come back to South Korea and he thought he would feel the most comfortable when he wasn't with anyone else, but he questioned his decision the moment he stepped out of the plane. He wasn't feeling comfortable at all.
Flashbacks of past scenarios slipped into his mind and all he could see for a moment were a ton of people surrounding him, holding their smartphones up as if they were taking pictures or making videos and he could hear voices screaming names, often his, but a lot of times also six others.
He blinked a couple of times and all of it was gone. Just a memory, one of many, tucked away somewhere in the back of his mind. He didn't like thinking about the past. It made him feel sick to his stomach and there was this heavy feeling tugging at his heart that he couldn't describe or decipher.
He wasn't scared that someone would recognize him but he was still wearing a mask and a cap that almost covered all of his eyes. It was a habit that he had kept as he had left South Korea all this years ago and he refused to break it.
So as he was walking through the different halls to get out of the airport, some of the people looked at him curiously but he didn't mind them. They would just think that he was someone who tried to hop on the fashion-train of celebrities even so he wasn't one. Not anymore. He didn't even look like one anymore. His hair was back to his natural colour, his clothes weren't fancy or expensive, just average, and his face was free of any make up. Except of the mask and the cap, he looked just like everyone else, he wasn't anything special anymore.
At least not on the outside. But his insides were extraordinary.
His heart was still as big as it used to be and his personality was still as bright as it always had been. But he was not as loud anymore. He calmed down over the years and some might even say that he was a different person now, but that wasn't true. He just learned whom he can trust and around whom he can be just himself. And there weren't many people around him anymore with whom he was still feeling just that. And six of the few he was still feeling comfortable enough with to let his guards down, were out of his reach, pushed away by himself.
He had a lot of stuff to carry around with him. He wasn't here on a vacation after all. He couldn't decide yet if it was a misfortune or a bliss that the Olympic games just had to take place in South Korea this time and that he was just now ready and trained enough to participate in them.
No one except his family knew that he had started fencing again and he practically vanished from the earth's surface four years ago. No one knew where he was or where he even went first of all and he trained isolated from the public. He didn't participate in any competitions in all this years and he didn't leave Hong Kong once. It was a pretty lonely and unilateral life.
But now he was here and he was excited to be back but still anxious. He couldn't stop his heart from pounding fast in his chest. His hands were shaking and sweating as the exit finally came in sight and someone accidentally bumped into him. The middle-aged man seemed to be in a hurry and just quickly said his apologies, didn't even think of picking up the things that had fallen to the ground, and hurried away.
Jackson kneeled down to pick up some pieces of paper that fell out of one of his bags, as suddenly some girls were shrieking. He turned around to see what was happening. His blood ran cold and he turned back around, quickly picking up his things and fencing swords and standing back up again.
Six young men he just knew too well were coming right in his direction, heading for the exit as well, and he quickly took a few steps to the side and turned his face away, even though no one could technically recognize him while his features were still hidden behind a mask and a cap.
There were still loud voices around him even after a few moments and as he turned his head, he saw that the six of them had stopped in their walk to give some fans an autograph. They were standing merely five metres away and he let his eyes linger on them a moment longer.
They hadn't changed much. Not on the outside at least. Their hair was still colorful and their clothes still fashionable. They looked perfect just like they always had and you couldn't really see that they had aged in the past few years. Sure, they looked more mature, especially Yugyeom and Bambam, but apart from that, they still seemed to be the same persons.
Jackson just stared at them for some time, trying to burn their images into his memories and maybe they noticed his lingering stare because suddenly Bambam turned around and looked him straight in the eyes. He was never more happy to wear a face mask and turned his face away.
He wanted to wait for them to walk away actually, but he couldn't help himself when he quickly grabbed his stuff, struggled for a moment to keep all his belongings in balance to not accidentally drop anything again, and quickly made his way out of the airport. In a matter of minutes, he sat in one of the cabs outside and the driver started the car to bring him to his required destination.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Bambam was tired, to say that at least. Just like the rest of them as they piled out of the plane with all the other people.
They had gone to the US a week ago for some concerts and a bit of freetime and they had spent the latter either at Mark's house or at the beach. Their skin was accordingly sun kissed.
It was a Wednesday morning, they didn't expect any of their fans waiting for them, but as they were walking out of the security check and into the main airport, some girls were there. They politely said their greetings and quickly walked past them in the direction of the exit. The girls followed them at a respectful distance and some more joined them as the six boys were near the exit. The newly joined ones made some screeching noises and they stopped in their walk to give the few of them an autograph.
Bambam didn't notice it at first but as he was writing his signature in a small notebook, he felt a lingering gaze at the back of his head, just like if someone not that far away would constantly stare at him.
He turned around, after he gave one of the girls the notebook back, and stared straight into the eyes of a young man. Bambam couldn't believe his eyes. The young man's stature and his face, even though it was hidden behind a mask, were so familiar and just like Jackson's that his breath catched in his throat.
The young man immediatly noticed that Bambam stared back at him and quickly grabbed his things and walked away, out of the airport. Bambam would have run after him if he hadn't still stood right in front of some of their fans.
That couldn't be a coincidence. Jackson's looks weren't average and Bambam was sure that he could recognize him even a few hundred metres away.
As they finally said their goodbyes to the girls, he quickly walked ahead of the others and looked around when he finally stood outside.
“Is everything alright, Bam?“, Jaebum asked ones he and the others were standing next to their second youngest.
Bambam frowned. “Yes... It's just... I know, that might sound crazy, but I'm pretty sure I just saw Jackson-hyung.“
Jaebum froze. That wasn't possible. “I think you just mistook someone else for him.“, he simply said and turned his attention towards the black van that just then drove up in front of them.
“Maybe you're right...“, Bambam mumbled, more to himself than to his hyung.
They got into the van one after another and their manager greeted them, before he took them home.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Jackson could still feel Bambam's eyes burning holes into the back of his head, even when he was already in his hotel room. He felt like some creepy stalker. He had stared at them like a maniac. And he was pretty sure that Bambam had recognized him.
He was so stupid. He had promised himself beforehand that he would avoid any situations or actions that would cause a lot of attention what in turn would mean that there was a possible chance for his ex-members to find out that he was back in South Korea. Just him participating at the Olympic games would be furor enough. His name was still well-known, anyone who knew Got7 a bit better knew that he once was a member of said idol group. He knew that his identity would be discovered sooner or later, but he wasn't willing to risk his hidden being until then.
He sighed, slumped down onto the bed and just stared at the ceiling for a moment. It was already dark outside and all he had done since this morning was laze around in his hotel room. He didn't want to go outside, he feared he could meet anybody who might could recognize him. Besides that, he needed the rest. The Olympic games would start on Saturday and he intended to train the next few days. This way he could keep himself too busy to think of anything else than fencing.
That tactic had functioned perfectly the last few years and he was sure that it would work another time. He really hasn't thought that much during the days about his past. Only when he couldn't sleep at night, and that had happened often, did he think about the six boys that he just couldn't forget however much he tried. Especially one out of the six had haunted his thoughts, already when he was still in Seoul. And he was also the reason he had left.
Or more, she was the reason he had left. The girl that had the honor to hold Jaebum's heart in her hands.
He knew that he hadn't had a chance that Jaebum could return his feelings and he accepted that. But it still hurt nevertheless. It hurt to see him everyday and not be able to touch him in more than a friendly way. He wanted to kiss him, hold him, just be with him. But he was content as long as he could stay right beside him. And then she happened.
It was suddenly and no one expected it. No one had even known her or seen her before and Jaebum didn't want to tell them how they had met.
From that day on, their leader began to change. He neglected the group, showed up too late to meetings and just wasn't himself. Nothing besides his girlfriend seemed to matter anymore and it didn't only hurt Jackson, it hurt the others too. Jaebum always had been the one who had put the group before anything and anyone else.
After some time, Jackson just couldn't take it anymore. She was almost always with them. At practice, at events, she even seemed to practically live in their dorm at some point. But the problem was he couldn't hate her. She was cute and nice and gentle and she seemed to make Jaebum happy. That was all that mattered and so Jackson just left one day, without even saying goodbye or apologizing for leaving so suddenly. He didn't know how. He only knew that he wouldn't leave anymore the moment he would see the faces of his members.
Of course they tried to reach out to him but he blocked every attempt they made. He deleted their contacts, changed his number and told everyone who knew where he was and who they could possibly try to contact that they shouldn't reveal his whereabouts. After some time their attempts became less, until they finally died down completely.
And here he was now. In a second-rate hotel in the middle of Seoul, about to participate at the Olympic games and not sure if he even wanted to be here. Sure, he was happy to be back. Seoul was his second home and he could do one of the things he loved. Fencing. But he didn't think that he was ready to face the others. And that would probably happen, at the latest when it would get known that he was here and that not as an idol but as an athlete. The news would spread like a wildfire.
But there was still also the possibility that the other six boys never wanted to see him again and it didn't matter at all if he was ready or not to face them. Maybe he had killed their careers or they got all the blame for his disappearance even though they weren't at fault. He wouldn't know because he purposely didn't follow their career after he left. He couldn't bear that.
He sighed again and rolled onto his side to face the windows. The hotel was very high and he was on one of the top floors thus he had a perfect view over Seoul, even while he was laying on the bed.
He turned the lights off after some time and crawled under the bedsheets, still facing the windows and the skyline of Seoul.
And while he was looking at the night sky and the lights of the city, he slowly drifted off to sleep, the faces of six boys, one in particular, still in his head.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Bambam was more awake than ever. His body was exhausted but his mind was running in circles. He was restless ever since the incident this morning. He couldn't believe that it should have been just a coincidence that the man had looked just like Jackson, so he searched the internet for any evidence. But it was really like Jackson had just vanished from the earth's surface four years ago. Not even one of their fans had caught a glimpse of him.
He sighed and leaned against the cushions of their couch. He didn't know what to do. He was almost one hundred percent sure that he had seen Jackson this morning. And if he was right, someone would see him someday, be it one of them, one of their idol friends or one of their fans. He couldn't hide forever and Bambam really wasn't sure how he would react if it turned out that Jackson really was back.
He held some kind of grudge against him for leaving them. But he also missed him very much. All of them missed him. Jackson always had been their happy-pill, their daily dose of sunshine even when it rained. He was the moodmaker, the always happy one, the one they would go to when they needed someone to talk. He left a hole in their midst and in their hearts as he suddenly vanished four years ago without an explanation.
Bambam slightly startled as the others piled into the living room one after another and he couldn't shut his laptop in time to hide what he was doing. Jinyoung raised an eyebrow when he saw what their second youngest had searched for.
“I thought we left the phase where we searched everywhere for Jackson behind us a long time ago.“, he commented and sat down beside Bambam.
“I still think that I saw him at the airport this morning. I just wanted to make sure that there aren't any new hints. We haven't searched for it in a long time.“
Bambam shut his laptop and stood up. The others eyed him skeptically.
“I know you don't believe me.“, he said as he was slowly walking towards his and Yugyeom's shared bedroom. “But it was four years ago that he had left and there's a possible chance that he's back in Seoul. For whatever reason.“
“He does have a point.“, Mark said once their second youngest was out of earshot.
“He was the only one who had seen that guy that should have been Jackson.“, Jinyoung commented. “I think he just mistook him. Why should Jackson be back after all this time?“
“I don't know. Bambam misses him. We all do.“, Jaebum spoke up from where he was sitting on the end of the couch, eyes never leaving the turned on TV. Mark and Jinyoung exchanged a quick glance but answered nothing.
Bambam came back in his pyjamas five minutes later and they watched TV in mutual silence until they fell asleep on the couch, snuggled together.