Chapter Text
November and December hadn’t been easy months for Yu and the rest of Inaba. Now that they’d beaten Adachi and gotten rid of the fog, though, the holiday spirit that had been lacking seemed to finally be here. Yu wasn’t thrilled about Dojima and Nanako still being in the hospital, but at least they seemed to be doing well, so he was forcing himself not to stress over it and to enjoy the season.
What he was stressing over, at the present time, was what to get everyone for Christmas. It wasn’t a huge holiday, so he would be forgiven if he chose not to get anyone other than Nanako a gift, but his friends had done so much for him this year and he wanted to express his appreciation for them in a concrete way. Which had seemed like a great plan, until he realised that Christmas was in six days and he had absolutely no idea what to get anyone.
At least he didn’t have to worry about Nanako and Dojima; he’d had their presents ready for a few days already. For Nanako, Yosuke had suggested a Junes apron from his previous uniform grown too small; Yu had just had to adjust its size to fit her. He’d also gotten her some cute Magical Detective Loveline bowl and spoon set. For Dojima, he’d ordered some new slippers since his were falling apart, and high-end coffee; fairly safe gifts, but likely to please the practical man.
His first attempt resulted in a fruitless evening spent searching for ideas on the internet. He was pretty sure none of the girls would appreciate being given face masks, except perhaps Rise — but she probably already had all she wanted or needed; nor did leather wallets seem like the correct way to say “thanks for fighting besides me” to Kanji and Yosuke. These gendered gift lists he kept finding could only be described as entirely unhelpful.
His walk through the shopping district the next morning was no more helpful — the stores were already rather picked over this close to the holidays, and unless he wanted to give away books or swords, there weren’t a whole lot of choices anyway.
His last hope of finding inspiration in Junes was cut short by Teddie running into him and trying to be "helpful" by sticking to his side unrelentingly. Yu finally had to buy some groceries to justify his presence and head home, still present-less.
It was later that day, after he'd prepared lunch to share, that he was struck by a wild idea. He’d been considering heading out to visit Margaret for a chat and a distraction, when he realised that Personas, being manifestations of one’s inner self, would know exactly what to get their wielders. If he just asked them, he’d be sure to make his friends happy.
There was an obvious problem with that, which was that generally, you could only communicate with your own Persona, not somebody else's — but Yu was a bit of an exception to that rule. He wasn’t sure if it was a gift from the Velvet Room to help him lead his team more efficiently, or if it had something to do with the social links he'd built, but the end result was that he could somewhat sense his friends' Personas in the TV world.
It wasn’t like his own Personas; he could command them but they couldn’t reply clearly. What they could do instead, was send him... emotions. Images. Like trying to speak to someone in a different language, all miming and suggestions. It wasn’t much, but at this point, he figured anything would help…
Yu hesitated to put his plan into action at first. They’d all agreed never to go inside the TV alone, and he didn’t like betraying his teammates’ trust — even if he knew he’d be perfectly safe, since he wasn’t planning to go any farther than the backlot. However, he was also very aware that if he didn’t make up his mind today it’d be too late to order anything online, and he was still completely blanking on what to get. His friends would understand, right? He was basically doing this for them, so they couldn’t complain.
Conscience as appeased as it was likely to get, Yu made his way to the electronics department later that evening and, after carefully checking for Yosuke and Teddie, jumped in.
He landed easily on the balls of his feet, finding the backlot oddly quiet without his friends there. The blue door to the Velvet Room shimmered in a corner, and the various paths to previously explored regions were still visible winding off into the distance, but he felt no immediate danger. Settling comfortably against the stack of TVs that were his way home, he closed his eyes and reached out.
The first Persona he called on was Himiko. He was used to talking to her directly via Rise,so he figured she would be the easiest to communicate with. She came easily to him, filling his mind with her usual aura — bright pink, cheerful, with an undercurrent of confusion.
Hello, Himiko, Yu thought in her direction, trying to put her at ease. I've got a special request for you tonight. Eagerness rushed through him; Rise’s Persona, like Rise herself, was always happy to help him. I want to buy Rise a gift, but I need help figuring out what she wants.
The confusion grew for a moment then faded, replaced by cheerful glee. Images started flashing behind Yu's eyes. Colors swirled, blurry at first before they resolved into a clearer picture — a paint set? Himiko confirmed it when he asked, adding paint brushes, landscapes, portraits. Yu smiled to himself. Rise was more than some fashion-obsessed idol, and those who didn’t realise it were missing out on the best parts of her. He was keen to see what works of art she’d create with her gift; maybe he could even ask to pose for her…
The next few Personas didn’t give him much trouble either. Konohana Sakuya’s images of scarves appearing and disappearing, of bunnies and top hats and wands, were a clear request for something related to magic tricks. He thought he’d seen a beginner’s kit at Junes that would do, although he did question whether it was really a wise decision to put that in Yukiko’s mischievous hands.
Tomoe, for her part, sent waves of sadness and a heart-rending cracking sound. Yu was surprised — he hadn’t realised she was that heartbroken over her snapped Trials of the Dragon DVD — but at least it would be a simple gift to find.
Kanji was easy to read as well; Take-Mikazuchi seemed embarrassed about it, but the black and white images of a detective movie Yu’d seen in his childhood were crisp and clear. Naoto must have told him about this movie, that or he was planning to see it with her; either way, it left Yu grinning. He was nearly certain Naoto returned his bleach-blond friend’s feelings, as was the rest of the team. The only doubt that remained was that of when they’d finally manage to confess to each other. When Rise had started the betting pool, Kanji’s obviousness had led Yu to pick a very early date, around late January, but after the last few months he was beginning to think Yukiko had it right when she chose the latest option of them all — somewhere in the middle of college.
He called up Sukuna-Hikona next, and his first images gave him newfound hope for his chosen date; the scarf Naoto wanted, thick and hand-knit with an understated but intricate pattern, was lovely, but he wasn’t the right person to be giving it. He told Naoto’s Persona as much, and while he sulked, made a mental note to find a way to slip Kanji the hint. His next request, a leather holster for her gun, seemed more appropriate; he figured Daidara should be able to make a gift-worthy one.
Kintoki-Douji was hard to understand at first. There were images of dinner, of Nanako, Yosuke and himself and even of Dojima, all wrapped in a warm, happy mood. It took Yu some time to figure it out — what Teddie was asking for wasn’t food. It was family. He felt his own chest warm as he realised that he was included in that. Teddie could be a bit much sometimes, struggling as he did to find his place in the human realm, but at the core he was truly a good person. That he had managed to create this personality for himself despite his origins as a shadow only made him more admirable. Yu decided to get him a board game and invite him and Yosuke over to play with Nanako during the break.
He’d left the hardest for last; not because it was hard to talk to Jiraiya, quite the opposite, but because that was the gift he most wanted to get right. He had so much to thank Yosuke for, from the way he’d instantly adopted him as a best friend, to his relentless support in the TV world. No material item could really be enough, but he had to at least try.
Settling back, he reached out for the familiar Persona… and got only silence in response. That was strange; all the others had come so willingly, and Jiraiya was usually the one he found easiest to contact apart from Himiko. Shuffling through his bag, he grabbed a can of TaP and downed it; he was beginning to feel a little drained after talking with everyone else, so maybe he just needed that extra boost. However, when he tried again, there was still silence in his head.
He was beginning to get worried now; he could figure out a gift on his own, but the absence of Yosuke’s Persona seemed like a bad sign. He worried something might have gone wrong. He was trying to decide whether to go check on Yosuke or to ask Margaret if she knew anything, when there was the slightest whisper on the edge of his consciousness. It wasn’t words so much as a pull, like someone had a thread tied around his chest and was tugging, very lightly but insistently, in a particular direction.
He grabbed his sword from where they’d stashed their weapons, figuring they’d never need them again, and followed the sensation, wondering where it would lead him.
The path was familiar, and before long he found himself standing in front of the gaping red vortex that led into the liquor store. There was no doubt in his mind now that this was related to Jiraiya’s disappearance; this was where they’d met Yosuke’s Shadow, after all. He knew it was foolish to even think of going in alone. However, he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving without doing anything. Something was wrong, something involving his best friend, and he was damned if he wasn’t going to try fixing it.
There was another reason for him to go in right now, alone as he was. He had a strong suspicion of what he’d find inside that store, and he knew Yosuke would never forgive him if he showed that to anyone else. Bringing Yosuke himself was out of the question; he’d already had to to do this once, Yu wasn’t going to make him do it again.
He finally settled for writing a short note on a scrap piece of paper, which he left pinned to the store’s outside wall with a small knife so anyone who came looking would know he’d gone in, before drawing his sword and stepping into the swirling vortex.
It was dark and musty inside, but the voices that had filled the room the last time were gone. In their absence, the liquor store felt even more ominous. Yu crept around carefully, his usual calm fraying in the menacing atmosphere. It was almost a relief when he finally heard the scrape of a shoe against the floorboards behind him.
When he turned, sword at the ready, Yosuke’s Shadow snickered. He was leaning against the bar, unmistakable with his bright yellow eyes as he swung one foot back and forth against the ground.
“Hello, partner,” he said in that awful voice Yu had forgotten. The contemptuous disdain it dripped with was entirely out of place coming from his best friend’s mouth. “I hear you’re looking for Christmas present ideas.”
The Shadow moved, or at least Yu assumed he must have since he was now sitting on a cask next to him, but it had gone so fast the only sign of motion was the slight breeze making papers in the room flutter. Yosuke had been fast from the very beginning and had only gotten faster as the year went on; it appeared that speed had carried over to his Shadow. Yu hoped very hard that their encounter didn’t end in a fight, because he wasn’t sure he would come out ahead just now.
He was distracted thinking of what Personas he had with him, of the fact that he hadn’t even put on armor to come here, when he felt his sword go flying out of his hand. He looked up in surprise to see the Shadow smirking.
“We already fought once, didn’t we? That’s more than enough. I’m only here to help.”
Yu glanced over at his sword, but it was too far to reach. He gulped. This was definitely looking worse; now he couldn’t physically defend himself. All he had left to rely on were the Personas currently with him, which weren’t the best suited to defend against Yosuke’s strengths. It had been entirely foolish of him to come here alone, he now realised. Yosuke wouldn’t have wanted him to risk death just to protect some rejected thoughts. His last hope was to somehow manage to talk the Shadow out of a confrontation.
“Why are you here?” he blurted out.
He realised only too late that as far as non-confrontational openings went, it wasn’t a great one. He couldn’t resist his curiosity, though. Shadows were defeated, turned into Personas, and then never seen again. That was how it had been for every instance over the past few months. So why was this one back?
Yosuke had seemed fine over the last few days, smiling and joking as usual — but then again, he’d been that same sunny self back in April too despite Saki, hadn’t he? It had taken Yu a long time before they’d gotten to the point where he’d held a crying Yosuke in his arms on the riverbank. Yosuke was excellent at hiding his feelings.
Not only that, but now that he thought about it, Yu realised Yosuke had been a little strange over the past few weeks. Nothing particularly worrying — until you added it all up. Distant looks. Conversations started, and then abandoned with a carefree “nevermind, it’s nothing.” Meals unfinished. Small, quiet signs, but from Yosuke, who’d been an open book to Yu ever since they’d met, it should have rang the loudest alarm bells. Something inside of Yu clenched at the thought that he’d failed to notice his best friend was hurting.
“...Is it about Saki?”
Yosuke’s Shadow stretched and jumped off the barrel. “Oh no, not at all.” He walked closer, his gait almost feline — predatory, smug. Dangerous. “We’re more than over her, don’t worry about that.” He stopped, less than an arm’s length away from Yu. “Nevermind why I’m here. You wanted to know what to get us for Christmas. Well, I know exactly what we want.”
The Shadow was looming over Yu now; for all that Yosuke was shorter than him, his Shadow could project a very believable impression of height. Yu looked into burning yellow eyes and couldn’t suppress the urge to take a step away. When his back hit the shelf behind him, the Shadow laughed.
“We want you.”
Yu blinked, confused. What was that even supposed to mean?
“Oh, don’t act coy,” the Shadow sneered as he pushed closer to Yu. “You know what I mean. We want to hold your hand, to comb through your hair, to press our lips against yours, our tongue in your mouth and sometimes when it’s late and he’s particularly desperate more than just your mouth —”
Yu had been frozen as the Shadow spoke but now he couldn’t take this anymore, couldn’t let his best friend’s face speak like this anymore — not because he was bothered by what it was saying, but these were private thoughts, intimate. Thoughts he shouldn’t be hearing or at least not like this, not from a Shadow self. He wanted to stop and take the time to think about what this meant for him and for their friendship, but that wasn’t the point; right now he needed to protect his friend. He reached for his sword —
And remembered that it was lying a few yards away, so far he would be dead thrice before he could even touch it.
When the Shadow saw his movement, he laughed and slammed a hand against Yu’s chest, pinning him to the shelves. Yu’s fear grew as Yosuke’s Shadow pressed so close he could feel his breath on his face.
“Oh, don’t worry. He’s too much of a coward to ever act on it and therefore, so am I. Anyway, you don’t want to hurt me, do you?”
“Why not?” Yu asked, although it was true — if it transformed into a monster, he’d attack gladly, but he wasn’t sure he had it in him to aim at the lifelike representation of one of his favorite people.
The Shadow dropped his hand and stepped back, freeing Yu to take a deep breath.
“Because we’re still one being. He’s terrified to admit his feelings, so afraid of facing them that I showed up, but he hasn’t come here and outright rejected them, either. If you destroy me, you’ll destroy all the feelings inside of me, too. I get the idea you don’t want to do that.”
“If I killed you, he’d stop wanting me?”
The Shadow scoffed. “Doesn’t it sound so neat and tidy when you put it that way. Yes. He would. He would also lose a little piece of himself, of what makes him Yosuke. Judging by why I showed up, probably a piece of what makes him love.”
That sounded… horrible. Yu knew he couldn’t do that to Yosuke. That meant he’d have to come back with Yosuke so he could officially reject him; and with the rest of the team too, since there was no way Yu could take on the freed form of this Shadow alone.
“I know what you’re thinking. Let’s just do what we did last time, turn me into a monster and kill me. But what do you think will happen to your friendship after you force us to reveal our love for you? Do you really think it’ll be the same?”
Love. Yu noted the word in his mind almost subconsciously, stuffed it in his back pocket to examine in more detail later.
“What do you suggest I do, then?”
“You don’t need to come here anymore, do you? You’ve done what you came for. Just keep Yosuke out, and no one has to fight anyone.”
They were supposed to be done, weren’t they? Jiraiya wasn’t necessary anymore. And yet… Yu couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something even bigger coming. This place, all of the TV world, there was still something so wrong about it. Teddie still complained, sometimes, that it wasn’t how it was supposed to be. And even if it had been he didn’t like the idea of leaving Yosuke like this. What if this rejected part of himself festered like a wound, grew worse until it destroyed all of him?
A tiny voice also whispered more selfish reasons for not wanting to sweep this under the rug. It was foreign, that little voice, a stranger but one that was making a lot of sense just then.
“What if he accepts you?” Yu asked.
“If he accepts me?”
“Yes. What if he accepts the feelings he’s currently rejecting. Will Jiraiya return? Will we still have to fight you?”
“I am Jiraiya regardless of my appearance. But yes, if he did, I would return to the form you know best, and we wouldn’t have to fight.”
Yu’s hopeful mood must have shown on his face, because Jiraiya continued, “What makes you think he’ll ever accept me? There’s a reason I showed up, you know.”
It was true, he couldn’t imagine it’d be easy. He remembered how Yosuke had reacted to Kanji’s steamhouse, saw it in a whole new light. But it didn’t have to be easy. He’d do it anyway.
“I’ll help him. I’ll make him accept it.”
“And how do you plan to do that?”
Yu shrugged. “I’m not sure yet, but I’ll figure it out. Anyway, are you always around here?”
Jiraiya nodded. “I can’t escape this place. That vortex you step through is as impenetrable as a brick wall, to me.”
“I’ll come see you again soon, then.”
Yu was about to step out when a thought struck him.
“Do you get bored in here?”
Jiraiya’s eyes went slitted. “Oh, not at all,” he said sarcastically. “After all, there’s so much to do in a liquor store when you’re a supernatural being that can’t drink.”
Yu reached into his bag and pulled out a book he’d bought earlier, some random new novel from Yomenaido. “Can you read?”
Jiraiya still seemed suspicious, but he reached for the book. “You’re giving me this?”
Yu nodded.
“What’s in it for you?”
“You’re a part of Yosuke, and I care about him,” he said, turning back to leave. Behind him, Jiraiya scoffed, but it didn’t sound like he was very upset.