Chapter Text
Your name is Cronus Ampora, and you are going to be late.
Today was supposed to be the big meeting. Kankri was gathering everyone together to talk about something to do with some plan Meenah had, that will no doubt contain something about triggers. You vaguely wonder for a brief moment what everyone is going to say about all of this.
You then dismiss the thought almost as soon as it came, when you remember that Kankri will be leading the meeting, and that no one else is going to be ABLE to say anything.
Speaking of Kankri, you and him have been Matesprits for a while now. Well, actually, you don't really know how long it's been. It's kinda hard to tell a sweep apart from an hour in the dream bubbles.
It didn't really feel like that long, though, not with him.
Kankri had always been very talkative, and he rarely ever let anyone else get a word in. When he did though, he listened intently and came up with a whole lot of reasons why he either supported that person's opinion, or was against it. Let's just say that you wouldn't want to be on the receiving end if he didn't agree with you.
You still remember how you two started.
You had been asking Kankri out every chance you got, but only when it was the two of you. He would be preaching something about slurs and hemophobia to you, and then you'd try to make a move, or you'd purposely seek him out and ask him.
You'd always leave him some way to escape, just because you liked the chase.
One day though, you just couldn't take it anymore. You looked everywhere, until you finally found him. He was talking to his dancestor, who looked bored out of his skull. Poor kid, never even knew what hit him.
As soon as you found Kankri, you dragged him away from his dancestor (you think his name is something like Karkat, but it's really hard to tell when everyone who knows him calls him something different), who pretty much booked it out of there as soon as possible.
You pulled Kankri along, without saying a word, until you got to a private place. Once there, you pushed him up against a wall, pressing into him slightly. There was no way he was getting out of this. Kankri had shifted uncomfortably, trying to escape, but he was trapped.
Only now do you realize that this was probably the worst thing you could have done.
"Cronus, if you could please unhand me, and take a few steps back so that you are at a comfortable distance, I would very much appreciate it. Also, a better alternative to your current actions would have been to simply approach me where I was. You really went out of your way just to speak with me alone. If you wanted privacy, I could have sent Karkat away, as we can always continue our sessions at a later date. He may have been a might disappointed, but if the topic that you wish to discuss with me is of such importance that you needed this privacy, I'm sure that Karkat would have understood," Kankri had said, looking regretful. "I should return to him, in order to give him guidance on what he should do at this moment to keep himself occupied. The fact that you took me away so suddenly was probably very triggering to him. Leaving as suddenly as I did, Karkat could be left with feelings of abandonment, hurt, fear, confusion, or any other amount of unpleasant triggering emotions. This is why it upsets me so when others do not tag their triggers, as I sometimes fear that I may unnerve them, or that they could fall victim to-"
"Kankri," you had interrupted him.
"Yes? I am sorry, I appear to have told you some things that you probably did not care to listen to. I hope that was not triggering, as I know you don't care to 'beat around the bush', as it were. Please, do carry on with what you were going to tell me," he had continued.
"Just go out with me already, Kanny!", you had sighed, demanding.
Lately, you had been getting really annoyed by how much you were being rejected. People wouldn't even give you the time of night. You had already gotten used to it, to be honest, because your invitations don't actually work. When you started asking Kankri out, you just sorta thought he'd say 'yes'.
He's in the same boat as you, after all.
"We have been over this, Cronus, and I am sorry that I must inform you again, but I'm afraid that this will be the case for as long as you continue to ask me. Firstly, it would not be fair to you if I allowed you to court me, as I am afraid that I do not share your feelings of attraction. That would be rude and insensitive of me, and I do not wish to take advantage of any peer in this manner, or in general. Second of all, this newfound position would not stay private for long, as our friends enjoy immersing themselves in others' personal lives. I do not wish to be in a relationship that involves all of our friends, as well as ourselves, as intimate affairs such as this should not be broadcasted. Thirdly, if we courted, and our relationship ended, I am exceedingly sure that you would hold it against me, in order to force me to side with you if any sort of argument arose pertaining to you. Also, I would prefer if the use of said nickname was discontinued," Kankri had gone on.
"C'mon, Chief! Just gimme a chance! I promise I'll be good to you, and if we split, I won't make a big deal out of it. We can even stay as close as we are now, if you want. I won't try to blackmail you. I'll try my best to keep our relationship on the down low, too," you had drawled in your cool, gangster-like way.
Kankri had seemed to be considering.
"Besides, Kank, I don't believe for one second that you aren't at least a little attracted to me."
Kankri had made an indignant scoffing noise, and his face turned bright crimson. He continued to redden as you encroached deeper and deeper into his personal space.
"Be that as it may, the other two reasons still stand. Plus-"
"So you admit it! You do have a crush on me!"
"Well, to some extent, yes. I don't really know how I could have let such feelings surface, much less get in the way of the important ordeals that I face in the everyday."
"So, you got any more reasons that I can blow out of the water with my amazing logic skills?"
"You are ever the epitome of modesty, Cronus. That was a bit of your 'human sarcasm' by the way, and I hope that I did not offend you with it's use. As I was trying to say before, another reason as to why it would be a bad idea for us to date is for your... needs. I know for a fact that you choose the objects of your affections based on how much you want to sleep with them, how attractive they are, and how "easy" you think they are. While I am somewhat flattered that you chose me, I am afraid that I cannot partake in said aforementioned "activity", or anything closely related to it, as I have vowed celibacy. I do not feel that I require to entertain such needs myself, as they are more trivial, primal urges, rather than actual necessities. I am far above such desires. As well, being my matesprit would also imply that you would be by my side, at least some of the time. I do not believe that you would stay with me, especially including the former reason, as you do like to flirt with just about everyone and everything, living or dead."
"Hey, don't worry about that stuff! I'm not asking you to be my matesprit, or if I can pail you. All I want is one date, Kanny! And I could respect your vow, if our relationship were to... develop into something bigger. I'll go as slow as you want me to. Hell, we don't ever have to do it at all!", you had reasoned.
When he didn't say anything, you had continued, "See Kankri, you don't have to feel like you need to put out like that. We can take things slow, and I'll respect your boundaries. I'm pretty low-maintenance. And don't you even worry about my loyalty. I will be so loyal to you, and I won't just go off and try to hit on someone else behind your back. You can even go spy on me, if you want!"
You still remember the look on his face then.
He had looked utterly shocked, and a little terrified, too. The terror was partly from the fact that you were actually willing to commit to him, and also because you were way too far into his personal bubble, and getting closer every second.
"So, what do you say, Kank? You gonna finally give in and just go out with me already? If it doesn't work out, I'll leave you alone! Like I said, we don't have to make a big deal out of this," you had whispered in his ear.
"Well... I suppose... ONE date couldn't hurt. However, if you move too fast, or do anything that I am uncomfortable with, I can assure you that it will be our last date. I am not normally a risky person, Cronus, and-"
"And don't worry Chief! I'll be a safe bet! I'm sure you've heard a lot of terrible stuff about me, but I promise, those are all just dumb rumours. None of our friends have ever actually dated me, you're the first, so I'm gonna give you everything I have!", you had beamed, releasing him and bursting with excitement.
The next day, you two had gone on your first date.
It was in a private area of the dream bubble where most people didn't really go. You had been nice, gentle, polite, caring, and hadn't over-stepped any boundaries. Kankri was surprised by how much of a gentleman you were, and you were surprised by how shy he was.
By the end of the date, Kankri was actually, genuinely smiling, which is something that he never normally did.
You had insisted that you drop Kankri off at his "hive". He protested at first, but eventually just gave up and let you lead him. You wanted to finish off the date with a kiss on the lips, which was normally the custom for first dates, but you figured it would have been better if you took it slow with him.
It was his very first date, after all.
You were both standing on the doorstep of Kankri's hive when you kissed him, just lightly, on the cheek. Really, it was more of a soft glance of your lips against the side of his face, but you knew for a fact that he had never been kissed before.
You expected him to, at the very least, reject you, or say that he wanted you to leave. Worst-case-scenario, he would slap you, and tell everyone about what you had tried to do.
You never would have imagined -- not in your wildest dreams -- what he had done next.
Kankri had put his little, slender hands up to his cheek, right where your lips had touched, looking at you in shock. Then, he put his hands up in front of the bottom half of his face, and giggled into them like a young schoolgirl, blushing furiously.
It was probably the cutest thing you had ever seen in your entire life.
From then on, he was pretty much all that you thought about. Eventually, your dates became a regular occurrence, and the two of you would meet up in secret almost every day to hang out.
At the end, you would always kiss Kankri on the cheek. Every time.
He loved it. You could tell because you loved it, too. You would always shower him in affection, whether it was kind words and compliments, or some small form of physical contact. You always let him know that you really did pity him.
You remember -- after you two had been going on these dates for an extremely long amount of time -- that Kankri had invited you inside once.
You were a little nervous to enter his hive, even if it wasn't technically his real one. Only a handful of people had ever seen it. Kankri was always very careful with the people that he let into his life, but he made sure that no one actually saw the real side of him.
Needless to say, this was a huge advancement in your relationship.
You had stepped over the threshold, into a small, tidy living-room. There was one couch, a carpet beneath it, and a table in front of it. Many tall bookshelves lined the walls, but there didn't seem to be a television. If you didn't know who's hive you were in, you definitely would have guessed it was Kankri's. It just suited him.
"Damn, Kanny. You seriously read all of these books?", was the first thing that came out of your mouth.
He had simply looked away from you shyly, nodding once.
"That's amazing! You must be an even faster reader than Aranea, 'cause you have way more books than she does!"
"This isn't even an eighth of my collection," he had responded quietly.
You remember turning to see Kankri blushing and looking down at the floor. You remember him asking you- You had said 'yes', of course.
You also remember walking over to him, taking his face in your hands, and kissing him.
Well... you ALMOST kissed him.
Kankri had stopped you before you could bring yourself close enough to him. He had told you that he wasn't ready yet, that he was scared. You had just nuzzled your cheek against his, earning you a slight gasp.
Then, you had once again removed yourself from Kankri's personal bubble, taken his hand, and asked for the "grand tour" of his hive.
Over the course of your relationship, you've come to realize that you both mean so much to each other. You hadn't really figured it out, until you started to focus on the little things that the two of you do.
You make sure that Kankri knows that you pity him. Every single day, you tell him, whether you're at his door early in the morning, or hanging around either of your hives with him. You always make sure that he knows you'll be there.
In return, Kankri opens up to you.
He considers himself to be friends with everyone, but he doesn't trust any of them, not really, not anywhere near how he trusts you. You used to think he was even more stuck-up than you, until he let you in.
The first time you saw Kankri, without all of his big words and lectures, was on your first date, when he smiled, and laughed, and actually had fun for once.
You definitely like the real side of him best, instead of the one that everyone else sees.
Kankri also got you started with a ritual. Every night, after you see him, you kiss him goodbye. To this day, you still haven't fully kissed, but you're perfectly fine with that, as long as he is still yours.
What the hell are you doing? You don't have time for daydreaming, you have a meeting to get to!