Work Text:
Starting Again
Steve woke in the middle of the night and knew he was alone in the bed. Danny was such a presence in every room he occupied that Steve didn’t even need to turn over to know the other side of the bed was empty.
This was not the first night that Danno had slipped out of bed in the dark of night to spend his time either wandering the house, slumped on a chair on the lanai or sitting cross-legged on the beach.
The SEAL threw back the covers and climbed out of bed stopping to pull on a pair of pajama bottoms. Danny had told him before not to bother getting up but he couldn’t stand the idea of letting his boyfriend grieve alone in the dark Hawaiian night.
Steve padded down the stairs softly and looked around the house before spotting his man sitting on the sand near the water. Steve slid open the lanai doors and made his way down to the beach, the cool sand shifting under his bare feet.
Danny glanced up as Steve approached.
“Babe, I told you, you don’t have to bother getting up when I do. I’m fine I just couldn’t sleep.”
Steve sat down next to his boyfriend and put an arm around his shoulders.
“I’m not leaving you out here by yourself Danny. You don’t have to bear this alone, you know that.”
Danny sighed and rested his head on Steve’s shoulder.
“I thought after we got back from the funeral it would start getting better but I still feel like I’m drifting or something. I feel like I’m letting everyone down because I can’t seem to pull myself together.”
Steve kissed Danny on the top of his head then rested his cheek on his hair.
“You’re not letting anyone down ok? Honey it’s only been four weeks since your parents were killed. You can’t expect everything to be better so quickly. It’s going to take a long time to learn to create a new life without them in it. You’ve just got to let yourself go through this.”
Danny wrapped an arm around Steve’s waist and hugged him.
“I’m just grateful I have you to help me. I guess if anyone understands what I’m going through it’s you.”
“A bit I guess but I at least had 18 years between the deaths of my parents. They weren’t ripped from me in one minute by some asshole drunk driver.”
Danny twisted himself to curl up against Steve. He looked up at him with sunken, haunted eyes.
“Steve? Take me to bed and make love to me. It’s only when you’re inside me that I can feel…anything.”
Steve pulled his partner tight against his chest and kissed him on the forehead.
“I’ll take care of you Danny. I will always take care of you.”
After a moment Steve pulled slightly away from his boyfriend and climbed to his feet. He held his hand down and Danny grabbed it and climbed up beside him. The two men walked back to the house, arms tightly around each other.
**********
Kono looked through the windows of Danny’s office to see the detective slumped over his desk reading a report. His head was resting heavily on one hand and he appeared exhausted and defeated.
She turned to Steve who was standing next to Chin searching for information on the tech table.
“He looks so…” She shook her head as her words faded away.
The SEAL nodded and also glanced over at his lover.
“I know. He’s not sleeping very well and I have to coax him to eat most of the time.”
“How are his sisters coping?” Chin asked.
Steve tipped his head from one side to the other.
“As well as can be expected I guess but Laura and Ruth have the added pressure of settling their parent’s estate while trying to look after their own families. Along with that they’re trying to comfort and support Isabel who I don’t think really understands what’s going on and is having a hell of a lot of trouble coping.”
Isabel, Danny’s youngest sister, was born with Down syndrome and was mentally challenged. For several years she had lived independently in a small basement suite in a house owned by close friends of her parents but the 24-year-old was still dependent on her parents to help her with daily tasks. Now that her support system had been ripped away, the young woman was floundering and more emotionally needy than usual.
“Maybe you should bring Izzy here for a visit,” suggested Kono, “I know we’d all love to see her again.”
Steve nodded.
“Yeah, we’re planning that, probably next month. I think being with Danny for a while, not to mention getting to spend time with Rachel and Grace would help a lot. I think it would help Danny too. He feels so goddamned guilty about being so far away.”
The two men turned back to the computer table to resume their work while Kono returned to her office. Several minutes later Danny emerged from his office.
“Steve, I think we should interview Tanaka again. I’ve been looking over his interview with the HPD and something is off about the timing of when he said he last saw Hartsen.”
Steve couldn’t help smiling proudly at his partner. It didn’t matter how emotionally devastated or distracted Danny was, he was still a hell of a detective.
*********
Steve and Danny lay on the couch tangled together on Saturday morning kissing and groping and driving each other a little bit wild. The two groaned in frustration when the signal announcing an incoming Skype call went off on Danny’s laptop.
The detective pulled himself out of Steve’s arms.
“Just ignore it!” pleaded Steve needing to do something about the uncomfortable bulge in his cargo pants.
Danny smiled down at him, lips swollen and hair a mess looking sexier than Steve could be expected to handle.
“You know I can’t babe. It could be one of my sisters.”
Steve nodded and flopped back down on the couch as Danny climbed off and moved to the kitchen table to answer the call. The faces of his two sisters, Laura and Ruth appeared on the screen.
“Morning Danny,” Ruth, the oldest of the three girls began.
“Morning Ruth. Morning Lor. Where’s Iz?”
Danny’s two sisters glanced at each other looking a bit guilty before turning back to face their brother.
“Mike took her and the kids out for ice cream so we could talk between ourselves.”
Danny furrowed his brows worriedly.
“Is something wrong?”
Steve heard the tension in Danny’s voice and immediately walked into the kitchen and pulled up a chair to sit down beside his boyfriend. The two women saw him and smiled.
“Oh hi Steve,” Ruth smiled tentatively. “I’m glad you’re there, you might as well know what’s going on.”
Steve raised a hand in greeting as Danny leaned forward slightly.
“What’s going on? Has something happened to Iz?’
“No, Danny,” Laura spoke quickly to reassure her brother. “Izzy’s fine – I mean she’s still struggling with Mom and Dad’s deaths obviously but physically she’s fine.”
Danny blew out a relieved sigh and felt Steve’s warm hand settle on his lower back.
“But there is a problem Danny,” Ruth continued. “Izzy needs a lot of care and attention lately. The McIntosh’s say she’s been waking up screaming and crying every night and they’ve had to get up with her night after night to comfort her. They’re in their 70’s now; it’s too much for them.”
“So they want her to move out of their basement apartment?” Danny inquired.
“We moved her out last week,” interjected Laura. “She’s been staying with Armando and me. I had to put Kaylee and Jacob in the same room so that she could have Kaylee’s room but…it’s not working out that well. We need to do something else.”
“Danny, you know how busy Laura is with the two kids and working on her PhD,” continued Ruth. “She’s been trying to help Iz but it’s running her ragged. And with Mike having just lost his job I’ve had to take on a new part-time job and there’s no way that we can have Izzy with us. Not to mention there’s no room in our little shoe box house.”
Danny nodded and rubbed his hands over his face.
“OK. I understand. What do you suggest we do?”
The two women looked at each other again until Laura gave an almost imperceptible nod to her sister. Ruth turned back to the camera.
“There’s a group home near here. We’ve both gone to look at it and it’s very nice…”
“Oh Jesus!” Danny moaned. “You want to put our sister in a home?”
“Danny please,” pleaded Laura. “We’ve tried so hard to look after her but it’s not working. We’re neglecting our own children to give her the emotional support she needs. It’s not fair to our kids.”
Danny stared dumbfounded at his sisters, his throat so tight with emotion that he couldn’t respond.
Suddenly Steve leaned forward.
“Isabel can come and live with us.”
The detective whipped his head around to stare incredulously at his partner.
“Steve? What...do you know what you’re suggesting?”
Steve shrugged and gave Danny a decided look.
“Of course I do and it makes perfect sense. We both love Izzy. She loves Hawaii. She’ll be close to Grace. It’s perfect.”
“Steve…” Danny whispered in disbelief.
Ruth spoke up again.
“Steve, that’s lovely of you to offer but I think you and Danny should really think about it and talk it over. Having a mentally disabled person living with you is like having a child who never grows up. She will be almost completely dependent on you for everything for the rest of her life.”
Steve lifted his jaw defiantly.
“We can handle that.”
Now Laura interjected.
“You can now but what about when you’re older or what if, God forbid, something happened to you two? Who would look after her then? Not to mention Isabel’s had some health issues because of the Downs and could have more in the future. Mom and Dad set up a trust fund for her but one major health problem could drain that completely.”
“We can have her listed as a dependent on Danny’s insurance,” replied Steve. “The State of Hawaii will help with her expenses.”
“Steve,” Danny put his hand on Steve’s knee to get his attention. “I love you for even suggesting it but the girls are right, we have to talk about this.”
“Why Danny? We both love Izzy. We have room for her. We have no children of our own except Grace and unfortunately she’s only here every second weekend. We have lots of ohana around who will help…”
“But our jobs Steve,” Danny reasoned, “and the hours we work. What will we do with her if we pull some three day case like we do regularly?”
Steve shrugged and looked from his boyfriend to the sisters then back to Danny again.
“Then maybe Rachel will let her stay – you know she adores Iz – or we can hire someone to sit with her. Look, I’m not naïve. I know it’s not going to be easy and we’ll have some problems to overcome but none of us wants to see Izzy go into a home do we?”
Ruth and Laura looked at each other then back to the screen to see Danny biting his lip in concentration before looking back at his sisters.
“What do you think?”
Laura’s eyes filled with tears and she rubbed her face with the back of her hand – a gesture from childhood that signaled she was getting upset.
“It’s just…she’ll be so far away. We won’t get to see her very much. I know that sounds selfish but…”
Steve shifted on his chair to sit closer to Danny and get a better view of the screen.
“We can send her back to New Jersey for a month or two every summer and for some of the holidays and you guys can come and visit whenever you like.”
Danny leaned closer to Steve and whispered in his boyfriend’s ear.
“Babe…you need to be sure about this. It’s a hell of a responsibility.”
Steve turned to face his lover, his eyes bright with determination.
“I don’t say anything I’m not sure about Danny, you know that. It’s up to you but you know I’m behind you and will support whatever decision you make.”
“Danny?” Ruth spoke up again. “You haven’t said what you think? You and Steve have only been together for a couple of months. This could be a major strain on your relationship. You need to be sure this is what you want before you agree because Izzy can’t be shuttled back and forth between New Jersey and Hawaii.”
Danny chewed his bottom lip and searched Steve’s face for a moment looking for any sign of hesitation. Finally he looked back at his sisters and nodded.
“Talk to Izzy and see what she thinks. If she agrees, I’ll fly out next weekend to pick her up.”
*********
Grace was bouncing on the balls of her feet as she clutched Steve’s hand and glared impatiently at the sliding doors of the airport arrivals area.
“Where are they, Uncle Steve?” She whined slightly.
Steve smiled down at the little girl indulgently.
“The plane only landed a few minutes ago Grace. It takes a while to get all those people off.”
Grace sighed and rolled her eyes then turned back to stare at the door. Another moment passed before the door opened and people in a variety of brightly coloured clothing began streaming out.
“Where are they? Where are they?” demanded Grace tugging on Steve’s hand to pull him closer to the doors. Steve finally lifted her in his arms so that she could get a better view. The child scanned all the faces avidly before pointing urgently.
“There they are! Danno! Auntie Izzy!” she screeched loud enough for people nearby to turn and look.
When Danny was close enough Steve put the squirming girl down and she charged into her father’s arms. Danny had to let go of his sister’s hand to pick up his daughter so Steve stepped up to Izzy and placed a beautiful, aromatic lei around her neck. He stooped low to kiss her on both cheeks causing the young woman to giggle and blush.
“Aloha, Isabel,” Steve grinned. “Welcome to your new home.”
“Aloha, Steve!” Isabel replied returning the SEAL’s hug. “Danny taught me that word. It means hello and goodbye and love.”
“That’s right!” Steve beamed down at the petite blonde woman who scrunched her eyebrows in confusion.
“How can it mean hello and goodbye?”
Steve laughed and shook his head.
“Well…it’s kind of hard to explain. Let’s ask Kono and Chin alright?”
Having finished saying hello to his daughter, Danny put her back on the ground and Grace ran to hug Isabel while Steve and Danny kissed then embraced.
“How was the flight?” asked Steve rubbing his hand up and down his boyfriend’s back.
“Tiring,” Danny admitted resting his head wearily on Steve’s chest. “We didn’t sleep much and Izzy cried a lot. She’s pretty anxious.”
Steve released his boyfriend then put his hands on either side of his face, bending down until their noses touched.
“Well you’re home now,” he whispered. “I’ll take you back to the house and you and Izzy can sleep while Grace and I go swimming.”
Danny closed his eyes and sighed in relief.
“Thanks babe.”
**********
Isabel quietly crept down the stairs several hours later. She was still in her pajamas and her shoulder length blonde hair was a mess. Her eyes were still droopy from jetlag.
The young woman quietly entered the kitchen and Steve turned to give Danny’s sister a smile.
“Hey Iz, how are you feeling? Did you sleep well?”
Isabel nodded then perched cautiously on the edge of a kitchen chair, her hands clutched tightly on her lap.
“Is Danny awake yet?” She asked her voice still rough with sleep.
“No, not yet. He was pretty tired.” Steve came over to the young woman and knelt in front of her.
“Are you hungry? Do you want a sandwich?”
The blonde woman nodded but seemed too shy to meet Steve’s eyes.
“Why don’t you go and have a shower? That will help you wake up. When you’re done you can eat your sandwich and then we can go hang out on the beach.”
“I don’t know where to shower,” she replied, her voice tiny and shy.
Steve stood up and put out his hand.
“C’mon. I’ll show you.”
Isabel took Steve’s hand and followed him as he gently guided her upstairs. He showed her the main bathroom which he had cleared of his and Danny’s products.
“This is going to be your bathroom for now so you can keep all your things in here ok?”
Isabel nodded then looked up at Steve warily
“What should I wear after I shower?” she asked quietly.
Steve knew Isabel was usually more independent than this but her parent’s death had left her feeling frightened and helpless.
He led the young woman back into her bedroom – Steve’s old room – and put her suitcase up on a chair so that she could access it.
“Maybe wear something really light since it’s hot. Do you have shorts and a tee shirt? You can wear those.”
Nodding, Isabel dug in her suitcase and pulled out a pair of shorts then dug around again and withdrew a Mickey Mouse tee shirt. She stood staring at it for a moment and Steve’s heart leapt into his throat when he saw tears streaming down her face.
“Sweetie? What’s wrong?” he asked gently, putting one hand on her shoulder.
“Daddy bought this for me when we went to Disneyland last year,” the young woman sobbed, her breath coming in gulps. “Now he’s dead.”
Steve carefully put the bottles of Isabel’s bath products down on her dresser and pulled the petite woman into his arms stroking her hair with one hand while holding her around the shoulders with the other.
“I know sweetie,” he whispered feeling his own throat tighten with emotion. “I’m so sorry about your Mom and Dad. I know how much you miss them but don’t forget you’re not alone. You have Danny and Grace and Rachel and Chin and Kono and you have me. We’re a family and we’re going to be happy together.”
“But Myron isn’t in Hawaii,” the young woman sobbed.
Steve paused in confusion for a moment.
“Who is Myron, honey?”
“Ruthie’s dog. We liked to play together.”
Steve held the sobbing woman tighter.
“Oh I see. I didn’t know about Myron. Listen, maybe we can get a dog for you later would you like that? We could go to the ASPCA and pick one out.”
Steve released the young woman slightly and lifted her chin and used his thumbs to wipe away her tears.
“What kind of dog do you think you’d like?”
Isabel blinked rapidly a few times then sniffed loudly.
“A black one,” she replied rubbing her nose with the back of her hand.
Steve smiled gently at her.
“OK. As soon as you’re settled we’ll go and look for a black dog for you.”
A tentative smile spread on Isabel’s face.
“Can I name him Myron 2?”
Steve chuckled and leaned down to kiss her on the forehead.
“Yes, you can name him Myron 2. That’s a nice name for a dog.”
After Steve showed Isabel how to run the shower he shut the bathroom door and waited for a minute until he heard the water come on. It was late in the afternoon and Steve decided he should wake Danny up or his boyfriend wouldn’t be able to sleep in the night.
Just before he reached their bedroom door it opened and Danny stood in the doorway, tears pooling in his eyes.
“I saw what you did…” Danny’s voice broke and he had to take a shuddering breath before he could speak again. “Thank you babe.”
Steve gathered his boyfriend into his arms. The Williams family had a lot of healing to do and he was determined to be there with them every step of the way.
The end