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It's nearly a year after the incident at Hope's Peak when the survivors are optionally assigned to go back, just to sort through what's left. It's in part for supplies, in part for information, and in part for closure on their end. Naegi finds himself venturing into the control room, and into the room below it, the one hidden by a trap door.
He’s rifling through a file cabinet when he finds them – execution plans. There are plans for all the students, including the ones that had been killed. The escaped students each have one, too, including Naegi’s.
It had been terrible, and the memory comes back to him all at once, the pound-pound-pound constantly slamming into his ear drums and growing louder, Monobear, pound, the chalkboard, pound, the… lesson, pound, everything, pound pound pound. He flinches at the memory but dismisses it as best as he can. It still lingers behind his eyelids and in his ears, but he can breath and keep rifling through the files. Naegi hates how used to this he is.
He’s almost gone through all the execution files, relived each nightmare when he finds Togami’s. He knows before he starts reading he should put it down, he shouldn’t read it; he knows how it’s going to affect him. But he can't. He braces himself and opens the dusty folder.
Naegi still isn’t prepared for it, though.
Kuwata’s execution was brutal and Celes’ ironic, but what Togami would have had was both. It was too much, the cruelty of it, and though they were out from Hope’s Peak and safe from Enoshima now, the bloody memories of his friends now gone aches in his chest, the pain brought with remembrance if Togami's attitude and the promise that he was going to do it, and that this could have been reality – was so close to being reality. It’s a miracle that it wasn’t.
An image of Togami’s face, what could have been, - a pale, cold face - crosses through Naegi’s mind, bleeding and dying, and it’s too much for him. He can’t stop the shaking of his hands or how it suddenly becomes hard to breathe as the scene that could have been plays through his mind. Naegi shuts his eyes tight against the image, not at all surprised to feel tears stinging at his eyes, and puts down the papers.
He rubs the heel of his hands into his eyes as if to rub out the tears threatening to spill over and focuses on breathing. It didn’t happen, it could have, but it didn’t and that’s all the matters, he repeats to himself over and over again like some kind of hymn, but it hardly helps. Naegi’s thoughts turn to Togami instead, alive and breathing and not frozen as his punishment for playing Monobear’s twisted game, and manages to collect some semblance of composure, the kind that Togami is an expert at (that the execution would have taken away, his mind reminds him).
His hands still shake a bit, though, as he reorganizes the files, and when Kirigiri walks in, he’s thankful his back is to her so she can’t see. “Did you find anything, Naegi-kun?” is all she says, but hearing her is comforting, somehow, another reminder that they escaped.
“E-Execution plans…” Naegi mentally curses himself for stuttering as he turns around to give Kirigiri a shaky smile. The last thing he wants is for anyone to worry about him. He takes a breath in through his nose and out his mouth. It’s okay, you’re okay, and he’s okay. “For everyone, executed or not, I mean.”
“I see. So Enoshima-san really planned all of this out…” Kirigiri pauses, staring at Naegi critically for a moment. “Is something wrong?”
She’s always seen right through me... “No, of course not! It’s a bit jarring to see the executions, but they didn’t really happen, so it’s not a big deal.” He’s trying to convince himself as much as he’s trying to convince her.
Kirigiri squints and Naegi increases his efforts to make it seem like that’s true, but only a watery smile can make its way out. He hopes it’s convincing, but it’s not, and Kirigiri sighs. “You can always talk to me, you know. Or any of the others. We’re you’re friends.”
“Thanks, Kirigiri-san, but I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” Naegi picks up the files and walks past Kirigiri and out the door. He just barely misses her mumbled “You’re our friend, of course we’re going to worry about you…”
Naegi knows as he puts on his pajamas that he’s not getting any sleep. He hasn’t slept well, not since they escaped, but it’s only going to be worse tonight. His eyes drift close, and he already can imagine Togami crawling out into the cold behind his eyelids. Naegi lies down and pulls the covers up to his chin, not daring to close his eyes; even so, the blood oozing out from what would have been Togami’s wounds appears in his mind’s eye. Naegi should know by now there’s no point trying to shut away the nightmares.
He tries anyway. It’s part of who he is.
It’s lucky he’s so tired; it’s only a few shaky breaths and eyes shut tight against the images until he falls asleep.
Or is it unlucky? Just like his supposed ‘Good Luck’ talent, Naegi can’t tell the difference. He’s immediately tossed into the torment of nightmares and the haunting images of his dead friends, now joined by Togami’s face. Him at the bottom of the trash can-like pit, Monobear throwing rocks at him, him crawling out, seemingly to his escape, only to be met with the freezing cold. Cold… It must have been funny to Enoshima, planning on killing him with that. Cold like the visage he presents to the world.
Naegi knows better than anyone that face of his isn’t completely true, and as he wakes up, body racked with sobs, he considers going to Togami. He would be received, he knows; Togami would let him in, and his presence would be comforting, but Naegi can’t. That would mean telling him about the nightmares. I can’t tell him. I can’t tell anyone. I can’t let them worry about me.
His pillow is practically soaked when he finally stops his tears, left shaking in his bed. Alone. This is my burden alone. He curls up and wraps his arms around his knees, gulping in deep breaths. Naegi doesn’t sleep for the rest of the night, not really, though his mind slips in and out of consciousness, but neither place is safe from the horrifying images.
Naegi goes through the motions of waking up and getting ready for another day, but he’s unable to rub the sleep out of his eyes. Or, rather, the lack of it. He’s glad it’s day, though, at least. Nightmares plague him less when the sun is out.
He trudges through the cafeteria, making his way to the kitchen, and gives a small wave to the people he’s friendly with. This, of course, includes other survivors, who are sitting together at a table. They’re outcasts, in a way, and have stayed in a group. They had been through the worst together, and stuck together because of it. Though Naegi had become acquainted with a few other Future Foundation workers, he mostly stayed with the other Hope’s Peak students. It especially made him happy to see them all together, despite their differences.
Once he’s in the kitchen, it’s straight to the coffee maker. Naegi wasn’t a fan of the taste; it’s bitter, even with cream and sugar, but he had gotten used to it. He’s constantly just short of having enough sleep, and it gave him the extra perk he needed to get through the day.
He’s pouring the coffee into two mugs – Togami will want some too, and Naegi knows how he likes it(black, as opposed to him, who puts as much cream and sugar as he can without drowning out the caffeine) – when Togami says his name from behind him.
“Oh, Togami-kun! I made some coffee for you.” Naegi turns around and holds out Togami’s mug, brightening just at the sight of him. It reminds him that his nightmares are just that, nightmares, and it’s him, so of course…
Naegi’s thoughts are halted when he realizes Togami is talking. “…you idiot.” is all that he catches, and it doesn’t exactly help him figure out what he was saying.
“Huh, what was that? I spaced out a bit, sorry.” Naegi rubs the back of his head, offering Togami an apologetic smile.
Togami huffs, taking a sip from his mug of coffee and grimacing at the bitter taste – he must have taken it from Naegi’s hands while he was thinking – before replying. “You obviously didn’t get enough sleep last night. I will not have you lagging behind on work because you’re too tired to keep up, you idiot.”
“Oh! Thank you for the concern, Togami-kun, but I’m fine, really. I just had a bit of trouble sleeping last night, that’s all.” Naegi takes a long sip from his coffee, preparing himself for the rest of the day.
“Don't make assumptions about my intent, Naegi. I didn't mention anything about concern." Togami’s words are harsh, but Naegi knows better by now; he protests more out of principle and habit than cruelty, now and especially with Naegi.
He leans up and kisses Togami’s cheek lightly. “You didn’t, but I understood what you meant.” His cheeks become dusted with a light shade of pink, Naegi sees, and he’s sure his own are colored a similar shade.
“…Tch. If that’s what you want to believe.” Togami walks off and out of the kitchen, and Naegi follows him.He doesn’t like being worried about, but it’s still nice to know Togami cares.
It’s a long day of work, but it helps Naegi keep his mind off things.
He’s heading back to his room, not looking forward to the nightmares that sleeping brings on, when Togami catches him. He’s unlocking his door and doesn’t notice him until he says his name.
“Naegi.” It’s curt, as always. He turns around and gives Togami a faint smile.
“Hey, Togami-kun…! I was just about to go to sleep, is there something you need?” Naegi yawns, trying to think of what he could possibly want at this hour.
Togami looks away and crosses his arms. “Sleep in my room tonight.”
Naegi is surprised at the request, and for a split second, he’s tempted to follow it. He wants to, that’s for sure, but the nightmares come back to him, memories of him waking up in a cold sweat, shaking and crying – memories he’s sure will only be repeated tonight – and he knows he shouldn’t. Not when it would make Togami worry. “I’m sorry, Togami-kun, but. I really can’t.”
Togami huffs and looks back to Naegi, his piercing gaze cutting right through him, as it always does. “It wasn’t a question.”
“I’m sorry… I mean, I’d like to, but… I really can’t.” Togami narrows his eyes as Naegi speaks. He fidgets a bit his stare, turning slightly and putting his hand on his door handle. “Goodnight, Togami-kun.”
Naegi’s inside his room before Togami can reply.
The request and subsequent denial continues similarly for about a week before Togami gets fed up. Something is obviously wrong with Naegi, and Togami is going to figure it out. It’s bothersome, and he’s sure it won’t be long before they started falling behind on work because of whatever was bothering Naegi. That’s all.
Togami approaches Naegi outside of his room again. “Naegi. You know what I'm going to ask, but this time half baked excuses won't do.”
He turns around to face him, and Togami notes the dark circles taking residence under his eyes and the half-hearted attempt at a smile. “Togami-kun, it’s just like yesterday, I really can-” It's the same answer as yesterday, and the day before that. Naegi’s turning around to unlock his door when Togami grabs his elbow.
“No.”
“….No?”
“Unless you have a real reason, other than just ‘I can’t’, you will be staying in my room for the night.” He looks away, frowning as he continues. “Even just ‘I don’t want to’ will suffice. I can understand emotions such as discomfort, Naegi. You haven't been getting enough sleep which will affect your work sooner or later, not to mention your mental and physical health. If you truly want to, as you have said, there’s no reason you can't . ”
Naegi can’t think of an excuse, and he doesn’t want to lie and say he doesn’t want to; he does want to, and he has every time Togami has asked. And it's - well, it's touching to hear Togami admit he's worried, even if it's done sorta abrasively. Without any way out, he has to accept. “…Alright.”
“Good.” Togami lets go of his elbow, and actually y looks genuinely relieved, if only subtly.
It’s only a short walk to Togami’s room, but it gives Naegi just enough time to build up dread for the coming night, and not enough time to calm down.
Togami is a light sleeper. He always had been, but it’s only gotten lighter since falling into too deep of a . sleep possibly mean death in Hope's Peak. It's thanks to this that when Naegi starts tossing and turning in his sleep, he wakes up within minutes. “Naegi, what the hell are you doing? Stop imitating a fish out of water and go -” He stops midsentence as he settles for a moment, and it becomes clear he’s still sleeping. Naegi has his hands twisted in the sheets, clutching at them for dear life. Between that and the whimpers that escape him - some of them stutters or fragments of Togami's name - it's clear he's having a nightmare.
Togami reaches out with a hand and shakes him. “Naegi, wake up.” Naegi shudders and mumbles something, but otherwise doesn’t stir. Togami frowns and shakes him again, harder this time. “Naegi, wake up, I said.”
That wakes him up, and his eyes shoot open as he bolts into a sitting position. Naegi pants heavily and chokes back a sob, seemingly having forgotten about Togami for the moment. He’s shaking. Naegi’s knees go to his chest and his arms goes around them, with his head resting on them. “Naegi.” Togami moves his hand onto his shoulder. Naegi’s head whips up and turns to him, eyes widening.
He does his best to give Togami a smile, to look like nothing’s the matter, like he hadn’t been seeing Togami in his dreams, exactly the same as the real him, except frozen and bloody and dying, but he can’t manage it. If anything makes its way out, it’s weak, the weakness Togami had always mocked him for in the mutual killing game in the same breath as he used to swear he would kill somebody and escape. He wouldn’t mock him, not now, not sincerely, but with all the memories flooding him his breath catches in his throat anyway.
He grounds himself somehow, managing to breath and speak. Naegi’s voice shakes and sounds as pained as he feels, and he curses himself. “I’m fine, Togami-kun. Just a bad dream.”
Togami sighs. "You idiot." He uses his grip on his shoulder to pull Naegi backwards and into him, his arm moving to his waist to pull him close. “And that’s why you’ve had ‘trouble’ sleeping, I presume?”
Naegi lets Togami pull him, hands grasping at his shirt as he tries not to shake. He doesn’t want to tell him, but the words make their way out anyway. “Y… yeah.” He settles against Togami’s chest. Part of him is glad to be with Togami after his nightmare, but he can still feel the wetness on his cheeks as tears slip out, and he bites his lip to keep himself from making any noise that would reveal that he’s crying.
Togami’s other hand moves to his hair, threading through the soft strands. “And how often do you have these nightmares?” He sounds irritated, but his voice manages to be soft and concerned too.
“Only sometimes.” The lie slips out before Naegi can consider telling the truth.
But Kirigiri isn’t the only one who can see right through him. “I don’t like being lied to, Naegi. Especially when the liar is awful at it.” Togami tightens his grip on him and Naegi gulps.
His voice drops and his arms thread around Togami, shaking as the remnants of his nightmares flash through his mind. His fingers keep their grip on Togami’s shirt to keep him grounded, to keep him losing his balance as he quietly admits the truth. “Most nights. If not every one.”
“And why was I not told?” Togami has always been so harsh, cold – the word freezing comes to mind, and Naegi shudders – and cutting, but his voice is gentle as he asks. It makes it a bit easier for Naegi to breathe.
“I…” Naegi pauses. He can’t not say it; Togami always had a way of getting the truth from him. He bites his lip. “I didn’t want you to worry.” As the words come out, he can’t help but feel incredibly silly for it.
"You find new ways to impress me with your idiocy everyday, it seems.” Togami sighs again, and his voice drops lower, even softer than before when he speaks. “You said my name.” It’s a question more than it is a statement. What were you dreaming of?
“Tonight it was the…. The execution plans. That Enoshima-san made.” Any sense of calm that had washed over Naegi was gone now, his voice and breathing wavering as the tears come all over again. “Yours.” Togami doesn’t say anything, and Naegi continues, voice choking up and thickening as a sob threatens to wrench its way out of his throat. “It was just so… so terrible, I couldn’t help but imagine it happening, especially with all the things you said at that place, and….!” Naegi breaks down for what feels like the hundredth night in a row, gripping on to Togami’s shirt as if for dear life and struggling to hold back violent sobs.
Togami can feel the tears soak through his shirt, and isn’t sure what to do but hold him close, so that’s all he does. He strokes Naegi’s hair, quietly letting him cry for the moment. When the last of his sobs wracks through him and his grip on Togami’s shirt loosens, he presses a light kiss against the top of Naegi’s head and moves his hands to his shoulders, gently pushing him away from his chest.
“That's incredibly foolish.” His words are still harsh, or at least they try to be; Togami isn’t used to tenderness, and it doesn’t quite suit him. Let nobody say that Byakuya Togami ever didn’t make an effort at something, though. “I am fine, you do realize that?” He slowly moves one of Naegi’s hand from its spot on his back, bringing it to his neck. “If you didn't know thanks to your incompetency , that's where my pulse is and I am not in the least bit cold.”
“I-I know, but-”
Naegi doesn’t have time to finish before Togami connects their lips, briefly and softly. “Quiet, you didn’t let me finish.” He sighs, letting go of Naegi’s hand and using his now-free hand to his cheek to wipe away a tear with his thumb. “As I was going to say, I understand that’s likely that’s of little help. So simply…” Togami pauses, resting his forehead against Naegi’s. He isn’t exactly sure what he’s doing, but he wasn’t about to let it show. “Try and calm down.”
He moves his hand and presses a soft kiss where his thumb had skimmed over a tear, moving his lips downwards from there and leaving a trail of kisses as he goes. Togami moves across his cheek, then to his nose, leaving a light kiss on its tip before moving to his other cheek. Naegi’s eyes flutter close and Togami moves to them, too, kissing the eyelids gently and then letting his kisses trace his forehead. It feels awkward and a bit disjointed, though the comfort it offers isn't lost; after all this time, he isn't uncomfortable with affection, but he isn't comfortable, either.
Togami only stops when Naegi’s breathing returns to normal and tears no longer threaten to spill over. He ends with a kiss on the corner of Naegi’s mouth, then pulls back to look at his face. “Have you managed to calm down now?”
Naegi gives a small nod. “Y-Yeah… I think so.” His voice still wavers, but it’s more stable and not holding back a flood of tears.
“Good.” Togami lies back down, and pulls Naegi with him. He lies on his side and uses an arm around him to pull him close, and Naegi scoots against Togami in response. His head ends up on Togami’s chest again, and his arms around him. “Quite obviously, you’ll be sleeping here from now on.” Naegi opens his mouth to speak. “No objections.” He closes his mouth again, only replying with a short nod. “Now… go to sleep. And do try to not wake me up with another nightmare.”
It’s the unspoken words, what Togami doesn’t say but what he means, that help Naegi drift into a dreamless sleep.