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The village was deeply asleep when she stepped out of her hut and followed Sofia’s lead. The early winter dawn was mercilessly cold – it was something Lara couldn’t really get used to, the freezing wind felt like a hit in the face. It reached her bones, no matter how many layers Lara put around her body.
The snow crunched under their feet as they silently marched forward in the dim light. Everything was very calm and even peaceful around them, but Lara felt anything but peaceful.
He was awake. He was alive. The stressful days when she was afraid of losing him were over, she could take a deep, liberating breath. But a moment later a new heavy topic emerged from the nothing: how he will react to her? Their last proper conversation wasn’t a loving one and with the Divine Source gone… she had no reason to stay. What will happen to them now?
Lara hated to let herself sink into illusions and even if it was really tempting to do so, she refused. She will go home with Jonah; the young woman knew that. And also knew what she wanted; wanted Jacob to follow her, wanted them to live with the chance they’ve got. She couldn’t leave him behind just like that, not now, needed to try and fight for what they had. Needed to try to preserve what they had, protect it and keep it alive. She wanted that.
But she didn’t know what Jacob wanted. Was he willing to leave everything behind and face with the modern world at her side? Can she even ask that from him? Did she have the right for that? Looking up, watching Sofia in front of her showing the way her heart sank a bit. She was about to ask him to leave behind his daughter.
But it wasn’t her choice to make. And whatever will he answer, Lara needed to respect that.
They reached a small building, what seemed to be slightly more comfortable than the huts among the trees. Two Remnant men stood guard, ensuring Jacob had his peace to recover. Sofia stepped to the door and Lara followed her without any problem - no one will stop her apparently.
Stepping inside right after Sofia, Lara looked around: It was pretty… well, almost cosy. The fire warmed the place up nicely – it felt really good after the harsh wind outside. Jacob was laying on the ground on bunch of thick furs, close to the fireplace, covering himself with a blanket, turning his attention toward the figures, standing in his door. He seemed to be tired and… weak. Lara never saw him being weak. It was an unmistakable sign of that he was as fragile as any of them now.
“I leave you alone.” Sofia whispered to her and Lara already felt the freezing air against her back, as the red haired woman opened the door again and was back in the coldness.
Jacob shot a weak smile at her as Lara slowly walked closer, reached out for her. She accepted his hand without a word, letting him pull her closer, down onto the ground, kneeling next to him. They didn’t need to say a word yet, just silently being thankful for both of them are alive and more or less well. For seeing each other again.
Honestly Lara didn’t even know until now how much she was prepared to the worst case scenario.
Slowly examining him saw his bandages reached over the blanket’s edge. He didn’t heal quickly anymore. Worry filled her brown eyes; he was paler, weaker and clearly in pain. The urge to make him feel better was there again, but she couldn’t do anything to ease his pain.
Reaching up with her free hand touched his bare skin; it was still warm, he was still here, he truly was here.
Suddenly Lara felt like she put down a huge weight, all her fears about losing him were gone, he was here with her, alive and healing. It was overwhelming, pushed the air out her lungs, like a huge punch or fall would, holding his hand like a drowning man, fearing if she let him go, she will lose him for good.
Heavy words were on her tongue, she didn’t want to say them out loud, but they sneaked outside, no matter how hard Lara tried to stop them. “I thought I’m losing you.” Admitting it was harder than she imagined, her voice was hoarse and failing her quickly, looking away from him, anywhere but him, fighting her tears back. She was sick of crying.
Warm and gentle touch brought her attention back to him as he caressed her cheek gently, swiping her tears away.
“I never wanted this happen to you. I should never let it happen. I’m sorry.”
Lara made a small laugh, but not with joy. He feels sorry? He almost died and feels sorry for her, facing the end he predicted to happen? The end, he tried to warn her about? God, he couldn’t be this immaculate.
“No, you’ve tried everything to make me see reason. You told me I shouldn’t go after it without thinking my goals through, you told me to let it be, you asked me to not be this stubborn and learn from the mistakes of the past. The Source only caused destruction, but I didn’t want to see that.”
The way he looked at her was… gentle, but sad. He looked like even if he did try everything to make Lara re-think her actions, it wasn’t everything he could do. He looked like someone who didn’t do enough, didn’t do everything he could, didn’t try hard enough, his best.
“I should destroy it centuries ago, but I couldn’t do it and let it fall onto you. It wasn’t fair, it was my burden to deal with, not yours.”
It brought back memories of a dreadful night and heavy realisations about himself and his past, his identity. And all the things she said to him then and there.
“I’m sorry.” whispered, then slowly added “Because of how I reacted. When you admitted the truth. I said things I shouldn’t say and… Dealing with the mere thought of those things were the last words I ever said to you...”
He didn’t answer right away, didn’t tell her It’s okay and I am forgiving you. Jacob felt like there was nothing to forgive to her.
“I lied to you.” It was a sample statement.
“But not willingly.” she objected. It wasn’t fair to judge him because he did what he had to, even if it hurt her feelings. Thinking back Lara didn’t really feel anything anymore – seeing him dying while she was helpless swiped out everything else. Getting him back was such a reward, she never dared to hope for.
“I still lied to you.” Jacob took a deep breath and carefully let it out. Mistakes weren’t an easy topic to talk about, but they needed to make things clear and leave them behind themselves. “We are not perfect Lara. Not you, not me, no-one. Humans tend to make the same mistakes over and over again and I thought I can learn from that, I had the privilege to watch them for many years and I still do the same mistakes. You cannot blame yourself for it. I lied and you felt betrayed, I hurt you even if I never wanted to, but I still did and I knew I will hurt you with this. Knew you will figure it out sooner or later. I should tell it to you way before and willingly, but…. I was too afraid I am going to lose you if I admit everything.”
They were only humans.
“All we can do is to learn from it.”
She watched him admitting he wasn’t perfect. Maybe that is one of the hardest thing for someone to do: admitting his own mistakes. Lara also had to face with them after Yamatai and after the Divine Source as well: first admitting her father was right and she was wrong and how she abandoned him, thinking he lost his mind. Then kept thinking about what she did wrong, if she could save her friends or if she didn’t push them to go into the Dragon’s Triangle then all of them would be alive today. And now, almost losing Jacob, because she was too stubborn and eager to find the Divine Source, because she believed she could and she should, because it was her privilege, because it would do good to the world. She was wrong and all that came back to her to reminded her to her own imperfection, how she could think too much of herself and how cruelly her decisions avenged themselves. Lara hated it, but she knew she needed to do it to become a better person. Not perfect, but better than she was yesterday.
Squeezed his hand a bit, then bend over and pressed her forehead against his, took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the fire and him, feeling extremely grateful he was still here with her, getting a second chance.
“I am willing to learn from it.” answered softly.
‘With you at my side.’
“And I don’t want to do it alone anymore.”
‘I don’t want to do anything alone anymore.’
Could she still hope for the best or was it simply too much she asked for? Was he ready for this? And she? Was this what they truly wanted?
He pushed her back a little and looked into her eyes, observed her for a long moment. Then simply smiled at her like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“I told you: I’d follow you anywhere.”