Archive of Our Own

waking up in cold sweat isn’t something that taehyung does every night. he swears by it, he sure looks like the right kind of person who would be going through a mid-life crisis although he’s only at a quarter of what’s in stock for him—maybe even less than that. all he knows is that is his forehead feels heavy and that his hands are clammy and it’s the middle of ass o’ clock outside. he would really like to run right now, somehow it feels like all his insides are bursting with adrenaline and he wants to take it out somewhere. he wants to think it’s completely normal to wake up like this, with his mind floating to many, many places but his physical self, telling him to get up and run as fast as he can, as if it’s expecting some impending doom. are his endocrines okay?

the creaking fan above his head really helps him sleep, it’s his trusted sleep buddy because there is no sea sounds, lofi hip-hop music on his phone, he has very less storage on his phone for that—just an old fashioned touchscreen with minimal functions and taehyung pretends it’s okay to use the phone just to call at times and to text only to let people know that he’s fine even though the nutrition science degree is killing him, slowly but steadily. yoongi swears that he will be his interim sugar-daddy friend and buy him a decent phone with a good camera, given how much taehyung obsesses over getting the smallest details of a picture right with his dingy-ass camera on his dingy-ass phone, but taehyung politely declines. all the fucking time. so, the fan creaks. it makes that annoying but great fucking white noise that he really can’t compare to anything else, not even the coolest deep water whale sounds.

maybe, the fan isn’t his fan today.

why did he wake up in cold sweat in the first place? he had a weird dream about hanging out with spice girls in a luxury, ‘charlie’s angels’ kinda house with charlie not being a hidden voice, but bobby deol and they’re all taking turns to jump off the roof. it’s so fucking surprising he remembers all of it in vivid detail considering his biggest pet peeve—maintaining a dream journal. (a total side note—mel b looked so, so much older but she was so animatedly loud and funny at the same time? she kept calling him ‘baby spice’ and wanted to put makeup on him. just, maybe.) he woke up the moment they all jumped off the roof with a ragged jerk, his breaths coming up short and he regretting waking up a little early, because he wanted to see what happens to suicides in dreamscapes. he should probably check what jumping off the roof means on google in the morning, but for now, he wants to focus on going back to sleep again. in reality, his hands are shaking—begging him to do something and his mind just seems so distracted from the very thought of slumber.

the catch was that he wasn’t alone. due to aforementioned broke situations, he has a roommate, one that he hasn’t really gotten to know properly except for the fact that he’s obsessed with the cosmos and he has huge posters of space-themed stuff—nebulae? supernovae? maybe just celestial dust. the subject isn’t his expertise but his roommate seemed to know a shit-ton about it. the first time they met was directly when they had decided over text that he would be moving in within a week. (what, the guy seemed totally wise and non-shady over text and taehyung already knew he was a keeper.) the guy had come in with just a cardboard box in his hand, some rolled up posters in it and the daily essentials. taehyung remembers how surprised he was and just muttered a low, “what the fuck,” which was kinda audible to the new guy. he didn’t mind though.

two days later, taehyung decided that they were seeing each other enough to call him by his name. “namjoon?” he had called and the guy came walking to the living room in a very alarming pace like he was expecting it already. “finally,” he had said. taehyung breathed a sigh of relief and smiled slightly. “coffee is on the second shelf, spices on the left side, bowls are on the shelf under the stove. make yourself at home, i’m sorry if i’m being like, unwelcoming or something, this is just so new to me. but i want this to be a nice first shared house for you, so.” namjoon had just spread his mile-wide smile across his lips and taehyung remembers thinking how disgustingly adorable it was. the guy had fucking dimples, in his defense.

namjoon was a good, un-intruding roommate just like taehyung wanted. sometimes, they would run out of toilet paper and namjoon would always buy about four rolls of it, just to be safe. from what he knows, namjoon likes grocery shopping and likes buying totally unnecessary stuff like squirtle toothbrushes and bubblegum flavored toothpaste, but each to their own taste, he had thought. the next thing unsurprising thing that taehyung gets to know about him is that he’s an astrophysics major and that he works in a local bakery near his college to make his weekly money.

they’d watch some friends episodes together when they’re both not weirded out to talk to each other and namjoon makes some offhanded comments about how boneheaded ross really is and taehyung just vigorously nods, munching on his dinner. again, there was this one day when taehyung invited namjoon to his guitar showcase out of pure hesitance but finally, did. namjoon was the only one he knew there, not even yoongi showed up. surprising.

he knows such little about namjoon.

so, when taehyung really has his head swimming up in the clouds, he thinks about namjoon in the next room. is he sleeping? is he sleeping well? does the fan creaking help him sleep as much as it does for himself? does he want to get to know taehyung as much as he wants to get to know namjoon?

he ruffles around endlessly for his phone and when he finally finds it, the blue light blinds him and his eyes immediately shrink. he stares at the picture of jimin, jungkook and himself in night-suits at yeojin’s sleepover back in high school on his lockscreen a little longer instead of looking at the time. it’s 2:12 a.m. in bold letters. he tries to unhinge his brain and think a bit rationally—to call or not call jimin at ass o’ clock to go on a long, friendship, bonding drive and butter him up with a lot of ‘i miss you’s. (he really does though.) he swears by his heart that he knows that jimin will pick up but he’s not completely sure how he would react—jimin’s an angry, red gyarados at lake of rage if woken up from rem and he’s really scared. his finger hovers over jimin’s contact but in a split second decision, he just switches it off and sighs loudly.

in a split second decision, he pushes his legs off his bed, throwing the cozy comforter away and erecting himself up. he switches off the fan. he walks over straight to namjoon’s room. he’s tiptoeing but he really doesn’t know why—he wants namjoon to wake up and ask him what was up. there isn’t a huge distance between taehyung’s room and namjoon’s, yet he treads carefully. namjoon sleeps with his door open; taehyung doesn’t really comprehend how and why because we’ve all been told stories of monsters and giant crabs when we were younger, he just supposes namjoon was the biggest anomaly. taehyung slides into the open room and he realizes the fan in his room creaks too. namjoon doesn’t have a blanket but has a very fat pillow under his head and he has his arm wrapped tightly around another fluffy pillow, face buried into the warm cotton.

how does one wake up a namjoon sleeping so peacefully? he feels like an idiot for disturbing his quality alone time. nevertheless, taehyung decides to just sway him awake or something. or does light brushing work? violent, aggressive shaking? what kind of sleeper is namjoon? taehyung feels like he should know about this just because of the sole fact that he is his roommate—and he doesn’t. well, he is about to find out anyway, right now. he’s never seen namjoon get angry at any given situation and this would be a pretty bad time for that to happen, if it does. taehyung’s anxious.

namjoon’s feet look inviting to shake him awake and taehyung figures why not because every other part of the body looks too inappropriate to say the least—heck, the man is sleeping with no blanket, it’s only fitting if taehyung worries even a little. he tests the water a little by wiggling namjoon’s big toe, touching it barely by holding it between his thumb and index fingers and giving it a few tugs. he’s doing the barest minimum of waking someone up and taehyung already feels like it’s too much. namjoon doesn’t even shuffle. he’s probably gotta try a bit harder. taehyung decides he’s going to reach out for his calves next, his hand hesitant to touch the exposed skin there. nonetheless, he shivers to even shake him awake—he does it and namjoon mutters something incoherent and tastes something invisible, smacking his lips. taehyung clicks his tongue and does it a bit persistently until namjoon is shuffling, from sleeping on the right to the sleeping on the left.

taehyung feels pissed right now. is he ever going to get to know namjoon after this? he bites his tongue and gives a particularly hard pinch to his thigh, out of pure frustration and namjoon jolts awake with a shout.

“who the motherfucki—fuck. holy shit—” namjoon’s eyes are bloodshot, taehyung can say even in the minimal light of his room. he feels quite bad for waking him up like this, he throws an apologetic smile his way, just in case namjoon decides to move out or something. he finds him looking at taehyung in pure shock and surprise, his mouth wide open and one hand over his head, rubbing it to calm himself down. he can hear namjoon’s breaths from where he’s sitting and he really wants to offer namjoon a baseball bat and present himself for a big smack on the head for what he’s done. taehyung’s silhouette stands before namjoon and he just sighs so hard that he can sense the disappointment in the air.

“hi.” is all taehyung manages. namjoon checks his pulse.

“i—i’ve never heard you swearing. d-do you swear often?” taehyung asks after a pregnant pause.

“what?” namjoon chuckles sarcastically. “you came here at such an ungodly hour to ask me that?” taehyung wants to eat a slug for saying that.

“i’m, uh, sorry for waking you up. it was really stupid for me to do, i had a fucking impulse, shit. i’ll just go.” taehyung begins to leave, getting his ass up from his bed and even taking the first step but namjoon catches hold of his wrist. taehyung’s hair tingles.

“not so fast, mister. you can’t just come in here, wake me up from my beautiful sleep and just leave. w-what impulse did you have?” namjoon’s smiling so it has to be a good sign. right?

“it’s—” the fan is running above his head, it’s so distracting, the sound. “i feel like going on a road trip.” taehyung breathes with his eyes closed.

“like, now?” namjoon raises an eyebrow with a skeptical look. namjoon’s hand is still holding onto taehyung’s wrist and all that’s running on his mind right now is, ‘why, why, why is he holding my wrist?’. taehyung gives a sheepish smile, stretching from left to right and namjoon looks like he could be concerned.

“well, okay. i’ll take care of the house, you can go peacefully. don’t worry, taehyung.” taehyung starts laughing. namjoon looks confused.

“the thing is, i would really like it if you came with me too.” namjoon has plastic, glow in the dark stars stuck everywhere on the ceiling, it’s something he realizes when he looks up to the ceiling for behaving so annoyingly. namjoon honestly looks so out of the picture, he runs a hand through his hair and he’s grinning.

“why?”

“fair warning, might seem very odd but i woke up exactly at 2:12 a.m. wanting to do something, like my body was wanting me to make use of my life. a road trip didn’t seem so bad in my head but i wanted someone to come with me, so.”

“why couldn’t you just call jim—”

“jimin wouldn’t wake up at all.” taehyung deadpans.

“what made you think i’m not a heavy sleeper?”

“i—listen, just tell me you don’t wanna come and go.” taehyung does his signature pout before forcefully unclasping namjoon’s hand from his wrist, for good measure. namjoon is just surprised more than anything, he’s smiling from end to end before giving a chuckle and succumbing.

“fine! fine. i’ll come. but this is just so sudden and there are too many questions i wanna ask you, promise you’ll answer them on the way.” namjoon sits up properly and stretches, switches off the fan.

“that’s the point of it, anyway.”

“what, for me to ask questions?” taehyung nods.

“i don’t know anything about you other than the obvious facts that you’re an astrophysics major, you like watching garfield on the t.v. and that you have like two friends, tops.” namjoon snorts.

“please, i have three friends.” taehyung catches his tongue between his teeth and namjoon starts laughing.

“alright, valid point. i don’t even know that much about you. maybe, this will be like our roommate bonding trip. a roonding trip!” taehyung is not impressed at all.

“you know what, plan’s off, i think i’m just gonna sleep.” he jokes and namjoon chortles.

“i’m kidding, i’m kidding. don’t go away. did you think this through at all?” he asks, taehyung blinks like a deer in the headlights.

“uh. would you be mad if i said no?”

namjoon just closes his eyes and sighs.

“well, i have a friend who could lend me a car,” namjoon begins. the curtain on the window ruffles under the soft but cold morning wind, the empty silence being broken by it and namjoon collectively groaning and running his hand over his face.

“like, now? are y’all so close?”

“i mean, he is my boyfriend, so i guess we are.”

taehyung’s head is spinning. what?

“you’re dating?” is the question that pops out of his mouth first, instead of a legendary, “oh my god! you’re gay too!” celebration, he asks such an ugly question. namjoon smiles sheepishly.

“no, actually. i wish i could date, pfft. i just wanted to see how you’d react.” namjoon says, taehyung wants to smack the back of his head.

“the last thing you’d want is a homophobic roommate, i’m hoping you’re grateful you have me, your local bisexual legend.” taehyung points to himself, pretends to close his eyes and bask in the glory. namjoon laughs in amusement.

“that is great! i am grateful, thank you. i don’t like putting labels on my sexuality, i think people should love whomever they want to without having to put fancy terms on top of it—people can love people, that’s the gist of it.” taehyung nods and internally gasps in admiration. was he actually living with him for almost three months now?

“anyways. kim seokjin would jump off a building for me if i asked, so—he can get me a car at two a.m., should be nothing.” namjoon says, taehyung beams in excitement.

“what life-giving sacrifice did you make on behalf of him?”

“c’mon, i’ll tell you on the way.”

they’re walking and walking and walking, taehyung feels so much adrenaline that he could cut a bitch right now. namjoon’s just walking with his hand shoved into the pockets of his hoodie, not a single word leaving his mouth.

“see, this is exactly why i want to go on a trip with you.” namjoon looks at him in surprise, eyebrows raised.

“i’m sorry, i’m just shit at getting to know people. i really hope this trips works out for the good, you know?” taehyung nods, agreeing.

the cold air rushes past them in a hurry to run from a new morning, taehyung’s ears flush a light pink as his lips blow out some warm air. namjoon’s shoes make an unsettling noise as they drag across the dry concrete of the walkway. taehyung looks at him expectantly.

“tell me about your friend, you said you will.”

“oh yeah. seokjin is my good friend from back in high school. he was such a carefree, crazy dude, the typical sagittarius person you could ever find. so, we were—”

“i’m a capricorn!”

“wr—i’m a virgo! we have good compatibility, yay. yeah, we were writing our merit exams during the last year of school and he used to sit in the adjacent row. i remember the look on his face when he got one look of the math paper and had tears in his eyes. of course, i couldn’t do anything right away but then as time elapsed, i could see the increasing terror in his eyes and i really had to do something. so, i quickly gave off my answer sheets, one by one and you could say, that was the reason why he came to graduation in the first place.” taehyung laughs loudly in the silence of the street.

“it’s worth jumping off a building?” he asks, stifling a laugh.

“i really don’t know but he says it every time he sees me, so yeah. the dialogue stuck with me.”

“i wanna hear him say it, how far is his place yet?” taehyung asks and whines like a kid.

“right around the bend.”

seokjin’s place is nothing but a small building—concrete with a roof over it, taehyung wonders how anyone even lives there. it’s rusty, there are weeds on the side of the building and there is little light on the street. he eyes namjoon suspiciously.

“is he your weed dealer?” he blurts out. namjoon barks out a laugh.

“he probably could be, but i’m happy he isn’t.” namjoon pulls out his phone from the same pocket he had his hands in and scrolls down until he finds, taehyung assumes, seokjin’s number. taehyung hopes for the best.

“why don’t you just knock?”

“oh my god, please don’t tell me you thought this was his home.” taehyung wants to facepalm himself.

“of c-course not! i just felt like i should ask,” he mumbles.

“wish us luck.” namjoon says after giggling for a significant minute.

“jinnie? yep, i know what time it is. i’m sorry, okay? you can go back to your harry potter rpg right after this one thing. i know you’d do anything for me, jinnie.” and at that moment, namjoon puts the phone on speaker and taehyung listens intently. “think you’re taking too much advantage of the fact that i would jump off a building if you asked, buddy. but,” he sighs, “fine. what is it?” taehyung snickers, his eyes wide open now. “i’m currently standing in front of your office with a friend and i want your car for scientific purposes.”

“at two in the fucking morning?”

“yep.”

“joonie, you can just tell me you’re horny and wanna do some kinky shit in a car like that other time with—” taehyung fucking barks out a laughter, his throat gives up on him and he goes so far away from the phone to laugh it all out. namjoon puts off the speaker in a flash. “just take the jeep to the car wash when you’re done. okay buddy? office keys are under the fake grass mat near the real grass, car keys are on the wall inside. stay safe and have a happy time! love you!” the line goes dead before namjoon can even say a single ‘fuck you’. he looks over at taehyung who’s still grinning from end to end, clutching his tummy and standing a good fifteen feet away from him.

“lord,” taehyung gasps and then wheezes. “what kinky stuff are we dealing with here? oh no, i think the funniest part isn’t even the car sex but it’s the fact that the first thing your friend thought you are gonna do when you asked for his car was that you were gonna have sex in it. how often does this happen again?” taehyung swears he sees namjoon’s cheeks turn a light shade of a peachy pink after he’s teased him like this. namjoon keeps his head low and searches for the grass mat near the shutter. “it was like one time, okay? jinnie never lets me forget it.” he sighs.

“your jinnie and i will be best friends soon, just you see.” taehyung somehow finds the exceptionally bright green grass mat before namjoon does and retrieves the key from underneath it. they both pull up the shutter and taehyung visibly gapes when he sees the black, polished jeep standing smack dab in the middle of the ‘office’.

“who the fuck wants to have sex in this beauty? they could be driving!”

namjoon smiles endearingly, he finds the keys on a stick on hanger stands on the wall with his torch.

“do you, perhaps, want to drive?” he holds out the keys with an innocent face.

“yes! yes! a million times yes! i will marry you, jeep.” namjoon’s looking at taehyung with so much endearment that taehyung doesn’t know where to look.

“you’re funny. and adorable. you’re adorfunny.”

“okay, you need to stop doing that or i’ll have to kick you out, personally.”

“you packed the water bottles, right?” taehyung eyes him in panic.

“yes, i packed water bottles, gummy bears and condoms. happy? stop asking me and drive.” taehyung sulks, but trains his eyes on the road. they have the makeshift hood of the car pulled up and taehyung wasn’t too happy about it either. namjoon always gets his way through his honeyed smile and big eyes. namjoon 100, taehyung 0.

the road is streaked with golden lights, the asphalt passes them in a whirr and namjoon seems to enjoy looking out the window very much. they enter a bridge and everything looks so serene at the dark of the night—no people, no automobiles, no noise, just them.

“seoul’s so big.” taehyung says, pulling the gear to three and looking ahead to the road. namjoon turns towards him.

“yeah. i wonder how the biggest city in the world is. i feel so insignificant even here, imagine the biggest city in the world. the lack of self-respect i would’ve have for myself is staggering, even in my head.” taehyung chuckles to himself. “well, you’re an astrophysics major, you should know quite the amount of knowledge to deal with that insignificant feeling.” they turn into a street, the roads are bumpy and stony but taehyung drives despite all of that, he knows how much his ass is gonna be hurting after this. the streetlights cast a yellow glow on the road, reflecting the worn out tar into their eyes but namjoon is just looking up to the sky.

“it’s so funny to think we’re all alive on a planet.” namjoon smiles.

“are you one of those alien people? do you think they exist?” taehyung asks, pressing his thumb into the rubber of the steering wheel and moving with a silent 50 mph, even on the silent, calm aura of the road.

“i don’t know, it’s an interesting thing to think about though. we could be either the first ever lifeform in the universe or the very last, which is why we aren’t finding any gamma ray signals from any other object from out there.” taehyung nods in agreement. “but, in reality, how ridiculous is it to say that we might be the only ones booming with life when the universe is so fucking incomprehensibly huge?”

“i personally, love aliens.” is all taehyung has to say in response to namjoon’s monologue. he feels kinda dumb.

“independence day was a scam.” namjoon says and taehyung gapes openly, eyes wide in shock. he wants to drop off namjoon this instant.

“you. you take that back.”

“c’mon! do you really think aliens are gonna do that? they would try to be allies for all i know, plus that movie was so goddamn exaggerated and dramatic.” namjoon bites his words and taehyung feigns taking offense. he pushes his hand for the third gear while looking at namjoon and saying, “you can’t blame hollywood. they love all that crap, maybe you’re just mad they scammed you of your money.”

“maybe.”

namjoon fiddles with the dashboard handle as a silent pause continues, the wind’s noise filtering through the rolled down windows of the jeep. he has one arm folded onto himself whereas the other restlessly fidgets with the peeling sticker on the plastic cabinet and taehyung watches through the corner of his eye and yet, doesn’t say anything at all.

“why me?” namjoon asks after a few seconds.

“why you what?”

“why take me on this impulse trip of yours?”

“i thought i already answered that question, namjoon-ssi.” taehyung spreads a smile.

“namjoon-ssi? oh my god, you really don’t know me at all, do you?” taehyung abashedly nods his head, conveying a no. “can you please just call me hyung? it feels so weird, considering we’ve been living together for almost three months now and now that you know a bit of my past sex life.”

“okay, namjoon-hyung.” taehyung giggles. “well, i felt guilty for the same reason, not knowing you at all. i can’t call myself a good roommate when i don’t even know your preferences on coffee, or even tea? or even what kind of stuff you watch on t.v.,”

“i like tea better than coffee. sorry to say but in my opinion, coffee is a bit too overrated. i take tea with two spoons of sugar and i exclusively watch obscure anime and ngc documentaries, the only exception being pokémon, of course.” taehyung’s face brightens up.

“what kind of ngc documentaries are we talking about?”

“just how beautiful animals are. seals, especially! and penguins, oh my god. did you know that a certain species of penguins migrate to argentina to lay eggs and return about half a year later to find their mate and their nest among 1.5 million others? i was heartbroken for a moment but then nature has so many ways of making thing right, like, i got to know that they use a unique mating call—you heard me right, 1.5 million different mating calls to differentiate from each other. they have like a 93% chance of finding their mates and their family.” taehyung listens with such awe. “what happens to the remaining 7%?”

namjoon purses his lips and looks down. “i don’t wanna think about that, it’s too sad for 3 a.m. in the morning.”

taehyung nods and averts his eyes to the road. “also, pokémon, huh?”

he swears he sees namjoon’s eyes light up with the same amount of fuel left in the sun’s core as soon as he mentions it. “sh, sh, i’ve seen all the squirtle toothbrushes at home. i should’ve just figured out at this point.” namjoon bites his lips from squealing.

the jeep goes over a road bump suddenly, the headlights boggling all over the place. namjoon almost hits his head on the makeshift roof of the car, yet he says a loud ‘ow.’ but, that really doesn’t stop him from talking about pokémon. nothing ever will.

“pokémon is greater than astrophysics.” namjoon breathes, chest booming with pride and adoration for the franchise. taehyung looks at him in complete surprise. taehyung honestly doesn’t know whether to keep his eyes on the road or on namjoon—he’s just so adorable right now that taehyung would and wants to pinch his cheeks and listen to his excited rant about pokémon at this moment, and fuck this road trip already. he wants to just park the jeep by the side of the highway and listen, listen and listen to namjoon.

“my absolute favorite pokémon is gardevoir! of all the gardevoirs i’ve raised, xenia was my baby. she was a level 67, special attacker and the amount of battles i’ve won with her alone, is just—wow. i’m a really good pokémon trainer, what the fuck.” he mutters to himself and taehyung’s just subconsciously smiling at him. “hoenn is the best region. great storyline, great pokémon, the hottest champion ever, what more could i ask for? hm?”

“i’ve finished johto league like twice. my boy torey helped me.” taehyung says, voice cutting through the acrid, yet fresh morning air.

“let me guess. zubat evolutionary line?” taehyung fucking takes his hands off the steering wheel to clap because honestly, what the fuck? how the fuck and where the fuck did namjoon know? is he an astrophysicist or a mind reader? the car shudders on the empty highway, going in a mild zigzag for a minute and namjoon laughs when taehyung struggles to take hold of the steering wheel again. “shit! how did you know? namjoon hyung, this is the creepiest thing ever!”

“who the fuck doesn’t name their zubats ‘torey’? most obvious thing ever, please.”

what in god’s name was taehyung doing all this while having namjoon as his roommate? namjoon might be the coolest person taehyung will ever know, (only after his childhood icon, his neighbour jung hoseok) and yet, he has successfully wasted a whole two months of not getting to know him where he could’ve been best friends with him by this time. the guy loves spongebob, practically thirsts over any anime guy, loves pokémon, thinks horror movies are funny, talks about way too many interesting facts about life and this is all that taehyung knows of him right now and if he already thinks he’s cool, namjoon is the most special guy in the world right now.

“and then torey evolved and my boy looked like he wanted to eat some pussy or chomp down some dick—” namjoon bursts out laughing, the most fulfilling laugh he’s heard in a while—not the ones that are just given out for the sake of it but the one that’s more than genuine. taehyung feels nice with namjoon and the cool breeze of morning air hitting his arm, raising the hair on there. when namjoon calms down a little and starts leaving little spurts of laughter, thinking about that god awful joke taehyung had made about golbat.

“y-you’re funny, taehyung. tell me what you like, i’ve been talking for way too long.” taehyung just feels nice.

“are you sure you know where we’re going?”

“nope.”

“i like playing dating sim games in my free time.” taehyung confesses after a long one hour. namjoon chokes on the water he’s drinking. there are little snickers emanating from the corners of his mouth, beautifully bringing out the dimples that are engraved onto the chubs of his cheeks. taehyung blushes.

“what?”

“th-they’re not cringey, i promise! see, the last one i played was more of a sophisticated companion seeking arrangement.” taehyung whines. namjoon doesn’t look convinced one bit.

“sugarie?” namjoon sighs after a minute.

“okay. you need to shut the fuck up and tell me how you’re reading my mind. this is honestly getting creepier by the minute! and unfortunately, you’re right, of course. it was sugarie. b-but, you can’t blame me! the goddamn game was everywhere, even jimin, who doesn’t even have the time to wipe his ass after taking a shit was so addicted to that game!” taehyung revolts. namjoon reaches over from the passenger seat and cups taehyung’s chin in his hand and turns it towards the road.

what the fuck. taehyung’s hair tingles again.

“eyes on the road, bub. and yes, i completely believe you, okay? don’t need to get so defensive.” namjoon feigns sympathy but still has a nasty smirk knitted onto his lips. “i heard there was this big fuckfest in the game, though?”

bub?

“huh?” taehyung’s so fucking distracted. where does he even look? he wishes he were cross-eyed so that he can always keep one eye on namjoon while driving instead of the stupid road. his mouth goes dry.

they pass by a stray dog family on the side of the highway.

“zitch dog family!” namjoon says and suddenly, taehyung feels like he’s viewing namjoon with a special set of glasses now—one that’s a bit pinkish and has a better clarity of seeing things and namjoon appears like he’s being taken out of a picture, the backgrounds being blurred out in taehyung’s head. where are all these thoughts coming from?

“i ran the juan route right the second i saw his goddamn beautiful face, please—the guy was so beautiful, i shed a little tear.”

“i do not know who that is but go on,” namjoon says, calmly. taehyung takes out his dingy ass phone from the dashboard and hands it over to him in a minute. “you have to feast your eyes. right now. ” namjoon smiles at him curiously, and switches it on by the power button. the lockscreen flashes over his eyes in the dark of the night.

“oh look! that’s jimin and you. how long ago was this?” taehyung looks over to namjoon for a double take and with no resistance, says four years ago. high school was pretty eventful, for taehyung at least. he had his first bi awakening there and honestly, his life hasn’t been the same ever since. he met jimin, and he threw his life completely upside down—for the good, of course. and then, taehyung had his first date with jimin’s friend. that was four whole years ago, he really can’t believe it.

“who is this person?” namjoon’s pointing to jungkook’s smiling, blissed out face. the timing is quite impeccable, really.

“my first boyfriend, jungkook. he was jimin’s friend, we dated for a while but we didn’t work out like that. we stayed friends, though.” taehyung says, eyes trained on the road, dreading eye contact with namjoon. the fear of being asked something crucial is lingering at the back of his mind.

“oh, i’m sorry. i don’t see why anyone would break up with you, actually. you like dating sim games, you support my pokémon dream, you like milk in your tea and you watch buzzfeed unsolved shit while wrapped up. there’s seriously nothing that is unlikeable.” taehyung heart soars for a good five minutes after he hears namjoon say that. there’s an undeniable smile on his face, chest blooming with warmth and his feet tapping with a familiar pulse. there’s really something about namjoon that makes taehyung feel absolutely at ease, like he’s at home and drinking a cup of ginger tea on a rainy day. every time namjoon reveals something new about him, taehyung can feel his body listening with rapt attention and that is saying something.

“th-thank you, i’m over him now. it’s just—he was my first love and all that so it kinda stuck around for more than usual but things always fade away with time, i guess. nothing’s permanent.” namjoon nods in agreement. taehyung clicks his tongue after a while.

“juan, juan, how could i forget about you?” namjoon chuckles, and taehyung tells him the passcode.

[spoiler alert: namjoon squeals when he sees juan.]

“you mind if i play a bit of music?” namjoon asks, searching his little backpack for the aux cable. taehyung can see where he’s heading now; another hour and they’ll be at the most spectacular spot taehyung’s ever been to in twenty one years of his existence. he’s anticipating the excitement and awe on namjoon’s face when he finally stops the car at that place; he wants to see namjoon’s mouth wide open from all the beauty that stands before him and above all, he wants namjoon to enjoy it all. taehyung nods vigorously.

namjoon connects the cable and taehyung flicks his head repeatedly towards him as he rummages through his phone to play a good song. “we’re an hour away from our destination, by the way. i think you’d like the spot.” he says.

namjoon brightens up his eyes and gives taehyung that smile where he smiles with his entire face and his dimples pop out. taehyung feels a little attacked. after a minute, a soft sound starts filtering from the speakers attached on the doors. the song sounds like vintage vocals and old music, good vibes and dripping gold; taehyung wants to sway his feet to the easy rhythm of the song. he’s surprised how namjoon can play a song that exactly fits the mood, right then.

“it’s—it’s very 4:21 a.m. road trip-y.”

“wait till you listen to the whole album, then.”

one by one, song after song, taehyung wants to close his eyes and brush shoulders with namjoon as he listens to the album.

namjoon shuts his eyes after twenty two minutes of the album, head resting on the side frame of the car, lips jutting out unconsciously. again, thrice in one day, taehyung wishes he were cross-eyed. he can’t take his eyes off namjoon.

he puts the entire album on repeat one more time, drives a little slower.

“that’s polaris, you know that one. north star as everyone calls it. people in australia can’t see it, you know?”

“that’s so sad.”

“and there’s venus. oh! look, orion.”

“the only thing i know as of now is the moon, i’m so sorry.”

“did you know that the entire milky way galaxy revolves around a supermassive black hole called sagittarius a?”

“how the fuck aren’t we dead?”

“oh taehyung, honey. not everything that passes a black hole gets eaten up, we need to pass a certain level of proximity called the event horizon. the gravity of those things are so much that planets, stars and in this case, a galaxy can revolve around it, we aren’t anywhere close to a black hole nor are we in any event horizon as of now, so, we’re okay, bub.”

there it was again. a completely new feeling. heartstrings? tugging?

“saturn’s gonna lose her rings in a few million years, did you know that?”

“hey, you don’t have to remind me of tragic future events! i thought we were having a good time, taehyung.”

“the place is just round this bend.”

“oh, so you do know where we’re going.”

there’s a ledge at the side end of the rocky trail, there are roads but they’re not that defined. pebbles are haphazardly strewn across everywhere, it feels like the wind wrecked the entire place down but in reality, it’s just the way nature wants this place to be—untouched and pristine. there are no fancy lakes, narrow streams of water flowing anywhere, no lush forests, no amber grass but the terrain is just plain rugged, defined by browns and sienna of the soil, rocks that hold their home in the iron-rich mud. the trail is narrow, wild grass doesn’t grow on that path but it feels so familiar to taehyung as he kicks a rock, hands shoved in his pocket, a deep whistle emanating from his lips. namjoon looks around curiously, checking his watch every now and then.

“5:24 a.m., are you aiming for the sunrise?” he asks. taehyung mindlessly nods.

“how did you find this place?” a cricket chimes in. the sky looks so bleak but at the same time, threatening to bleed colors at any given instance, the inky blue slowly starting to fade out on the sun’s command.

“m-my family accidentally found this place when we we were on vacation here. we got horribly lost from our hotel and the locals kept saying it was just over this hill,” he chuckles. “i remember asking who in the world built their hotel so high up,” namjoon stares steadily at the ground, a small smile sewn on his lips. “there was no hotel, of course. we just stayed and while we were at it, we just watched the sunrise. nothing can even compare to what i saw that day, i felt so thankful for being alive, you know?”

namjoon nods, understanding. “see, that’s exactly the thing. we worry about little, microscopic things that probably do not having any meaning at all, trying to perfect them all in our own ways, making ourselves or even others, satisfied in the process. we often forget the fundamental purpose of living—the bare thought, the raw feeling of gratitude for living. the purpose of living—it doesn’t get behind any complex way of thinking but the mere fact that we live to make ourselves worthy of feeling that gratitude and anything that comes between that is just the adventure that we have to live out to find ourselves. we often forget that there are so many things that are bigger than us and we are just—”

“momentary lapses in time. our lives don’t even matter to the universe and yet, we worry about stupid things like what kind of cereal to eat in the morning. crazy, isn’t it?” taehyung finishes it for him. “i understand why you like astrophysics now. one question i answered on my own, wow.”

namjoon smiles at taehyung in a way that makes his heart feel fuzzy, his blood feels like liquid gold, illuminating his body in a light tinge of pink when namjoon looks at him like that. he watches as namjoon runs his hand through his hair, as they both approach the ledge to sit and wait for the sun to greet them with its robust and welcoming warmth.

“i wish we had talked earlier, i’m a such a pussy. i’m so sorry.” taehyung confesses. namjoon hits his shoulder in reassurance.

“i’m glad i’m your two a.m. impulse road trip partner. don’t say that.” taehyung rubs his arm in an attempt to make himself feel even warmer than what namjoon is making himself feel at the moment.

it happens when namjoon is swinging his legs, humming a tune and staring up at the sky for one last glimpse at the night sky that is bidding him farewell at the moment. the sun peeks out from the horizon, just an assortment of oranges and yellows at first but it spreads out its magnificent wings at the nick of time and taehyung’s gasps softly. brilliant vermilion seeps into the inky canvas of the sky, painting it in a variety of reds that makes namjoon blink at ease. the sun comes up as a sphere of fire and light over the horizon, no big halo or rays shining off it but as a plain entity that runs life. namjoon tightens his grip on the broken gravel of the ledge, eyes focused and trained on the beauty that spirals before him. the only thing on taehyung’s mind right now is the ponderous question of existence and what he did to deserve this kind of spectacle before him, right in front of his unworthy eyes. the sky rejoices in colors that he’s only seen on paint palettes, a concoction of pinks, oranges and reds that are draining the sky of its darkness and replacing it with delight, giving it impetus to celebrate its admirable hues. namjoon sighs.

“you see? we’re all so unworthy to even be looking at this, right now. i can’t believe i’m alive.”

taehyung nods, wipes a stray tear from his right eye.

“you okay?”

“i—i miss my family. i wish they were with me right now.” taehyung looks far off into the infinite distance of the atmosphere, the diffusion of the art. namjoon’s face softens. he scoots closer on a whim, shoulder touching taehyung’s. taehyung looks at namjoon in proximity, notices the slant of his nose and the citrus of the sky ooze into his eyes. he smiles through it.

“they miss you too,” he puts an arm around taehyung, rubs his bicep and brings him closer to him. “they love you so much, this is a reminder you gave to yourself. you’ll be with them in no time. don’t worry.” taehyung nods and eases into the comfort that namjoon feeds him. he smells like familiarity and this weird sense of déjà vu that he can’t quite seem to explain to himself.

“thanks. th-thank you for agreeing to come with me, you’re really—amazing, for the lack of a better word.” taehyung sputters while giggling, leaning into namjoon’s shoulder. he doesn’t even fidget.

“amazing doesn’t even begin to describe me,” namjoon says, only slightly showing off, but they both start laughing at the gag.

the sky looks cinnabar now, the hues have finally taken their positions in the morning sky, subtly showing off its magnificence with its meticulous distribution of residual light rays.

“you’ve shown me something i’ll never forget in my short life, what do you want in return?” namjoon asks after a while. “hm. i want—” taehyung pretends to think hard. “i want us to be best friends.”

“oh, that’s a given. you don’t even have to ask. ask me something more.”

“i want us to be best friends always.”

“that—i cannot guarantee. sorry, taehyung. i have a feeling we’ll only be best friends for a while but after that,” namjoon raises his eyebrows and smirks off into the distance, away from taehyung.

“hey! what does that mean—” he wants to pretend he doesn’t know what that means.

“maybe, i’ll tell you on the way back, bub.” taehyung widens his eyes and hits namjoon’s shoulder playfully.

“okay, but you’re driving.”

namjoon doesn’t tell him for weeks.

taehyung never asks.

two months later —

“hyung.” taehyung calls out. namjoon’s sitting opposite him, glasses sitting up his nose and coffee slowing drowning in his throat as his eyes scan over an article on his laptop.

“hm?”

“hyung, you’re annoying and you’re mean. you’re meannoying.” taehyung whines loudly, at the lack of attention.

“yep? they’re kinda considering including pluto back in, so it’s kinda big, taehyungie.”

“hyung! look at me.” he’s sulking already but when namjoon’s eyes are finally set on him, the breath gets knocked out of him.

“what happened?” taehyung pauses.

“what did you mean when you said ‘we won’t be best friends for a long time and after that—’ you just stopped talking after that. on the road trip, i mean.” namjoon immediately whips his head away from the blue light of his laptop’s screen.

“i’m actually glad you didn’t ask me all this while. i’m even more glad you’re bringing it up now.”

“why?”

“i wouldn’t have had an answer.”

“you do now?”

“i guess.” namjoon closes his laptop slowly and focuses solely on taehyung. taehyung entirely feels like he’s on fire, namjoon’s eyes are penetrating him and he never wants to look away. he gets up from his chair, it screeches on the floor but taehyung’s ears are far too gone to hear that. something’s going to happen. what? what? what?

namjoon’s holding his wrist. why, why, why is he holding his wrist?

he’s kneeling down. he’s looking at him. he’s looking at him the way he looked at that sunrise, all those months ago. his hands are going up to taehyung’s cheek, caressing the skin there. namjoon’s face is so close to his, he can almost smell his strawberry mints.

and then he kisses him.

namjoon’s a tender lover. taehyung never stops learning a new fact about namjoon everyday, but this? this was out of the world, extraordinary. namjoon’s lips are so warm and inviting just like he is and taehyung wants more and more and more. he kisses just as precious as he is, taehyung’s heart is beating, running or even salsa dancing at the moment, he doesn’t know. he lets namjoon engulf his cheeks in between his hands and leave a final kiss on his eager lips before taehyung opens his eyes and finds namjoon staring back at him but with his lips curved in that smile. taehyung’s heart skips.

“because best friends wouldn’t want to do this everyday, road trip partner.”