Chapter Text
The first time Caleb touched her it wasn’t even him. It was a bad night, a cold one, and she lay next to their smoky little fire, shivering from more than just the frost on the ground. Caleb was sitting watch, nervous even with his brilliant little silver thread around them, and she’d made him put the one ragged blanket they’d stolen over his bony knees.
She could feel her teeth chattering, and tried to keep it quiet.
“Are you all right, Nott?” he asked.
“Of course I am,” she told him. Her voice scratched on the way out, even more than usual. Her hands were tucked up under her arms, but she could feel the claws scratching her skin as she shook again. “Don’t worry about me, Caleb.”
The warm weight over her midsection was a shock. Frumpkin was a big cat, compared to her, and when he materialized an inch above her to land with all four paws in her gut, it hurt a little. She curled onto her side, but Frumpkin just rolled with her. Nott stayed as still as she could as he walked across her three times, finally settling with his nose tucked under her chin and his long orange body draped across her.
“You should not-- ah, please do not eat him,” Caleb said.
Frumpkin started purring.
She stroked gently between his eyes. “I won’t.”
The first time he touched her skin, she almost didn’t notice, because they were running for their life again. She noticed later, the second time, when he quietly unwound her bandages and cleaned the dirt out of the hole the guard's arrow had left in her arm.
It became commonplace-- playing Mother’s Love, climbing in and out of windows, the time he carried her over the stream in the woods.
It became casual-- sharing drinks and food at the fireside, moving quickly, guiding Caleb when he looked through Frumpkin’s eyes.
It became comforting-- pressing close beside him when they had to go into towns, taking his hand when he stared into the fire for too long, curling up at the foot of the bed to be near the window but still on his feet in case he moved in his sleep.
Touches become frequent, in their merry band of assholes. Jester is the easiest, because she wants to love and be loved. She misses her mother, she can tell before Jester even tells them her whole story. She carries that feeling around her: hold me close and tell me your secrets and run into the moonlight with me and let’s be happy. Nott has never met anyone who loves in the way that Jester does, not even Yeza.
They lose Jester, and Fjord and Yasha and Molly. They get three of them back. Caleb can’t say the words and she wants to pull them out of him. She wants to shake him by the shoulders until the truth rattles out of him. Now she knows what he won’t say and now she wants two things.