Chapter Text
One year, 12 months, 365 days, it's 525,600 minutes and for a leap year; add 1440 minutes to get 527,040 minutes and 31,536,000 seconds. That’s only for Earth time line. Only God knows how much would a year be for the rest of the universe. A year without Voltron, 12 months with his family, 527,040 minutes without properly seeing his team, 31,536,000 seconds without her. That’s a long time; one second was already enough for a lot of events to happen. He was proven that through the fight with Honerva and with all of the alternative universes running at the same time, yet doing so many different things.
He used to think one second wasn’t enough, but after all of this, one second was long and dreadful. He didn’t see the world the same after acknowledging this. The world grew slow and gentle around him, slow motion like. No longer fast and rushed like all of those years through the war, or even his youngers years back when he was just a garrison cadet when he could still see the light in everything and was excited for that adrenaline running through his veins; but that’s ok. He was ok with that. He has had enough and was ok with taking it easy. He finally has his family back and she was still here. He knew it. She was watching him. The flowers told him so. What flowers you may ask? Well the purple juniberry flowers in his garden. The same ones back on Altea, but closer to home. Those flowers. They told him. They told him every day about her. Yes Allura is here, he felt her around him every day. The flowers agreed and were also happy. He took care of them and they appreciated the fact and so they talked to him. They told him how Allura was, what she was doing, how she was doing, but for some odd reason every time he asked where she was, they stopped talking. He didn’t know if they were mad, sad, angered or triggered or if Allura ordered them to not tell him because he wasn’t ready to meet her just yet.
Whatever reason it was, he’ll respect them and so he kept watering them under the sun warm rays hitting his skin. He feels the water pressure flowing through the hose on his palms. He hears the gentle splashes caressing the petals of the flowers. It slowly gets louder and louder and ever so slowly he could hear a racket, a distortion, some kind of static like sound ringing in his ears. Leaving the far away the gentle voices and turning them into a desperate calling for his name. Why were the flowers calling for him so desperately? “Lance! Lance! LANCE!” They kept repeating. Why are they so stressed? What was that shaking he kept feeling? Are the flowers that angry at him? What did he do wrong now? The shacking. The screams. The static. What’s going on? What is happening?
His questions were answer when he felt a stab on his foot snapping him from his tangled thoughts. He yelped by the sudden act and sting. He heard a voice gentle and sweet to his ears and he looks down at his feet, along the way he saw his little niece, Nadia, looking at him back with a heartwarming smile yet with eyes of concern. “Lance! Momma said that you need to milk Kaltenecker! And to stop drowning the poor flowers!” Nadia screamed at him in case he spaced again making sure he heard her. It wasn’t the first time his family has tried this strategy and always either made him chuckle or guilty neither actions being satisfactory or pleasing on his end.
Lance chuckled “Yes Mijita I know. I didn’t forget and do I have to remember momma that the purple juniberry flowers need more water than ours, that she doesn’t have to worry for I have no intention of making them go away anytime soon much less in such a terrible way…” and that was true he wasn’t going to let the flowers go any time soon and much less let them die like… she had too... If she had to go in order for these flowers to bloom then he will do everything in his power to make her flowers bloom.
He looked back at the young girl and smiled “Don’t worry mi amor, let me just clean here and I’ll head over there now.” The truth was he didn’t want to leave the flowers, but he couldn’t let his family down, plus he could come back later during the day... right?
“I can do this Uncle Lance. You should hurry up or momma will get mad and you know how she gets.” Oh he knows he already had enough ‘talks’ about him ‘doing nothing other than staring at those god damn flowers’ and so he lets out a sigh and smiles at her once again. “Thank you bella. Nos vemos mas tarde.” With that she nods already picking up the equipment he used for the flowers.
He decided to hurry to Kaltenecker before he gets to another meaningless lecture. He closes his eyes taking a deep breath before dragging his feet to the little farm where the cow waited for him. Soon after arriving to the farm; Kaltenecker gives her infamous ‘moo’ as a greeting to the young man. He couldn’t help but smile and giver her gentle pet on her back yet the happy feeling didn’t last long for not soon after, all he could feel was dread. Kaltenecker was the only memory he had, back on the castle of lions, of home and now she’s the only memory he has from the castle and the things he did along with the other paladins. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm his nerves. When did his hands started shacking? It doesn’t matter; he doesn’t have time for this. He picked up a bucket along with a small wooden chair and started to milk her. When he finished he noticed how it barely covered the bottom on the bucket. He knew what that meant, but he will never say it out loud for it could be multiple things or just his imagination like the flowers say. They kept telling him that it was all on his mind. That she is ok.
Lance stared at the hay that lay on the ground trying to collect his thoughts “Yeah. Is just my imagination… Why would the flowers lie? They wouldn’t do that. They have no reason to… right?” Lance couldn't help but wonder if the flowers ever truly lied to him...? Even once... Have they lied a few times, just to make him feel better? Have they lied constantly, just to make up stories to entertain him? Or... Was it all a lie... Every. Single. Thing... Lance made a drastic silent pause to his thinking and everything became blank. Nothing came in mind. He didn't know what to think. Could he trully trust them like he used to...?
Suddenly Lance made a loud gasp shooting his vision back up and exclaimed “OF COURSE NOT! WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?!” Kaltenecker gave a small startled jump by Lances’ sudden outburst. The cow noticed how distressed the young man was and mowed softly trying to console him. He felt bad for scaring her and so he smiled at her to reassure that everything was alright, her kiss on her neck while petting her head and decided to leave in order to not disturb her anymore. And so he picked up the bucket of milk and left the cow to rest.
He realized what he just said outload and the unspeakable thoughts that ran through his head. He couldn’t believe that he just doubted such lovely and kind creatures. He will make sure to apologize to them. They don’t deserve such disrespect after everything they have done for him…
He slowly returned back inside to his house only to notice how empty and quiet it was. He looked at the time noticing it was already 6pm and everyone was getting ready for dinner in their room either changing from their attires or taking a bath and so he puts the bucket in the kitchen counter and decides to head up his room to clean himself up and so he does, he gets rid of his clothing and looks up the mirror and notices the scars drawing patterns all over his body from the long, faithful battle he was send of too. He kept looking up and up until his eyes reached his tattooed like markings. He felt a warm feeling when he caressed them yet felt a cold sensation the more he stared at them. He still remembers when he stopped his facial beauty routines completely, in fear that he might wash the markings away. You see for him when looking at the markings and all he can see is Allura, how much she meant to him and vice versa. How he couldn’t wait to see her again. Lance takes a deep breath and with a soft low voice he said “If only it was me... Allura didn’t deserve this… She had too much... too much to give...” punching the mattress on his bed he screamed “FUCK AND I KEPT TELLING YOU PRINCESS!! AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!! BUT YOU DIDN’T LITSEN… I just wanted you save… Allura …
if only it was me instead of you…”
She was a princess, a queen, an empress and now a goddess, not only for him but for all living beings in every universe and reality and he couldn’t be more prouder of calling the love of his life a goddess.
Lance still remembers when Shiro told Allura how many would not know about her sacrifice and she being the life giver she is… She said it didn’t matter.
“But it does for me and that’s why I’ll keep on spreading your story and your message. The others aren’t, so I will”, but that’s a story for another time. Right now he needed to hit the showers and head to dinner. And through that time he kept thinking over and over again of what the flowers kept telling him and how it managed to bring a smile in his face through these dark times.
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Once he arrived at the dinner table he sat down next to Veronica smiling at her. “Well you seem to be in a good mood, what is the cause of this event?” Lance gave a small and timid chuckle “I don’t know, you tell me?” Veronica just smiled back happy to see her brother smiling, even if it was a little bit. Lance on the other hand wanted to stay in the garden. He wanted to know what other stories the flowers had in store for him. He couldn’t wait to get this done to run to them and hear more about her. That alone drew a smile on his face. “HIJO! Stop daydreaming and eat!!” But that smile just couldn’t last forever… “Yes mother…” Lance replied with an upset look on his face. “Ay Dios! Mijo ponte a comer. Later you can continue making plans on how to waste another beautiful day staring at those flowers” This always has triggered Lance. He couldn’t believe how his mother didn’t understand the meaning with those flowers. He didn’t just stand there and stare at them countless of hours. He was nurturing and guarding them. “Mom! Stop it! With the flowers, what have they ever done to you?” He said while glaring at the food. “To me? Nothing. But to you? Everything! You really haven’t noticed how distanced you are with us because of a damn plant that doesn’t even belong here?!” Lance snapped his head up from the food and glared directly into his mother eyes “DOESN’T BELONG HERE?! THAT’S NOT HOW YOU USED TO THINK WHEN ALLURA CAME! THOSE FLOWERS ARE A PART OF HER AND THEY BELONG HERE AS MUCH AS ALLURA DOES!! OR WAS IT ALL A FAÇADE TO MAKE ME SHUT UP?! BECAUSE LOOK WHERE THAT GOT US NOW” His brother Luis gently stood up trying to cool Lance down “Lance…We get you miss her-” Lance rolled his eyes and stared right into his soul “Missing is an understatement but how would you know? You have everything you love right here. Your wife, your kids, your family’s constant love. You got it all perfect. In fact you all do! YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY AGAINST YOU!”
Suddenly, Nadia, with watery eyes took the bottom of his shirt and gently begged for him to stop. Lance took compassion and did everything to cool down his anger. He stared through the dining rooms’ window and saw the flowers from afar. The voices of his family molding into the voices of the flowers. “Go” they said “she is waiting for you” they said making him smile like he has never done in a long time.
He excused himself taking his dinner ignoring the calling of his name ringing behind his back as her ran straight to his room. The flowers told him how she wanted him to eat with her under the moonlight that shone through his window. He ate and ate ever so slowly and waited for her to show. He waited and waited and ate even slower hoping for her to show up in time before he finished his food. It was already 12am and he was still eating and waiting. He decided to stop eating all together and left the remaining food in the night table next to his bed for when she returned she could eat next to him even if he was asleep. He couldn’t help to notice the picture he saved from his first date with Allura. The gently takes the picture in his arms and presses his lips even more gently in fear that if he pushed to hard she would leave for good. The puts the picture back on the table with a sigh and wraps himself with his sheets. Slowly closes his eyes while wishing up the stars up there in the skies that Allura would understand why he couldn’t properly attend their meeting.
He couldn’t stop himself from hoping that she could feel his love no matter the distance… That hasn’t stopped him from feeling hers… Little did he know that there were more love closer then he could imagine…
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3am the time where his thoughts ran faster than ever. The time the flowers called for him louder. It was always 3am. 3am the time he would wake up and leave unnoticed and today, was like every other day at 3am. Yet this 3am was slightly different. This time it wasn’t the flowers who called his name, it was someone else. He feels like he knows this voice. A voice from a distant memory he so desperately wants to remember and so he leaves his home follows this voice. This calming, almost motherly, voice in which he can’t help but feel attachment to. Walking and walking until his body made a sudden stop, one he couldn’t register and once he did he knew who that motherly voice belonged to.
Blue.
Blue called for him and how much he missed her calling. He smiled and greeted the lion standing proudly in front of him. “Hello once again, Lance. Is been quite some time hasn’t it” The lion purred delighted to see her cub once again.
“It sure has. I missed you Blue… so much…” Lance sniffed
“And so did I cub, not a day passed without me thinking of my first cub”
“Same Blue… I couldn’t stop thinking about you since the day I had to pilot red… Red… Red is nice, but Blue… He could never be compared to you…”
“Well I’m glad. I most definitely do not want to be compared to anybody other than myself” Blue huffed in a joking matter. That made Lance chuckle. He missed Blue so much. They were so alike when it came to humor. He missed her humor. She always knew how to lift his spirits up.
“But I guess I could say the same… The princess… while she’s my most recent paladin, she will never be compared to you Lance. You are extraordinary and the first paladin to have ever fully understand me.” But she also knew his weakest points.
At the hearing of Alluras’ name, Lance was lost in his deep ocean like thoughts. Images, memories, and thoughts crashing and waving through his clouded mind endlessly. Even so just as fast as he got lost in thought, just as fast he came back to the real conscience world. He heard Blue make a deep sigh.
“Lance… The real reason I called for you was to grow our bond strong once again. While I’m aware Voltron isn’t needed at the time… I’m still a living being with thoughts and emotions and before all a mother of the lovely young man standing right in front of me”
“Then why…?”
“Excuse me?”
“Why did you wait until now to tell me this…? Why did you abandon me when I was in my worst? Why did you ignore me?! When I needed you the most!” He said with a broken almost raspy voice “WHY MOM!?” He screamed in both mockery and pain.
“Lance… You are my cub… and as any mother you would do anything for their child, even the hardest decisions no matter how much it hurts you as a parent-”
“Ptf! You didn’t think of me. You never did. You thought of the mission, of the war. You used that chance to choose someone more capable of being your paladin and what better person then the princess herself!? You saw something you liked and you went after it. Not because you needed it, but because you just wanted to win. To win your stupid title on being this unstoppable machine!! And what did that cost you? THE LIFE OF THE PRINCESS! YOU CLAM TO BE TO POWERFUL AND YOU COULDN’T SAVE HER LIFE! SHE DESERVED SO MUCH MORE…!” Taking a deep breath while glaring at the ground he continued. “You know better than anyone else how hard it is for me to truly open up… and yet you’ve taken her from me… and I don’t think I’ll be able to open up like that anytime soon…”
Blue didn’t respond at first knowing Lance wouldn’t listen to her while he was still agitated and so she waited a few moments letting the sound of the wind flowing through the leaves of trees, the melody of the crickets and frogs, the sound of the ocean gently crashing against the sand, and the soft lighting the fireflies created help Lance calm his mind. When she finally deemed that Lance has calmed down, she spoke in the gentlest voice she could produce.
“Is hard to get used to…”
“What?” That made Lance upper his vision and look at Blue with a curious yet confused look in his eyes.
“When we lose someone… They’re gone… Forever and there is nothing that… nothing that we can do to bring them back… No matter how much power you have… and that breaks me because I have to remind myself that one’s soul is like a bird… A bird that isn’t meant to be caged… Lance… You’re not the only one with memories that could never be forgotten, but you have the option to move away forward unlike us where we…” She looked at the other lions next to them for a moment. “That we have to constantly repeat it in order to not commit the same mistakes again…” Looking back down at Lance saying “Lance… Don’t let yourself get trapped in this loop of dread.” She lowered her head in a way Lance knew that if she had the ability to shed tears, she would be doing it at this moment… and what he going to say next made him guilty but if he wanted to be honest he had to say it out loud…
“I know that it’s over… I know it is… but I can’t move forward… nor can I forget… I’ve still got the memories and… and I don’t want them to leave…”
“Lance…”
“Is the truth Blue… I can’t forget her just yet… maybe… maybe later on… but now I can’t… I need to project her honor, her story, her legacy… her heart… and when I fit deemed that she’s completely protected without me then I’ll be able to move on… only then…”
Blue did not know how to respond to this. She thought long and hard and nothing came to mind as to what she could say to Lance in order to push him further to redeem himself. So she decided to help Lance ‘protect’ Allura and feel fulfilled for his actions in order for him to move on. A year is too long for him to still feel this down. The faster she could get him out of the loop the better.
As she started planning how to address Lance while his mind was running, he had no energy to do so. He was too tired and was too early for him to be discussing this type of matter with other people. He wanted to rest, but didn’t want to go home either; he just didn’t feel comfortable enough to do so. He also didn’t want to wake up Kaltenecker nor disturb the flowers because of his train of thoughts railing at the moment. He slowly crawled on to Blues’ paw accidently startling the lion from her own train of thoughts. He looked at her chuckling at her reaction. He then stared at the stars standing above them soon falling into a melancholy state once again.
He knew he wasn’t the only one hurting, but it felt like it. He knew now that Blue knew exactly how he was feeling, since she was feeling it too, but he couldn’t say the same for the others is almost as if like they erased their minds. Is almost as if everything that happened wasn’t real for them like if they weren’t there when it all happened… but he will deal with that later right now all he wanted was to rest and so he closed his eyes and fell into a deep slumber as Blue sang to him with a purr…