Chapter Text
A sluggish trip on the Squall-Eater was a welcomed change of pace from the last month of chaos. Caleb, after getting some much needed rest, explored the partially empty deck of the ship. The few people working were doing jobs he barely remembered the point of. He inhaled deeply, enjoying sea breeze and just existed for a moment. His mind clear and calm. He walked over to the railing to stare at the ocean travelling by when he noticed Fjord a few feet away staring out too. Something about the stillness of everything compelled him to walk towards the makeshift captain. Caleb was definitely curious about what was going through his head after their hasty escape from Dark Tow.
“So, we narrowly got out there, ja?”
Fjord slowly broke out the spell the ocean had on him. “Oh, hey Caleb. Yeah…I guess we did.”
“The conclusion was…pretty exciting to put it lightly. How are you feeling after all of that?” He wasn’t expecting an honest answer, but he thought he’d try.
“Relieved and fucking overwhelmed. A lot of that was touch and go…I didn’t know what was gonna happen. I really thought I got you killed.” Caleb heard a slight shift in his accent. It wasn’t the first time, and he hoped the recent events would help Fjord be more truthful. There was no time like the present.
“I don’t blame you for that just so you know. Getting attacked is part of the job. You had a healing potion and it saved me so everything is fine…I had a question though. It may have been a near death hallucination but I thought it was somebody different who gave me the potion because their accent was nowhere near yours.”
Fjord went rigid.
“…Why did your accent change then Fjord?”
“You don’t miss much, do you Cay?”
“Very little gets past me.”
“Why, do you want to know this?” Fjord seemed more embarrassed than defensive.
Caleb shrugged, “These last few weeks have been trying. Dealing with an untrustworthy woman who was holding us hostage, makes one…suspicious. I know you’ve told us your intentions before, and do not misunderstand me, you have been honest about most things. I suppose I want the full story to get rid of any other suspicion I have about you.” It was the truth. Caleb trusts Fjord. He trusts the man he knows, but there are somethings he needed to know make him trust Fjord completely. There are things he needs to rule out before Caleb can move forward with his own plans.
“What kind of suspicion? Do you think I’m after god-like power or I’m gonna betray everyone for this Uko’toa? I told you, I just wanted to figure out all of this magic stuff…and I’m sorry it lead us down this dangerous nightmare of a situation. I’m nothing like Avantika…” Fjord’s voice trailed off.
Caleb raised both of his hands in a non-threatening way. “I know that…and I just have worries. We know very little about you. This was a strange snapshot of your life before we all met you. What you’ve shown me in this time, is that I can trust you. I have questions because it’s just very jarring. You sound one way around us, and then it changes…maybe I’m being rude.” He backtracked. Voicing his opinion out loud to Fjord did sound invasive. Beau’s advice about leaving Fjord to address this himself crept into his head.
Fjord shook his head, and Caleb could visibly see him relax. “No…you’re not being rude. You’re being nosey but not rude. I don’t want to be misunderstood and feel like you or anyone here gets the wrong idea about me. I’m a…private person, and the accent thing is just one of those things I don’t talk about.” He looked out towards the ocean. “The accent you hear all the time isn’t mine…its Vandren’s.”
The revelation took Caleb aback. That was all? Anxiety being the focal point of his personality, Caleb had worked up different sorts of irrational scenarios, but he never considered it being something simple.
“Oh.”
“That’s all you have to say? You were making this into being a big deal and that little reaction is all I get?” Fjord’s voice was light and had a hint of laughter in it.
“I’m a bit of a pessimist so I feared the worst. Spy or assassin were ideas…I apologize that I assumed something awful about you.”
“Yeah that’ll happen when you keep secrets.” Caleb caught Fjord glancing at him. He caught the double meaning of his words. He wasn’t ready for the attention to be on him…he wasn’t ready for Fjord’s perception of him to be ruined. Being a hypocrite was something Caleb was use to so he ignored Fjord’s push to get him to spill his secrets just yet.
“Speaking like this keeps him close to you?”
Fjord nodded.
“I don’t get emotional too often, but he was…basically a father. He accepted me as me when nobody had done that in my life. I don’t want to forget his kindness if you know…we find him in the shipwreck. Part of me doesn’t want reminders of what my life was like before so it’s split between a way to honor him and to remember better times.”
“That’s a unique way to pay tribute, but it is fitting for you.”
“How so?” He watched Fjord out of the corner of his eye as he thought out his words carefully.
“That accent is very flashy. It sounds perfect for a charismatic person who is great at leading.” Caleb felt his ears grow warm. He was being honest but something about the compliment felt embarrassing.
“So I’m flashy now?”
“I may have been unconscious for this bit, but didn’t you summon a demon from another dimension and drop it on Vera’s head?” They both started laughing. It had been quite a long time since either of them could laugh so freely, the feeling was nice. When the laughter faded, they went back to watching the water pass.
“So you know now…if you could keep this just between us, that’d be great. You and Jester are the only ones who know.”
“Ja, secret is safe. I guess Jester asked you first then?”
“Nope. She figured it out.” A sheepish grin found its way to Fjord’s mouth. “She doesn’t miss much either.”
There were other questions he had, but Caleb was starting to feel like he was prying too much. Fjord made no move to leave, nor did he make Caleb feel like he was unwelcome. He surprised him by striking up another conversation.
“I’m just glad that the whole you know, distraction stuff, is over.” Caleb could feel Fjord’s discomfort.
“Yeah, none of that seemed too pleasant. I think I should apologize if I seemed too eager to throw you into that Fjord. It must not have been easy to be put in that situation.”
“No it was not.” Fjord’s gaze went back to the ocean. This was sensitive territory. Any other time Caleb would have left well enough alone, but he had made some headway. Hopefully Fjord was still in the mood for sharing.
“Not to say you enjoyed her company, but having someone you have something in common with must be comforting in a way. I hope you won’t feel isolated from the rest of us after all of this. While I may not be the patron of some ancient deity or whatever, I don’t mind chatting every once and awhile to help you out with you may be feeling.” He patted Fjord on the back briefly.
“Thank you Caleb…I didn’t take you for the talking type but I’ll keep that in mind.” He paused. “It’s not that I miss her, I miss not feeling…alone? Avantika wasn’t the ideal companion, but she understood things only I’ve been experiencing. I never shared this with anyone because I had jack shit to go off of. And then, by some random accident, you find a person who can clear up pretty much any sort of questions you had about your dreams, your powers and it just…felt like a relief.” He turned to lean his back on the rail. Arms crossed and head back. “And then you find out that she’s got ambitions to unleash hell on the whole planet, and to keep the people you care about safe you got to play along with her batshit crazy plans.” Fjord exhaled slowly. “I’m having a hell of a time dealing with all of this.”
“Not to sound like a walking cliché, but you don’t have to deal with this alone anymore.”
“I know. This opening up stuff is weird and uncomfortable…but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel slightly better after saying some things.” He gave Caleb a nervous smile. He gave one back, feeling more connected to the half-orc.
Fjord hummed in concentration, tapping his fingers across his forearms for a moment before turning to Caleb. “I suppose there’s this small silver lining from this situation.”
“What sort of silver lining?” He asked. The conversation was turning into something different.
“I…got some insight on something that I hadn’t thought about in long time I guess.”
“You’re being cryptic again Fjord. If you don’t want to talk about…whatever it is you’re trying to talk about, we don’t have to right now.”
“Nah, I mean…I want to say it before I lose my nerve. I’m not as sure about myself as I originally thought.”
“Meaning what…exactly?” Strangely he an idea of what Fjord was hinting at, but let him finish.
“I don’t think…I’m exactly all the way…straight?” A good minute passed before either one said anything.
Oh. Oh. Caleb was completely surprised that Fjord was confiding in him about something that personal, especially after being hesitant about sharing any sort of information. He gave Fjord a quizzical look.
“Well that’s interesting. That certainly is a thing to pull from this whole situation. You said I was being nosey earlier…why did you want to share this with me?” He quickly added, “I don’t mean to sound intolerant or anything, I just don’t understand why you chose me to talk to?”
Fjord shrugged. “To be honest, you’ve been the most persistent in getting me to talk and I guess I’m just unloading on you because I’m all over the place right now Caleb…and all people considered you’re probably the best person to talk to.”
“What about Beauregard?”
“I considered it, and maybe I would have if we had talked earlier. I probably will eventually. Anyone else, that’s a big no.”
Caleb went through the list of the Mighty Nein and Fjord simply shook his head at each suggestion, but he gave a half-hearted response when Caleb brought up Jester.
“Talking with her about personal stuff is just awkward. I’m not really sure what’s going on with…us? If there even is an us, if I want there to be an us? I don’t want bring up any sort of relationship stuff when I have no clue about how I’m feeling overall. It just…feels wrong to maybe string her along to figure my shit out and then realize it’s not gonna happen.”
Tension that had wormed its way into Caleb’s chest, from what he wasn’t sure, eased up. As he was processing the relief, he immediately felt guilty. Any feelings other than neutrality towards Fjord’s recent discovery got squashed down.
“That’s well thought out.” Caleb remembered his heart to heart with Jester. Her interest in Fjord was very obvious, but he wasn’t going to say anything unless Jester said it first.
“I’d like to keep other people’s feeling from getting hurt if I can help it. I guess it’s another thing on my growing list of shit to work through.” Fjord ran a hand through his hair, tousling it gently.
“Baby steps my friend.” Caleb whispered. He meant for Fjord to hear it, but he was talking to himself. Fjord was watching him again.
“Yeah, baby steps. This talking thing, it’s a two way street, but I’m not really in any position to judge. I do appreciate this though, weird or uncomfortable as it has been, getting out of my own head for a bit feels like I am taking those baby steps. I’d hope you feel comfortable enough around me to, move forward too.”
Caleb’s eyes traced the patterns from the burnt wood on parts on the rail. There was a hopeful edge in his voice, and it made Caleb’s gut twist. Despite his prying and suspicions, Fjord didn’t shut him out and felt grateful for it. Would he feel anywhere near as appreciative if he truly knew Caleb? Would he even be willing to hear him out if he heard the truth?
“Fjord…you’re quite the trusting fellow, we’re all lucky to have you around. I’m not entirely sure what is going on in your head about me but…it’s not pretty.”
“Hell, given the last month, I don’t think it’ll be as terrible as you’re thinking.”
Caleb stared out towards the horizon this time. “That’s a story for another day.”
“Well, when that day comes…I’ll be here to listen.” He gave Caleb a smile, and because he’d seen Fjord when he tried to fake his way through many of their adventures, he knew the difference between false emotion and genuine sentiment. He felt another tight squeeze in his chest. After giving a simple nod, he walked back below deck. That was enough ocean for right now.