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"You hang up." Sherlock teases over the phone — he and Moriarty don't always have this fight when they talk, just when they have time to spare. Unfortunately for all those listening, this happens to be often, which makes people pretty glad the two consultants prefer to text.
"No, you hang up." Jim whines.
"I refuse."
"No you don't!"
"Yes, I do."
"Seriously, Sherlock, either you hang up or I'm going to blow up your brother's car."
"That's fine, he could do with walking somewhere for once."
"I'll… I'll set Scotland Yard on fire!"
"Goody, I get to see Lestrade try and explain it away as a gas leak."
"I'll schedule a daylight robbery, but make it as mundane as possible so you don't have any fun with it!"
"Gasp! You wound me!" Sherlock chuckles, "I'm still not hanging up."
"Pleaaaassseee?"
"Nope."
"Do it!"
"Never."
"Come on!"
"You're so cute when you're desperate."
"Could you two act like grown-ups?" John calls from his bedroom.
"Why would I want to do that?" Sherlock asks, bemused at the question.
"Tell him I've got a sniper trained on his heart."
"Hush, James."
"What did he say?" John asks, now walking down the stairs.
"Snnniiippppppeeeerrrrrr."
"Shhh!" Sherlock emphasizes, "Nothing. Don't you have somewhere else to be?"
"I have plans with this girl from work."
"Then why insist on ruining my day?"
"This? This is your day?" John gestures to the phone, "You're just squabbling about who should hang up first!"
"Awww, Sherly, I'm the highlight of your day?" Jim teases, "But really, hang up and have your little argument. Unless you want me listening… it's certainly entertaining."
"I said shh!" Sherlock repeats, "And really John, we've talked about this. You don't hassle me about the strange things Jim and I do, and I won't deduce how quickly your current relationship will fall apart."
Watson wants to retort, even opens his mouth and intakes a breath to do so. But he lets it go, let the children bicker. I've got a real relationship to enjoy, not the… whatever the two insane geniuses have going on… "Fine. You're on your own for dinner."
"Was planning on it." Sherlock says, hardly eating most days anyhow.
Sherlock waits for the door to slam before speaking again, "Okay, he's gone."
"You, my dear, are a delight."
"You, my love, are a terror."
"I know. You love it."
"What are your plans this evening?"
"I was going to get dressed, watch a building collapse, pretend to be shocked, then I guess I have to go wire plastic explosives to the locks on the Iceman's vehicles…" Jim says dreamily.
"So… I'll see you at seven?"
"I'd love to come pick you up so you can join in," Moriarty chimes, "But you've got to hang up so I can get ready."
Sighing in defeat, Sherlock hits the "End Call" button. The threat of not seeing Jim that day was much more than he was willing to risk.
It was stupid, and probably very irresponsible, but being with Jim made Sherlock feel like the carefree child he was never allowed to be. Childhood with Jim… I could live with that.
He never wants to grow up.