Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I remember,

I wish I could forget

What you did last December

You left my heart a mess.

- Ariana Grande (& George Michael), Last Christmas

~ The Present: 22nd December 2018 ~

“Are you sure Alec won’t mind?” Magnus asked for what had to be the fourth time that morning as he followed Izzy inside the apartment she and Alec shared.

“When has Alec ever said no to you?” Izzy threw over her shoulder with a wink as she opened Alec’s bedroom door and sauntered in.

“Well, there was that whole morning after the Yule Ball fiasco,” Magnus muttered to himself, dragging his feet as he followed Izzy.

“Besides,” Izzy said as she flopped down on Alec’s bed apparently oblivious to Magnus’ dark comments, “You and I both know, Alec’s the only person who has an early enough edition of Gray’s Anatomy to feature the illustrations you need.”

“They’re too valuable for any libraries to stock before about the 18th edition,” Magnus agreed with a sigh as he approached Alec’s bookshelves brushing his fingers lightly over the soft leather spine, tracing the gilded letters which identified it as a hallowed second edition.

“You said you’ve tried every other option, Magnus, and your essay is due in tonight. It’s not like you can just call and ask him. Even if by some miracle he isn’t still in the remote mountain villages in Timor-Leste then he’ll be in transit. You know as well as I do that any time he gets funded flights it means he’s on a stopping all stations round the world tour of obscure airports. Even if you managed to get a message to him, there’s no guarantee he’d be able to get an answer back in time.”

“I know,” Magnus sighed easing the book gently out from between its neighbours and cradling it close to his chest. He wanted Alec home but he also half-dreaded the idea that the tension that had grown like a wedge between them might still be there. “Thank you, Isabelle. I guess I’d better go finish my essay. You’ll let me know if you hear from him?”

“Of course! Hopefully this time he’ll remember to let us know before he boards the last plane so we can meet him at the airport, I know Max is dying to use the latest sign he’s made.”

Magnus laughed, thinking of Max’s ever-expanding stack of ‘Welcome Home Alec’ signs. At this point, they’d need to bring everyone they knew in order to hold up even half of them.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

[Throughout human history there have been many iterations of the symbol which represents the human heart. The first non-medical European illustration of the heart is thought to be a drawing accompanying the medieval French poem Le Roman De La Poire circa 1255 however it was not until the early 1500s that the familiar shape made its appearance...

...but why does this symbol bear so little resemblance to the human anatomy it represents? There are plenty of theories, the most prominent one being that most of our ‘knowledge’ of human anatomy in the 13th and 14th centuries was based on animal biology, in particular reptiles, which much more closely resemble the familiar scalloped shape of the heart icon. The ability of early physicians to view or study the human body was fiercely regulated and controlled - with many unable to view a single dissection let alone partake in the kind of labs that are a standard part of modern medical tuition. As such, Henry Gray’s seminal work Gray’s Anatomy, first published in 1858, was a turning point in the depiction of the human heart…]

Magnus' fingers stilled on his keyboard as he glanced again at the book he’d brought back to his apartment almost four hours earlier. It was ridiculous but he still hadn’t opened it. The thing was, he hadn’t told Izzy the whole truth. Yes, this essay was for his History of Medicine subject and accounted for almost a third of his grade but it was also final piece of his application to join Médecins Sans Frontières’ new project, working in the new hospital Alec had spent the past year helping local engineers design and build. Alec would be going back for another whole year to support the development of sustainable water supply for the school and the rest of the village. Following your best friend halfway around the world was madness, especially when things had never been quite the same between them since last year’s Yule Ball.

~ Morning After the Yule Balle: 19th December 2017 ~

Magnus came to slowly, groaning as he peeled gritty eyes open just long enough to take in the couch and apartment around him before squeezing them shut again. It wasn’t the first time since becoming friends with the Lightwoods three years earlier that he’d woken up on their sofa but the blinding headache was new. So was the fact that he couldn’t for the life of him remember how he’d gotten back here. He barely remembered any of the Yule Ball. Burying his head further in the soft pillows Magnus vowed never to mix first-generation antihistamines and alcohol again.  

“Breakfast?”

Magnus’ eyes snapped open his lips curling at the corners as he took in the sight of Alec setting a breakfast tray on the coffee table beside him. The man really was an angel sometimes.

“I figured you’d need something to help wash down the aspirin,” Alec said, smiling back as he reached over and placed two pills on Magnus’ palm, following it with a glass of water.

“My hero,” Magnus said, downing the tablets and finally tearing his eyes from Alec and focusing on the food in front of him. “You made me blueberry pancakes, Alexander? That’s not exactly standard hangover fare. If you were anyone else I’d think you were trying to seduce me with your culinary skills.”

Magnus grinned at the way Alec’s cheeks heated at the suggestion and he became suddenly fascinated with his boots. Whatever the cause, Magnus wasn’t complaining - in fact, he almost moaned as he took that first blissful bite of pancake. Alec really would make an excellent husband to someone one of these days. Too bad there wasn’t any handy mistletoe or he might...Magnus’ thoughts ground to a sudden halt as he suddenly remembered kissing someone under the mistletoe last night at the ball. It hadn’t been a typical crappy holiday season hook-up either, it had been incredible. He found himself describing it to Alec as he ate: the way her lips had felt against his, passionate and wild yet somehow also tender as if she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to devour Magnus or worship him. The way her fingers had tightened in his hair, tugging roughly to adjust the angle of his head, deepening the kiss, only for those same clever fingers to send shivers of pure pleasure as they massaged away any last traces of pain. The worst part was, despite remembering every tiny detail of the kiss, he had no memory of the person who’d done the kissing.

“Please Alec, you were there last night you have to help me find her!” Magnus said, looking up beseechingly at his best friend only to realise something was wrong.

At some point during his monologue, the blushing, solicitous angel who’d made him breakfast had been replaced by a stone statue.

“You remember the kiss but don’t remember the-the-the person, at all?” Alec asked harshly his fists clenching at his sides.

Magnus flinched, feeling suddenly ashamed even though he didn’t know why it was such a big deal to Alec if Magnus’ memory had decided to defy logic. Before he’d had a chance to ask, Alec had turned away, his shoulders tense as he’d gathered up the remnants of Magnus’ now cold breakfast.

Tray in hand he’d barely looked at Magnus as he’d apologised, “I can’t do this, Magnus. I-I-I thought -” Alec sighed sounding frustrated but resigned. “I’ve got that application for Engineers Without Borders to finish.”

Magnus tried to get up and follow him into the kitchen but the world still spun horribly when he attempted to stand and he was forced to sit again so he didn’t fall down. The last thing he needed was for an already grumpy Alec to have to bandage his head when he split it open on the sharp corner of his coffee table. Impatiently, he waited for Alec to reappear, which took considerably longer than Magnus had expected.

When at least he came out he headed straight for the door his bag already slung over his shoulder giving every appearance of intending to leave without another word.

“Alec?” Magnus called out after him, wishing his head would stop pounding long enough for him to figure out whatever this was.

Alec turned, his hand resting on the door handle still refusing to meet Magnus’ eyes. “I have to go. Feel free to stay as long as you need.” And then he walked out, closing the door firmly behind him.

Magnus had waited, half expecting at any moment that his best friend would come back and tell him what exactly he’d said that upset him so much. After over an hour, Magnus had to accept the unwelcome fact that Alec wasn’t coming back. He wasn’t answering any of Magnus’ messages either. He knew he was being selfish, knew how important that application was to Alec even though the thought of them being on opposite sides of the globe sounded miserable to Magnus all of a sudden. It would be the first time in almost three years since Izzy and Magnus had met on their first day of med school that they’d have to go more than a few weeks without seeing one another. At present, barely a day went past that they didn’t speak, one way or another, whether it was IM, in person or notes passed via Izzy.

Despite Alec’s continued refusal to discuss anything about the Yule Ball, Magnus had kept looking - amazed to discover that despite there having been hundreds of people at the ball, somehow no one had seen Magnus spending time with any women other than Dot, Cat and Izzy and he was absolutely certain it hadn’t been any of them. He’d even tried to convince the photographer to go through their shots from last night only to discover to that the man was crazy enough to still be using film and hadn’t had time to get the negatives developed yet. Rolling his eyes at the pretentiousness of art students in general, Magnus had hunted on in vain.

~ The Present: 22nd December 2018 ~

Magnus sighed, running his fingers over the soft leather cover of Gray’s Anatomy. He could still remember the first time Alec had shown it to him. It had been a gift from his grandfather on his mother’s side, the same one that was responsible for Alec’s middle name being ‘Gideon’. He’d apparently been convinced, despite Alec’s complete lack of interest in medicine, that book that had been in their family for generations would inspire Alec to become the next doctor in the family. The meticulous technical drawings the book was famous had inspired him just not to follow in his grandfather’s footsteps. He’d taken his love of the book’s illustrations and developed a fascination for cartography, drafting and surveying, finally settling on a career in engineering. Izzy had told Magnus that Alec had offered her the book when she’d first set her heart on doing medicine but she’d knew she’d never love it the way Alec did. She wanted the modern textbooks, the ones filled with gory colour photographs of real bodies, not the elegant etchings done over a hundred and fifty years earlier.

Magnus, by contrast, had happily indulged Alec’s passion and they’d spent hours pouring through the book together over the years every time Magnus had happened to need to reference one or other of the illustrations as he learnt about the body’s various structures and systems. As much as he’d adored it when Alec bought him a modern copy of Gray’s Anatomy for his birthday he always defaulted back to Alec’s copy with its incredible single-colour woodcut illustrations whenever he could. The text might mostly have become redundant has as medical knowledge changed fundamentally and rapidly over the past century but the illustrations were as important now as they’d ever been.  

He missed Alec. Magnus hadn’t realised how much he’d relied on his presence until his absence left a gaping hole in his life. It’s been almost a year and Alec is still the first person he wants to tell whenever anything happens. He might finally have stopped getting his phone out and staring out compose texts he can’t send but it still aches everytime he remembers Alec’s sat-phone is for emergencies only. Going from talking every day to exchanging infrequent emails had felt worse than some of his breakups. Then again, for the last few years, he’s always had Alec there helping him pick up the pieces whenever a relationship inevitably failed. He’d always scoffed at the adage ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ but it’s been 355 days since Alec left and he’s sitting at his desk hours before an important assignment is due incapable of completing it because he doesn’t want to open a book that would remind him too much of the man he wants, more than anything else, this Christmas. Too bad he felt certain Alec didn’t feel the same way about him.

Sighing, Magnus opened the cover and scanned the index of illustrations for the one he was looking for. There, under the heading ‘Heart’, the illustration he’d looked everywhere for: ‘Circulation of Blood in an Adult’ directing him to page six hundred and twenty-nine. Picking up the tome Magnus started at the middle and skimmed gently through the pages, slowing when he finally reached the six-hundreds to turn each individual page so as not to miss it. Magnus nearly dropped the book in surprise when he turned the final page and a colour photograph slides out onto the desk.

A single glance is enough to make him forget Gray’s Anatomy, forget the essay he has only hours left to finish and the application he needs to ace.

On the desk in front of him is a photograph from last year’s Yule Ball. A photo of him and Alec wrapped tightly in one another’s arms, kissing under the mistletoe.

Chapter Text

I confess,

I loved you more than I let on
but you weren’t ready for it
and I wasn’t going to pour myself
into hands that couldn’t hold me

- Lauren Eden, Of Yesteryear

~ The Present: 22nd December 2018 ~

Having seen the photo, Magnus wonders how he could possibly have forgotten. He’s spent an entire year comparing every kiss he shared to this one, like Prince Charming with his stupid glass slipper, finding them woefully disappointing by contrast. The thing was, Magnus was so tall himself it hadn’t occurred to him why the angle always felt off - he could see Alec's hand tipping his head back just that tiny bit and remembered the shiver of pleasure that had wracked through him at the way their lips fit together. God, he was such an idiot! How could he have ignored what was right in front of him all this time? And why hadn’t Alec said something? But as soon as that thought occurred to him, he knew exactly why.

Who in their right mind would confess when the object of their affection not only didn’t remember them but had also somehow misgendered them in the process. Magnus felt physically ill as their conversation the next morning replayed in his head with full 5.1 surround sound, complete with high definition technicolour images of Alec’s transformation from breakfast baring angel to the stony-faced statue he’d been by the time he left the apartment. The fact Alec had hidden the photo here, in his most treasured book under the heading ‘Heart’ made the tears that had welled up unnoticed spill out over his cheeks.

With shaking fingers Magnus picked the photo up off the desk, the knife in his heart twisting as he realised they were both smiling as they kissed. Steeling himself, he flipped the photo drawing in a sharp breath as he saw the inscription in Alec’s familiar all-caps handwriting and in smaller text printed directly onto the photo, the photographer's details.

‘A NIGHT TO REMEMBER’
MAGNUS BANE & ALEC LIGHTWOOD
YULE BALL 18TH DEC 2017

PHOTOGRAPHER: J. GHAMSARI  - EDITION: 1/1 - PRINTED: 24TH DEC 2017

He’d thought nothing could make this situation worse, but one glance at the date the photo had been printed made Magnus want the ground to open beneath his feet to transport him straight to hell. Alec had tried to tell him and Magnus had unintentionally broken his heart a second time instead. By the time Magnus had realised his mistake, Alec had already left the country.

~ December 24th, 2017 ~

Magnus groaned when he heard the doorbell, it would probably be carollers but as the only person home the night before Christmas Magnus had promised his housemates he wouldn’t let any last minute parcels go unsigned for. Snatching his shirt up from where it lay discarded beside the sofa and buttoning it haphazardly Magnus made his way down the long passage to the front door, stunned to see it was Alec standing on the sill, a thick manilla envelope clasped in one hand.

“Alec, what are you doing here? I thought you would have gone back home for what’s left of the holidays,” Magnus said noticing the way Alec’s eyes lingered on his exposed chest a beat longer than they usually would before darting away.

“It’s - uh, it’s about last week,” Alec paused, threading his fingers roughly through his hair in that familiar tell of mental agitation. “Look, you’ve got every reason to be mad at me. The next morning, after the Yule Ball - I know I should have-”

“Allowed me to drag you halfway ‘round NYU on a wild goose chase when neither of us had any idea who we were looking for?” Magnus interrupted smoothly, laughing softly. “I should never have asked, Alec, I know how important getting that internship application in was to you. Besides, it doesn’t matter now anyway.”

“It doesn’t?” Alec asked roughly, his gaze piercing as he froze in place.

“Surely you know me better than to think I’d let it rest until I found out, Alexander?”

“You - you’ve remembered?” Alec asked, looking suddenly paler.

“Not exactly. But Camille - you remember her from the presentation night for the Medical Prize, don’t you? She found out I was looking for her and admitted she’d been my mysterious stranger all along. Apparently, my crush wasn’t so unrequited after all. So you see, it’s all worked out. She’s coming around later tonight if you wanted to stay and meet her?”

“No.”

Magnus’ head snapped back, surprised by the vehemence in that single word but before he had a chance to do more than raise an eyebrow, Alec had continued.

“I mean, I’d be interrupting your evening plans. I should let you -” Alec paused again, his teeth sinking into his lip almost hard enough to draw blood. “I have to go. Merry Christmas, Magnus.”

“Wait, Alec!” Magnus called out, hating this sudden chill between them as Alec turned away. “Surely you didn’t just come here to apologise. You should stay, have a drink with me. It is Christmas after all.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Well, can you at least tell me when we’re catching up next?” Magnus asked, suddenly feeling the need to make sure he hadn’t somehow irrevocably ruined the friendship without even realising it. “I know you had planned to spend Christmas and New Year's Eve with your family but seeing as you’re still here...”

“Actually, I, um. I got offered the internship with Engineers Without Borders,” Alec muttered, shifting his feet.

“Alexander! That’s fantastic, now you have to come in and have a drink with me, tell me all about it. Where they’re sending you, for how long - I want to know everything!” Instinctively Magnus had reached out, tugging on the arm of Alec’s long black coat. It hurt when instead of smiling Alec pulled away.

“I fly out January 1st. I’ll be gone all year. It’s - I’ll be living in one of the mountain villages in Timor-Leste, they’ve got a new project to build a hospital there and if things go well, I can stay to work on securing the town’s water supply the year after. They said they’d try and get me back in time for next Christmas. So I - um - I have to go. You know, packing and everything.”

Every other time Alec’s said anything about the project his passion had been radiant, which meant these clipped sentences and flat tone had to be Magnus’ fault. Magnus cursed the Yule Ball, cursed the fact he couldn’t even abandon his plans with Camille because he hadn’t thought to get her number. Cursed the fact he was meant to be going away with Cat and Ragnor to have New Year's Eve at Cat’s family’s Chalet. So this was it? Alec was leaving the country in a few days for an entire year and Magnus wouldn’t get to see him again till next Christmas?

“At least let me take you out to the airport, Alec,” Magnus said, throwing caution to the wind and jettisoning his New Year's plans.

“But-” Alec began, displaying that adorable furrowed brow of his.

“Nothing is more important than seeing my best friend off on the trip of a lifetime,” Magnus assured him. “I’ll be at that airport whether you let me drive you or not. I’m not above blackmailing Izzy into telling me so you may as well just accept it.”

Alec’s rueful smile was like sunshine, the man he recognised peeking out from behind the rigid facade he was putting up.

“You really want to get up at six in the morning just to see me off at the gate?” Alec asked, raising a challenging eyebrow.

“I’ll be on your doorstep at five,” Magnus shot back, his lips automatically curling to match Alec’s.

“If you’re late I’m leaving without you,” Alec threatened sliding back into their familiar banter without even seeming to realise he was doing it.

“Okay.”

“Okay. You’re on.” Alec nodded, holding Magnus’ gaze before saying softly, “Merry Christmas, Magnus.”

“Merry Christmas, Alexander.”

~ The Present: 22nd December 2018 ~

Magnus needed a drink.

His crush on Camille had been madness and she’d played him for the fool he was. She’d strung him along for almost 3 weeks after ‘confessing’ to being his mysterious mistletoe kiss. She’d made a game out of kissing him everywhere except his lips, correctly assuming that he’d realise the minute their lips met that something was off. He’d been so caught up in wanting it to be her, wanting to believe that she felt the way he did about her. But even she’d tired of that game eventually, laughing at his naivety when she’d finally revealed she hadn’t even noticed him at the Yule Ball, she’d just thought it would be fun to see how long she could string him along because surely the top medical student couldn’t be that stupid? Well, apparently he was. He’d spilled the whole humiliating affair out in one of his emails to Alec. It makes perfect sense now that Alec had barely referenced the whole mess when he’d finally replied over a week later. Then again, it wasn’t like Alec had super reliable internet at the best of times, so it could also be that Magnus was projecting.

Getting up, Magnus paced over to the drinks cart, skipping his usual ice and pouring whiskey liberally into the waiting tumbler. Tossing it back in a single swallow Magnus tried to figure out what to do. It’s been a whole year since that photograph was taken, it’d hardly be surprising if the intervening time had been enough to thoroughly destroy whatever feelings Alec might once have had for him. Did he really want to risk destroying their friendship a second time?

Yes.

The answer was immediate. He was in love with Alexander Lightwood and he had to know if there was any chance to make this work. Hell, he’d been prepared to follow the man to the other side of the world without the tiniest shred of real evidence to justify his hopes, now at least he knew it was possible. There had been real passion in that kiss and tenderness in the breakfast he’d made for him the next morning. He just hoped Alec was willing to give him a chance to show just how much he wanted that future.

Chapter Text

So I would choose to be with you
That’s if the choice was mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have my heart to break.

- Billy Joel, And So it Goes

~ 24th December 2018 ~

It’s been two days since he found the photograph.

He finished the essay, got the application in on time, even managed to get through an intimidatingly difficult face-to-face interview because apparently, Médecins Sans Frontières don’t mess around. Not when they have a hospital to fill and Christmas is breathing down their necks like a dragon ready to snatch away all their applicants, taking them back to their families all around the country. Magnus wants that internship. He needs that internship. It’s been two days and that’s the only plan he can come up with; getting on a plane out to a mountain village on the other side of the globe because the week off Alec gets back in New York can’t possibly be enough for him to convince him they should be more than just best friends. He’s woken up to random sales emails more times than he can count because he’s terrified of missing a message from Alec saying when he’s flying in. He doesn’t even allow himself to contemplate the idea that Alec isn’t actually required to let him know. Izzy will message him too, Magnus reasons.

He and Izzy are still friends, even though they’ll never be as close as he is with Alec. Which, thinking about it, should have been his first warning sign that he wanted Alec to be more than just his best friend. Magnus had met Izzy on her first day of medical school. Having convinced Cat that the flu was a perfectly valid reason not to take part in the annual passing on of wisdom from those who’d survived their first year to the ones just about to start it, Magnus had been left to do the honours in her place. Having himself waited years and built a successful club just to be able to afford med school Magnus hadn’t expected to have anything in common with these four fresh recruits three of whom barely looked old enough to have finished high school. However, he’d quickly discovered that Isabelle Lightwood, despite being young, was nothing like he’d expected. Isabelle might look like a model and be capable of just about anything in 5-inch heels but she’s also a genius who can discuss cutting-edge gene therapy and contrast decomposition theories as smoothly and knowledgeably as half their lecturers. She might technically be a year behind him but she’s proven to be an exceptional study partner and friend. Which, incidentally, was how he met Alec. Izzy had decided that the perfect counterbalance to a week’s hard study was a party and Magnus, never one to turn down an invitation from people he liked, hadn’t even bothered asking if there was a particular occasion - assuming, incorrectly, that the occasion was quite simply: they needed a break. He’d heard all about Izzy’s brothers, he just hadn’t quite expected to be crashing Alec’s 26th birthday party when he’d followed Izzy’s directions after a quick detour home to change into something more fabulous than what he’d chosen to wear to the library that morning.

After his first disastrous attempt to buy the birthday boy a drink, Magnus had spent a hilarious evening attempting to identify the perfect combination of sweet, sour and the tiniest hint of alcohol to suit Alec’s unique taste buds. They’d both been incredibly drunk by the time Magnus finally hit on the idea of getting the bemused bartender to make a cocktail-sized Wet Pussy shot without the vodka. Alec had been enamoured with it and drunk enough that Magnus had learned Alec was unequivocally and unapologetically gay. However, blatant flirting had failed to produce more than cute confusion and mild stammering and, from what he knew of Alec so far, a short-lived fling didn’t seem like his thing. Besides, Izzy didn’t seem the type to forgive a broken heart in a brother she clearly adored. With that in mind, he’d dragged Jace, Alec and Izzy out for breakfast once the party finally broke up - all of them needing something to soak up the alcohol if they were to have any hope of waking up without a migraine level hangover. Alec and Magnus always seemed to gravitate towards one another at events after that, trading snarky commentary as easily as they discussed books and moral quandaries until it had felt weird for the other one not to be there. Magnus wasn’t blind, he knew his best friend was ridiculously hot, I just never seemed to really matter that much. He’d shoved his attraction down so far into that box he’d almost forgotten about how sharp and immediate that initial attraction had been. They’d both dated other people off and on and it had been hard juggling their friendship amongst the competing tugs of academic and family commitments but somehow they’d always made time even if it was just to grab coffee together once a week. Magnus couldn’t even pinpoint the time when they stopped needing Izzy or one-or-other of the friends there to catch up - it’d just happened. Far from minding or interfering, Izzy seemed pleased that two of her favourite people were such good friends.

Magnus had briefly considered telling Izzy about the photograph he’d found and trying to enlist her help but had ultimately rejected the idea. Alec clearly hadn’t ever told her about their kiss, let alone the photograph so it would hardly be fair to drag her into the middle of it now. If she’d any idea she certainly wouldn’t have gone to such extreme lengths to assist him in his quest to find the mystery woman who’d never really existed. The problem was, with his fling with Camille still tasting like ash in his mouth and Alec taking close to a week to respond to his emails with a single line he’d seen no reason not to keep pouring his energy into chasing the fantasy. He and Izzy had almost died laughing when she’d first suggested he should pull a Prince Charming and set up a kissing booth. It had been ridiculous and destined to lead only to further heartbreak Ragnor and Cat had insisted but there was a fundraiser coming up and Magnus wasn’t about to be caught dead on the dunk-tank so with Izzy by his side and the most enormous bowl of mints he’d ever seen they’d taken his motto of trying everything once to its unfortunate climax. Financially, for the local free medical clinic, it had been a roaring success. It had also been a surprisingly efficient way to eliminate a huge number of potential matches but in every other way, it had been a terrible life choice. He’d felt more even more alone as they’d dismantled the stall and gone their separate ways at the end of the fair. Ragnor took great delight for months afterwards in regaling Magnus with the most embarrassing moments he’d observed and all of the horrible diseases he could have contracted that day. Cat, on the other hand, had been surprisingly conciliatory, especially when he’d finally admitted just how much he missed Alec’s steadying presence at his side. Izzy and Magnus were too alike to have any kind of tempering effect on each other. He wasn’t masochistic enough to trawl back through his email chain to see what Alec had replied to his email that week, just imagining what Alec must have thought of him at that moment was enough to make the bile rise in his throat.

Magnus’ unhappy reminiscences were interrupted by an unexpected ding from his phone. Glancing at his watch and seeing it’s after eleven he wonders which of his friends has cracked and decided to send their Christmas messages an hour early this year. It shouldn’t be surprising that most of his friends are competitive given Cat and Raphael are both fellow Med students and Ragnor well, that man is a law unto himself. Smiling Magnus glances casually at the screen, fully intending not to reply till morning and instead does a double take. The message is from Alexander. That could only mean he’s back on US soil. It’s like some kind of Christmas miracle. Magnus had already sent back his reply before he’d made it to the end of Alec’s message - too fearful of Alec changing his mind to wait even a couple of seconds longer.

• Alexander: “Hey Magnus, I don’t know if you’re even still awake but I’ve just landed at JFK. My plane ended up getting diverted so many times around the various snowstorms that I’m a good 12 hours later than I expected. I know it’s a lot to ask but is there any chance you can pick me up? I’ve gotten so used to people thinking anything below 60 is “freezing” that I completely forgot that I sent all my snow gear back with you when I flew out. I know that if I call Iz then Max will want to come and there’s zero chance of us getting him to go back to sleep when technically it’ll already be Christmas morning by the time we get back home. I’ve still got to battle my way through immigration and wait for my bags - it’ll be a minor miracle if they made all the connects - so if I don’t hear from you I’ll just grab a jacket here and get a cab. Anyway, Merry Christmas, Magnus. A”     

• Magnus: I’m coming to get you.

As soon as the tiny “Delivered” popped up under his message and no additional messages flew in Magnus let out the breath he’d been holding. Laughing humourlessly at his actions he went back to the beginning of Alec’s message, allowing himself time to actually read each word. He couldn’t help smiling at the rambling style Alec had when he was asking for something he perceived as potentially inconveniencing someone else. But the ache in his chest was back because there was a time when they’d been close enough that Alec wouldn’t have needed to ask because there was no question that he’d be there to pick him up. His message would instead have pointed out that seeing as Magnus had taken his snow gear he’d better be there to pick him up unless he planned to specialise in cryogenics for the rest of his career. He wanted to say it was just because it was Christmas or the fact it was so late but neither argument held water. He’d told Alec last week that his Christmas plans to meet up with Will, Jem and Tessa had fallen through and that unless Alec made it home for Christmas he planned to spend as much of the week as he could at the local shelter addressing whatever minor maladies he could see to with advanced first aid. But Alec is home for Christmas, Magnus almost laughs at the sheer joy that thought brings. He can’t wait to get on the road, get even a single mile closer to seeing Alec.

• Magnus: Welcome home, Alexander. I’ll see you soon. Xx

It takes long minutes to remember exactly where he’d stashed Alec’s winter gear and even then, he’s sure there should be a lighter jacket that zips into the heavier jacket that’s with the rest of his gear. Unwilling to waste any more time looking for it Magnus grabs another layer from his own wardrobe and rushes out to start clearing the fresh layer of snow from his car. Everything feels like it takes twice as long but with some of his most creative swear words and sheer bloody-mindedness he’s finally on his way to the airport.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Who knew there’d be this many people at JFK airport in the early hours of Christmas morning? He’d seen parking disputes come to blows and waited for what felt like every generation of one family and a small plane worth of luggage to cross in front of him and that had all been before he’d even made it into the terminal. Inside could only be described as joyful chaos. For every weary and overburdened traveller, there seemed to be an anxious loved one scouring the dense crowds for their other half. For every family of excited travellers, there was an even more excited welcoming committee. Everywhere he looked there were reunions playing out that seemed to cover the full spectrum from unbridled joy to almost unfathomable apathy. How on earth was he going to be able to find Alec in this?

He considered simply calling Alec but airports were notorious for their lack of unique landmarks, there would inevitably be two or more of anything he suggested they meet by which would only delay them further. He’d already sent Alec a message to say he was here, he’d just have to start searching. At least both of them were over six feet tall, if he’d been trying to find Izzy he probably would’ve abandoned all hope. Cursing the fact he isn’t magical and couldn’t simply call Alec to him, Magnus started weaving through the crowds, his heart catching at every glimpse of dark hair that wasn’t Alec’s. He didn’t even know what Alec was wearing - not that asking him would be that likely to produce useful information and he refuses for the first time he ever asks Alec to send him a picture of what he’s wearing to be at an airport surrounded by what feels like half of New York. He has standards and plans for that request thank you very much. Magnus finds himself torn between searching for what he would expect Alec to wear at home, the black combat boots he was almost inseparable from, the muted colours and simple cut shirts and t-shirts that seemed to make up 98% of his wardrobe, but could he have finally branched out - adapted to the tropical climate he’d been living in? Finally accepted more colour, bolder patterns and lighter shoes? Surely not even Alec could wear boots when the average temperature is 80 degrees.

“Magnus!”

Magnus’ head snaps up, he’d know that voice anywhere. Alec’s close. Magnus sweeps his eyes left and right as he does a slow 360° growing increasingly frustrated when he still can’t see him.

“Alec?” Magnus called back, standing still hoping to at least have a better sense of what direction he should be looking in.

“Magnus.” This time the voice is so close, a familiar hand gripping his shoulder from behind, spinning him around.

“Alexander,” Magnus exhales into the other man’s neck, his eyelids sliding shut as he melts into the tight embrace, every sense calmed by Alec’s solid presence. Given a choice, he’d seriously consider never moving again.

“I’ve missed you.”

Magnus wants to burrow in even closer when he hears those words, to hold Alec that bit tighter and never let go. He’s amazed his voice doesn’t crack when he finally replies. “I’ve missed you too, Alexander.”

All too soon, Alec’s pulling away and they’re both reaching for Alec’s bag because Magnus needs something to do with his hands to stop them clutching onto the front of Alec’s jacket and never letting go. Alec’s jacket? Magnus stops dead and actually looks at Alec for the first time. Alec is already wearing a jacket. Sure it’s the inner shell of the one Magnus had brought but with door-to-door taxi services he wouldn’t strictly need the whole winter package because most taxi drivers tend to overcompensate when it the snow starts falling. He remembers Alec insisting on keeping it for that very reason, so that if he arrived at some ungodly hour he could get back to the city without dragging one or all of them out into the snow, which means...well, Magnus isn’t sure what it means. Some of his confusion must show because he sees Alec blush when he realises what’s caught Magnus’ attention.

“I wanted to see you without...” Alec waved his hand vaguely, sighing as he dropped his gaze to play with the zipper on his jacket. “I missed this, just - us. I love my family, that will never change but I didn’t just fly for 36 hours only to see them .”

Magnus’ heart leapt as he saw Alec sneaking glances back up under his lashes as if to see how he was taking it before speaking softly again, “I needed to see you , Magnus.”

“And I’ve spent days wondering how I could possibly tear you away from your family to spend time just with me when you’ve got so little time to spend with them,” Magnus said reaching out with tentative fingers to brush away imaginary lint from Alec’s jacket, barely daring to breathe at the sheer intensity of the look he’s giving him. “But it’s all I could think about.”

Magnus thought could watch that slow smile for the rest of his life and never tire of it. He could feel his own smile broadening, happiness crinkling the corner of his eyes as for a moment they stood like two magnets on the edge of their range - aware of the powerful force drawing them together but without momentum, seemingly unable to cross that at last infinitesimal distance and finally snap together.

Hazel eyes searched his as Alec stepped in, one of his large perfect hands cupping Magnus’ jaw so tenderly that to have resisted the urge to lean into it, to deny his eyelids their instinctive slide closed would have been impossible. How could he not melt when faced with such reverence? And yet, as soon as he’d closed them he needed to see this incredible man before him. How else could he know this was real?

“Magnus,” Alec whispered, sounding as wrecked as Magnus felt as his fingers threaded through his hair, gently urging him closer still. “There’s - something I should have told you before I left. Something I need to tell you before...”

Magnus’ lips tingled as the air carrying those words brushed across them, hanging in that gap neither had managed to bridge. He wanted more than anything to cross it now, to take the kiss they so desperately wanted - to avoid any mention of the heartache the past held, to prevent it from taking any of the joy from this moment. But as Alec eased the space back between them, he knew he needed to see Alec’s eyes - if only to make sure he understood he meant it when he promised he’d never forget again the incredible man standing before him.

He feels bereft when one of Alec’s hands leaves its spot on the small of his back. He’s confused when it reaches instead into one of Alec’s pockets, drawing out the familiar well-worn leather wallet he’s had as long as Magnus has known him. Uncommonly clumsy fingers wrestled for a moment, tugging something out from its spot behind his licence. The folds are well worn and there’s genuine care in the way Alec opens it before offering it to Magnus.

“I didn’t know how to tell you then,” Alec said softly as Magnus gazed down at the photo in his hands. “All that time, the person you were looking for? They never existed. I-I’m the person you kissed that night, Magnus.”

Magnus finally looked up, tearing his eyes away from the photo that somehow felt even more intimate than the one he’d found. This one had been taken a short time later than the other. The mistletoe hung forgotten above them as Alec rested his forehead against Magnus’, two sets of kiss-bitten lips sharing the same private smile as they clung to one another. The photo Alec had carried with him, for an entire year.  

“I was so afraid of losing you, of destroying the best friendship I’d ever had - but putting half a world between us - for months, it’s felt like I’ve managed that anyway. I’d hoped that maybe if I could get you alone for long enough this week, I’d figure out how to convince you to forgive me. To see if there was any chance -”

“If you can forgive me , Alexander, there’s nothing left to forgive,” Magnus countered softly when it seemed like Alec had momentarily run out of words of his own. Magnus could see that stubborn streak he loved light Alec’s eyes and brushed a gentle finger across his lips, stifling any argument of who among them deserved the greater share of the blame. “My life’s not the same without you in it, Alexander. I can’t face another year like this one. I decided that I’d follow you to the other side of the world if that’s what it took to convince you I’m serious, that I want there to be an us - if you’ll have me. Which is why I applied to Médecins Sans Frontières, to finish my final internships in Timor-Leste.”

Magnus barely had time to draw breath before Alec’s lips met his in a desperate kiss.  

Chapter Text

Chapter 4: Home

Don’t ask me to let go now,

I don’t know how.

Because it’s always been you

the home that my heart belongs to.

The way Alec kissed him was so much better than the half memory, half fantasy he’d carried around all year. It was intoxicating like he was drowning in pleasure with each swipe of that oh, so talented tongue, the feel of that muscular body pressed against his, the way his fingers dug into his back and tangled in his hair like he never wanted to let go. But more incredible even than that was the grounding sense of rightness, of being at home in Alec’s arms. Like he’d finally found where he belonged after a lifetime of being too much or not enough. Because for all the passion there was a reverence about the way Alec held him, in the way he pulled back just enough to look into Magnus’ eyes - as though reassuring himself that this was real, that it was Magnus he was kissing - taking a moment just to gaze adoringly at him before diving straight back in for more.

It was a miracle really that they’d ever made it out to the car, let alone managed to make it all the way back through the icy conditions to reach the Lightwood brownstone without incident.  Having to keep both hands on the wheel had almost killed him and he couldn’t decide whether it was more tortuous having Alec’s hand resting on his knee - so close but so far where he most wanted it - or the idea of him retreating back and not having any contact between them on the long drive home. The easy ebb and flow of conversation between them was like that first breath of air after too long underwater. He’d almost forgotten the simple joy of talking about everything and nothing with Alec, he had no idea how he’d survived a whole year without it.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

“You’d better go in, Alec, you must be exhausted. Max will be up at the crack of dawn and the moment he realises you’re home you won’t get another second’s peace,” Magnus said, at last, gently disentangling his hand from Alec’s and retreating back to his side of the car. He didn’t want to think how long they’d been parked out the front of the Lightwood’s brownstone where the whole family had gathered in preparation for Christmas morning.

Magnus let his gaze follow his hands as they retreated into his lap, not wanting Alec to see just how hard it was for him to leave. He knows how important time with his family is to Alec, can imagine just how excited Max will be, not to mention Jace, Izzy, Maryse and their partners to have him back but he also doesn’t want to let him go.

“Is that what you…?” Alec paused ducking his head to catch Magnus’ eye, waiting until he looked up. There was something determined yet vulnerable in that assessing look and in the next quiet words. “I wish you’d stay.”

“Alec-” Magnus could hear the longing in his single whispered word. There were so many reasons he shouldn’t but god he’s tempted.

Alec reached out, brushing a gentle thumb across his jaw. “I want - Magnus, I want to wake up with you in my arms, to have you there for presents around the Christmas tree - Christmas dinner too. You’re the most important person in my life besides my family and I... I don’t want to miss you anymore.”

It felt like a vice closing around his heart as he realised what Alec wasn’t saying. When he recognised the shadow in the hazel eyes he loved and in the way he clung just that little bit tighter to Magnus’ shirt. Alec was afraid he’d forget again, that if Magnus left now he might not feel the same way tomorrow. Reaching out he cradled Alec’s face between his hands, loving the rough feel of his unshaven cheeks against his palms. “I never told you how sorry I am about the Yule Ball, about everything, but I can promise you I’ll never forget again - I will always remember this moment. I want you, Alexander Gideon Lightwood. That won’t change, not tomorrow, not next week or next month.”

Magnus could have sworn he heard Alec moan as he surged forward, capturing his lips in a swift possessive kiss that stole Magnus’ breath, leaving him panting and more turned on than he had any right to be by the time Alec pulled away again.

“Tell me it’s too much, too soon and I’ll wait,” Alec said with an earnestness so raw that it ached in Magnus’ chest as Alec lent his forehead against Magnus’. “We both need sleep, I’m not asking for more than that - I just - I don’t want to let you go. Not yet. God, maybe not ever again. But I can, I will, if that’s what you need.”

It’s not too soon, Magnus thought. Now that Alec’s put the thought in his head he knows there’s no way he’d get any sleep if he crawled back into his own cold bed alone. Still, he wavered. It’s a big step to be invited to another family’s Christmas morning - especially given Alec had been away an entire year and they aren’t even - they haven’t had a chance do more than admit they both wanted this. He can’t imagine what Izzy or any of Alec’s family might think if he just showed up at breakfast having obviously been there all night. Some of that doubt must have shown on his face as he moved back just enough to look into Alec’s eyes, one hand dropping to twine their fingers together. Whether it was to allay Alec’s fears or his own he wasn’t sure.

“But if it’s about my family - well, how I feel about you has to be the worst kept secret in history,” Alec admitted, refusing to look away despite the colour Magnus could see rising in his cheeks. “Even Max figured it out months before I left and Mom went so far as to say that if I had to like men at least I’d ‘shown good taste’ in choosing you.” Alec rolled his eyes but there was a genuine fondness in the action despite his obvious embarrassment.

“Maryse Lightwood approves?” Magnus asked, momentarily sidetracked by the incredulity of that statement before getting back to the one glaring omission from that list. “And Izzy?”

Alec laughed, catching Magnus completely by surprise.

“I’m under strict instructions that if this -” Alec gesture between them with the hand Magnus was holding, “Us ever happened that we’re supposed to tell her first so she can finally celebrate no longer being stuck in the middle between her brother’s crush and her friendship with you. I have the feeling that celebration will entail a lot of ‘I told you so’s, a long list of all the signs she thinks you missed and her venting the challenge of not letting my feelings mess up her friendship.”

“She knew?” Magnus asked his eyebrows shooting up. Izzy was not known for being particularly subtle. In fact, none of the Lightwoods were, Alec was as blunt as a hammer most of the time.

“Not, umm, nothing about the Yule Ball but the fact I was head-over-heels from the moment I met you? Yeah,” Alec ducked his head, suddenly seeming to find it hard to meet Magnus’ eyes.

Magnus couldn’t resist stealing a kiss, his heart still soaring at the idea that Alec could possibly have felt like this for so long without saying anything. The idea that they could’ve been doing this - all that time. What was meant to be a swift, stamp of affection lingered and intensified as Alec’s fingers curled into his hair, angling his head to deepen the kiss making Magnus moan as he pressed closer, never wanting to stop.

The sharp pain of a seatbelt clicker digging into his hip forced him back to reality, to acknowledge they were making out like teenagers in a car of all places when they could be inside, curled up in Alec’s bed. He revelled just a bit in the knowledge that he could so thoroughly wreck Alec with kisses alone. It was taking everything he had not to thread his fingers back into his already mussed hair and tip his head back enough to allow him to latch onto the cords of his neck - resolving the question he’d had for longer than he dared to admit about whether there it was possible to detect the borders of that sinfully attractive tattoo with his lips alone. Promising himself there’d be plenty of time for a full and thorough investigation of that later, Magnus pulled back, huffing out a laugh when Alec immediately tried to follow him.

“I think you’d better lead the way, Alexander, before we get completely carried away and wind up getting caught in a rather compromising situation by a total stranger,” Magnus said with a sinful smile, “Or worse, one of your inquisitive family members.”

The hope that lit Alec’s face would almost have been comical if it hadn’t been chased so quickly by an all too serious expression. “You know that you don’t have to stay, right? That I’ll still - feel the way I do about you if you want to go home instead. It’s okay if you need more time or - ”

“Thank you, Alexander,” Magnus interrupted interlacing their fingers as he smiled at his endlessly considerate best friend/partner/whatever they were now. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be right now than curled up in your bed and if you’re sure the rest of your family won’t mind me crashing their celebrations then, yes, I’d love to stay for Christmas too. Even if that means braving whatever ungodly hour Max decides is appropriate to wake up three of the worst morning people I’ve ever met.”

“Hey,” Alec protested, fighting a smile, “I’m not that bad.”

“I adore you, Alec but you, Izzy and Jace are all more than a little bit scary before you’ve had your coffee. I still remember that poor waitress you terrified when she tried to explain their coffee machine wasn’t on yet the one time we tried to get breakfast before my first lecture. She still looks apprehensive every time we go in there and it’s been years.”

“I did apologise,” Alec muttered, making Magnus laugh.

“That was only after she’d managed to beg, borrow or steal coffee from somewhere just to placate you until she could make you a fresh pot.” Magnus shook his head fondly, “Come on, we should get you to bed to try to lessen the inevitable blow the early morning wake-up call will have.”

Alec’s smile is positively radiant as he leans forward, pressing a kiss to Magnus’ forehead. “I’m so glad you’re staying.”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Getting inside took longer than it should. In part, because they were trying so hard to be quiet but also because it proved harder than either of them anticipated to keep their hands to themselves despite carrying Alec’s luggage between them. Alec also paused for a long moment when they reached the lounge, surveying the Christmas decorations with a fond but critical eye as if to check they’d been properly put up in his absence before ushering Magnus into his childhood bedroom.

Although familiar with the adult bedroom in the flat he shared with Izzy, Magnus found it intriguing to see the place Alec had grown up in, surprised by the austerity and exactness with which it had been decorated. The look was not helped by the mostly empty bookshelves along one wall that seemed to only hold the dregs of what he knew to be a very impressive collection of modern and classic books. Even the few photos still up around the room looked stiff and formal compared to the wall in his current room that was filled, floor to ceiling, with candid shots chronicling the last five years of Alec’s life. Magnus still remembered him admitting once that it had started out as a way of reminding himself just how many people he had around him; that he wasn’t alone, that he wasn’t insignificant, even if sometimes it felt like he was. Looking around this beautiful but cold room, Magnus could see why Alec had put such an emphasis on comfort over style, making the flat feel more like a home, when he and Izzy had moved in there.

“There’s just one more thing I need to do,” Alec said, drawing Magnus’ attention away from his contemplation of the room and back to an apologetic looking Alec. “Actually - probably two. It’s completely fine if you want to get ready for bed, it shouldn’t take that long I just realised I haven’t actually wrapped any of my presents yet and I’d really like to check on Max before we…” Alec paused, waving vaguely at his bed.

“Which direction is the wrapping paper?” Magnus asked, forestalling Alec’s protest with an elegant flick of his hand, “I know I don’t have to but I’d like to help if I can.”

“Mom always leaves some extra supplies out in the lounge, she knows us well enough to predict that one or more of us will leave wrapping till the last possible minute and Max knows he’s not allowed to go into the lounge before morning. I’ll just grab them out of my bag and we’ll head out there.” Alec said starting to pull things out of his pack as he spoke. “I can check in on Max on our way past. He might voluntarily get up horrifically early a few days each year but thankfully even then he sleeps like the dead.”

Magnus watched in amusement as the pile of presents grew beside Alec, it looked like it was going to be another year of pass-the-parcel style Christmas presents. That is unless Alec was hiding an extra 10 family members or friends. His sheepish expression when he noticed Magnus looking suggested they were in for a lot of wrapping. There were likely to be 4 or 5 of the smaller souvenirs in the outer layers while the innermost layer held the person’s official Christmas present. Having often been himself accused (unfairly) of being too extravagant with his gift giving being friends with Alec had given him some slight insight into the Ragnor and Raphael’s perspective on the matter. Alec didn’t need an occasion, if he found something small that reminded him of one of his people, that he thought they’d like - ninety-nine times out of one hundred, he’d buy it. To give credit where it was due, he was also very good at it, but it could be intimidating at times. Magnus is glad now that he’d already given his presents for all the Lightwoods to Izzy the week before to put under the tree. It’s hard not to wonder what Alec got him this year as he watches the mound of presents grow until at last Alec draws out a large wrapped package, that he holds out to Magnus instead of placing it with the others.

“For me?” Magnus asked, his curiosity piqued as he examines the beautiful handmade paper it’s wrapped in.

“Yeah, Nôr Maria wouldn’t allow me to take it from her workshop until she’d wrapped it so at least I don’t have to worry about ruining the surprise,” Alec said rubbing the back of his neck as he moved to stand beside Magnus.

“You usually hate anyone else wrapping your presents,” Magnus said, glancing up from the red cord he was untying to see Alec shifting uncomfortably beside him.

“I - uh - ended up telling her quite a lot about you because she insisted she couldn’t make something for someone she didn’t know anything about but then, um, she got it into her head that it was a courting gift and -” Alec shrugged helplessly, “I didn’t find out until later that her grandson, Antonio, had seen me looking at the photograph of us one day when we were on site together and told Maria who put two and two together and made five. Not that I don’t want -   that it’s just -”

“That you’re giving it to me as a gift without any expectation or obligation that I’d share those same feelings?” Magnus suggested gently, smiling when Alec relaxed somewhat.

“Yeah. You can wait until morning if you’d rather but I thought - seeing as it’s technically already Christmas -”

“No take backs, Alexander, you’ve given it to me and I’m opening it!” Magnus said, loosening the last knot and removing the cord, watching in amazement as the intricately folded paper unwrapped itself. Magnus stared in wonder as the ornately carved box that had been revealed, breathing in the scents of sandalwood and some kind of natural polish as he held it up to inspect it more closely before opening the lid. Inside he finds removable tiers lined with vibrant coloured silks, each one complete with a matching drawstring bag to keep a particularly special piece in. It’s not until he picks one of the small bags up that he realises that Alec’s penchant for multi-gifting has not been abandoned despite the already incredible level of thought and expense that’s gone into creating the box itself. With shaking fingers he empties the bags out one-by-one into his palm, marvelling at just how well Alec knew his taste as each piece was revealed. Laying out the two necklaces and a bracelet he’d received so far Magnus picked up the smallest bag from its spot on the bottom of the jewellery box. Magnus felt his heart flutter, it’s hard not to notice the circular shape of the object inside it. Alec has bought him a lot of jewellery over the years, just like he has with Izzy and Maryse, seemingly fascinated by it despite having no real interest in wearing it himself but the one type that was blatantly omitted from the collection he’s given Magnus are rings. Magnus has always regretted the social customs that prevented him from knowing what kind of rings Alec liked but still, he hesitated, uncertain whether he hoped or feared that he was finally about to find out.

Magnus feels like all the air has been knocked out of his lungs as he stares at the ornate ring on a fine silver chain lying on his palm. There are tears gathering in the corner of his eyes as he looks up from the silver crocodile chasing its tail to meet Alec’s anxious gaze. It never ceases to amaze him how well Alec knows his style.

“Crocodiles are held in high regard in Timor, they’re also a symbol of sorti diak - good luck. Like the good luck that brought you into Izzy’s life and then mine,” Alec said quietly, his words breaking through Magnus’ stunned immobility.

“Thank you, Alexander,” Magnus whispers against Alec’s lips, the ring and chain clenched tightly in his fist as draws him into a kiss filled with all the love he doesn’t have words to express.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Izzy wasn't quite sure what had woken her at just after one on Christmas morning. All she wanted to do was snuggle back into her covers and sleep for as long as her youngest brother would let her. They'd agreed on seven but knowing Max she’d count herself lucky if it was as late as six-thirty. She was just rolling over when she heard it. The distinctive rustle of wrapping paper and the faint tinkle of Christmas decorations knocking gently against the tree’s lights. Suddenly wide awake Izzy scrambled out of bed, snatched up her dressing gown and slipped silently out her bedroom door. They’d hoped that letting Max stay up till eleven in case Alec called would tire him out enough for it to be safe for ”Santa” to put the presents out early - apparently they’d been wrong.

Convinced that she was about to catch Max red-handed Izzy took care to avoid the creaking floorboards and keep to the shadows as she hurried down the hallway. At least, coming from her bedroom, she’d be behind Max who'd no doubt be sitting directly in front of the tree to get at the mounds of presents surrounding it. Vaguely she recognised what sounded like someone whispering but she was too focused on maintaining the element of surprise to stop to consider what that might mean. What she saw she finally reached the end of the hallway stopped her dead in her tracks.

Alec (who was supposed to still be in transit) sat cross-legged on the living room floor wrapping presents while Magnus carefully arranged the ones he’d already finished under the tree. Just when Izzy was about to fling herself at him, berate him for not calling and hug the living daylights out of him - Alec reached out, curling his fist into Magnus’ shirt, dragging him into his lap and kissing him soundly. The hand she slapped over her mouth was the only thing stopping Izzy from squealing because this is so amazing. She's been trying to convince Alec to make a move for literally years so this must be some kind of Christmas miracle. She really needs to get out of here before one of them spot her but she can't remember the last time she saw either of them look that happy, they're too busy smiling like fools to even kiss properly. As she watches, Alec finally breaks the kiss, whispering something that makes Magnus practically melt against him - pliant as Alec turns him to sit across his lap, turning his face into her brother’s neck as Alec draws the half-wrapped present towards him and fumbles for the tape. Careful not to make any sound Izzy withdraws, moving silently back down the corridor, sparing a glance at Max’s closed door as she passes already imaging the youngest Lightwood’s delight tomorrow morning when he realises Alec’s home.

As she slipped back into bed Izzy thought this really was going to be the best Christmas they’d ever had.