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1.
The first time was a dare.
It happened was before Max left, before William, and their friendship, died.
Things were simpler back then; They could play the awkward experience off as getting caught up in the game, or just obeying the rules. Along with Max and Chloe were some of their other friends. After all, it was difficult to play party games if there wasn’t much of a party.
They were all huddled around a bottle in the middle of Chloe’s room, the house was quiet save for the hushed whispers and occasional giggles between the 5 of them. The whole thing was Chloe’s idea, that’s why they used her house as the sleepover point. She suggested that they should all get together and “play those dumb teenager games” because her and Max were totally real teenagers, and not some dorks who still dress up as pirates and play in the backyard.
The first game of the night had been spin the bottle, but after the first hesitant kiss between Chloe and someone who was not Max Caulfield, the object of her affection and whole reason for Chloe’s elaborate party-game-gay-sleepover plan, they all unanimously agreed to play a different game.
Looking back on it, Chloe realized that maybe suggesting to play spin the bottle in a room full of 5 girls, and only girls, wasn’t that great of an idea. Especially since they were all probably (unfortunately) straight as a board.
After the failure of spin the bottle Max had suggested they modify it to where instead of having to kiss the person it landed on, whoever spun got to ask them truth or dare. And so, the second game was created.
Chloe spun the bottle last and had to suffer through everyone else’s boring questions and answers. She knew she should probably seem a little more interested in the whole ordeal since it was her party, but other than one of the girls admitting to not being a virgin, which was whoa, the whole game was shit.
Then someone’s spin landed on her.
“Chloe, truth or dare?”
“Huh?” Chloe sat up straighter in surprise, “My turn?”
“Were you even paying attention? Pick one!” The girl responded as the others laughed.
She could feel Max’s gaze on her face from her spot sat beside her, making her extremely nervous.
“Truth.” Chloe said, wanting so badly to say Dare, but ultimately chickening out.
Perhaps it would have been better to have initially gone with dare, because the girl’s face immediately broke out in a smirk as she leaned in closer. “Is it true you and Max are dating?”
“What?” Chloe’s mouth opened to yell at the girl, but Max beat her to it.
“What kind of question is that?” Max said. “I’m right here…I call for a redo.” She added as an afterthought.
Chloe couldn’t help the heat spreading up her neck and hoped the darkness prevented Max from seeing.
“Fine, whatever.” Now the smirk on the girl’s face was annoying Chloe. “Is it true you’ve kissed a girl?”
“Dude, I just kissed you about 10 minutes ago. So, yeah.” It felt like a cop-out but none of the other girls seemed to bothered by it.
“Max’s turn.” A different girl said, “Go ahead and spin it.”
She watched as her best friend hesitantly reached for the glass coke bottle and spun it with a flick of her wrist. All eyes were focused on it as it spun round and round before landing on Chloe again. Some of the girls scoffed and grumbled at her getting another turn, but all Chloe was paying attention to was the hint of a smile etched on her friend’s lips.
Max looked up at her and Chloe’s eyes shot back up. “Well, you know the drill. Truth or dare?”
Heart in her throat, Chloe steeled her nerves and answered: “Dare.”
A chorus of “Oooo” went around the room, not really helping Chloe’s blushing problem.
“I dare you to kiss me.”
“G-gross, Max.” Play it cool, Chloe, “No way.”
The girl who Chloe kissed earlier scoffed, “You can’t keep skipping out on these, it’s totally disregarding the whole point.”
“Fine, but only for a second.”
“Three seconds minimum.” The annoying girl was taunting her as everyone else laughed.
Max crossed her arms. “Three seconds maximum.” She countered.
And so her best friend leaned forward and pressed their lips together, not giving Chloe enough warning beforehand to close her eyes. Max’s lips were rougher than the other girls who she kissed, but a spark shot through her this time. It was different than kissing a guy, but not in a bad way. Her heartbeat quickly became audible in her ears.
By the time she decided to close her eyes and kiss back, Max had already disconnected their lips and sat back down on the floor.
Chloe’s mouth tingled from their brief kiss, and if she wasn’t feeling hot before, she definitely was after that. She kissed Max. Max had kissed her. And was the one to suggest it in the first place.
“Damn Chloe, sure you aren’t gay?” That girl was getting really obnoxious. “Kissing two girls in one night?”
“I didn’t want to kiss anyone, in case you forgot, neither of those were my choice,” Sure, she was lying, but they didn’t have to know that, “You know what, I think this party is over, you should go.”
“Chloe, stop, they were just kidding…” Max rested a hand on her shoulder in comfort.
“Maybe you should go too then, since everyone is so concerned with my sexuality.” Her mouth felt like it was filled with ash, and a deep sense of panic washed over her just thinking about any of them figuring out her secret.
Friends kissing each other at parties was all fine and normal until one of them started to enjoy it, and she didn’t want to be the one to make everyone uncomfortable.
“I’m fucking straight.” She stood up and opened the door to her room. It wasn’t that late, only around 6 pm, so she didn’t feel too bad about kicking everyone out, even if it was from a party she suggested originally.
Max was the last one to stay after all the girls slowly left Chloe’s house. Ever since her best friend’s outburst she seemed to be quieter than normal.
Chloe dreaded having to face her the next day.
2.
The second time it happened was a mistake.
Rain pounded against the window in Chloe’s room. Why did it always rain when people died? She thought that it only happened in movies, sad people standing around a casket during a funeral as rain fell to the Earth. It was poetic. It was stupid.
Her dad was gone. Chloe replayed the morning over and over in her head, replayed that whole day, thinking she could have stopped it from happening. Part of her knew it wasn’t good to think like that, but the majority of her couldn’t stop it.
She had always been two steps away from falling off the edge. Maybe this would be the final push that she needed. Far away she could hear a knock on her bedroom door, but couldn’t bring herself to answer because of the iron grip wrapped around her throat.
“Hey…” It was Max’s voice as she opened the door.
Chloe wiped her face on her jacket sleeve, trying to seem as if she had a semblance of composure. “Why are you here?”
“I’m...your friend? Chloe, I am so sorry-”
“Shut up.” She was standing now, facing Max and letting her emotions get the best of her again. “You’re leaving. Leaving me. After my dad just…”
“Please don’t say it.” Max hugged her tense body. “Can we just pretend none of this has happened.”
Chloe knew it was stupid. Tomorrow Max would be gone, forever, and her dad would never come back again. She wouldn’t ever be able to see his warm smile, or feel his comforting arms wrapped around her. He would never see her when she grew up. He would never see her mom, wouldn’t be there to comfort them as they both grieved.
She struggled to breathe, not wanting to cry on Max’s shoulder. A shudder of a breath passed between her lips. “Okay.” Chloe broke away from Max and turned to sit on her bed, eyes cast down. “Hide my feelings, got it. It’s what I do best.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Max sat next to her, why did she keep insisting on getting so close to her? “Can we have one last good memory together, I don’t want us to end on a bad note.”
A sharp laugh escaped before Chloe could stop it. “My dad is dead.”
Max was quiet. Good, she didn’t have anything else to say to that. No more bullshit attempts to make it seemed like she cared about Chloe. Only the sound of the rain beating against the window could be heard. It was out in the open now, the confession making it final.
Tears slid down her face and she brushed them away quickly. She knew Max was looking at her, desperately wanting her to look back.
“I feel so bad, Max.” She confessed. The energy to appear withdrawn was gone, leaving an aching hole in her heart no matter how hard she tried to pretend she didn’t have one.
Max shifted on the bed. “I know I can’t make you feel better.” It was a grim confession.
Chloe laughed quietly, tears still falling. She didn’t want to say that Max was the only one who could, not now. She couldn’t say that now that Max is leaving. It would hurt to have it in the open, both herself and Max didn’t need to hear that thought of hers.
“No.” Chloe forced herself to make the words come out, “You can’t.” Nobody can.
The two of them sat on the bed together, a thick silence in the room. Max no longer looked towards her, and of course the tears only stopped now that the attention was off her face.
“You should leave. I wouldn’t want you to have to rush while packing.” Chloe let out a sharp sigh and wiped her hands on her jeans. It was time to move on.
Max nodded and stood up, as if she was moving to exit the bedroom. Chloe felt like her heart was clenching in her chest at the sight of her best friend leaving, even if she was the one who essentially threw her out.
The girl stopped. With bated breath Chloe seemed to watch through someone else’s eyes as Max walked back over and knelt in front of her, gently cradling Chloe’s face to make her look into her eyes.
Don’t do this to me, Chloe thought desperately, don’t hurt me anymore than you have to.
Why couldn’t Max hear her thoughts?
They kissed. Or rather, Max pressed herself forward tentatively and captured the other girl’s lips against her own. It was different than their first kiss, back at that sleepover in front of other people.
This time it was lonely.
Chloe didn’t push her away, even as her heart was continuing to break, she needed the moment of the kiss to erase her memory of her dad.
My dad is dead. She fought against the thought and grabbed the back of Max’s neck to pull her closer. Her tongue slid against the girl’s bottom lip, asking for entrance. Chloe’s face felt hot from the connection, doubly so when she heard the sound of the quiet groan that came from the other girl.
My dad is dead. It was harder to block the thoughts, they pounded against her head as she tried to forget, tried to bask in the moment of being close to Max. Fingers grasped on her hair now, and at the gentle pull from Max, Chloe pulled back completely. Max is leaving me, too.
Her friends eyes were closed, fingers still tangled in Chloe’s hair. Max leaned forward to bump their foreheads together.
“I’ll text you, every day.” She assured Chloe. “We’ll call on the weekends. I’ll show you all my pictures, tell you all the stories about Seattle. I promise.”
Chloe swallowed, her throat beginning to feel tight again with the taste of Max still on her lips.
“I trust you.” Chloe said.
Her dad was dead and Max was leaving, but for half a second, Chloe was fine.
3.
The third time was Chloe’s dare.
She wondered if Max remembers that first time the two of them kissed. It wasn’t Chloe’s first kiss after all, so why should it have been Max’s?
It didn’t matter, she supposed, the past was the past and she was all about living in the moment now. Even if her time-manipulating best friend was caught up in weird supernatural drama.
The past few days were the best she’s had since Rachel left, all due to Max. She felt high, and not in the way she usually was, more playful and upbeat.
That was probably the reason why she dared Max to kiss her. Probably.
“What?” Max seemed taken aback.
“I double dare you. Kiss me now.” Confidence radiated from every movement she made, surprising even herself at how bold she was being. Rachel had been into it, so why shouldn’t Max be, right?
Not even a second passed before Max jolted forward and clumsily kissed her directly on the mouth. And as quickly as it happened, she moved back, eyes wide.
She thought back to the last time they kissed, in the wake of her father’s death. This kiss was eons quicker than that time, when they were holding onto each other like a lifeline.
It was barely enough to give Chloe a feel of what happened. And no matter how hard she tried to deny it, deep down Chloe knew some part of her craved to feel Max.
“Damn, you’re hardcore, Max!” Chloe was impressed, it seemed she wasn’t the only bold one nowadays. Though, some part of her wondered if Max used her rewind power at all during their conversation that led up to the kiss. “Now I can text Warren and tell him he doesn’t stand a chance...unless he’s into girl-on-girl action.”
“You are such a dork.” Max laughed. She seemed relaxed. Chloe couldn’t shake the thought of seeing Max raising her hand to rewind time and do it over again.
The old Max would have been at least a little embarrassed, but it seemed to Chloe that the magic powers made Max more suave than she originally let on. Still not as much as herself though, of course.
But what did it say about her that Max was the one to initiate all three of their kisses so far? Not that I’m expecting any future kisses, of course…
She winked at Max and sauntered over to lay on her bed, quickly grabbing something within reach to smoke. Anything to obscure the love-sick smile that seemed impossible to wipe off her face.
Max shuffled through the clothes in the closet, stopping on the red, tattered flannel that was once Rachel’s. Chloe watched her face as Max ran her fingers over the shirt, trying to read her emotions and thoughts.
It was hard to think of Rachel now. She was her first girlfriend, her first love. That part of her, and those memories, would never leave her.
She took another drag of her cigarette, bumping it against the ashtray afterwards.
“Go ahead and change, I’ll look away.” Chloe told her. “I promise.”
Some twisted part of her mind wanted to break that promise, like how Max promised to text her everyday and lied. But as Max stripped off her shirt and began to pull Rachel Amber’s old shirt over her body, all thoughts left her mind.
A heated blush spread across her cheeks and she forgot to look away, she watched her the entire time. When Max turned around fully dressed, she playfully scowled at the look on Chloe’s face.
“Yeah, sure.” She teased. “You totally looked away.”
“Pssh, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” Especially because you’re wearing her clothes. Chloe retorted, scratching the back of her neck and feeling thankful for her quick wit.
“Oh, I know.” Max continued. “Before I rewound time, we already had sex right where you’re laying.”
She said it with such seriousness, Chloe believed her. Hell, if she had rewinding powers, she would have sex with countless people. But that didn’t stop her from getting hot all over again, choking on the smoke in the air.
Chloe put out her cigarette and got off the bed. For the first time since she lost her virginity, she felt nervous.
“Relax, that didn’t happen.” Max laughed at the look on her face, not knowing that Chloe would be completely on board if it were to actually happen.
“Yeah, of course.” She sputtered out. “That would never happen.”
Max looked at her like she could see right through her lie.
4.
The fourth time it was the end of the world.
Like, buildings failing, people dying, terrifying supernatural storm end of the world. Not some kind of emotional driven forest burning like her last experience with “the end of the world.” Chloe knew she was going to die today. She didn’t want it to happen like this. Max didn’t want it to happen like this.
"There has to be some way we can stop this." Max was frantic, her hands shaking as she paced back and forth near the bench. "Some detail I missed...something way far back that I need to get to..."
"Max, stop." Chloe was oddly calm. This was her turn to reassure the only person in the world who could make her feel like life was worth living. "It's me. It has to be me."
"No..."
"You know it's true, I know it's true." She took a deep breath. "It's time. Save yourself, and let me die."
"No way, I won't accept that." She was almost yelling. The storm was louder now, dark gray clouds roiling above and raining down on the two of them. They were alone up on the top of the hill. It felt like they were alone in the world. "I'm going back, I'll redo it, I'll redo it as many times as I need to-"
Chloe grabbed the hand that was rising in the air before it could turn back time. She tried to get Max to look her in the eyes, but the other girl was shaking her head, visibly on the verge of breaking down. If Chloe was going to die here she wanted Max to see her, really see her, one last time. For her whole life people had walked all over her, taking advantage of her to the point where she didn't trust anyone. At some point she viewed Max in that same way. But not anymore. Max was her everything.
"God, don't make this harder than it needs to be." Chloe said. The wind was viciously tearing at the trees now, branches and leaves swirling in the wind.
Looking at the unshed tears in Max's eyes made the lump in her throat rise. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. I'm such a hypocrite for saying that before I do this. The hand that was held in her own stopped shaking as she released it. Without skipping a beat, Chloe brought both hands back up to Max's face and kissed her with all the pent up feelings she had held onto since they were ten years old.
Finally, for once in her life, she could kiss Max without a care in the world. And for a few seconds everything felt right again. The pounding in her ears was drowned out by the gentle sighs that came from Max. Chloe pulled back an inch and looked into her eyes. The tears seemed to have finally broke free and were slowly streaking down the younger girls cheeks. Her thumb brushed them away as quick as they came, cradling her face in her hands with all the love she could muster.
Chloe couldn't help but laugh at her luck. Here was the woman she loved, and they were only able to be together for a few moments. A bittersweet ending. The words she wanted to say so badly just couldn't come out, so she shook her head and kissed her one last time, lingering as long as she could.
Max didn't fight it any longer, but she held Chloe's hand clenched tight in her own, watching the storm hit the coast shore. Side by side, like nobody else mattered, they waited for the storm to destroy everything they knew.
5.
The fifth time was only the beginning.
Of course, the end of the world did happen. Arcadia Bay was destroyed. Every house and store and gas station, everything was wiped out as if the town inhabitants weren’t roaming the streets a few hours beforehand.
The two of them walked by the Two Whales Diner, their hands clasped together loosely to give the illusion of comfort. It was hard to feel comforted when she was only a few feet away from where her mom could have been lying dead on the ground.
It didn’t bother her, not like before, when her father died. Perhaps that feeling alone bothered her, she knew she should feel something. Sad, or angry, or something typical of herself. Yet all she felt was ease. Everything was over now.
“We should get out of here.” Max stepped over another broken stair from the outside of the building, gently pulling Chloe behind her in the direction of the street. “And make sure help will be sent as soon as possible.”
Chloe didn’t have to look at her face to know the regret she felt, the guilt. She couldn't take that pain away, she wouldn't even try as it would make the situation worse. All they could do was keep moving forward.
The truck was parked hastily a few feet away, and Chloe struggled with her shaking hands as she tried to fit the key in the ignition. Fortunately the truck rumbled to life at the first turn, probably the only lucky thing to happen to her today. Without a last glance back, they took off towards their next destination.
Max stared out the window, elbow resting on the car door with her chin held in her palm. Occasionally Chloe heard the other girl inhale sharply at the sights outside in Arcadia Bay. Or what was left of what they knew the town to be.
Even though they were in the only moving car on the road, she drove cautiously. Debris and various trash littered the street that she had to swerve around frequently. Neither of the girls were in any hurry to speak, but eventually Max slid her hand back over into Chloe's.
They must have drove around for hours before finally reaching the edge of where the storm hit. As soon as the road evened back out and the trees seemed undamaged and normal, Max pulled out her phone and texted her parents.
Chloe continued driving, and tried not to think about the fact that all of the people she had in her phone were either dead or hurt. And they just left them there. Her grip on the steering wheel tightened, and so did the hand that was held by Max. The other girl gave it a squeeze and smiled when she looked over.
"My parents are going to meet us halfway somewhere." She said. Chloe could sense the weight being lifted from the girls shoulders. "I guess I should call the police now as well."
It was impossible for the outside world to not know what had happened, but they called the nearest station regardless. Max kept a steady voice the whole time and answered questions for what felt like hours, but was most likely only a few minutes.
The truck came to an easy stop as Chloe pulled over to the side of the road to park. She listened to her friend explain their situation to the police officer, leaving out the supernatural details of course.
Max hung up the phone later on and unbuckled her seat belt to turn and face Chloe. They relaxed in the comfortable silence again.
"So..." Max started. "It finally happened."
"Yeah." Chloe said. "The big freaky storm wasn't a joke, who would have thought?"
"That, and you kissed me this time."
Oh, She realized suddenly. We're talking about that now.
Chloe sheepishly grinned and fiddled with the hair poking out from her beanie. "Considering that I was expecting to die, I wanted to get one more in, you know?" She swallowed nervously. Should she have said it wasn't serious? Or that it didn't have to mean anything?
Perhaps she was relieved when all Max did was lightly laugh.
"You don't have to be so nervous." Max moved closer, almost leaning over the center console at this point. "If you're down, I'd like to leave Arcadia Bay behind us. We can move past everything that happened there."
Chloe wasn't sure how she felt about the steely, cold gaze that was on her friends face now. Nevertheless, she decided it wasn't her business how Max wanted to deal with her guilt. God knows she wasn't one to comment on bad coping methods. Plus, Chloe was definitely on board with talking about something that wasn't death or depressing shit, for once in her life.
"Definitely, dude." She replied. "Totally cool with that."
"Chloe," Max asked, a determined look in her eyes. She was closer again, still. "Can I kiss you again?"
As soon as the question left her mouth Chloe smiled. Or maybe she had been smiling for awhile now and didn't realize it.
"Duh, you don't even have to ask."
They met each other halfway, Max's hand coming up to rest right under Chloe's jaw. She was warm, like home, and tasted a bit like the salty tears that had been running down her face earlier. The girl sighed against her and moved her body to be closer to Chloe's, sliding her arms around her neck and deepening their kiss. It had been a long day, a long week, a long life, but it all felt worth it now.
She felt Max's lips upturn in a smile , and Chloe nipped her bottom lip before running her tongue across the sensitive flesh. The front seat of a pickup truck was not the most comfortable place to make out, though Chloe would be lying if she said it was her first time. So she pulled back an inch, placing an open hand on Max's chest when the girl tried to lean forward to reconnect their lips.
"As much as I'd love to keep going, we should probably find someplace to stay for the night."
Max pouted, her bottom lip poking out to showcase the faint mark Chloe left.
Without too much more complaining from the other girl, Chloe started the truck up again and they took off to head up North, for their future. They didn't have a plan and they didn't have hardly any money, but they still had each other. And as far as Chloe was concerned, that was a hell of a lot better than nothing.
With the girl she loved next to her she felt like anything was possible.