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Chapter Text

Peter was working on his calculus homework when May slammed the front door open and then slammed it closed again. He jumped a bit off the couch as she tore through the apartment to the kitchen, not even bothering to say hello. He heard her yank open the drawer where they kept all their take out menus, and the only sound that filled the apartment was rifling papers and her heavy breathing.

“Aunt May?” Peter asked cautiously. He craned his head over the couch and gazed at her with nervous eyes. “Are you okay?”

May let out a sarcastic laugh. “Amazing! Fantastic, actually!” She shoved the drawer closed and looked back at Peter. “You remember that huge promotion I applied for?” Peter nodded his head. “Well I got it!” May practically yelled, throwing her arms in the air.

A huge grin split Peter’s face in two. “That’s amazing!” he exclaimed, vaulting himself over the couch to give her a hug. He stopped dead in his tracks when May didn’t return his enthusiasm. Her face was set in a scowl, and her arms were crossed tightly over her chest. “Or not…?” Peter asked slowly.

“It would be amazing,” May grumbled, “but those stupid, corporate hacks decided to move the training to Texas. Texas!” She shook her head and opened the menu. “Apparently it’s cheaper to train all of the offices together, but god only knows why I’d have to go to Texas.”

“I’ll be okay!” Peter promised quickly. “Aunt May, you deserve this.”

May’s face softened as Peter’s sincereness. “Honey,” she said softly, “the training’s going to last for almost a month. It’s a major step up in the company, and it’s intense.”

“Oh.”

Peter and May stood silently in the kitchen for a few moments. Peter wracked his brain to try and think of ways to make this work. He thought about staying at Ned’s, but it was already crowded enough there, and Peter’s enhanced metabolism would ensure he’d eat their entire fridge. He couldn’t do that to his best friend. MJ? He quickly shot down that idea. Maybe...

“I can practically hear you thinking,” May chuckled. She walked over and brushed a few of the curls off his forehead. “This isn’t your job to figure out.”

“But you worked so hard!” Peter protested. “And if I wasn’t here, this wouldn’t even be-”

May put her hand up and cut him off. “If you weren’t here, my life would be so, so empty. This is not your fault.” She tilted his chin so he was looking directly in her eyes. “Are we clear?”

“Did you already tell them no?” Peter asked, ignoring her question. No matter what May said, he knew she was in this position because Ben was gone and there was no one to take care of him.

“I have until tomorrow to give them my answer,” she replied. She gave the top of his head and kiss and playfully ruffled his hair, trying to lighten the mood. “Let’s order some dinner, huh?”

As she walked away to get her cell phone out of her purse, Peter felt guilt eat away at his stomach. May was the best person, and she deserved this promotion. He was going to figure out a way to make this work.

Peter took a deep breath as his hand hovered over his doorknob. He had worked all night, scheming and planning, and he figured out a solution that would put May on that plane so she could get the promotion she deserved. It was risky, and any wrong move would ensure that May would stay home and that he would be grounded for the rest of his eternal life.

He finally opened the door and put on a confident smile as he walked into the kitchen. May was already at the counter pouring cereal into a bowl when he snuck up behind her and wrapped her in the biggest hug.

“Woah!” she yelped, giggling as he lifted her effortlessly into the air. “What’s got you so hyped this morning?”

Peter spun around and put his hands on her shoulders. “You’re getting promoted!” he exclaimed.

“Honey,” May said, her face falling, “we already-”

Peter shook his head. “I know you don’t want me to be alone that long, so I found someone to stay with!” He paused for dramatic effect. “Mr. Stark!”

While Peter was pretty proud of his made-up plan, May looked less than impressed. “Tony Stark?” she asked, crossing her arms. “You’re going to stay with Tony Stark for an entire month?”

“Yeah!” Peter nodded. “I texted him last night, and he was totally fine with it! I’m over there a lot already, and it’ll make it easier for us to work on Spider-Man stuff.”

“Peter, I don’t know…” May trailed off, but Peter didn’t miss the way her eyes shined with excitement and a smile broke through on her lips. “You’ve only ever spent time there after school. An entire month is asking so much of him…”

“I promise I’ll be good,” Peter said, shaking her shoulders. “I’ll keep up with all my school work, I’ll stick to curfew for patrolling. Aunt May, you’ve got to do this!”

May stayed silent for what felt like an eternity before busting out in excitement. “Okay!” she finally shouted. She covered her mouth and laughed as if she couldn’t believe she was actually going to do this.

Peter smiled back at her proudly, and she wrapped him up in the biggest hug of her life.

Ned was less than impressed with Peter’s idea when he laid it all out during lunch a few hours later.

“Dude,” he said, stealing Peter’s Cheetos, “why didn’t you just actually ask Mr. Stark?”

Peter shook his head. “Mr. Stark is always super busy. There’s no way he’d want to waste time taking care of me.”

Truthfully, part of Peter felt conflicted. The two had gotten a closer since the whole Toomes incident. And sure, he had been spending more time after school at the Tower to work on all sorts of stuff in the lab, but that didn’t mean Tony would be willing to let him stay for an entire month. If Peter lived with him that long, his mentor would see how messed up he actually was. Iron Man didn’t need to know about the bullies. Or the nightmares. Peter quickly pushed those thoughts out of his head and simply shrugged at Ned.

Ned quirked his brow at his best friend. “Can you take care of you?” he asked. “You and May eat take out all the time, and you made the water explode when you tried to cook spaghetti.”

“It was one time,” Peter grumbled, stealing a few of his Cheetos back. “Ned, Aunt May really needs this.”

“As your Guy in the Chair, I disapprove of your methods,” Ned replied.

MJ plopped down next to Peter, practically scaring him half to death. “What do you disapprove of?” she asked.

Before Peter could come up with a lie, Ned was already talking. “May got a promotion and has to go to a month-long training in Texas, so Peter lied and said he was going to stay with Tony Stark so she wouldn’t feel guilty about leaving him.” He took a deep breath and stuffed a few more Cheetos in his mouth before shrugging at MJ.

“Can you even take care of yourself?” MJ asked Peter.

“Yeah!” Peter exclaimed, rolling his eyes.

“Didn’t you screw up the water while making spaghetti?”

“That was one time !”

MJ smirked. “I give you three days before you cave.”

Peter just shook his head. “I’m going to make this work. She needs this promotion.” He thought about how, despite Tony helping out with his school costs, money was insanely tight at home. Peter blew their grocery budget out of the water, and he couldn’t remember the last time May had done or bought anything for herself. “It’ll work,” he said again. “Without Mr. Stark.” He nodded to himself, confident that he had it all worked out. It would all be fine…

…right?

Chapter Text

Things were not fine.

Ned jammed his elbow into Peter’s side for the fifth time in half an hour during English class. They were discussing the themes of Hamlet , which was quite boring, but Peter normally did a better job of pretending to stay awake. Thankfully, their teacher hadn’t noticed Peter’s head flopped down against his desk.

“Dude!” Ned hissed as Peter jolted awake. “What the heck?”

“Sorry,” Peter sighed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Long night.”

It hadn’t even been 36 hours since May had packed her bags and headed to the airport, and Peter had a little bit of doubt as to whether or not he could last the whole month. Damn it for MJ being right.

Food was quickly becoming the first of many issues. May had stopped buying groceries a week before she left since Tony was supposed to be feeding Peter. There was plenty of pasta and frozen pizza for dinners, but Peter actually missed vegetables. He was trying to be as conservative as possible with the $100 May had left him for emergencies. Thankfully, his school lunch account had plenty of money on it, but breakfast was a major challenge. They had no cereal or milk, and Peter had a feeling his $100 was going to shrink after school today.

The apartment was surprisingly lonely without May. He’d been alone before, but he always knew May was coming back. The silence of the empty apartment after school yesterday had been stifling. So, he set out early for his Spider-Man patrolling.

The noise of the city had been comforting, and Peter spent almost seven hours out and about. He stopped a few carjackings, helped an old lady carry her groceries up the stairs, and rescued a cat from a sketchy-looking fire escape. It was only when he yawned five times in a row that he decided to head home because he had promised May he would be responsible.

But sleep did not come. Every creak, rattling pipe, and odd noise jolted Peter awake. Since he knew it wasn’t May making those noises, it set him on edge. He wound up piling a bunch of blankets against his door and gripping a random baseball bat in his hands as he guarded his bedroom for the rest of the night.

And then the nightmares had come just before sunrise. He had woken up screaming, tangled in his mess of blankets, the feeling absolutely suffocating. No had been there to comfort him, and it took him almost forty-five minutes to calm down enough and get his breathing back to normal. He wound up skipping breakfast completely in order to make his bus on time, and the lack of food was really catching up to him.

He was tired, hungry, and emotionally drained.

But he was fine...he had to be.

“It looks fine,” Tony said, handing the Starkpad back to Pepper Potts. He nestled deeper into his pillow and went back to his own tablet.

Pepper rolled her eyes and playfully bopped him on the head with an extra pillow. “Did you even read the contract?”

Tony zoomed in on the specs for his latest improvement to the Spiderman suit. “Uh huh, sure,” he replied distractedly, hardly even noticing the pillow.

Pepper stole the tablet out his hands and held it just above his reach. He whined and tried to grab it back, slightly miffed that she used her height difference to her advantage.

“FRIDAY!” he groaned. “Pepper’s being mean!”

“FRIDAY’s on my side tonight,” Pepper said before the AI could chime in. “These contracts are important, and you’ve been putting them off for weeks!”

“Sorry, Boss,” FRIDAY replied, “I’m going to have to agree with Ms. Potts on this one.”

“Ganging up on me,” Tony grumbled. He grudgingly grabbed Pepper’s Starkpad and skimmed through the documents while she smiled smugly at him. “These look really good,” he said after a few minutes. “Nice job negotiating the interest rate down.”

“That’s why I’m running the company,” Pepper grinned.

“That you are,” Tony replied, leaning in to give her a kiss. Before their lips could touch, FRIDAY interrupted.

“Boss, I’ve got May Parker on the line.”

Tony’s heart rate instantly increased. To say his relationship with May was lukewarm was kind. When she found out her kid was Spider-Man, she dragged Peter to the Tower so she could tell Tony and Peter off in person. He had felt her rage and concern and frustration as she screamed at him about “irresponsibility” and his “billionaire complex”.

Things had gotten better once they had worked together and set down some ground rules for Peter. His Spider-Man stuff was much more closely supervised than when the teen had been going out on his own. Tony and May also occasionally texted (mostly about Peter), but he still wouldn’t classify their relationship as being particularly close.

Tony sighed, his romantic gesture ruined. “Put it through, Fri. It’s probably something about the kid.”

“May Parker is connected,” FRIDAY said a few moments later.

“Hey May!” Tony called up to the ceiling. “How’s it going?”

“Ugh, exhausting,” she chuckled. “But I’m doing good. Listen, I have a bit of a favor to ask you…”

“What’s up?”

“I completely forgot that I volunteered to chaperone for Peter’s field trip to the Museum of Mathematics in two weeks. I know you’re already doing so much, but would you mind going in my place? It would mean a lot to Peter.”

Tony already had his calendar pulled up. “What’s the date?” he asked.

“The 17th. It’s the Friday before Spring break.”

He tapped his screen and created an event in his calendar. “Got it.”

“Thank you!” she replied, letting out a breath. “I really appreciate it.”

Tony smiled. He hadn’t been to the Museum of Mathematics before, but he had heard about it from some of his employees who had taken their kids. It was supposed to be a pretty cool place. “So did a work thing come up?” he asked.

“Um, yeah,” May laughed, as if Tony had just asked a ridiculous question. “My promotion?”

“Congratulations!” Tony exclaimed. Peter and May never said anything outright, but he knew they sometimes struggled financially. This must have been a big deal for both of them.

“Thanks!” she replied, and Tony could tell from the tone of her voice that she was smiling. “And I really need to thank you,” she added with more sincerity than Tony had ever heard her use before. “I wouldn’t even have this promotion without you.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Tony said, slightly confused by her statement. Pepper looked at him curiously, and he just shrugged his shoulders.

“Yeah, but you’re watching Peter for me,” May replied. “I couldn’t go to this training and leave him behind for so long. So, seriously, thank you.”

Tony eyebrows shot up at that one, but he tried to play it cool. “The training?”

May scoffed. “Yeah, Texas is definitely no New York.”

“You’re in Texas right now?!” Tony was more confused than ever.

“Right?!” May laughed. “It’s the stupidest thing! But I’m actually learning a lot, so I can’t say it hasn’t been helpful.”

Tony was slowly putting the pieces together in his mind. May got a promotion. May was in Texas. May was in Texas without Peter. Peter was supposed to be staying with Tony.

Peter was not currently staying with Tony.

“Remind me again what day you’re coming back?” Tony said nonchalantly. “Peter was a bit fuzzy with some of the details.” Like all of them apparently. He waved off Pepper who was gesturing at him in a “ wtf is going on” kind of way.

“End of the month, around the 30th,” May replied, completely oblivious. “And I know I gave Peter money, but if you need any more for food or-”

“Don’t even worry about it,” Tony said, already getting out of bed. He grabbed a pair of sweatpants out of his dresser and slipped them on over arc reactor boxers. Pepper was up and digging through the closet, and she tossed him a sweatshirt.

“Thanks again, Tony,” May said softly. “Tell him I said goodnight, would you?”

“Oh don’t worry,” Tony promised, “I will.” He waited until he heard FRIDAY’s beep signaling the end of the call before he exploded. “WHAT THE HELL?!”

“Tony-” Pepper said calmly.

“No!” Tony exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “Seriously, what the hell?! Did he really just think he could get away with staying on his own for an entire MONTH?!”

“Apparently,” she replied dryly.

“I mean,” Tony continued to rant, “for as smart as the kid is, he can be an absolute idiot!” He paced around the room, while Pepper resumed her seat on the bed. “He makes rash decisions, gets in stupid situations because of said rash decisions-”

“Wow,” Pepper said sarcastically. “That doesn’t sound like anyone I know.”

Tony pointed a finger at her. “I see what you’re doing,” he replied, shaking his head at her. “I’m not like that.”

“No, not at all,” Pepper grinned.

Tony waved her off and went to the door. “I’m picking up the kid. If you hear someone being murdered when we come back, don’t worry about it.”

“Tony, wait.” Tony sighed and turned around, looking at Pepper expectantly. “I know you’re upset,” she said slowly, “and you have every right to be. But maybe there’s a reason he didn’t actually ask you.” Tony opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off. “I’m not saying it’s a logical reason, or that it’s right,” she continued, “but he’s a teenager and you’re the adult. Maybe just...calm down a little before you get there?”

Tony clenched his jaw. “I just don’t get why he didn’t even ask,” he said softly. Pepper didn’t miss the slight hurt in his voice, and before she could say anything in return, he disappeared into the hallway, closing the door shut behind him.

Peter was startled awake by someone knocking ferociously on the apartment door. The crick in his neck that had formed from leaning against his bedroom door was forgotten as all of his senses were on high alert. He could feel every scratchy fiber of the blankets beneath him, smell the musty odor from his dirty laundry, and every bang against the wood echoed painfully inside his skull.

“Peter!” he heard a familiar voice yell. “I know you’re in there!”

Peter’s eyes widened and his blood turned to ice as he recognized the angry voice.

“Kid, if you don’t open this door in five seconds, I’m blasting it down!”

Peter didn’t hesitate before jumping up and rushing to the front. He yanked the door open and found Tony Stark himself standing in the hallway in a black sweatshirt and sweatpants.

Peter gulped nervously and backed into the apartment as Tony stepped forward. “M-M-M-Mr. St-Stark, wha-, uh, what are you-”

Tony’s glare immediately shut him up. “Just don’t, Peter.” He glanced around the empty apartment. “The game’s up. Your aunt called to thank me for watching her nephew, who, guess what? Wasn't even staying with me!"

Peter sucked in a deep breath. He was busted, and he knew it. “Does May know I wasn't there?” he asked softly.

Tony shook his head with enough force that it made Peter cower a little. “No, thankfully, I covered for your ass. Now pack your bags and let’s go.”

“G-Go?” Peter asked, his heart pounding.

“Yes,” Tony replied, rolling his eyes. “To the Tower, where you’re about to be on lockdown for this little stunt.”

“But you can’t!”

“Oh yes I can,” Tony practically growled. “Unless you want me to call May, you’re going to pack a bag and be ready to leave in five minutes.”

Peter’s shoulders slumped, and Tony saw for the first time just how tired the teen looked. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his skin was paler than normal. His hands were shaking, and it made Tony feel a little bad about how harsh he was being, but he knew Peter had no clue just how stupid his lie was.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark,” Peter whispered.

“Just go get your stuff.”

Peter took a deep breath as he walked over to his room and willed himself not to get emotional. The whole reason he had avoided staying with Tony in the first place was because he didn’t want the man he looked up to to realize that he wasn’t as strong as everyone thought.

He felt like a stranger had taken over his body as he numbly shoved random clothes and school books into his duffel bag. He wasn’t even sure if he was packing enough, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He had enough sense to grab his laptop, backpack, and Spider-Man suit before meeting Tony outside his apartment. Tony watched as the teen locked up, and then they headed outside in silence.

Tony had driven himself, and as soon as Peter had situated himself in the passenger seat, they left. Peter waited for the explosion, the lecture, anything really, but all he got was silence. Tony didn’t even turn on the radio. In a way, Peter was relieved because his overactive senses were finally getting a break. Tony’s car did an awesome job blocking out external noise, and Peter found himself slowly dozing in the heated seats.

Tony shook him awake once they were in the Tower’s parking garage, and they walked to the elevator without saying a word. FRIDAY took them up to the right floor without even having to be asked. They soon stood outside what Peter assumed was his room, and Tony just stared at the teen, who was staring at the floor.

“You know, kid,” Tony finally said, breaking the silence, “I would have said yes if you had asked me.”

And he turned around and walked away.

Chapter Text

Peter woke up screaming.

The nightmares always started off the same. He was trapped under tons of rubble, the concrete suffocating him and water running down his face. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t-

“Peter!”

He opened his mouth to shout for help, but nothing came out. His arms shook violently as he tried to lift the building off of him, and he watched as Toomes stood above him and laughed.

“Peter, wake up!”

And then, as they always did, Peter’s arms gave out, and he was plunged into darkness. The pressure was too much, and just when he thought he was about to explode-

“PETER!”

Peter gasped and sat up violently, tears streaming down his face. His whole body shook as his choked out ragged breaths. He thought he could hear a voice, and for a second he flinched, thinking it was Toomes, but this voice was gentle and kind. He tried to focus on the voice, but he could only hear his heartbeat pounding erratically in his ears.

He felt something grab his hand and place it on the soft fabric of a t-shirt. Peter felt a steady heartbeat under his palm.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

“Breathe with the beat, kiddo,” the voice said. It was closer now, but it still sounded foggy.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Peter closed his eyes and tried to match his breathing with the thumps. A hand rubbed small circles on his back while the other kept his firmly placed over the heartbeat.

“There you go,” the voice encouraged. “Just like that.”

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

After almost ten minutes, Peter was able to open his eyes. He blinked as the room came back into focus, but what he saw wasn’t his bedroom in Queens. And then he remembered everything.

Someone shifted next to Peter, and his heart sank when he realized who it was. He yanked his hand and tried to back away from Tony.

“M-M-Mr. St-Stark,” he stuttered, his body still shaking. “I’m s-s-s-sor-sorry!” He let out a sob. “I’m so sor-” But he didn’t want to back away. He wanted May and her hugs and his bed and for the nightmares to just stop. He leaned towards Tony subconsciously despite trying to escape just moments before.

Tony’s arms were wrapped around Peter in an instant, and the teen melted in the embrace. His entire body shook as he cried, letting all of his guilt and fears out.

“Shhh,” Tony soothed, gently rocking Peter back and forth. “You’re safe. You’re okay.”

“I did-didn’t mean t-to-” Peter tried to explain, tried to form the right words, but everything just got stuck in his throat.

“I’ve got you, bud,” Tony said softly. “I’ve got you.”

And he held Peter until the teen fell asleep in his arms.

The next time Peter woke up, it was slow and lazy. He felt like he had been hit by a tractor trailer (and he knew from experience what that felt like), and he had no desire to leave the warm blanket he was currently cocooned in. He groaned as he opened his eyes and stretched out on the bed. His hand came in contact with a stomach, and the person let out a small yelp.

“Geez, kid,” Tony chuckled, running his hands through his messed up hair, “even half asleep you pack quite a punch.” His neck was sore from leaning against the headboard, so he quickly rolled it side to side before turning his full attention to Peter. “You wanna talk about last  night?” he asked.

Peter shook his head and buried it under the covers. He could feel the heat burning off his cheeks in embarrassment as memories from the nightmare came back to him in flashes. He hadn’t just cried in front of Tony, he’d sobbed like a baby while making Tony hold him . And that was on top of getting busted for lying to his aunt.

“Okay then,” Tony said from outside Peter’s blanket burrito. “Let’s try this.” He paused and drummed his fingers thoughtfully on the mattress. “Do you get a lot of nightmares?’

Peter, against his better judgement, felt himself nod underneath the covers.

“Panic attacks?”

Peter nodded.

“You feel weak sometimes?”

Peter felt tears prick his eyes as he nodded again.

“Me too.”

That was not what Peter was expecting. He slowly pulled the covers off of his head and sat up, tugging the blanket up to his chin.

“Really?” he whispered. Tony nodded. “About what?”

“Afghanistan. New York. Ultron.” Tony held a finger up after each one as if going down a list. “You name it, I’ve probably dreamt about it.” He paused. “Can I touch your shoulder?” he asked. When Peter nodded, he gave the shoulder a gentle squeeze, and he could almost feel some of the tension leave the teen’s body.

“I don’t want to be an Avenger right now,” Peter said softly.

Tony blinked. “I know, kid. You made that pretty clear before.”

Peter shook his head. “I don’t want to be one now , but maybe someday.”

“Okay…” Tony said slowly.

Peter swallowed thickly. “And I was afraid...I was afraid that if I stayed here...and you saw me like this…” He took a shaky breath. “You’d change your mind.”

Tony furrowed his brows. “Saw you like what? The nightmares?” Peter nodded. “You think I’d keep you from being an Avenger because you get nightmares?”

“They make me weak,” Peter replied, his tone full of defeat.

Tony’s grip on his shoulder got tighter, but not in an uncomfortable way. “They make you human , Pete. It means you can still feel. If you ever lost the ability to feel, to care, that’s when I’d be worried.” He chuckled. “That’s seriously why you didn’t ask?”

“Yeah,” Peter admitted.

Tony let out a huge exhale. “Thank god!” he exclaimed, flopping back against the headboard. “I thought you didn’t want to be around me!”

Peter gaped at Tony. “Are you kidding?” he asked. “You’re the smartest, coolest, most awesome-”

Tony laughed and swatted at Peter with a pillow. “Okay, okay, I get the idea! Pepper would kill you for inflating my ego even more. She says it barely fits inside the Tower as it is.” He clapped Peter’s shoulder before getting out of the bed. “Now get up and get a shower. I don’t care if it’s Saturday, you don’t get to sleep the whole day away.”

Peter’s stomach grumbled, and he threw back the covers. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he yawned. He felt a huge weight lift off his chest. Not only did Tony not judge him for the nightmares and anxiety, but he also wasn’t going to be alone for an entire month.

Tony stopped in front of the door and turned back around. “Oh, and Peter?”

“Yeah?”

Tony smiled sweetly. “You’re still in major shit for lying to your aunt.”

But Peter didn’t care because he wasn’t alone anymore. He grinned back at his mentor and gave him a thumbs up.

“Got it Mr. Stark!”

Chapter Text

The first thing Harley Keener noticed about New York City when he hopped off the Greyhound bus was just how freaking huge  it was. He had seen pictures and videos from TV, but standing in front of the bus terminal, which was nestled between two skyscrapers, was something else.

Someone knocked into his shoulder as he stared up in awe, and he quickly moved off to the side. He had quickly learned that people were not as nice as they were in Tennessee. Apparently, southern hospitality really did stop once you crossed the Mason-Dixon Line.

Harley shrugged it off, like he was doing to most things these days, and he quickly unfolded the directions he had pocketed when he first left home. His stomach grumbled for breakfast, but he had run out of money somewhere in Virginia, so his only option was to move forward.

Or left, technically, according to his directions.

Harley tried not to gawk as he carefully navigated his way through the streets of New York. There were more people on the sidewalk than in Harley’s entire town, and he couldn’t help but feel a little bit out of place.

His nerves built up the closer he got to his destination. His plans were usually well-thought out and meticulous. Sure, they didn’t always work out perfectly, but in this case, he had no backups, no alternate blueprints. If this didn’t work, he was out of money, and out of ideas.

Harley checked off the last step in his directions and looked up. The Avengers Tower was taller than any building in the surrounding area, and the giant A loomed over the city like a guardian angel. And at one point, that’s exactly what it would have felt like. But even Harley paid attention to the news. The Avengers were done, and despite resolving the issues of the Accords, the team was split up. Divorced. Irreconcilable differences.

“Here goes nothing,” Harley murmured to himself. He took a deep breath and walked through the automatic doors into the lobby. He breezed past the front desk as if he belonged there, and no one gave him a second look. Harley grinned and glanced down at his polo shirt and khakis, which had managed not to get too wrinkled on the long bus ride to the city. The first key about sneaking past someone was blending in, and Harley looked like an average (albeit younger) employee about to head to work on a Saturday.

Harley went straight for the bank of elevators in the back of the lobby. He waited until one was clear before stepping inside. Once he was alone, he looked up to the ceiling.

“Hello?” he asked. “I’m looking for Tony Stark’s AI.”

There was a brief pause, and Harley was afraid he just made himself look like an idiot by talking to a ceiling. But thankfully, someone responded back.

“I’m FRIDAY,” the AI replied, her accent sounding brilliant to Harley’s ears. “How may I be of assistance?”

Harley cleared his throat and tried his best to sound confident. “I came here to see The Mechanic,” he replied, hoping the code name would trigger some type of recognition. “Please,” he added as an afterthought. His mother would kill him for being rude, even if it was to an AI.

Silence.

Then, suddenly, the elevator started moving up.

Peter groaned as another Cheerio pinged against his forehead. “Mr. Stark!” he yelped. “Stop!”

Tony merely grinned and aimed another. “Consider it part of your punishment,” he replied, flicking the next Cheerio.

Pepper smacked Tony on top of the head with the spatula before returning to prepping the french toast. “Leave him alone,” she chided. “Or no french toast for you.”

Tony gasped dramatically. “What?! You wouldn’t dare!”

“Watch me,” Pepper shot back, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Boss,” FRIDAY suddenly interrupted. “You have a visitor.”

Tony scrunched his nose in confusion. “What? I don’t have anything on the schedule for today.” He glanced at Pepper. “Do I?” Pepper shook her head.

“I don’t think his visit was scheduled,” FRIDAY replied.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Fri, we’ve already gathered that. Anything else you care to tell me about said visitor?”

“He asked to see The Mechanic.”

Peter didn’t miss the way Tony’s eyes widened and his heart rate increased at FRIDAY’s response. He also didn’t miss Tony’s eyes flash with concern, and he wondered who could possibly make Tony react like this.

“FRIDAY, scan-”

“Already done, Boss. Scans confirm that Harley Keener is currently standing in elevator six in the lobby.”

Pepper glanced at Tony. “Keener?” she asked. “The boy from Tennessee?”

Tony nodded. “Send him up,” he told FRIDAY. Then, he shook his head. “What the hell?”

Peter suddenly felt very out of place, and he raised his hand to catch Tony’s attention. “Uh, Mr. Stark?” he asked softly. “Should I leave?”

Tony looked over and finally remembered that Peter was in the room with them. “No, kid, of course not,” he replied.

The elevator dinged down the hall, and Peter heard tentative footsteps on the tile floor. A few seconds later, a boy with shaggy, blondish-brown hair dressed in a polo and khakis was standing in the kitchen. He had a backpack stuffed to the gills stretched across his shoulders, and his expression was trying to be confident, but there was definitely some nervousness in his eyes.

“Hey,” the kid said quietly.

Tony stood up, still gripping the box of Cheerios, and walked over to the kid, giving him a once over. “Hey yourself,” Tony replied.

There was a bit of an awkward pause, and Peter really sucked at awkward pauses. “Hi!” he exclaimed a bit too loudly. “I’m Peter!”

The kid visibly relaxed and smiled back. “I’m Harley. Harley Keener.”

“Hi Harley,” Pepper said, turning around from the stove. “I’m Pepper Potts. Tony’s fiance.”

Harley’s jaw dropped. “Oh my gosh!” he squealed. “Pepper Potts! You’re CEO of Stark Industries!” Pepper let out a small laugh at the recognition before nodding. “You’re so awesome!” Harley continued to gush, and Peter nodded in agreement.

“Why thank you,” Pepper replied graciously. She shot a glance at Tony. “At least some people recognize more than 12% of brilliance.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “I’m never gonna live that comment down, am I?” Without waiting for an answer, he jabbed Harley’s shoulder with the box of Cheerios. “What brings you here, kid?” he asked. “Last time I checked, Tennessee isn’t within walking distance.”

Harley shrugged, eager to change the topic. He glanced at Peter, who was still sitting awkwardly at the island counter. If he squinted his eyes just right, he could kind of see a resemblance between Peter and Tony.

He nodded towards Peter. “So, uh, is he like your illegitimate son or something?”

Tony dumped the whole box of Cheerios over his head for that one.

“I’m offended,” Peter lamented, spearing a stack of french toast with his fork, “that you were offending by Harley calling me your son.” He glanced at Harley. “Which I’m not, by the way. Just in case that wasn’t clear.”

Harley smirked as he dug into his own breakfast. “Trust me, I heard you the first seven times you said it. Or squeaked it if you wanna get technical.”

After Pepper had yelled at Tony about making a mess on her kitchen floor, she made him clean it up and had Harley and Peter set up the table for breakfast, effectively pausing all conversations about why Harley was in New York.

“Okay, first of all,” Tony shot back, “you’re still grounded, Underoos, so zip it. Second of all, I’m offended that both of you think I don’t know how to use protection. They’re called condoms, and I’m always prepared.”

Peter covered his face with his hands. “Mr. Stark!” he yelped, wishing he could disappear into the floor. “I didn’t need to know that!”

“About condoms?” Tony asked, a mischievous grin taking over his face. “Peter, I really hope your fancy school is teaching you sex ed. Because safe sex is-”

“A discussion that can take place later,” Pepper interrupted, saving Peter from melting into a puddle of embarrassment. “I was serious when I said you wouldn’t get french toast.”

“But honey!” Tony gasped. “What if Peter goes and has wild, crazy sex and we had the perfect chance to talk but we didn’t ?”

Pepper smiled sweetly at Peter. “Can you promise not to have wild, crazy sex until you get the sex talk?”

“I will literally do anything to end this conversation right now,” Peter said, sinking lower and lower into his chair.

Harley watched the whole scene in front of him in awe. Maybe this was invasion of the body snatchers because the Tony he was looking at had the same wit and humor as the one Harley knew five years ago, but he seemed more...domestic? Relaxed?

Harley blinked as someone snapped their fingers in front of his eyes. Tony waved his hand in front of Harley’s face. “Earth to Keener? You still with us, kid?”

“Uh, yeah,” Harley replied sheepishly. “What’d you say?”

“I asked why you’re in New York,” Tony replied. “And no deflective questions this time, please.”

Harley sighed. It was now or never. “So my mom got married two weeks ago-”

“Did he hurt you?” Tony interrupted, his eyes glancing over Harley protectively.

“What?” Harley asked, surprised. “No! Roger’s a really cool guy.” Tony relaxed a bit, so Harley continued with the story. “He owns this travel agency, so he and my mom are off on a six-week safari for their honeymoon. My sister and I were staying with my aunt, but…” He trailed off and looked down at his plate. “She, uh, kicked me out,” he finally admitted.

“What happened?” Pepper asked before Tony could jump in.

“I was just trying to fix the toaster!” Harley promised. “But I messed up the wiring and it flung toast right in her face. And we’ve never gotten along anyway, so it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, I guess. I went back to my house and tried to make it work, but…” He paused and swallowed thickly, like the next sentence pained him to say. “But living alone really sucks.”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, it does.”

Harley glared at him. “What could possibly know about how I feel right now?”

“My aunt got a promotion,” Peter explained, “and it’s in Texas for a whole month. It’s just her and me, so she wasn’t going to go. But I lied and told her I was going to stay with Mr. Stark, but I never actually asked. And I tried to make it work too, but it was exhausting and stressful.” Peter paused and looked at Harley. “You’re right, I don’t know what it feels like to be kicked out, but I do know it sucks to be alone.”

“But now you’re not,” Harley pointed out.

“Now I’m not,” Peter agreed.

“You need to call your mom and tell her what happened,” Tony said.

“No way!” Harley exclaimed. “Tony, Roger makes my mom so happy, and you know how hard she works. She deserves this vacation.”

“Wow, this origin story sounds very familiar,” Tony deadpanned, shooting Peter a look. Peter stuffed a huge forkful of french toast in his mouth and shrugged his shoulders as if he had no idea what Tony was talking about.

Tony shook his head and looked back to Harley. “She deserves to know her kid drove halfway across the country because his aunt was an asshole.”

“Bus,” Harley corrected. “I took a bus.”

“Bus?” Tony asked. “Didn’t I get you a car? Don’t tell me you broke that too.”

Harley shook his head. “I never would’ve had the money for gas, so I took the bus instead.”

“So let me get this straight,” Tony said, resting his fingers under his chin, “instead of calling your mom, you took a bus, alone, all the way to New York City.” Harley nodded. “What were you trying to accomplish, kid?”

“I figured I could stay with you,” Harley replied simply.

Tony raised his brows. “Oh yeah? And what on Earth made you think I’d say yes to that?”

“Cause we’re connected,” Harley grinned cheekily.

Tony snorted and shook his head. He looked at Pepper who was looking at him intently. Tony then looked at  Peter who was looking at Harley as if he wanted to wrap him up in a blanket and watch movies with him all afternoon. And Harley...Harley was looking at Tony with the same hopeful look that he had five years ago right before Tony drove off in his car. Tony took a deep breath and contemplated his decision.

“Yeah, okay,” Tony finally replied, shocking them all.

“You can stay.”

Chapter Text

“So let me get this straight,” Peter said, side-eyeing Harley as they walked through Target, “you know Mr. Stark because you nearly shot him with a potato gun after he broke into your garage?!”

“No, I nearly shot Tony when he broke into my garage,” Harley replied, hopping onto the bottom rung of the cart. “He’s not a principal, you know. You don’t have to call him Mr. Stark.”

Peter cheeks puckered in, like using “Tony” was somehow illegal. “No way!” he exclaimed.

Harley patted his shoulder as he hopped back onto the floor. “Don’t worry, it’s really easy. Watch.” He cupped his hands over his mouth. “Tony!” he called across the aisle. Tony and Pepper both stopped and glanced back at the teens. “Never mind!” Tony rolled his eyes and pulled Pepper back into their heated conversation.

Harley smirked at Peter. “See? Easy.”

“I’m gonna stick to Mr. Stark,” Peter replied.

“How do you know him anyway?” Harley asked.

“Umm…” Peter paused. He liked Harley, but he wasn’t sure he liked him enough to share his Spider-Man secret yet. “Internship?”

Harley raised his brows. “Are you asking me or telling me?”

“Telling you!” Peter quickly covered. “Definitely telling you. I know Mr. Stark through his internship.” He cleared his throat. “I’m his, uh, personal intern.”

Harley knew Peter was hiding something, and he was determined to get it out of him before he left at the end of the month. That, and he was going to get him to drop the whole “Mr. Stark” thing. But considering they were going to be roommates, he didn’t want to push him away this early into the friendship.

“You ever meet any of the Avengers?” Harley asked.

Peter thought back to the airport fight in Germany. “Sort of…” he replied. “It was kind of tense.”

“I bet!” Harley laughed, causing Peter to grin.

Up ahead, Tony was getting an earful from Pepper about their current predicament. They were talking in hushed tones so Peter’s super hearing wouldn’t pick them up.

“Peter is one thing,” Pepper whispered, “but two teenagers for an entire month? Don’t tell me you thought this through, because I know you didn’t.”

“What should I have done?” Tony whispered back. “Told the kid to go home? Make his mom come back from her honeymoon?” He shook his head. “Harley staying here makes the most sense. Besides,” he added, waggling his eyebrows at Pepper, “it could be good practice…”

“Practice for what?” Pepper asked. Her eyes widened when Tony looked down at her stomach. “Tony!” She slapped his shoulder, and he let out a little yelp. “This isn’t like getting a puppy to see if we can handle kids! These are two, well-developed, genius teenagers.”

“So...” Tony said slowly, “you’re saying we should get a puppy too?”

Pepper reached over and grabbed the nearest pillow off the shelf and began smacking Tony in the head with it. “You. Are. Missing. The. Point!” she grunted with each thwack.

Tony held up his hands in surrender. “Stop! I get it! I get it! C’mon, watch the hair!” Pepper put the pillow down, and Tony rubbed small circles on her shoulders. “Just, trust me, okay?” he asked. “They’re good kids.”

“I’m not saying they’re not,” Pepper replied with a sigh. “It’s just...there’s a lot more to raising kids than sending them off to school and letting them play in the lab once homework’s done.”

“I hear you, I really do,” Tony promised. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked Pepper in the eye. “But, maybe I need this too,” he admitted quietly.

Pepper’s intense gaze softened. “What do you mean?” she asked.

“It’s just…” Tony paused and tried to figure out the right words to say. “My dad sucked. Big time. Made me feel about two feet tall when he wasn’t ignoring me. And I just...maybe I just...maybe I just need this to prove I’m not him.”

“Tony,” Pepper whispered, leaning in to kiss his forehead, “you are not your father. And you don’t need to take care of Peter and Harley to prove that.”

Tony nodded, but held up a hand. “Fair enough, but let’s just say, for argument’s sake, that under all this sexiness”-He paused and waved his arm up and down his body-”there’s a tiny part of me buried way down there that kind of wants to take care of them.”

Despite Tony’s joking attitude, Pepper could see that he was serious. She thought back to the previous night and how Tony had actually been hurt that Peter didn’t ask him to stay. She thought about the immediate look of concern that flashed over Tony’s face when Harley talked about his aunt. The more she thought about it, the more she realized he meant what he said.

He actually wanted to take care of the kids.

Pepper grinned and took Tony’s hand. “Well, then for argument’s sake, I say you do it. We do it,” she corrected.

“Uh, guys?”

Tony and Pepper turned around to find Harley and Peter wheeling the cart up to them.

“What exactly are we doing in Target, Mr. Stark?” Peter asked.

“Shopping for your rooms,” Tony replied, as if it were obvious.

Harley and Peter shared a glance. “Our rooms?” Harley asked. “What could we possibly need that you don’t already have?”

Tony ticked off his fingers. “Sheets, blankets, pillows, towels-”

Harley knocked his knuckles on Tony’s head. “Have you lost your hearing in your old age? I said that you don’t have, and I’m willing to bet you already have that stuff.”

Tony waved Harley’s hand away before smacking him in the shoulder. “First of all, smartass, I’m not that old. Second of all, the stuff I have is boring, and you don’t need boring.”

“Mr. Stark, you don’t need to buy us all new stuff,” Peter said, uncomfortable with the idea of Tony spending money on him. “I don’t mind using what you already have.”

“Same here,” Harley agreed.

Pepper watched Tony’s expression fall, and she completely understood what he was trying to do. “I think what Tony’s trying to say,” Pepper cut in smoothly, “is that if you’re both living with us for an entire month, your rooms should feel like home. We want you to feel at home, and we really don’t mind doing it.”

“Oh,” Peter and Harley said together, totally stunned. This was way more than either of them had been expecting.

“I-I mean,” Peter stuttered, “c-could we maybe have a budget? So we don’t feel like we’re taking advantage?”

“Yeah,” Harley nodded. “Budgets are good!”

Tony hummed thoughtfully and looked up at the ceiling as he tried to think of a number. It literally did not matter in the slightest to him how much they spent, but if the teens wanted a budget, they could have a budget.

“Would…$1,500 work?” he asked.

Harley and Peter’s jaws both dropped at the number.

“$1,500?!” Harley gasped. “That’s...that’s insane!”

“We could fill, like, five rooms with that!” Peter squeaked.

Tony waved them off. “Well, you asked for a number, and you’ve got it. Now shoo! Go shop!”

Peter started to push the cart away, but Harley stopped him. “Wait!” he exclaimed. “We can buy anything for our rooms?” he asked Tony. “Like, anything ?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah, sure, as long as you cover the essentials.”

Harley tapped Peter’s shoulder incessantly. “Dude, DUDE! Do you know what this means?!”

Peter’s eyes widened. “DUDE!”

“VIDEO GAMES!” they both shouted.

“And Legos?” Peter added hopefully.

“Yes!” Harley nodded, practically jumping up and down. “Oh my gosh, here’s how we do it: we go cheaper on the essentials, right? I mean, Target’s pretty cheap anyway, so it won’t be hard.”

“And then we splurge on the other stuff!” Peter added enthusiastically. “Where should we start?”

Harley nudged Peter over as he gripped the other half of the cart, and Tony and Pepper jumped out of the way to avoid getting mowed down. “Let’s get the sheets and stuff first. I bet Target has all kinds of cool bedroom sets!”

“Totally,” Peter agreed. “Now, what kind of gaming system do we want?”

“If we play our cards right,” Harley schemed, “we can probably get two. One can go in my room and the other can go in yours.”

“And we can just share,” Peter said. “Good call. I’m aiming for the Switch.”

“Nice! Should we do Xbox or a PS4?” Harley didn’t even bother mentioning the Wii.

Peter bit his lip. “That’s a tough one...my friend Ned has a PS4, and I love all the games, plus the controllers are better.”

“Yeah, but we could, like, totally make our own controllers if we wanted to,” Harley pointed out. They rounded the corner, leaving Pepper and Tony alone in the pillow aisle with huge grins on their faces. It was nice to see Peter and Harley acting like they had been friends all their lives instead of meeting mere hours ago.

“Do I think I should tell them I meant $1,500 each?” Tony chuckled.

Pepper shook her head. “That may be nothing to you, but to them, it would be insane. I’m sure they’ll be just fine splitting it.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“I’m always right.”

In the end, Peter decided to go with a Star Wars themed room complete with a bedding set, Porg lamp, and wall decals. Target even had an entire Star Wars bathroom collection, and Peter couldn’t pass up the shower curtain, R2D2 towel, and BB8 bath rug.

Harley decided to let his love of space take over in his room. The white and black constellation sheets matched perfectly with the solar system duvet he picked up. His lamp was even shaped like a rocket, and he splurged on a towel set that looked like an astronaut’s suit.

They wound up going with the Switch and PS4, and they both picked out three games each. Peter chose a few Lego sets for them, including some Harry Potter and Star Wars Brick Headz to add some more decoration to their rooms.

Tony and Pepper both put their foot down and insisted the boys get some new clothes (separate from their room budgets) because neither had packed nearly enough for a month-long trip. Both boys whined and complained (and turned extremely red when Pepper made them get underwear and socks), but they left with an entire cartful of shirts, pants, pjs, and sweatshirts. Harley made a big show of picking out a bunch of Iron Man t-shirts, and Peter got in on the fun too (even though he secretly had a stash of his own Iron Man clothes back at Aunt May’s apartment).

It took them all afternoon to put their rooms together, and Pepper made FRIDAY turn off the wifi before they would leave the video games alone so they could eat dinner. Tony wasn’t the least bit surprised when they disappeared into their rooms to play more, and he went to bed feeling like he had done something really right.

Chapter Text

For someone who was notorious for being a bit of a superhero, Tony Stark could certainly play the role of the villain if he needed to.

For example, he knew that Peter and Harley had stayed up well past 2am playing video games and building Legos. So, when he had FRIDAY blare an alarm in their rooms at 6am, scaring the absolute piss out of them when they woke up, he knew they were going to be just a teeny, tiny bit sleep-deprived.

He was waiting in the hall, bright-eyed and bushy tailed when Peter and Harley both came stumbling out of Harley’s room (where they had inevitably fallen asleep). They were still in the same clothes from the day before, and dark circles were etched under their eyes.

Tony threw two brown bags at them, and they both just barely caught them before they hit the floor.

“GOOD MORNING!” Tony shouted cheerily.

Harley yawned and tried to slump against the wall. “Tony, wha’ the ‘ell?” he mumbled, his eyes drifting closed.

Tony pulled a spray bottle from the waistband of his jeans and squirted Harley in the face. “Uh uh!” he chided. “No falling asleep!”

“Mr. Stark, what’s going on?” Peter asked, rubbing his eyes.

Tony grinned maniacally, and he wrapped an arm around each of their shoulders before dragging them off to the elevator. “It’s time for your punishment!” The elevator door dinged open, and Tony (gently) shoved them inside before they could try and escape.

Peter sighed, but accepted defeat, while Harley looked at Tony in disbelief. “Punishment?!” he yelped. “What did I do?”

Tony crossed his arms over his chest. “You left Tennessee without telling a single person where you were going to be. So, if something had happened on the way here, no one would have known. Stupid, reckless, and irresponsible.”

“But I had no choice!” Harley protested.

“You could have called me,” Tony replied simply. “Or your mother.”

Harley glared at Tony, but Tony’s own glare prevented the teen from spouting off anything else. He banged back against the elevator wall and bore a hole in the floor with his gaze as the elevator continued to climb.

Peter cleared his throat. “So, uh, what are we doing?”

Tony clapped his hands together excitedly. “Thanks for asking, Peter! See, when I thought I was selling the Tower, I had Happy and a bunch of movers clear off most of the floors and move the contents to the compound upstate. But, there was one floor I left alone. Figured the new owners could deal with it.” He shrugged his shoulders as the elevators stopped. “Since I didn’t sell the Tower, it never got cleaned. Hence, your job.”

The doors opened to reveal the equivalent to the dreaded hall closet, but this was much, much bigger. Junk was piled almost to the ceiling as far as Peter and Harley could see, and it covered most of the floor. Papers, boxes, furniture, you name it, this floor had it. At least ten boxes of trash bags were stacked right outside the elevator entrance, and Peter’s stomach sank when he realized just how big of a job this was.

“This is going to take forever!” Harley practically yelled.

Tony nodded. “So you’d better get started.” He nodded to the bags that Peter and Harley were still holding. “Breakfast is in there, and I’ll make sure lunch gets sent up to you. We can negotiate whether you eat dinner up here or downstairs when I evaluate your progress.”

“Where do you want us to put the trash bags?” Peter asked, ignoring Harley’s wild gaze towards him.

“Pile them up in the elevator and send them down,” Tony instructed. “I’ve got cleaners in the building today anyway, so they’ll take everything outside.”

Peter looked around at the mess. “Should we save anything?”

Tony shook his head. “This is literally my junk room. Anything of value was taken out of the Tower on moving day.” He gave them a wave as he stepped back into the elevator. “See you later!” he called as the doors shut, leaving Peter and Harley alone.

Harley huffed and stomped over to the elevator. “FRIDAY, take me downstairs.”

“I’m afraid Boss has made it so you cannot leave until the work is done,” the AI replied.

“I need to use the bathroom,” Harley shot back.

“There’s one across the room against the left side of the wall.”

“Aww, c’mon!” Harley groaned, slamming his hand against the door. He looked over at Peter who had unpacked part of the breakfast Tony had given them and was already eating a protein bar. “Are you seriously just going to let him do this?” he asked.

Peter shrugged. “I mean, I definitely messed up, so I had it coming.” He gave Harley a small smile. “Since my crime was bigger, I can bag everything up and then you can put it all in the elevator if you want.”

Harley mulled over Peter’s offer. Deep down, he knew Tony wasn’t completely wrong. If he had gotten hurt or worse on his way to New York, no one would have known to look for him. And Peter was being so nice . He had no reason to help Harley out, yet here he was, offering to do most of the work for them.

He let out a resigned sigh and shoved his hand into his bag. He pulled out an apple and took a chunk out. “Nah,” he said, relishing in the sweet taste. “We can both do the work.”

They quickly finished breakfast and began strategizing. Harley worked on one side of the room while Peter worked on the other. They’d make their way down the walls and then eventually meet up in the middle.

“Hey, FRIDAY,” Peter asked, “did Mr. Stark create a protocol that prevents us from listening to music up here?”

FRIDAY paused before answering. “Not that I’m aware of.”

Harley grinned at Peter. “You’re a genius! Music makes everything better!”

“FRIDAY, please play my lab playlist,” Peter said.

A funky, pop beat began to stream through the speakers, and the teens felt themselves bopping to the beat. Thanks to Peter’s superpowers, he was already bagging faster than Harley, but the music helped him move even faster. Harley was so busy with his own side of the room that he barely even noticed Peter was getting more done than he was.

Despite Peter’s enhanced abilities, the room and its junk seemed insurmountable. By the time lunch was delivered six hours later, they had barely gotten half the room done. With their sleep deprivation from staying up to play video games, the mid-afternoon crash was strong.

“Boys,” FRIDAY warned then gently as they lay sprawled out in the middle of the floor, “Boss would like me to inform you that if you fall asleep, I’m authorized to use the sprinklers to wake you up.”

“Sooooo tired,” Peter groaned, trying to motivate himself to move.

“Boss says you wouldn’t be tired if you hadn’t stayed up all night playing video games.”

“Rude, FRIDAY,” Harley said. “And you can tell Tony I called him rude.” But he got up anyway and held a hand out to Peter.

They both worked in silence, except for the music that was still playing. Peter’s lab playlist had ended almost two hours ago, and now FRIDAY was playing random songs she thought the teens might enjoy.

“So why didn’t you ask Tony to stay with him anyway?” Harley asked randomly as he stuffed some old newspaper into a trash bag. “He’s a chill dude. I mean, he said yes to me pretty quickly.”

“Long story,” Peter replied. He felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

Harley chuckled as he balled up a newspaper and tossed it at Peter’s head. “We kind of have a lot of time.” He stopped smiling when he saw Peter’s expression. “It’s cool,” he promised. “You don’t have to tell me.”

Peter shoved the trash down and paused. “Mr. Stark’s kind of my mentor, you know? I really look up to him.” Harley nodded and waited for Peter to continue. “And I...I get these nightmares. And panic attacks. Sometimes it’s really bad.” He bit his lip and let out a sigh. “He knows me in other ways, you know? Like when we work in the lab or on...other stuff. I can hide the dreams and the anxiety for a little, but not a whole month.”

“You didn’t want him to look at you and see all that,” Harley said.

“Exactly,” Peter replied with a nod.

Harley cleared his throat. “You know, for what it’s worth, I think Tony would actually get all that stuff. The nightmares, I mean.”

“Yeah, he talked to me about it two nights ago,” Peter explained. “I had been on edge for a few days, and it all just spilled over. Mr. Stark was there for me.” He put his bag down and turned to face Harley fully. “Can I ask you something?” Harley nodded. “Why didn’t you try and call him? Mr. Stark, I mean. You said it yourself...he’s pretty chill.”

Harley didn’t say anything for a few moments. He just continued bagging trash, and for a moment, Peter thought he had offended him. “I guess…” Harley said softly. “I guess I just didn’t want to get rejected again.” He smiled sadly and coughed. “I figured he couldn’t resist my charms if I just showed up in person.”

Peter knew that Harley was trying to cover up his pain with humor. “Can I give you a hug?” Peter asked, surprising himself.

“What?”

“A hug,” Peter repeated. “You know, it’s where two people wrap their arms around each other and-” He ducked as a paper ball whizzed past his head.

“I know what a hug is,” Harley scoffed. “And Tony is totally rubbing off on you, by the way.”

“So?” Peter asked.

“So what?”

“Can I give you a hug or not?”

Harley glanced down at the floor. “I don’t need your pity.”

“Good,” Peter replied, “because this isn’t a pity hug. This is a “I’m-sorry-your-aunt-sucks-but-I’m-glad-we-met” hug.”

A small grin took over Harley’s face, and he hopped over various piles of junk to Peter. The hug was simple, but Harley felt his throat close up and tears burn his eyes. He let out a shaky breath, and even though his mind screamed at him to let go, he just held on more.

“I’m really sorry,” Peter whispered, not sure what else to say. He squeezed tighter, and Harley started to cry.

The elevator door dinged open, and Tony carefully walked over to the boys. He gently unwrapped Harley’s arms from Peter and pulled him into his own embrace.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Tony whispered, resting his head on top of Harley’s. “God, kid, I’m so sorry.”

Peter hated seeing other people cry, and he felt his own eyes well up. He was staying with Tony because his aunt loved him and wanted to make their lives better. He couldn’t imagine May ever treating him like Harley’s aunt did. Cleaning up while Harley was upset felt wrong, so he quietly sat down and waited.

Eventually, Harley’s crying turned into shudders and then, finally, sniffles. He pulled away from Tony, but Tony still kept an arm around his shoulder.

“It’s time we head down, don’t you think?” Tony asked.

Harley shook his head. “We’re not finished.” He wiped at his eyes and looked at Peter. “Right?”

Peter nodded and stood back up. “Right.”

Tony squeezed Harley’s shoulder. “Yeah, but I think you got the message.”

Harley gently extricated himself from Tony’s grasp and picked his trash bag back up. “You gave us a job, and we’re going to finish it,” he said determinedly. It wasn’t about the punishment anymore, it was about proving that he could do something and not mess it up.

“Okay,” Tony finally agreed. “I’ll come back up when dinner’s ready.” He gave the boys one last glance before disappearing downstairs again.

Despite their tiredness minutes before, Harley and Peter suddenly found themselves with a renewed energy. They worked diligently and methodically, creating a stack of trash bags as they continued cleaning out the room. They barely noticed the sun move across the sky as it got later and later in the day.

When Tony came back up at 6pm, he was shocked to see that the room was completely cleared and bagged. Harley and Peter were tying up the last of the trash bags and dragging them over towards the elevator.

“Holy shit,” Tony said softly.

“Told you,” Harley replied with a smirk.

Tony waved them over towards the elevator. “Leave the rest, I’ll make sure they get cleared out.”

Peter and Harley didn’t protest, and they followed Tony, eager for some food and sleep.

Chapter Text

Tony had finally been able to get ahold of Harley’s mom (because there was no way he was harboring a runaway without his mother knowing), and boy, was Mrs. Keener pissed . After talking her down from coming home and kicking his aunt’s ass to next Tuesday, he convinced her to let Harley stay with him for the remainder of the honeymoon. She was fine with it, but school was a non-negotiable. Luckily, Tony Stark had connections, and he managed to enroll Harley at Midtown with Peter for the month while the boys were cleaning. He worked his charm to the extreme, telling Principal Morita that it would be a personal favor. And personal favors to Tony Stark were not something to be passed on. Especially when Tony offered to finance the entire update to all the laptop labs in the school.

Harley was not pleased.

“Can’t I just get my work from my teachers back in Tennessee?” he whined to his bowl of cereal.

“Nope,” Tony replied, barely glancing up from his phone. “You need to socialize, make friends, blah, blah, blah. Pepper says it’s good for your emotional growth.”

Harley snickered. “Is that why your emotional growth is stunted? Because you don’t have friends?”

Tony puckered his lips, clearly unimpressed with the teen. “Peter, Harley’s gonna join Academic Decathlon and help you guys practice.”

“What?! No, Tony, I was just kidding!”

Peter already had his phone out to text MJ. “Perfect! We could always use more people to help ask questions.”

Harley groaned and let his head flop down on the table.

“Cheer up,” Tony grinned, slapping Harley on the back. “We’ll play a prank when Happy gets here.”

When Happy Hogan pulled up in the Tower’s parking garage, he barely glanced at the person who slid in the passenger’s side before putting the car back and drive and heading out.

“How’s it going, kid?” Happy asked.

“Pretty good,” Harley replied, trying to keep his voice neutral. “Thanks for driving me, by the way. I told Mr. Stark I could just take the subway, but he said you didn’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Happy replied sarcastically, “I love being a chauff-” He paused, finally recognizing that the voice he was hearing wasn’t familiar. He glanced over and slammed on the brakes when the kid staring back at him was not Peter Parker. Harley grunted as the seat belt kept him from launching right through the windshield, and the sound of screeching tires filled the parking garage.

“Who the hell are you?!” Happy exclaimed, holding both his fists up in defensive mode.

“Peter,” Harley replied warily, looking at Happy as if he were insane. “Happy, are you okay?”

“You are not Peter Parker,” Happy accused, pointing a finger at the teen.

Harley nodded slowly. “Yeah, I am. Seriously, are you okay?”

Happy shook his head. “No, no, no, no! I know the kid, and you’re not him!” Harley leaned forward and reached out his hand towards Happy’s forehead as if to take his temperature, but Happy slapped it away. “Don’t touch me, body snatcher!”

“Dude, you’re kind of freaking me out,” Harley said.

Happy raised his brows. “I’m...I’m freaking you out? I’ve got a stranger in my car! You’re freaking me out!”

Harley crossed his arms. “If I’m such a stranger, then how come you let me stop at the cookie dough shop by NYU even though Mr. Stark was already mad that we were late?”

Happy paled. “Wha-”

“Or how come you “accidentally” poked a hole in my neighbor’s car tire after we saw him yell at Aunt May for no good reason?”

“You-”

“Or what about the time we took Mr. Stark’s favorite tablet and-”

“Okay!” Happy yelled. “Enough!” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, he leaned in close and poked at Harley’s cheek. “Peter?”

Harley nodded. “Yes! I’ve been saying that this whole time!”

“What the hell?” Happy whispered. “You look nothing like him!”

Harley ran a hand through his hair. “Is it the hair? Cause I’ve been trying a new style and Aunt May says long hair is back in, but MJ has been giving me so much crap about it. She thinks it makes me look like an Starbucks barista, and Ned totally agrees which is a betrayal to our friendship tbh. But I think it gives me more of an edge, you know?”

“Jesus Christ,” Happy groaned. “Kid, shut it already, would you? Haven’t we talked about taking a breath between natural sentence breaks?”

Just then, the back door opened and Peter slid in, scooting his backpack off his shoulders as he settled into the seat. “Hey Happy!” Peter exclaimed cheerily. “Hey Harley!”

“Hey Peter,” Harley replied easily.

Happy let out a scream that could only be described as sounding like a dying walrus before flinging the door open and running out of the car.

“What the HELL is going on?!” he screeched.

He heard someone cackling behind him, and he whirled around to find Tony Stark doubled over in laughter.

“Your face!” Tony cried, tears running down his face. “Oh my god if you could have seen your face!”

Happy looked back and forth at the car and then Tony. “There’s two of them. Tony, there’s two of them!”

Tony was still laughing so hard he couldn’t talk, so he waved his hands towards Harley and Peter.

“I’m Harley,” Harley said, reaching out his hand for Happy to shake.

“And I’m Peter,” Peter added with a mischievous grin, also holding out his hand.

“I hate you all,” Happy deadpanned, shaking his head and ignoring their hands. “Seriously, all of you. How did you know all that stuff anyway?” Harley brushed his hair back to reveal a small ear piece that fed Peter’s voice to him. “I quit,” Happy grumbled, yanking out the earpiece and smashing it beneath his shoe.

“Aww, c’mon, Happy,” Tony giggled, wiping at his eyes. “As my Forehead of Security, there is no one I trust more than to drive these two knuckleheads to school.”

“Hey!” Peter and Harley protested.

“Well?” Tony asked. “Skedaddle or you’re going to be late!” He let out one last laugh before heading back towards the elevator.

“I expect a raise!” Happy yelled after him. “Two passengers requires a significant raise, Tony!”

“Anything for you, pumpkin!” Tony sang as the elevator doors shut in front of him.

Happy stared at Peter and Harley, who were trying so hard not to laugh. “Well?” he snapped. “Get in or you’re going to be late!”

Peter took his rightful seat in the front while Harley climbed in the back.

“Huh,” Happy said, glancing at Harley in the rearview mirror.

“What?” Harley asked.

“Your hair does make you look like a Starbucks barista.”

“Aw, c’mon!”

Harley was an extremely smart kid. In Tennessee, he had easily been in the top five of his class, especially when it came to math and physics. He often got bored at his high school because he blew through most of the curriculum. He wasn’t exactly a troublemaker, but he did get antsy.

But Midtown School of Science and Technology was an entirely different experience. Harley found himself thrust into a world where everyone was in the top five of their old schools.

Because of their little prank with Happy, Peter and Harley barely made it to the front office to get Harley’s schedule before the first bell. After Principal Morita gave him the spiel about being a guest at the school and to follow all the rules, they had dashed to their first class. Harley’s schedule practically mirrored Peter’s, so he didn’t get lost on the way to English.

Harley hated Shakespeare almost as much as Peter did, and he had never paid attention to Hamlet before. But the teacher was going non-stop about themes and symbolism, and Harley found his hand flying across his notebook, trying to copy everything down. He had to hold in a groan when the teacher announced a five page paper due at the end of the week about said symbolism.

His entire day was just as hectic. Midtown was light years ahead in science and math (not at all shocking considering it was a STEM school), but thankfully, those were two areas where Harley could keep up. He had been working ahead in math for two years, and he tinkered around enough to handle the physics and engineering classes.

Chemistry and biology were a completely different story though. Harley would pay great money to never sit through a chemistry lecture again. When his mind wandered away from chemical equations, he watched Peter fumble around with something in his lab drawer.

Interesting.

He didn’t have time to dwell on it, though, because the teacher gave a pop quiz at the end of class, and Harley was officially screwed. If he managed to pass the quiz with a C, it would be a miracle.

Lunch was a welcome relief, and Harley didn’t even mind eating school food. He practically inhaled his sandwich and jello before Peter even sat down. A guy and girl joined them at the table, and Harley put his food down just long enough to wave hello.

“Sup, loser,” the girl said to Peter.

Peter rolled his eyes at her. “Harley, this is MJ and Ned. He’s staying at Mr. Stark’s too.”

“Ha!” MJ laughed. “Knew you wouldn’t last!”

“Thank god!” Ned sighed. “I was really worried about you.”

“Guyssss,” Peter whined, “I was fine! Mr. Stark found out and practically dragged me back with him.”

“You were falling asleep in English class,” Ned snorted. “You were so not fine.”

Harley swallowed his food. “Anyone could fall asleep in that class,” he replied.

“Fair, fair,” Ned conceded. “But still, Peter’s normally more subtle about it.”

“So why are you here?” MJ asked bluntly. “Are you Tony’s illegitimate kid or something?”

“Totally,” Harley deadpanned, taking another bite of his sandwich. He decided he liked Peter’s friends. They were funny, and if the Star Wars shirt Ned was wearing was any indication, they were just as nerdy as he was too.

“Wait, really?!” Ned asked, his jaw dropping open in disbelief.

“No!” Harley laughed. “Some stuff wasn’t working out at home, so I’m staying with Tony until my mom gets back from her honeymoon.”

MJ snapped her fingers. “Hang on! You’re helping us with Academic Decathlon, right?” She looked at Peter. “This is the dude you texted me about this morning, right?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, he-”

“Penis Parker!” a voice interrupted from behind them.

Peter’s face scrunched up unpleasantly, and he took a deep breath as he focused on his food. Harley glanced back to find a kid with slick, black hair grinning mischievously at Peter and his friends. The boy gripped Peter’s shoulders and gave them a few slaps.

“This your new boyfriend?” he taunted, looking at Harley.

“Go away, Flash,” Ned scoffed. “Don’t you have better things to do?”

“Awww,” Flash cooed, “Penis needs his friends to stand up for him.” Peter shrugged his shoulders out of Flash’s grip and glared at his lunch tray. Harley watched Peter’s hands curl into fists, his knuckles turning white.

“Back off, Flash,” Peter said quietly.

“New boy toy got a name?” Flash asked, ignoring Peter completely.

“Harley Keener,” Harley replied evenly. His gaze never left Flash’s, and he stared at him intently.

“Well Keener,” Flash said, “my advice would be to stop hanging around with these losers and-”

“You know Flash,” MJ said sweetly, “if you don’t piss off, this loser is going to make sure you never get off the alternate list for Decathlon.” She gave Flash a fake smile and waved at him.

Flash sneered at her, but backed off. He took the juice that came with Peter’s lunch and “accidentally” knocked it over the rest of Peter’s food.

“Whoops!” Flash gasped before walking away.

Ned handed Peter a couple of napkins, but Peter just shook his head. “It’s fine,” he said softly. “Better me than someone else, right?” His gaze caught Harley’s and his face began to burn with embarrassment.

“Why don’t you just use your-” MJ started to ask, but Peter’s narrowed eyes cut her off.

“It’s more complicated than that, and you know it,” Peter replied. He stood up and grabbed his tray. “We have a study hall next,” he told Harley. “Ned’s got it too, so he can show you where the library is. I need to...to go to the bathroom.” He left without another word.

“Does this happen a lot?” Harley asked once Peter was out of earshot. Ned and MJ exchanged a look, and Harley sighed. “Look, I won’t tell Tony if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Yeah,” Ned finally admitted. “Today was pretty tame though.”

“Does he ever stick up for himself?” Again with the secret looks. “Am I missing something?” Harley asked impatiently.

“Peter’s gonna have to tell you himself,” MJ replied. “It’s not our place.”

Harley sighed and decided to let it drop. “So, study hall?” he asked Ned. Ned’s face brightened, and he welcomed the change in subject.

Peter was back to his smiley self by the time Ned and Harley found him in the library. Ned and Peter worked on biology homework, while Harley breezed through math. They ended the day with History, Spanish, and Gym. Harley was shocked to see Peter play basketball like a natural. It wasn’t that Peter was scrawny or anything...he just didn’t look like the athletic type.

By the time Academic Decathlon practice was over (and MJ worked him just as hard as she did the others), Harley was exhausted. He wanted nothing more than to crawl in bed, but the metric shitton of homework that awaited him in his backpack meant he’d be working until at least after dinner.

But, hey, he was glad he was suffering with a friend than all alone back in Tennessee.

Chapter Text

It took Harley a grand total of three school days to figure out that Peter was Spider-Man. His friend really, really sucked at keeping secrets.

Peter’s chemistry drawer was the first clue. Every single class, Harley watched him pull it open and do something mysterious to the inside when he thought no one was looking. He’d scribble something in his notebook before shutting the drawer. Harley thought he saw white stuff puff out and stick to the outside, but he never got close enough to be sure.

The second clue was his friends. Ned and MJ were quickly becoming Harley’s friends too, but they seemed to be putting up a wall. Harley could tell when someone was speaking in code, and they talked about Peter’s “internship” like it was super secret. Whenever Harley would pay close attention, the topic was quickly switched and gazes were averted.

The more Harley thought about it, the more he realized that in the short time he had known Peter, there had been no internship work of any kind. Peter did the exact same stuff that he did: wake up, eat breakfast, go to school, go to Decathlon practice, come back to the Tower, do homework, eat dinner, play video games...nothing that remotely resembled being Tony Stark’s personal intern.

Tony was even being weird with Peter. Harley had heard the two arguing multiple times about Peter still being grounded. And each time, Peter had huffed and grumbled about it. Which was really weird, considering their punishment was over when they finished cleaning the abandoned Tower floor.

Right?

All of these things were floating through Harley’s mind instead of the Hamlet essay he was supposed to be working writing. He and Peter had been doing their homework at the kitchen island after school the last two days, but Tony and Peter had gotten into it again when they got home from school, and Peter had stormed off into his room. Harley was left in the whirlwind as Tony stomped his way down to his lab, and instead of doing homework alone in an empty kitchen, he decided to do it alone in his empty room. Because that made total sense.

Harley sighed and rubbed his eyes as he stared at his blank computer screen. Tony had given him a brand new laptop, but it felt more like a paperwork considering Harley was getting zero work accomplished. English really wasn’t his strong suit.

“Screw this,” Harley muttered. He shut the laptop and took it off the desk as he headed to Peter’s room. Peter could be in a bad mood all he wanted, but Harley was not going to piss Tony off by failing an English assignment. Besides, two heads were always better than one.

Harley walked into Peter’s room without even knocking, and he nearly dropped his laptop on the ground when he saw Peter standing upside down on his ceiling.

“Umm…” Harley said slowly as Peter’s eyes widened in fear. “Hey?”

Peter tried to form a coherent sentence, but his mouth was suddenly not working. “H-Hey,” he managed to stutter out in return.

“Why, uh...why are you on the ceiling?” Harley asked, trying not to freak out. Because Peter standing upside down on the ceiling would definitely be something worth freaking out about.

Peter blushed and reached his hand up. Harley saw a pencil sticking out of the ceiling tile, and Peter quickly yanked it down. “I...well, I uh, was kinda bored right? And I was playing with, my, uh, pencil. But I threw it too hard and-”

“It got stuck on the ceiling?” Harley finished.

“Yeah.”

“Uh huh.”

The two stood in silence for a few moments before Harley cleared his throat. “So, you, uh, climbed up there to get it down?”

Peter looked at the pencil in his hand as if he had completely forgotten it was there. He stumbled and bit but managed to unstick himself from the ceiling and land with more grace than Harley thought was possible. His knees were bent and his left arm braced the floor while he held his right arm behind him. The pose looked extremely familiar, and all of the puzzle pieces clicked together in Harley’s mind.

Peter shook his head as if to fix his hair and pointed to the laptop under Harley’s arm. “Did, you...need help...with something?” he asked, his voice going up a few nervous octaves by the end.

Harley nodded numbly, still trying to process what he had just seen. “English paper,” he managed to get out.

“I was just working on that,” Peter said, glancing back at his own open laptop with his own blank Word document. “Want to bounce ideas around?”

Harley nodded silently again and followed Peter over to his bed. They both sat on the mattress with their legs crossed and laptops ready, but neither made a move to do any actual work.

“I’m, uh...I’m Spider-Man,” Peter said quietly after an agonizing minute of silence.

Harley rolled his eyes. “No shit, Peter.” As if he hadn’t connected the dots a whole minute earlier.

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you,” Peter defeneded. “It’s just-”

“I get it,” Harley stopped him. “Secret identity and all that.”

“Yeah,” Peter nodded.

It was quiet again for a few moments until Harley spoke up again. “Would you have told me?” Harley asked. “If I hadn’t walked in on you like that?”

Peter only hesitated a fraction of a second before nodding. “Yeah,” he replied. “I would have.”

Now that Harley had asked one question, more rolled off his tongue, his curiosity getting the better of him. “Is this the internship?”

“Yeah.”

“And the grounding?”

Peter let out an irritated huff. “Mr. Stark banned me from going out on patrol for a week because of lying.”

“So Ned and MJ…”

“Both know. Ned’s my Guy in the Chair,” Peter chuckled. “He helped me hack the suit once.”

Harley’s jaw dropped. “Ned hacked Tony’s code?!”

“Right?? Ned’s epic. And MJ figured it all out on her own. She’s super observant.”

Harley skimmed his fingers over the keyboard. “Do you have the specs for your suit?”

Peter grinned and slammed his laptop shut. “FRIDAY, can you pull up the holograms for Harley and I?”

The room darkened, and light blue outlines appeared in the air, showing Peter’s suit and its components. Harley quickly got up and reached out his hands, delighted to find that the hologram moved with his fingers. He swiped through stats, schematics, and code summaries, taking it all in.

“Holy shit,” he whispered, turning to Peter. “Holy shit!”

“I know, right?” Peter asked, still grinning. It was nice having another member in the circle of people Peter could trust.

Harley suddenly furrowed his brows. “But you’re not wearing your suit now,” he noted, “so how did you stick to the ceiling?” His eyes widened. “Wait! Did the pencil stick because you have super strength?”

“Radioactive spider bite, and yes,” Peter replied.

“Dude, you have super powers! What else can you do?”

“Enhanced healing and hearing, increased speed, faster metabolism, and you know the rest.”

“Wow,” was all Harley could say. “Just...wow.” He swiped through the hologram some more. “Have you, like, tested your powers and stuff? Like, how much can you lift?”

Peter shrugged. “Not really. Mr. Stark tests my suit out and makes upgrades. And I once stopped an entire bus.” Harley didn’t miss the proud smile that tugged at Peter’s lips.

“So…” Harley said slowly. “This English paper is due Friday, right? We’ve got two whole days to work on it still.”

“Yeah,” Peter replied, a questioning look in his eyes. “And?”

Harley cleared his throat and did his best to sound authoritative. “Well clearly, we’ve hit a mental block tonight,” he said. “It would behoove us to take a break, don’t you think?”

“Did you seriously just use ‘behoove’ in a sentence?” Peter smirked.

“Let’s take a break and mess with your suit and powers!” Harley exclaimed, ignoring the jab. “I can think of at least four modifications you need to make off the top of my head.”

“Four?!” Peter yelped. “Mr. Stark spent millions of dollars on my suit! I really don’t think it needs-”

“Can any of your webs shoot out at 600 psi?” Harley interrupted.

“It-” Peter stopped. “Uh, actually…” He trailed off then looked at the ceiling. “FRIDAY?” he asked.

“As of right now, your max psi is 300,” the AI replied.

“See?” Harley asked. “Modifications.”

Peter looked between the laptop and Harley. “I’m grounded from Spider-Man stuff, remember?”

“No,” Harley shook his head. “You’re grounded from patrolling. Not preparing your suit.” He could see Peter’s resolve crumbling. “I promise we’ll work on the paper. But can’t we have a little fun first?”

“Two hours,” Peter conceded. “Once we come back up for dinner, we need to work on English.”

“Deal,” Harley replied with a wide grin.

Tony held back a yawn as he adjusted the setting on his soldering iron. The flame narrowed, and he held it back over his newest Iron Man suit upgrade. DUM-E waited eagerly in the wings, a fire extinguisher clutched tightly in its grip.

“Tony!” Pepper exclaimed from the doorway. “What the hell?!”

Tony quickly shut off the soldering iron and flipped up his mask. “What?” he asked. “What’s wrong?”

Pepper looked livid as she stalked into the lab, and even DUM-E backed away tentatively. She was pissed, but Tony wasn’t 100% sure what he did.

“Have you seriously been down here all night?” Pepper asked as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“It hasn’t been all night!” Tony defended.

“It’s almost midnight, Tony,” Pepper shot back, her voice seething.

Tony glanced at the atomic clock on his wall, his eyes widening when he saw 11:56pm flashing across the screen. “Shit,” he sighed. “Must’ve got carried away.”

“Did you even make dinner?” she asked.

Tony shook his head. “No, but I’m fine. I ate before I came down here.” Pepper just stared at him in disbelief. “What? Am I missing something?”

“Oh my god, Tony, seriously?” Pepper clapped her hands together and smushed her fingertips against her lips as if she couldn’t believe she had to spell it out for him. “What about the boys?”

Tony’s eyes widened. “Shit!” he yelled. “Pep, I’m-”

Pepper put a hand up to stop him. “Tony,” she said softly, “we talked about this in Target, remember?”

“I know,” Tony replied, mentally cursing himself. “Hey, FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Boss?”

“Did Peter and Harley eat tonight?” He ignored Pepper’s disapproving stare.

“No,” FRIDAY replied. “They have been on the gym floor testing out Peter’s new suit modifications.”

Tony blinked. “I’m sorry, what?!”

“They have been on the gym floor-” FRIDAY started to repeat.

“No, yeah, I got that part, thanks,” Tony replied sarcastically. “I meant what suit modifications? Why the hell wasn’t I informed?”

“Well, Boss,” FRIDAY explained,  “Harley accurately pointed out that Peter was not allowed to go out on patrol as Spider-Man, but nothing in your punishment stated the boys could not make modifications to the suit.”

“So Harley knows about Peter?” Pepper asked.

“Yes, Ms. Potts.”

“And they’re messing around with a multimillion dollar suit?” Tony asked.

“They finished the modifications about two hours ago,” FRIDAY replied. “Now they are running tests and collecting data for further upgrades.”

Tony was already walking to the elevator with Pepper close on his heels before FRIDAY finished her speech. They zoomed up to the gym floor and walked out to mass chaos.

There were webs EVERYWHERE. No matter where Tony and Pepper looked, they saw the white, sticky fluid. Pepper covered her mouth in shock while Tony looked downright murderous.

Harley and Peter were completely oblivious to the new guests on the floor. Peter was decked out in his Spider-Man suit, his arms out in front of him. Harley stood off to the side, his Starkpad set up on a tripod to record videos. He stood in front of the camera to speak.

“Test 53,” Harley said. “Since we’ve got the mechanism working, we’re mostly testing Peter for accuracy at this point. The goal is to hit the target while jumping, flipping, and running. Peter needs to adjust for the kickback from the new web shooter setting since we nearly doubled the psi.” He looked over to Peter. “Ready?”

Peter nodded, the eyes on his suit contracting and expanding. “Ready,” he confirmed.

Harley backed away from the camera and nodded. “Go!”

Peter jumped high in the air and shot his webs. Tony heard an impressive whooshing noise as the web flew like a blur through the air and hit a bullseye that was taped near the ceiling. The webs landed with a satisfying SMACK, and the wall shook slightly under the impact.

“Now flip!” Harley yelled.

Peter used the momentum from the blast to rotate his body upside down. Once he had gone completely vertical, he shot out again, aiming at a target in the middle of the wall. He hit another bullseye and was propelled backwards. He let out a whoop as he landed gracefully on the floor and began to run at the wall.

“Do it now!” Harley commanded, writing notes furiously on his notepad.

But when Peter shot his webs a third time, the kickback was too much, and his feet tripped over themselves. He missed the target completely, and Harley ducked quickly to avoid the incoming web.

“Argh!” Peter yelled, pounding his fist on the floor. “I really thought I had it that time!”

Harley turned off the camera and rushed to help Peter up. “But you did!” he exclaimed. “The airborne attacks were perfect!”

Peter pulled off his mask and nodded. “So maybe the Potato Gun setting is better off when I’m not on the ground. We should test it again-”

“No.”

Harley and Peter whirled around to find Tony and Pepper standing in front of the gym.

“Mr. Stark!” Peter squeaked. He watched Tony’s gaze wander over the various webs. “We’re going to clean this up!” he promised.

“What the hell were you two doing?” Tony snapped. “Modifying the suit without telling me? Seriously, Peter?”

“It’s not his fault!” Harley defended quickly. “The Potato Gun setting was my idea! We needed a break from homework and-”

“Do you boys have any idea what time it is?” Pepper asked. They both shook their heads. “It’s almost midnight.”

Peter and Harley’s jaws dropped. “Midnight?!” they yelped.

“Our homework!” Harley cried.

“Dinner!” Peter exclaimed, his stomach suddenly rumbling.

“My gym!” Tony threw in. “Do you have any idea how long this is going to take to clean up?!”

Peter and Harley hung their heads. “Sorry, Mr. Stark,” Peter said quietly.

“Yeah, sorry, Tony,” Harley added.

Tony sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily. “It’s not completely your fault,” he admitted, surprising the teens. “I lost track of time too. I should have paid more attention.”

“How about,” Pepper suggested gently, “we get some food and then you go to bed. All three of you.” She poked Tony’s shoulder as well. “The webs dissolve in three hours, right?”

Peter and Harley shared a glance. “Theoretically…” Harley replied uncertainly.

Tony’s eyebrows shot up. “Theoretically?”

“Well, we had to adjust the web fluid formula a bit to compensate for the increased pressure,” Harley explained. “It needed to be able to withstand the extra force.”

“But it should dissolve!” Peter promised. “It might take more than three hours though.”

Tony could feel his hair change from brown to grey. “Food, bed, and we can deal with this mess tomorrow,” he ordered. “And no more modifications without me.” He paused for a moment. “Where’d you even do this anyway? I was in my lab the whole time!”

“Harley’s room,” Peter replied. “He packed a whole tool set.”

“And the web fluid?” Pepper asked.

Peter blushed. “I, uh, brought some of the ingredients home from chemistry class. They’re in my desk drawer.”

“So you stole them?” Tony clarified.

“Well…” Peter drawled out. “Technically, since Aunt May paid the tuition, I have rights to supplies and-”

“Enough.” Tony held up his hand to stop him. “Just...let’s go.”

Harley and Peter gathered up their stuff and followed Tony and Pepper into the elevator. They all stood silently as it traveled back to the main floor of the living quarters. Pepper glanced at Tony and nodded at him expectantly.

“Lecture,” she mouthed silently.

Tony cleared his throat. “This cannot happen again,” he said, breaking the stillness. “Doing that kind of stuff alone is dangerous. We had no idea where you were or what you were doing. If something serious had happened, we wouldn’t have known. From now on, I need to be in the loop. Got it?”

“Yes,” the teens replied together.

“And homework needs to come first,” Pepper added sternly. “No lab stuff until that gets done.”

“Okay,” Peter replied glumly.

“Yes ma'am,” Harley echoed.

Tony’s mouth turned up in a small smile. “And for the record,” he said, a hint of pride in his voice, “that modification was pretty freaking cool.”

Harley and Peter’s faces both brightened up immensely, and Pepper rolled her eyes at Tony’s quick willingness to cave. But she was smiling too.

“Seriously?!” Harley asked. “You really liked it?”

Tony reached out and ruffled both of their hair, much to their dismay.

“Yeah, kiddos,” he said fondly.

“I loved it.”

Chapter Text

School absolutely sucked the next day.

Peter and Harley had managed to type a page of their English papers while Tony made a few frozen pizzas. Pepper had worked on her own tablet, and the four of them had eaten a bizarre, late-night dinner. By the time they finished and crawled into bed, the clock read 1:45am.

So, when their alarms blared them all awake at 6am, they tempted fate and hit snooze. Unfortunately, Tony realized he hit snooze too many times, and the teens were almost late to their first period class. There was a reason Tony paid Happy so much to be a part-time chauffeur. He had them in front of the school with three minutes to spare and a few years off their life span.

Ned was super psyched to find out that the reason for their sleep-deprivation was Spider-Man related, while MJ was less than impressed. Since Harley now knew Peter’s secret, it meant the four of them could talk about Peter’s “internship” in public. Harley felt like he was part of a secret club, and the idea made him feel really good. Sure, he had friends in Tennessee, but he was a bit of an oddball, so he was alone more often than not. But at Midtown, he was surrounded by similar-minded oddballs, and he felt like he belonged.

The lack of sleep was catching up, and by the end of Decathlon practice, Peter and Harley were thrilled to see Happy’s Audi already waiting at the edge of the sidewalk. They both let out sighs of relief as they dumped their bags in the back and sunk into the plush, leather seats.

Happy, however, did not live up to his name. He had a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel, and his forehead vein looked ready to pop. Peter and Harley didn’t even notice it until Happy’s phone began to chime. The first one was barely noticeable, but the second and third chimes caused the teens to look at the phone resting carefully in the cupholder. Peter glanced over at Happy and saw that he was purposefully keeping his eyes on the road, not even bothering to look down at the offending device. The only reason Peter knew he heard it at all was because Happy flinched with the fourth chime, and his face turned even redder.

“Hey, do you-” Harley began, leaning up towards the phone.

“Don’t touch it!” Happy snapped.

The next three chimes all sounded in quick succession, and Happy looked downright murderous. He yanked the phone out of the cupholder and smashed his finger against the screen. He ignored Peter and Harley’s curious stares as he held the phone up to his ear.

“Would you knock it off!” Happy practically yelled. “I don’t need you...Yes, I know I promised, but this is ridiculous! I’m a chauffeur/bodyguard, not a soccer mom...Seriously? You’re asking me if I care? Tony, you’ve got to be...Okay, now you’re just being rude...That was a private conversation!” Happy sighed and banged his head against the window. “I hate you. So much. You’re not getting a holiday card this year, and I mean that.” With that, Happy hung up and tossed the phone back into the cupholder.

“Happy…?” Peter asked cautiously. “Are you okay?”

Happy took a deep breath before clearing his throat. “It’s...really good...to see...you,” he said grudgingly.

Peter looked back to Harley, who just shrugged. “It’s really good to see you too, Happy,” Peter replied.

“Ditto,” Harley added.

They drove for the next ten minutes in an odd sort of silence. Peter had been getting picked up by Happy fairly regularly the last few months, but he always did most of the talking. This was the first time Happy had really initiated any type of conversation, and Peter was a little afraid to say anything else.

“So, uh,” Happy finally stuttered, “tell me, uh, two good things that happened in school today.”

Peter blinked. “What?”

Happy’s knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel. “Don’t make me repeat it,” he said through gritted teeth.

“You, uh…” Peter trailed off. “Happy are you okay?”

“Two good things!” Happy ordered. “Now!”

“Okay, okay,” Peter said, putting his hands up. “I, uh, I aced my Spanish quiz, and Harley and I were able to work on our English paper during study hall.”

Happy glanced at Harley in the rearview mirror. “How about you, Body Snatcher?” Ever since the prank on Monday, Happy refused to call Harley by his actual name.

Harley shrugged. “I got an answer right when Flash got it wrong during Decathlon practice,” he said. “And I didn’t fail the chemistry pop quiz like I thought.” He leaned forward and placed the back of his hand against Happy’s forehead. 

“Would you quit that!” Happy snapped, swatting his hand away.

“I’m just checking to see if you have a fever,” Harley quipped. “Cause you’re acting really weird.”

“Zip it, Body Snatcher.”

“Um, Happy?” Peter asked. “He’s not totally-”

“You too, Squirt.” Happy sighed when Peter and Harley leaned back in their seats. “Nice job on knocking Flash down a peg,” he said to Harley. “And nice job on your Spanish quiz,” he said to Peter. It actually physically hurt Happy’s insides to see the teens brighten at his praise, but it also made him feel kind of good at the same time.

“What about you?” Peter asked tentatively.

“What?” Happy replied.

“What are two good things that happened to you today?”

“Well, uh…” Happy cleared his throat. “My sister found out she’s having a boy and-” He didn’t even get to list his second thing because Peter and Harley jumped on the baby news.

“You have a sister?!” Peter exclaimed.

“Congrats, Uncle Forehead!” Harley grinned. Happy glared at Harley’s use of Tony’s nickname, but the teens began talking a mile a minute, wanting to know everything about Happy’s family and the future mini Hogan. Their exhaustion from before practically disappeared as they continued back to Tony’s. They hadn’t even realized they had reached the Tower until Happy threatened to eject them from their seats. Even though they were sure Happy was joking about the car actually being able to eject the seats, they still got out.

“Hey Happy,” Peter said as he prepared to close the door, “thanks for telling us about your family.”

“Yeah,” Harley added, “it was cool talking to you.”

They both shut their doors with synchronized precision, and Happy watched them until they disappeared into the elevator. His smile stretched his face into unfamiliar territory, and he was brought back to the present moment when his phone went off yet again. He grumbled a bit as he picked it up to check the most recent text.

The Boss: So did it work??

Forehead of Security: I hate you.

The Boss: So it did :)

“I need a raise,” Happy muttered, putting the car in drive and heading back out of the Tower.

When Peter and Harley walked into the kitchen, they weren’t expecting to see Tony waiting for them. They also weren’t expecting to see snacks sitting on the island.

“Hey!” Tony greeted them. “Backpacks can go there.” He pointed behind them to two decorative crates with each of their first initials painted on the front. Peter and Harley had never seen them before, so they must have appeared sometime after they had left for school. They carefully dumped their backpacks inside, the worn fabric a stark contrast to the fancy bins.

“Wha-?” Harley started to ask, but Tony cut him off.

“I have a conference call in about five minutes and Pepper will literally kill me if I’m not on it,” Tony said, “but I wanted to check in with you first. Eat some food and then do your homework, okay? Pepper was right about school coming first. Then maybe after dinner we can go down to the lab and work on some of those modifications to Peter’s suit.”

He walked over to them and gently pushed them towards the food. “These should hold you over until Pepper comes home for dinner,” he continued, oblivious to their confused stares. “FRIDAY ordered a bunch of healthy stuff, but between you and me, there’s some junk food hidden in the back of the pantry. But I didn’t tell you about it!” He headed out and gave them a wave. “See you in a few hours!”

Peter and Harley whirled around and watched Tony jog down the hall to get to his office for his conference call.

“What just happened?” Harley asked.

“I have no idea,” Peter replied. His stomach rumbled, and he headed over to examine the snacks Tony had left out. He settled on apples while Harley chose celery, and they both split the jar of peanut butter.

“So…” Harley said slowly. “Homework?”

Peter nodded and grabbed his laptop and textbooks from his backpack. He almost brought the whole bag with him to the island, but he didn’t want to mess up the new organization system Tony clearly wanted him to use.

“This is weird, right?” Peter asked after turning his first book to the right page.

“Considering we’ve rarely seen Tony the last few days and have eaten nothing but takeout, yes, this is weird,” Harley deadpanned. He held up a stick of celery. “I’m eating vegetables right now!”

Peter munched on his apple thoughtfully. “Maybe he feels bad about last night,” he shrugged. He held back a groan as he stared at the pages for Hamlet . “We should probably get started.”

Harley nodded, but he drummed his fingers against the countertop. Something was off, and he was going to figure out what was going on.

Peter and Harley were officially in the Twilight Zone when dinner rolled around.

They had managed to get almost all of their homework done by the time Pepper came back a little over an hour after Tony had disappeared. FRIDAY had suggested listening to an instrumental playlist to help them concentrate, and the teens were shocked to find their productivity go through the roof. They finished the English paper and their math homework with surprising ease. The rest of their homework could be finished before bed or during the next day’s study hall, so they both considered that a win.

Pepper had not only given both boys a hug, but she actually asked to check their homework before she started on dinner. She found a few careless mistakes in their math homework, and she really read their papers, even offering grammar advice.

To make things weirder, she asked them both to help prepare dinner, which was going to be home-cooked. It was a simple pasta and vegetable dish, but anything was better than the takeout they had ordered the first half of the week and the frozen pizzas from the night before.

Despite Peter’s abilities as Spider-Man, they all quickly discovered he was not suited to chop vegetables with a knife and was relegated to stirring pasta in boiling water while Pepper heated up the sauce. Harley and Peter kept sneaking looks at each other as if they couldn’t believe this was actually happening, but neither of them wanted to question it. Not only was Pepper Potts a bad ass that ran a Fortune 500 company, but she was also something familiar in the absence of the female figures in both their lives. Pepper was a comforting presence, and there was no way Peter and Harley were going to push that away.

Tony finished his conference call and helped set the table for dinner. They actually ate at the dining room table, not the kitchen island like they had previous nights. It felt strangely domestic, and a little out of place considering Tony barely remembered to eat and take care of himself much less get two teenagers to sit down for a family meal.

Peter and Harley practically inhaled their food, and they didn’t even noticed Tony bouncing his leg nervously under the table. Pepper gave him a reassuring smile and nod.

“So,” Tony said, setting his fork down, “what’s the most interesting thing that happened at school today?”

Peter and Harley both stopped with their forks in mid-air. “Huh?” they both asked.

“School, interesting,” Tony repeated. “What’ve you got?”

Peter pointed his fork at Harley. “I went first with Happy, you can go.”

Harley squinted at Tony with a calculating look. Tony held his gaze, but Harley could tell he was nervous. The more Harley wracked his brain, the more this whole situation felt very familiar…

It suddenly hit him like a ton of breaks. It felt familiar because it was . It was exactly what happened with Roger when he had moved in with them. The fridge was suddenly stocked with snacks after school, he made sure Harley’s homework was done before he tinkered in the garage, and he asked questions about the school day. Normally, this kind of domesticity would have angered Harley (because they had been doing just fine without Roger thankyouverymuch), but Roger actually cared and paid attention when Harley answered.

Harley felt an unexpected wave of homesickness wash over him, and he cleared his throat, trying not to let anything show. “We, uh...I mean Ned, Peter, and I...we started working on a group project for physics. We get to play with these roller coaster ramp things and we’re trying to shoot balls off them to hit targets on the floor. We get bonus points if we add loops and hills and stuff. That was pretty cool.”

Tony raised his brows. “Wow, sounds awesome! How’s your design coming?”

Harley grinned. “We’re basing it off the Kingda Ka roller coaster at Six Flags.”

Tony nodded, recognizing the name. “Let FRIDAY know if you want detailed schematics to help. Ow!” Tony winced as Pepper gently stabbed his hand with her fork.

“I’m pretty sure that would be cheating,” she chastised.

“What?” Tony protested. “They’re still building it!”

“So, Peter,” Pepper said, ignoring Tony, “how about you? What was interesting about today?”

Harley stood up and muttered a quick excuse about needing to use the bathroom while Peter talked about something from Spanish class. He ducked around the corner and backed away until he was sure the others couldn’t hear or see him.

“Hey, FRIDAY?” he whispered.

“Yes, Harley?” the AI whispered back.

“What parenting books is Tony reading?”

FRIDAY paused before answering, no doubt analyzing whether or not to spill Tony’s secrets. “Boss has already read 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication and Parenting Teens with Love and Logic . He plans on reading The Drama of the Gifted Child and The Teenage Brain later tonight after Ms. Potts is finished with them.”

“Thanks,” Harley said softly. He let his back lean against the wall as he contemplated this new information. He definitely recognized the brain book from the stash of parenting books he found in Roger’s office one day by accident. He had first dismissed them as Roger’s feeble attempt to try and integrate himself into Harley’s life, but Roger never stopped trying. And it looked like Tony and Pepper were doing something similar. They had somehow even managed to get Happy in on it too.

Harley quickly pulled out his cell phone and shot off a quick text.

The Inventor: Hey, you prob won’t get this right away but I just wanted to say thanks for everything. It means a lot that you try with my sister and I, and I know you make my mom super happy. So, yeah.

Harley pocketed his phone, feeling a little overly sentimental, and he was surprised to feel his phone buzz in his pocket a few moments later.

Roger Dodger: Hey kiddo! Thank you so much! This just made my morning! :)

Roger Dodger: You doing okay? Tony said you were fine, but your mom worries, you know? And I do too.

Harley glanced back down the hall towards the dinner table and people who were waiting for his return. He smiled and typed back his response.

The Inventor: Tell her she doesn’t have to. I’m doing just fine.

The Inventor: Love you. Tell Mom I love her too.

Roger Dodger: Love you too, kiddo. <3

Harley rolled his eyes at Roger’s old school emojis. Even though Harley had shown him how to use the emoji keyboard, his stepdad preferred typing them out. But it was kind of endearing, if he was being honest with himself.

Harley put his phone away and went to finish dinner with his second family.

Chapter Text

Peter was vibrating with excitement the entire school day. His leg bounced anxiously under his desk through each class, and he felt like he was checking the clock every five minutes waiting for the time to read 2:45.

Tony had finally lifted Peter’s no patrolling ban after dinner last night. He, Harley, and Peter were working in the lab when Tony broke the news. Of course, Peter had been thrilled, but his excitement waned as Tony set down some ground rules.

“You get four days,” Tony said. He watched Peter’s wide smile fall from his face and turn into a scowl.

“Four days?!” Peter exclaimed. “Seriously? I go out almost every night when Aunt May’s here!”

“Yeah, and your sleep schedule and school are clearly benefiting from it,” Tony shot back. “Four days. Take it or leave it.”

“Fine,” Peter grumbled. “I’ll do Thursday through Sunday. Most crime happens on the weekend anyway.”

“Good,” Tony nodded. “Thursday and Sunday you’re back by 10, and you can stay out until 12 the other two days. And,” he added before Peter could protest, “homework and dinner come first on Thursday.”

Peter glared at Tony. “But Decathlon practice goes until 3:45! By the time we come back and eat, that’s only a few hours to patrol!”

“Again,” Tony said, fiddling with a circuit board, “take it or leave it.”

“But I can help people!” Peter exclaimed. “I should be out helping people!”

“And you will be,” Harley interjected for the first time. He barely looked up from the mess of wires he was trying to work with. “Dude, it’s not a bad deal.”

“Pete,” Tony said softly. “I know you want to help, but you’re also a teenager in high school. You’re not meant to shoulder the entire world.”

Peter tapped a screwdriver against the lab bench and sighed. “Fine,” he agreed. “Can I push weeknights to 11? I promise if it’s an issue I’ll go back to 10. Please, Mr. Stark?”

Tony tried to resist the puppy dog eyes, he really did. It took all of his willpower to come up with a good compromise. “Let’s try 10 for a week or two,” he finally replied. “If it’s going well, we’ll bump up your curfew. Which I will know if you break, by the way.”

Peter practically vaulted out of his chair when the final bell rang, and Harley had to jog to keep up with him.

“Peter! Harley!” Ned called after them. They stopped just long enough to let Ned catch up, but then Peter was off again. “My mom just texted me back that you can stay over after the movie night tonight!”

“Movie night?” Peter asked, stopping in his tracks. “Tonight is movie night?”

“Seriously, Peter?” Ned sighed. “You forgot again?”

“N-No!” Peter protested. “It’s just...this is my first night that I’m allowed to do...you know…” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “Internship stuff.”

Ned looked crestfallen. “But movie night!”

“Harley’s still going,” Peter said, looking at Harley. “Right?”

Harley nodded. “Yeah, I need to stop at the Tower first though. I didn’t bring a change of clothes.” He glanced at Ned nervously. “If that’s still okay…”

“Of course!” Ned’s expression brightened. “We were going to binge watch Firefly and then the movie too!”

“Never seen it,” Harley admitted, “but I’ve heard a lot about it.”

Ned gasped dramatically and clutched a hand to his chest. “NEVER?! That’s it, we’re definitely watching it.”

“What are we watching?” MJ asked, sneaking up on them.

“Oh, so you’re actually coming to movie night?” Ned asked, rolling his eyes.

“Do I ever miss movie night?” she replied, raising a brow. She looked to Peter, who was already trying to back away so he could get started on patrol. “You’re not coming, I take it?”

“Internship,” Peter said with a simple shrug. He held out his backpack for Harley. “Do you mind taking this back to the Tower with you? Mr. Stark and Aunt May will kill me if I lose any more backpacks.” Harley nodded and held his hands out to take the pack. “Thanks, man.”

“Try and come over after?” Ned asked hopefully. “We should be going until at least after midnight.”

“Maybe,” Peter replied. He gave them a non-committal wave before looking left and right to make sure no one else was around. He then took off running and hopped over the entire fence before running away.

“Dude,” MJ chuckled, “it is a freaking miracle that we are the only ones who know his secret. Peter is about as subtle as an elephant.”

“And he’s a terrible liar,” Harley added. He spotted Happy’s car down the block and gave MJ and Ned a wave. “See you in a couple of hours!”

Harley jogged until he reached the car and climbed in the back seat even though Peter wasn’t there to take the front. It seemed weird to switch things up.

“Hey Body Snatcher,” Happy quipped. “Nice to see you.”

“Hey Uncle Forehead,” Harley said with a smirk.

“Two good things. Go.” Happy put the car in drive and began to head back to the Tower.

Harley shifted his backpack on the seat next to him and blew out a puff of air. “I’m going to Ned’s for movie night,” he said. “And Peter and I both turned in our English papers, and they don’t completely suck. You?”

He and Happy kept up the conversation all the way back to Manhattan. When Harley got back, he felt really odd setting up his usual spot in the kitchen without Peter. He had known about Spider-Man for two days, but the reality of Peter’s “internship” finally hit him as he ate celery and peanut butter alone. He shrugged it off and worked on some homework for a bit, getting his chemistry equations out of the way.

“Hey, FRIDAY?” Harley asked, putting his books away. “Are Tony and Pepper here?”

“Ms. Potts is working late tonight and Boss is down in his lab,” the AI replied. “Do you need assistance?”

“No thanks, just curious.”

Harley went up to his room to pack a quick bag for Ned’s. He stopped himself from getting on the elevator to run into Peter’s room and grab some clothes for him too. It was spur of the moment, and he knew Peter hadn’t made a firm commitment to come to movie night, but Harley figured he could spare some PJs and an outfit for tomorrow.

Once he was all done, he had FRIDAY take the elevator down to Tony’s lab to say goodbye. When he got downstairs, he spotted Tony sitting at his lab bench working on a gauntlet. Just above the lab table, he had a screen pulled up, and Harley watched as vitals were measured and recorded. Heartbeat, blood pressure, altitude, and more flickered back at him. Tony looked up every few seconds and squinted to read the vitals before going back to work.

“Hey,” Harley said.

Tony practically jumped out of his seat, startled by the teen’s presence. “Geez, kid! Give a guy a warning next time!”

“Sorry,” Harley replied sheepishly. “Is it cool if I still go to Ned’s for movie night? He said I can stay over too.”

Tony nodded, his heart rate returning to normal. “Absolutely. You coming back tomorrow?” Harley nodded. “Okay, be safe. Text or call if you need anything.”

Harley jutted his head towards the hologram. “What’s all that?”

Tony rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat. “Just some...uh...well…”

Suddenly, the heart rate on the hologram increased, and Tony furrowed his brow in concern. “FRIDAY?”

“It appears to be a normal spike due to an adrenaline rush,” the AI soothed. “There is no indication the suit has been damaged or that Peter is in distress.”

“Wait, those are Peter’s?” Harley asked. “You’re spying on him?”

Tony adjusted the gauntlet and held it up so the index finger was aiming at Harley. “First of all, this is not spying. It’s called monitoring. There’s a difference, look it up.” He sighed and let the gauntlet gently clatter against the table. “Secondly, I’m just keeping track of his vitals. It’s not like I’m watching his video feed.”

“Video feed?”

Tony closed his eyes and carefully tapped his eyelids. “In case it ever needs to be used as evidence in court. Or if…”

“You need to find him?” Harley finished.

“Boss,” FRIDAY interrupted. “Police reports are coming in about Spider-Man stopping a car jacking. That would be the most logical reason for the spike in heart rate.”

“Thanks Fri,” Tony mumbled. He rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair. Harley couldn’t help but notice how much older Tony looked.

“Do you want me to stay here tonight?” Harley asked tentatively.

“What?” Tony looked up. “No, go have fun. I’m fine.” He caught Harley glancing at the hologram uncertainly. “Seriously, go. Just don’t get bitten by anything radioactive and become an enhanced vigilante.”

Harley grinned. “No promises.” He went to turn around but paused. “Hey Tony?”

“Hmm?”

“Peter’s lucky to have you looking after him.”

Tony gave Harley a small smile. “Thanks, kid.”

“And that’s why living a life of crime is so bad!” Peter exclaimed as he finished scribbling a note for the police. He stuck the note to the webs that were currently wrapped around one of two muggers he had busted in an alleyway.

“Anyone ever tell you that you talk too damn much?” the other mugger growled. Peter knew it was petty, but he shot a web over the guy’s mouth.

“Meh, I may have heard that once or twice,” Peter replied. He backed away and began jogging towards the main street. “Stop robbing people! It’s not nice!” He reached up and shot a web at the building across the street, and the momentum propelled him into the air.

He swung through Queens for a little bit and paused at the edge of a rooftop. His first day back on patrol had been a success. He had stopped two car jackings, three muggings, one convenience store robbery, and a sweet old man had bought him a soft pretzel because Peter helped him move his furniture into his son’s new apartment.

“Karen, any activity?” Peter asked his trusty AI.

“Pretty quiet right now, Peter,” she replied. “I’ll keep checking the police scanners though. You’re doing really well tonight!”

Peter felt himself grin at the praise. “Thanks.” He tapped the side of his suit and a thin layer peeled down to reveal his cell phone. The screen showed him that it was almost 9, and he knew Ned, MJ, and Harley were probably on the fourth episode of Firefly by now.

A small part of him wished he was there with them watching the the show, but the other part of him knew he had a responsibility to keep people in Queens safe. He had these awesome powers, and it would be a waste not to use them.

The hair on the back of his neck stood up and he looked down to see a woman walking alone near a dark alley. Three shadowy figures closely tailed her, and Peter sprung into action. Movie night could wait.

He had a city to save.

Harley shoved handful after handful of popcorn in his mouth as he eagerly watched the screen in front of him. Ned had been right, it was an absolute travesty that he hadn’t watched this show earlier. Having consumed the rest of the bowl, he reached out for another slice of pizza, but the box was disappointingly empty.

The episode ended, and MJ quickly jumped up. “Bathroom break!” she exclaimed, rushing out the door.

“You have two minutes then I’m starting!” Ned shouted after her.

“You better not, Leeds!”

Ned leaned over and whispered. “I’m totally kidding. MJ’s scary when she’s mad, and there’s no way I’d do it on purpose.”

Harley laughed and settled back into his beanbag chair. The police scanner on Ned’s windowsill squawked, but Harley had gotten so used to it by the end of the first episode that he barely even noticed it now.

He had first asked Ned about it when he arrived at the apartment hours earlier. Ned had explained that he kept it on whenever Peter was out on patrol just in case something bad happened and he needed to let Tony know. Harley didn’t bother telling him about Tony’s holographic vitals monitor because he was pretty sure Ned already knew. If he had been able to hack the suit before, then Peter’s Guy in the Chair was quite familiar with the safeguards and protocols Tony had put in place.

MJ’s phone had also been vibrating with new notifications about Spider-Man sightings. Harley had caught her skimming through a blog about how Spider-Man stopped an ATM robbery just twenty minutes ago. She had found Harley staring and had glared at him until he turned his attention back to the movie. Despite her front, he knew she cared about Peter.

It was clearly obvious that Tony wasn’t the only one who wanted to keep an eye on the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Harley yawned and took his phone out of his pocket. It was almost midnight, which meant Peter was going to be due for his curfew. He opened a text and sent one to Peter.

Potato Gun Master: You should come over to Ned’s and finish movie night.

Before he could even put his phone down, it buzzed with a response.

Webz: Can’t, no clothes. Don’t want to wear what I had at school all night.

Potato Gun Master: I brought you some.

Webz: Talk later!

Suddenly, the police scanner burst to life.

“All units, be advised, Spider-Man is on the scene of a gang disturbance on Jamaica Avenue and 148th Street. Backup requested.”

“How far is that from here?” Harley asked, knowing Ned was listening.

Ned hummed thoughtfully. “About twenty minutes or so. Peter could probably swing here in ten.”

Harley nodded but didn’t have time to dwell on it because MJ came back into the room and plopped back down on her bean bag chair, causing the faux pleather to deflate under her weight. Ned threw some popcorn at her before turning on the next episode.

They were so engrossed in the show that they didn’t notice something sneak up to Ned’s window. Mal’s crew was just getting ready to kick some ass when a knock against the glass had the three teens screaming and tossing their popcorn in the air.

“Holy shit!” Ned exclaimed. He chucked popcorn at the window. “Peter, you asshole!” He quickly got up and unlocked the window so Peter could climb inside.

“I didn’t want to come through the front door!” Peter argued. His mask slid away and revealed a sweaty Peter will an extreme case of mask hair. He was completely disheveled, but his eyes were bright and excited. “What episode are you on?” he asked.

“Seven,” MJ replied. “You have three minutes to change and then we’re starting without you.”

Peter didn’t waste a breath as he darted out of the room. Harley managed to toss him the backpack with the extra clothes before he disappeared completely.

“There’s extra deodorant under the sink!” Ned yelled. “Use it!”

Peter managed to make it back with nine seconds to spare. There weren’t enough bean bag chairs to go around, so Ned and Harley moved theirs right next to each other so Peter could take up the middle.

“Well?” Peter asked, clapping his hands. “Let’s aim to misbehave!”

He didn’t even struggle when Ned and Harley dumped an entire bowl of popcorn over his head.

Tony and Pepper were just about to head to bed when Tony’s phone beeped on the nightstand. He tapped open a picture text and grinned when he saw who it was from.

“Check it out,” he said, showing Pepper the phone.

The selfie showed Peter, Harley, Ned, and MJ all in their pajamas huddled on top of a bunch of bean bag chairs. Peter had popcorn all in his hair, and they wore the goofiest smiles on their faces.

“Made it to Ned’s for movie night,” Tony said, reading the text that accompanied the pic. “Tell Ms. Potts we said hello and we hope you have a good night!”

Pepper leaned over and kissed Tony’s bare shoulder. “See? It all worked out.”

“Yeah,” Tony scoffed. “And I bet I have a bunch of grey hairs to add to my collection.”

Pepper reached out and ran her fingers through Tony’s hair, making him practically purr at the sensation. “I don’t know,” she chuckled and he melted into her touch. “Looks pretty good to me.”

Tony cupped her cheeks and gently kissed her. “Hey,” he whispered with a smile when he pulled back.

“Hey yourself,” she said coyly. She kissed him again and moved to his neck, finding a particularly sensitive spot. Tony let out a small gasp and pulled her on top of him, and he ran his hands up and down her sides. Pepper pulled a bit on his shoulders, and he took that as his cue to lay completely flat on his back. She straddled his waist, and he helped her pull off her oversized t-shirt and toss it somewhere on the floor.

“Thank god for movie night,” he whispered in awe as he stared at Pepper. She smiled and kissed his chest, lingering a bit at the scars where the arc reactor used to be, and continued moving down, down, down.

“F-F-FRIDAY,” Tony choked out as Pepper pulled down his sweatpants and boxer briefs with ease. “Unless Peter or Harley are in trouble, or Emergency Protocols 1-14 are activated, you’re in Do Not Disturb Mod-ah!” He threw his head back against the pillow and grabbed the sheets with a white-knuckled grip as he groaned.

If Tony wasn’t so preoccupied with Pepper’s preoccupation with him, he would have been able to hear the slight smirk in his AI’s voice.

“You got it, Boss.”

Chapter Text

Tony knew something was up with Peter and Harley, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what.

It had started out innocently enough. Harley had texted him that morning asking if he and Peter could go to midnight bowling with Ned and MJ. Tony had hesitated at first since they had been gone the night before for movie night, but it would give him some much needed alone time in the lab, so he said yes.

Then, Peter texted about ten minutes later and asked if Tony could spare some MIT gear for the teens. Apparently, the bowling had a college theme, and they didn’t want to be the only ones there wearing high school gear. A tiny red flag popped up in Tony’s brain at the request, but he shrugged it off and dug out a few tees and sweatshirts from his college days.

But now that Peter and Harley were at the Tower for the afternoon, they were being uncharacteristically quiet. Their normal banter while they worked in the lab was practically non-existent, and they wouldn’t look Tony directly in the eye for long. Peter was especially fidgety, and Tony caught Harley shooting Peter looks as if signaling for the teen to calm the hell down.

Something was definitely up, and Tony needed to investigate.

He sent Peter and Harley upstairs for lunch, and as soon as they were out of sight, he got to work.

“Hey, FRIDAY,” he said, “find the midnight bowling place Peter and Harley were talking about.”

“There are approximately seven bowling alleys that offer midnight bowling in the immediate area,” FRIDAY replied. “That number goes up to fifteen if you factor in Queens, Brooklyn, and Staten Island.”

“Which one has a college night tonight?” Tony asked.

FRIDAY paused a beat before answering. “None.”

Tony wrinkled his nose. “None? Are you sure?”

“Very sure.”

“So what the hell are they doing?” he whispered to himself.

“Boss, if I can interject…?”

Tony scoffed. “Like that’s stopped you before.”

FRIDAY chose to ignore that jab. “There are three bars that are hosting college nights this evening.”

Tony actually laughed at that one. “Are you seriously suggesting that Peter and his friends are going to a bar ?”

“Considering I said it, then yes,” FRIDAY sassed.

“A bar.”

“Yes.”

Tony crossed his arms in disbelief. “No way.”

“My algorithm predicts that this is the most likely scenario considering the midnight bowling doesn’t exist.”

Tony was dumbfounded. He hadn’t kept in touch with Harley for years, but he was extremely confident that there was no way in hell Peter Benjamin Parker would try and get into a bar. As far as Tony knew, the kid had never even tried alcohol.

“There’s gotta be another explanation,” Tony finally reasoned.

“If you say so, Boss.”

“Watch it,” Tony replied. “I didn’t program you to be sassy.”

“Yes you did.”

“Ah, zip it.”

“So tell me more about midnight bowling,” Tony said casually as he walked into the kitchen.

Peter dropped his fork in shock, and it clattered loudly against the plate. “W-W-What?” he stuttered. Harley let out an exasperated sigh and had to refrain from putting his head in his hands.

“Midnight bowling,” Tony repeated. “Never took you for a bowler.”

“Well, uh…” Peter tried to think of words, but all common sense failed him, and he looked to Harley for help.

“I haven’t been bowling a lot,” Harley interjected. “The alley by me shut down years ago.” He looked at Peter expectantly.

“Y-Yeah!” Peter exclaimed loudly. “So we’d thought...I mean, Ned, MJ, and I thought...that we’d take Harley.”

“To go bowling,” Tony said. Peter nodded. “At midnight.”

“Technically,” Harley said, “it starts at nine, but you can play until one.”

Tony shrugged his shoulders. “And why not go bowling during the day? It’d probably be less crowded.”

Harley and Peter both froze, but surprisingly, Peter was the first to recover. “C’mon, Mr. Stark,” he chuckled nervously, “it’s all about the experience.”

“Uh huh…” Tony trailed off, clearly not believing them. He opened up the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. “Well, I still have work to get done. Try not to burn the floor down before you leave, okay?” He gave them a quick salute and left the kitchen. But instead of actually going to the lab, he snuck into a random hallway closet and shut the door.

“FRIDAY,” he whispered, “activate the microphone in the kitchen. Quietly.”

A few seconds later, Tony could hear Harley and Peter.

“...bad idea!” Peter whisper-shouted. “We’re going to get caught!”

“You are the worst at keeping secrets,” Harley complained. “You just need to act natural!”

“Natural? Natural?!” Peter yelped. “We bought those...those things off the street and now you want me to act natural?” Tony heard a thump and he assumed Peter had banged his head down against the island. “We should have just stayed at Ned’s,” he whined, his voice muffled.

Harley sighed. “Let’s just play video games for a while,” he said encouragingly. “Then we don’t have to see Tony, and before you know it, we’ll be leaving.”

“Should we, you know, take them with us?” Peter asked softly.

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“We’ve gotta act natural, remember? Any change to what we normally do, and Tony’ll be suspicious.”

“Fine,” Peter conceded. “Let’s go.”

There was some more shuffling and clattering as Harley and Peter cleaned up. When it was silent for a minute, Tony opened the closet door and peeked out into the hallway. The coast was clear, and he snuck back into the kitchen.

Everything looked completely normal, which further stumped Tony. “What were you going to take?” Tony asked himself, scanning the counters and floor.

“Boss, Peter was looking at his backpack when he said that,” FRIDAY supplied helpfully.

Tony spotted the backpacks in the decorative crates that Pepper had gotten them. Both bags had their pockets unzipped, no doubt the result of Peter and Harley taking their clothes out from the night before. Tony felt super guilty about prodding, but he gently widened the gap and glanced inside. Besides a few textbooks, absolutely nothing looked unusual.

He pulled Peter’s backpack upright again and noticed the teen’s wallet had fallen out. Since Tony hadn’t heard anything drop, he knew it was already at the bottom of the crate when he had started his investigation. He sighed and reached down to pick up the wallet, convinced his mission to find out what was going on was a failure. He flipped the wallet open and shut a few times for fun when something caught his eye.

Tony Stark was about to have two very, very grounded teenagers on his hands.

“You found WHAT?!” Pepper screeched. She had barely been back for five minutes when Tony ambushed her and dragged her into their bedroom.

“Fake IDs!” Tony exclaimed, holding up Peter’s wallet. Pepper’s eyes widened when she saw a driver’s license for Peter B. Parker, birthdate August 10th, 1999. He pulled another wallet out of his pocket and showed her Harley’s “license”.

“Wait,” she said, reading their birthdates, “this only makes them 19.”

“Right?!” Tony shook his head. “It’s not even a good fake ID! This is why you always check the work before handing over the money!”

“Tony!” Pepper warned.

“What? I’m freaking out right now! Our kids have fake IDs! None of the parenting books covered this shit!”

Despite the serious situation, Pepper couldn’t help but smile. “Our kids?” she asked teasingly.

Tony pointed one of the wallets at Pepper. “Don’t try and be cute. This is serious.”

“Oh, it’s very cute that you’re so serious right now.”

“Pep!” Tony whined.

Pepper sighed. “The parenting books didn’t cover fake IDs, but they did cover communication. So why don’t we just ask them?”

“You seriously think they’re going to tell us the truth?” Tony asked uncertainly.

“It’s worth a shot,” Pepper shrugged.

Which is why, two minutes later, Pepper and Tony walked into Peter’s room, where the teens were both playing Super Smash Bros on the Switch. They managed to look up from the game to say hello to their visitors, but once they saw their wallets in Tony’s hand, their expressions dropped and faces paled.

“Turn the game off, please,” Pepper requested.

Harley immediately obeyed, and they both stood up, waiting for Pepper and Tony to make the next move.

Talk to them calmly , Tony reminded himself. They’ll get defensive if you attack.

“So,” Tony said, clearing his throat, “we promise we’re not going to be mad, but we want to know why you both have fake IDs.”

Peter mumbled something incoherent, and no matter how hard Tony and Pepper leaned forward, they had no idea what he said.

“Little louder,” Tony said, trying to keep his calm demeanor.

Peter’s face turned scarlet as he looked up at Tony. “You have to be eighteen to hold the dogs and cats at the animal shelter.”

“You know, kid,” Tony said, a speech already prepared, “I really thought you knew better than to drink-wait, what?” He glanced at Pepper, who looked just as confused as him. “Did you just say animal shelter?”

Peter nodded miserably. “The ones in Queens is doing an adoption event tonight, and you go dressed in your pajamas and help cuddle the animals before bed, but you have to be eighteen.”

Tony was dumbfounded. “So...these aren’t for getting into a bar?” he asked, holding the wallets up.

Peter and Harley actually looked offended that Tony would even ask that. “No!” Harley exclaimed. “Alcohol is so expensive, and we’ve got better things to do.”

“Plus it’s gross,” Peter added. He quickly wilted under Tony’s glare. “Or, I mean, um, that’s...that’s what I’ve heard. Y-Yeah.”

“Besides,” Harley said, “those only put us at nineteen. We tried to make it believable.”

“Yeah,” Tony replied sarcastically, “because you both look old enough to be in college. Wait!” He paused as something dawned on him. “That’s why you wanted to borrow my MIT stuff.”

Peter nodded. “MJ thought we could pass as college students doing charity work.”

“So MJ and Ned are in on this too?” Pepper asked, crossing her arms.

“Um...maybe?”

“Were you going to skip patrol for this?” Tony asked.

Peter nodded. “Abandoned animals need help from Spider-Man too.”

Tony wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry in relief. Good lord, these kids were going to kill him or turn his hair permanently grey.

“I’m sorry,” Harley said softly, interrupting Tony from his thoughts.

“Yeah,” Peter agreed. “I’m really sorry too.”

Tony sighed and looked at Pepper for help, but she seemed just as uncertain with what to do next as he did. Trying to get into a bar with a fake ID? That was the conversation Tony had somewhat mentally prepared for. Using a fake ID to cuddle puppies and kittens? That was entirely new territory.

“We forgive you,” Tony said sincerely. “Of course we forgive you.” Peter and Harley visibly relaxed at Tony’s words. “But we’re really going to have to talk about where you got these fakes from. They’re horrible -”

“Tony!” Pepper admonished while Peter and Harley giggled.

“What?” he protested. “I’m just saying! FRIDAY could make better ones on printer paper!”

“Seriously?” Pepper asked, directing her glare at him.

“It’s true, Ms. Potts,” FRIDAY chimed in.

“So, uh, what’s our punishment?” Harley interrupted.

“Punishment?” Tony blinked at him.

“Yeah. For buying the fake IDs.”

A grin took over Tony’s face. “Oh I have something perfect in mind.”

Peter, Harley, MJ, and Ned looked positively mortified as Tony and Pepper dragged them into the animal shelter decked out in MIT t-shirts and fuzzy pants (at Tony’s insistence). It was already bustling with people, and they watched as volunteers led people clad in pajamas back to the kennel area.

“Excuse me,” Tony said, flashing the nearest volunteer a smile, “could you point me to the person running this event?”

The poor guy looked stunned to find Tony Stark in the middle of the animal shelter, but he managed to nod and point to a woman near the front desk. Tony gave him a quick salute and guided the teens forward.

“Hi there,” Tony said to the woman. “So, funny story for you. These kids really, really want to take part in your event tonight. But see, they’re not eighteen. So they came up with a creative solution. Go ahead, tell her what you did.” He nudged them forward.

“We bought fake IDs,” Peter, Harley, Ned, and MJ mumbled together.

“Fake IDs?” the woman asked, raising her eyebrows in disbelief. “You bought fake IDs to come to our event?”

“Yep,” Tony replied, putting extra emphasis on the “p”. “So that brings me to my question. Is there any way I could sign a waiver for these four knuckleheads so they can get all this cuddling out of their systems? With the animals, not each other.” The teens all groaned and turned an even brighter shade of red at Tony’s embarrassing remark. “I’m Tony Stark, by the way,” he added flashing her one of his charming smiles and sticking out his hand.

“I know who you are, Mr. Stark,” the woman replied with a smirk. “Marjorie Wilson.” She shook his hand and stared at the teens intently. “Did you four learn your lesson?”

“Yes,” they all said.

“Where are your fake IDs?” she asked. Tony pulled all four (he had confiscated Ned and MJ’s too) and handed them to her. Marjorie carefully inspected them. “These aren’t even that good .”

“Right?!” Tony exclaimed, shooting Pepper an “I told you so” look.

Marjorie hummed thoughtfully. “You know, I have some business to attend to for a few minutes.” She pulled out six visitor badges and placed them on the desk. “With an event as big as this, it can be difficult to keep track of who goes in and out.” She gave them all a wink and headed away from the desk. “Make sure you stay with them the whole time,” she whispered to Tony and Pepper as the teens not-so-subtly grabbed the badges.

“You got it,” Tony promised. “Hey, how much money are you trying to raise tonight?”

“Honestly? We’re trying to get animals adopted more than anything, but we can normally pull in about $5,000 from donations,” Marjorie replied. “Have a good night.”

Tony turned to say something to Pepper, but she already had her checkbook out. “Does $10,000 sound good?” she asked.

“Make it 15,” Tony replied. He grabbed badges for him and Pepper while she hid the check behind the front desk, and they all headed to the back.

Tony really didn’t think the teens could spend almost four hours playing with animals, but he was so wrong. They all seemed to make it their personal missions to come in contact with every cat and dog in the shelter. Peter and Ned played tug-of-war with the dogs while Harley and MJ gently lifted the cats up as the reenacted the scene from the Lion King. Tony had never seen Peter talk to animals, but it was probably one of the most adorable things he had ever witnessed.

Pepper couldn’t resist getting in on the fun too. She was more than willing to stand still for three adorable kittens that had decided her leg made the perfect climbing post. She giggled like a little kid and posed as Tony took a picture of her.

The night was finally winding down, and Peter, Harley, Ned, and MJ were all huddled together in one of the larger kitten rooms. The puppies had all been taken back to their kennels, but when Marjorie saw the check Tony and Pepper had left her, she let them have ten extra minutes before she officially closed the event for the night.

The teens were already starting to doze, their eyes fluttering open and shut along with the kittens. Tony could hear the kittens purring like crazy from the doorway, and he smiled as he leaned his head against Pepper’s shoulder.

“You know,” Pepper said softly, “there’s a lot of research that shows owning pets can be a good way to teach responsibility.”

Tony took his head off her shoulder and looked at her in disbelief. “Pepper Potts!” he whispered dramatically. “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”

“I’m not suggesting anything,” she smirked. “I’m merely stating a fact.”

“Uh huh.”

“It’s all very scientific,” she assured him.

“Oh, totally.” Tony paused and carefully considered his next words. “A dog doesn’t really fit in with our lifestyle…”

“No,” Pepper admitted, “but a cat does.”

“You sure?” Tony asked. “You’re really sure about this?”

Pepper looked back to Peter and Harley, who had both fallen asleep. They were each cuddling a kitten to their chests, their arms curled around them protectively. The kitten in Peter’s arm let out a huge yawn before nestling deeper in his embrace, while Harley’s kitten snuffled adorably in its sleep. The two boys were completely oblivious as they snoozed, and Tony snapped a picture to send to Peter’s aunt and Harley’s mom.

“Yeah,” Pepper finally said with a smile.

“I am.”

Chapter Text

Whenever James Rhodes finished a mission, he liked to take his scant downtime and use it to harass his best friend. So, it wasn’t all that uncommon for Rhodey to pop by the Tower unannounced. He had the highest clearance, and if Tony wasn’t around to bother in his lab, he would just chill in the common room to watch TV or get some work done until his friend got back. Since he had a whole day in New York before he needed to go to DC for the week, he was more than happy to take a detour to the Tower. No matter where Rhodey went in the world, he could always expect things at Tony’s to be pretty much the same.

But, oh boy, was he in for the surprise of his life today.

Rhodey stepped out of the elevator and headed towards the kitchen to raid Tony’s well-stocked fridge, but he froze in his tracks when he found two teenagers standing in the middle of the room.

“Umm,” he said, “who the hell are you?”

Both boys whirled around at the intruder. The one with brown hair paled as he recognized Rhodey.

“Colonel Rhodes, sir!” the teen squeaked. “What, uh, what are you, you doing here?”

Okay, so the kid knew who Rhodey was. That was a bit unexpected. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and tried his best to look intimidating.

“I’m gonna ask you one more time,” he said sternly, “who are you and why are you in Tony Stark’s kitchen?”

“Technically,” the blonde interjected, “you didn’t ask us why we were here the first time, so you can’t really be asking it again, can you?”

The other teen looked like he was about to pass out as Rhodey shot his friend an unimpressed glare. “Seriously, kid?”

“I’m Peter. Peter Parker. And this is Harley Keener.” Peter held his hand out and Rhodey shook it. Harley just gave him a wave and went back to making his breakfast.

“And you’re here because…?” Rhodey asked.

“We live here,” Harley replied, spreading some peanut butter on a blueberry bagel.

“You live here?”

“Yup.”

“With Tony.”

“And Ms. Potts,” Peter added.

“Uh huh.” Rhodey squinted his eyes at Peter. Something about his voice and nervous mannerisms seemed very familiar about him…

Suddenly it clicked, and Rhodey gaped at the teen. “You’re the Spider thing!” he exclaimed. “From Germany!”

“W-W-What?” Peter stuttered. “N-No! I’m...I’m not Spider-Man.”

“Worst liar ever,” Harley muttered under his breath. He sat up on the counter and shook his head at Peter.

“You wanna try that again?” Rhodey asked, stealing a bagel from the bag before Harley could close it. He ripped a piece of viciously, and his gaze never left Peter’s as he chewed it in a way that he hoped looked intimidating.

Peter didn’t stand a chance.

“I, well, uh...yeah, okay,” Peter finally admitted. “That was me.”

Rhodey was officially going to kill Tony for bringing a kid into a firefight. He was used to his best friend being reckless, but this was a whole new low. But before Rhodey got a chance to say anything else, someone interrupted.

“Honey Bear!”

Tony practically barreled into Rhodey and placed a dramatic kiss on his cheek. Thankfully, Rhodey’s braces took most of the impact, and that saved them from toppling onto the floor. Rhodey sighed as he watched his bagel fall from his hands and roll across the kitchen floor.

“How’s my War Machine doing?” Tony asked. He held his hands out, and Harley tossed him a bagel before finally securing the bag.

“It’s Iron Patriot, and you know it,” Rhodey replied dryly.

“War Machine sounds way cooler though,” Harley said.

“Definitely,” Peter agreed.

“I’ve got a bone to pick with you,” Rhodey said, pointing his finger at Tony. “A few bones actually. Starting with these two.”

“What, Harley and Peter?” Tony asked nonchalantly. “Speaking of…” He turned to look at the teens. “Homework needs to be done by dinner. You going out tonight?”

Peter nodded. “Yeah, but I’ll be done patrolling by 10, I promise. I want to actually try the new Potato Gun web shooter setting tonight.”

Tony raised his brows at Peter’s willingness to talk about Spider-Man, but the way Rhodey was glaring at him said that he already knew. “Kid, told you, huh?” he asked.

“That was the other bone.”

Tony shrugged him off. “Long story short: kid has superpowers and was going around trying to save Queens in a onesie. I gave him an upgrade.”

“It was not a onesie,” Peter grumbled.

“Uh, yeah it was,” Tony shot back.

“You brought a teenager to a fight with some of the world’s strongest superheroes,” Rhodey said disapprovingly.

“Meh, maybe not my brightest decision, but hey, I’m learning.” Tony grinned. “You’d be proud of how responsible I’ve been, Rhodes. These two have curfews and everything.”

“Yeah, and he’s even reading parenting books,” Harley chimed in, causing Tony to blush and swat at the teen’s head.

Rhodey began putting the pieces together in his mind. Harley and Peter may have different last names, but they could definitely pass as siblings. And there were very few scenarios Rhodey could create in his head that involved Tony willingly taking in two teenagers.

Oh.

Oh.

“Tones, did he just say parenting-”

“Boss,” FRIDAY interrupted. “Ms. Potts wants me to remind you that you need to be in the office for the conference call in two minutes, or she will personally kill you.”

“Ugh,” Tony whined as he rolled his eyes. “Who the hell schedules a conference call on a Sunday morning?!”

“Technically, Boss, it’s already Monday in Japan.”

“FRIDAY, we’ve talked about the sass. I coded you better than this.”

“No you didn’t,” Peter and Harley snickered.

“Tony, hold up,” Rhodey said, “you can’t seriously be telling me-”

“Hey wait a second!” Peter exclaimed. “We need to go to the pet store!”

Tony frowned, but then he caught Rhodey’s confused expression, and he smiled. “Uncle Rhodey will take you!” He patted his pockets and pulled out his wallet. “Here, charge whatever you need to my card. Go out for lunch or something too.” When Rhodey didn’t reach out for the credit card, Tony tossed it to Peter.

“Can we bring them with?” Peter asked. “Please?” He flashed Tony his best puppy dog eyes, and Rhodey watched his best friend cave in an instant.

“Fine,” Tony conceded, “but they stay in the carriers.”

“We promise!” Harley said, crossing an “X” over his heart. He hopped off the counter and motioned for Rhodey to follow him.

“Wait!” Rhodey protested. “I’ve got questions! Tones, you can’t leave me alone with two kids!” He blinked as his brain caught up. “Hang on, did you say we’re going to a pet store?”

But Tony ignored Rhodey and waved him off as he headed towards his office. “Be good for Uncle Rhodey!” he called as he disappeared down the hall.

Rhodey had over 138 combat missions under his belt, but nothing in his lifetime had ever mentally prepared him for taking care of Tony Stark’s children. Which apparently, Rhodey knew nothing about and Tony had decided not to share. He kept glancing in his rearview mirror at Peter and Harley who were each holding a kitten in their arms. The carriers were abandoned on the floor, and the teens kept holding the kittens up to the windows to look outside.

Rhodey shook his head to clear his mind. He had nieces and nephews, he could handle Peter and Harley.

“What are their names?” he asked.

“This is Nikola,” Peter replied, holding up a grey kitten. Nikola had long whiskers and bright, blue eyes. He let out a soft “mew” and reached his paws out towards the window. Peter obediently perched the cat and kissed the top of his forehead. Good lord, this kid was precious.

“And this is Tesla,” Harley said. Tesla was a light brown cat with dark brown stripes, and he was completely content to smush his face against the window and lick the glass. Rhodey could hear him purring from the driver’s seat.

“Did Tony name them?” Rhodey asked with a smirk.

“No, we did,” Peter replied.

Of course Tony’s kids would name their kittens after a famous scientist.

“And we’re going to the pet store because…?”

“We adopted them last night,” Harley explained. “It was super late when we got back, so we only have temporary litter boxes and the little bit of food from the shelter.”

“We should make a list,” Peter said. He carefully grabbed his phone out of his pocket while not losing his grip on Nikola. “We need food, litter, litter boxes, cat beds, toys…”

“Litter bags,” Rhodey added. “Trust me, my sister has cats, and those bags make cleaning up super easy. Oh, and some cat trees or something to help keep their claws in check.”

“Thanks Colonel Rhodes!”

“It’s Rhodey, kid.”

“Thanks Mr. Rhodey.”

“Don’t even bother,” Harley interjected before Rhodey could protest. “He calls Tony “Mr. Stark” too.”

“It’s his name!” Peter defended.

Rhodey smirked. “Kid, as your superior officer, I am ordering you to call me Rhodey.”

“Ooooo,” Harley grinned. “He pulled rank!”

Peter opened his mouth to protest, but then he closed it again. “Yes, sir,” he mumbled.

“What’s my name?” Rhodey asked.

“Rhodey,” Peter replied.

Rhodey smiled. “Damn straight.”

“I can’t believe,” Harley seethed, pointing at the bag of cat food in Peter’s arms. “that you would even think about feeding Nikola and Tesla that crap. The protein content is way below mine!”

“Please,” Peter scoffed. “Did you even read the ingredients on yours? It’s got cornmeal listed as the second ingredient! Cornmeal is empty nutrition!”

“Oh my god,” Rhodey groaned, banging his head against the cart handle, “we’re going to be here all day!” Nikola and Tesla smushed their faces against their carriers and meowed at him.

Rhodey stared at Harley’s cart, which was barely loaded with the supplies they needed. Harley and Peter had somehow unanimously decided on litter and boxes, but they were currently stuck on food. And considering how much they still had left to buy, Rhodey’s relaxing day in the city was quickly dwindling.

“Listen,” he interjected, causing the teens to pause, “my sister always gets BLUE for her cats. Swears by the stuff.”

Peter put his own bag down and scanned the shelf until he found a bag of BLUE. He and Harley turned it over and poured over the ingredients list and protein content. They both hummed thoughtfully and looked back to Rhodey with a smile.

“This’ll work,” Harley determined as Peter nodded his agreement.

Rhodey rolled his eyes. “Great! Now put it in the cart please and let’s go.”

“Beds and toys are next, right?” Peter asked as he put the smaller bag back and grabbed a thirty pound bag with ease. He hoisted it into the cart and wove his way under Rhodey’s arms to make kissy noises at Nikola and Tesla.

Harley nodded. “And some type of cat tree.”

Now that the food and litter were sorted, finding the rest of the supplies was much easier. Even though the kittens were technically Tony and Pepper’s, Peter shopped for Nikola and Harley shopped for Tesla.

Peter picked a bright purple bed for Nikola, and Harley chose a vibrant blue. They both examined the cat trees with a steely intensity to see which one would provide the most stimulation and excitement for the kittens. They wanted to take the kittens out and let them test the different trees, but Rhodey put his foot down. He didn’t want them to get kicked out of the store. In the end, they chose a seven foot monstrosity that resembled something that came out of the Amazon Rainforest. Rhodey wasn’t 100% sure how the thing was going to fit in his car, but once Peter and Harley made up their minds, there was no stopping them.

They rounded out their excursion by getting leashes and harnesses because the teens were convinced they could train the kittens to be walked around the city. They also each picked out three toys for each kitten, and by the time they pushed the carts to the register, Rhodey was preemptively wincing at how much Tony’s credit card was going to take a hit.

It took some finagling, but they were able to fit everything into the car. Peter and Harley were practically sitting in each other’s laps to make the cat tree boxes fit, but it was all packed. Rhodey opted to pick up subs from a pizza place near the Tower since there was no way the teens would be able to get out of the car and get back in again without disturbing Nikola and Tesla’s supplies.

“Did you buy the entire pet store?” Tony asked with a grin as they shoved everything off the elevator. Peter was using his super strength to his advantage, carrying the four cat tree boxes and three cartons of litter.

“Sure felt like it,” Rhodey replied. “We brought back food.”

“Thank god!” Tony groaned. “I’ve been on that conference call since you left, and I’m starving!”

“Can we set up their beds and litter boxes in our rooms first?” Peter asked.

Tony nodded. “Go ahead. We’ll put your stuff on plates while you’re doing that.”

Peter quickly grabbed all the supplies while Harley took the cat carriers, leaving Tony and Rhodey staring after them.

“They didn’t cause too much trouble, did they?” Tony asked, heading towards the kitchen with Rhodey close behind.

“Nah,” Rhodey smiled. “They’re a couple of characters though." 

“That’s an understatement,” Tony snorted.

Rhodey took a deep breath and prepared himself for the conversation he had been mentally rehearsing all day for. “So when were you planning on telling me about them?”

Tony shrugged. “I figured you’d come and visit. Didn’t see a reason to bother you while you were away.”

“That hasn’t stopped you before,” Rhodey shot back with a grin.

“Aww, Honey Bear, you know you miss me when you’re gone.”

“Uh huh,” Rhodey replied dryly.

Tony gasped dramatically and placed a heart over his chest. “How dare you!” But he broke down in giggles a moment later as he opened a cabinet to get out some plates.

“But seriously, Tony,” Rhodey said, “you really weren’t going to tell me you had two kids? I feel like that is worthy of hacking government databases to send me a message.”

Tony’s grip on the plate slipped, and it clattered against the countertop. “Wait, two kids?”

Rhodey nodded. “I mean, being a father is something you’ve talked about but-”

“Woah, woah, woah.” Tony held up his hands, the plate abandoned. “You think Harley and Peter are my sons?!”

“Yeah...” Rhodey said slowly. “Different moms, right?”

“Oh my god,” Tony laughed. “You actually thought...oh my god! Pepper is going to have a field day with that one!”

Rhodey stared at his friend, a confused expression written all over his face. “Hang on, you mean they’re not yours?”

“No!” Tony exclaimed. “Peter’s aunt is out of town and Harley’s mom and stepdad are on their honeymoon! They’re just staying with me until the end of the month!”

“B-But,” Rhodey stuttered, “the parenting books!”

Tony let out another chuckle. “You think I know the first thing about raising teenagers? It’s called research, Rhodes, and it’s what I do best.” He shook his head again. “Wow, people really assume the worst of me, huh? I do know how to use condoms, for your information.”

Rhodey was blown away by this new information. Not only was Tony Stark not a father, but he was willingly taking in two teenagers who needed a place to stay. It was so easy for Rhodey to believe they were Tony’s kids because of the way he interacted with them. The smiles, the goofy banter, the fact that he got two kittens despite once telling Rhodey that his robots were enough pets for one lifetime, all of it.

“Even if they’re not yours,” Rhodey finally said, “they’re pretty lucky to have you.”

Tony waved him off, but Rhodey didn’t miss the bashful smile and faint blush coloring his cheeks. “Eh, Pepper deserves some credit too. At least 12%.”

“Wow!” a voice said from behind them. Pepper walked into the kitchen, gave Rhodey a kiss on the cheek, and poked Tony’s head. “You really don’t know when to let things go.”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” Tony replied with a guilty grin. “I love you way more than 12% by the way.” He puckered his lips and gave Pepper a dramatic kiss on the forehead, causing her to laugh. He wrapped his arms around her and attacked her neck with more kisses as she shrieked and tried to get away.

Footsteps came barreling down the hallway, and Peter and Harley slid into the kitchen, the kittens close behind. They saw Tony kissing Pepper and grimaced.

“Eww!” Harley exclaimed. “My innocent eyes!”

“Innocent my ass,” Tony shot back. “Grab a plate and get your food. I can practically hear your stomachs growling.”

“Do you have another conference call today?” Peter asked, hope lacing his voice. “We were wondering if you wanted to help set up the cat tree.”

“I’m free the rest of the afternoon,” Pepper replied.

“Same here,” Tony added. He looked over to Rhodey. “What do you say, wanna join in on the fun?”

Rhodey smiled at the family standing before him.

“Yeah, man. I’d love to.”

Chapter Text

“Absolutely not.”

“Tonnnnyyyy!” Harley whined.

Tony shook his head firmly. “Nope.”

“But it’s for science, Mr. Stark!” Peter protested. “And my protection! Don’t you want me to be protected when I’m out on patrol?” Tony shot him a quick glare, causing Peter to retract his statement. “I mean, I know you do, obviously, but, like, this would be extra help!”

Tony sighed exasperatedly. “We are not putting flame webs in your suit!” He crossed his arms tightly over his chest to create a bigger sense of authority, but only because there was a part of him that really wanted to make flame webs. But he was an adult in charge of teenagers now, and he needed to be a good example.

Even if it killed him on the inside.

“C’mon Tony!” Harley exclaimed. “This would be a great learning opportunity for us!”

“And again,” Tony said, moving to his workbench and shuffling through blueprints, “we are not going to make flaming webs. There are so many things that could go wrong.”

“Like what?” Peter asked.

Tony grabbed two whiteboard markers of his bench and tossed them at the teens before pointing to the whiteboard in the back of the lab. “Pros and cons list. Include logistics and changes for the suit. Ten minutes. Go.”

Peter and Harley quickly took off, being careful to avoid tripping over Nikola and Tesla as they slept on one of Tony’s old Stark Industries sweatshirts. DUM-E quietly beeped at the teens, no doubt guarding the sleeping kittens. It had become quite attached to the animals, and Nikola and Tesla enjoyed playing with it. DUM-E was in charge of a small basket of cat toys and used its claw to bounce a string for the kittens to play with.

Tony grinned at the sight and set a timer for Peter and Harley. The teens worked hard and scribbled furiously over the board, and sometimes, over each other’s work. They were both extremely intelligent, but Tony had come to learn that Peter’s strengths were in chemistry, physics, and biology, while Harley had a knack for engineering and math. They complimented each other well, and Tony had no doubt that if they were left alone long enough, they could revolutionize technology.

Time was soon up, and Tony walked over to inspect their work.

“Alright,” he said, squinting to try and read their handwriting, “under Pros, we’ve got “looks really cool” and “can take down bigger bad guys”.” He glanced over at Peter. “You shouldn’t be NEAR bigger bad guys, kiddo. Friendly, neighborhood Spider-Man, remember?”

“But, what if a big bad guy decides to invade the friendly neighborhood?” Peter reasoned. “I need to be prepared.”

“With flame webs?” Tony asked.

“Obviously.”

“Moving on!” Tony continued, shaking his head. The Con list was much longer. “Webs aren’t fireproof-”

“Yet,” Harley said.

“-no compact accelerant, accelerant container can break, accelerant container would be too bulky for wrist shooters, flame may not be controllable…” Tony bit back a grin and faced the teens. “I’ve gotta say, sounds like the Cons win.”

Peter shook his head. “You’re looking at this the wrong way, Mr. Stark! We don’t have solutions for these problems yet . But that doesn’t mean we can’t figure them out.”

Tony sighed. There was absolutely no way he wanted Peter dealing with something as volatile and uncontrollable as fire in his suit, especially when split second decisions were crucial. But, that didn’t mean they couldn’t have a little bit of fun in a controlled environment.

“If we make them,” Tony said cautiously, “they stay here. Got it?!”

Peter and Harley jumped up in excitement, more than willing to compromise.

“This is going to be epic!” Harley exclaimed. “We totally need an accelerant that works under pressure, but isn’t as volatile.”

“But how do we get the web fluid and the accelerant to work together?” Peter asked. “My web fluid is based on a nylon composite, so it’s basically fireproof.”

Harley looked to Tony. “What do you think?”

Tony hummed thoughtfully. “Well, if you needed the webs to stick to something, I’d say keep the original formula. But if you’re going for an attack factor, you wouldn’t need it to stick, right?”

Peter’s eyes widened. “So we can change the overall structure of the compound without worrying about changing the function of the fluid.”

“Well,” Tony said, spreading his arms wide, “let’s get to work!”

Pepper walked out of the elevator into the Tower, ready to put the stress of the day behind her. Before Peter and Harley came to stay, it wasn’t all that uncommon for her to be at work until the late hours of the night. But, Tony’s insistence on family dinners made it really easy for her to put her paperwork away and come home at a reasonable time.

But really, she should have known that Tony, Peter, and Harley would find some way to stress her out as soon as she walked through the door.

“Ms. Potts,” FRIDAY greeted, “there is no need for alarm, but we have a small situation.”

Pepper quirked her brows at the AI’s odd choice of comforting words. “Uh huh…” she said slowly.

“Boss may have caught on fire in the lab.”

“He WHAT?!” Pepper yelped. She ran right back over to the elevator. “FRIDAY, take me to the lab now, please.”

“That is inadvisable.”

“FRIDAY,” Pepper growled, “if you don’t take me down right now, I am going to be majorly pissed off. And you don’t want to know what I’m capable of when I’m majorly pissed off.”

FRIDAY paused, and Pepper knew she was running potential risk assessments. “Fine,” the AI conceded. The elevator hummed to life and began to travel down. When the doors opened, a plume of white filled the elevator, and Pepper had to cover her mouth to keep from coughing.

“Tony!” she yelled. “What the hell happened?!”

The first thing she noticed was that almost the entire lab was covered in white. DUM-E was whirring and beeping madly as it rolled around and squirted the fire extinguisher on every surface it deemed necessary. Nikola and Tesla were perched on top of a cabinet, meowing incessantly at everything.

Tony was absolutely covered in white powder, while Peter and Harley had more of a dusting. They all wore lab safety goggles, and Pepper noticed they also had matching jumpsuits. She breathed a sigh of relief when she recognized the flame-proof material Tony had developed for some of his more...ambitious projects.

Tony coughed and waved some of the powder away from his face. “And that *cough* kids is why we *cough* don’t play with fire.” DUM-E rolled over to him and held out the fire extinguisher, but Tony dodged just in time to avoid being sprayed again. “DUM-E!” he yelled. “The fire’s gone! Enough!”

Harley patted DUM-E’s mechanical arm. “You did good, buddy,” he praised.

DUM-E whirred happily and dropped the fire extinguisher on the lab bench before rolling to the back of the room. Nikola and Tesla finally emerged from their perch and took their rightful places on top of the robot.

“Tony,” Pepper said again, “what happened? Are you okay?”

Tony nodded. “Fine, Pep, we’re fine. Just a little mishap.”

Pepper looked around at the trashed lab. “Little?”

“Meh,” Tony shrugged, “maybe more like medium.” He glanced at Peter and Harley. “You two okay?”

Peter nodded. “The fire didn’t even come near us.”

“You were screwing around with fire?!” Pepper exclaimed.

Peter paled under Pepper’s intense gaze. “It was, for uh...science?”

Pepper pinched her nose between her fingers and sighed. “Okay,” she said calmly. “Okay, okay, okay.”

Tony walked up to Pepper but maintained a good distance to avoid getting her clothes dirty. “We’re fine, honey. We were being completely safe.”

“You caught on fire,” Pepper replied, crossing her arms.

“Technically, the suit caught fire, but since it’s flame proof, there was no risk,” Tony promised. “DUM-E just went a little overboard on the fire extinguisher. Seriously, it looks worse than it is.”

Pepper couldn’t help but chuckle at the mess. “It looks like a disaster.”

“Hey!” Harley joked, “Tony can look a little rough on the edges sometimes, but he’s not quite a disaster.”

“You know what, kid...” Tony threatened with a smirk.

“He’s got a point, Mr. Stark,” Peter added. “You are kind of a disaster.”

“Oh no,” Tony said, “I’m not gonna let a kid who was swinging around in a onesie call me a disaster.” He reached his arm out towards DUM-E. “Arm me!” he yelled.

DUM-E reached out and grabbed the discarded fire extinguisher before launching it towards Tony. Unfortunately, its aim was a bit off, and Tony had to duck to avoid getting beamed in the head. Tesla almost fell off the top of DUM-E, but he managed to use his claws to grip and get back up.

“Useless bucket of bolts,” Tony muttered while Peter and Harley howled with laughter. “You think that’s funny?” he asked, stalking towards them. He picked up the discarded fire extinguisher and charged.

Peter and Harley stopped laughing as soon as Tony aimed the extinguisher at them. He chased the teens around the lab, shooting white powder into the air in an attempt to cover them more.

Pepper sought refuge behind DUM-E and scratched Nikola and Tesla’s heads. She just shook her head and picked up the kittens. She waited until Tony, Peter, and Harley were on the other side of the lab before making a break for the door.

“Have fun!” she called over her shoulder once she was safe from the spray. “I’m going to eat, so I guess I’ll see you all later.”

“Eat” was the magic word for Peter and Harley, and they both stopped and stared after Pepper.

“Food?” Peter asked, his stomach already rumbling. “You’re making food right now?”

Pepper nodded. “Chicken nuggets, french fries, and some type of vegetable.”

Harley’s eyes widened. “Chicken nuggets?!” He glanced at Tony. “Later, old man.” He and Peter dashed towards Pepper, but they came to a halt when she put her hand up in front of her.

“If you think you’re coming anywhere near the kitchen like that, you’re out of your mind,” Pepper said. “Shower, clean clothes, then you can eat.”

The teens rolled their eyes, but they carefully scooted around Pepper and headed towards the elevator. Nikola and Tesla wiggled in Pepper’s arms until she put them down, and they obediently followed Peter and Harley.

“And you,” she said, cocking an eyebrow at Tony, “definitely need a shower. Maybe two.”

Tony smirked and held his arms open wide. “Hug first?” he asked hopefully.

Pepper shook her head. “Absolutely not.”

“Pwetty pwease?” Tony asked hopefully, giving her his best puppy dog eyes. He took a few more steps towards her.

“Anthony Stark,” Pepper warned, “if you even think -”

She didn’t get to finish her sentence because Tony bolted forward and started chasing Pepper around the lab. She squealed as she ran to avoid him, but he was just as fast. He managed to corner her, and he grinned wickedly as he scooped her into a hug. Her navy outfit began to take on a white sheen as some of the powder from Tony rubbed off on her clothes.

“Oh no!” Tony said with fake sadness. “Now we both need a shower!”

“You’re the worst!” Pepper groaned, rolling her eyes. She gave him a playful shove, and he giggled back at her.

“You know,” he said suggestively, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear, “we could be good environmentalists and conserve water by showering together.”

Pepper pulled her sleeve over her hand and wiped some of the powder off Tony’s face before giving him a kiss. “Look at you being all considerate to planet Earth,” she chuckled.

“Well you know me,” Tony replied, lowering his voice to a whisper as he moved even closer, “I’m always considerate.”

He wrapped his arms around Pepper’s back and pulled her in until their bodies were flush against each other. The kiss was searing, and they melted into the embrace. Pepper hummed as Tony deepened the kiss, and she felt his fingers skim the hem of her shirt. She reached up and tugged on the zipper of the fireproof suit, and Tony responded by lifting Pepper up and sitting her on the closest counter. Her fingers worked the zipper with expert precision, and Tony’s upper body was soon free from the confines of the suit. Pepper threaded one hand through Tony’s hair and pulled while the other traced a line down his chest, causing him to groan into her neck. He began kissing a line down her throat and-

“OH MY GOD!”

Pepper and Tony quickly yanked apart, and they found Peter and Harley standing in the lab, looking at the couple in horror. Peter immediately covered his eyes, but Tony could see the fierce blush creeping up his neck and cheeks. Harley held both kittens in his arms, and maneuvered his hands to cover their eyes, as if protecting their innocence.

“Can we help you?” Tony asked nonchalantly, while Pepper covered her mouth to keep her from laughing.

“W-W-We...clo-clothes...forgot…” Peter stuttered out, his hands still over his eyes. He waved his elbows in the air, trying to jab Harley.

“Our school clothes are still down here,” Harley translated. “We came back down to get them, but clearly you’re busy.”

“Clearly,” Tony replied dryly. “Are you just going to stand there or are you going to get your clothes?”

Since Peter was too traumatized to move, Harley gently handed the kittens off to him and collected their clothes from the back corner of the lab. He and Peter made a beeline back towards the elevator, but a mischievous grin took over Harley’s face.

“Hey!” he called back. “Is now a good time to have the sex talk?”

“GET OUT!”

Chapter Text

Peter missed Aunt May.

He knew he was well taken care of, and that May was doing just fine in Texas, but the Tower wasn’t his apartment in Queens. Tony and Pepper were amazing, but tonight, he really wanted his aunt and the comfort of his tiny bunk bed.

He sighed and sat up in his bed, already submitting to the idea that he wasn’t going to sleep tonight. He rubbed his hands over his face as he stared into the darkness. The large floor-to-ceiling windows were currently tinted dark, but he could still make out faint lights from the city.

“Hey FRIDAY?” Peter asked, the loudness of his voice a sharp contrast to the otherwise silent room. He paused, not really sure what he was looking for. “Um, never mind.”

“Are you in distress?” FRIDAY questioned. “Would you like me to wake Boss?”

Peter shook his head quickly. “No! No, don’t do that.”

FRIDAY went silent for a few moments. “Harley is awake.”

“Um...I, uh, didn’t ask about Harley,” Peter replied, slightly confused.

“I know. But I thought the information was relevant.”

Peter didn’t even realize he left his bed until his hand wrapped around the cold handle of his bedroom door, and he crept out into the hallway to Harley’s room. He held his fist up to knock, but then he let out a deep breath and stepped back.

“Stupid,” he muttered to himself. He shook his head and started to turn around, but the door suddenly opened to reveal Harley standing right in front of him.

“Whoa,” Harley said, startled. He took a half step back and blinked a few times. “Peter?”

“Uh, yeah,” Peter replied. “H-Hey.”

Harley gave him a little half wave and yawned. “You okay?”

Peter nodded quickly. “Yeah! Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“You didn’t.”

“Oh.”

They stood in silence for a few moments, neither really sure what to say.

“So, uh,” Harley said, “you couldn’t sleep?”

“Nope,” Peter sighed. “You?”

Harley smirked. “I’m just standing in my doorway in the middle of the night because it’s fun.”

Peter rolled his eyes and bit back a laugh. “Dork.”

“Loser.”

“Wanna go watch infomercials?” Peter asked.

It came out suddenly before he could stop it. Whenever he had mild nightmares or couldn’t sleep, he and Aunt May would curl up on the couch and watch mindless TV. They would always poke fun at the dramatic actors who messed up menial tasks to help infomercials sell their products.

“Yeah, okay,” Harley shrugged. If he found anything weird about the request, he didn’t show it.

And just like that, Peter and Harley had a purpose. They quietly set off for the living room even though they both had perfectly good TVs in their own rooms. Peter dragged a bunch of extra blankets out of a nearby hallway closet while Harley stood in front of the TV.

“FRIDAY, are there any good infomercials on right now?” Harley asked.

“I don’t think infomercials can really be described as good,” FRIDAY replied. If she had a body and face, Harley had no doubt she would be smirking at him.

“Ha,” Harley chuckled. “Fair enough. But there’s something on now, right?”

“Of course. Would you like me to access archived infomercials? Or would you prefer something more relevant?”

Harley glanced at Peter, whose arms were stuffed with blankets. “Something older,” he decided. “I think we could both use a bit of nostalgia tonight.”

“You’ve got it.”

Peter burrowed under his section of blankets while Harley took his place next to him. FRIDAY lowered the lights, and soon, all Peter and Harley could see was the glow of the TV.

“The following is a paid advertisement for Magic Bullet,” the automated voice said.

“Oh my gosh,” Peter chuckled, “Aunt May totally had one of these!”

“Really?” Harley asked.

Peter nodded. “She was on a huge smoothie kick when I was in elementary school. Then she graduated to date loaf and stuff like that.” He wrinkled his nose. “I think I preferred the weird smoothies. DUM-E's are way better believe it or not.”

“Aww man!” Harley exclaimed, pointing to the TV where someone was pouring hot cheese over tortilla chips. “Sixty second nachos!”

“Oooo, nachos,” Peter whispered. “That would be so good.” But he made no move to leave his comfy pile of blankets.

They watched as Mick and Mimi were entertaining their guests. One guy came stumbling into the kitchen and grumbled about it being too loud.

“He’s totally hungover,” Harley said.

“Totally,” Peter agreed. “I’m surprised they could show that in an infomercial.”

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Harley glanced at Peter, who nodded. “You never mention your mom and dad. Are they…” He paused, trying to think of the right way to put it. “Still around?”

Peter smiled sadly and shook his head. “Nah, they died when I was little. My aunt and uncle took me in.” He swallowed thickly and stared at the TV. “My, uh, my uncle died last year.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Harley wasn’t sure what else to say.

“‘S okay,” Peter shrugged. “I, uh...I was there. I couldn’t stop it. Robbery.”

“It’s not your fault,” Harley said quietly.

“You know,” Peter said with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, “everyone keeps telling me that, but it doesn’t make the guilt hurt any less.” He paused for a bit. “It’s weird. I miss my uncle, but I really miss my parents. I know I was young, but sometimes I think people forget that I lost them too.” He smiled sadly and turned back to the TV.

“So now,” Mimi said, pouring blueberry muffin batter into cupcake tins, “everyone gets exactly what they want.”

“My dad left,” Harley blurted out as Mimi put the cupcake trays into the oven, “and I still wonder what I did wrong.”

“Nothing,” Peter said, shaking his head, “if it’s not my fault Uncle Ben died, it’s not your fault your dad left.”

“I miss my sister too,” Harley admitted suddenly. “A lot. Like, I know my aunt loves her, and she’s fine, but I still worry.”

“You know,” a voice said from behind them, “they have cell phones with video chat for a reason.”

Peter and Harley both yelped and practically fell off the couch as Tony walked in front of them.

“Mr. Stark!” Peter exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”

“Besides scaring kids in the middle of the night,” Harley added.

Tony motioned for the teens to move away from each other, and he plopped down on the couch between them. He tugged on the blankets until Harley and Peter each relinquished some of theirs. “So Magic Bullet, huh?” he asked, pulling the soft material over his lap. “Interesting choice of late night television.”

“Nostalgia,” Peter and Harley both replied.

“Ahh,” Tony hummed, as if that made total sense.

“Why are you awake?” Peter asked.

“Can’t sleep. Insomnia’s a real bitch sometimes. Figured since you two knuckleheads were awake, I’d come bother you instead of go down to my lab.”

They watched as Mimi and Mick moved onto desserts, making both a chocolate mousse and fruit sorbet in under ten seconds each. Harley’s eyes drooped first, and his head fell forward a bit before he yanked it back up. He barely noticed Tony wrap an arm around his shoulder and gently pull the teen towards his chest. The thumping of Tony’s heart against Harley’s cheek was a soothing sensation, and he felt himself begin to drift.

“You can call your sister tomorrow,” Tony promised, pressing his nose to Harley’s hair in an almost-kiss. “You never have to ask, okay?”

“Hmm,” Harley replied. He wanted to stay awake, but the blankets were so warm, and Tony began running his fingers through Harley’s hair, effectively turning him to mush.

Peter watched Harley fall asleep out of the corner of his eye, and soon, he felt his own battle with sleep take over.

“Hey, Pete?” Tony whispered quietly. “Wish you’d listen to your aunt and I. Wasn’t your fault, and it never will be.”

Peter shook his head, tears pricking his eyes. “You weren’t there.”

“Unless you were the one holding the gun-”

“But I could have stopped it!” Peter protested a little too loudly. Harley stirred against Tony’s chest, but he didn’t wake up. “I should have stopped it,” Peter whispered.

Tony reached out his other arm, and Peter looked at the gesture for a brief moment before scooting just a bit closer. Tony bit back a smile and pulled Peter up against his shoulder.

“I’m gonna keep saying it until you believe it,” Tony promised.

“You sound like May,” Peter mumbled, relaxing against Tony’s side. He practically purred when he felt a hand playing with his hair.

“She’s pretty smart,” Tony said. “And so am I. Certified genius, actually. So if we’re both telling you something, maybe think about believing it, yeah?”

“Think about it,” Peter conceded, his eyes closing shut. “Feels, nice Mr. Stark.”

“Yeah?” Tony smiled as he gently worked out a knot in Peter’s hair.

“Mmhmm.”

“Go to sleep little spider.” Mimicking what he did for Harley, Tony pressed his face into the top of Peter’s head. “I’ve got you.”

Peter would have protested about being called “little”, but he was too tired to care. Soon, Tony had two sleeping teens against his chest, effectively pinning him to the couch for the foreseeable future. He sighed and wiggled a bit to get comfortable.

“FRIDAY, make sure their alarms for school go off out here,” he whispered.

“Got it, Boss,” FRIDAY replied just as quietly.

Tony closed his eyes as the infomercial wrapped up. He barely registered the credits rolling before he, too, was fast asleep.

Chapter Text

“You nervous?” Peter asked quietly as the video call rang in front of them.

Harley bounced a little on his feet as he shrugged. “No? Maybe? I’m not-” He stopped as the person on the other end answered.

A young girl with sandy hair grinned brightly back at them. “HARLEY!” she yelled excitedly. She was the spitting image of Harley with bright eyes and an infectious grin. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and Peter caught a glimpse of a rainbow unicorn on her t-shirt.

Any tension in Harley’s shoulders melted away as he stared back at his sister. “Hey Lexi,” he replied nonchalantly. But Peter could tell he was insanely happy.

“Who’s he?” Lexi asked, pointing towards Peter.

“I’m Peter. I’m a friend of Harley’s.”

Lexi scrunched her nose at Peter. “No way,” she replied, shaking her head. “Harley doesn’t have friends. He’s too weird.”

“Lexi!” Harley yelped, his ears turning red. “Seriously?!”

Lexi giggled. “Just calling it like I see it.”

“Ugh, you’re the worst!” Harley groaned, rolling his eyes. “Did you get the box Tony sent you?”

Lexi nodded and left the frame. She came back a few seconds later toting a big, brown box. “One of the flying robot things brought it this afternoon!” she exclaimed.

“Drones,” Harley corrected her. “They’re called drones.”

“Whatever,” Lexi shrugged.

“No, it’s not whatever! There is a big difference-” Peter coughed and nudged Harley in the ribs. “Right. Fine. Unpack your stuff and we’ll get started, okay?”

After Tony realized how much Harley missed his sister, he had suggested that Harley use the video monitor in the lab to talk to her. But of course, just talking was boring. So, Tony had sent a drone to Tennessee with a box full of lab supplies so Peter and Harley could do some science experiments with her.

“What is all this anyway?” she asked, gently placing tubes and bottles on the table in front of her.

“That’s part of the surprise!” Peter said excitedly.

“Okay,” Harley instructed, “put your goggles on. Lab safety comes first.”

Lexi grimaced as she held out a pair of bulky, clear goggles. “These are gonna make me look hideous!” she complained.

“So it’s like a normal day for you then,” Harley shot back with a smirk.

Lexi was not amused.

“Yeah, they look weird,” Peter stepped in quickly, “but at least we look ridiculous together.” God, was having siblings this exhausting? He had grown up as an only child, and May and Ben never had kids of their own, so this was completely out of Peter’s element.

Lexi sighed and put on her goggles as Harley and Peter put on their own. Harley made her tighten the straps twice before moving on.

“So, you need to set out the aluminum pan and put the soda bottle in the center,” Peter said, demonstrating with his own supplies first.

Lexi leaned in so she could get a closer look before mimicking the setup on her own table. She grinned and gave a thumbs up, signaling that she was ready for the next step.

“So, the first thing you need to do is pour half a cup of hydrogen peroxide into the soda bottle,” Harley said, holding up the correct bottle. “Tony sent you the right amount, so you don’t even need to measure it.”

Lexi’s tongue poked out the side of her mouth as she carefully poured the liquid inside.

“Nice job!” Peter praised, earning a shy smile from Lexi. Harley had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. Of course his sister liked Peter. Everyone seemed to like Peter. “Now, you get to put food coloring in the bottle,” Peter continued. “Eight drops should work.”

“What color are you doing, Harley?” Lexi asked, choosing blue for her own experiment.

“Hmm...red I think.”

“Of course you’d pick Iron Man’s colors,” Lexi teased. “He’s, like, obsessed, Peter.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Lexi, I swear…”

“Peter, did you know he has an Iron Man stuffed doll on his bed at-”

“LEXI!” Harley practically shouted.

“Okay, okay,” Lexi conceded. “Food coloring, got it.” She put in eight drops of blue and waited expectantly.

Peter had to swallow a few laughs while Harley sent him a glare. “If you even so much as breathe a word about this to Tony…” he threatened.

Peter shook his head and crossed his heart. “No worries, dude. Mr. Stark won’t know about your doll.”

“It’s a plushie,” Harley grumbled. “I won it by chance in one of those claw machine things.”

Lexi snorted. “If you call spending ten dollars to get it ‘by chance’, then sure.”

“Tablespoon of dish soap,” Harley ordered. “In the bottle. Now.”

“Gosh!” Lexi exclaimed. “You’re so bossy!” But she listened to him anyway.

“Cool, next step,” Peter said, hiding a smile. “So see that other cup? You need to mix three tablespoons of warm water and yeast in there.”

Lexi ran off, and Peter and Harley could hear a sink running in the background. When she came back, she tore open the yeast packet and poured it into the cup. “How long?” she asked, using a spoon to mix the water and yeast together.

“Thirty seconds,” Harley replied. He passed a glass stirrer to Peter, who mixed their concoction for the two of them.

“When’re you coming home?” Lexi asked softly as she stirred. The question was so unexpected, and Harley felt like he had been suckerpunched in the gut.

“A...a couple of weeks,” he managed to get out. “When mom comes home.”

Lexi nodded sadly. “I miss you.”

“Miss you too,” Harley replied. He cleared his throat and tried not to let his sister see that he was upset. “Time’s up. Ready for the cool part?” Lexi nodded, a bright smile returning to her face. “Okay, pour the warm water into the soda bottle.”

Lexi took a deep breath and poured it in. Nothing happened at first, and Harley was worried that it didn’t work. Suddenly, the soda bottle was filled with a blue, frothy mass, and it shot out of the top and overflowed into the aluminum pan.

“Oh my god!” she squealed, jumping up and down with excitement. “This is so cool!”

Harley and Peter both cheered as their own Elephant Toothpaste exploded. The red, goopy mess got all over the table, and DUM-E wheeled behind them carrying towels to help clean up.

“Did you like it?” Peter asked.

“I loved it!” Lexi exclaimed. “Can we do another one?”

Harley nodded. “Of course! How do you feel about circuits?”

Peter and Harley spent another hour with Lexi walking her through circuits, balloon race cars, and the best paper airplane before calling it quits. They still had homework to do, and her aunt was going to be home from work soon. Lexi had made Peter and Harley promise to call her again next week during their Spring Break before hanging up.

Nikola and Tesla were waiting eagerly at the top of the steps when Harley and Peter came up from the lab. Nikola climbed up Peter’s pant leg while Tesla practically vaulted up to Harley’s hip. The teens took the kittens and walked over to the kitchen where Tony was already starting dinner.

The kitchen smelled like pancakes, eggs, and cinnamon. Even though FRIDAY made the teens’ school alarms go off in the common room after they all fell asleep the night before, Tony managed to override the snooze function. They didn’t wake up until Pepper came out and dumped water all over their heads about twenty minutes before Harley and Peter needed to leave for school. Breakfast was a mad dash of putting on clean(ish) clothes and grabbing the nearest protein bar. Since it was technically Tony’s fault, he was making it up to them by cooking breakfast for dinner.

“How’d it go?” Tony asked, flipping the eggs over with a spatula. “She like the experiments?”

The kittens wiggled out of their arms to go investigate the food, while Harley nodded enthusiastically and grabbed a steaming pancake off the plate. “Se loffd it,” he replied with his mouth full.

Tony swatted at his head and smirked. “Pepper’s going to have your head if you aren’t hungry for dinner.”

Harley swallowed and stuck out his tongue, some bits of pancake still stuck to the surface. “I’m a teenage boy,” he defended. “I’m always hungry.”

Tony merely rolled his eyes. “So, listen,” he said, changing the subject. “Spring break is next week, and Pepper and I want to take you both somewhere.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Peter said quickly. Harley nodded his agreement.

“We know we don’t have to,” Tony replied. “But we want to. You get a whole week off! You should enjoy it!”

Peter sighed, knowing that once Tony set his mind on something, there was almost no stopping him. “What’d you have in mind?” he asked.

“Well,” Tony said with a huge smile, “I know a guy who knows a guy, who has the hookup to the coolest suite in Atlantis. Called him up this morning, and he said the place was ours if we wanted it.”

Harley’s jaw dropped open. “The BAHAMAS?!” he yelped. “Are you serious?!”

Tony nodded proudly. “Yup! We can take the jet and everything. Beach, sun, and the coolest fish tank setup you’ve ever seen in your life!”

“Okay,” Harley grinned, practically vibrating with excitement, “you don’t have to do this, but, like...THAT’S SO COOL!”

“Well good!” Tony laughed. “Pepper and I are excited too. She hasn’t had a vacation in god knows how long.” He turned around to Peter, who had been unusually silent. “How about you, Underoos? Sound goo-” He stopped in his tracks when he saw Peter’s face.

Peter’s normally bright eyes were wide, yet tense at the same time. His mouth was pushed into a thin line, and he slowly backed away from the kitchen. Tony glanced down and noticed that his hands were balled up in tight fists, his knuckles turning white.

“I...uh...I-,” Peter stuttered softly. He pinched his eyes shut and took a deep breath before opening them again. “Y-Yeah...sounds, uh...s-sounds good.”

Tony handed the spatula to Harley and directed him to the stove to finish the eggs. The other teen was still high from the vacation idea that he didn’t even notice anything was wrong with Peter. “Hey,” Tony said softly, taking a step towards Peter. “What’s going on, kiddo?”

Peter shook his head firmly. “‘N-Nothing!” he said too quickly. “M jus’ not feeling good.” He took a shaky breath before bolting out of the kitchen, nearly taking down Pepper as he rushed back towards his room.

“Whoa there!” Pepper chuckled. “Be careful!” Her smile fell when she saw Tony’s concerned expression. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Not sure,” Tony replied. “Help Harley finish dinner?” Without waiting for an answer, he headed to Peter’s room. The door was already open, but there was no Peter in sight.

“Boss,” FRIDAY said before Tony even had to ask, “I’m afraid Peter has left.”

“Left?!” Tony asked incredulously. “What do you mean left?! It hasn’t even been two minutes!”

“Peter changed into his suit immediately and asked me to unlock the window seal,” FRIDAY explained.

“You let him leave?” Tony asked, trying to keep his voice calm. “Even though today’s not a patrol day?”

“I’m programmed to keep him safe. His elevated heart rate and blood pressure suggested that complying would best help him instead of keeping him trapped in the room.”

Tony took a deep, cleansing breath. “FRIDAY…” he said slowly. “Next time, do not let him leave. You just allowed a fifteen-year old child having a panic attack to take a modified suit into the middle of New York.”

FRIDAY paused for a beat. “I’m sorry, Boss. I’ll update my protocol now.”

Tony sighed. “I know, Fri. Thanks.”

Peter wasn’t really sure how it happened. One minute, he was completely fine standing in Tony and Pepper’s kitchen waiting on dinner. The next thing he knew, his heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest and send him over the edge. He knew he had to escape, and he had to escape fast.

He barely remembered putting on his suit and leaving. He didn’t even feel the rush of wind against his body as he swung all the way across Manhattan and over to Queens. He had enough sense to make sure no one saw him as he took the familiar route back to his apartment and snuck inside his bedroom window. The latch was locked, but he must have broken it open with his super strength because he suddenly found himself curled in his aunt’s bed with a pillow stuffed against his face to muffle the crying. His suit lay discarded on the floor, and he shivered a bit as the cool apartment air tickled the parts of his arms that his t-shirt didn’t cover.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he felt a warmth over him, and he realized that someone had pulled the extra blanket May kept at the foot of her bed over his shoulders.

“Breathe, kiddo,” a gentle voice reminded him. Something pulled the pillow away from his face, and Peter could practically feel the air whooshing back into his frozen lungs. “You have to remember to breathe.”

“M-M-Mis-Mister St-” Peter tried to talk, but he couldn’t.

“Breathe first, then talk,” Tony instructed softly. Now that his body was getting oxygen again, Peter could see Tony sitting on the edge of the bed next to him. He placed a firm hand on Peter’s trembling shoulder, grounding him in place.

Peter inhaled and exhaled rough breaths for a few moments before sitting up. He rocked back and forth involuntarily, the motion soothing him. Without any time to feel embarrassed, Peter leaned his head down against Tony’s hand. His mentor didn’t hesitate to move his fingers into Peter’s hair, and he began playing with the teen’s sweaty locks.

“You’re safe,” Tony whispered. “I’ve got you.”

Peter closed his eyes and leaned further into Tony’s touch until he practically fell off the bed. Thankfully, Tony quickly scooted over in time and rearranged the two of them until Peter was tucked into his chest, and Tony was leaning against the wall behind May’s bed.

It wasn’t until Peter’s breathing had evened out twenty minutes later that Tony dared to talk again. “That was a bad one, kiddo,” he said softly.

“‘S...not...the...worst,” Peter admitted shakily.

Tony tried not to cringe as he pulled the blanket back up and tucked it under Peter’s chin. “What happened?” Peter whimpered a bit, and Tony pulled him tighter against his chest. “It’s okay,” he promised again. “You’re safe, nothing can hurt you.”

Peter shook his head. “Y-Yes it-t c-can.”

“Pete, I swear nothing-”

“The plane.”

Tony stopped. “The plane?” Peter nodded. “What plane?”

“Bahamas.”

Shit. The realization came crashing into Tony. “You're scared to go on the plane? Because of the beach with Toomes?”

Peter shook his head against Tony's chest. "N-Not b-be-because of him..." He paused and took a breath. "My p-parents...they died in a plane cr-crash."

Tony banged his head against the back of the headboard. He knew almost everything about Peter Parker, but he had no idea his parents had died at the hands of a plane. Or if he did, he had buried it somewhere and forgotten about it. "They died in a plane crash?" he asked, his voice soft. 

“Y-Yeah,” Peter replied miserably. “I have-haven’t been on, on one s-since they...since they…” He sniffled, and fresh tears filled his eyes.

“Aw, kiddo,” Tony whispered, wrapping his hand in the blanket and wiping off Peter’s face. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s my fault,” Peter said, taking a deep breath. “I’m weak.” He lowered his voice. “I hate that I’m weak.”

Tony hated hearing Peter sound so defeated. He wished he could wrap Peter up in all of the blankets and shield him from any pain like this again. But he knew he couldn’t, and that hurt him even more.

“You are not weak,” Tony said, his voice firm and unyielding. “You have a very real, very valid fear.”

Peter said nothing for a few minutes. Tony felt him relax against his chest, and the blanket rustled around them as Peter pulled it up to his face and inhaled. Tony got an idea and carefully extricated his wrist above the blanket.

“Call May Parker,” he commanded his watch.

Peter’s eyes widened. “Mr. Stark, no!”

But the call was already connected, and May’s “hello” filled the room.

“Hey May,” Tony said calmly. “Pete and I took a little field trip back to Queens, and we wanted to call and say hi.”

May Parker was no idiot. She knew when something was wrong, and right now, she knew something was wrong with her nephew. “I’m glad you called!” she replied breezily. “I just finished for the day, and I really miss you, sweetheart!”

“Hi,” Peter said weakly.

“Hey, baby. What’s new with you?” Tony knew she was worried about Peter, and he admired how she stayed calm and waited for Peter to open up to her.

“Mr., uh...Mr. Stark said we’re going on...on vacation next week,” Peter finally replied. “For Spring Break.”

“Well that sounds like a nice change of pace,” May replied. “Where’re you going?”

Peter looked up at Tony, and his mentor nodded encouragingly back at him. “The Bahamas,” he practically whispered.

May got it right away. “You need a plane to get to the Bahamas.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh honey,” May replied sympathetically. “You’re at the apartment right now?”

“Uh huh.”

“My room?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you under my blanket? The one you really like?” Tony could also hear the small smile in May’s voice as she talked.

“Mmm hmm,” Peter responded, burrowing himself under it even more.

“Good. So here’s the deal. Right now, Tony’s gonna wrap his arms around you, okay?”

Peter nodded silently, so Tony took his cue and answered for him as he carefully tightened his hold on the teen. “We’re good.”

“Close your eyes.” Peter listened without hesitation. “Right now, I am sending you the biggest, best hug through Tony.” Tony’s arms tightened slightly around his upper body, and Peter took a shaky breath. “I love you so much, Peter,” May continued. “I know how scared you are of planes, and I have no doubt Tony would change the trip for you in a heartbeat. But you are so strong. So strong in so many ways. If you think there’s even a tiny chance that you can handle it, I think you should go.”

“‘M scared,” Peter admitted, his voice reminding Tony of a small child’s.

“I know. Peter, I know,” May promised. “But I went on a plane to get to Texas, and I’m fine. People go on planes all the time. Yes, sometimes horrible things happen. But knowing Tony and Pepper, they’re going to take every possible precaution to keep you safe.”

“Absolutely,” Tony chimed in. “Stark Industry jets are the best, and they have multiple safety protocols.”

“See?” May asked. “Peter, we can’t stop all the bad things from happening, but we can’t let that fear keep us from living our lives. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” Peter replied. His voice was dry, and Tony realized he’d stopped crying. “It does.”

“Don’t make the decision tonight,” May ordered. “But promise me you’ll think about it?”

“I promise.” Peter leaned down towards Tony’s wrist until his nose was practically touching his mentor’s watch. “I miss you. So much.”

“I miss you too,” May replied softly. “Just a few more weeks. Texas sucks without you.”

Peter let out a small laugh, and Tony practically fell back in relief. If Peter could laugh, then he would be okay. Not perfect, far from perfect. But okay.

“I larb you, Aunt May.”

“I larb you too. Text me before bed, okay?”

“I will,” Peter promised. “Bye.”

May hung up, and Tony let the silence hang in the air for a few moments. Peter’s rumbling stomach caused both of them to erupt in a fit of giggles, and Tony was relieved to see some color returning to Peter’s cheeks.

“Ready to head back?” Tony asked. “You can hang onto my suit.”

Peter nodded shyly. “Thanks for this. For everything.”

“Always, kiddo,” Tony smiled. He pushed Peter forward until the teen took the hint to get up and off the bed. Tony folded the blanket into a small square. “Catch!”

Peter easily caught the blanket. He looked down at it and then back up at Tony. “I don’t think your aunt will mind if you borrow it,” Tony said.

Peter’s smile lit up the entire room.

Chapter Text

“Penis Parker!”

It took everything in Harley’s power not to groan out loud as Flash’s voice rang out like nails down a chalkboard through the school halls. He slammed his locker door shut and turned to Peter, whose dark circles under his eyes did little to hide his exhaustion. The day was thankfully halfway over, but Harley wasn’t sure how much longer Peter could last in his current state.

Tony and Peter had wandered back into the Tower well after Pepper and Harley had eaten. She had filled him in about Peter’s panic attack as they cleaned up the dishes, and Harley had been doing his best to give Peter space without making him feel like something was different. The conversation they had about Peter’s parents during their infomercial session played over and over in Harley’s head, and he couldn’t imagine how Peter must have felt about the idea of getting on a plane.

But that was all secondary right now because Flash was being an absolute dick, as per usual.

Peter ignored Flash as he grabbed some books out of his locker for his last few classes, but Flash spun him around and slammed him against the metal doors. Harley took a quick step forward but was blocked by one of Flash’s cronies.

Flash let go of Peter’s shirt and gave him a once over. “You look like shit, today, Parker,” he commented with a nasty grin.

“What do you want, Flash?” Peter asked tiredly.

“Rumor has it Tony Stark is going to be chaperoning the field trip tomorrow,” Flash replied, his eyebrows raising in disbelief. “You’re seriously going through a lot of trouble to make everyone believe you’ve got some internship with him, huh? Is your home life with aunty so bad that you need to make up a lie to deal with it?”

“He does have an internship!” Harley spat. “And it sounds like someone’s a bit jealous.”

Peter’s eyes widened as Flash’s attention turned to Harley. Good, let the idiot focus on someone else for once.

“What did you say to me?” Flash seethed, shoving his sidekick out of the way so he could point a finger in Harley’s face.

Harley gave Flash a condescending grin. “You heard me. You’re just jealous because Peter is so much better than you.”

“Harley…” Peter warned.

Flash let out a small laugh and nodded a few times. Then, he shoved Harley against the lockers so hard that Harley grunted. “Say it again,” Flash threatened, his knuckles turning white against Harley’s shirt.

But Harley wasn’t backing down. “You’re just jealous,” he said with a bright smile and a dangerous glint in his eyes, “that you’re always going to be an alternate to Peter Parker.”

The anger on Flash’s face was burning and instant. Harley watched in slow motion as Flash pulled his fist back, and he prepared for it to come in contact with his face. He’d been punched before, so he’d learned how to take a few hits over the years.

But the hit never came.

Instead, Flash let out a blood-curdling scream as his fist slammed directly into the hard, metal of the locker door where Harley’s face had once been. Harley watched it all unfold from the floor, and he looked at his shoulder to find Peter’s hand gripping his t-shirt tightly. The fabric was ripped at the seam, and Peter’s fingers were shaking.

“Did you just…?” Harley whispered, the adrenaline catching up and causing his heart to practically pound out of his chest.

Peter pressed his lips together and gave him a solid nod. He had used his super strength to pull Harley away before Flash could turn him into a punching bag.

“MY HAND!” Flash bellowed. He groaned and screamed some more as he pulled his hand to his chest. Flash’s fist was bright red and already starting to swell. His tear-filled eyes narrowed at Peter and Harley, who were still in a stunned pile on the floor. “YOU’RE DEAD!” Flash threatened.

“PARKER! THOMPSON! KEENER!” a voice shouted dangerously from down the hall.

“Oh shit,” Harley muttered as Principal Morita thundered his way to them.

“They broke my hand!” Flash wailed. “They broke my hand!”

One of Flash’s friends nodded as Mr. Morita’s gaze locked onto Peter and Harley. “It’s true, sir! It’s all their fault!”

“That’s bullshit!” Harley yelled. “They were messing with us!”

Morita pointed a shaky hand towards the other end of the hall. “My office,” he said, his voice seething.

“Now.”

Tony was going to kill him.

That was the only thing running through Harley’s mind as he and Peter sat in the ridiculously uncomfortable chairs in the front office. Flash was waiting in the nurse’s office until his parents got to the school, and he was no doubt telling the nurse the same lie he had been harping about ever since Morita had dragged the three of them out of the hallway.

“I told you what would happen if you stepped out of line,” Morita had said to Harley before disappearing into his office to call Tony and the Thompsons.

Harley hadn’t been able to take a steady breath since.

His leg jiggled and bounced against the tile floor, and he had to focus to keep his hands from clenching into fists and digging his fingernails into his palms. He couldn’t get kicked out of school because then Tony would have no reason to let him stay, and he had nowhere else to go, and-

“Harley.” Harley flinched as Peter touched his shoulder. “Dude, you have to breath.”

Harley tried to take in air, but it sounded more like a wheeze. “Try...ing.” He let out a soft whimper and put his head in his hands. He finally was able to inhale, and the black spots that had started creeping into his vision slowly dissolved.

“Tony’s going to kill me,” Harley whispered, not daring to look at Peter. “I’m going to get kicked out of school, and Tony’s going to make me leave.”

Peter shook his head firmly. “No he won’t,” he promised. “This wasn’t your fault.” He banged his head against the wall. “It’s mine. You wouldn’t even be in this mess if it wasn’t for me.”

“Why, Peter?” Harley asked. “I’ve been listening to Flash call you names and be a huge dick for the past week and a half, and I don’t get it.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “You have powers. You pulled me away! Why do you let him do this to you?”

Peter shook his head and gave him a wry smile. “Because I can heal a lot better than most people,” he replied. “Better me than someone else, right?”

Harley stared at Peter in disbelief. “I’ll buy the physical stuff. But some of the shit he says? You don’t deserve that.” Peter looked away from him, and Harley gaped at him. “Oh my god, you think you deserve it.”

Before Peter could answer, the door opened and in walked Tony Stark himself. The secretary’s jaw dropped as he strode up to his desk, completely missing Harley and Peter frozen in their chairs.

Tony got straight to the point. “I got a call about my kids getting into a fight,” he said.

The secretary nodded wordlessly, got up, and went inside Morita’s office. Tony sighed loudly and turned around, finally spotting the teens.

“Jesus Christ,” he whispered, taking in their pale and terrified expressions. “Are you two okay?”

Harley shoulders shook as he tried to stay calm, but Peter came to his rescue.

“It wasn’t Harley’s fault!” Peter exclaimed desperately. “Flash was messing with me, so Harley stood up to him, and then I stopped Flash from punching him! He hit his hand on the locker, I swear, Mr. Stark! You can’t let them kick Harley out for something he didn’t do!”

Tony held up his hands. “Easy, kid, I believe you. No one’s going anywhere.” Harley’s head shot up at Tony’s words, and the man felt his heart clench. He knelt down in front of Harley. “You’re not going anywhere. Are we clear?”

Harley’s chin trembled as he nodded. He sniffed and swiped at his eyes as tears threatened to fall. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Morita’s office door opened just as Flash’s parents walked inside with their son. The Thompsons glared down at Peter and Harley while Flash stared at Tony in disbelief. He looked between Peter, Harley, and Tony, his face paling.

“Oh goody,” Tony said with mock cheer as he stood up. He shook Morita’s hand and then sneered at Flash and his parents. “Glad we can get this all straightened out.”

“I’m sorry,” Mrs. Thompson said, “but why are you here?”

“Tony Stark,” Tony replied. “Peter and Harley’s adult representation here. Not that it’s any of your business.”

Mr. Thompson scoffed. “Clearly, you need to watch who you associate with, Mr. Stark. These boys broke my son’s hand.” He gripped Flash’s shoulder confidently, but Flash looked like he wanted to disappear into the floor.

Tony stepped right up to Mr. Thompson’s face. “Oh really?” he asked. “Then care to explain why my kid was the one being tormented by your son first?”

“Excuse me?” Mrs. Thompson cried. “And just what are you insinuating?”

Morita tried to regain some semblance of control of the conversation, but Tony steamrolled on. “I’m just insinuating that your son’s a bully,” Tony replied calmly.

“How dare you-”

Tony ignored her and turned to Flash. “You’re a science kid, right? You know how force works?” He nodded to Flash’s bandaged hand. “Let’s review, shall we? An injury like that doesn’t just happen. A lot of force needed to be behind that punch in order to cause that kind of damage. Unfortunately for you, Harley and Peter pulled one over on your sorry ass because instead of directing that force in their faces, you got a fistful of locker instead. Am I wrong so far?”

Morita stepped in between Mr. Thompson and Tony before any more violence could happen. “Okay,” he said quickly. “Let’s all calm down.”

“Oh I’m perfectly calm,” Tony said nonchalantly as he smiled. “Aren’t you calm?”

“Principal Morita!” a voice yelled.

Everyone’s heads turned as Ned barreled into the front office while MJ followed him calmly from behind. Ned was panting and clutched a pink, glittery phone in his hand. He wordlessly handed it to Tony as he tried to catch his breath.

“Cindy...Mecker...fight...camera…” Ned wheezed.

“Cindy Mecker got the fight on video,” MJ translated. Ned nodded and gave Tony a thumbs up as he collapsed into Peter’s lap.

Tony grinned as he held the phone tauntingly up to Flash. “Today just really isn’t your day, is it, kid?”

Flash swallowed nervously as Morita took the phone and tapped the screen to play the video. They could all hear Flash slamming Harley against the locker and then Flash’s cry a few seconds later. Unfortunately, the video hadn’t caught the crap Flash had said to Peter to start it all, but it was damning enough. Morita looked like he had just swallowed some bad cough syrup, and Flash’s parents were staring down at their son with murderous gazes.

“Well,” Morita coughed awkwardly. “This clearly changes things. Thank you, Mr. Leeds for this..enlightening evidence.” He cleared his throat again. “Mr. and Mrs. Thompson, why don’t we step inside my office to discuss Flash’s actions.” He glanced over at Peter, Harley, MJ, and Ned. “You four can go back to class.”

“Yeah, no,” Tony said. “I’m taking them home.”

“What?!” the four teens exclaimed.

Tony shrugged. “You’ve got, like, what, two hours left at this point? We’re leaving.”

“Mr. Stark,” Morita sighed, rubbing his temples. “You cannot take Mr. Leeds and Ms. Jones. You’re not their guardian.”

Tony looked to Ned and MJ. “Text your parents for permission. Have them call the front office.” He smiled sweetly back at Morita as the teens quickly followed his orders. “I assume that will suffice?”

Morita opened his mouth to argue, but thought better of it. He looked to his secretary. “Don’t let them leave until their parents call.” He shot a disapproving look at Tony before waving the Thompsons into his office and shutting the door.

“C’mon,” Tony said as the phone began to ring. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

“I cannot believe you took four teenagers out of school!” Pepper shouted from the ceiling of the car. “Two of whom don’t even belong to you!”

“Well, if you wanna get technical,” Happy said as he clicked on the turn signal to merge, “Body Snatcher and Squirt aren’t his kids either.”

“Happy,” Pepper said. “Not. Now.”

Tony winced as Peter, Harley, MJ, and Ned tried not to laugh. “Pepper-”

“No! Don’t, ‘Pepper’ me! There was no reason, Tony. None!”

“They got in a fight!” Tony protested. “They’re traumatized! You should see them right now.”

Happy glanced back in the rearview mirror to find said teenagers happily sucking on the straws of the extra large milkshakes Tony had made him stop for after signing them out of the front office. Yup, they were traumatized all right.

“Okay, I’ll give you that it was a shitty experience,” Pepper conceded. “But you didn’t need to stop to buy a freaking minivan, Tony!”

When Tony had spontaneously adopted two new teenagers for the afternoon, he realized the Audi he and Happy and taken to the school was much too small. So, after quickly using FRIDAY to access the nearest car dealer’s database, he had smushed the teens in the backseat and ordered Happy to drive. Less than twenty minutes later, they rolled off the lot in a luxury minivan and left the Audi behind to get picked up later.

“Well what was I supposed to do, Pep, make them walk?” Tony asked incredulously. “And this is not a minivan, by the way. It’s a larger, luxury vehicle.”

And it was true. The van was sleek, yet spacious, and the interior was 100% leather. Black, of course. The captain’s chairs had plenty of legroom in front of them, and the back row was just as roomy. Harley kept staring at the massive sunroof that covered the length of the entire car while Peter fiddled with the air conditioner vents on the ceiling. Ned had tried to mess with the DVD players attached to the back of Tony and Happy’s seats, but they had nixed that idea almost immediately.

“It’s a minivan,” Happy mouthed to the teens in the rearview, earning a cluster of giggles from the backseat. Tony glared at his friend and stole a sip from his milkshake as an act of defiance.

Peter and Harley could practically see Pepper cradling her head in her hands, trying not to lose her everloving shit on Tony.

“Tony,” Pepper said with a chilly calmness, “I know that you know they were perfectly fine. I also know that you knew about the meeting with the energy investor this afternoon which just so happened to coincide with this good dead of yours.”

Tony grinned guiltily. “Now, honey-”

“Nuh uh, Stark,” Pepper shot back, cutting him off. “That’s not going to work.”

MJ leaned over to the others from the back seat. “Dude, Pepper is so badass,” she whispered.

Ned nodded in awe as Pepper and Tony continued to negotiate the terms of Tony’s stay in the proverbial doghouse.

Harley reached across the aisle and tapped Peter’s arm with his milkshake cup. “Hey,” he said softly. “Thanks for having my back.” He glanced up towards Tony who was still begging for mercy. “I don’t know what would have happened if I had gotten kicked out.”

“You wouldn’t have,” Peter replied confidently. “And besides, you had my back too, so I should really be thanking you.”

“And just so we’re clear,” Harley added, “you don’t deserve any of it. Don’t go believing a word that moron says.”

Peter gave Harley a small smile and stared down at his straw. “Yeah, well…”

“No,” Harley replied firmly. “I’m serious.”

“He’s got a point,” MJ said, leaning forward in her seat. She pressed her cold milkshake cup against Peter’s neck, causing him to yelp. “You’re pretty cool for a dork,” she chuckled as Peter swatted at her.

“We lurrrvvv you Peter!” Ned exclaimed dramatically.

Peter, Harley, MJ, and Ned erupted into a fit of giggles to the point where their stomachs hurt. Pepper stopped berating Tony when she heard them, and she sighed. 

"Just bring the kids home in one piece, okay?" she asked. Tony could hear the smile in her voice, and he grinned at the rearview mirror.

"Always, Pep," he promised.

"Always."

Chapter Text

Tony Stark had been stranded in the desert and gotten heart surgery without the use of pain medicine. He’d battled aliens and shot nukes through wormholes. He’d even become an expert at dealing with sleazy politicians and corporate investors (when Pepper managed to keep him in one place long enough to attend meetings). Tony Stark had been through a lot in his life, but nothing could prepare him for what he was about to face.

A high school field trip.

Now, Tony was no stranger to field trips. Stark Industries and the Avengers Tower were a hotbed of activity for elementary, middle, and high schools alike. He was used to eager interns leading groups of students through the approved halls, and Pepper always shared the field trip reports with him at the end of the month.

But, Tony did all of this from the comfort of his office. Or his lab. Or the living quarters of the Tower. He rarely ever interacted with the students.

Until today.

Midtown’s entire 10th grade class (minus Flash and his two friends, who’d been suspended for fighting) was embarking on a journey to the Museum of Mathematics for the entire day. Since it was the Friday before Spring Break, student energy was at an all-time high, and the teacher in charge looked like she could use a stiff drink as she handed Tony a packet and name tag. Peter quickly grabbed them from her, knowing that Tony was most likely going to leave them behind if the materials were actually handed to him.

“Do I actually have to wear this?” Tony asked, rolling his eyes at the tag. “I’m pretty sure people know who I am.”

MJ smirked as she playfully bumped into his shoulder. “Oh! I’m sorry!” She looked him up and down and held out her hand. “I’m MJ, I don’t think we’ve met before. Are you a parent?”

Ned, Peter, and Harley busted out laughing while Tony just sucked in his cheeks. He dramatically yanked the name tag off its sticker and slapped it over his heart.

“Actually, Tony,” Harley snickered, “I think it’d look better…” He peeled it off and managed to stick it on Tony’s forehead before the man could swat him away.

“Keep it up,” Tony threatened, but his words held no real malice. He glanced around and watched as people gaped at him. The other parents were all in a cluster around the front of the entrance, and he had to admit, he felt a little out of place. “So what subway are we taking?” he asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Peter wrinkled his nose. “Subway? We’re taking a bus.”

“A bus?” Tony gaped at him. “We can get there on the subway! What do you mean we’re taking a bus?”

Harley shrugged. “Haven’t you ever been on a field trip? Buses are kind of a thing.”

“We’re seriously taking a bus?” Tony whined. The teens nodded. “No pictures. I mean it. Last thing I need are Happy and Rhodey giving me shit about taking a damn bus to a high school field trip.” He turned around to check out the windows for the bright yellow monstrosities, and the teens silently communicated that they were going to take as many pictures as possible of Tony on said school bus.

Tony turned back around and grinned. “So which monsters am I in charge of?”

“Huh?” Harley asked, wrinkling his nose.

“You know, who’s in my group?”

“Well,” Ned said, taking the packet from Peter and flipping it open to scan the chaperone instructions, “you don’t really have groups. We have to all go through the museum and do a scavenger hunt, so you just need to keep an eye on things.” Tony blinked at him, a blank expression on his face. “We’re your group,” Ned finally sighed.

“Awesome!” Tony exclaimed, rubbing his hands together.  

“Attention!” Mr. Harrigan called loudly. “The buses are outside! Parents, please check your name tags for your bus number. Students, divide yourselves equally. This is a STEM school, I’m sure you can manage that.”

Harley poked the small “2” on Tony’s nametag. “So, we should go on bus 1, right?” he asked his friends with a mischievous grin.

“You are not leaving me!” Tony demanded, wrapping a secure arm around Peter and Harley’s shoulders. This just caused more stares from the other students because there were very few people who actually believed Peter had an internship with Tony Stark, and they were currently being proven quite wrong. Not only was it clear that Peter did know Tony, but their relationship was obviously close.

Tony managed to survive the bus trip to the museum, and Ned caught a few candids on his cell phone that were immediately shared with Rhodey and Happy.

The National Museum of Mathematics was a two-story building that was crammed with different exhibits. Midtown had reserved the entire space for the afternoon, so they were free to roam around and complete the digital scavenger hunt.

Tony glanced at the laminated map he had grabbed off the wall. “Okay,” he said, scanning the different exhibits, “what do you want to do firs-” He stopped when he realized he was talking to absolutely no one.

Peter and Harley had made a mad dash right to the center of the museum where there was a round track with two bikes on top. The track had large, round outcroppings across the entire surface, but the bikes had square wheels. Tony watched in amusement as the teens eagerly peddled their way around the track, the square wheels not even putting up any resistance.

“Huh,” Tony observed, “the upside down catenary curve of the track lets the wheel roll at its natural equilibrium.”

“Nerd,” MJ scoffed from beside him. She snapped a picture of Peter and Harley on her phone for their scavenger hunt. The boys were trying to race each other, even though their bikes were going opposite ways on the track.

MJ leaned against the bar framing the track and gave Peter a playful swat as he passed her. “Give other people a chance!” she yelled at him. Peter stuck his tongue out at her, but got off the bike anyway. He and Harley jogged over to Tony, who was still holding the map.

“So?” Tony asked. “Where to next?”

The group of five spent hours going through each and every museum exhibit. Peter tested his running skills in front of a dynamic wall that made him move forwards and backwards based on complicated mathematical functions. MJ showed off her artistic talents at the Polypaint wall. Each time she moved her brush, symmetry groups appeared on the screen. Harley and Ned had way too much fun trying to get a robotic arm to shoot basketballs into the hoops using different angles and trajectories.

Tony, meanwhile, was just along for the ride. He knew that Peter and Harley were smart. Like, insanely smart. He had worked with them in the lab enough and talked with them enough to know that they were going places. But watching them interact with the exhibits and their friends just made him that much prouder. He saw other parents crowd around the boys in awe as they enthusiastically explained the large String Product sculpture in the middle of the floor and how a straight line across a parabolic line connects at the product of the X values.

He held back a laugh downstairs as they played with the robot swarm. All thirty robots were coded independently, but Peter and Harley managed to get them all to move as a group in a predictable pattern. A museum staff member nodded impressively at the teens, and Tony heard her tell her colleague that it had been a while since someone had managed to get it done so quickly.

Yeah, to say Tony was proud was an understatement.

And yet, the two smartest kids he knew managed to continue to be two of the biggest dorks. Peter managed to get himself stuck in a chair shaped like a hyperboloid, and Harley giggled like a child as Peter tried to get himself up without tipping over. Peter had the last laugh though after Harley found the Human Tree exhibit. He spent almost ten minutes in front of the screen waving his arms around and watching his body get divided into fractal patterns. Peter changed the background of the screen to flowers, and Harley suddenly had a bunch of colorful blooms sticking out all over his body.

Tony made sure to let the four teens stop by the gift shop before getting herded back onto the bus. He splurged a bit on the overpriced puzzles and math games, but when he listened to Peter and Harley eagerly talk about putting together the gradient color puzzle later that night, he knew it was worth it.

Tony yawned as he plopped down into the bus seat. His job had been remarkably easy for the day, but he was still exhausted. He didn’t even protest when both Harley and Peter sat down on either side of him, their seat taken by two students who had decided to switch buses on the way back. MJ and Ned turned around and leaned over their seat to be able to talk to them better.

“So,” MJ said, holding up her box of tangram brain teasers, “do you wanna come over next week and do some of these?”

“Yeah!” Ned added enthusiastically. “We can have another movie night since we won’t have school!”

Tony felt Peter stiffen against his side. They hadn’t talked about his meltdown or the offer to go away for vacation, and Tony wasn’t 100% sure what he had told his friends. He was about to encourage Peter to take them up on the offer when the teen surprised him.

“Actually,” Peter said, taking a deep breath, “we’re going away next week. To the Bahamas.” He looked to Tony shyly, who was staring at the teen with a silent “ are you sure” look. Peter nodded, his expression nervous but determined at the same time.

“What?!” Ned exclaimed. “The Bahamas?!”

“Atlantis, actually,” Harley chimed in, a huge grin splitting his face. He couldn’t believe Peter had decided to go, and he clapped his friend’s shoulder encouragingly.

MJ, meanwhile, seemed to gaze right into Peter’s soul. “You’re going to get on a plane?” she asked softly. "After everything that's happened?"

“Yeah,” Peter shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. “It'll be fine." He looked at MJ as if waiting for approval.

“Well, duh,” she replied, rolling her eyes. “Glad you’re ready.”

“Yeah,” Peter nodded, a little more confidently. “I think I am.”

“Atlantis,” Ned said dreamily. “If you see Aquaman, tell him his movie didn’t completely suck.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Oh my god, you four are such nerds.”

Harley grinned. “Yeah, but we’re your nerds, so we’re automatically the best, right?”

Tony reached up and ruffled both of their heads, completely messing up their hair. They yelped in protest, but they still let him do it anyway. “Of course,” Tony said fondly, giving their heads one last swipe.

“You’re the best.”

Pepper’s phone chimed, drawing her attention away from the seemingly never-ending pile of paperwork on her desk. She felt her neck crack as she rolled it for a much-needed break, and she grabbed the phone off her desk. When she swiped the screen, a text from Peter popped up.

She opened the message, and her breath caught in the back of her throat. A picture of Peter, Tony, and Harley all sleeping on a school bus stared back at her. Peter and Harley were both leaning against Tony’s shoulders, and her fiancé’s head was dangling forward, his chin touching his chest.

Pepper quickly saved the photo to her phone, and typed a quick “thank you” to whoever had stolen Peter’s phone and taken the precious picture. Then she put it down and got back to work. She grabbed the next contract and tried to focus, but after reading the same paragraph five times and not remembering a single thing, she put the papers down and picked her phone back up.

She stared at the picture for almost three whole minutes before finally making it her lock screen.

Chapter Text

Peter perched on top of an old church and looked out at the city. The air was calm, and he took a deep breath. Tony had tried to convince him not to go out on patrol that night since they were leaving early tomorrow for the Bahamas, but Peter insisted.

After the success of the field trip, Tony had let Peter go out early the day before, thinking the teen would come back early. But Peter just made curfew after eight hours on patrol. And now he was out again.

It’s not like he was avoiding the Tower or anyone inside of it. His bags were packed, and he had even let Pepper drag him out with Harley to get appropriate clothes for the tropics. Peter was excited about the vacation, but his nerves about getting on the plane were starting to eat away at him.

So, Peter did what he did best. He avoided the situation and kept busy with other stuff. His current patrol was a success. He’d stopped a few carjackings, and he even thwarted a jewelry store robbery. The rest of the night involved webbing up burglars and petty thieves trying to pickpocket innocent tourists.

“Peter,” Karen reminded him gently, “your curfew is coming up in about an hour. You should start heading back in soon.”

“Roger that, Karen,” Peter sighed. But he made no move to get up.

His ears perked up when something shuffled on the roof behind him. He froze and prepared to attack when…

“Dude, you are such a gargoyle right now,” Harley panted as he clung nervously to the overhang.

Peter gasped and was immediately thankful for his super powers because he would have fallen right off in shock. “Harley?!” he exclaimed. “What the hell?!”

Harley’s eyes widened as he accidentally looked down. “Y-You sh-shouldn’t say hel-hell in church,” he stuttered, trying to maintain his confidence.

Peter rolled his eyes and looked over the side of the building. He spotted a window right below them, and he quickly shot a web anchor to the roof. Harley eagerly grabbed his outstretched arm and the two swung down. Peter opened the window easily, and the two landed softly inside a few moments later.

“How did you even get up there?” Peter asked incredulously, taking his mask off.

Harley held up a finger as he tried to catch his breath. “Fire escape on the other side,” he finally panted. “Then there was an access ladder.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“And you’re gonna miss curfew.”

Peter let out an indignant huff. “I was leaving soon.” He paused and eyed his friend warily. “Hang, on, did Tony send you to spy on me?”

Harley shook his head. “He was so wired about the trip that Pepper snuck some Benadryl into one of DUM-E’s smoothies. He was snoring in front of the TV when I left.”

“And you found me, how?”

“FRIDAY.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes until they both seemed to remember that they had just broken into a church. They both heard an organ practicing scales coming from downstairs.

“Eleven o’clock service,” Harley whispered in Peter’s ear as he tried to flatten himself against the wall in an attempt to hide. “Some churches do it.”

Peter let out a small groan and glanced down at his suit. “Someone’s gonna see me!” He glared at Harley for causing this wrinkle in his night, but Harley merely shrugged him off.

“Well if you had come back early like Tony asked you to-” he started.

“Don’t,” Peter said, holding up a hand. “Just don’t.” He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. He could feel his heartbeat picking up, and he tried desperately to avoid panicking. 

“Is this about the plane?” Harley asked.

Peter’s heart thumped a bit harder. “Harley…” he warned.

“Cause if this is about the plane, we don’t have to go-”

“Harley, stop,” Peter almost whined, his breath getting caught in his throat.

“I get it, dude. I mean, I don’t fully get it, but you’re my friend and-”

Peter finally unfroze and covered his hand over Harley’s mouth. “I need you to stop talking about the plane...right now…” he ordered, his breath coming out erratically. Harley nodded, and Peter took his hand away. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he quietly slid down the wall.

“Do you go to church?” Peter whispered softly, trying to distract himself. Harley shook his head as he sat down next to Peter. “Then how’d you know some churches do late-night services?”

“I live in the Bible Belt!” Harley whispered back.

“But you don’t go to church?” Peter asked incredulously.

“Not everyone that lives in the Bible Belt goes to church, Peter.”

“Dude.”

“Don’t ‘dude’ me! Do you go to church?”

“No. Aunt May isn’t religious, and neither was Uncle Ben.”

They both sat in silence for a few minutes, and Harley lightly banged his head against the wall. “Can I call someone to pick us up?” he finally asked.

“I thought you said Mr. Stark was sleeping,” Peter replied, already feeling better.

Harley nodded. “But Pepper isn’t.”

“You wanna call Ms. Potts?!” Peter gaped at Harley. “Seriously?!”

“I don’t know about you,” Harley said, “but it’s late, you’re kinda freaking out, and I’d have to walk back anyway.”

“I mean, I could swing with you,” Peter offered. Harley’s frightened expression quickly nixed that idea, and he knew they were out of options. “Fine, call Ms. Potts. But we’re going out the way we came.”

Harley rolled his eyes and put the phone up to his ear. “Whatever...Hey Pepper...Yeah, I found him...Uh huh, we’re fine, but...do you mind?” Harley glanced around the hallway. “We’re in a church but I don’t know...you can do that? Well, yeah, but Tony’s normally the tech guy…” Harley yanked the phone away from his ear as Pepper yelled something at him. “Okay, okay, I get it! We’ll wait outside.” He tapped his screen to end the call and quickly pocketed his phone. “She’ll be here in fifteen minutes.”

Peter smirked at him. “Someone just got owned.”

“Zip it.”

Peter just shook his head and stood up. He headed over to the window where they had unceremoniously broken in and shot a web at the ledge. “You ready?” he asked, slipping his mask back on.

Harley gulped and peeked over the edge of the window. Before he could come back inside, Peter wrapped an arm around his waist and hopped right out the building.

“Oh my god!” Harley yelled, shutting his eyes and wrapping his arms around Peter so tight he almost choked his friend. Harley’s stomach dropped down to his shoes as Peter easily traveled down the side of the church.

As soon as they hit the ground, Peter detached his webs, but Harley still clung to him. “Dude, we’re down,” Peter said with a small laugh.

Harley unwrapped himself from Peter and dry heaved as his dinner threatened to come up. “You...did that...on purpose…” he gagged.

Peter directed him towards the bushes. “You’re being really dramatic right now,” he said, rubbing gentle circles on Harley’s back anyway.

“Yeah Spider-Man!” someone shouted from across the street. Peter and Harley looked over to find a group of guys heading into a bar. “Helping the little guy! You go dude!” They disappeared through the door of the building, leaving Peter and Harley rolling with laughter on the sidewalk.

Suddenly, a familiar minivan pulled up beside them. The passenger-side window rolled down and Pepper waved at them from the driver seat.

“Hey there,” she greeted, pressing a button on the ceiling. The back door slid open, and Peter and Harley hopped inside.

“I thought you said fifteen minutes,” Harley said, buckling his seat belt.

Pepper shrugged. “Traffic was light.” She grabbed a bag off the passenger seat and tossed it at Peter. “Put these on over your suit,” she said.

“Why?” Peter asked, pulling out a sweatshirt and sweatpants. “Aren’t we going back to the Tower?”

Pepper shook her head. “We’re making a little pit stop first.”

About ten minutes later, Pepper parked in a garage right off Times Square and led the teens through the hustle and bustle of the tourist trap. Harley kept spinning around trying to catch a glimpse at every billboard and colorful shop. He couldn’t resist snapping a selfie with the New Year’s Eve ball in the background, and even Peter joined in.

Pepper herded Peter and Harley into a crowded Dave and Buster’s arcade. The inside of the arcade/restaurant was overwhelming. People were crammed everywhere, and the smell of food made Peter’s mouth water. He and Harley had to practically shove people aside to keep up with Pepper, who headed right back for the arcade.

“Wait here,” she ordered, leaving the teens behind.

Harley wasn’t sure what to focus on first. He glanced around at the massive collection of games, some old and some new. “Dude, this place is epic!” he exclaimed over the noise.

Peter nodded and zeroed in on Super Shot and Skee-Ball. They had always been Uncle Ben’s favorite games whenever he had taken Peter to any arcade when he was little. A wave of nostalgia hit him, but it didn’t make him sad this time. Instead, he clung to the happy memory and contemplated spending his own money just to relive the experience.

Pepper came back a few moments later and handed each of them a Power Card. “There’s $20 on both of them,” she said. “Your mission is to collect as many tickets as possible by the time your money runs out. Ticket games only. Don't waste your credits on other stuff.” She held up her own card and grinned. “And you’re playing against me. You up for the challenge?”

Peter and Harley nodded enthusiastically. “Yes!” they shouted. Then they both bolted towards the Skee-Ball machines.

Peter hadn’t played Skee-Ball since his uncle had died, so he didn’t realize that his super powers would come in handy. His throws were much more accurate, and he managed to score three 100-pointers in a row. Harley was just as good, and they soon had a massive pile of tickets growing between them.

Pepper, meanwhile, was playing an arcade version of Angry Birds. She expertly knocked out the pigs and made it to the bonus round, earning her a huge ticket pile as well. When she was finished, she motioned towards the Super Shot basketball game, and Harley and Peter were up for the challenge.

Peter’s accuracy in Skee-Ball did not transfer over to Super Shot because the basket kept moving back and forth. Peter’s perfectly aimed shots would bounce off the rim and slam into the metal cage. Pepper did better, but Harley was the real winner. He sank shot after shot, and grinned widely as the tickets kept pouring out of the machine. Pepper tried to get him to mess up by playfully poking his side, revealing a quite ticklish Harley. The next five minutes had Peter and Pepper ganging up on Harley trying to throw him off his game.

They launched coins at a Star Trek game, destroyed enemies in Galaga, and spun the Big Bass Wheel for easy tickets. Peter managed to score 5,000 tickets alone on a really lucky hit with the Wheel, and their ticket pile was quite impressive. By the time they were done, it was after midnight, and Peter and Harley were starting to yawn.

Pepper helped them scoop up their tickets and take them over to the Winner’s Circle, which was basically a mini toy store. Shelves lined the entire area, and they were packed with some of the coolest prizes Peter and Harley had ever seen at an arcade. While they gaped at the wide selection of toys, Pepper took the tickets to an attendant to figure out how much they all earned.

“Okay, so together we’ve got about 18,000 tickets,” Pepper said, nodding impressively at the teens.

“So 6,000 each?” Peter asked.

Pepper shook her head and smiled. “You two split them. If I see anything I like, I’ll let you know.”

“Are you sure?” Harley asked, his voice incredulous. “You’re giving up 6,000 tickets!”

“Positive.” She shooed them away. “Go! We still need to get up early.”

Peter and Harley didn’t need to be told twice. Despite having a huge amount of tickets, there really weren’t a lot of big prizes that they could get. Harley gravitated towards the plushie wall and contemplated getting the Iron Man one since he had left his back in Tennessee, but it was a bit out of his ticket range. Peter, meanwhile, spent almost all of his tickets on a tiny Spider-Man plushie (because his lack of Spider-Man merchandise was appalling) and Pokemon trainer hat. He had about 500 tickets leftover, and he knew exactly what to do with them.

“Just get it,” Peter smiled, walking over to Harley. “You know you want it.”

Harley reached out tentatively and took the Iron Man plushie. “I don’t have enough though,” he said, holding it close to his chest.

Peter shrugged. “I’ve got the rest. I only really wanted to helicopter.”

“You sure?”

“Totally,” Peter nodded. He patted Harley’s shoulder and they went to check out.

Peter wore his hat proudly out of the arcade and sat his plushie on his shoulder while Harley continued to carry the large Iron Man carefully in his arms. Pepper walked in between them, making them giggle as she purposely bumped into their shoulders on the way back to the car.

They made it back to the garage, but before Peter and Harley could open their doors, Pepper wrapped them up in a big group hug.

“Uhh, Pepper?” Harley asked, his voice muffled against her shoulder. “Everything okay?”

Pepper squeezed tight. “Yeah, sweetheart. I’m just really happy you two are here. And safe.”

“Thanks for coming to get us,” Peter said.

“And for the arcade,” Harley added.

Pepper pulled back and kissed their foreheads. “Always. Besides, Tony isn’t the only one who gets to spoil you.” She checked the time on her phone and held back a yawn. “You ready to go? We can still get a few hours of sleep before we have to leave.”

Harley gave her a thumbs up, and Peter nodded confidently. He could do this.

“Yeah,” Peter said.

“I’m ready.”

Chapter Text

“There’s...hydrogen and helium, then lithium, berylliu-ah!” Peter gasped and gripped the seatrest tightly as the Stark jet bounced off some turbulence. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, trying to calm his pounding heart. Even with Aunt May’s blanket laying securely on his lap, he was still terrified that something was going to happen to the plane.

Getting Peter in the plane hadn’t been as difficult a task as Tony was expecting. The kid had gone to Germany with him at one point, after all. Anxiety is a sneaky thing though, and Tony had a feeling Peter was hiding the effect his experience with Toomes had on his willingness to fly. That, coupled with his parents’ deaths meant while Peter could get on the plane, the panic had set in once they had taken off. Of course, only Peter would use the periodic table song to combat his fear.

“Boron, Carbon everywhere,” Harley continued encouragingly. “Nitrogen all through the air.”

Peter opened one eye and gave Harley a small smile. “With oxygen so you can breathe,” he whisper sang, “and Fluorine for your pretty teeth. Neon to light up the signs, sodium for salty times.”

The plane gave another small jolt, and Peter whimpered. Before Harley could continue the song for him, Tony cut in.

“Magnesium!” Tony shouted dramatically, causing Peter’s eyes to shoot open in shock and Harley’s jaw to drop. “Aluminum, Silicon. Phosphorus then Sulfur, Chlorine and Argon.” The teens giggled as Tony waved his arms dramatically and dropped his voice into an opera-like tone with the can-can beat.

“Potassium!” Harley shouted with a laugh.

“And calcium so you’ll grow strong,” Peter sang, his grip on the seat rest loosening.

“Scandium!” Tony continued. “Titanium, Vanadium and Chromium and Manganese.”

Harley and Peter both leaned forward in their seats while Tony did the same. The three practically shouted the chorus.

“This is...the Period Table! Noble gas is stable, Halogens and Alkali react aggressivelyyyy. Each period will see new outer shells while electrons are added moving to the right!”

They continued onto the next verse while Pepper stared at them in disbelief from her own seat. She laughed as they got more and more into the song, and Tony finally jumped out of his seat and began dancing around the plane. Pepper never thought she’d ever see the day where Tony Stark would willingly dance around like a fool just to make a teenager smile, but here they were. Peter and Harley were absolutely eating it up, and they joined in with him. Peter left his security blanket on the seat, and for the first time since boarding the jet, he looked as happy as a kid about to go on vacation.

“And! Then! We’re! DONE!” Tony grabbed both boys around the shoulders and pulled them close as he shouted extra loudly in their ears. They both groaned and laughed at the same time as they all collapsed in a giggling heap on the floor in front of Pepper’s feet.

Peter didn’t even flinch when the next bit of turbulence hit.

The first thing Peter and Harley noticed about the Bahamas was the sun. And the heat. And the proximity to the ocean. They spent most of the twenty minute car ride with their faces smushed up against the windows trying to catch glimpses of it as they headed to the resort. The second Pepper drove over the bridge that connected Atlantis to the mainland, no one was pulling them away.

The ocean glittered under the late afternoon sun, and the teens had never seen any water so clear and so blue .

But that was nothing compared to the actual resort itself. The Cove stood like a palace in the middle of the island, surrounded by sand and water on all sides. They drove on a path lined with palm trees, and when Harley rolled down his window, the smell of salt filled the car, and he could hear laughter and cheers from families already at the resort.

“This is…” Peter whispered, trying to take it all in “...this is…”

“Insane?” Harley asked. “Epic? Amazing?”

Peter nodded. “All three. Definitely all three.” Even being out of the country was like entirely new territory for him. Aunt May and Uncle Ben had never really been able to take vacations, and Peter couldn’t remember doing anything with his parents either.

Harley had been on vacations, but nowhere as nice as this. When they pulled up to the entrance of the Cove, an actual valet drove the car away to be parked. Harley stared in awe at the lobby ahead of him. At first glance, Harley thought it was missing its walls, but when he looked up he realized the tops of the walls could be pulled down to enclose the space.

Tony checked them in while Peter and Harley continued to gape around them.

Peter gulped nervously. “If this is what the lobby looks like…” He trailed off, but Harley picked up the implication.

“Then what the heck is our room going to look like?” he finished.

“Yeah,” Peter replied. “This...this might be too much.”

Harley gave him a brief nod. “Maybe we should see what the room looks like before we freak out,” he suggested. “It might just be a regular hotel room, you know?”

Tony Stark was many things, but “regular” most certainly was not one of them.

“So,” Tony said once the elevator stopped at the 22nd floor, “we were originally going to stay in one of the presidential suites near the top-”

Peter and Harley’s faces both went pale because presidential meant fancy and fancy meant a lot of money. Pepper saw their expressions and she quickly stepped in.

“But,” she said, “we figured you two would enjoy this better.”

Tony only got turned around once in the long hallway as he tried to find the right room. Once he spotted 2210, he held the keycard up to the door. It beeped, and he held the door open for Peter and Harley. Once they stepped inside, their jaws dropped.

“Oh…” Peter whispered.

“My…” Harley added.

“God!” they both yelled together.

The first thing they saw was the huge floor-to-ceiling window on the other side of the room. It had a sliding glass door that led directly outside onto a balcony. A couch, table, and huge flat screen TV finished off the small living area. To their right, doors opened up into a bathroom with gleaming marble floors. Harley poked his head inside and gasped.

“Dude! There’s a bathtub AND a shower in here!”

Peter pushed past him to get a closer look, and he marveled at just how fancy everything looked. Stacks of towels were rolled neatly underneath the sink, and the bright lights seemed to make everything sparkle.

Pepper jumped out of the way as they ran back into the room to get a closer look at everything else. Two queen beds were pushed up against the wall, and a wooden dresser/desk combo sat across from them.

“Now, I know there’s only two beds,” Tony began, “but down in the living room area, the couch pulls out and Pepper and I can take that-”

“I CALL THE COUCH!” Peter and Harley both shouted, making a mad dash towards the living room. They both jumped down off the small ledge and tried pushing each other out of the way to get to the additional bed.

Pepper smirked at Tony. “And you thought the smaller room would be a problem.”

Tony shrugged. “There’s nothing wrong with staying in a presidential suite.”

“No,” Pepper agreed. “But they don’t need to stay in an apartment-sized hotel room.”

“But it had a kitchen! And a butler!”

Pepper lightly bumped Tony’s shoulder. “You’ve been reading the same books that I have. It’s not about how much money you spend…”

“It’s about the time you spend with them,” Tony recited from memory. “I know.”

“Oh my gosh!” Harley yelled. “You can see everything from out here!” He and Peter had opened up the balcony doors and were practically hanging off the railing to get a better view of their surroundings.

“Oh geez,” Tony muttered, his heart flying up to his throat. The last thing he needed was one of them falling over the side. He and Pepper followed after them. Even though Tony had been to a bunch of different places all over the world, there was something really beautiful about the Bahamas.

Being in the Deluxe Ocean Suite meant that it came with an ocean view, and it did not disappoint. They could see two huge pools and a lazy river running through the resort. Beyond the treeline, there was a vast expanse of pure, white sand as far as the eye could see. The crystal clear ocean ebbed and flowed, and they could hear the movement from their balcony. Three more hotel towers stood regally in the distance, and Peter saw the infamous water slide off to his right.

“What do you think?” Tony asked, coming up behind them.

“This is amazing!” Harley exclaimed with a giggle.

“Thank you both so much,” Peter gushed. “Seriously, this is awesome.”

Pepper smiled and held her arms out. “So?” she asked.

“What do you want to do first?”

Harley couldn’t sleep. He listened to the gentle sounds of Tony and Pepper breathing from the bed next to him. He and Peter had finally agreed to split their time on the couch bed, and tonight was his night on the real bed.

The day had been phenomenal. They spent it under a private cabana and went swimming in one of the large pools. Tony promised they would go to the water park section tomorrow, but since they had traveled most of the day, he and Pepper wanted to stay a little bit closer to the ground.

Harley and Peter agreed. Of course they did. They were staying at one the fanciest resorts in a really nice room (even if it wasn’t a presidential suite, it was still nicer than anything Harley had experienced before), and they even had a private cabana. They swam all afternoon, and Tony had to practically bribe them to come out for dinner.

Which had also been phenomenal. They had eaten on the outside deck at Cafe Martinique overlooking the marina. Fancy yachts and speed boats lined the docks, and the sunset was brilliant over the water. They had all crashed as soon as they got back to the room, the excitement of the day finally wearing them out.

But now that he was finally quieted down with his own thoughts, Harley felt something nagging in the back of his head. He tried to push it down, tried to hold back his insecurities, but in the nearly silent night, they came rushing back at full force.

He wasn’t worth it.

He wasn’t worth the fancy vacation and the obviously expensive dinner. He was a nobody from a small town in Tennessee. This was not how he lived, and he felt so completely out of place.

Harley bit his lip and shoved his fists into his eyes, trying to push the tears back that threatened to spill over.

It was all too much.

He carefully pulled back the covers and grabbed his key card and cell phone from the end table next to his bed. He practically held his breath as he tiptoed across the room towards the door. The floor creaked behind him, and he whirled around to find Peter, fully awake, standing at the ledge of the living room.

Peter put a finger to his lips and pointed towards the door. Harley nodded, and they both resumed their sneaking out. Peter silently opened the door and gently pulled it shut. He pressed his ear against the wood and waited a few seconds.

“We’re good,” he whispered. “They’re still asleep.”

They both headed to the elevators, and Harley pushed the “down” button. Once the doors opened, they walked inside and watched the doors close.

“Where are we going?” Peter asked, his voice still low.

Harley shrugged and checked his phone. “Is anything open at 10 o’clock at night?”

Peter hummed thoughtfully before tapping one of the buttons on the elevator panel. “There’s the movie theater,” he said.

“Does it cost money?” Harley asked warily.

Peter shook his head. “It’s the one thing here that’s free.”

“Speaking of money,” Harley said, clearing his throat. “Do you, um…is this all...” He sighed in frustration as he tried to figure out what to say.

Peter gave him a small smile. “I couldn’t sleep, so I figured out how much our room costs. And then I did some math about taking a private jet. So, yeah, this is all…” He waved his hands around aimlessly before banging his head gently against the wall.

“Do I even want to know?” Harley asked. Peter’s side glance told him no, he most certainly did not want to know.

The elevator door dinged as it opened, and the teens headed out towards the rotunda. Despite the late hour, the area was buzzing with activity. A small crowd of people was gathered in front of the movie theater, waiting for the show to start.

“What’s playing?” Peter asked, trying to crane his neck to see the sign.

Harley pushed through the crowd and caught a glimpse of the next movie. He walked back to Peter, his nose scrunched up. “It’s Fifty Shades Darker,” he said.

“Ugh,” Peter replied, pretending to gag. “Do you want to stay?”

“I mean...we don’t really have anything else to do…”

They both turned to walk into the movie theater, but they stopped at the door.

“Do you wanna just hang out in the lobby?” Harley asked quickly.

“God, yes!” Peter exclaimed.

They hightailed it away from the theater and didn’t stop until they were back in the lobby. The walls had been pulled down, and the couches now rested against them. Peter and Harley claimed one and stretched out.

“You remember when we were in the office?” Peter asked after a few moments. “And you asked me if I thought I deserved what Flash did?”

“Yeah,” Harley replied.

“I do sometimes,” Peter admitted. “Especially when stuff like this happens.” He fanned his arm out in front of him to point out the lobby. He swallowed thickly. “Sometimes I wonder when Mr. Stark is going to realize he’s helping a messed up kid.”

Harley let out a puff of air. “I definitely don’t deserve all this,” he said. “At least you’re Spider-Man, you know? I’m just a kid from Tennessee.”

“Who helped Iron Man,” Peter argued back.

“Yeah but...I just didn’t grow up like this, you know?”

“Yeah,” Peter said softly, “I know. Trust me, I know.”

They sat in silence for a while, trying to sort through their thoughts. They didn’t even notice Pepper walking up to them until she was right in front of them.

“Hey,” she said, worry evident in her voice. “There you are.”

Peter and Harley both made a move to jump up, but she merely held up a hand and sat in between them. “I woke up to go to the bathroom and you were gone.” Pepper looked at both of them. “Next time you decide to leave a room in a foreign country, maybe write a note?”

“Sorry,” they both mumbled.

Pepper smiled at both of them before leaning back against the couch. “It’s really nice down here. I probably would have come down if I couldn’t sleep either.” The teens glanced at each other before following Pepper’s lead and relaxing back as well.

“So what’s going on?” Pepper asked after a few moments. Peter shrugged and Harley looked away from her gaze. “Uh uh,” she ordered. “Don’t pull a Tony and shut down on me. No judgements, I promise.”

Harley cleared his throat. “This...this whole trip is amazing. But, uh…” He looked to Peter for help with the words.

“But...it’s a lot,” Peter said nervously. “It’s all so...nice and…”

“Expensive. I don’t deserve it,” Harley added.

“Me neither,” Peter finished.

Pepper didn’t say anything for a few seconds, and she tapped her fingers against her thighs as she thought about her response. “I get it,” she finally said. “When Tony first told me about this trip, I thought it was a lot too. But you wanna know where you’re wrong?” The teens both glanced at her. “Tony wanted to take you on this trip because you both deserve a break. You are both so, so smart, and you work so hard.” She let out a small laugh. “Would most people take their kids to the Bahamas? Maybe not. But Tony isn’t most people.”

“It’s just so much money, Ms. Potts,” Peter said. “We’re not worth-”

“If you finish that sentence, you’re grounded,” Pepper said, cutting him off.

She sat up and moved off the couch so she was kneeling in front of them. “I want you both to listen to me very carefully. You are worth it, and you always will be. It doesn’t matter how old you get, or what you wind up doing with your lives. You mean the world to both of us. You would not be here if that wasn’t the case. Are we clear?”

Both Peter and Harley’s eyes were misty as they nodded.

“Good,” Pepper said. She got back up and resumed her position on the couch, wrapping an arm around both boys. “And as for the money...Tony can go overboard sometimes. But he’s a billionaire. This kind of trip doesn’t even put a dent in his budget. Just like we grew up being frugal and having less, Tony grew up completely opposite of that.”

“You grew up like us?” Harley asked. “Really?”

Pepper nodded. “Tony’s willingness to spend so much money on me took a lot of getting used to. He’s actually calmed down if you can believe it.”

“What?” Peter asked, looking up at her. “Are you serious?!”

“Yeah,” she chuckled. “Super serious.”

“So, um,” Harley said after a few moments, “you really don’t mind spending the money on this trip?”

“Oh my gosh, Tony was so excited when you agreed to go!” Pepper exclaimed, squeezing them tight. “I think this is kind of a way for him to spend time with you in a way his dad never did.”

“What do you mean?” Peter asked.

Pepper chose her words carefully. “Howard was...a brilliant man...but not the most attentive father. And I think Tony worries sometimes that he’ll turn out like Howard. So when he planned this trip, he thought about what he would have liked to do with his dad. But you didn’t hear that from me, got it?”

“Got it,” they both replied.

“Good.” Pepper yawned. “I think it might be time to head back up, huh?” She ruffled their hair before standing up and holding out her hands for them to grab. Before they could let go, she pulled them into a hug and squeezed them tight.

“Your job this week,” she whispered, “is to have fun and just be kids. Let Tony spoil you a little, okay? If any of it is truly too much, just let me know.” She pulled back. “Deal?”

“Deal,” Peter replied firmly.

“Deal,” Harley echoed.

They all headed back to the elevator and up to their floor.

“I do have one request,” Pepper said to Peter as they stepped onto the carpet in the hall. “You are such a polite kid, but I think we’re on a first-name basis now, right?”

“Oh, uh-” Peter blushed fiercely. “I, uh...it’s just…”

“And I bet it would mean a lot to Tony,” Pepper suggested gently. “And me.” She gave Peter a comforting grin, and he returned it with a small smile of his own. “Think about it,” she encouraged. 

They paused outside of the door, and Harley swiped his key over the handle. Pepper quietly opened the door and they all tiptoed inside the dark room. Tony was sleeping obliviously on the bed, his chest rising and falling with each breath he took.

Peter crawled under the covers on the couch and Harley did the same in his own bed. As soon as Harley’s head hit the pillow, Pepper was right there, pulling the blanket up and tucking it under his chin. Part of him felt like a little kid, but the bigger part of him felt all warm and fuzzy from the gesture. She gently brushed his hair back and placed a small kiss to his forehead. Then, she stood up and did the exact same thing to Peter. Harley couldn’t see him from the bed, but he knew they were both wearing big smiles.

“Night boys,” Pepper whispered before getting back in her own bed with Tony.

“Night,” Peter and Harley whispered together as they both drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

“Absolutely not,” Tony said, peering over the edge as the raft with him and Peter crept along the conveyor belt. “You three have fun. I’m going back down at the top.”

“C’mon, Tony!” Harley exclaimed. “This isn’t even the big one!”

Tony’s eyes bugged out as he tried to turn around and face Harley and Pepper’s raft. “Big one?! There’s a bigger one?!”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Duh! It’s the one that drops you sixty feet at almost a straight vertical!”

Tony shook his head wildly, and he could feel the families behind him smirking. “Okay, okay, okay,” he panted. “If I go on this one, I get a pass on the big one. Deal?”

“But we have to do this three times,” Peter negotiated. “That way we can each ride with the two of you once and then we’ll ride with each other the last time.”

“Seriously?” Tony groaned. “Three times?”

Harley and Peter gave him their best puppy dog eyes, but thankfully, Pepper stepped in. “I’ll go on the big one with you after we ride this one three times,” she promised. “Tony can sit back at the cabana.”

“Cabana ooh nana,” Harley sang, with Peter quickly joining in. “Half of my heart’s at the cabana-”

“God,” Tony whined, letting his head flop back, “why did we agree to bring these two with us?”

“Because we’re awesome,” Peter replied. “Duh.” He craned his neck a bit more. “Hey! We’re almost at the top!”

Tony glared at the teen, who wisely went back to shouting over his head to Harley. It wasn’t that Tony was afraid of heights...it was just that normally when he was up super high he was always protected in his suit. But now, as he crept closer to the top of the 120 foot tower, he could feel his nerves trying to crawl out of his skin.

“This slide is super cool!” Harley exclaimed. “When you get to the bottom, you go through the shark tunnel! We’ll be underwater!” He and Peter started listing the various sharks and fish they hoped to see as they finally made their ascent to the top.

“You and Tony go first,” Harley directed, moving Peter in front of him. “That way if anything happens, we know to stay up here.” Tony’s face drained of all color, and Pepper gently whacked Harley on the head. “Kidding!” Harley yelped. “I’m totally kidding! These are super safe.”

The attendant motioned for Peter and Tony to step up with their raft. They placed it on the rolling belt, and Tony felt the warm water from the slide splash against his ankles. The tunnel was covered and completely black on the inside, which did very little to calm him down. He took a deep breath and steeled himself. It was just a slide. He could do this.

Peter sensed Tony’s nervous energy and tapped him on the arm. “Hey, uh, Mr...I mean, uh, Tony?” he asked nervously. “I can sit in the front. Just in case, you know?” He tapped his wrist cuffs which cleverly disguised his webshooters. He hadn’t wanted to bring his whole suit on vacation, but Tony suspected having the shooters was almost like a security blanket. “I’ll protect us,” he promised.

Tony nearly keeled over at Peter calling him by his first name. While Peter settled himself in the raft, Tony grinned widely at Pepper.

“Finally,” Harley muttered, earning another whack. “What? It’s about time!”

Thankfully, the rushing water and excitement of the impending trip kept Peter from hearing anything, so he was oblivious as Tony climbed in behind him.

“All clear!” the attendant shouted. He pushed the raft down the slide, and Peter and Tony went flying.

They were engulfed in darkness and Tony felt the water seep into the raft and onto his drying bathing suit. He gripped the handles tight as they plummeted down.

“AHHH!” they both screamed, their stomachs dropping at the sensation. The water rushed around them as they zoomed through the dark tunnel. They went up and down, then curved sharply before going down a small hill again.

Suddenly, the bright sun flashed in their eyes as they entered the part of the slide where the top was cut off. Tony watched the sky fly by as the raft curved around a particularly steep corner. It shot them out of the slide, and the raft slowed down as it meandered through the shark tank. They were surrounded on all sides by the tube-like tank, and Tony was glad there was a thick layer of glass between him and the ginormous carnivores. Peter had somehow managed to get completely soaked, and he shook his head as he stared up at the creatures. He tried to follow the path of one shark that was swimming underneath them, and Tony quickly grabbed his shoulder to keep him in the raft.

“That was amazing!” Tony heard someone yell behind him. He glanced back and saw Harley and Pepper’s raft a few yards back. Peter nearly toppled the raft as he tried to turn around and wave.

“What did you think?” he asked Tony excitedly. “Did you like it?” His eyes were bright and shiny, and his grin practically split his entire face in two.

Tony smiled back and messed up Peter’s wet hair. “It wasn’t too bad,” he admitted.

They rode that slide two more times, and Tony took a well-deserved break at the cabana. He was getting way too old to be launching out of slippery tubes, and as much as he loved adventure, he loved relaxing in the sun even more.

Peter, Pepper, and Harley made the trek to the colossal Mayan Tower that boasted The Leap of Faith. The climb wasn’t too bad, but they were definitely a lot higher than they expected, especially for a raft-free slide. Peter was used to scaling tall buildings and flying through the air as Spider-Man. But there was something very different about plummeting down sixty feet without his suit.

“You should go first,” Harley said nervously to Peter as he read over the safety signs.

Peter shook his head and pretended to be gallant. “Nah, I went first with Mr. St-uh, Tony, on the other slide. You can go first.”

Pepper pushed past both of them and took her place at the top of the slide. “How about I go first, and I’ll see you at the bottom?” She winked at them before crossing her ankles and holding her arms across her chest. As soon as the attendant gave the signal, she was off. Peter and Harley quickly ran to the wall and looked over the edge. In mere seconds, they spotted Pepper at the bottom of the slide waving up at them.

“So badass,” they both whispered in awe.

“You can both go at the same time,” the attendant suggested. “There’s two open slides now.”

Peter and Harley looked at each other, then to the slides, then back to each other. They nodded briefly and took deep breaths before taking their spots at the top of the slide.

“See you at the bottom?” Harley asked, swallowing thickly.

Peter gave him a tiny salute and gripped his hands tightly across his chest. “See ya there.”

The attendant began to count down. “Three...two...one...go!”

Harley leaned back and scooted forward just enough to fall off the edge. His stomach dropped and the wind whipped over his face as he flew down the slide. His brain couldn’t process enough to scream, and he gripped his shoulders even more. The world flew by in an instant, and he couldn’t even make out the sharks this time as he slid through another shark tunnel and out the other side.

Water engulfed him, and he spluttered as he tried to stand up on shaky legs. He heard a splash a few feet away and turned to find Peter tumbling through the water. His swim trunks were hiked up, and he stumbled more than he swam.

“H-h-holy sh-shit,” Harley stuttered. He stomped his way through the water and helped Peter up. They both looked up towards the top of the slide as they backed out of the pool.

Pepper was waiting for them on the concrete, and she bit back at smile at the boys’ terrified expressions. “What did you think?” she asked. “You want to do it again?”

The color drained from both their faces, and they immediately shook their heads.

“You know,” Harley said, “I bet Tony’s getting lonely all by himself.”

Peter nodded his head vigorously. “Totally!” he agreed. “We should spend time with him. The slide’ll be here tomorrow.”

“Uh huh,” Pepper replied with a smirk as she started walking back to the cabana. “Well that’s very noble of you.”

“You know us!” Harley said brightly. “Totally noble.”

When they got back to the cabana, Tony was resting peacefully under the shade on one of the recliners. He lifted his sunglasses and smiled as Peter and Harley used some of the towels to dry off.

“So how was it?” Tony asked.

“Meh,” Peter replied, playing off just how terrified he had been.

“Could’ve been taller,” Harley said with a shrug.

Pepper’s jaw dropped open, and she stared at the two liars incredulously. Tony caught on immediately, and a devilish grin appeared on his face.

“You know,” he said coyly, “I’m feeling a little more adventurous now. You up for another go?”

Harley and Peter suddenly lost all of their confidence. “NO!” they exclaimed emphatically.

“No?” Tony asked, raising his brows.

Peter gulped. “It’s just, uh...we wanna spend time with you!”

“Down here,” Harley clarified quickly. “On the ground. Or in the pool.” To prove his point, he flopped down on the lounge chair next to Tony, and Peter sat on the other side. The teens quickly relaxed into the plush cushions, trapping Tony on the chair with them.

“You know,” Tony said quietly, “the pool is that way.” He reached up and wove his fingers through their hair, earning happy little purrs from them. He smiled as they melted into the seats.

“Jus’ five minutes,” Harley mumbled.

Peter was already asleep, his energy drained from all of the excitement earlier.

Pepper carefully moved her own lounge chair so it was pressed up against Tony’s. She perched some sunglasses on her face and pulled a book out of her beach bag. Tony couldn’t exactly move, so he got comfortable again and put his own sunglasses back in place.

“Five minutes,” Tony yawned.

He was asleep before minute two.

“Now this is more my speed,” Tony sighed, letting his hands fall in the water. He floated in his inner tube down the lazy river, his leg hooked over Pepper’s. She was in a similar state of bliss as they let the river carry them downstream.

After a nice afternoon nap and delicious lunch, Tony, Pepper, Peter, and Harley decided to spend the rest of the day in the lazy rivers. The first one was painfully slow, and it took them almost an hour to get to the end. Tony was looking for relaxation, but he also wanted to actually move. Atlantis’s second lazy river went a little bit faster, and it was lined with more trees, providing the optimal amount of shade.

That bliss was short-lived, however, when Hurricanes Peter and Harley decided to come barreling through.

“Goonies never say die!” Peter yelled kicking off the bottom of the river and blowing right past Pepper and Tony. His splashing created waves that promptly soaked both of them, and before they could shake off the water, another wave crashed over them.

“Hey you guuuuyyysss!” Harley shouted at Pepper and Tony as he chased after Peter.

Tony groaned and shook the droplets out of his hair. Three could play that game. “I’m gonna hit you so hard when we get out, your clothes are gonna be out of style!” he exclaimed at the teens. They promptly ignored him and continued down the river, getting farther and farther away.

An older woman glared at him as she floated by, clearing disapproving of Tony’s violence. “It’s from a movie,” he said snarkily. She merely gave him a huff and pushed herself away from his float.

Pepper, meanwhile, was absolutely busting with laughter. “Nice job, honey,” she said between breaths. “You really showed her.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony grumbled. He pretended to shove her inner tube away, and she shrieked and grabbed for his hand. He let her float away a bit before pulling her even closer. Their tubes bumped against each other, and Tony used the momentum to lean forward and kiss Pepper.

“I love you,” she said, cupping her hands around Tony’s face. It was awkward with the bulkiness of the tubes, and neither one of them wanted to fall completely in the water, but it was perfect.

“I love you too,” he replied fondly, stealing another kiss.

But he got the odd feeling that someone was watching them, and when he turned his head around, he came found Harley and Peter’s faces mere inches from his own.

“Jesus Christ!” he yelped, rocking in his tube. He tipped over just enough that the tube flew out from under him as it got caught in the current.

Peter and Harley each grabbed one of the handles on Pepper’s tube and whisked her away while Tony fumbled in the water.

“See ya later, old man!” Harley called back gleefully.

Tony managed to grab hold of his tube and hoist himself through the center circle. He leaned over the front and kicked off the bottom of the river, using the speed of the current to catch up to them.

“Oh shit!” he heard Peter exclaim as he quickly caught up.

Before the teens could make their escape, Tony grabbed a handle on each of their tubes and pulled. Pepper got caught in the crosshairs, and the four of them went spinning around and around.

“Who’s the old man now?” Tony taunted, dunking Harley’s head under water. He flipped Peter’s tube over with Pepper’s help, and the teens were soon a spluttering, wet mess.

While Peter was actively trying to aim some of the water spray at Tony, his head suddenly perked up. “Did you hear that?” he asked, looking at the sky.

“Hear what?” Harley asked.

Peter clung to his inner tube and sank down until his chin was resting on the rubber. “I think it’s going to rain.”

Tony looked up at the partly cloudy sky. “Kiddo, I think you might be off-”

A lazy roll of thunder boomed from the distance, and the partial cloud cover suddenly seemed a bit more ominous. The sun never disappeared, but the clouds darkened a bit and brought a slight chill in the humid air.

“Maybe we should…” Pepper trailed off as the first drops of rain hit the water. They created little ripples until the sky decided to open up.

Vacationers shrieked and yelled at the unexpected storm, and people in the river tried to get out as quickly as possible. Tony and Pepper easily kept up with Peter and Harley’s pace as they rounded the last few curves and tossed their tubes at the end of the river. They all made  a mad dash to the cabana to get all of their stuff, and then they bolted back towards the room.

The rain was coming down heavily now, a true tropical mini-storm in the making. Even though the four of them were already wet, they still rushed back inside with the other crowds of people.

Pepper wrapped towels around Harley and Peter as they stepped inside the elevator. The air conditioning in the hotel caused everyone to shiver, even with the extra fabric. When Tony opened the hotel room door, Peter and Harley raced inside for some dry clothes. They took over the bathroom while Tony and Pepper quickly got changed by their bed.

Once the teens reappeared, they headed right for the balcony. “Check this out!” Peter exclaimed, waving Tony and Pepper over.

The beaches and pools looked eerily abandoned in the rain. Harley stuck his hand out over the balcony and giggled as the spray hit his skin. Peter watched the ocean in fascination as the waves it ebbed and flowed towards the shoreline. The sky was significantly darker now, and any plans of heading back outside were officially shelved.

It was peaceful on the balcony, and Tony wasn’t sure how long they all stood there overlooking the resort. He felt Pepper’s fingers lace through his own, and he gently squeezed.

“You want to order room service and watch movies?” Tony asked softly, afraid to ruin the moment.

Peter and Harley shared a glance with each other before turning around. “Actually,” Peter said, “can we eat out here for a little?”

“It’s really cool watching the rain,” Harley added.

Tony smiled fondly at the teens and prayed that they would never change. “Absolutely,” he replied, with Pepper nodding beside him.

“We can do whatever you want.”

Chapter Text

“But where are we going?” Harley asked for at least the 12th time since stepping out of the breakfast buffet.

“And like I said before,” Tony replied with a smirk, “you’ll find out once we get there!”

“Is it the beach?” Peter asked as they walked up to the elevator.

“No,” Pepper said, shaking her head.

“More water slides?”

Tony shuddered. “Hell no!”

“Then what?” Peter and Harley asked together.

“Keep trying to spoil the surprise,” Tony threatened, “and you won’t get to video call Nikola and Tesla.”

Peter gasped dramatically as the elevator dinged, and the doors slid open. “You wouldn’t dare!”

Tony crossed his arms and backed inside, never breaking eye contact with the teens. “Watch me. I’ll even call Happy myself and steal all of the screen time.”

Harley glared at the betrayal. “You’re a monster.”

“And you both look like puppies when you’re angry,” Tony shot back. “Keep it up, it’s kind of adorable.”

Pepper chuckled as Peter and Harley grumbled under their breath. She couldn’t wait for them to find out what they were actually going to be doing today.

Tony pressed the button on the elevator for the basement, and the elevator began its descent. When the doors opened again, two woman with a bright, cheery smile greeted them. One of the women had her hair pulled up neatly in a bun, and the other had braids that went down past her shoulders.

“Good morning!” the one with the bun exclaimed. “You must be Harley and Peter!”

“Umm...yes?” Peter said warily. He took an unconscious step back until he was pressed up against Tony’s chest.

“My name is Nadia, and I’ll be your first trainer for the day! And this is Laurie, she’ll be taking pictures for you!”

“Trainer for what?” Harley asked, glancing between them, Tony, and Pepper. “And pictures?”

Nadia looked to Tony and Pepper. “Do they know…?”

“It’s a complete surprise,” Pepper grinned. “Feel free to tell them.”

Nadia clapped her hands and rubbed them together excitedly. “My pleasure! You’re in for a real treat today, friends! Your parents booked you for the Ultimate Trainer experience! You get an in-depth behind-the-scenes look at our animal hospital, training grounds, and you’ll even get to interact with some marine wildlife!”

Before Tony or Pepper could correct Nadia about her use of the word “parents,” they found themselves being tackled by the two teenagers.

“This is amazing!” Peter practically shouted over Pepper’s shoulder as he gave her a hug. “Thank you so much!”

“Seriously epic!” Harley echoed, hugging Tony tight. “Thank you!”

“You’re so welcome!” Pepper replied. Peter and Harley switched and gave hugs again before turning their attention back to Nadia, who was waiting patiently.

“Are you ready to go?” she asked, a knowing smile on her face.

“YES!”

Nadia made Peter and Harley change into wetsuits and grab snorkeling gear before shuttling them all into a golf cart and heading to the quarantine area. Peter and Harley were starstruck by the rows and rows of glass aquariums housing sea creatures that they had never seen before. They asked a million questions about animal rehabilitation, keeping Nadia on her toes the entire time.

Peter and Harley were even more ecstatic when they learned they would actually be able to hold the animals. Nadia carefully took a sea cucumber out of its tank and placed it in Harley’s open hands before getting a horseshoe crab for Peter.

“Oh my god, it’s moving!” Peter practically squealed. “Tony! Pepper! It’s moving!”

Harley pulled the sea cucumber up to his face. “This is so cool! Hey, little guy!”

Laurie did her job as photographer beautifully. Tony lost count of how many times he heard the shutter go off. Before heading to the next part of the tour, Nadia also let them hold starfish and huge conch shells before showing them a tank full of baby swordfish.

“So, we’re going to be feeding the sharks soon,” Nadia said as they hopped back into the golf cart. “But first we have to prepare the food. You want to help?”

Peter’s jaw dropped. “We get to feed sharks?!”

“What kind of food do they eat?” Harley asked at the same time.

Nadia laughed at their enthusiasm. “Well, let’s find out!” She drove down the wide basement hall and stopped outside an industrial kitchen. She held the door open so Laurie, Peter, Harley, Tony, and Pepper could walk inside.

The smell of raw fish hit Peter like a tidal wave, and he clutched his hand over his nose. He had been more sensitive to smells ever since the spider bite, but he had never been exposed to something this intense before.

But thank god for Tony Stark. Before Peter could bolt, Tony discreetly pulled the teen aside and placed two small objects in his hand. They looked like the tips of little plastic straws.

“Put one in each nostril,” Tony instructed quietly. “It should help with the smell.”

Peter quirked his brow a bit but listened anyway. He carefully put one inside his left nostril and the other inside the right. They felt weird, but when he inhaled, all he could smell was-

“Oranges?” Peter asked, taking a deep breath. He could barely register the smell of fish anymore.

Tony nodded, quite proud of himself. “People used to put orange peels over their noses to get rid of nasty smells. I just upgraded a bit. They’ll wear off soon, but you should be done with the food by then.”

The tension left Peter’s shoulders as he inhaled the sweet scent. “Thanks Tony,” he sighed happily. Tony gave his hair a quick ruffle before gently pushing him over to Harley and Nadia, who were putting on gloves.

Watching Peter and Harley concentrate fiercely on cutting fish was a sight to behold. Peter was not known for his abilities in the kitchen at all, but he carefully cut each piece of raw fish before tossing it in the bucket. Harley kept giving Tony and Pepper mini heart attacks as his knife got closer and closer to his fingers with each cut.

Once they finished preparing all of the fish, Nadia called them over to five large white boards in the back of the kitchen. Each one had a large calendar on it, and they were all labeled with different animals.

“Let’s see,” Nadia hummed. “Calvin and Hobbes need to get fed soon, and then the next tour group can take care of Bonnie and Clyde.”

Peter carried the heavy bucket with ease as Nadia pushed past some swinging doors and led them to a service elevator. It took them up a few floors, and they got off at the top of one of the marine habitats inside the hotel.

Tony counted at least fifteen sharks, and he got a bit wary as Nadia led the teens up a moveable staircase. She directed Peter to place the bucket on the platform at the top, and then grabbed two long clampers that were hanging off the side.

“Okay, so Calvin is the Nurse Shark right below us,” Nadia said, handing the first clamper to Harley. “Just grab a piece of fish and lower the clamper down right above him.”

“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh,” Harley whispered to himself over and over as he carefully gripped the fish and held it over the tank. He leaned over just enough to get a good view and released the clamp. Tony and Pepper watched from the ground as Calvin opened his jaw wide to gobble up the tasty morsel.

“Good job!” Pepper praised, taking a picture with her own phone.

Nadia waved her hand at Peter, beckoning to come closer to her. “Okay, Peter, see that shark about 60 degrees to my right? That’s Hobbes. You ready?”

Peter grabbed his own fish with as much precision as Harley before carefully moving across the platform. He had a bit more an angle to deal with than Harley had, so he did some mental math and calculated for the refracting ability of the water before…

“Perfect!” Nadia exclaimed as the fish fell with a gentle “plop” right above Hobbes. “Nice job, both of you!”

“Do you monitor the water quality?” Peter asked curiously. “Like, for ammonia or nitrate build up?”

Nadia nodded, impressed at the question. “We do sample tests in different areas of the tanks just to be safe, but for the most part, they’re very self-regulating.”

“How do you handle it if something is imbalanced?” Harley asked, picking up another piece of fish.

Nadia explained the intricacies of tank regulation as they continued to feed the sharks. She quickly realized Peter and Harley could keep up, so she didn’t hold back any of the scientific terms. The teens kept peppering her with questions about the sharks, their habitat, and diets until they finally finished feeding Calvin and Hobbes. Nadia finally wrapped up before motioning them back down the staircase.

“Are you ready to get wet?” she asked, with a twinkle in her eye.

“We get to go in the shark tank?!” Harley yelped.

Nadia busted out laughing at his excitement. “Not quite! How does feeding some stingrays sound?”

It sounded so amazing, that Harley and Peter raced each other to the golf cart so they could leave and head to their next destination. This time, they headed out into the bright sunlight towards the bay. Pepper refused to let them in the water without putting on sunscreen, so the teens let her fuss over them until she was satisfied.

The bay was full of large stingrays, some with wingspans as long as six feet. Tony and Pepper perched on some rocks nearby, while Peter and Harley tentatively walked into the water. Despite the warm day, the water had a bit of chill, and they both let out a small shiver.

“Um, what if we step on them?” Harley asked, not daring to venture out further.

“Stingrays are very perceptive creatures,” Nadia promised. “They’ll move out of your way. Watch!” She walked back over to them, and the large stingray swam off to the side before she got close enough to touch it.

Harley and Peter looked at each other and nodded. They walked together in perfect coordination, and Tony grinned at how delicate they were being. Peter giggled as one of the stingrays tickled his legs with its nose. Harley followed after Nadia who was resting her hand just under the surface of the water. He gasped lightly as one stingray swam right against his palm.

“This is amazing!” he yelped, quickly pulling his hand back.

“Now,” Nadia warned, “when they smell the food they can get a bit excited. Make sure you keep your feet grounded so they don’t knock you over.” Laurie waded in and passed her the bucket. “Okay, take a piece and place your hand in the water. They’ll come to you.”

The stingrays flocked to the teens immediately, and Harley wobbled a bit unsteadily before wiggling his feet further in the sand. He felt the smooth wings of the rays brush up against the skin of his legs. Peter giggled as one ray sucked on his hand before diving down with the food.

Before they knew it, the bucket was empty, and the stingrays were heading out farther into the bay. Nadia motioned her head back to the edge of the sand where they had dropped their belongings earlier. “Would you like to snorkel for a bit? We’ve got about 45 minutes until lunch.”

Peter and Harley nodded so quickly, Tony thought their heads would fly off. They splashed their way out of the water and unpacked the huge goggles and snorkel attachment.

“They look ridiculous,” Pepper said with a grin as she snapped a few candids.

They really did. Peter’s hair stuck out wildly from when he pulled the goggles over his face, and Harley’s smaller face was dwarfed by the huge goggles. After a quick lesson from Nadia on how to operate the snorkel (and not suck in water), Peter and Harley swam out into the deeper part of the bay. Laurie kept a close eye on them while Nadia moved over towards the rock Tony and Pepper were sitting on.

“You’ve got some pretty smart kids!” she called up. “And polite too! You should be proud!”

Tony shook his head. “We can’t credit for that,” he admitted.

“They’re not actually our kids,” Pepper explained. “We’re just taking care of them for a while.”

Nadia nodded in understanding. “Well, you’re doing a good job because they haven’t turned into hellions under your watch. And it's very clear you care about them.”

Pepper and Tony preened at her praise. “Thank you,” Pepper replied sincerely. “That’s very kind of you to say.”

“Tony! Pepper!”

The adults turned to find Peter and Harley waving wildly at them. “WE FOUND NEMO!” they both shouted.

Tony groaned and put his head in his hands. “Can we leave them with you?” he asked.

Nadia laughed. “Believe it or not, you’re not the first parent, or non-parent, who’s said that.” She cupped her hands around her mouth. “THERE’S SOME BLUE TANGS TOO IF YOU JUST KEEP SWIMMING!”

Suddenly, Peter and Harley erupted in a chorus of “just keep swimmings” before plunging their heads back into the water.

“I’m blaming you if they sing that all day,” Tony joked.

Nadia shrugged. “Hey, be thankful they didn’t think to sing “Baby Shark” at the shark tank. That song is the worst.”

“Oh god, don’t even bring it up,” Pepper begged. “Knowing them, they will literally sing it until our ears bleed.”

As the adults continued to talk, Peter and Harley were busy exploring the bay. They both watch in amazement as a few clown fish swam in and out of colorful anemones. The water was so crystal clear and unlike anything they had ever seen before. Some of the stingrays had followed them out, but most of them were back by the shoreline. Peter waved at one of the rays as it passed him by, and he decided that the flapping of its wings counted as a wave back.

Harley was enamored by all of the different colored fish. He had never seen so many tropical species in one place, and he kept reaching out his hand to try and touch them. They always skittered away, but he did manage to pet a curious stingray that went by.

Time flew by, and before they knew it, it was time for lunch. They changed out of their wetsuits and hung them up to dry before heading to Mosaic. It was a trendy-looking restaurant with chrome fixtures and sleek flooring. Chefs were at different food stations cooking a variety of dishes, and Peter and Harley chose to pick from them while Pepper and Tony stuck to the menu.

All of the swimming and excitement meant that the teens had voracious appetites, and they seemed to consume everything in sight. Harley even snuck his fork onto Tony’s plate to steal a few pieces of calamari. Pepper’s stifled laughter is what clued Tony in, but he got the last laugh when Peter got busted stealing some of her fries.

They walked back down to where they left their wetsuits and got changed back into them again. Nadia bid them goodbye and switched with a trainer named Keno. She had to lead another group for the same activities they had just done, and Keno was going to take over the second half of the tour.

Keno led them to another bay, but this one had much deeper water. He helped Harley and Peter put their snorkeling gear again and showed them how to use personal propellers.

“So these are pretty neat,” Keno explained, holding them out for the teens to inspect. It looked like a small, personal fan with handles on either side. “You just need to hold it out in front of you and press this little trigger.” He tapped the button on the left handle. “It propels you forward.”

“We can be underwater Iron Men!” Peter exclaimed.

Keno chuckled. “Good one! They don’t go very fast, so maybe not quite like Iron Man though.”

Tony smirked and shook his head at them. “So what awaits them out there?” he asked, cocking his head towards the water.

“Dolphins,” Keno replied with a smile.

The day had been full of so many surprises already, yet Peter and Harley still freaked out over the idea of getting up close and personal with dolphins. They practically raced each other into the water, and Tony watched their bubble trail head farther and farther away.

Peter saw the dolphin first. It seemed to be waiting for them in the middle of the water, and the teens watched it swim towards them. They both pulled their fingers away from the triggers and floated in the water in front of them. The dolphin opened its mouth and clicked, the sound traveling over to Peter and Harley. It quickly turned around and nodded its head before swimming a bit away.

Peter and Harley took their cue to press the triggers again, and they were quickly following the dolphin around the bay. It was almost like a game of Simon Says. The dolphin would lead, and the teens would follow. It even slowed down enough to get right between them, and it nudged both of their hands. Peter smiled against his snorkel as he reached out and touched the dolphin’s smooth skin.

The dolphin eventually led them back over to Keno, who had a variation of a dog whistle in his mouth.

“Ready to do some training with Missy?” he asked.

Harley glanced at the dolphin. “Sound good to you, Missy?” he asked.

Missy nodded enthusiastically before splashing her tail against the water, soaking Peter and Harley.

Keno taught them the proper hand motions, and Peter and Harley ran through some training drills. Missy responded happily to each command, giving them high fives and jumping in the air. She kissed Harley with a wet smooch, and before Peter could laugh too long, she did the exact same thing to him.

The day ended with Peter and Harley getting a tour of one of the labs where staff analyzed different animals’ blood and took care of all the medical needs. They got to look at some samples under a microscope, and Tony had to practically drag them away before they could really talk Keno’s ear off.

“Thank you so much!” Peter exclaimed as he packed his wetsuit into a gift bag. As part of the Ultimate Trainer package, they each got to keep their wetsuits and snorkeling gear, plus they got a free t-shirt.

“It was amazing,” Harley added, sneaking one more peek at the microscope.

“You’re very welcome!” Keno said. “It was a pleasure having you.”

Laurie pulled out the memory card from one of the computers and handed Tony a small flash drive. “All of the pictures from today are here,” she said. “You have the only copy, and the rights to the photos are exclusively yours.”

“Thanks,” Tony replied, taking the device.

“This was wonderful,” Pepper said. “Thank you again.”

Peter and Harley waved goodbye as Tony and Pepper led them back to the main elevators. The entire day had flown by, and by the time they had gotten back up to their room, it was almost 7pm.

“Did you have fun?” Tony asked, flopping down on his bed.

“So much fun!” Peter’s eyes were still sparkling with excitement. “Seriously, this was the best day!”

Harley nodded in agreement. “I mean, did you see us out in the water?! We were swimming with a dolphin! How cool was that?!”

“Super cool!” Pepper replied. She gave them both a quick kiss on top of their heads, causing them to blush. “What do you want to do tonight?”

Peter and Harley shared a secret glance. “Well…” Harley said slowly. “There’s this arcade for teenagers.”

Tony smirked. “No adults, huh?”

“Not really,” Peter admitted. “It’s supervised though! And...well...it closes at 11, so you’d have the whole room to yourself.”

“Yeah,” Harley said. “You’d be all alone...until 11.”

“We won’t come back early,” Peter promised.

Tony glanced at Pepper questioningly. “Okay…”

“So,” Peter said as they inched towards the door. “We’ll see you at 11?”

“11. Got it kid,” Tony replied.

Harley gave Tony and Pepper a grin and small salute before shutting the door behind them as they left.

“Any idea what that was about?” Tony asked.

Pepper held up a hand and then counted to fifteen silently in her head. “If they forgot something, they would have realized it by now, right?”

“Yeah, but why does that mat-”

She hopped on the bed to cut him off with a kiss, and Tony propped himself up on his elbows so he could cup her cheek. “We have the entire room to ourselves,” she spelled out as she pulled away. “For four whole hours.”

Tony swallowed thickly and sent a quick mental thanks to Peter and Harley for giving them some adult time. “Four hours, huh?” he asked, his voice low. “We can do a lot in four hours.”

It was slow and perfect. Tony hummed into Pepper’s lips as she carefully traced her fingers up and down his sides before pulling his shirt off. She bit her lip as she unbuttoned his jeans, and he helped her push them down and out of the way before standing up in front of the bed. After relieving her of her own shirt, he turned her around so he could kiss between her shoulder blades and up her neck. Pepper’s breath came out in soft puffs as he reached his arms around and slowly undid the button of her jeans and pushed them down her thighs.

Pepper turned back around and wrapped her own arms around Tony’s neck. “I love you,” she whispered.

Tony gripped her legs firmly and she took that as her signal to hop up. Even though the bed was literally right there, Tony still carried her over and placed her gently in the center. He kissed up her stomach and to her lips.

“I love you too,” he whispered back, his lips brushing against hers.

They worked together in tandem, freeing themselves from the rest of their clothes and becoming one perfect whole. Tony stayed close the whole time, wanting to feel every inch of Pepper’s skin against his own.

Pepper shifted her hips against his as she captured his mouth in a desperate kiss, and that was the catalyst that set them both off. They gasped into each other’s lips as Tony stilled and framed her head with shaky arms. He peppered her forehead and nose with feathery kisses before carefully pulling out and laying next to her. Pepper curled up into Tony’s arms, and they stared up at the ceiling, coming down from their post-orgasm high.

“Thank god for arcades,” Pepper giggled as she traced her fingers over Tony’s chest.

He let out a snort and kissed the top of her head. “Arcades are the best.” He glanced at the clock on the end table. “We still have plenty of time to ourselves.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her. “Want to try some shower sex?”

“The kids use the shower,” Pepper replied, wrinkling her nose.

“So? That’s what water’s for.” Pepper’s unimpressed look told Tony to change his tactic. “Okay, fine, weird boundary.” He hummed thoughtfully. “How about bathtub sex? Kids haven’t touched that, and something tells me they’re a little too old for baths.”

Pepper responded by pushing herself up and pulling on Tony’s hand. “Well c’mon then Mr. Stark,” she replied, her voice taking on a husky tone. She gave him a wink before sauntering off and disappearing into the bathroom.

Tony stared after her in awe before quickly hopping off the bed.

“God, I love arcades.”

Chapter Text

“So the key to an epic sandcastle,” Tony explained as he packed wet sand into the bucket, “is moist sand. Too dry and it crumbles. Too wet, and it’ll squish and fall down.”

Peter and Harley listened with rapt attention as they got to work filling their own buckets. Tony had been horrified to learn that neither of them had ever been to an actual beach before (yesterday’s trip to the bay didn’t count, according to the billionaire), so he made sure that the entire day was spent at Lagoon Beach.

They had spent the morning snorkeling again, and this time, Tony and Pepper joined them. Peter and Harley eagerly pointed out fish they had seen the day before, and they recited facts they had learned from the Internet. They saw some really colorful fish, and Tony almost went right through a school of jellyfish before Harley pulled him back.

Then, they rented paddle boards. Pepper and Peter were naturals, while it took Harley a few tries to actually stand up. Tony was an expert at balancing on his repulsers, but the choppy waves from nearby jet skiers proved to be a challenge for him. He was in the water more than he was on the board, and he settled for sitting while Peter and Harley pulled him along. And if they “accidentally” pulled him so fast he flew off the end? Well, then there were quite a few “accidents” before Tony caught on.

In theory, Peter’s super strength made him an excellent swimmer. In reality, the teen was still an awkward mass of limbs learning how to push air out of his nose as he swam underwater. Tony caught him holding his nose more than once as he dove under the waves. He also wasn’t super coordinated when it came to breathing on every second front stroke. Harley, meanwhile, was fairly decent, and it made Tony feel much better that they both stayed near each other.

Pepper introduced Peter and Harley to the art of jumping waves. The day was calm, but the slight breeze made for the perfect-sized waves. They headed out into the water until their toes barely touched the ground and let the waves push them high into the air. Harley jumped too early and got slammed back towards the shore. Thankfully, he found the experience exhilarating and tried to make it happen again.

After a hearty lunch and quick nap under the beach umbrellas, Tony pulled out the sandcastle building kit he had bought from the ridiculously overpriced Atlantis gift store. Pepper watched warily as they continued to stack the sand piles higher and higher.

“What exactly are you building?” she asked.

“Avenger’s Tower,” Tony replied, adding another bucketful to the pile.

“Don’t you mean Stark Tower?” Harley noted. “It’s not like the Avengers live there anymore.”

Peter tensed up and waited to see how Tony would react. He remembered how bad Germany had been, and he knew some other stuff had gone down in Siberia, but he was never privy to that information. All he knew was that when it came time to take Peter home, Tony had sported a fresh black eye and a weary expression of someone who had seen too much.

“Meh,” Tony shrugged, playing it off. “Stark Tower, Avenger’s Tower...it’s still the best building in NYC.” He stepped back and looked at the sand. The pile came up to his shoulders, and he nodded in satisfaction. “Now we get to do the fun part.”

With the precision of a sculptor, Tony showed Peter and Harley how to whittle away at the sand and carve it into the more distinguishable shape of the Tower. Peter and Harley carefully shaved down the sides and gave the Tower its famous curve while Tony took care of the top. They had started to attract an audience, and soon, a group of kids were sitting in an eager circle watching them work.

Creating sand art was so peaceful, Tony decided. He hadn’t felt this relaxed and at ease in a really long time, and he was glad they had decided to take the trip. The Tower came together beautifully, and soon, the only work left was the small details. Tony knew the building inside and out, and he was painstakingly careful when he added the panes for the windows or directed the teens on how to finish the launch pad.

When they all finally stepped back from their masterpiece, the small crowd around them applauded. Peter and Harley blushed and backed away while Tony soaked in the praise. It was a pretty damn good sand sculpture too.

Pepper got pictures of the three of them next to the Tower, and then Tony showed them the best part of building a sand castle...knocking it down.

“You want us to what?!” Peter asked incredulously.

Tony was already backing up. “Run into it. Trust me, it’s great!”

“But we worked so hard!” Harley whined. “Why’d we spend so much time building it if it’s just going to get knocked down?”

“It’s just going to get knocked down eventually anyway,” Tony replied. “Why not do it yourself?”

Peter glanced at Harley and shrugged before taking a few steps back. “You first,” he said to Tony.

Tony nodded and took off, jumping and kicking out just as he reached the Tower. He managed to take off the entire top section, smashing the “A” that he wound up carving to smithereens.

Peter went next, barreling right through the middle section and falling into Tony. He shook the sand out of his hair and let out a cheer. It was surprisingly more satisfying than he thought it would be.

Harley ran and jumped right on top of the remaining bit of the Tower. He hopped and pounded the sand, reducing everything back to its original sandy mess.

“See?” Tony asked, holding his arms out. “Told ya it was worth it.” He grinned as the teens collapsed onto the beach blanket in a fit of laughter. Tony wished he could keep these perfect moments forever.

But he should have known it wouldn’t last.

Peter felt it at dinner that night. The back of his neck crawled, but not in the typical “danger” way it normally did. This time, something was just...off. Harley, Tony, and Pepper were all talking about something, but Peter couldn’t focus on the words. Instead, he scanned the restaurant, trying to figure out what was setting him off.

His gaze landed on a woman at the table right across the room. She was staring right at Tony, and Peter spotted a cell phone standing up on her knee aimed at the table.

“Um, Tony?” Peter asked, trying not to draw attention to himself. “I think-”

Before he could finish, all four of their cells phones went off at once. Peter pulled his out and found a text from Ned waiting for him.

GuyintheChair: Dude, you’re all on the news!

Harley stared at his own phone in confusion. “Did MJ text you about being on the news?” he asked Peter.

Peter shook his head. “Ned did.”

Pepper and Tony both paled and checked the texts on their own phones. Tony’s grip on his device tightened, and Peter was convinced it was going to break into pieces. He flagged the waiter down.

“We need this food to go,” he said, his voice short almost to the point of being rude. The waiter nodded and quickly headed off to the kitchen.

“Tony, what’s-” Harley started to ask, but then he stopped, spotting the mysterious woman too.

Tony turned around to find the source of the teens’ attention, and he glared. The woman balked at being spotted and quickly tucked her phone away as she pretended to go back to eating.

“We need to leave,” Tony said as the waiter came over with takeout boxes.

“Tony…” Peter said.

“Now.”

Tony pulled out way more money than necessary and threw it on the table while Pepper helped Peter and Harley pack up the food. Tony grabbed both boys by the back of their necks and guided them out of the restaurant with Pepper taking the lead.

“Do not stop for anyone,” Tony ordered. “Got it?”

Peter was starting to freak out, causing Harley to start to freak out. “What’s going on?” Peter asked. “Why are we on the news?”

He got his answer a few seconds later as they walked into the lobby towards the elevator doors. A group of people with much more professional-looking cameras than the woman in the restaurant started shouting at them.

“Tony Stark! Over here!”

“How’s the family vacation going?”

“Is it true these are your sons from two different women?”

“Ms. Potts, how do you feel about raising Tony Stark’s children?”

Thankfully, hotel security swooped in and practically dragged the paparazzi away, giving Tony and Pepper the perfect chance to herd Peter and Harley into the elevator and back up to the room. Tony dead bolted the door as soon as he got inside, and pulled the ringing telephone off the hook.

“Goddammit,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. “GodDAMMIT!” His cellphone rang, and he quickly answered this. “Happy, how the hell did this happen?” he exclaimed into the phone.

Peter could quite hear what Happy was saying, but he could hear enough to know that Happy was just as upset as Tony. He strained and tried to listen in on the conversation, but Tony caught on and locked himself in the bathroom. Pepper, meanwhile, was talking to Rhodey on her own phone.

“Quick,” Harley whispered, “Google Tony.” They both sat down on the couch, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible as they searched for Tony’s name online. What came back shocked them.

Tony Stark’s Past Comes Back to Haunt Him: Billionaire Discovers He Has Two Love Children

Tony Stark’s New Kids: PR Ploy or Genuine Love?

Tony Stark Plays Father on Field Trip with STEM Magnet School

Tony Stark Tries to Redeem Himself by Spending Time with His Long-Lost Children

Peter paled when he tapped on some of the articles and found pictures of the four of them. The reporters had somehow gotten ahold of both Peter and Harley’s yearbook photos, and Peter grimaced at his awkward smile. There were also pictures from the field trip, and it was clear that Tony, Peter, and Harley had no idea someone had been snapping pics of them. Peter took in a sharp breath when he spotted pictures of them under the “private” cabana, and he felt exposed knowing the whole world was seeing these photos.

Harley felt his stomach churn with anger. Not so much at the pictures...he could deal with the blatant invasion of privacy. But the headlines trashing Tony and his “parenting” were enough to make Harley want to throw something. One look at Peter’s face told him his friend was feeling the exact same way.

“Let’s put these away, huh?” Pepper asked, gently taking the phones out of their hands. She tossed them on the bed and sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Well this isn’t how I saw the vacation going,” she said, letting out a small laugh.

Tony, meanwhile, was still screaming on the phone. A crash came from behind the bathroom door along with more cursing.

“I’m sorry,” Peter said softly. “I never even noticed someone taking pictures on the field trip.”

“It’s my fault too,” Harley added quickly. “I didn’t notice either.”

Pepper shook her head firmly. “This is in no way, shape, or form your fault. Are we clear?”

Harley glanced at the closed bathroom door. “But he’s so mad right now.”

“Not at you,” Pepper promised. She held up a finger, headed over to the bathroom, and knocked on the door.

“Little busy!” Tony yelled.

“Tony,” Pepper said calmly, “I get that you’re upset, but you’ve got two teenagers who are freaking out and need you to be a bit more stable. Plus, one of them has super powers and can pretty much hear everything you’re saying.”

In reality, Peter had been too distracted to try and listen to Tony’s conversation, but Tony didn’t need to know that. He heard Tony mumble a quick goodbye to Happy, and then his mentor opened up the bathroom door and came into the room. He gave the teens a sheepish grin before flopping down on the couch between them.

“Sorry,” Tony sighed, nudging both of their shoulders. He glanced at the discarded phones on the bed. “Headlines that good, huh?”

“They’re bullshit,” Harley snapped.

“They almost always are, kid,” Tony chuckled, enjoying Harley’s protectiveness. “Nothing I can’t handle.” He sighed and leaned his head back against the couch. “I think our trip might get cut a bit short. Now that this has officially become a media circus, we’re a bit exposed.”

“S’okay,” Peter replied, a bit bummed by the news. “We got four days in the Bahamas. That’s more than I could ever say before.”

“Yeah,” Harley nodded. “I’m cool with leaving.”

Tony smirked at them. “Liars,” he laughed, swiping at their hair. “But I appreciate it. We’ll head back ton-”

He was cut off as his cell phone rang in his pocket. He pulled it out and glared at the screen until he saw the number calling him. Peter watched Tony’s eyes harden as he unlocked the phone and put it on speaker.

“What?” Tony asked gruffly, causing Pepper to stare at him disapprovingly.

“Tony?” a familiar voice asked on the other end. “It’s, uh...it’s Steve.”

“Captain America?!” Harley mouthed over Tony’s shoulder to Peter. His friend nodded, recognizing Steve’s voice from their time in Germany.

“I know who it is,” Tony snapped. “There’s a neat little invention called Caller ID.” Pepper reached out and kicked at his ankle for that one. Tony kicked back at her like a petulant child, but one glare from her had him refocus on the conversation. “Sorry, Cap, it’s been an evening. What do you need?”

Steve cleared his throat, as if he was embarrassed. “We...well...we all saw the news. About, you know…”

“Uh huh...”

“And, I’m just calling...I guess I just want to make sure that you’re okay. That you’re all okay.”

“Why, Cap, I’m touched,” Tony replied with fake enthusiasm.

“Tony!” Pepper hissed while Peter and Harley giggled. Tony shrugged innocently, as if he had no idea what she was complaining about. “This is why your file says “doesn’t play well with others”,” she muttered under her breath.

“Tony, I know we didn’t end on a good note in Siberia-”

“Ah! Nope!” Tony exclaimed. “Not doing this right now.” He pushed himself off the couch and started pacing, the phone still clutched in his hand. “If that’s all…”

There was some scuffling on Steve’s end of the phone call, and someone yelped in complaint. “Stark, it’s Romanoff,” a female voice said. “You should come to the Compound for a few days.” Someone, probably Steve, mumbled “Seriously, Nat?” in the background, causing Tony to smirk.

“Oh really?” he asked. “And why’s that?”

“Because the Tower is mobbed with reporters, your kids don’t need the attention, Steve owes you a better apology, and you need to work all this shit out.”

Peter scrunched his nose. Why did Steve owe Tony an apology? Was it for the airport? Or for something that happened after?

Tony bristled at Nat’s suggestion. “My kids will be perfectly safe in the Tower thankyouverymuch.”

“Yeah, and stuck inside,” Nat countered. “You really think they’re going to be able to go out in public until you and Pepper sort this out?”

“I-”

“Besides, the Compound is huge and there’s a forest surrounding it. Kids need nature. At least, that’s what I’ve heard.”

Tony sighed, and looked at Pepper. Her expression said the same thing he was thinking: Nat was right. It was going to be a zoo until he held some sort of press conference to get the media off their backs. Peter and Harley did not deserve to spend the rest of their break cooped up in the Tower, even though he knew they would do it without complaint.

“Pepper and I aren’t deciding this unilaterally,” Tony finally said, looking at the teens. “It’s their decision to make.”

Peter and Harley shared a quick, affirmative glance, and then Harley cracked his knuckles and rolled his neck. He hopped off the couch and stole the phone from Tony before he could complain.

“Harley Keener here,” Harley said with more confidence than he actually felt. He was talking to a famous assassin, after all. “Peter and I will come, but we’ve got conditions.”

There was a brief pause and then: “We’re listening.”

“Someone needs to go pick up our kittens from the Tower and bring all their stuff to the Compound. Including the cat tree.”

There was a slight pause and some background whispers about Tony having kittens, but Nat moved away from all of it to a quieter area. “Kittens. Done. Anything else?”

“We get unlimited access to everything!” Harley demanded. “Including the lab!”

“Limited access to the lab,” Tony amended. “Especially if I’m not there.”

“Unlimited access,” Nat said, while Tony let out a huff of protest. “Got it.”

“And you need to stock the kitchen with food! Like, good food. The junkier, the better. Teenagers need junk food, it’s good for our growth.”

“Bullshit!” Tony and Pepper both exclaimed.

Nat chuckled. “I’ll send Clint to do the shopping. He’s basically a child.”

“Hey!” someone, presumably Clint, shouted. “Am not!”

Harley looked at Peter with a panicked expression because he had run out of ideas, but he didn’t want the momentum to end when they were getting such a good deal out of it. Peter quickly hopped to Harley’s defense and joined his friend at the phone.

“And you have to be nice to Tony,” Peter said firmly, and Harley nodded in silent agreement. “Whatever happened before...it’s not going to happen again.”

“Or Peter and I will personally kill you,” Harley added. “No matter who you are or what powers you have.”

Peter balked a bit. “Kill them?” he asked. “I was gonna say hurt them.”

“Yeah, but you’re talking to an assassin , dude! You’ve gotta speak her language!”

“But we don’t have to kill -”

Pepper gently grabbed the phone from Harley because Tony was too shocked at Peter’s heartfelt request. “Okay, I think they get it,” Pepper said with a smile. “Nat, we’ll try and leave in a few hours, but we’ll get to the Compound really late. Can you make sure the landing pad is clear for the jet?”

“Got it,” Nat replied. “See you later.” The call ended with a quick beep, and the room was silent.

Tony sighed for what seemed like the millionth time that night as he gripped Peter and Harley’s knees and pushed himself off the couch.

“Alright,” he said, going into action mode, “text your parental figures to let them know you’re okay and then you can help pack.” He grabbed their phones off the bed and chucked them at the teens.

Peter typed a quick message on his screen and showed it to Harley, who grinned and nodded. They both sent off the texts and then hopped off the couch. Tony and Pepper both felt their phones buzz, and they rolled their eyes, expecting another unnecessary text. When, they opened their phones, however, they found themselves in a new group chat.

Spider-Baby: Hey parental figures! Just wanted to let you know that we’re okay!

Potato Gunner: What he said! We’re fine as long as we’re with you!

Peter and Harley didn’t even see the hugs coming before they were tackled onto the bed.

Chapter Text

Tony woke up, his movements slow and lazy. The sun was streaming through the blinds, and he blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the morning. He felt a heavy weight on his chest and lifted his head to find Nikola curled up and purring contentedly. Tony was surprised to find Peter’s head resting right beneath Nikola. The teen was sprawled out in the middle of the bed, his head on Tony’s stomach and legs tangled up with Pepper’s. One quick glance to the left revealed Harley smushed between Tony and Pepper’s pillows. Tesla’s tiny cat paw was stretched across his forehead, and the rest of his furry body was nestled under Pepper’s chin. Tony felt fingers interlaced with his own, and when he carefully lifted his hand, he found it attached to Pepper’s. Her arm was laying over Harley’s stomach, making their human pretzel complete.

“Well this is cozy,” Tony mumbled, rubbing a hand over his face. The vibrations of his voice were enough to wake up Nikola, and the kitten yawned and stretched out, kicking Peter right in the face. The teen scrunched his nose, and let out a tiny hum. Tony laughed softly, finally causing Peter to wake up.

“Noooo,” he whined. “More sleep.”

Harley groaned and stuffed his face into Tony’s pillow. “Five more minutes,” he said, his voice muffled.

Pepper, meanwhile, opened her eyes and let out a yawn. “Time to get up already?”

“No!” Peter and Harley exclaimed emphatically.

Tony ruffled Peter’s hair, causing him to burrow his face in Tony’s shirt. “What are you two even doing in here?” Tony asked. “You have a perfectly good room to share right next door.”

“Mean Avengers,” Harley mumbled. He reached up and scooped Tesla up and cuddled him close to his chest.

“Super mean,” Peter agreed.

Tony sighed. “They would never be mean to you. You’re kids.”

“Not us,” Harley corrected, pushing himself up to sit against the headboard. “Mean to you.”

That caused Tony to pause. “What?” he asked.

“There was the whole Germany thing,” Peter explained. “And whatever happened after, which I know you’re avoiding, by the way.” He sat up and wrapped a discarded blanket around his shoulders, pressing small kisses to Nikola’s head. “I saw the bruises,” he added quietly.

“We’re not going to let them hurt you,” Harley finished. “So we slept in here.”

Tony cleared his throat, completely overwhelmed by their logic. “Listen…” he said slowly. “They’re not going to hurt me. There is so much you don’t know, and don’t need to know. I’m not...mad...anymore. Maybe a little disappointed though.” Peter and Harley looked at him uncertainly. “I wouldn’t have brought you here otherwise,” Tony promised. “We’ll camp out here for a few days, and then go back to life as normal.”

“There’s no such thing as “life as normal” for you,” Harley teased. Tony gave him a smack on the head and then gently pet Tesla just to rub it in.

“You’re sleeping in your own beds tonight,” Tony ordered with a grin.

Pepper sat up and wrapped both Peter and Harley in a hug. “I don’t know,” she teased, “it was kind of nice waking up to all my boys in one spot.” Peter and Harley stuck their tongues out at Tony as they returned Pepper’s hug.

“Done. I’m done with all of you,” Tony threatened. Peter and Harley handed the cats off to Pepper before tackling Tony and practically knocking him off the bed. Tony shoved them the rest of the way off and finally climbed out of bed to get ready for the day.

“Do we actually have to get up?” Harley asked as he burrowed back under Tony’s abandoned side of the bed. Peter nodded in agreement and gave Tony his best puppy dog eyes. It did not help that the kittens also mewed adorably and everyone looked so domestic relaxing in the king-sized bed.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Tony conceded as he dug through his suitcase to pull out a sweatshirt. “We can do breakfast in bed, but then Pepper and I need to get some work done on how we’re going to handle this media stuff.”

“Cool,” Peter yawned, crawling up the middle of the bed and taking Harley’s previous spot. “You want us to come with and help?”

Tony smiled softly at the sleepy teens before leaning over and giving each of them a brief kiss on top of their heads. They both blushed and grinned as they nestled back in the blankets, the gesture surprising but welcome. Pepper reached up and stole a kiss from him too before laying back down with the kittens.

“Nah,” Tony whispered as they slowly fell back asleep. “I’m good.”

Tony tried to keep up his casual and confident demeanor as he walked into the kitchen where most of the Avengers were eating lunch, but he was nervous. He hadn’t seen them in months, and he had liked his moments of peace and quiet. But at the same time, he missed his second family.

“The beauty queen is awake!” Clint exclaimed from the counter as Tony walked in.

Well, Tony missed most of them, anyway.

Tony rolled his eyes as he walked over to the fridge. “God, some things never do change, huh?” He glanced at Nat, who was smirking at Clint. “You still put up with him?”

“Barely,” she replied, causing Steve and Bucky to snort.

“Hey!” Clint protested. “I’m your favorite.” Nat merely shrugged, which only caused Clint to glare as he angrily sipped his coffee.

Steve cleared his throat. “Hey, Tony,” he said almost shyly.

Tony nodded at Steve and Bucky. “Cap. Manchurian Candidate.” Bucky flinched a little at the nickname, but he did give Tony a reserved nod in return.

Steve looked out towards the hallway. “Are, uh...are your, um, well…” He trailed off and blushed fiercely as he tried to put a coherent sentence together.

Tony raised his brows in amusement. “Are what, Cap? Are my children and fiance coming down?” Clint and Bucky snorted as Steve’s face turned an even brighter shade of red. “No, we’re doing breakfast in bed.”

“It’s almost two,” Nat pointed out.

“Late lunch then,” Tony corrected easily. “Our schedules are a bit off. We didn’t get here until almost dawn.” He pulled out a bunch of deli meat, cheese, and veggies from the fridge before grabbing a loaf of bread from the pantry. “We got a tray in here? Figured it’ll be easier than trying to balance a bunch of plates.” He answered his own question by leaning down and opening another cabinet. “Aha!” he exclaimed as he triumphantly pulled a tray out. He playfully smacked it on the counter as he got to work making the food.

Nat, Steve, Bucky, and Clint stared at Tony in disbelief as he expertly whipped together a pile of sandwiches. He hummed a bit as he stared back into the fridge. He pulled out a container of juice and added some cups to the tray before picking it up and heading back towards the bedroom.

“See you later!” Tony called over his shoulder.

After Tony disappeared, Clint hopped off the counter and checked to make sure the coast was clear. “Did anyone else just watch Tony Stark make sandwiches like freaking Betty Crocker?!” he yelped.

“She does cakes,” Nat corrected.

“Whatever!” Clint replied, throwing his hands up. “He was being domestic! Does that not strike you as weird?”

“Kids can change you,” Nat said with a small shrug of her shoulders.

“You don’t seem too shocked,” Bucky noted.

“Stark’s always cared about people,” she said. “He just tends to show it in different ways. So of course he’d care about his kids.”

“So they are his kids then?” Steve asked. “Biological, I mean?”

Nat rested her chin in her hand as she glanced back down the hall, pondering Steve’s question.

“Well, they’re definitely something, that’s for sure.”

“So question,” Harley said as he got crumbs all over the bed. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much can we mess with the Avengers?”

“Six,” Tony immediately replied, tucking a napkin into his shirt like a bib, much to the teen’s dismay. “You can do just enough to be annoying.”

“Tony…” Pepper warned as the teens gave each other a high five with their sandwiches. Nikola and Tesla meowed from their spots on the floor as they chowed down on their own food.

“What?” Tony shrugged. “It’s Peter and Harley. They’re harmless.”

“Yeah!” Peter said innocently. “Don’t worry, Pepper, we’ll be good.”

“Totally,” Harley replied with a smug grin.

Pepper merely sighed and finished the rest of her juice before collecting all of her trash onto her plate. “Just please don’t blow anything up,” she requested.

“Got it,” Peter and Harley said together.

Tony collected the plates, cups, and leftover scraps and stacked them all carefully on the tray. He finished putting on a clean shirt and headed into the bathroom to brush his teeth. While he had been getting food, Pepper had already showered and gotten herself put together to work the rest of the day. Peter and Harley, meanwhile, were still lounging in bed, which Tony was content to let them do if it meant they could relax for the remainder of their vacation.

“Pepper and I need to spend some time brainstorming and dealing with the press,” Tony said after spitting out his toothpaste. “You two going to stay here?”

Peter shook his head. “We were thinking of exploring a little bit,” he said.

“No lab,” Pepper and Tony said simultaneously.

“What?!” Harley yelped.

“No fair!” Peter chimed in.

Tony shook his head. “Unless someone responsible is with you, you do not work in that lab.” Peter and Harley started to open their mouths, but Tony cut them off. “And no, Captain America and his merry band of misfits do not count as responsible.”

“What about Dr. Banner?” Peter asked, his eyes shining brightly. “Is he here?”

“Pete, I haven’t seen Bruce in almost two years.” Tony sighed. “Look, the only people I trust in my lab besides Pepper and I are Bruce and Rhodey, and I’m pretty sure neither of them are here. So again, no working in the lab.”

“Ugh,” Peter groaned, flopping dramatically on the bed.

Harley quickly followed suit. “This is going to be so boring without you two.”

Tony and Pepper smirked at their mini temper tantrums. “I’m sure you’ll find something to keep you occupied,” Pepper said, ruffling their hair.

“Yeah,” Tony added, “weren’t you just talking about messing with the Avengers?”

That got their attention. Peter and Harley quickly sat back up, huge smiles plastering their faces.

“YES!”

Chapter Text

“Break it down for me,” Harley instructed as they roamed the halls. “What’s up with all the tension again?” He tossed a quarter up and down in the air as they walked.

“Okay,” Peter said, “there was this huge disagreement over the Accords. You know what those are right?”

Harley nodded. “We learned about them in history class. It was like a checks and balances for superheroes.”

“Right, but it was super shady and there were a lot of parts people didn’t agree on.” Peter stopped as they reached the end of the hallway. “Heads, left. Right, tails.”

Harley flipped the coin high in the air then caught it in his palm. He slapped it on the top of his hand to reveal a heads. “Left it is!” he grinned. They had been exploring the entire Compound like this for almost two hours. They had found a bunch of research and development labs, the pool, and Tony’s personal lab (which FRIDAY refused to unlock under Tony’s orders).

“So, anyway,” Peter continued as they turned left, “things were tense, but the Accords were still going to get signed. Then the explosion happened.”

“Wakanda’s king was killed, right?” Harley asked.

Peter nodded. “Yeah, and everyone thought the Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes, did it. There was a huge fight at this airport in Germany to try and stop them.”

“And that’s when Tony brought you in, right?”

“Yup. My suit got a massive upgrade.” Peter shook his head. “It was easily the coolest and scariest day of my entire life.”

Harley paused and peered his head into a dark window on the wall to their right. He scoffed when he spotted just another office and kept walking. “But I don’t get it,” he said. “The Winter Soldier was cleared of all charges, right? They proved it wasn’t him. So what’s with all the tension between Captain America and Tony?”

Peter shrugged. “I don’t know. I was benched after the fight and Tony went somewhere else.”

“Siberia,” Harley said. “Remember on the phone? Captain America said something about Siberia.”

“I dunno,” Peter replied. “He never told me, and the only thing I saw were a bunch of bruises on his face when he got back to take me home.” He held his hand out for the quarter when they reached the end of the hallway. Harley passed it over, and Peter quickly flipped it in the air.

“Right,” he determined, showing Harley the tails.

“Do we even trust them?” Harley asked as they turned and continued walking. “I mean, Tony got-” He paused, causing Peter to bump into him. “Whoa!” he gasped.

In their aimless wandering, the teens found themselves standing outside of a massive training room. The clear glass windows gave them the perfect view inside, and they could see state-of-the-art weight machines lining the back wall. A huge mat covered the entire expanse of the middle of the floor, and a few people were sparring inside. When Harley pressed his face right up against the glass to get a better look, his weight caused the door to push open, and he went stumbling in the gym.

“Shit!” Peter mumbled to himself. It wasn’t that they were avoiding the Avengers, per say, but they certainly weren’t trying to spend quality time with them. He quickly scooted inside the door and helped Harley up. Unfortunately, they had caused quite an entrance, and everyone stopped and stared at them.

Nat released Steve from the headlock she had him in, and he collapsed on the ground in a huff. Clint and Bucky abandoned their dumbbells to come over and catch a glimpse at the elusive teenagers. Another person that Peter recognized as the Falcon followed the two men down from a barbell rack.

“Hi there,” Falcon said warmly, “I’m Sam Wilson.”

Peter held up a tentative hand while Harley crossed his arms and tried to act unimpressed. “H-Hi,” Peter replied. “I’m, uh, Peter, and this is Harley.”

“‘Sup,” Harley said with a small nod.

Steve groaned as he stood up. He towered over the teens, which would have been more intimidating if he wasn’t smiling politely at them. “Steve Rogers,” he said, holding out his hand. Peter shook it eagerly then jabbed Harley in the side, signaling his friend to return the gesture. Harley rolled his eyes, but shook the super soldier’s hand anyway.

The others quickly introduced themselves as well, and then they were all standing in an odd silence.

“So you’re the negotiators,” Nat finally said with a smirk. “Is everything to your liking?”

Peter and Harley grinned. “Totally!” Peter assured her. “Thanks for getting our kittens.”

“Rhodey actually brought them over,” Steve explained. “He needed to drop some stuff off here and offered to pick them up.”

“Uncle Rhodey was here?!” Harley exclaimed. He lightly smacked Peter’s shoulder. “Dude, I can’t believe we missed him!”

Peter caught the incredulous look the adults all gave each other, and he mentally high-fived Harley for throwing them off their game. “Well,” he said, pulling on Harley’s arm, “we didn’t mean to interrupt…”

“Hang on,” Clint said, stepping forward. “You just got here! You can’t leave yet!”

Peter narrowed his eyes at Clint’s phrasing. “Can’t?” he asked, taking a tentative step backwards.

Steve held up his hands peacefully. “He means you don’t have to leave if you don’t want to.”

Harley hummed thoughtfully as he glanced around the room. His eyes caught something shiny, and despite his unease towards the Avengers, he found himself gravitating towards it.

“Dude! Is that your shield?” he practically gasped.

Everyone turned around to follow Harley’s gaze, and sure enough, Steve’s shield sat propped up against the wall.

Peter’s eyes widened. “Holy crap! Can we hold it?!”

Steve smiled at the teens. “It’s not a toy,” he warned.

“We can handle it,” Harley promised smugly. He grinned at the others. “We can prove it.”

“Oh yeah?” Clint ask challengingly. “How’re you gonna do that?”

Harley wrapped an arm around Peter’s shoulder and pulled him away to confer. The teens whispered quietly to each other and glanced back at the others every so often to increase the intimidation factor. Finally, they walked back over.

“If Peter knocks you down in a sparring match, we get to hold the shield,” Harley said as he pointed at Steve.

Bucky let out a snort, while Nat bit her lip as she smiled. Clint, meanwhile, was much less subtle with his astonishment, and he practically fell to the floor as he laughed.

Steve’s jaw dropped open. “You want to what?”

“Spar you,” Harley repeated. “To hold the shield.”

“Kid, I’m not gonna-”

Peter stepped forward confidently. “Are you afraid you’ll lose?” he asked.

Sam whistled and patted Steve on the back. “I think you just got burned,” he chuckled.

Steve shook his head. “Tony’ll kill me,” he groaned, looking up at the ceiling.

“We won’t tell!” Harley promised. Steve still looked uncertain, so Harley pressed further. “Humor us, would you? Our vacation got cut short, and this is the best entertainment we’ve gotten since leaving the Bahamas.”

Bucky saw right through Harley’s ploy. “Don’t fall for it, punk,” he warned Steve, but his best friend was biting his lip with a guilty look in his eye.

“Too late,” Nat said wryly.

Steve pointed a finger at Peter. “I’m not using my full strength,” he warned. “You don’t like it, you don’t need to hold the shield.”

“So you think you’ll lose then?” Peter asked as he stepped onto the training mat.

“Oh yeah,” he heard Sam laugh. “These two are definitely Tony’s kids.” He didn’t miss the way Peter and Harley’s cheeks tinged pink at the compliment and how their smiles got a little bit brighter.

Steve just shook his head. “I’m going to regret this…” He stepped up on the mat with Peter. “Nat, call it?”

Nat nodded and everyone gathered around the edge of the mat. “Clean fight,” she demanded. “And...go!”

Peter felt the hair on his neck stick up as Steve lunged for his legs. He quickly rolled out of the way and hopped right back up again.

“Holy shit!” he heard Bucky exclaimed. “Kid’s fast!”

Steve nodded approvingly at Peter but then immediately went for another tackle. He managed to knock into Peter’s side as he tried to roll out of the way again, causing the teen to stumble.

“Aim for ze legs!” Harley yelled out in faux-German accent.

Peter recognized the Vine and realized Harley was right. Steve’s posture was all about protecting his upper body, leaving his legs more vulnerable. With a pained gasp (being hit by a supersoldier hurt, okay?), Peter kicked his legs out, pushing Steve off balance for a brief second. It was all Peter needed to grab him by the arm and yank him onto the floor.

Steve was quick, though, and he barely landed on his knees before breaking out of Peter’s grip. He grunted as Peter landed a decent punch to his chest, and he stumbled as he tried to get back up.

Steve may have decided to hold back, but that didn’t mean Peter had to. He gave Steve an apologetic smile before completely body-slamming his legs. Peter kept a tight grip around Steve’s thighs and pushed with all his might, causing him to fall backwards on the mat.

“YES!” Harley screamed, already running towards the shield.

“Holy shit!” Sam gasped. “Man, you just knocked down by a teeny bopper!”

“Like, flat on your ass knocked down!” Clint laughed.

Peter abandoned Steve in favor of admiring the shield with Harley, so Nat helped him get back on his feet.

“I know you went easy on him,” she smirked, “but that was a bit sad, even for you.”

Steve shook his head incredulously. “I had a solid grip on the floor,” he said, still slightly winded. “That was all the kid.”

Nat raised her brow. “Lucky hit?” she asked.

“I don’t think so,” Steve murmured.

Bucky tapped his shoulder. “Not to interrupt, but what the hell are they doing?”

Everyone’s attention turned back to Peter and Harley, who were standing across the room from each other. Peter gripped the shield tightly and knelt down a bit.

“Harley!” Peter yelled, crouching lower. “Shield!” Harley took off running as fast as he could right at Peter.

Clint’s eyes widened. “Oh shit! They’re doing the Wonder Woman thing!”

“The what?” Steve asked.

“Wonder Woman! Don’t you watch movies, old man?”

“You’re seriously bringing that up now?!” Steve asked. He watched as Harley increased his speed and ran closer and closer to Peter. “Hey!” he yelled. “You’re going to get hurt!”

Ignoring everyone, Harley jumped up just as he was a few feet away from Peter. Everyone stared helplessly as his feet made contact with the shield, and Peter sprung up, pushing the shield (and Harley) into the air. The force from the push meant Harley was suddenly sailing towards the ceiling with absolutely nothing to protect him for his return trip to the floor.

Before anyone could search the ground for a Harley pancake, the teen had enough sense to reach out and grab at one of the rafters hanging from the ceiling. He grunted as he slammed into the metal, but he managed to hold on tight.

“Damn it Peter!” he yelled with a cough. “Too much force!”

“Oh shit!” Peter let the shield fall with a clang. “I know!” he exclaimed apologetically. “I forgot to account for your additional speed from running!”

“Ya THINK?!” Harley shouted, looking down. He gulped as he saw how high up he was. “Get me down, please!”

Peter tapped at the cuffs on his wrist as he shook off his sneakers and socks. Oh well, super identity be damned. It’s not like they wouldn’t have been able to put two and two together after the sparring match and the shield thing. Peter activated the web shooters and aimed up at the ceiling. The webs attached on either side of Harley’s head, and Peter pulled himself up with the force. He swung his hips forward and let his feet cling to the surrounding rafters. Harley wrapped his arms around Peter’s shoulders, and they both carefully rappelled back down to the floor.

“That was so EPIC!” Harley exclaimed once they finally reached solid ground. “We totally need to do that again!”

Peter rolled his eyes as he put his socks and shoes back on. “You were literally just crying about how I used too much force!”

“I wasn’t crying, you dork. I was merely providing feedback!”

“Feedback my ass! Besides, that shield does not obey the laws of physics! It’s not totally my fault!”

The teens continued to bicker as they walked out of the gym and headed back upstairs, leaving everyone else completely and utterly speechless in their wake. The doors closed, and the teens’ voices faded as they disappeared further down the hall.

“What...the...hell…” Sam said slowly.

Clint shook his head. “Nuh uh. I need coffee for this conversation.” He pushed past them to make his way towards the kitchen.

Bucky looked at Sam and Steve. “Does Peter seem familiar to you?”

Steve’s jaw tensed as he nodded.

“I think it’s time we go talk to Tony.”

Chapter Text

“Boss, your presence is requested in the kitchen,” FRIDAY said. “Captain Rogers insists you come right away.”

Tony groaned and let his head bang on the desk. He and Pepper were almost done crafting a press conference response and threatening magazines to pull the ridiculous headlines, and the last thing he wanted was to lose his groove.

“I’m not going,” he said, his voice muffled by the table.

Pepper chuckled and gently pulled his head up by his hair. “I can finish this without you,” she promised. “Go see what he wants.”

Tony glared at her. “Mean. You could totally pull rank over him. He’s terrified of you.”

“Well then,” she grinned, “shouldn’t I save that for when we can have a little fun?”

Tony sighed and pushed himself out of the chair. “Fine,” he conceded. He gave the top of her head a quick kiss and headed out of the office.

“Bring me a cup of coffee, would you?” she called after him. He waved his hand in agreement before he disappeared to the kitchen.

As he got closer, he could hear voices arguing and getting louder. When he finally got inside, Steve, Nat, Bucky, and Sam were all clustered around the island while Clint was at his usual perch on the counter. The aroma of fresh coffee filled Tony’s nose, and he watched Clint bring a bowl to his lips to drink.

“Why the hell is Bird Brain drinking coffee from a bowl?” Tony smirked, walking over to the island. Before anyone could answer, he held up his hand. “You know what? I don’t want to know.” He rested his arms against the island as the others stared at him. “Well? To what do I owe the pleasure of this little tête-à-tête ?”

“Your son is Spider-Man,” Steve said bluntly.

Tony blinked a few times, trying to come up for a cover story for Peter. “And you’re saying this because…?”

“He launched Harley up to the ceiling with Steve’s shield and then used his webs to get him down,” Nat replied.

“And he did some freaky sticky shit with his feet,” Sam added. “Don’t forget about that part.”

“And he kicked Steve’s ass six ways to Sunday,” Bucky smirked, causing Steve to roll his eyes.

Tony couldn’t help but let a small giggle escape. “He really kicked your-wait a second, what do you mean he LAUNCHED Harley?”

“Kid pulled a Wonder Woman,” Clint said, taking another sip of coffee from his bowl. “Like, full out Diana move.

“With your shield?” Tony asked. Steve nodded. “Why the hell would you let teenagers play with your goddamn shield?!” He looked up at the ceiling. “FRIDAY, tell the kids to get down here. Now.”

“On it, Boss.”

Steve crossed his arms menacingly. “Why the hell would you bring a teenager to a goddamn fight?”

Tony bristled. Okay, so they were going to have this conversation. “First of all, he was going around in a pajama onesie until I found him and gave him a much safer, multi-million dollar upgrade. Second, he never would have been at that fight if someone had listened to reason.”

Steve moved closer to Tony. “You know why-”

“Zip it, Rogers, I’m not taking parenting lessons from an icicle.”

“Boys,” Nat said calmly, stepping between the two. “Play nice.”

Tony shot Steve a piercing glare then stepped away to the counter. Clint ducked down as Tony opened the cabinets trying to find two mugs for coffee because now he definitely needed one as well. “Where the hell are all the damn mugs?!” he exclaimed, slamming another empty cabinet closed.

“A bowl works,” Clint said, wiggling his brows as he took another sip.

“You’re a hot mess, you know that?”

“Please,” Clint scoffed. “Tell me something I don’t already know.”

Before Tony could respond, Peter and Harley came sliding into the kitchen. Literally sliding with only socks on their feet. They glided across the tile floor and tried to stop gracefully, but Harley wound up crashing right into Peter, and they both collided with Clint’s legs that were dangling off the counter. He tried to rescue his bowl of coffee, but his arm got jostled and some wound up spilling on the floor.

“Aww, coffee, no!” Clint whined, staring at the mess. But instead of getting up to clean it, he merely guzzled more coffee from his bowl.

“Sorry!” Peter said quickly. He turned to look at Tony. “Hey! Have you checked the weather today?”

“Cause it’s super muggy outside,” Harley added. His smile dropped when he saw Tony’s serious expression. “Uh oh…”

“Uh oh is right,” Tony shot back. “You mind telling me what the HELL you two were thinking?”

Peter and Harley glanced at each other nervously. “Okay,” Harley said, holding his hands up, “there are about four things you could be referencing right now, so which one-”

“The shield!” Tony exclaimed. “Why did you do the thing with the shield?!”

Peter rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Because it, uh, seemed like...fun?”

“Wrong answer,” Tony said through gritted teeth. He let out an exasperated sigh. “You flying in the air, I can understand,” he said, pointing to Peter. “But Harley could’ve been seriously hurt!”

“Yeah but I never would have been able to get Peter that high in the air-” Harley started, but Tony cut him off.

“Then you shouldn’t have been doing it IN THE FIRST PLACE!” Tony shouted as he slapped his hands on the island. Peter and Harley flinched back, and Tony immediately felt guilty. Sure, he was mad about the shield, but he was more angry at Steve right now, and he was taking it out on Peter and Harley. Howard yelled, and Howard was the last person Tony wanted to be.

The Avengers watched curiously as Tony closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” Tony said after a few seconds. “I shouldn’t have yelled like that.” He shook his head and brought his voice down another few levels. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you or for you to get hurt. Can you understand that?”

Peter and Harley nodded. “We’re sorry,” they said together.

“I forgive you,” Tony replied simply. “You owe him an apology too.” He pointed to Steve, who raised his brows in surprise at Tony.

“Sorry we messed around with your shield,” Harley said.

Peter nodded his agreement. “We won’t do it again.”

“I, uh, well...thank you,” Steve finally managed to say. He glanced at Tony, and the billionaire sent a brief glare back, daring him to say something about Peter being Spider-Man, but the super soldier kept quiet. “Thanks,” he said one more time.

Tony clapped his hands together, and went back to opening cabinets. “Now, if I can find a freaking coffee mug, Pepper and I will be almost done and then we can have our movie night.” Tony slammed the cabinet shut and worked his way down the row. “Seriously, what the hell? Where are the mugs?”

Peter and Harley bit their lips and tried to hold back snorts, but Bucky heard them. The super soldier crossed his arms and smirked at the teens.

“Do you two know where the mugs are?” Bucky asked.

Tony paused and slowly shut the cabinet door. “The weather is muggy today,” he murmured under his breath. He looked over at the teens sharply. “I swear on all that is good and holy, if I go outside and all the mugs are on the front lawn, I’m disowning you.”

Before Peter or Harley could come up with a witty reply, a massive crack of thunder shook the entire compound, and lightning flashed in the windows. All of the adults in the kitchen groaned and shook their heads.

“Why does he always have to make such an entrance?” Sam grumbled.

Steve glanced up at the ceiling. “FRIDAY, make sure the doors are open so Thor can get in. And tell him we’re up in the kitchen.”

“Please,” Peter and Harley, shooting Steve and unimpressed glare at his lack of manners towards the AI.

Steve’s cheeks tinged red, causing the others to chuckle. “Please,” he repeated.

“Done,” FRIDAY replied. “Boss, Thor has an injury to his side. It appears to be a stab wound. He might need medical attention.”

“Of course he does!” Tony yelped. “How could things get any more ridiculous around here?”

“Well…” FRIDAY said slowly.

“What?”

“Thor brought a guest with him. I think this guest would fall under the category of ‘ridiculous’, as you put it.”

Nat narrowed her eyes. “FRIDAY, who did Thor bring with him?”

That question was quickly answered as the elevator door dinged and opened. Two people were shouting at each other, their voices getting louder and louder as they got closer to the kitchen.

“You’re an absolute IDIOT!” Thor yelled angrily.

“Me?!” the other voice exclaimed. “How in god’s name am I the idiot?!”

Steve, Nat, Clint, and Tony paled at the second voice. Clint abandoned his coffee and hopped off the counter. “Was that…?” the archer asked, his shoulders tensing.

“Oh Jesus,” Steve whispered. “Tell me Thor didn’t…”

Thor finally rounded the corner, clutching his side. His hair was much shorter than anyone remembered, and a black eyepatch covered his right eye. Blood trickled between his fingers as his hand pressed into a wound on his side. His other arm was wrapped around the shoulder of none other than-

“What the hell is Loki doing here?!” Tony screeched.

Loki unceremoniously released Thor from his hold, causing the Asgardian to fumble and groan as he grabbed at the island for support. “Nice to see you too, Stark,” he said, his voice clipped.

“What happened?” Bucky asked, yanking a drawer open and grabbing clean dish towels. He tossed one to Nat who carefully removed Thor’s hand and pressed the cloth over his stab wound.

“It was a misunderstanding,” Loki said cooly.

Thor’s head snapped up. “Misunderstanding?! You stabbed me! Again!”

Harley and Peter’s wonderment over being in the presence of two gods finally slipped away. “Again?” they asked simultaneously.

Thor nodded. “You see, there was this one time when we were eight-”

Loki held up a finger. “One moment,” he said. “Since when do the Avengers hire children?”

Peter bristled. “Dude, not a child.”

“You’re practically an infant.”

“Coming from the guy who stabbed his brother,” Harley shot back. “Talk about acting like a child.”

A mischievous grin slowly took over Loki’s face. “I like them,” he decided.

Tony took his attention away from Thor to glare at Loki. “Back off, Loki,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Ahh,” Loki hummed. “They’re yours.”

“Really?” Thor asked, his wound momentarily forgotten. “I didn’t realize you had sons.”

“Long story,” Tony muttered. He snapped his fingers at Bucky, and another towel was thrust into his hands. He quickly switched the soiled rag for the clean one.

Thor smiled brightly at the teens. “Well, it’s very nice to meet you, sons of Stark.”

Peter blushed from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. Thor, an actual god, was talking to him! “Uh, it’s...my, uh, name’s P-Peter,” he managed to stutter.

Harley gave Thor a small wave. “Harley,” he added, his voice breathless.

Loki merely rolled his eyes at their fawning. “Ridiculous.”

Thor glared at his brother. “I should have left you on Sakaar.”

“You did leave me on Sakaar you insolent oaf!”

“Then I should have left you outside with Banner!”

“Wait!” Steve exclaimed. “Bruce is with you?”

Thor nodded, then winced as Tony pressed into his side. “Traveling through the Bifrost can be a bit taxing. He needed a moment to collect himself.”

“He was vomiting all over the front lawn,” Loki clarified.

“I feel like I’m missing something,” Sam said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And it certainly isn’t a headache.”

Loki clapped his hands together. “Well, while this has been fun, I must be leaving you.”

Tony held up a hand. “If you think for one second that we’re going to let a homicidal maniac leave this compound, you’ve lost your mind.”

“Now hold on!” Thor protested. “I know Loki’s made some errors in the past, but he’s reformed!”

“He stabbed you,” Nat said dryly.

Thor grinned sheepishly. “It’s a process?”

The others were so busy arguing with Thor that none of them noticed Loki sidle up to Peter and Harley. The god wrapped an arm around each teen’s shoulders and yanked them close to his chest.

“Hey!” Peter yelped. He tried to break free, but even with his super strength, Loki had a better grip, and he didn’t want to risk hurting Harley. Harley grunted as he tried to loosen the god’s hold on him to no avail. Loki chuckled at their efforts and opened his palms. Two small daggers materialized in his grip, and the teens stopped struggling as soon as the flat, cold metal pressed against their throats.

“Shit,” Harley whispered, swallowing thickly.

The entire kitchen went silent as everyone’s attention turned to Loki, Peter, and Harley. Tony’s eyes went wide, and his face paled.

“LOKI!” Thor yelled, his eye darkening in anger. “Let them go immediately!”

“As I said,” Loki replied calmly, “I’m leaving. Peter and Harley will show me out, and then we can all be on our merry ways.”

“Loki, if you even think about hurting them-” Tony growled.

Thor glared at his brother. “This is not the way to make reparations, you idiot.”

Loki’s eyes glinted. “Oh, but this is so much more fun!” He shifted his grip and started shuffling towards the side. Peter instinctively wrapped his fingers around Loki’s arm, trying to pull down the dagger, but it wouldn’t budge.

“H-How about w-we fight for it?” Harley joked nervously. “If P-Peter can knock you down, you let us g-go.” He whimpered as Loki turned the dagger so the edge was lined up with his throat. “Or not,” he whispered hoarsely.

“Leave him alone!” Peter yelped, stomping on Loki’s foot. The movement did nothing to phase Loki, and he rolled his eyes as if he were bored by the whole exchange.

Tony panicked as the situation slowly got more and more out of control. “Hey, hey, HEY!” he yelled, stepping forward as much as he dared. “Take me! I’ll go with you instead!”

Loki nodded impressively at Tony. “Your love for them is commendable. Which is why they’re the better bargaining tool in this situation, I’m afraid.”

Tony’s jaw tensed as he ran through possible scenarios in his head. Unfortunately, only one seemed to make the most sense. “It’s okay, kiddo,” Tony assured Harley in a shaky voice. He held up his hands and moved out of the way. “Let him through.”

“We can’t let him leave!” Nat snapped. “Tony, I don’t like it either, but-”

“We can and we will,” Tony said evenly. “Now back up.”

“Tony…” Steve said slowly.

“Cap, don’t make me ask again,” Tony shot back, his eyes never leaving Peter and Harley’s.

Steve cursed under his breath but backed away nonetheless. The others followed suit, and soon, Loki had a completely clear path out of the kitchen.

Peter’s fingers twitched at his webshooters, thinking of a way to fix this, but Tony saw the movement and quickly shook his head.

“Peter, don’t,” he ordered gently. “Just...just do what he says, okay?”

Peter blinked back frustrated tears, but nodded. It was his fault they were in this mess. If only he had listened to his stupid spider sense, then maybe he could have pulled-

Wait.

Peter wracked his brain over the few moments before Loki had captured them. His breath caught as he realized his spider sense never went off. Sure, it messed with him sometimes, but it always told him when danger was nearby. Even when it was stupidly nearby and sometimes when Peter was right in the middle of it. It wasn’t even going off now! That could only mean...

“As soon as I’m outside, I’ll leave them with Banner,” Loki promised, cutting off Peter’s train of thought. “It is in their best interest that you don’t follow.”

“We won’t,” Clint promised.

The Asgardian turning the daggers back so the flat edge was resting on their throats once more. He carefully guided Peter and Harley forward, slowly turning and walking backwards as they left the kitchen. The teens didn’t make it easy for him. They dragged their feet and pulled against him as much as they could without risking getting stabbed themselves.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Peter whispered as the kitchen faded from view.

“How can you say that?” Harley grunted as he struggled against Loki. “We’re currently being dragged around by a freaking murder-happy god!” Loki let out a slight huff as Harley’s elbow dug into his side.

“He’s not going to hurt us, though,” Peter said. “Are you?” He looked up at Loki and saw him tense his jaw.

In a quick motion, Loki dissolved the daggers and moved his grip to the back of their necks. “No of course not,” he said, waiting for the door to open. “I don’t hurt children. Even the annoying ones.”

Harley scrunched his nose. “Then why-?”

“Bargaining,” Loki shrugged. “And I wasn’t lying when I said it was fun.”

Peter and Harley glanced at each other and then back up at Loki. “You,” Peter said, “are so weird.”

“But kind of cool,” Harley added.

“Dude!”

“What?” Harley asked. “He is! Did you see how he made those daggers appear?”

“Yeah! Appear against our throats!”

“Well he wasn’t actually going to hurt us…”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Would you two shut up! I swear, Midgardians are so annoy-”

The elevator door dinged open to reveal a very pissed off Pepper Potts holding a baseball bat ready to swing. Peter reacted with lightning-fast reflexes and yanked Harley down as she swung with perfect aim at Loki’s head. The god was cut off as the bat connected with his skull, and he crumpled to the ground in an unconscious heap.

Pepper let the bat fall to the floor as Peter and Harley stared up at her in amazement. “Well,” she huffed, “that takes care of that.” She stepped out of the elevator, and the doors closed once more.

“Holy shit,” Peter whispered in awe.

Harley nodded in agreement. “That was the coolest-” He was cut off as Pepper pulled them up and wrapped them in the biggest hug of her life. Their faces smushed against each other as she held them in a death grip, almost trying to prove that they were actually okay.

“Tony!” she called over their heads. “I’ve got them!”

Footsteps came barreling down the hallway, and the teens were tackled once more as Tony hugged them too. Bucky and Steve pulled an unconscious Loki out of the way, while Thor hobbled over and leaned against the wall.

“Can’t...breathe!” Harley wheezed.

“Thank god you’re okay,” Tony whispered.

Peter groaned against his shoulder. “We won’t be if you both squeeze us to death!”

Tony and Pepper pulled back and began examining the teens for any visible injuries. Peter and Harley blushed furiously under all the attention.

“C’mon!” Harley hissed. “You’re embarrassing us in front of Thor!”

“And you’re going to let us,” Pepper said, brushing the hair out of his eyes.

Tony grinned at the baseball bat on the floor. “Nice swing, honey,” he complimented.

“Damn,” Clint whistled, kicking Loki with his foot. “Remind me to never piss you off.”

“Did you kill him?” Peter asked, poking his head around Tony.

Thor chuckled. “It takes much more than that to kill Loki. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

The elevator door dinged yet again, and everyone turned to find Bruce Banner stumble out with an armful of coffee mugs. He blinked a few times when he found everyone staring at him.

“Uh, hey,” Bruce said. “You, uh, left your coffee mugs on the lawn?”

Peter and Harley grinned sheepishly as Tony and Pepper glared at them.

“We told you it was muggy outside,” Harley said, his grin turning into a smirk. 

Peter smiled back. "Super muggy."

Tony shook his head as he and Pepper wrapped their arms around the boys before dragging them away from the others.

"And you two are super grounded," Tony laughed. 

Chapter Text

Clint was having a really good morning. He had managed to wake up after his third alarm, and he even took a shower (complete with shampoo and body wash) before 9am. He yawned and ran his fingers through his hair as he stepped into the kitchen for breakfast.

“Morning,” he said with a small wave. He grabbed a box of cereal and went to pour it into a bowl, but he got the nagging feeling that someone was watching him. When he turned his head, he found Nat, Steve, Bucky, and Sam gaping at him with wide eyes.

“What?” he asked self-consciously. “Do I have something on my face?”

Nat carefully put her spoon down and cleared her throat. “You going for a new hairstyle?”

Clint tried to look up at his hair, but it was short enough that he couldn’t even see random pieces falling over his forehead. “I mean, I used shampoo today.”

Sam shook his head in disgust. “That’s just gross, man.”

“Says the guy who barely has any hair!” Clint shot back. “You don’t need to wash it every day, it’ll get too dry.”

“He’s right,” Bucky said, nodding. “Three times a week is really all you need.”

“Zip, L’Oreal,” Sam muttered. “Still doesn’t explain why his hair’s blue.”

Clint laughed. “Someone dyed their hair blue? That's weird.”

Steve shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Clint, your hair is blue.”

Clint’s laugh died in his throat, and he quickly knelt down in front of the chrome-plated oven. His reflection showed a shock of blue hair on top of his head. “What the hell?!” he yelled. He ruffled up his hair. “Get it out! Get it out!”

The others cracked up laughing just as Peter and Harley walked in, and they joined the laughter.

“Dude, nice hair!” Harley snickered. Peter tossed him an apple from the fruit basket, and grabbed one for himself before sitting down at the complete opposite end of the island from the others.

Clint grumbled and cursed as he threw together the rest of his bowl of cereal. “Laugh it up,” he whined. “My roots are going to be the worst.”

“You could always buzz it,” Peter suggested. He pulled out his phone and rested it next to his food. “Do you mind if we play some music? Tony always lets us when we eat.”

“Uh, sure,” Steve replied. Peter and Harley bit back smiles as they chose a song and turned up the volume.

Yo, listen up. Here’s a story about a little guy who lives in a blue world. And all day and all night and everything he sees is just blue, like him-

Clint let his spoon fall to the counter with a clatter. “You little shits!” he exclaimed. “What did you do to my hair?!”

Harley put on his most innocent expression. “Whatever do you mean?” he asked, blinking his eyes a few times.

Nat glanced up. “FRIDAY, when did Peter and Harley access Clint’s room?”

“My apologies,” FRIDAY replied, although she didn’t sound sorry at all. “Any information about Peter and Harley is classified.”

“According to who?” Steve asked, raising a brow.

“Boss’s orders.”

“Mmhmm,” Steve hummed, taking a sip of his coffee. He immediately spit it out and gagged at the taste. “Bucky! I told you to pass me the sugar!”

Bucky shrugged and looked at Steve like he was nuts. “I did,” he replied, showing Steve the little container. Sure, enough, ‘sugar’ was inscribed on the front.

Sam grabbed the container, licked the tip of his finger and dipped it inside. “Salt,” he concluded after tasting a bit. “Someone switched out the sugar with salt.”

Everyone’s eyes turned to Peter and Harley, who were now microwaving a massive stack of french toast sticks they had dug out from the freezer.

“That’s a bummer,” Peter said with false empathy. “Kinda sucks finding out one thing isn’t really what you were expecting, doesn’t it?”

You could have heard a pin drop with how quiet everyone got. Steve’s face visibly paled, and he didn’t even come back with a retort as the teens grabbed their finished plate of french toast sticks and headed out of the kitchen.

“See ya later!” Harley called over his shoulder.

Sam let out a puff of air and looked at Steve sympathetically. “You just keep getting knocked down by a couple of kids. How’s your ego doing?”

Steve glared at Sam and shook his head. “Not now,” he mumbled, pushing the rejected coffee away.

“Do they even know what happened in Siberia?” Bucky asked quietly.

“No,” Steve replied.

“You better hope they never do,” Nat added. “Because based on the warm welcome we’ve been getting the last 18 hours, they’ll kill you if they find out.”

Steve sighed and traced the edge of his plate. “I know,” he practically whispered.

“Morning everyone,” Bruce said, interrupting Steve’s next train of thought. The scientist grinned at the pot of coffee and eagerly headed over to pour himself a cup.

“No Thor?” Sam asked.

Bruce shook his head as he held the coffee close to his face and inhaled, the rich scent practically waking him up. “He’ll be back later today. Something about a meeting so the Asgardians can live in Norway, I think?” He grabbed the container of sugar and poured some in his mug.

“You’re really going to need to catch us up on all that,” Clint said.

Bruce blinked at Clint, finally seeing him. “Why’s your hair blue?”

“Don’t ask,” everyone replied.

Bruce shrugged and took a sip of his coffee. His face screwed up and he spewed it all over the counter. “Oh my god!” he yelped. “What the hell was that?!”

“Oh yeah,” Bucky said, “don’t touch the sugar.”

“Now you tell me!”

“Both pranks,” Steve said, motioning to Clint and the sugar, “are courtesy of Peter and Harley.”

“To be clear,” FRIDAY interrupted, “there is no evidence to suggest that Harley and Peter did anything.”

“Yeah because you won’t rat them out,” Sam muttered.

“Really?” Bruce asked. “What’d you do to piss them off?”

“Both of them find you a threat to Boss,” FRIDAY chimed in helpfully. “They are very protective of him.”

“Like I said,” Nat added, “you better hope Siberia stays buried.”

Bruce blinked a few times, his exhausted brain trying to catch up.

“What happened in Siberia?”

After yesterday’s excitement with Loki, Tony and Pepper were hesitant to leave the teens to travel back to the city for the press conference that had been organized to clear up the rumors. They saw no reason in bringing Peter and Harley with them since it would most likely just add fuel to the rumor-mill fire. Even though the mischievous Asgardian was locked up temporarily until Thor finished his business and they could leave, Tony still didn’t feel right about the whole situation. It had taken two Lord of the Rings movies to calm him down last night, despite Peter and Harley trying to convince the adults that they were fine and completely unaffected by Loki’s bad decision-making skills.

“But he wasn’t going to hurt us!” Peter said desperately as Steve and Bucky dragged Loki towards the Compound’s reinforced “isolation rooms”.

“Yeah!” Harley agreed. “His idea of fun is just a little twisted, that’s all!”

“Hmm,” Tony huffed, unimpressed with their logic. “Forgive me if my trust in Loki is lower than the pits of hell.”

Thor was extremely apologetic. “You’ll have to excuse my brother,” he said. “Frost giants...different manners, you understand of course.”

“He nearly leveled New York City,” Nat replied dryly. “I think we’re beyond bad manners at this point.”

“Are we going to ignore the fact that he stabbed you?!” Clint asked incredulously.

“Ahh, yes,” Thor nodded. “I forget how small a human’s lifespan is. An event like New York is monumental in your history. For Asgardians, it’s merely a new month. As for the stabbing...well, as I said, it’s not like he hasn’t done it before.”

This train of thought did little to lighten anybody’s mood.

“Your family is really messed up,” Sam noted.

“Ha!” Thor scoffed, pointing to his eyepatch. “You should have met my sister.”

So now, Loki was locked away, the Avengers were going to hide away in a conference room to watch Tony and Pepper’s press conference, and Peter and Harley were free to cause more mischief around the Compound alone.

Well, almost anywhere in the Compound.

“Boys,” FRIDAY said gently, “you know I can’t let you in here.”

Peter and Harley both looked up at the ceiling camera with big, pleading eyes.

“But FRIDAY!” Harley protested, “Tony only banned us from working in the lab without him.”

Peter nodded enthusiastically. “Exactly! We’re not going to be working. Just, you know, snooping.”

“Plus,” Harley added before FRIDAY could make up her mind. “Dr. Banner is in the building if anything goes wrong-”

“Which it won’t,” Peter interjected.

“So, really, you’re not breaking any protocols by letting us in.” Harley paused before reaching down to pick up Nikola and Tesla. “Besides, the kittens really want to see the lab!” Both kittens meowed in response.

FRIDAY didn’t answer for a few moments, and Peter briefly wondered if they had broken the AI. “You cannot touch any chemicals or mess with the machinery,” she finally conceded. “This would fall under the category of ‘working in the lab’. Do we have an understanding?”

“Yes!” Peter and Harley exclaimed. They high-fived each other as the door to the lab slid open with a hiss.

Tony’s lab back in the city was impressive, but it was limited in just how big it could be. The lab at the Compound, however, was mammoth. As the lights flickered on, the lab seemed to continue forever. Glass partitions divided the it into various workspaces. Peter spotted a familiar looking workbench, and he eyed the abandoned gauntlets with envy.

“Hey look!” Harley exclaimed, pointing ahead. There were various capsules set in the walls, and the teens spotted variations of the Iron Man suit behind each glass enclosure.

“So cool,” Peter whispered, admiring Mark III. He glanced down the row and did a double-take as a glint of red and navy blue caught his eye.

He gasped when he saw the Iron Spider suit Tony had offered him months ago after the Toomes incident. Peter had felt no regrets saying no to the offer to join the Avengers, but as he looked at what could have been his suit, he felt a little bit of longing. A small ball of fur brushed against his leg, and Peter smiled as he picked up Nikola and continued to stare at his suit.

“Dude, that’s so awesome,” Harley said, standing next to Peter. Tesla meowed from his perch on Harley’s shoulder. “Why don’t you use that one?”

Peter shrugged. “Tony offered me a spot on the Avengers, but I turned him down. So I guess I kinda turned down this suit too.”

Harley looked at Peter incredulously. “Why did you turn it down anyway?” he asked. “Being a legit superhero would be amazing!”

“I guess…” Peter replied slowly. “I guess I wanted to keep helping the little guy for a while.” He gave Nikola a kiss on the top of his head, and the kitten purred in response.

Harley hummed to himself and glanced around, his gaze falling on a huge array of computer screens. They were thin and clearly high-tech, so Harley’s curiosity was piqued.

“Check these out!” he exclaimed, heading over to examine them. “Hey, FRIDAY, would turning on the computer count as messing with the machinery?”

“What do you plan on doing with them?” the AI asked.

“Be nosy,” Harley grinned.

He got his response when the center computer booted up. “I’ll allow you access to Boss’ videos.”

Peter quickly grabbed a rolling chair and slid over to sit with Harley. The two of them and the kittens sat eagerly in front of the screen as if waiting for a new movie to start. A younger version of Tony appeared, his hair a little darker and his skin a little more wrinkle-free. He stood in the middle of an unfamiliar lab, and his old arc reactor glowed brilliantly in the center of his chest. The date stamp at the bottom of the video put him in the year 2008.

“Day 11, test 37, configuration 2.0,” Tony said into the camera. “For lack of a better option, DUM-E is still on fire safety.” He turned and pointed a metal-covered hand at the robot. “If you douse me again, and I’m not on fire, I’m donating you to a city college.”

“Dude!” Harley gasped. “This was over ten years ago!”

Peter shut his eyes and briefly counted back. “I think this was his first test of the suit after Afghanistan!”

They watched in wonder as Tony flew around his lab for the first time and giggled as he fumbled awkwardly with what would become the future Iron Man repulsers.

As soon as the video was over, Harley reached out to touch the screen. When FRIDAY didn’t stop him, he tapped on another file.

The Mark 42 testing was just as humorous. Peter and Harley both groaned for Tony when one of his suit pieces slammed into his crotch area. Then, they exploded in giggles as a final piece hit Tony right in the butt, causing him to go flying and lose his entire suit.

“Aww, some things never change!” Peter laughed.

Harley wiped away tears from laughing so hard and leaned in towards the screen again. “Let’s watch more!”

And, oh boy, they did. But they weren’t always the good videos. Peter and Harley watched in horror as palladium poisoning slowly took over Tony’s body and triumphed with him as he created a new element. They yelled out when Thor grabbed him by the neck after the Ultron incident and then gasped as Vision was “born”.

They watched Tony work harder than anyone else they knew, and by the time Harley finished rolling through the various clips, they wanted more.

“Is there anything else?” Peter asked squinting his eyes at the screen. “Or do you want to go upstairs and watch the press conference?

“That’ll be weird,” Harley said. “We already know what they’re going to say about us anyway.” His tapped a few folder icons until he came across a video they hadn’t watched yet. “One more?” he asked.

Peter nodded. “One more.”

The computer screen flickered back to life as soon as Harley tapped the file. It showed grainy security footage from a dreary room that most certainly was not the lab. Peter and Harley watched Tony, Steve, and Bucky gather around a small computer screen.

“What are they watching?” Harley mumbled, leaning in closer to see. “FRIDAY, can you zoom in on that screen and increase the volume?”

The video within the video enlarged and took up the whole space. Peter and Harley jumped back when a car suddenly crashed into a tree. A motorcycle skidded to a stop next to the smoking car, and Peter let out a brief sigh of relief that someone was going to help the passengers.

The driver’s side door opened and a man collapsed onto the ground, crawling towards the road.

“Help my wife. Please. Help.”

But instead of help, the figure grabbed the man’s hair and yanked his head upward. Peter clutched Nikola to his chest nervously, and he didn’t need his spider senses to know that something was really wrong.

“Sergeant Barnes?”

“Bucky?” Harley whispered. “That’s Bucky?”

Peter waved his hand at Harley, signaling him to be quiet.

“Howard!”

Peter’s eyes widened as he finally recognized the person whose picture hung in Midtown’s hallway. “Howard...Stark?!” he exclaimed. “FRIDAY is that who this is?”

“Yes,” FRIDAY replied.

Peter and Harley both flinched as Bucky slammed his metal fist into Howard’s face one, two, then three times. They were shaking when Howard stopped moving after the last hit, and they knew he was dead.

“Howard!”

Bucky grabbed the neck of Howard’s suit and dragged him back into the car before slumping the body over the steering wheel. The teens cried along with the woman in the video as Bucky slowly stalked his way around the car to the passenger side.

“No…” Harley gasped. “No, don’t!” Tesla meowed unhappily as Harley tightened his grip, and the kitten wiggled out of his grasp to perch on his knees instead.

Bucky reached his hand through the open door and even though the video was grainy, Peter and Harley both knew what happened when the crying stopped.

The video went back to the dark room with Tony, Steve, and Bucky. Tony had lunged towards Bucky, but Steve stopped him.

“Did you know?”

“Say no,” Peter whispered. “God, please say no.”

“I didn’t know it was him.”

Harley’s breath hitched. “Oh my god.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Rogers! Did. You. Know?”

“Yes.”

The video cut out just as Tony slammed his repulsor fist into Steve’s face. Peter and Harley were shaken, tears still streaming down their faces.

“I...I don’t...how could…” Peter stuttered as he sat back in his chair in shock. Nikola reached out a paw and touched Peter’s chin, causing the teen to sniffle and hug the kitten close.

Tesla crawled back over and pushed his head under Harley’s chin. “Just...why?” Harley whispered as Tesla purred under him.

Peter took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he was no longer shocked or sad.

He was angry.

He shot up from his seat so quickly that Nikola had to hop over to Harley to avoid being pushed away in the rolling chair. Harley quickly picked up the kittens and followed after Peter as he stalked his way out of the lab.

“Peter!” Harley exclaimed. “Dude, wait!”

But Peter refused to wait. “FRIDAY, where are the others?” he asked, his voice dripping with venom.

“Second floor conference room,” FRIDAY replied.

Peter swerved left and slammed open the stairwell door before running up to the second floor, Harley and the kittens close behind.

“I know you’re mad!” Harley exclaimed. “But...just wait, would you?!”

Peter grabbed the handle to the conference room so hard that the entire door splintered off its hinges. Harley quickly dropped Nikola and Tesla before following him inside. Steve, Nat, Clint, Sam, Bucky, and Bruce stared at the teens in horror.

“What’s going on?” Steve asked, standing up from his chair.

Instead of responding, Peter clenched his hand into a fist and slammed it into Steve’s face. He used the full force of his strength, sending Steve flying back against the wall. A massive crack split down the drywall, and Steve groaned as blood gushed out of his nose. The others leapt to their feet, Bucky quickly going over to help Steve up.

"You...you ASSHOLE!" Peter shouted. "You KNEW and you said NOTHING?!" His eyes were blazing with anger, and his entire body was shaking. Steve tried to get up and explain, but Bucky gently held him down. 

"Peter," Bucky said carefully, "there's a lot you don't under-"

"If you finish that sentence," Peter threatened, "I'll put you through the wall too." Bucky swallowed thickly but kept his distance.  

"Kid," Sam started to say as he stepped forward, but Peter clenched his fist in a silent warning. 

Harley grabbed Peter’s arm and pulled him back before he could do any more damage. “Stay the hell away from Tony,” Harley told Steve with more bite than anyone had seen from him before. “Or next time I’ll let Peter keep going.” He yanked Peter out of the room, and the two of them went running down the hall.

They didn’t stop running until they reached their bedroom, and they quickly stuffed some clothes into their extra backpacks they had brought for vacation. Harley added the container of cat food to his while Peter grabbed a few cat toys before they both scooped up the kittens and headed out-

-running right into Loki.

“What the hell?” Harley gasped. “Aren’t you supposed to be detained or something?!”

Loki sneered at them. “When will anyone learn that Midgardian technology is not enough to hold me back?” He gave the teens a once over and noticed their red eyes and panting chests. “You’re upset,” he noted.

“We’re leaving,” Peter said defiantly. “So either move or I’ll move you myself. And I’m a much better opponent than technology.”

Loki raised his brows approvingly. “Where are you going?” he asked.

“Far away from here,” Harley replied. His eyes brightened as an idea formed in his mind. “You wanna come?”

Peter gave his friend a surprised look, but he said nothing to indicate that he would deny Loki from following them. In fact, his expression almost seemed hopeful when Loki made brief eye contact with him.

Loki pursed his lips and weighed his options before nodding confidently.

“Let’s go.”

Chapter Text

Pepper walked up to the podium confidently and stared down the room of reporters. The conference room was packed, and she smiled softly to herself at just how much they were going to be eviscerated by the end of the press release. The reporters all had recording devices held out, eagerly awaiting the biggest gossip story of the year.

“Good morning,” Pepper said cooly. “On behalf of Tony Stark and Stark Industries, we want to thank you for meeting with us today so we can clear up some nasty headlines that have been showing up in the media recently.”

Tony stood off the side of the stage, and he bounced nervously on his heels. Happy had to put a hand on his shoulder to stop him, and Tony nodded at him in relief.

“Before we begin,” Pepper said, “I’m just a bit curious...since when do journalists bring children into their mudslinging mess? Tony is used to the public and the headlines, but adding two teenagers into the mix was a new one for us.” Everyone stared at her in silence. “No answer for me? Well, then, let me make our official statement very clear. You all crossed a line by publishing images of two minors without their consent. Not only did you expose them to a world of ridicule, but you also ruined a perfectly good vacation, which both of them deserved because they work really hard in and outside of school. You caused unnecessary worry and anxiety for them, and I can promise you this: if any more articles are published about Peter Parker and Harley Keener, Stark Industries is going to take a very keen interest the journalism industry. We’ve always thought about expanding to mass media, and there are quite a few potential avenues to explore in this very room.”

She smiled brightly and watched in satisfaction as the reporters squirmed in their seats, clearly not as confident as they were when they entered the room.

“Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way,” Pepper said lightly, “Tony will answer a few questions. But I suggest you phrase them carefully.” She gave them one final glare before stepping back and handing the podium over to Tony.

He kissed her cheek. “Nice job,” he whispered.

“Just don’t say anything stupid,” she pleaded back. Tony pretended to look offended, but he gave her a reassuring smile before turning to face the wall of reporters.

“Well,” he said, holding his arms out, “let’s have it.”

The room exploded into noise as people began shouting over one another.

“Are Peter and Harley your biological children?” a man near the front of the room shouted.

Tony shook his head. “No, they are not.” The room gasped in surprise. “I met Harley a few years ago, and Peter is my intern.”

“Why are they currently living with you?” another woman asked. “Are they orphans?”

Tony bristled at the term. “No,” he replied sharply. “Both of them are staying with me while their parents and guardians are away for the month. In a little over a week, Harley will return to Tennessee and Peter will spend the majority of his time in Queens when he’s not working at Stark Industries and going to school.”

“Did you pull strings to get Harley admitted to Midtown?”

Tony shrugged. “He needs to go to school somewhere while he’s not in Tennessee. Going to the same school Peter made the most sense. He has the grades and test scores to get in anyway.”

“Will he finish out the school year there?”

Tony shook his head. “No, right now the plan is for Harley to return to Tennessee at the end of the month.”

“Why were you the most suited person to look after them?” Tony glared as he recognized Christine Everhart and her smug demeanor. “I mean, surely, your reputation precedes you with their parents?”

Tony took a deep, cleansing breath. “Sure, I have a reputation,” he admitted. “But people change. I’ve changed. And I can promise you, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for those kids.”

“So you’ve gone from playboy to father figure?” Everhart pressed on. “I mean-”

“I’m sorry,” Tony interjected, “are you going to let anyone else talk? Or are you just going to keep asking a different version of the same question?” He nodded towards another reporter, one Pepper had pointed out as being from a parenting magazine. “Your turn.”

The reporter smiled at Tony. “What are Peter and Harley like? Without divulging too many personal details, of course.”

Now this was something Tony could talk about. His posture relaxed as he tried to come up with a concise answer, but he couldn’t.

“They are,” he said warmly, “the best kids you could ask for. Both of them are so incredibly smart. And polite. You tell them to do homework, and they do. You tell them to go to bed, and they stay up late playing video games.” That earned him a few chuckles from the audience.

“What are their favorite hobbies?” another reporter asked.

Tony hummed thoughtfully. “Well, they both love Star Wars and LEGOs. They’re also brilliant in the lab. They help me tinker with different ideas and come up with things I haven’t even thought of before. Watch out. In a few years, I bet you’ll hear all about them after they’ve created something that’s going to change the world.”

“So they’re perfect?” someone chimed in with a smile.

“Nah,” Tony grinned. “They’re teenagers. They’ve given me more grey hair in two and a half weeks than I’ve gotten in my lifetime. But they’re pretty damn awesome.”

“Wow, Mr. Stark,” Christine Everhart said, the condescending tone in her voice hard to miss. “It sounds like you actually love someone other than yourself.”

Tony chuckled as he hit the top of the podium lightly with his fist. When he looked up again, his eyes were filled with a fiery determination. “I do love them,” he admitted. “Pepper and I both do. They might not be our biological kids, but we would be lucky if they were. And you can quote me on that.” He gave a brief nod and headed off the stage, despite the reporters continuing to scream question after question at him.

When he, Happy, and Pepper exited the room, Tony expected them to be thrilled with how well the conference went. What he wasn’t expecting, however, was the look of absolute horror on their faces.

“What?” he asked. “Did I screw up that badly?”

“T-Tony,” Pepper said in a shaky voice. He realized that she was clutching her cell phone in a tight grip. His heart dropped to his stomach.

“Something’s happened with the kids.”

Loki hated Midgardian vehicles. They were slow, clunky, and stayed way too close to the ground for his liking. Asgardian ships, even the small recreational ones, were much simpler to navigate and much more intuitive. And they certainly didn’t require stupid things like turn signals, which Loki still had not completely mastered. Plus Midgard was just so...vast. They had been driving for over two hours, and they had barely passed a town worthy of stopping in. They had no cell phones, no address point, no real sense of direction, and Loki was beginning to have no patience.

“You have to stay in the lane!” Peter exclaimed for what felt like the millionth time. Loki rolled his eyes as a car honked angrily at him. He was slowly beginning to regret following the teenagers on their foolish journey to...wherever it was they were going.

“Who is in charge here?” Loki asked, adjusting the steering wheel. “Me. So watch your tone.”

“Technically,” Harley pointed out. “We helped you break out, so we’re in charge.”

“I’m older,” Loki shot back.

“We’re smarter.”

Loki raised his brows. “Yes, it was very wise to punch Captain America in the face, steal one of your father’s cars, and run away without telling anyone. Oh! And breaking me out as you so eloquently put it. Let’s not forget that part.”

Silence.

Loki smiled smugly. “Exactly. I’m in charge.” He looked down the road at the endless expanse of trees before looking at the boys in the rearview mirror. They were clearly drained, their bodies slumped against the leather seats. The kittens were curled up in their laps, their heads bobbing as they watched the trees pass by.

“For what it’s worth,” Loki said quietly, “I think you’re going to cause your mother and father more worry than is needed. Whatever the good Captain did, it’s not worth that, is it?”

Peter sighed heavily as he stared out the window. “No,” he mumbled.

Harley looked relieved at Peter’s reply. Loki could tell that while Harley would support and help protect Peter to the ends of the earth, the teen was also a little more level-headed at this point.

“Listen,” Harley said to Peter, “I know you were with Tony in Germany right before all this happened. I know you’re mad.”

Peter shook his head. “You don’t get it. I’m mad at myself.”

“Why?”

Peter closed his eyes and scrunched up his face. “Because if I had been better, I could have stopped Captain Rogers instead of getting crushed by some stupid container. Then Tony never would have gone to Siberia and-”

“Whoa, hold on,” Harley cut in, holding up his hands. “So let’s say you stopped him in Germany. Then what? You don’t think Tony would have ever found out about this?” He shook his head. “Trust me, the truth always comes out.”

“He’s right,” Loki chimed in. “I tried ruling Asgard disguised as my father. People found out in the end.”

Peter and Harley blinked back at him. “These aren’t even remotely similar!” Peter exclaimed.

Loki rolled his eyes. “Are all Midgardian children so ungrateful? I’m trying to make you feel better!”

Harley chuckled. “You’re not doing a good job.”

“I should pull over and throw you out!” Loki exclaimed.

Peter spotted something up ahead and quickly leaned forward in his seat. “Actually, pull over there!” he exclaimed, shoving his arm dangerously close to Loki’s face.

Loki grumbled, but he pulled into the massive service plaza (using the left turn signal instead of the right, but it was progress). It was mid-day, so the parking lot was full of other cars, and families were bustling in and out. Harley’s mouth watered at the sight of the McDonald’s sign, but Peter had other plans.

“Wait here,” he said, getting out of the car. He made sure Nikola was on the seat before shutting the door behind him.

“Hang on!” Harley shouted after him. He patted Loki on the shoulder before opening his own door. “Keep an eye on Nikola and Tesla.”

“Do NOT leave me in here with these creatures!” Loki yelped, but he was met with a slamming door instead. He groaned as the kittens meowed at the loss of their humans.

Peter dug through his pockets and cursed his Parker luck when he came up empty. He stared at the phone booth, his goal, and sighed.

“Need one of these?” Harley asked from behind him. He held up two quarters, and Peter sighed in relief.

“Thanks,” he said gratefully. He opened the phone booth door, and held it open long enough for Harley to squeeze in with him. Peter took the phone off the hook, put one of the two quarters in, and held the phone between him and Harley as he dialed the number he knew by heart.

“Hello?” Aunt May’s voice asked a few seconds later. They could both hear people talking in the background.

“I punched Captain America!” Peter blurted out immediately.

“Peter? What...what number are you calling me from, honey? Hang on, did you say you punched Captain America?” There were shuffling noises and then the background noise disappeared as May moved somewhere quieter. “Start from the beginning,” she directed.

So, he did. Peter told her everything that they had seen in the lab and how it had led to that fateful punch. May listened patiently and without judgement.

“And now we’re at a service plaza somewhere in the middle of upstate New York, and we have no idea what to do,” Peter finished.

“Okay…” May said slowly. “We don’t have time to unpack all that, but let’s get to the most important things, okay?”

“Yeah,” Peter replied.

“Tell me why you punched him.”

Peter looked at the phone and scrunched his nose. “I did tell you!”

“No, you told me that you punched him. Not why.”

“I…” Peter took a few seconds to really think about it. “I was mad at him for hurting Tony.”

“And you wanted to make him hurt too?”

“Maybe,” Peter admitted, the feeling of shame creeping up his neck.

“I know how much Tony means to you,” May said, and Peter could hear the smile in her voice. “But honey, he knows that Steve knew. And do you really think Tony would let you and Harley around him or Sergeant Barnes if he thought you’d be in harm’s way?”

“But it was his mom and dad,” Peter whispered. “You don’t just...Tony’s his friend, Aunt May.”

May sighed from the other end of the phone. “Sometimes life isn’t that simple. There's probably a lot you don't know about the story.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, sweetie.”

Peter swallowed back tears and cleared his throat. “If I had known who killed Uncle Ben, but I hid it from you, wouldn’t you hate me too?”

May blew out a puff of air before answering. “I would be mad,” she admitted. “But, I would like to think that if you kept a secret like that from me, you had a good reason to do it.”

“Bucky,” Harley whispered. Peter looked at him curiously. “Steve was trying to protect Bucky.”

Peter nodded and leaned against the glass of the phone booth. “I think I messed up,” he said guiltily.

May laughed. “Kiddo, you probably broke the nose of the Star Spangled Man with a Plan.”

“Actually, I meant the running away part," Peter said, a small smirk pulling at his lips.

"PETER!"

"Fine!" he exclaimed, rolling his eyes. "And the punch. That was messed up too."

May laughed, but then her tone turned serious. “Call Tony, get him to pick you up, and apologize. To everyone,” May ordered.

“Yes ma’am,” Peter said, giving a fake salute and accidentally knocking Harley’s forehead.

A horn blared from across the parking lot, and Harley and Peter turned to find Loki slamming on the steering wheel and glaring at them from his parking spot. Harley threw open the door angrily.

“STOP HONKING THE HORN!”  he yelled. “THE NOISE IS BAD FOR THE KITTENS!”

Loki waved his arms at them and Harley gave him a finger to indicate that they needed one more minute. Although, by the smug look on his face when he turned around (and the look of absolute horror from nearby parents), Peter had a pretty good idea of which finger he used.

“Was that Harley?” May laughed.

“Yeah, that was me,” Harley replied. “Loud noises aren’t good for animals!”

“Hang on, how did you get to a service plaza?” May asked, realization dawning on her. “Who drove?!”

“Loki,” Harley said, but Peter gave him a quick shove and made a slashing motion at his own throat.

“Loki?” May gasped. “I’m sorry, did you just say Loki? Like, the asshole who destroyed half of New York City?!”

“No, no, no!” Peter said quickly, shooting Harley a death glare. “He meant that we low-key stole one of Tony’s cars!”

“Peter BENJAMIN Parker-”

“Gotta go, Aunt May!” Peter exclaimed. “Love you! I’ll text you when we’re home safe!” He slammed the phone back down and hit Harley on the shoulder. “Dude!”

“Sorry!” Harley yelped. “It just slipped!”

Peter rolled his eyes and held his hand out for another quarter, which Harley quickly supplied.

It was time to call Tony.

Chapter Text

“How the hell did you LOSE THE KIDS?!” Tony shouted as Happy drove the car faster than Speed Racer down the highway.

“We didn’t know they were gone!” Sam exclaimed. “After they punched Steve, they booked it out of here.”

“We figured they went to their room to cool down,” Nat chimed in. “But when Clint went to check on them, they were gone.”

Tony groaned and banged his fist against the dashboard. “Why didn’t you get FRIDAY to track them?!” he asked, barely disguising the anger in his voice.

“Tony, you’ve got some protocol barring FRIDAY from telling us anything about Peter and Harley,” Bruce said gently. “She called it the Papa Bear Protocol.”

Tony let out a breath, finally remembering the restrictions he placed on FRIDAY when it came to the teens’ privacy. “Shit...I, yeah...it’s just...”

“They know about Siberia, Tony,” Bruce added. “FRIDAY was able to tell us that much.”

Clint scoffed in the background. “Hell, even we pieced that together with the way the kid decked Cap.”

“CLINT!” the others yelled.

“How?!” Tony shouted over top of them. “How is that even possible? FRIDAY?”

“Peter and Harley found the security footage you had saved on your hard drive,” FRIDAY replied.

Tony’s face paled as everyone went silent. Except for Bruce.

“I got the summary of what happened,” he said, “but how bad is the foot-”

“It’s bad Bruce,” Tony practically whispered. “If they watched the whole thing, then...Jesus.” He flopped back against the seat. “Oh my god.”

Pepper pulled her cell away from her ear and shook her head. “They’re not answering their phones.”

He heard as shuffling noise on the other end of the phone as someone took it out of Bruce’s hand. “Tony, it’s Steve,” Steve said, his voice sounding slightly nasally from his broken nose. “I am so sorry about all this. But I promise we’ll find them.”

“Did you tell him about the other thing?” Tony heard Bruce ask.

“What other thing?” Tony asked slowly as Steve sighed.

“We didn’t want to worry you more…”

Tony closed his eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath. “The only thing that’s going to stress me out more is if you tell me Loki escaped on top of this.”

Silence on the line.

Tony’s heart dropped to his stomach. “Please tell me Loki didn’t escape.”

“Well…”

A beeping cut off Steve’s reply, and Pepper smacked Tony's shoulder impatiently.

“Answer it!” she exclaimed.

Tony quickly turned the phone call into a three-way conversation, and someone new came over a staticky line.

“Hello?” Peter’s nervous voice asked, causing Tony to slump back against his seat in relief.

“Peter! Are you okay? Is Harley with you? Is he okay? Where are you?” Tony stopped to take a breath after the last question.

“Yes. Yes. Is he ever really okay? And some service plaza on the highway.”

Tony nodded. “Good. That’s good.” And then he exploded. “What the heck were you THINKING?! You know what, don’t answer that. FRIDAY’s tracing your call right now, and we’ll be there soon. Do not move. Do you understand me?”

“Tony, I’m really sor-”

“I said, do you understand me?” Tony cut him off.

Peter gulped on the other end line. “Yeah.”

“We’ll see you soon,” Pepper said. “Just go inside and find a booth to sit at or something.”

“Okay. Bye.” There was a quick beep, and then it was just Tony and the Avengers left on the line.

“FRI?” Tony asked immediately.

“They are at the Angola Travel Plaza approximately three hours from here,” she replied. “I’m uploading the address to the GPS now.”

Steve let out a small gasp. “I know where that is,” he said. “It’s about two hours from the Compound. I can make it there in one on my motorcycle.”

Tony shook his head. “Steve, you don’t-”

“I want to,” the supersoldier replied firmly. “Then they won’t be alone as long.”

Tony drummed his fingers against the armrest and contemplated Steve’s offer. “Fine,” he conceded. “But it’s not going to take us three hours to get there.”

“I know.” Tony could practically hear Steve smiling on the other end. “See you soon.”

As soon as Tony ended the call, Happy slammed his foot on the accelerator, pushing all of them back in their seats.

“FRIDAY, alert us of any police cars nearby and get us the fastest route possible,” Tony commanded. He smirked at Happy. “Remind me to give you a raise.”

Happy raised a brow, but never took his eyes off the road. “You still owe me one for taking on two munchkins, remember?”

Tony laughed lightly. “You know, I could have sworn I gave you-”

“Nope.”

“FRIDAY,” Pepper asked suddenly, interrupting their banter, “why did you let the boys watch the video? You should have known it would cause the boys to be in distress. Something you’re programmed to help them avoid.”

“My job is to protect Boss,” FRIDAY replied automatically. “I observe and record everything that happens in the suit and at home.”

“And…?” Tony asked, waiting for a better answer.

“I do not have enough data to show that Captain Rogers made appropriate reparations with you.”

Tony cocked a brow. “So you emotionally traumatized two teenagers in order for them to, what? Punch Steve for what he did?”

FRIDAY paused for a few beats. “It’s possible I may have made a few miscalculations in my solution.”

“YOU THINK?!”

Loki glared at the two kittens peeking their tiny heads out of Peter and Harley’s backpack. The boys barely seemed to notice as they shoveled Big Macs and french fries into their mouths. They hadn’t eaten since the awkward breakfast hours ago, and being emotionally drained really brings out the appetite.

Harley waved a fry at Loki before dipping it into some ketchup. “How do you do that?” he asked.

“Do what?”

“You know, shape-shift.”

Loki looked down at her body. She still wore the same black jeans she had on when the boys asked her to leave. But her dreary black shirt was replaced by a deep, olive green tee, and her sharp jawline had rounded out a bit. Loki’s raven hair was also more precariously styled, and it fell in soft waves over her shoulders.

She shrugged. “I’ve always been able to do it.”

“And the gender part?” Peter asked curiously.

Loki had been expecting this question from the curious teens ever since she shifted in the car. She had known she couldn’t actually show her face in front of people, especially New Yorkers, so she was going to have to change her appearance anyway. But in terms of how she was going to change…

“Do you ever have days where you feel more one way than the other?” Loki asked. “It’s kind of like that for me. I usually take on my original male form, but there are times when I feel like female fits me better. Or sometimes nothing at all.”

Peter scrunched his nose and stuck a fry in Nikola’s face. The kitten eagerly licked the salt off the soggy potato, and Peter tossed the remaining bit into his mouth. Loki grimaced and had to remind herself that teenagers were vile creatures no matter what planet they lived on.

“So...” Peter said slowly, “it's a female time?”

Loki nodded slowly. “I’m feeling more...protective right now,” she admitted. “This form and gender felt natural.”

“Awww,” Harley beamed. “You do like us!”

“‘Like’ is such a fickle word,” Loki replied with a smirk. “It’s more as if I know my head will be served on a platter if anything were to happen to you two before your father gets here.”

Peter and Harley nodded gravely. “So true,” they said together.

“He’s gonna kill me,” Peter groaned, banging his head against the table. He lifted his head just enough to pull a few fries towards his mouth leaning back on the surface.

“He totally is,” Harley agreed. “You pulled a me like when I left Tennessee without telling anyone. Except you punched Captain freaking America too. That’s, like, way worse.”

Peter moaned against the table, and Loki rolled her eyes at his dramatics.

“In your defense,” Harley said thoughtfully, “you did learn that Tony’s parents were murdered and one of his best friends kept it a secret because his best friend was the one who did it.”

“Well when you put it like that…” a voice said from the side.

Peter, Loki, and Harley all looked up to find Steve Rogers standing in front of their table. He wore a black baseball cap and thick reading glasses partially covered the bruising on his face. It had already started to heal, but purple and green still peppered around his nose.

“What are you doing here?” Harley asked. Even though he was sitting against the wall in the booth, he put his arm in front of Peter protectively.

Steve held up his hands in defense. “I’m just here to wait with you until Tony gets here,” he replied. “I come in peace?” He gave them a small smile at his joke, but it fell as they continued to glare at him.

“We don’t need you,” Peter said, shoving more fries in his mouth in defiance.

Steve glanced warily at Loki, not recognizing her at all. “Well, I don’t feel comfortable leaving you with a stranger.”

Harley shook his head. “She’s not a stranger. That’s Loki.”

“Loki?!” Steve asked, raising his brow. “Are you serious?”

Loki merely waved him off. “No, I’m joking.”

“Wow,” was all Steve could say. “Okay then.” He pointed to one of the small tables nearby. “I’m just going to sit over there.”

They all watched him walk over to the table, but before he could sit down, Peter called out.

“Wait!”

Steve stopped and turned around, trying to keep the hopeful expression off his face.

Peter nodded towards the empty spot next to Loki. “You can, uh...you can stay,” he finally said.

Steve tried to hide his smile of relief through a cough, but he wound up wincing as pain shot through his nose. He let out a small whimper as he sat down in the booth. He was much broader than Loki, so the Asgardian was smushed up against the wall.

They all sat in an awkward silence as Peter and Harley kept feeding the kittens part of their fries and Steve fiddled with his hands.

“Were you able to see all of it?” Steve asked quietly. “I mean, FRIDAY was able to tell us a little...” His voice trailed off and he looked up at the teens.

Peter felt tears prick his eyes. “We saw the whole thing,” he admitted, his voice raspy.

“Jesus,” Steve whispered. He shook his head gently. “I am so, so sorry.”

“For what?” Harley asked before Peter could. “For what you did or that we watched Bucky murder Tony’s parents?”

“All of it. I’m so sorry for all of it.”

Peter swallowed thickly. “He was your friend,” he said softly. “Why would you do that to your friend?”

Steve opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to think of the right thing to say. “I was trying to protect another friend. Bucky...I spent years thinking Bucky was dead. And I find out that not only was he alive the entire time, but he was manipulated and brainwashed into being a puppet for Hydra.” He looked Peter and Harley in the eyes. “He did some really horrible things to a lot of innocent people. Including Tony’s parents. I just...I thought I was protecting him. I thought I was protecting them both.”

“They were his parents,” Peter said quietly.

“I know.”

“Your apology sucked,” Harley added.

“I kno-wait.” Steve scrunched his face and then winced again. “How do you know that?”

Harley sucked more soda out of his cup. “Well, obviously FRIDAY wouldn’t have let us watch it if it was really a non-issue. So clearly, you did something wrong.”

“Yes,” Loki said, finally weighing in. “How did you apologize to our iron friend?”

“Oh, he sent me a nice letter, and a stupid dinosaur of a cell phone,” Tony quipped from behind them.

Peter and Harley carefully handed their backpacks off to Loki so he could watch over the cats before practically jumping out and tackling Tony in a hug.

“Don’t you ever do that again,” Tony whispered, squeezing them tightly. He felt them shake against him as they cried.

“W-Which p-part?” Harley sniffled against his shirt. “The r-running away or th-the punching?”

Tony chuckled against their heads. “Definitely the running away. We were so scared.” He pulled back and wiped the tears from their cheeks. “Are you okay?”

Peter shook his head. “Tony I...I’m so…” He tried to hold back another sob, but Tony was pulling him in again for another hug.

“Shhh,” he said soothingly, running a hand through Peter’s hair. “I’m okay, kiddo.” He held his other arm out for Harley, and the other teen eagerly went back into his embrace. “I’m okay.” He tugged them over to the booth and sat down so he was in the middle of them.

“Listen to me, alright?” Tony asked, his arms still wrapped around their shoulders. “I forgave Steve. I’m still angry, don’t get me wrong. But I forgave him.” He sighed. “I know what it’s like to have someone mess with your mind. To have it blended and manipulated until you don’t know what’s real or fake anymore. I...blame Bucky...but I also don’t. It’s...it’s complicated.” He glanced at Steve as he said it.

“Yeah,” Steve replied quietly. “Complicated is one way to put it.”

“But,” Tony continued, “I’m okay. And you never, ever should have seen that footage. FRIDAY messed up big time, and I’m sorry.”

They all sat in silence, Peter and Harley clinging to Tony like a lifeline as he rubbed tiny circles into their shoulders and pressed the occasional kiss to their heads.

It wasn’t until Nikola and Tesla began meowing incessantly to be let out of their backpack prisons that Loki decided to speak up.

“As charming as this has all been,” she said, cringing as the kittens tried to paw at her, “can someone please take this vile things away from me?”

Tony blinked a few times, finally noticing that a mysterious new person was even in the booth with them. “Uh, who the hell are you?” he asked.

“Loki,” Peter, Harley, Steve, and Loki replied.

Tony gaped at the Asgardian. “You son of a bitch! How did you even get out? And what happened to your...face?”

Peter smirked and wiped his face on his sleeve. “When are you going to realize that Midgardian technology isn’t enough to restrain her.”

“Her?”

“Yeah,” Harley replied. “She’s a shapeshifter, remember? That means gender too.”

Tony sighed wearily, thoroughly exhausted by the day’s draining events. “I know you don’t listen to directions very well, but will you please get in the goddamn car?”

Loki rolled her eyes. “You know, I only left your sacred Compound to make sure these two buffoons-”

“Hey!” Peter and Harley protested.

“-didn’t get themselves killed! They’re exhausting, you know that?!”

“Oh believe me,” Tony chuckled, “I know.” He gently pushed Peter out of the booth and then crawled out after him. “Take the kittens and go outside. Happy and Pepper are waiting.”

Peter and Harley gave him one last hug before relieving Loki of kitten-sitting duty and heading outside. Tony stretched and nodded a brief thanks to Loki as she left as well. When Steve stood up and got closer, Tony saw just how much damage Peter had done.

“Damn,” Tony whistled. “Kid got you good!”

“He loves you,” Steve said. “They both do.”

“And they both owe you an apology,” Tony replied.

Steve shook his head. “They were protecting their dad. I can’t blame them for that.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “I can blame myself for something, though. Tony...I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. And I’m sorry things ended the way they did in Siberia. It should have been different...I should have done them differently.”

Tony took a deep breath, the feeling of acknowledgement filling him with closure he didn’t know he needed. “I forgive you,” he replied. “And I forgive him.” He held out his hand and Steve shook it eagerly.

Tony took the opportunity of their close proximity to gently smack Steve on the face a few times, and felt a teeny, tiny bit of satisfaction when Steve hissed in pain.

“Good talk, Cap!” Tony said cheerily as he headed outside. “Glad we got all that cleared up!”

Steve shook his head but grinned as he jogged to catch up.

Chapter Text

Peter and Harley tiptoed quietly out of their room and snuck into the kitchen. They had set their alarms extra early with the plans to make an “I’m Sorry” breakfast for the entire team. Tony hadn’t yet specified what their punishment was for punching Steve and stealing the car, but they figured they could get a head start with pancakes and eggs.

After Peter failed miserably at cracking the eggs and getting shells in the frying pan, Harley relegated him to pancake duty. All he had to do was add water to the pancake mix and stir the batter, which was much more up his alley.

“Hey, FRIDAY,” Harley asked. “How much food should we make?”

“Based on previous eating habits, you might want to quadruple your current quantity,” she replied.

Peter whistled, but got out more pancake mix anyway. “I bet the grocery bill is through the roof here!”

“Well,” Harley said, “you’ve got two super soldiers who already eat more to begin with, a bunch of assassins who probably burn a lot of calories just because...well...assassins, am I right? And now Thor and Loki are here.” He stared at the sizzling eggs with a dreamy look on his face. “I bet Thor needs so much food to maintain those muscles.”

“Mmmm,” Peter hummed in agreement. “They’re huge! His arm muscles are literally almost as big as my head!”

“Woooowwww,” Clint’s voice said from behind them. “Hero worship much?”

Peter and Harley both yelped in surprise as Clint meandered into the kitchen, his hair sticking up everywhere. He yawned and grabbed at the plate of pancakes that Peter had already finished, but the teen smacked his hand away.

“Dude!” Peter protested, dragging the plate out of Clint’s reach. “You’ve gotta wait for everyone else!”

“But I’m hungry now!” Clint whined.

Harley rolled his eyes and pointed to the coffee maker. “Do you want some of that to hold you over?”

Clint nodded wildly, so Harley handed Peter his spatula and set up the coffee maker. Soon, the brilliant aroma of coffee beans filled the air, and Clint perked up considerably.

“I get an actual mug?!” Clint gasped dramatically as Peter filled one for him. “You mean no more bowls?”

“Ha ha,” Peter said dryly. “You know, you could help by setting the table.”

Clint shook his head as he took a sip of coffee, then coughed as he burned his tongue on the hot liquid. “You’re doing such a good job, why would I ruin it?”

“He’s got a point,” Harley smirked.

“Hey!” Clint exclaimed. “You know what, just for that?” He pushed himself away from the island and yanked some plates out of a cabinet. He muttered to himself about “ungrateful brats” before disappearing into the dining room to get the table ready for breakfast.

“Genius,” Peter whispered to Harley, who gave him a cheeky thumbs up in return.

Soon, the pancakes and eggs were done, so Peter and Harley cut up some fruit and got out juice. By now, Steve and Nat had wandered down, so they helped bring the food out to the table.

“This looks amazing!” Steve said with a bright smile. His face was almost completely healed, save for a few splotches around his nose.

“See?” a new voice asked. “I told you I smelled something good!” They all turned to find Sam, Bucky, Thor, Bruce, Tony, and Pepper walking into the dining room.

“Wow,” Tony said appreciatively, “you really went all out, huh?”

Nat pointed at the teens. “This was all them.”

Pepper walked over and placed a kiss on each of their foreheads, causing them to turn bright red. “Thank you,” she said. “This is awesome.”

“Yes!” Thor exclaimed, banging his fist on the table. “A most delicious feast to celebrate your safe return!”

Bucky nodded at Peter and Harley shyly. “Thank you,” he said. The teens gave him tentative smiles in return.

As they all sat down to eat, Loki finally graced them with his presence. The others stared at him warily as he sat down and shoveled food onto his plate, and Thor looked especially murderous. He hadn’t gotten back until late the previous evening, and he was not happy with his brother’s attempt to escape.

“What?” Loki snapped as they continued to look at him.

“You, dear brother,” Thor said, stuffing a pancake in his mouth, “are an idiot.”

“Says the one talking with a mouth full of food,” Loki muttered.

“Boys…” Nat warned.

“I cannot believe you tried to escape!” Thor yelled. “After all-”

“It was our fault!” Peter and Harley yelled at the same time.

The table got silent as everyone’s eyes swiveled over to them.

“We made-” Peter stopped and glanced at Loki. “Pronouns?”

“He and him,” Loki replied.

Peter nodded. “Thanks, just checking.” He turned back to the others. “We made him come with us!” Peter added. “We swear!”

Tony eyebrows shot straight up in the air. “You forced Loki, the god of mischief, to come with you?” he asked.

Harley nodded. “We can be super persuasive.”

“He literally tried to kidnap you two days ago,” Sam said.

“Misunderstanding,” Peter replied with a shrug.

Clint just shook his head. “I am never going to understand teenagers.”

Thor glared at his brother. “Are you going to sit here and let these two take the blame for your actions?”

“No, of course not,” Loki said, shocking them all. “Yes, I escaped from your meager holdings. Yes, I ran into Peter and Harley as they were leaving. They looked upset, so I went with to keep them from doing anything stupid.” He smirked at the teens. “They can be quite daft.”

“Dude!” Harley yelped.

“So not cool,” Peter added.

Loki merely shrugged and continued to shovel food in his mouth, ending the conversation. Tony thought about extending the argument, but he was in no mood to deal with Loki and his loopholes.

As everyone finished eating, Peter and Harley quickly began to clear away all of the food and dishes. They brought it all back to the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher and started hand-washing all of the pots and bowls they had used to make the food.

“We can get that,” Steve offered, carrying in a few stray dishes. “Since you two made everything.”

Peter and Harley shared a glance before shaking their heads. “We’ve got it!” they both exclaimed.

Tony leaned against the door, eyeing the teens curiously. “I think Bruce was going to head down to the lab and check out some of my upgrades to the suit,” he said, baiting them.

The teens looked ready to crumble, but they still shook their heads.

“Really?” Tony asked. “You’re passing up a chance to work with the Dr. Bruce Banner?”

“It’s just…” Peter said slowly. “Don’t we have more to do?”

“What do you mean? Do what?”

Harley shrugged. “You know, for our punishment?”

Tony felt his heart sink. Peter and Harley had just gotten over dealing with the Siberia footage, and here they were preparing to get punished. Before he could say anything, Peter barreled on.

“We know it was wrong to, uh, well, you know...punch Captain Rogers,” Peter said sheepishly.

“Plus we did kind of steal a car,” Harley admitted. “And help Loki break out.”

“And this is way worse than me lying to my aunt about staying with you and Harley traveling across the country by himself,” Peter continued.

Harley nodded. “So we know there’s a punishment waiting.”

Tony took a deep breath and then walked over to the teens and gently took the dishes out of their hands before placing them on the counter. “C’mon,” he said, wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders.

“We’ve got the rest of the dishes,” Steve promised as Clint and Sam walked into the kitchen.

“Aww seriously?!” Clint whined.

Tony paid him no mind as he guided the teens to the living room and sat them down on the couch. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Peter and Harley resting on either side of him.

“Listen,” Tony said softly, “normally, I’d agree with you. What you did was so wrong.” He felt the teens flinch against him, and he hugged them tighter. “But,” he continued, “you were reacting to something extremely stressful and traumatic. And no one, not even Steve, is blaming you for that.”

“So,” Harley asked tentatively, “we’re not going to have to clean a whole floor again?”

Tony chuckled. “Not unless you want to.”

“NO!” they both exclaimed.

“Didn’t think so,” Tony smirked. He ruffled up their hair, causing them to groan. “So, what do you want to do today? It’s still technically vacation. We can do anything you want.”

“Anything?” Peter looked up at Tony hopefully.

“Anything,” Tony promised.

Peter and Harley grinned at each other and then hopped off the couch, their excitement building. Harley clapped his hands together and grinned like an evil genius.

“We’ve got the perfect idea!”

Tony put his head in his hands and groaned. “This is the most ridiculous idea ever!”

Bruce patted him sympathetically on the shoulder. “You did tell two teenagers they could do anything they wanted.”

Tony stared at Peter and Harley as they attached some modified vest thing to Thor and instructed him to lay face down on the ground. They had gone outside into one of the open training fields for more space, and there were a bunch of drones and parts lying in the short grass. It had been almost six hours since they had finished breakfast, and the only break they had taken was to eat a quick lunch Pepper had brought out and suggested demanded they eat.

“They have access to multi-million dollar equipment, and they want to play with drones,” Tony said in disbelief. “All freaking day.”

“Drones are cool,” Bruce defended.

“They’re using the drone to make Thor fly like Superman,” Tony deadpanned.

“Superman is cool?” Bruce tried. He held up his hands as Tony gave him a desperate look. “Or not!”

Clint chuckled as he and Bucky came out with lawn chairs and bowls of popcorn. Tony gave them both a nod of acknowledgement before turning his attention back to the teens.

“So how does all this work?” Clint asked, tipping back his head and catching a piece of popcorn he had thrown in the air.

“It’s actually pretty ingenious,” Tony admitted grudgingly. “They tested and figured out how much weight each drone can carry and then figured out how many drones they would need to carry Thor.”

“What’s that thing on Thor?” Bucky asked, leaning forward.

“Harness to attach the drones,” Bruce replied. “Now they’re just working on the code. They need to get all of the drones to talk to each other.”

Clint whistled. “They did all this since breakfast?”

Despite the ridiculousness of the plan, Tony couldn’t help but feel his heart swell with pride. “Yeah,” he grinned. “They’re something else.”

Bruce smiled as he stole some more popcorn from Clint’s bowl. “They definitely inherited that from you,” he commented.

Tony furrowed his brows a bit, but then something clicked in his brain. “Hey, did you guys watch the press conference?”

Clint shook his head. “Never got a chance after Sir Punch A Lot decked Cap. We were all pretty freaked when they disappeared with Loki.”

Aha, so they still thought Peter and Tony were his sons. Tony let a small smile pull at his lips, but didn’t say anything about it. They could have some fun with that later. “Speaking of,” he said, “where is the troublemaker?”

“About to have a front row seat to this disaster,” Loki replied, suddenly appearing next to them. He waved his hands and a small lawn chair appeared. He slid on a pair of sunglasses and sat down, ready for a show.

“How’s it look?” Tony called over.

Peter hooked up his last drone and gave him a thumbs up. “We’re almost good to go!” he yelled back.

“You ready, Thor?” Harley asked, tapping away on his StarkPad.

Thor lifted his head and gave them a thumbs up. “I am quite ready!” he exclaimed. “Do I just need to lay here? What should I do with my arms?”

Harley double checked all the drones before grabbing his own StarkPad. “You can keep them at your sides or in front of you. Whatever you do, though, make sure it’s even. We don’t want to mess with the weight distribution.”

“Drones 1 through 3 look good,” Peter said, his eyebrows scrunching together in determination.

Harley nodded. “Same with 4 through 6.”

They both gave each other a thumbs up and pressed their screens. The drones began to whir to life, the sound of buzzing bees filling the air. Thor stayed perfectly still as the blades spun faster and faster right above him.

Peter held up his fingers and counted down. “Ready for liftoff in 3...2...1...now!”

They tapped the screens again and the drones began to ascend slowly in the air. They met some resistance as they pulled on the harness, but Peter and Harley had done the math right. The drones lifted Thor completely off the ground, and he hovered steadily in the air.

“Oh my god!” Harley exclaimed, jumping up and down. “It worked!” He looked over to Tony and began waving his arms. “Tony! It worked!”

“Nice job!” Tony praised.

“Waitwaitwait!” Peter shouted. “Let’s see if we can fly him around!” He pulled Harley around in front of Thor, and they began walking backwards and dragging their fingers around their screens.

Clint leaned over and lowered his voice to a whisper. “They do know Thor can sorta fly on his own, right?”

Tony shoved his head away. “Don’t you dare ruin their moment!” he threatened.

“Wouldn’t dream of it boss,” Clint chuckled, leaning back in his chair. Tony took the opportunity to pull back on Clint’s chair, causing him to fall back on the ground. The archer tossed a few pieces of popcorn at him in retaliation.

“Tony, watch!” Peter called. “We’re going faster!”

Tony cupped his hands around his mouth. “I’m watching!”

Peter and Harley increased the speed, and soon, they were lightly jogging to keep up with Thor as he flew.

“Let’s turn!” Harley ordered.

Peter nodded in agreement, and they both swiped on their StarkPads. The only problem was, they hadn’t mutually decided on a direction. So, while Peter turned his drones to the left, Harley turned his to the right.

“Oh crap!” Peter exclaimed as Thor spun around in a manic circle. “Other way!”

“You go the other way!” Harley shouted. “It’ll balance-”

They were both cut off as the drones made an awful whirring noise that sounded decidedly less pleasant than the buzz from earlier. Tony watched as the two top drones began smoking and wobbling from the extra exertion. They both died at the same time, and Thor’s shoulders fell forward while the rest of the drones continued to fly on. He was dragged through the grass while Peter and Harley tried to stop the drones.

“Stop them!” Harley broke out into a sprint to catch up with Thor.

“They’re not responding!” Peter cried out.

“Oh crap,” Tony muttered, running to try and help them. The drones had a mind of their own now, and he chased Thor all around in circles. “Thor! Use your lightning!” Tony huffed, trying to reach out and grab him.

“I don’t want to damage your technology!” Thor exclaimed.

“Just do it!” Tony stopped and stuck out both his arms, and the teens ran into him.

The sky immediately turned dark, and there was a quick flash of lightning that crashed right on top of Thor. Peter and Harley watched in amazement as the drones smoked and died. Thor grunted as he got up, pieces of dirt and grass falling out of his hair. He fiddled with the clasp on the homemade harness until it fell to the ground.

Loki and Clint were cackling as they practically fell out of their lawn chairs. Bruce and Bucky chucked popcorn at them, trying to get them to be quiet.

Thor hobbled over to Peter and Harley, and Tony could feel them shaking against his arm. 

“We are so sorry,” Harley said to Thor.

“Are you okay?” Peter asked, his face pale.

Thor cracked his neck and rolled his shoulders a few times to try and get the remaining grass off his body. When he made eye contact with the teens, a bright smile took over his face.

“That was WONDERFUL!” he boomed happily. “Nice job!”

Harley and Peter’s jaws dropped in disbelief.

“B-But we messed up!” Peter protested.

Harley nodded. “Yeah, dude, you totally ate dirt!”

Thor laughed and moved Tony’s arms out of the way so he could firmly grasp their shoulders. “But you did so well up until that point! And clearly you learned what not to do next time! So, can you really call it a failure?” When they didn’t respond, he shook them a bit. “Well?” he asked again.

“No!” Peter and Harley replied enthusiastically.

Thor smiled proudly. “And I’m sure your father would agree.” He gave Tony a pointed look.

“Oh! Right!” Tony cleared his throat. “Yeah, do you know how many times I ate dirt or hurt myself trying new suits?”

“Yeah,” Peter giggled. “We watched most of them.”

“Some of those places looked pretty painful too,” Harley snickered.

Tony gently knocked them both on the back of their heads. “Disowned,” he joked. “Both of you.” He pointed to the spot where the harness and the drones were still sitting in a smoking pile. “Go grab that and bring it back to the lab. We’ll see if we can salvage them for parts.”

“Sorry about the drones,” Peter said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“No worries,” Tony shrugged. “Accidents happen. Next time, communicate your directions a little better, okay?”

The teens both nodded before running off to collect the broken drones and take them inside. They gave each other mischievous grins before running full speed right at Loki and Clint, who were still laughing at the mishap. Clint was the first to spot the teens.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” he yelled, holding his arms up. He let out an ungodly scream as Peter vaulted right over him, barely even grazing his messy hair.

Loki, meanwhile, managed to jump out of the way just in time as Harley played a dangerous game of chicken.

“BRATS!” he roared after them.

“Don’t we know it!” Harley yelled back gleefully.

Loki pointed at Tony as he glared. "They get it from you, Stark. You know that don't you?"

Tony merely grinned back.

Chapter Text

The thing about sharing a room with someone is that privacy is pretty much non-existent. So, when Harley woke up crying and shaking from a vivid nightmare, he wasn’t alone. By the time he was fully aware of his dark surroundings, Peter had enveloped his shoulders with a soft blanket and was rambling to try and get his mind away from whatever had plagued his dreams.

“Your name is Harley Keener and you’re safe at the Compound,” Peter repeated for the fifth time. When he saw Harley’s glazed eyes finally flicker in recognition, Peter changed his tactics.

“Repeat it for me, yeah?” he asked. “My name is Harley Keener…”

Harley swallowed thickly, another shudder going through him. “M-M-My nam-name is Harley Kee-Keener…”

“And I’m safe at the Compound.”

“And I’m...I’m s-safe at the Compound.”

Peter nodded encouragingly. “Okay good. A few more times, okay?”

They kept it up, parroting each other until Harley’s breathing had slowed down and his body stopped shaking. His sweat-drenched t-shirt clung to his skin, and he got goosebumps as the fabric got cold against him.

Without needing to be asked, Peter got off of the bed and fished a clean sweatshirt out of Harley’s suitcase and tossed it next to him on the bed. Harley gave him a small grin before ditching his sweaty shirt in favor for the new one.

“Boys,” FRIDAY said, her voice low in the late morning hour, “my sensors indicate that Harley appears to be in distress. Would you like assistance from Boss?”

“No,” Harley croaked, shaking his head. “Please, no.”

Peter bit his lip but decided not to fight him on it. “We’re okay, FRIDAY. You don’t need to call Tony.”

“Let me know if you change your mind,” she replied. Then all was quiet except for the sounds of Harley’s steadier breathing.

“Nightmare?” Peter finally asked, his voice quiet.

Harley nodded.

“Siberia?”

Harley’s gaze shot up. “How did you know?”

Peter cleared his throat and Harley could see a faint blush rising in his cheeks in the dark room. “You, uh, were yelling for Tony to watch out. And you kept saying “don’t hurt them” so…” His voice trailed off.

“I...I know he says he’s okay,” Harley whispered, “but…”

“Yeah,” Peter nodded. “But.” He sniffed and swiped at his face before staring down at the streak of moonlight that cut through the floor of their room. Suddenly, he got an idea, and he tugged on Harley’s sleeve. “C’mon,” he said, gently guiding him towards the hall.

The Compound was quiet as they made their way to the kitchen. Peter pulled out one of the island stools, and made Harley sit on it while he grabbed mugs and hot chocolate mix. Peter put the kettle on and then dug around in the pantry until he pulled out a package.

“Marshmallows?” he asked, holding up the bag of fluffy goodness.

Harley managed a small smile as he pulled his sleeves over his hands and nodded. “Duh.”

Peter grinned and got busy putting some marshmallows in the bottom of the mugs along with the mix. The kettle whistled impatiently as it boiled, and soon, the scent of chocolate filled the kitchen. Peter poured and mixed with precision before carefully sliding the mug over to Harley.

“Thanks,” Harley mumbled. He let his fingers peek through his sleeves as he gripped the mug, warmth seeping through to his skin. He shivered, thinking about the snow that covered the ground in the security footage, the snow that had to have been soaking Howard Stark’s pants right before he-

Peter gripped the island counter and turned to face the doorway. “Someone’s coming,” he said quietly.

“What?” Harley asked, his thoughts interrupted before they could get any worse. “I don’t hear anyone.”

Peter tapped his ears and smirked. “Super hearing.”

Sure enough, thirty seconds later, Bucky Barnes walked into the kitchen with a yawn. His hair was ruffled and sticking out all over the place. His black, vibranium arm glinted in the low lights, and it was weird seeing him in sweatpants and a white t-shirt. He rubbed at the dark circles under his eyes and stopped in his tracks when he saw Peter and Harley already sitting at the island. They eyed him warily, and he took a deep breath to calm his suddenly beating heart. He hadn’t been alone with the two of them since...well ever, and he didn’t want to freak them out after the incident. Peter and Harley tried not to stare at him, but Bucky caught their glances as he grabbed a mug from the cabinet.

“Water still hot?” he finally asked, cocking his head towards the kettle. The teens both looked up in surprise and nodded. Bucky felt a little bit more confident as he poured some water into his mug before dipping a small tea bag inside. “You two are up late.”

“So are you,” Peter pointed out. Harley hunched his shoulders in and got back to the business of focusing on his mug of hot chocolate without actually drinking it.

Bucky eyed Harley carefully before answering. “Couldn’t sleep,” he finally replied.

Harley’s head perked up. “Really? Why?” He blushed, trying to cover up his nosiness. “I mean, uh, not that it matters or anything…”

Bucky gave them a small smile. “It’s okay. Sometimes I just can’t sleep. Other times it’s nightmares.”

Peter’s eyes widened as he sipped his hot chocolate. “You get nightmares?”

“Yeah,” Bucky scoffed. “All the time. After what I’ve-” He stopped the sentence in its tracks and bit his lip. He exhaled and cleared his throat. “Yeah, I get nightmares.”

“Are you, uh...better now?” Harley asked, rubbing his finger over the rim of his mug.

“For the most part,” Bucky nodded. “I spent some time in Wakanda and got some help. But the dreams...the memories...those never really go away.”

They all sipped their drinks in silence for a while after that. Bucky knew something was wrong with Harley, especially with Peter glancing over at him every few seconds almost as if to make sure he didn’t disappear from his spot. He just didn’t feel equipped to handle it.

“What was your nightmare about?” Bucky asked, his heart already knowing the answer.

Harley couldn’t keep the guilt out of his eyes as he shrugged and looked everywhere else besides Bucky. “Stuff,” he replied gruffly.

Bucky sighed, his own guilt weighing on his chest. “Do you know much about when Steve was younger?”

“No,” Peter and Harley said together.

“He was a real sickly kid,” Bucky said with a fond smile. “Always getting into fights he had no business being in, always having some type of asthma attack or something. Stupid punk. Anyway, sometimes I’d freak out because I’d be worried about whether or not he was safe. So I’d sneak out and go check on him. We didn’t live that far away from each other, and I could usually see through his window.”

“Stalker,” Harley chuckled.

“A little,” Bucky admitted. “But it made me feel better to see him, you know? Once I saw that he was okay, I was okay.”

Peter nodded enthusiastically, picking up Bucky’s hidden message. “We should go see Tony,” he told Harley firmly. It wasn’t so much a suggestion as it was an order. “It might help. You know,” he added, looking to Bucky, “to see that he’s okay.”

Harley’s nightmare flashed in his mind, Tony paralyzed and helpless as he watched his parents being murdered on screen, and he quickly scrunched his eyes shut. “I...yeah,” he finally replied. “That would be good.”

Peter hopped off his stool and went to put his mug in the sink, but Bucky stopped him. “I’ve got it,” he told the teen. “Go back to bed.”

“Thanks,” Peter replied, passing him Harley’s mug too. “Night Sergeant Barnes.”

"Bucky's fine," Bucky smiled.

“Night Bucky,” Harley corrected.

Bucky gave them a small wave. “Night guys.” As soon as they were out of sight, he slumped over the counter in relief, thankful that the encounter hadn’t been a complete disaster. Awkward, yes, but nothing too bad.

Meanwhile, Peter led Harley confidently to Tony and Pepper’s room, stopping once they reached the door.

“FRIDAY?” Peter asked softly, his hand over the doorknob. There was a quiet click, and Peter was able to open the door and head inside.

The room was just as dark as theirs had been, and they could make out Tony and Pepper’s sleeping forms in the king-sized bed. The teens tiptoed across the carpet until they were at the foot of the bed.

“See?” Peter whispered. “He’s okay.”

Harley watched Tony’s chest move up and down as he breathed, completely unharmed. He swallowed and nodded. Tony was okay. He thought seeing Tony would make him feel better, and it kind of did, but at the same time, it made his chest tighten. Just as he was about to suggest they sneak back out, Tony’s gravelly voice cut through the silence.

“FRIDAY, soft lights.”

Peter and Harley froze as the track lights in the ceiling turned on and a dim glow enveloped the room. Tony shifted until he was sitting up against the headboard, and he blinked sleepily at the teens.

“What’re you doing?” Tony mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “You okay?”

Pepper stirred next to him. “Tony?” she yawned. “Why’re the lights on?”

“Boys are here,” Tony replied, shaking the sleep out of his brain. He rubbed his face and glanced up at Peter and Harley. “You two okay?” he asked again, completely unfazed by their breaking and entering.

Harley clammed up and jammed his fists against his sides, so Peter decided to take the blame.

“I had a nightmare!”

Tony blinked at Peter. “You had a nightmare?”

Peter nodded. “I just...wanted to check on you…”

“So it was about me?” Tony asked, surprise lacing his voice. Peter nodded again.

Tony looked from Peter to Harley and then back to Peter again. He knew Peter was lying right away. It was rare for Peter to so freely admit that he had a nightmare about anything, and he looked far too composed compared to the last time Tony had helped him through one.

Now Harley on the other hand...Harley looked wrecked. His eyes held a hollowed exhaustion that only came from seeing your worst fear lived out in your brain. And he was wearing a different shirt than what Tony had seen him in before the teens had called it a night.

“Honey, we’re okay,” Pepper said, her voice soothing. “We promise.”

“A-Are you sure?” Harley asked, his voice breaking. “Cause it’s okay if-if you’re n-not.” He took a few shallow breaths and focused his gaze everywhere else in the room to try and keep himself from crying in front of Tony and Pepper.

“Yeah, bud,” Tony assured him. “I’m okay.”

Harley nodded and tugged at Peter’s shirt. “C’mon,” he mumbled. “We should go back to bed.” He turned and headed towards the door, but Peter looked back at Tony desperately.

“Wait!” Tony interrupted. Harley paused and turned back around. “I, uh…” Tony cleared his throat. “Actually, I wouldn’t mind, um, some company. Well,” he clarified, looking to Pepper, “more company. You know, safety in numbers and all.”

Harley didn’t need to be told twice. As soon as Tony and Pepper pulled back the covers, he practically hopped into the bed and wrapped himself protectively around Tony. As soon as he felt Tony’s heart thumping against his chest, he started to sniffle.

“I’m okay,” Tony whispered, kissing the top of Harley’s head. “I’m okay.”

Peter felt like he was intruding on a really personal moment, so he prepared to leave until Pepper caught his eye. She patted the empty space in the middle of the bed, and motioned for him to move. Peter carefully crawled onto the mattress, avoiding Harley and Tony until he curled up with the pillow Pepper moved over for him. He sighed contentedly as the warm blanket draped over his shoulders, and he felt himself begin to drift back to sleep.

“FRIDAY, lights,” Tony said, and the room was plunged back into darkness.

Harley tried to pull out of Tony’s grasp, but he stayed firmly against Tony’s chest.

“Go to sleep,” Tony said, laying back down and taking Harley with him. “I’ve got you.”

“I’m supposed to be the one who’s got you,” Harley yawned, but he let himself relax against Tony anyway.

Tony chuckled, and Harley felt the reverberations against his cheek as sleep slowly took over.

“Yeah, kiddo. You’ve got me.”

Chapter Text

Bucky sighed happily and sipped his tea. The hour was early, and since it was a Sunday, the kitchen was empty and everyone was still pretty much asleep.

Or so he thought.

“What do you know about video games?” a voice asked from behind him.

Bucky nearly spit his tea out all over the counter as Tony walked past and grabbed his own mug. The super soldier had no idea how Tony had managed to sneak past his enhanced hearing, but he was too busy trying to avoid choking on hot liquid to dwell on the fact for too long.

“So,” Tony said, ignoring Bucky’s plight, “video games?.”

Bucky wiped his mouth and glanced at Tony warily. “Uh…”

Tony scooped out some coffee grinds and stuffed them in the fancy coffee maker that Bucky was too afraid to look at, much less touch. “You should play video games this afternoon.”

“Ummm…”

“With me and the kids.”

Bucky blinked a few times as Tony set the machine up and leaned back against the counter. “You want me to play video games.”

“Yup.”

“With you, Peter, and Harley.”

“Right again, Buckaroo.”

Bucky sighed and pinched his nose. “Please don’t call me that.”

Tony smirked as his coffee finished brewing and began to drip into his mug. “Walking L’Oreal commercial then?” Bucky’s lips quirked into a small smile, and Tony grinned back. “So? You in?” he asked.

Bucky tapped the counter. “Can I ask why?” He held up his hands quickly. “It’s just that….we’re not...not exactly…” He trailed off and looked to Tony to help finish the sentence.

“Friends?” Tony supplied. “Amigos? Compandres?”

“Something like that,” Bucky admitted.

“Look,” Tony sighed, “FRIDAY told me you helped them out last night. So take this as a sort of thank you. Plus, I’m not super thrilled they’re having nightmares about Siberia.” He scrunched up his face, as if saying the word left a sour taste in his mouth.

Bucky’s stomach dropped. “Tony, I’m so-”

Tony held up hands. “Hang on, hang on. I’m not mad at you.” Bucky snapped his mouth shut and nodded for Tony to continue. “I wasn’t lying when I said I was doing okay,” Tony continued. “I’m not totally over it, but I know it wasn’t your fault. Technically, this mess is FRIDAY’s doing.”

“So how are video games going to help?” Bucky asked.

“I think,” Tony said slowly, “that if they see us being okay...see you being...not so murdery…”

“Murdery?” Bucky smirked.

“Shut up, you know what I mean,” Tony chuckled. “You know, less Winter Soldier, more Bucky Barnes. The kids might not have nightmares.”

Bucky eyed him curiously. “Aren’t you taking them back to the city tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Tony admitted, “but I’m trying to minimize the effects of all this before we go back. It won’t solve all of the problems, but it might help with a few.”

“Fair enough,” Bucky conceded. “But do you really think it’ll work?”

Tony shrugged as he grabbed his finished coffee. “I dunno. It might or it might not. Either way, you can learn how to catch up with this century.” He saluted Bucky with his coffee mug and headed back to his room.

Bucky sipped his tea and then wrinkled his nose. “Wait!” he called after Tony.

“You don’t even know if I’m going to do it!”

Peter and Harley would have been completely content to spend the last day of their vacation sleeping, but once Tony came back with his coffee, he made them get up and be functioning humans (much to their dismay).

“Tonnnyyyy,” Harley whined as he dragged his feet along the carpet. “Why can’t we just sleep all day?”

Tony scoffed as he stopped at a closet and opened the door. “So you’ll be up all night and dead tired for school tomorrow? I don’t think so. Your mom would kill me. Actually, Pepper would kill me, and I’m pretty sure that’s worse.”

Peter yawned and leaned his head against Harley’s shoulder. “But-”

“No buts,” Tony replied, pulling out a box. He held it up for the teens to inspect. “Besides, I thought you’d want to try this beauty out.”

Harley and Peter gaped as they stared at the new Oculus Rift virtual reality set. Harley gently took it out of Tony’s hands and clutched it to his chest.

“Ours?” he whispered in awe.

Tony pulled out one more box and handed it to Peter. “Yours,” he confirmed. “Even when you go home.”

Peter and Harley looked at each other, looked at their boxes, and then back at Tony.

“THANK YOU!” they shouted, rushing forward. Box corners jammed into Tony’s gut as they hugged him, and then they ran off to the common room to set it up. Tony chuckled and quickly followed after them.

By the time the teens had managed to hook up the software to Tony’s expensive PCs, they were practically vibrating with excitement. They decided to connect Peter’s set to the big TV while Harley and Tony moved furniture to the sides of the room and set up Harley’s set on another PC.

“You know,” Harley said as he downloaded and installed the software, “you would make a killing if you invented a system that would let you connect two VR headsets to one PC.”

Tony tried on the headset and adjusted it over his ears. “Listen, kid, you’re lucky I was able to scrounge up two PCs. Do you have any idea how inferior this crap is to my tech?”

“Hence why you should invent it!” Peter called over from his spot on the floor.

“Maybe that should be my intern’s job,” Tony replied. He didn’t miss the way Harley’s smile fell a bit, and he felt like a jerk. He nudged Harley’s shoulder. “Hey, summer’s not that far away. Companies have summer internship programs. I think.”

“Yes,” Pepper interrupted, walking into the common room. “They do.”

Tony pointed to her. “See? And she would know. She runs a company.”

“Yeah,” Harley smirked, “way better than you.” He managed to duck just in time to avoid Tony throwing the empty Oculus box at his head. When he stood back up, he noticed Bucky standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“Hi,” Bucky said, giving them a small wave. He cleared his throat, realizing that he didn’t actually know what to say. “I, uh...video games?”

Tony smacked his palm to his face while Pepper pretended to cover her chuckle with a cough. Peter and Harley looked to Bucky and then to each other.

“Sure,” Peter finally said, holding up his VR set. “This is kind of a video game.”

“Kind of?” Harley scoffed. “This is only one of the coolest immersive experiences ever!” He shook his head at Peter disapprovingly.

“That’s why I said “kind of” you as-” Peter cut himself off as Pepper glared at him. “I mean, butt head.”

“Why don’t you show Bucky how it works?” Tony suggested, waving Bucky to actually come in the room.

That was something Peter and Harley could easily do. The super soldier couldn’t get a word in edgewise as the teens eagerly explained how the Oculus worked. By the time they were finished telling him about the virtual world, the software was ready to use, and Bucky felt in over his head. This was way more complicated than the stupid Mario Kart games he was used to watching.

Peter held out the headset to Bucky. “You want to try it?” he asked.

Bucky looked over the headset, and a slight shiver went down his spine as the constricting headband reminded him of a device HYDRA had used on him before. He managed a small smile before shaking his head.

“I’m not very good at video games,” he replied. “You should go first.”

“Why don’t we do some of the exploring games?” Harley asked. “They’re not super intense, so you can always jump in.” He shut down his PC and helped Peter finish setting up. Once the screen blinked and the Oculus logo appeared, the teens were mesmerized. They quickly used the touch controls to set up the perimeter for the room, and then they were browsing through the selection.

“SPACE WALK!” they both shouted as soon as the option popped up. Without even prompting each other, they did a quick round of Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who would go first. Peter threw out paper while Harley held out scissors, so Peter quickly relinquished control of the headset.

“You know,” Tony grinned, “there’s still a PC over here you can use.”

Peter shook his head as he helped Harley put on the headset. “It’s cool, I wanna watch on the big screen.” Tony ruffled his hair as he sat down and watched Harley.

“What’s it like?” Bucky asked as Harley gripped his touch controls.

Harley blinked a few times as the simulation queued up. “Weird,” he whispered. “But so cool.” The TV screen suddenly showed the inside of a spaceship, and Harley nearly fell backwards. “Holy shit! I’m here!”

“Language!” Tony, Pepper, and Bucky chided.

Harley shook his head, and the image on the screen shook too. “This is WILD!” he exclaimed. He moved his hands forward, and two gloved hands moved in tandem on screen.

“Whoa,” Peter whispered.

Harley slowly walked forward and lifted his hands to grab a metal rung near the top of the screen. A voice commanded him to attach a tether to the rung, and Harley reached out to grab the floating device.

“I’m going into space!” he giggled, his voice filled with awe.

Bucky held his breath as Harley undid the airlock latch and pushed himself into space. The graphics were incredible, and Bucky stared in rapt attention. It all looked so real . Whatever Harley did in the common room, his spacesuit did in the simulation. Harley was clearly enamored by the game because he had gone uncharacteristically silent as he navigated. Bucky saw his hands tighten on the controls, trying to avoid slipping away.

Suddenly, Harley turned his head and another astronaut was staring right at him.

“Ah!” he yelped, falling backwards. Bucky and Tony managed to grab his shoulders before he could fall back.

“You good?” Tony asked.

Harley pulled off his headset and nodded. “Just scared me a bit. That dude was right there and it...it just felt so…”

“Real?” Bucky supplied. “It looked awesome from our end.”

Harley held out the headset to Peter. “You should try it.”

Peter didn’t have to be asked twice, and he hopped up and strapped the set to his head. He held out his hands and Harley gave him the controls. He was instantly overwhelmed by the amount of stimuli in front of him. He was used to interacting with Karen’s interface right up against his eyes, but this was totally different. He felt nausea building up in his stomach as his brain tried to process the bright graphics. The speakers that cupped around his ears made his head pound as the simulated voices spoke to his character, and he barely got his tether attached before he had to take the headset off.

“You okay?” Tony asked worriedly as Peter sat on the ground.

“Too much,” Peter mumbled into his knees.

Tony rubbed his back. “Your senses?”

“Big time.” He looked up at Tony. “I’m sorry.”

“No apologies,” Tony replied firmly. “Just a game. I can work on modifying it so it'll be less intense for you.”

Peter smile gratefully and looked up to Bucky. “You want to try?”

“Uhhh…” Bucky trailed off uncertainly.

“You probably won’t freak out like me,” Peter tried to reassure him. “My brain tends to get overwhelmed sometimes.”

Bucky glanced at the screen nervously, but then he remembered what Tony had said earlier in the morning. “I’ll try it,” he decided.

Peter instantly brightened up, and he took the controls back and showed Bucky how to work them. He was exceedingly patient as Bucky fumbled and tried to get a good grip, all the while trying to be gentle with his metal arm.

“Okay,” Harley said, holding out the headset. “It’ll feel really weird at first-”

“Like your life just got upgraded to surround sound,” Peter added.

“So take a second to breathe-”

“And let us know if the volume is too loud-”

“Cause the speakers are, like, right up against your ears.”

“Again, surround sound.”

“I think he gets it,” Pepper chuckled, resting a hand on their shoulders. “Let him figure it out.”

Peter and Harley stepped back and let Bucky stand in the center of the room. He took a deep breath and pressed the buttons on the control, activating the simulation. His stomach did a little flip flop as his eyes got used to the game, and he carefully reached out to attach his tether and head outside.

It was somewhat of a secret that Bucky was a massive space nerd. He had always dreamed of traveling there as a kid, and seeing it so up close was incredible. He know it was fake, but his brain literally felt like he was there. His head swiveled around so much as he tried to take it all in: the space station, the Earth, the vastness of...everything.

“Complete the mission!” Peter encouraged.

Bucky nodded, causing his astronaut to nod as well, and he could hear the teens laugh in his periphery. He slowly crawled forward on the station, grabbing at the handrails as he went along. The purpose of the game was to check for damage to the space station, and Bucky started to get the hang of it. It wasn’t until he tried to take a picture of the outside hull using a camera from his toolbox that things went wrong.

“Aw, crap!” he muttered as the camera slipped from his grip and went tumbling into the great void of space.

“Look out!” Harley yelled.

Bucky managed to duck just in time to avoid some incoming debris, but the second time, he wasn’t so lucky. A piece of white rock hit him squarely in the faceplate, and he felt his own face snap back reflexively. His whole world went spinning as he was detached from the space station and sent hurtling out into space.

“Did he die?” Tony asked.

“No,” the teens responded.

“I think this is part of the game,” Peter replied.

Sure enough, Bucky got his orders to use a minuscule amount of fuel from his jetpack to make his way back to the airlock. The distance seemed immense to him.

“You can do it!” Harley exclaimed.

“C’mon Barnes,” Bucky whispered to himself. He looked straight ahead and moved his controller forward. His astronaut began to move, slowly but surely, towards the illuminated airlock. Peter and Harley kept providing words of encouragement as he got closer and his fuel got lower.

Just as his warning light came on, he was able to reach out and grab the airlock handle. He climbed back down inside the space station and the simulation ended. When he pulled off the headset, he found Peter and Harley watching him expectantly.

“Well?” they asked.

Bucky grinned. “That was amazing! Did you see how realistic it looked?”

The three of them were suddenly engaged in a lively discussion about the merits of the simulation and actual space. The game was soon forgotten as they chattered on about anything and everything space related.

Pepper wrapped her arms around Tony’s shoulders and kissed his cheek. “Well that went well,” she said softly. “I think they’re going to be just fine.”

Tony watched the three of them laugh at one of Peter’s corny space jokes, and he couldn’t help but smile back at how carefree they all looked. He was happy to see Peter and Harley looking at ease with Bucky, and he hoped their nightmares would slow down.

“Yeah,” he finally said.

“I think they’re going to be fine too.”

Chapter Text

Tony really should have known better. He should have known that just because he, Peter, Pepper, and Harley said their goodbyes to all the Avengers the day before did not mean it was a permanent thing. He really should have anticipated some ridiculous twist of events that would lead to his current predicament.

“What do you mean you FLOODED THE COMPOUND?!” Tony yelled as everyone began making themselves right at home in the Tower.

Steve glared at Clint who had already kicked off his shoes and collapsed onto the couch. “Someone was messing around in the vents again.”

Tony rolled his eyes and whimpered. “It’s too early for this,” he groaned, letting his head fall into his hands. He grabbed the closest thing to him (Peter’s gym sneakers) and threw them at Clint. “How?! How the HELL, Clint?!”

Clint chucked the sneaker back, but Bucky caught it before it could hit anyone else. He handed it off to Bruce who gently placed it back on the floor.

“How was I supposed to know the arrow was going to mess with your water mainframe?” Clint asked innocently. “I was just trying to scare Sam.”

“You shot an arrow in the vents,” Tony deadpanned.

“No,” Clint corrected, holding up a finger. “I shot out of the vent holes.”

Tony shook his head. “I can’t. It’s too early for this,” he repeated.

“Too early for wha-” Pepper asked, her heels clacking against the tile floor. She paused as she watched Nat and Sam bring in the last of the bags. “What’s going on?” she asked.

“Hell if I know,” Tony replied, throwing up his hands. “I need coffee. Preferably in an IV.”

Pepper crossed her arms and glared at Steve. “Explain. Now.”

Steve cleared his throat. “Clint damaged the water mainframe Tony set up at the Compound, and it flooded a bunch of the rooms.”

“Were your bedrooms part of the damage?” Pepper asked.

“Well, no…” Steve trailed off, his face turning red. “Not exactly…”

“Not exactly?” Tony’s head popped up. “What do you mean?”

“Our rooms weren’t damaged,” Bruce chimed in, “but the common room, kitchen, and training rooms all were.”

“Those aren’t even on the same floor!” Tony yelled at Clint.

“What can I say?” Clint asked with a shrug. “I’m just that talented.”

“Hang on,” Pepper said, holding up her hands. “Why are you here? Your rooms are fine, so you didn’t need to leave the Compound!”

“These morons don’t know how to exist without a TV and gym,” Nat replied dryly. “They were hoping to use your facilities.”

“It’s called ordering takeout,” Tony shot back. “And going to a public gym.”

“Where are the kids?” Clint asked, ignoring Tony’s question. He popped his head up and looked around the room.

“It’s a Monday,” Tony said, practically inhaling his coffee. “They’re at school.”

“Aww,” Clint whined, flopping back down on the couch.

“We can leave,” Bucky said to Tony apologetically.

“Yeah,” Steve chimed in, “this was a bad idea. Which I kept saying on the ride here.”

Clint hopped off the couch and stole the coffee pot from the machine before taking a long sip. “Oh no, Mr. Righteous. Don’t even try to blame this all on me. You wanted to come too.”

“What?!” Steve yelped, his cheeks turning red.

“And so did the rest of you!” Clint exclaimed, pointing to the others.

Bruce shook his head. “Don’t bring me-”

“Oh, so you didn’t want to see the kids either?” Clint asked accusingly.

“What?!” Tony and Pepper yelled at the same time.

Clint nodded and waved his arms. “Go ahead. Someone tell them.”

“You’re the worst, you know that?” Sam groaned.

“Uh uh, you don’t get to blame me on this one.”

Tony held up his hands. “Everyone stop! Are you seriously telling me that you flooded the Compound to have an excuse to come here and hang out with the kids more?!”

“Well,” Nat said, “we really didn’t get to see them for very long.”

“Not a lot of time to get to know them,” Sam added.

Bruce grinned sheepishly. “And there was no lab time. Not really, anyway,” he amended, thinking about the drone incident.

Tony blinked at them. “You could have just come to visit! You didn’t need to cause property damage!”

Pepper kissed Tony on the cheek and grabbed her purse. “I’m heading to work. You can deal with this.”

“Seriously?” Tony asked, automatically kissing her back. “You’re leaving me with Earth’s Mightiest Idiots?”

“Yup!” she called over her shoulder. “Love you! Don’t forget to take the chicken out of the freezer!”

“So…” Clint said slowly as she walked away. “Are you kicking us out?”

Tony threw up his hands. “You know what? You can stay. FRIDAY can show you the empty rooms.”

“Wow, say it like you mean it, Stark,” Nat smirked.

Tony couldn’t help the small smile that pulled at his lips. “You know what, Romanoff…”

“Thanks!” Steve yelled loudly, ushering everyone out. “We really, really appreciate it.”

Tony waved them off. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He glanced around the room and wrinkled his brows. “Hang on, you said everyone was here?”

“Yeah,” Bucky nodded.

“Then where the hell are Point Break and Reindeer Games?”

“Oh my gosh!” Ned gushed as they walked into school. “I can’t believe you got to swim with dolphins! And hang out with the Avengers!”

MJ glared at a group of students who were gawking at Peter and Harley, no doubt trying to catch a glimpse of Tony’s pseudo sons. “I can’t believe your privacy was violated. And that the entire world actually thought you were related to Tony.”

Harley shrugged. “I mean, it’s kinda funny. And it’s not like having Tony as a dad would be horrible.”

Ned looked like he was about to faint because he was so happy. “God, I love your life.”

Peter chuckled and knocked into his friend’s shoulder. “You two are gonna come over after school today, right? To work on homework?”

“Uh, duh!” Ned exclaimed. “I can’t believe you haven’t invited us over before!” They were about to walk up the steps and into the school before something caught their attention.

“PSST!” a voice hissed from around the corner.

Peter stopped and glanced at the stone building warily. “Did you guys hear-?”

“PSST!” the voice said again.

MJ raised her brows and stepped off the stairs and into the grass. “Dude, why is Thor here?”

Peter and Harley both dashed over to find Thor smushed up against the wall and a very sulky teenager dressed in all black glaring at him. A black umbrella leaned against the wall, and Thor had one hand on it protectively.

“Thor?!” they both exclaimed.

“Ah! Good!” Thor said happily. “We did get the right school!”

“Who’s the sourpuss?” MJ asked, staring at the mysterious teen. Ned, meanwhile, was opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water at the sight of the Asgardian.

Thor clapped the mysterious teen on the back. “This is-” Before he could finish his sentence, Peter and Harley did it for him.

“LOKI!”

Ned gasped and stumbled backwards. “L-L-L-Loki?” he asked nervously. “Like, the Loki?” He gulped and watched as teenage Loki crossed his arms and gave him an unimpressed glance.

“No,” the teen replied snarkily, “clearly I’m-” Thor cut him off as he jabbed him in the stomach with the umbrella. It clearly did some damage because Loki was suddenly hunched over and gasping for breath.

“What are you doing here?” Peter asked. “Shouldn’t you be upstate?”

Thor shook his head. “Everyone’s at the Tower.”

“What?!”

“And anyway, I have a bit of a favor…” He looked to his brother, whose face was turning red as he coughed and stared daggers at Thor. “I would owe you immensely.”

Peter looked from Thor to Loki, and his brain connected the dots. “Nononono,” he said quickly. “We can’t!”

“Can’t what?” Ned asked, his hand clutching his chest. “Can’t what?!”

“Dude!” Harley yelped. “You can’t be serious!”

Thor clasped his hands together. “Please,” he begged, “it’s just for the day. I have business to attend to, and, well...you know how well Loki gets along with people.”

“I’m right here,” Loki growled.

“Besides,” Thor said, ignoring his brother, “you know how Loki is around the others. He likes you.”

“I did almost stab them,” Loki pointed out. “Remember?”

“You did what?” MJ asked, raising her brows. “What, New York wasn’t enough death and destruction for you?”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Good lord. We’re still on about New York? I was under mind control!”

MJ paused. “Wait, really?”

Loki nodded. “Not my proudest moment, I must admit.”

“Huh.” Then, without warning, MJ clenched her hand into a fist and slammed it into Loki’s cheek. She wiped her hands together and grinned. “Okay, we’re even.”

“Listen,” Thor said, stepping over Loki as he writhed on the ground, “it really is just for today.”

“Does Tony know he’s here?” Peter asked.

Thor shook his head. “I figured the less people who knew we were here, the better.”

A bell rang from inside the building, and Ned tugged at Peter’s shirt. “We’ve gotta go or we’re gonna be late!”

Peter and Harley shared a glance before nodding. “It’s fine,” Harley said. “We can watch him.”

“I’m not a child!” Loki yelled, holding a hand to his sore cheek. “I don’t need to be watched!”

“You do not do well on your own, brother,” Thor said firmly. “Please, just listen to them and remember what we talked about.”

Loki sighed. “Fine. But if she hits me again…” He scowled at MJ as he said it.

“She won’t!” Peter promised.

Ned nodded furiously. “Yeah, she won’t hit the murder god again.” He held up his hands defensively as Loki swiveled his attention to him. “I mean, uh, Mr. God of Murder, sir.”

“God of Mischief,” Loki muttered. “Why can’t anyone seem to get it right?”

“We’ve really got to go,” MJ said, glancing at her watch. “It’ll be super suspicious if we come in late with a random kid.”

Thor waved at them as he stepped out to the sidewalk. “Very well. I really do owe you for this.”

“Just today, right?” Peter asked weakly. “You’ll be back later?”

“Of course!” Thor boomed. He raised up his umbrella, and with a massive crack of thunder and lightning, he was gone. The ground smoked where he left, and they could hear the sizzle of electricity in the air.

“Uh, guys?” Ned said, pointing to the power lines above them.

All of the lines on the street were smoking, and when the teens turned around, they noticed the school lights had gone out. In fact, the power for the entire block had gone out. Peter sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“This is going to be a long day.”

Chapter Text

“Absolutely not,” Loki huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

Harley threw a gaudy sweater at the god, and it draped messily over his head. “Yes! You need something less conspicuous!”

MJ wrinkled her nose and plucked the sweater off Loki’s head. “I think you need a remedial English lesson on what the word ‘conspicuous’ means.”

Peter rolled his eyes and held up a t-shirt. Before he could even open his mouth, MJ shook her head. “What? Why?” he asked.

“Nerdy t-shirts are your thing,” she replied, thumbing through the racks of clothes. “Definitely not his.”

“Ooo, what about this?” Ned held up a fedora and was met with a resounding...

“NO!”

After Thor had fried the power for the entire block, not even the strongest generator was able to bring it back. Since the school needed power to serve lunch, the students were promptly dismissed for an extra day of break (not that anyone was complaining). They had decided to stop by a thrift store first to get Loki some new clothes and find something that would make Peter and Harley a little less noticeable considering they were now under the watchful eye of the paparazzi.

Peter’s phone blared in his pocket, and the AC/DC ringtone told him it was Tony before he even looked at the screen.

“Hey Tony,” Peter said casually. Ned, MJ, and Harley crowded up right by his ear so they could hear the conversation too.

“Hey kiddo,” Tony replied. “So, no school, huh?”

“Yeah, power outage.”

Tony huffed. “Thor didn’t cause it by any chance, did he?”

“Uhhhh...maybe?”

“Is he with you right now?”

Peter glanced at Loki before responding. “No. He said he had to run some errands.”

“Dammit!” Tony exclaimed. “The last thing we need is him running around with Loki in the city.”

“Well-” Harley cut Peter off by placing his hand over his mouth.

“Peter? You say something?” Tony asked.

Harley removed his hand and shook his head, a silent warning to Peter not to mention Loki. “Nope. Nothing.”

“Are you coming back since school’s cancelled?”

“Actually,” Peter said, “we were thinking of doing a tourist day. Just for fun.”

“We?”

“Yeah. Me, Harley, Ned, MJ-”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Tony cut him off. “The Motley crew. Well, listen, the Tower is crammed with the other Avengers, and they want to spend time with you, so try to come back when you normally would, okay?”

“Really?” Harley asked, stealing the phone from Peter. “Why are they there?”

Tony sighed as if he were truly questioning his life’s decisions right now. “Apparently Clint flooded the Compound.”

“You can do that?” Ned gasped.

“Well, Ted, you’re not supposed to be able to,” Tony shot back, “but-”

“How many times do I have to tell you?” Clint shouted from somewhere in the distance on Tony’s end. “It was an ACCIDENT!”

“An accident that managed to flood three SEPARATE FLOORS!” Tony yelled back.

“You know what?” MJ asked, taking the phone from Harley. “This sounds like a personal problem. We’ll let you get back to dealing with it.” She tossed the phone to back to Peter, who caught it easily. She dragged Loki away with some clothes and shoved him into a dressing room.

“See ya, Tony,” Peter said, turning away to block out Loki’s shouts of protest.

“Just be careful, please,” Tony begged. “Don’t do anything I would do. Or anything I wouldn’t do. There’s a-”

“Gray line,” Peter smiled. “Got it.”

“Bye Underoos.” Tony ended the call, and Peter pocketed his phone. He glared at his Harley. “Tony’s gonna be mad when he finds out we lied to him.”

Harley shrugged. “We didn’t lie!” he protested. “Thor really isn’t with us. We just didn’t tell him that Loki was.”

“Your loophole skills are scary,” Peter replied warily. “Do you have any idea what could happen if you used your powers for good?”

“Eh, sounds boring.” Harley smirked and then his jaw dropped as he saw Loki come out of the dressing room. “Holy shit!” Peter and Ned turned around to see what the fuss was about, and their eyes bugged out when they saw how MJ dressed him.

Loki replaced his all-black ensemble for a more modern appearance. He wore dark wash jeans with grey Vans sneakers. He had replaced the black t-shirt for a navy blue one, and MJ had added a brown, tan, and blue plaid button down on top. She must have convinced him to change his hair because the ponytail had shrunk to a slightly spikier style.

“Oh my god,” Ned whispered. “You look…” His voice trailed off, and he reached his arms back to grab at Peter and Harley to help him finish his thought.

“Hot,” Harley replied confidently.

“Not that you didn’t before!” Peter exclaimed, as Loki’s eyes narrowed at Harley’s remark. “Look, uh, hot. But, like...this outfit…”

“Hot,” Harley repeated.

Loki rolled his eyes. “Yes, we get it. I look good.” He eyed himself in the mirror and ran his hand through his hair, making the spikes messier. “Fine. This is suitable,” he told MJ.

MJ clapped her hands. “My work here is done.” She looped her arm through Loki’s and dragged him towards the register.

“Wait!” Peter called after her. “What about me and Harley?!”

MJ tapped her fingers on her chin before quickly browsing a rack full of sweatshirts. She picked out a blue Columbia one and tossed it to Harley. Peter barely registered the purple NYU sweatshirt flying at his head before reaching out his hands instinctively to catch it.

“Add a beanie, and you’re good to go,” MJ said, pointing to a bin of hats.

Ned placed his previously rejected fedora on his own head and gave himself finger guns in one of the mirrors. “I’m keeping this,” he decided. “I look good.”

After they all paid for their items and Harley and Peter had switched clothes, they gathered outside to come up with a game plan.

“So just how touristy do we want to go?” MJ asked.

“Extra touristy,” Harley declared. “I actually haven’t done a ton of sightseeing since I’ve gotten here.”

Peter snapped his fingers. “Bus tour!”

“Bus tour!” Ned and MJ exclaimed as they nodded their heads in agreement.

“What, you just sit on a bus?” Harley asked.

“Kind of,” Peter replied. “The one I did as a kid starts at Times Square and then goes all the way down to near Brooklyn.”

“But,” MJ added, “the cool thing is you can hop on or off at any of their stops. So, we don’t have to ride the whole tour.”

“Oooo, we could get lunch in Chinatown!” Ned said excitedly. “Dim sum?”

“Dim what?” Loki asked. “Is that some type of poison?”

Peter shook his head as he bit back a grin. “It’s like authentic Chinese food.”

“And we have to take a bus to get there?”

“Well...not really,” Peter replied. “We could just take the subway over-”

“The what?”

“But the bus tour definitely gives you the New York tourist experience,” Peter finished.

“Why would I want that?” Loki asked.

Harley gave the god his best puppy dog eyes and pretended to be hurt. “Because I’ve never seen any of that stuff.”

Loki blinked at Harley. “But why would I -”

MJ rolled her eyes and cut him off. “Because he’s your friend, isn’t he? And you spend time with friends, even if it means do cheesy touristy stuff.”

“Besides,” Ned said. “It’ll be fun!”

Loki really needed to help the teens define what “fun” meant. They had dragged him on one of the “subways” and it took every amount of self control not to strangle any of the passengers. He had never been exposed to so many...germs...in one place. When a woman had coughed near him, Loki had gotten off at the next step and demanded they walk the rest of the way. It took everything in the teens’ powers not to laugh at him as he stomped down the sidewalks of New York.

Thankfully, the day was warm and bright, and they had only been two stops away at that point.

Times Square was packed and busy as always, even though it wasn’t even lunchtime yet. The huge screens flashed advertisements, and Harley spun around in a circle in complete awe. Ned insisted they all get a picture with the New Year’s Eve ball building in the background, and Harley had a blast climbing up the TKTS steps.

Peter spotted the buses, and he walked over to the big board and scanned the list of prices. He gulped when he saw that a downtown tour would cost each of them $48. He still hadn’t spent most of the money from May, but the thought of depleting his funds by nearly half did not sit well.

“Holy crap!” Ned exclaimed, coming up next to him. “Was it always this expensive?”

MJ rested her elbows on both their shoulders as she nudged herself in between them. “To be fair, we were, like, nine the last time we did these tours. At least I was.”

“Whoa,” Harley gasped, finally standing with them. “That’s, uh...that’s a lot.”

Before they could say anything else, a hand thrust forward and shoved a bunch of $20s into Peter’s hand.

“Will you just buy the tickets please?!” Loki said, his voice filled with exasperation.

Peter thumbed the bills incredulously. “Where did you get these?” he asked.

“One of my powers allows me to change the form of objects,” Loki explained. “I took some napkins and…” He trailed off, waving his hands at the money.

MJ narrowed her eyes. “Is this real?”

“Yes.”

“It won’t change back to napkins once you leave?”

“No,” Loki replied, rolling his eyes. “It will remain money as long as I see fit.” He held up a hand before anyone could protest. “Which will be forever. You have my word.”

Peter smiled. “Don’t worry, we trust you.” He headed off to buy the tickets while the others stood and waited.

Harley nudged Loki with his shoulder. “You know, you could have just left us floundering.”

“What?” Loki asked, wrinkling his nose in confusion.

“You totally didn’t have to bail us out with the money. We probably would have come up with something different to do.”

“And your point is?”

Harley smirked and wrapped an arm around Loki’s shoulder. “You secretly want to go on the bus tour,” he replied with a laugh.

Loki shrugged him off, but his cheeks were tinged pink. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You know,” Ned said, “it’s okay to be friends with people.”

“Oh, shut up.”

As much as it pained Loki to admit it, the bus tour was actually tolerable. Before they left, they had all gotten decadent waffles from a food truck in Times Square, and they ate their delicious treats on the top of the double decker bus. The tour was moderately packed despite the early hour, and the guide cracked jokes the entire time.

Peter was surprised Harley’s head didn’t fly off as he swiveled around and tried to capture everything around him. He gawked at the luxurious displays in the huge Macy’s, and he vowed to come back to the LEGO store in Rockefeller Center. They took selfies upon selfies as they passed the historic landmarks, and they stayed on the bus all the way down to Chinatown.

Dim sum was a new concept for Harley and Loki. MJ led the group off the bus and through the busy streets to her favorite dim sum restaurant. There were people everywhere, and they managed to snag the last five-person table.

“So how does this work?” Loki asked, holding the menu upside down.

Ned quickly corrected it, and got back to looking at his own menu. “We all basically order a bunch of food and share,” he explained. “They come out in these little basket things.”

“The sweet buns are so good!” Peter praised. “Especially the ones with pineapple!” His stomach growled hungrily. “Aww, man, can we order soon?”

“Okay, so Parker is on buns,” MJ smirked. “I’ll order a couple of different dumplings.”

Harley scanned his menu. “I’m really digging some spring rolls,” he said, his mouth watering. “Ooo, maybe some rice noodle rolls too?”

“You can’t go wrong with sticky rice,” Ned added.

“What about you?” Peter asked Loki. “See anything interesting?”

Loki’s eyes focused on the sweets section. “I suppose I will try the cakes,” he finally replied. "But I have a question...you were so worried about the cost of the bus trip. Isn't this going to cost more?"

MJ shook her head. "Dim sum is actually really cheap, especially when we all split it."

"Midgardians are so...agreeable," Loki said slowly. "Your customs are odd."

"Says the Asgardian who likes to stab people for fun," Harley snorted. 

Peter elbowed him in the side. "I think that's just his personality," he snickered.

"I hate all of you," Loki shot back.

"No you don't!" the teens all replied. 

They quickly placed their orders and talked about anything and everything as they waited for their food. When it arrived, it took up the entire table. It was chaos of hands grabbing all over the table, and everyone soon had their plates stacked high.

“Dude, this is amazing!” Harley exclaimed, crumbs falling out of his mouth. Peter and Ned merely gave him thumbs up as they shoveled entire pineapple buns in their mouths. Loki, meanwhile, elegantly sipped his tea while MJ expertly scooped up rice with her chopsticks.

Harley’s phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out to answer it. “Hullo?” he asked after he swallowed.

“Hey kid,” Happy replied on the other end. “Tony sent me to pick you guys up. You going to be ready soon?”

Harley looked around at the rapidly disappearing food and nodded, even though Happy couldn’t see him. “Yeah, we’ll be done in, like, fifteen minutes.”

“Good, I’ll see you then.”

“Hang on,” Harley said. “Don’t you need the address?”

Happy scoffed on the other end of the line. “Kid, if you don’t think Tony’s tracking your cells all the time, you’re ridiculous.”

“He’s so overprotective,” Harley replied, rolling his eyes as he snatched another spring roll.

“Who, Tony?” Peter asked, overhearing the conversation. He laughed when Harley nodded. “That’s an understatement.”

“Well,” Loki replied, “he is your father. Isn’t it natural for Midgardian parents to be more watchful?”

Ned and MJ choked on their food as Peter and Harley stared at him incredulously.

“Happy, we’ll be ready when you get here,” Harley said, quickly ending the call. He blinked at Loki. “What did you call Tony?”

“Your father?”

“Wha-” Ned coughed, banging on his chest. “What makes you think that?”

Now it was Loki’s turn to blink at them. “Because he is? Isn’t he?”

Peter and Harley shook their heads.

“Really?”

Nodding now.

“Interesting,” Loki replied. “Well, everyone else thinks it too. He certainly acts like a father. And he’s never denied it.”

“He hasn’t?” Peter asked. Loki shook his head.

“So wait,” Harley said, a mischievous grin taking over his face. “The other Avengers think Tony is our dad? Like, for real?”

“That makes no sense,” Ned interjected. “Tony and Pepper did the whole press conference thing!”

Loki shook his head. “The others didn’t watch the conference. They were a bit too busy with our disappearance.” Peter and Harley grinned sheepishly, but then Harley gasped.

“We could have so much fun with this!” Harley exclaimed. He looked over at his friends. “You guys wanna play a joke on the Avengers?”

His friends glanced at each other before smiling back at him.

“What did you have in mind?” Peter asked.

Harley rubbed his hands together.

“Oh, I’ve got the perfect plan.”

Chapter Text

Hey friends!

I am so sorry this isn't an actual chapter update. I wanted to let you know that I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth.

I am hardcore struggling with some stuff right now, and writing has needed to be put on the back burner. I have part of the next chapter written, but I've gotta get this mental health stuff straightened out first.

Thank you for your patience and understanding. My goal is a one-two week break to re-center and then I'll be back.

Love you all!

Ace

P.S. I'll post a new chapter with the actual chapter when I come back, so if you're subscribed to the story, you should get an email update.

Chapter Text

“Hey, which one of us looks more like Tony?”

The question rolled off Harley’s tongue so casually, so naturally, that it made everyone stop and stare at him. Clint was so shocked he didn’t even notice Nat chuck a red shell at him as his Mario character swerved off the track on the massive TV. 

Harley hid a smirk, secretly thrilled that he had thrown them off their game. He hopped over the couch, knocking Clint onto the floor. He grinned over at Sam, who was giving him major side-eye for interrupting the race.

“What do you mean?” Steve asked from his spot on the floor. He rested his controller on his knees and quirked an eyebrow at the teens.

Peter leaned over the couch a little more gracefully and pointed between himself and Harley. ”You know, which one of us has the better family resemblance?”  

“Uhhh…” 

Harley wrapped an arm around Peter’s neck and yanked him down so their faces were right next to each other. “So?” he asked, expectantly.

Bucky rubbed the scruff on his chin and hummed. “Peter,” he finally said with a confident nod.

Harley pretended to look offended. “WHAT?!” he yelped. “Peter?”

Peter shoved Harley’s arm off him and laughed. “Ha! Told ya!”

“His eyes are wrong!” Harley protested. 

“But the hair is right,” Clint replied, reaching out to ruffle Peter’s waves. “Tony’s hair gets all messy when he lets it grow out.”

“Messy?” Peter gasped. “Excuse you?”

Nat’s eyes twinkled. “You’re right!” he exclaimed. “I remember when Tony used to grow his hair out.”

“He WHAT?!” Peter and Harley both yelled, completely forgetting their offense.

“Oh yeah,” Nat nodded. “The amount of hair gel he used to use was ungodly.” 

“But wait,” Sam said, a playful glint in his eye, “sure Peter’s got the physical features, but when it comes to intelligence…"

“Mmm,” Bucky hummed solemnly. “Now that’s a good question.”

Peter stumbled over the couch and his knees jabbed right into Sam’s side, earning a groan of protest from the man. 

“Kid, I swear…” Sam grumbled, pushing Peter into Harley. 

“So what?” Harley asked, resting his arms over Peter’s legs as the teen made himself comfortable on the couch. “You don’t think one of us is smart enough to be Tony’s?”

Steve shook his head. “We didn’t say that.”

“You implied it.”

“No,” Nat replied, pointing at Bucky and Sam, “Bonnie and Clyde implied it.”

Sam held up his hands. “I’m just saying,” he defended, “there’s more to family inheritance than just physical appearance.”

“Can we get back to the story about Tony’s hair gel?” Clint asked. “Cause that is way more interesting.”

“Ooo are we talking about Tony’s hair?”

Everyone turned/peeked over the couch to find Rhodey standing there, a large coffee mug in his hand. Harley and Peter jumped up and rushed in for a hug.

“UNCLE RHODEY!” they shouted. 

Rhodey managed to brace for impact and didn’t fall onto the floor. “Hey kiddos,” he chuckled, returning their hugs with a squeeze of his own.

“Did you come to see your favorite nephews?” Peter asked with a grin.

Rhodey wrinkled his nose and pretended to look confused. “I don’t see Nikola and Tesla anywhere,” he replied.

“Hey!” Harley yelped, pulling back. “Clint’s officially our new favorite uncle.”

“Yes!” Clint exclaimed from the floor. “Take that!”

Rhodey rolled his eyes. “Like that isn’t a disaster in the making.”

“Actually,” Peter chimed in, “mine’s Bucky.” He gave the super soldier a warm smile, and Bucky immediately blushed at the compliment.

Rhodey yanked both of them into headlocks and had them giggling for mercy before long. “Say it!” he commanded. “Or you’re not getting out of this any time soon!”

Even though Peter could have easily escaped Rhodey’s hold, he and Harley still yelled “UNCLE!” together. 

“Damn straight,” Rhodey grinned. “And don’t you two forget it.” He crossed his arms and glanced around at the other Avengers. “What are you all doing here?”

Peter pointed a thumb in Clint’s direction. “He burned part of the Compound down.”

“NO!” Clint yelled emphatically. “I flooded some of the Compound! There’s a difference!”

“The whole Compound?” Rhodey asked, raising his brows. “That takes some skill.”

“Only part of it,” Clint grumbled. “And thanks.”

“Not a compliment.”

Clint waved him off and reset the game. “Cap, Wilson, relinquish your controllers so I can kick their butts.”

Harley smiled widely. “Oh it is ON!” Rhodey playfully ruffled his hair before Harley vaulted over the couch again...right into Sam’s lap. 

“You and Tony definitely share the lack of personal space gene,” Sam grumbled, shoving Harley off him yet again. 

“Personal space gene?” Rhodey whispered to Peter as Steve and Sam argued with Clint about giving up their gaming rights.

Peter turned so his back was facing the others, and he stepped backwards slowly towards the couch with a finger to his lips. “They might still think we’re Tony’s actual kids,” he mouthed back, so no superhearing could pick him up. 

Rhodey just chuckled and shook his head. “I’m heading down to the lab,” he said, giving them a wave. The boys were so engrossed in starting the game that they merely mumbled a goodbye back. He let out one more soft laugh before disappearing.

Tony, unsurprisingly, was hunched over a workbench soldering a piece of circuitry together. DUM-E was waving a string above the floor as Nikola and Tesla hopped up to try and capture it with their paws. 

“Well aren’t you such a dad,” he teased, causing Tony to jump up. 

“Shit!” Tony cursed, narrowly avoiding burning himself. “Warn a guy next time, huh, Honeybear?” He turned off the machinery and took off his glasses before giving Rhodey a massive hug. 

“Good to see you too,” Rhodey grinned, clapping his back. 

“Now what’s this about me being a dad?” Tony asked, walking over to the kittens. He carefully scooped them up and brought them over to Rhodey to snuggle. 

Rhodey jerked his thumb towards the doorway. “Peter and Harley have the entire team convinced that you’re their real dad.”

“Huh,” Tony replied, quirking his brows. “Didn’t they watch the press conference?”

“Guess not,” Rhodey shrugged. 

“Huh,” Tony said again, a mischievous glint in his eye. “Well it would be cruel to deny the Avengers the opportunity to see a dad in action, right?” And with that, he left Rhodey holding the kittens as he bolted upstairs. 

“Let’s go see what Tony’s up to,” Rhodey cooed as the kittens purred and nuzzled his chin. He quickly followed after his best friend, who was hiding around the corner from the common room. He winked when he saw Rhodey and then snuck up behind the couch where the boys were playing video games.

“Why HELLO my precious SONS!” Tony practically shouted. 

Peter and Harley both shot up so fast that they smacked into Sam and Clint before falling into Steve on the floor. Clint cringed and clutched at the hearing aids attached to his ear.

“Jesus, old man!” Clint complained. “What the hell?!”

Tony, just like Peter and Harley did, hopped over the couch and settled his elbow nicely in Sam’s side. “Oh, you know, can’t a father check up on his sons after an eventful day at school?” he asked casually. Peter and Harley looked back Tony, who grinned back at them before giving them a sly wink. 

Nat narrowed her eyes at the trio before holding out her hand to Clint. “You owe me 20 bucks,” she said.

Clint shook his head. “Nuh, uh, I don’t owe you anything.”

Nat pointed at Peter and Harley. “They’re not his. 20 bucks.”

“What?” Bucky asked. “Nat, don’t be rude.”

Nat smoothly stood up from her spot on the floor and squatted until she was nose-to-nose with Harley and Peter. “Look me in the eye and tell me right now that he’s your father.”

The boys swallowed thickly, eyes darting nervously between each other. 

“O-o-of c-course he is,” Peter stuttered.

“One,” Nat counted.

“C’mon,” Harley added, “we’re clearly-”

“Two.”

Steve whistled. “I’d hate to see what happens when she gets to three,” he warned.

“Tony’s our-” Harley began.

“Thre-”

“HE’S NOT OUR REAL DAD BUT HE’S CLOSE ENOUGH!” Peter shouted before Nat could finish. Nat smirked and stepped back as Peter collapsed back against the couch. 

“Whimp,” Harley teased. Nat swiftly grabbed Harley by the wrist and flipped him heavily onto the couch, and therefore, onto Tony’s lap. 

“Gah!” Tony grunted. “Nat, why do you hate me so?”

“Hang on,” Sam interrupted. “What do you mean he’s not your dad?”

Peter blinked slowly at him. “Well, when babies are made, they get half their DNA from their dad, and half from their mom. We don’t share any DNA with Tony, so he’s not our dad.” The duh was implied.

Bucky choked back a laugh and managed to turn it into a cough, but Steve full out guffawed. Clint rolled his eyes and threw a pillow at Peter’s head.

“God, I hate kids,” Sam muttered.

Tony smacked his shoulder. “Watch it. Those are my unbiological children you’re talking about. Oh, and by the way, you'd know they weren't mine if you'd watched the press conference.”

"We were a little preoccupied with them escaping with Loki," Nat replied dryly. 

Clint tossed his controller to the side, narrowly missing Steve's shin. “Why are they even staying with you?" he asked. “If they’re not yours?”

“My mom’s on her honeymoon with her new husband,” Harley explained.

“My aunt’s in Texas for a training for her job,” Peter added. 

Clint quirked his eyebrows. “So Tony was the logical option? Really?”

Before Tony or Rhodey could protest Clint’s insinuation, Peter and Harley ferociously came to his defense.

“Tony is AWESOME at this shit,” Harley practically growled. 

Peter narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, he’s read parenting books and everything.”

Tony blushed. “Jesus, kid, spill all my secrets, why don't you?”

But Peter and Harley weren’t done.

“He makes sure we eat-”

“And there’s always snacks for us after school-”

“We got to decorate our rooms so it felt more like home-”

“And he’s always there when we need him-”

Clint held up his hands defensively. “Okay! I get it! I’m sorry!”

Harley frowned at Clint. “You know what? I think Peter’s right. Bucky’s my favorite uncle now.”

“Hey!”

Tony laughed and stood up, yanking Peter and Harley’s collars so they followed him. “C’mon, you heathens, let’s do an early dinner so we can watch a movie. You’re definitely having school tomorrow, so early bedtime, yeah?”

Harley and Peter groaned in protest but nestled perfectly into his side. “Maybe Thor will blast the power,” Harley mumbled.

Peter perked up. “Ooo yeah! Then we could spend the day with Loki agai-” He jolted to a stop as Tony halted and stared at them.

“What do you mean spend the day with Loki again ?!” Tony asked.

“Uh, well…”

“Because I remember calling and specifically asking you if Thor and Loki were with you-”

“Now hang on!” Harley interrupted. “You asked if THOR was with us. Which he wasn’t. But you didn’t ask about Loki.”

Tony closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he exploded. “YOU AND YOUR LOOPHOLES ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!”

“Aww, c’mon Tony!” Harley exclaimed. 

“NO! You’re the reason I have so much goddamn grey hair!”

Peter snickered. “I thought that was just because you’re old.”

“You know what, Parker!”

The three disappeared towards the kitchen, still yelling and bickering. Rhodey deposited Nikola and Tesla on the back of the couch and merely shook his head. 

“You know,” Bucky said thoughtfully, “even though he’s not their dad...he’s their dad.”

Steve nodded. “He’s a pretty good dad too.”

Chapter Text

“Are we there yet?” Clint groaned, banging the back of Peter’s seat. Nat jabbed him in the side, and a full out tickling match ensued. 

“Knock it off!” Steve barked, stepping on the gas to make a yellow light. 

Sam kicked the passenger seat, which was pressed up almost to his knees. “Move your damn seat up,” he growled to Bucky.

Bucky responded by turning up the radio. “What’s that?” he yelled over ABBA. “I can’t hear you!”

Harley banged his head against the window while Peter stared up at him sympathetically from the floor. “I never thought I would want Happy instead of the Avengers,” Harley muttered.

“Turn down the music!” Steve yelled. He laid into the horn as someone tried to cut him off.

“WHAT?!” Bucky called back. 

“GOD DAMMIT BUCK TURN DOWN THE-”

Peter shot out his wrist and used a thin web to yank the volume button to the side. The car was silent for a few merciful seconds, and the boys sighed in relief. 

It didn’t last long.

“Seriously, how far away is this school?” Clint complained again. “It feels like we’ve been driving for hours!”

“This was your idea, jackass,” Nat smirked. “You wanted to take the kids to school.”

“That was before I knew it was halfway across the world!”

Harley shook his head. “No, Happy’s on vacation visiting his sister, and Pepper was going to take us, but she got food poisoning from that nasty sushi you decided to order last night. So Birdbrain volunteered for carpool duty.”

“Poor Pepper,” Steve grimaced. “It must have been the dragon roll.” 

“Stop hating on the sushi,” Peter replied, poking Harley’s side. “It’s not our fault you don’t like raw fish.”

Harley poked him back. “It’s not my fault I prefer my fish fried,” he countered. “Besides, my stomach was all rolly too!” He wrapped his arms around his middle for further effect. “You know what? I think I’m sick too. I need to go hom-WATCH OUT!”

Steve stifled a few curses under his breath as he jerked the car to the right, narrowly avoided a bicyclist. “I hate driving in the city,” he mumbled. 

“You also suck at driving,” Bucky shot back. 

“You know what, Buck? You weren’t complaining in Germany, were you?”

“Don’t bring up Germany!” the entire car exclaimed. Steve slammed his breaks again in response.

“Oh god,” Harley moaned, “I think I am gonna get sick.”

Sam grinned and rubbed his hands over the smooth leather of his seat. “I still can’t believe Stark owns a minivan,” he chuckled, changing the subject.

“It’a a luxury vehicle,” Peter and Harley replied automatically over the chaos.

The cacophony of noise and complaining kept up all the way to Midtown. Sam was thisclose to murdering Bucky and his leg room hogging ways just as Steve pulled up to the curb. Peter and Harley wasted no time in grabbing their backpacks and practically jumping out of the car. 

“We won’t see you after school!” Clint called out the window. “Because we’re not doing this drive again!” Steve rolled it up until Clint’s head got stuck. “Be good!” he kept yelling. “Don’t do drugs!”

Peter and Harley watched as the car sped off down the street. “God, I hope someone else is actually picking us up,” Harley sighed, shouldering his backpack. “I don’t think I’ll make it back to Tennessee with a clean criminal record if they’re driving us home.”

“Home?” Peter grinned cheekily. “I thought Tennesee was home?”

Harley hid a smile as he blushed. “Shut up, Parker, you know what I mean.”

The school day was mostly uneventful, save for some singed eyebrows during a chemistry lab gone almost wrong thanks to Peter’s enthusiasm for a new acidic web formula. The extra day of break made it rough to get back into the swing of things, and the boys were more than ready to get back to the Tower to unwind (and ignore the mountain of homework looming over them). 

When they got outside, they didn’t see the luxury vehicle waiting for them. They didn’t even see one of Tony’s Audis. It wasn’t until Pepper Potts rolled the window down a more inconspicuous car that they realized who was there to take them home.

“Pepper!” Peter exclaimed, throwing open the passenger door. “Are you feeling better?”

Pepper smiled thinly, her skin still a bit pale in the sunlight. “A little.”

Harley quickly climbed in the back and shut his door. “Should you be driving? Do you want me to drive? Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked quickly. 

She let out a small laugh and motioned for them to buckle their seatbelts. “I’m okay,” she promised. “My stomach is still a bit upset but way better than this morning.” She cleared her throat, and if Peter didn’t know better, he would have said she looked nervous. “We actually need to make a pit stop, if that’s okay.”

Harley threw up his hands. “Hey, this will be a better car ride than this morning, so take us wherever you want!”

They made small talk in the car, but it was clear that Pepper was still off. She wasn’t as involved in the conversation, and she had a white knuckle grip against the steering wheel. About five minutes later, she snagged a street parking spot near a pharmacy. 

Pepper turned off the car and took a deep breath. “I need you boys to run in and buy something for me,” she said slowly. 

Peter and Harley already had their hands on the door handles. “What do you need?” they asked simultaneously. 

“Well…” She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. “I need you to buy a pregnancy test.”

The car was silent.

“Y-You need…” Peter stumbled. “You, uh…”

“You’re pregnant?” Harley asked, his jaw dropping open.

“I don’t know,” Pepper shot back. “That’s kind of the point of a pregnancy test.”

“Y-You...what?” Peter looked down at her stomach, and she flicked his forehead, a tense smile on her lips.

“I’m…late,” Pepper admitted. “I thought it was stress after the whole paparazzi thing in Atlantis, but then I got sick last night.”

“Yeah, but it was sushi,” Harley reasoned. “That shit’s nasty.”

Pepper shook her head. “Tony and I order from that place all the time, and it’s never made me sick.” 

“But why a pharmacy?” Harley asked. “Can’t you-”

“Please?” Pepper cut him off. “I don’t want to risk someone seeing me, and if I ask FRIDAY to analyze my urine at the Tower, it goes into a medical folder Tony has, and I don’t want to freak him out if it’s nothing.” She paused and took a deep breath. 

Peter finally found his voice. “Yeah. Yeah, of course we will.” Pepper reached into her purse to give him her credit card, but he shook his head. “I have some cash,” he said. “We don’t want people to trace it.”

Pepper smiled gratefully. “Thank you,” she sighed.

Peter and Harley headed outside and ducked into the pharmacy. It wasn’t crowded, and they found the family planning aisle. There were neat rows of pregnancy tests staring back at them.

“Which one do we get?” Peter hissed. “There’s so many!”

Harley shrugged. “Dude, she’s peeing on a stick. Just grab one!”

“But this is Pepper . It has to be the right one.” 

Harley rolled his eyes, but focused on the brands in front of him. “What about this?” Harley asked, pointing to a fancy test.

Peter squinted at the package. “Is that electronic? How is that even safe? Electronics and water don’t mix!”

“Do you really think they’d make a pregnancy test that shocks you when you pee on it?” Harley snarked.

“I’m just saying…”

“Aw Jesus,” Harley muttered. He grabbed four of the more expensive tests (including the electronic one) and shoved two in Peter’s hands. “C’mon, let’s just go before Pepper freaks out more.”

They ignored the judgemental stare of the cashier and shoved the boxes under their shirts as they ran back to the car. Once they were inside, Pepper drove off. 

“Thank you,” she said, her voice filled with sincerity. 

“Anytime,” Harley replied. 

Peter quickly pointed to the left when they stopped at the light. “Turn here.”

“Why?” Pepper asked.

Peter blushed and fidgeted with the bottom of his shirt. “Well, uh, you want to keep this on the down low for a little right? Maybe taking the test at the Tower isn’t a good idea. But...but my apartment isn’t far from here.”

Pepper could have kissed him. “You’re a genius!” she exclaimed.

“I don’t know about that,” Harley scoffed. “He put his milk in the bowl before the cereal yesterday.”

“Dude, I was tired!”

They bickered, with Peter stopping to give directions, for the rest of the ride to Peter’s apartment. It didn’t stop until they got into the apartment and the reality of the situation hit them in full force. Peter and Harley each handed her two tests, and she couldn’t help but laugh as she put them in her purse.

“Really?” she snickered. “Four tests?”

They shrugged with sheepish grins on their faces. “We just wanted you to be sure,” Harley replied. 

“Well,” Pepper said, “I’m just going to…” She backed up towards the bathroom, and shut the door.

Peter and Harley peered down the hall at the closed door. Harley quietly smacked Peter’s shoulder for staring, and Peter quietly smacked him back because he was staring too, and they devolved into a smacking match that somehow led into one of them turning on the TV to kill time and distract them from what Pepper was doing in the bathroom. 

Peter heard the soft click of the door unlocking first, and Harley followed his gaze over the couch. 

Pepper walked out, her hands empty. She stood up tall, and looked more composed than she had been since she picked the boys up from school. 

“Ready to go?” she asked calmly, fixing her purse on her shoulder. 

Peter and Harley glanced at each other and then back at Pepper. Harley cleared his throat. “Uh...are you...uh, you know?” He looked at Pepper with an almost pleading look in his eye, as if asking her to take away the awkwardness of the situation. 

A huge smile burst across Pepper’s face as she brought her hands gently to her stomach.

“Yeah, sweetheart. I’m pregnant.”

Chapter Text

“TONY STARK!”

Tony winced as May’s shrill voice pierced through the kitchen. Sam and Bucky smirked at him from the island, and Clint whistled low as he drank directly from the coffee pot. Steve winced while Nat seemed completely unbothered by the whole thing. Bruce had stepped into the entryway of the kitchen, but he promptly turned around and headed back towards his bedroom, May’s wrath undesirable this early in the morning. Thor and Loki continued into the kitchen, content to let the chaos play on.

“Hi May,” Tony said weakly, wondering what he did to earn this outburst. “How’s Texas?”

“No, no, no,” May seethed. “Don’t ‘how’s Texas’ me! I asked you to keep an eye on him, Tony!”

Tony wrinkled his nose. “What, Peter? He’s fine! He and Harley left for school a little bit ago!”

“Yeah, okay, fine now, but he wasn’t fine yesterday!”

“What?” Tony asked, the blood draining from his face. “What happened yesterday?” He turned to the others sitting around the kitchen. “What the hell happened yesterday?”

“Nothing!” Steve insisted. “They both got to school fine! They were fine!”

May sighed loudly on the other end. “Then explain to me why my nosy-ass neighbor sent me a TEXT with a PICTURE of Peter and Harley buying goddamn pregnancy tests in Queens!”

The entire kitchen went silent. Even Nat stopped chewing.

“E-Ex-Excuse me?” Tony whispered. “They...they did what?”

May’s voice echoed a bit as she put it on speaker. “I’m sending it to you now.” 

Tony’s phone buzzed, and he swiped it open with slightly shaky hands. Sure enough, there was a crappy photo of Harley and Peter shoving boxes under their shirts. 

Clint poked his head over Tony’s shoulder. “Those could be anything,” he said, taking a huge bite out of a bagel. Tony shouldered Clint out of the way as he tried to zoom in. 

“May, I hate to agree with Barton over here, but he’s technically not wrong,” Tony reasoned.

“Listen,” May sighed, “Jake may be the most obnoxious person on the planet, but their gossip is always accurate. Scarily accurate.”

“FRIDAY, enhance the image,” Tony said. He placed the phone on the counter and watched as a hologram of the image appeared in the air. “Now zoom in here,” he ordered, circling his fingers around a box edge that wasn’t completely hidden by Peter’s shirt. FRIDAY complied, and Tony couldn’t deny the “-GNANCY TEST” mocking him in pixelated form.

“Well shit,” Bucky muttered.

Steve motioned towards the hall. “We should leave,” he suggested. Everyone but Loki grabbed their things and followed suit. Thor calmly walked back and yanked his brother out of his seat before dragging him out of the kitchen.

“May,” Tony said softly after a few moments, “there are a million possible explanations. It could have been for a friend. Or a science experiment. I mean, they’re not even seeing anyone for Christ’s sake!”

“You don’t have to be seeing someone to have sex!” Clint shouted from down the hall. He let out a massive yelp and Tony heard a THUD. “Seriously, Nat?” Clint whined, his voice getting quieter as Nat dragged him away. 

“Sorry,” Tony groaned, rubbing his temples. “We’ve got company.”

“Peter texted me pictures of Mario Kart,” May replied, her voice wet. She sniffed. “I really hope you’re right, by the way. Have they been acting weird?”

Tony thought back to the last 24 hours. Peter and Harley had barely left their rooms the night before, claiming to have a mountain of homework. Then they headed out practically right away for school today. And they were definitely less chatty than normal…Tony gulped, not wanting to freak May out any more. It could all just be a coincidence, right? 

“No weirder than normal,” he chuckled weakly, trying to mask his white lie. “Have you talked to Peter?”

“No.” May let out a soft laugh. “I didn’t want to freak out at him before I knew for sure.”

“I’m sure,” Tony said calmly, “that there is a perfectly logical, Peter-like explanation for all of this. Or Harley-like.” 

May groaned and let out a huge sigh. “You’re right. You’re totally right. Sorry for yelling at you.”

Tony chuckled. “I mean, it’s not like I don’t deserve to get yelled at every now and then.” He paused. “Listen, I’ll pick up the kids after school and let you know what happens. Sound good?”

“Yeah,” May replied, relief evident in her voice. “Thanks Tony.” She ended the call, and the kitchen was silent again. Tony drummed his fingers against the counter, trying to curb his anxiety.

“There’s a perfectly logical explanation,” he muttered to himself. “It’s Peter and Harley.” He mumbled a bit more as he debated what to do. 

“FRIDAY, call Pepper for me,” he finally said, tilting his head up to the ceiling.

FRIDAY’s response was quick. “Miss Potts has activated Do Not Disturb mode until this afternoon because, and I quote, ‘I’m doing all the work you’ve put off, dear.’ Would you like to leave her a message?” 

Tony rolled his eyes as he stood up. “Uhh…” He paused. How the hell was he going to put this in a text message? “Well...hmmm...just tell her to meet us at the diner at 4 o’clock? The trashy one we used to go to. This feels like a diner situation. Let her know we need to talk to the kids and why.” He stopped and glanced at the ceiling frantically. “But let her know it’s probably nothing anyway,” he added quickly. “Um, hopefully nothing.” He shook his head to stop his rambling. “Anyway push this through so she gets it in time please.”

“On it. Good luck, Boss,” FRIDAY replied, as if Tony were going off to war. 

Tony sighed and glanced down at his phone as he contemplated how the hell he was going to waste the next six hours of his life.

“You know you two can tell me anything right?”

Peter and Harley stopped mid-suck and stared at Tony over their milkshakes. He was sitting on the opposite bench of the diner’s booth, tapping his fingers distractedly against the fiberglass table top. 

“I mean,” Tony continued with a cough, “you’ve both been really quiet since yesterday. And, uh, I just wanted you to know that. That you can tell me anything, I mean.”

Harley swallowed and glanced over at Peter, who was gripping the edge of the table so hard that it was starting to bend a bit. “Yeah, we know,” Harley assured him, nudging Peter with his elbow. 

“Totally know,” Peter replied, his voice cracking as he tried to maintain a calm smile. It looked more like a grimace, and Harley winced at Peter’s awkwardness.

“Good, good,” Tony muttered, nodding his head. He looked at them expectantly, and the boys stared right back at him. “So?” he prompted. “Is there anything you want to talk about?”

“No?” they replied, the question hidden in their voices.

“Friend trouble?” Tony pressed. “School trouble? Relationship trouble?”

Harley and Peter both paled at the last one and quickly dove back into their milkshakes to avoid actually answering the question. They hummed against their straws noncommittally, and Tony pinched his nose in frustration. 

“I know about the goddamn pregnancy tests, okay?!” he shot out. He bit back a laugh when he looked up at Peter and Harley again. Their cheeks were sucked in against their straws and their eyes practically bugged out of their heads. Tony looked down at the table because surely the color that had drained from their faces was now laying in a pool at the bottom of their glasses. 

Peter recovered first, pulling away from his straw with a smacking noise. “W-Wh-What?” he squeaked. 

Tony took a deep breath and relaxed the stress lines in his forehead. “I know about the pregnancy tests,” he repeated. 

“How?” Harley asked suspiciously. “Were you following us around?”

Tony bit back a chuckle. “No, you just happened to be in the presence of a nosy neighbor of Peter’s.”

Peter scrunched his nose up and then gasped. “Jake!” He groaned and banged his head on the table. “Damn it!” He paused and lifted his head quickly. “Hang on, how did Jake get ahold of you?”

“They didn’t,” Tony replied. “They got ahold of your aunt and your aunt got ahold of me. That was a fun conversation, let me tell ya.”

“Aunt May knows?” Peter asked, his voice dropping low. “Oh god…”

Tony held out his hands placatingly. “I told her there was probably a good explanation and not to worry.”

“Oh good,” Harley finally chimed in. 

Tony waited for them to explain, but when neither teen said anything else, he let out an exasperated sigh. “So?” he asked. “Can I please have this perfectly logical explanation?”

Harley glanced over at Peter and then cleared his throat. “Perfectly logical explanation. Right. Well, um…” He trailed off. Pepper had told them not to say anything, and they couldn’t let her down now. 

“Ned and I are having a baby!” Peter exclaimed loudly. 

“What?!” Harley and Tony asked, looking at him with dropped jaws.

Peter nodded. “Yup. Me and Ned. Baby. We are...having a baby.”

“You and Ned?” 

Peter nodded.

“Are having a baby?”

Peter nodded again, swallowing back some nerves as he did so. He really didn’t think this through.

“You sure it’s not you and MJ?” Tony asked, raising his brows. 

Peter opened and closed his mouth like a fish. He just shot himself in the foot and he knew it. “N-Nope,” he said nervously. “Me and Ned.”

“Kiddo,” Tony sighed. “That’s not...I mean I think I know Ned pretty well, but that’s not...that’s not possible.”

Harley’s expression brightened. “It’s for health class!” he said.

“Health class?” Tony asked, feeling more and more like a parrot the longer this conversation continued. 

“Yeah,” Harley continued. “We partnered up and have to be in charge of babies.”

“So the baby already exists?” Tony asked. Harley and Peter nodded. “Then why did you need the pregnancy tests?”

“Well, you see,” Harley replied as if it were obvious, “we needed them for science.”

“I thought this was for health class.”

“It is!” Peter said. “We needed the pregnancy tests to see which one was most effective.”

Tony blinked a few times. “And how exactly are you testing the effectiveness of said pregnancy tests since you and Ned can’t get pregnant?”

“Uh, well…” Peter stalled. “We have...pregnant urine?” 

“How the hell can urine be pregnant?” Tony asked, the corners of his mouth twitching up as he tried not to smile. 

Harley took the lead on this one. “It’s not!” he scoffed. “Obviously, it’s urine that is FROM pregnant people.”

“Obviously,” Tony replied dryly. “So which one was the most effective?”

"Huh?" Harley asked.

"Which pregnancy test was the most effective?" Tony repeated slowly.

Peter laughed nervously. “The, uh, blue one?”

“Oh my god,” Harley muttered, letting his head fall against the table.

“Alright, Tony,” a voice laughed from behind them. “That’s enough torture, don’t you think?” Pepper Potts slid smoothly into the booth next to Tony and pecked his cheek with a kiss. Harley lifted his head up as Peter gaped at Pepper. 

“See,” Tony replied smugly, “I don’t think it was quite enough torture. I’m pretty sure they could have kept going.”

“He knows?” Harley asked, pointing at Tony. “Does he know?”

Pepper blushed a bit as she nodded. “Yeah, he does. I told him when he texted me in a panic about you and the tests.”

“Oh thank GOD!” Harley exclaimed. 

Peter slumped against the wall of the booth and groaned. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep a secret THIS BIG from you?!” 

Pepper reached across and ruffled both of their heads. “You did a wonderful job,” she chuckled. “My heroes.” 

“And your aunt does think you got someone pregnant by the way,” Tony added with a smirk. “Might want to call her to straighten that up.”

Peter just groaned again and slid further down the bench until only his nose and eyes were peeking up over the edge of the table. “Are you excited?” he asked, his voice muffled.

Tony intertwined his fingers with Pepper’s and pulled her hand up so he could kiss her knuckles. “Terrified,” he replied honestly as he looked into her eyes. “But so, so goddamn excited.” He glanced back at the boys and gave them a smile. “You two, uh, interested in being around? After this whole arrangement is over?” 

“Seriously?” Harley asked. “Me too?”

“Yeah, kid. Tennessee isn’t that far in the jet.” 

Harley nodded enthusiastically. “Hell yeah!” 

Pepper motioned for them to come over. “I want a picture of us,” she said. The boys began to grumble, but she shut them up with a glare. “I’m pregnant. Don’t make me repeat myself.”

Harley quickly scrambled to the other side while Peter continued his descent under the table and popped up between Pepper and Tony. Pepper held the phone out and the four smiled as she tapped the screen to take the picture. She held it out, and the others approved before she pocketed it away. 

“Hey,” Harley smirked, “I guess this means you don’t know how to use a condom then, huh?” 

Tony narrowed his eyes, but they brightened again. “Hah, funny. Speaking of kids, I wonder if we could trace this one’s conception. Do you think it happened in Atlantis?”

Pepper wrapped an arm around Harley so he couldn’t escape as she contemplated Tony’s question. “Hmm, no, too early. Maybe the lab?”

Tony clicked his tongue as he grabbed the back of Peter’s neck as the teen tried to sneak under the table and away from the conversation. “When are you due?”

“Beginning of January,” she replied. 

“Nah, still too early.” 

He and Pepper both looked at each other and grinned. “Movie night!”

“Oh my god,” Harley moaned.

Peter buried his head into Tony’s shoulder. “Make it stop, please!” 

Tony and Pepper laughed but stopped antagonizing the teens. They all sat in the cramped booth, arms wrapped around each other. The perfect little family.

Plus one.

Chapter Text

“What the hell are you doing Parker?!” Harley yelped as he jumped back from the stove. 

Peter tried to keep the panicked look off his face as the water began to boil over the pot, causing it to hiss and simmer as it touched the hot burner. “I’m getting the water ready!”

“Rolling boil, Peter!” Harley exclaimed. “That is NOT rolling!”

“No?” Peter replied, lifting the pot up. “Well it’s certainly rolling out!”

“It’s actually spilling at this point,” Loki chimed in unhelpfully from their spot at the island. 

Peter shot them a glare and groaned as he put the pot down on a different, unheated burner. “Why is this so hard?” he whined.

Harley bit his cheek to stop from laughing. “I mean, to be fair, there is a reason your aunt didn’t trust you alone for a month.”

"Stuff it, Keener,” Peter grumbled. He sighed and opened the cookbook back up. He and Harley had dug it out of the pantry and were trying to make dinner for Pepper and Tony to celebrate the baby. Things, however, were not going well. 

“You know,” Loki coughed, “it probably wouldn’t spill if you turned the heat down a bit.”

Harley quirked an eyebrow at Loki. “You know how to cook?”

Loki shrugged. “I dabbled,” they replied. “I think I can manage...what are you making again?”

“Chicken carbonara,” Peter replied.

Harley opened the cookbook and showed Loki the recipe. “It’s basically pasta, chicken, and some bacon.”

Loki hummed as they scanned over the recipe. “I see...and where are we killing the meat?”

Peter looked at them in horror. “What?! No! We already have the meat.”

“And you didn’t kill it yourself? What a waste.” 

“On Earth, we have grocery stores. Things are already dead,” Harley said. 

“Well that doesn’t sound fun,” Loki muttered. They ran a finger down the cookbook page and nodded confidently. “I can help you,” they finally said.

Peter looked at them suspiciously. “And what do we owe you if we accept your generous offer?” 

Loki pretended to look offended. “Do you really think that little of me? That I would require payment for a good deed?”

“Yes,” the teens deadpanned. 

“Fine,” Loki grinned mischievously. “I require assistance with a...playful endeavor against Thor.”

Harley giggled. “You want to play a prank on your brother?”

“To call it a prank is so juvenile,” Loki replied. “But yes.”

Peter and Harley glanced at each other, their mess on the oven, and then back at Loki. 

“You’ve got a deal.”

Tony was jamming along to AC/DC as he worked on his newest project. He was so engrossed that he had barely noticed that almost ten hours had passed since he first entered his lab. He let out a soft groan when FRIDAY cut off his music. 

“Aw, Fri!” Tony complained. “You threw off my groove!”

“Sorry, Boss,” FRIDAY replied, not sounding very sorry at all. “But your presence is requested at dinner.”

Tony waved his hand in the air and bent back over his project. “I’ll skip tonight and get some later,” he said. “Need to get this finished.”

“Peter and Harley would like to remind you that they are leaving in less than three days, and they worked extremely hard on this meal, and you would be a, and I quote, “Class A asshole” to avoid their-”

“Okay, okay,” Tony interrupted. “I get the point.” He tossed down his tools and pulled off his glasses. “Way to guilt trip me there, Fri.”

“I do what I can,” FRIDAY replied. 

“Did they really make food themselves?” Tony asked.

“They had some assistance from Loki.”

Tony grimaced as he headed towards the elevator. “Any chance the food is poisoned?”

“I think it would have been more poisoned if Loki hadn’t intervened.” 

Pepper and Tony made it to the dining room at the same time. WIthout even saying a word, Tony intertwined his fingers with Pepper’s and lifted her hand for a kiss. Pepper reached over and wiped something off Tony’s nose. 

“Oh my god, you two are so gross,” Harley groaned as he peeked his head around the corner. “Would you two saps just get in here already?”

Pepper laughed as Tony pulled her into the dining room. The table was set for four, and a huge dish of chicken carbonara sat proudly in the center. Peter pulled out Pepper’s chair while Harley started dishing out the food.

“Well this looks good!” Pepper commented. 

Peter smiled proudly. “We totally made it. Well, most of it.”

“Loki may have helped a little,” Harley admitted. “But, like, not that much. We totally had it under control.”

Tony made a mental note to check the security footage from the kitchen later. He picked up his fork and swirled it around the pasta before taking a bite. He made a noise as his taste buds came into contact with the most bizarre texture he had ever tasted. The chicken and bacon were phenomenal. From a meat standpoint, Tony would have given them a solid 9. But the pasta on the other hand…

“Wow,” Pepper commented, trying to keep her face neutral. “It’s so…” She turned to Tony. “How would you describe it?”

Tony swallowed the chewy lump of pasta with a thick gulp. He glanced at Peter and Harley, who were waiting patiently for a review. “Unique?” he tried.

The teens let out a sigh of relief. “Thank god,” Peter said. “Loki was in charge of the meat, and we handled the pasta.”

“Never would have guessed,” Tony replied dryly, and Pepper swiftly kicked him under the table.

“Yeah,” Harley scoffed, “it’s not like you can mess up pasta.”

Pepper took another bite to stop the laughter that threatened to spill out of her. “So good,” she lied, covering his mouth. 

Peter and Harley, satisfied with Tony and Pepper’s reactions, both took their own ginormous bites of the carbonara. It took all of .5 seconds for them to spit out their mouthfuls of food, much to Tony and Pepper’s chagrin.

“Ah mah god, it tathes like rubber!” Harley exclaimed as he wiped his tongue off with his fork. 

Peter meanwhile, looked like those cats with the shocked faces when someone puts a flower on top of their head. He just stared down at his plate of food as if it had committed the worst act of betrayal. 

Pepper reached out and rubbed his hand comfortingly. “It was a really good effort, sweetheart,” she soothed.

Tony nodded. “We really appreciate this guys. Seriously.” He picked up the fork again, and poked another small bite.

“Tony,” Harley said, “you don’t need to eat anymore.”

Tony dropped his fork with a clatter. “Oh thank god because I’m not sure if I could have done it.”

Harley and Peter busted out laughing, and Pepper quickly joined in. Soon, they were hunched over the table with tears rolling down their eyes.

“Pizza and movies?” Pepper asked, wiping her cheeks. 

“Uh, hell yeah!” Harley exclaimed. “We totally need toppings, right?”

Pepper hummed thoughtfully. “Oooo, mushrooms and pineapple sound good.”

Tony blinked at Pepper. “On...on separate pizzas right?” he asked.

“Are you seriously judging my food choices right now?” Pepper asked, giving him a mock-glare.

“Hey,” Harley cut in, “respect the pregnancy cravings. She’s eating for two.”

“Okay, eating for two justifies quantity, it does NOT justify the combination of pineapple and mushroom,” Tony replied, wrinkling his nose.

Pepper flicked him in the head. “Just for that, the boys are picking the movie.”

“Aw, c’mon! You know they’re just going to pick-”

“STAR WARS!” Peter and Harley shouted.

Tony groaned and put his head in his hands. “Can’t we pick a different one?”

Harley shook his head. “It’s never too early to introduce Baby Potts to the best franchise in the universe.”

“Agreed,” Peter nodded, and he fist-bumped Harley. 

As they stood up, Tony wrapped his arms around both their shoulders. “Horrible influences, both of you.” But they all knew he didn’t mean a single thing he said. 

And when Thor discovered every single piece of his furniture attached to the ceiling the next day, well…

No one could say that Harley and Peter didn’t hold up their ends of a bargain.

Chapter Text

“I cannot believe we’re doing this,” Steve muttered, following Clint into Midtown’s front entrance. He blushed and ducked his head as he saw some of his PSA posters hanging in the halls. “This goes against every-”

“Oh chillax,” Clint interrupted. “It’s not like we’re kidnapping anyone.”

Bucky tugged the sleeve of his jacket self-consciously and tried to avoid the gazes of curious students. “Really?” he asked. “Because that feels like exactly what we’re doing.”

Clint shook his head and grabbed the handle to the front office door. “You saw how miserable everyone was this morning. If anything, this is an intervention.”

No matter how much they wanted to deny it, Steve and Bucky couldn’t argue that Tony, Pepper, Peter, and Harley were a tad...melancholic to say the least. In just two days the boys would be back living in their original homes and the Tower would quite empty once again. Well, as empty as it could be with the Potts/Stark clan and the Avengers. But still, it wouldn’t be the same without the teens. 

“It’s not going to work!” Steve hissed as Clint walked up to the secretary. “You can’t just-”

Clint tried to slide up smoothly to the desk, but he wound up tripping on a loose shoelace and sort of tumbled into it. The secretary looked up with a bemused smile on his face. 

“Hi there!” Clint exclaimed, recovering quickly. “We’re here to pick up Peter Keener and Harley Parker.”

“Harley Keener and Peter Parker,” Steve corrected. 

The secretary swallowed now that he recognized that Captain America was standing in the front office. “Uh...do you, I mean, are you an emergency contact? Or authorized to pick up?”

Steve, Clint, and Bucky blinked. “Dude,” Clint said, recovering first. “We’re the Avengers.”

“Aren’t you missing a Hulk?” the secretary asked. “And a god?”

Clint bristled. “Okay, listen, we’re half the team. Well, a fourth since this one-” he flicked his thumb towards Bucky- “isn’t technically an Avenger.”

“Listen,” Steve said, stepping in front of Clint and effectively cutting him off, “we’re just trying to pick up two kids.”

Bucky groaned and put his head in his hands. “You idiot, that sounds so bad!”

The secretary sat up a little bit straighter. “I’m sorry, but it doesn’t matter if you’re Captain America. Or a...fourth of the Avengers or whatever. If you’re not on their emergency contact or authorized pickup list, you can’t take them.”

“You really couldn’t wait five minutes for me to park the car?” a voice boomed from behind them. Steve, Clint, and Bucky turned around while the secretary peeked up from over his desk. Tony Stark strutted into the front office, pulled off his purple-tinted sunglasses, and stuck them in the pocket of his suit jacket. 

“M-M-Mr. Stark!” The secretary hopped up in a rush. “What, uh, why, uh, I mean...”

“Well as the dear Captain said, I’m here to pick up Peter Parker and Harley Keener,” Tony replied smoothly. He leaned against the counter, causing the secretary to sit back down in his chair. “Can we get them up here please?” 

“Right away!” While Peter and Harley were getting called up, Tony turned back around and winked at the others.

Bucky leaned in towards Steve. “Does he seem weird to you?”

“You mean compared to normal?” Clint interjected, looking defeated that his plan hadn’t worked. 

They didn’t have to wait much longer before Peter and Harley came into the office with their things. They both wore confused expressions on their face which just deepened when they saw who was waiting for them. 

“There they are!” Tony exclaimed. “Ready to blow this popsicle stand?” He quickly snatched the pen the secretary handed him and scribbled his signature on the pick up paper. Then he gently guided Peter and Harley out of the office without another word. Steve, Bucky, and Clint followed them closely behind.

As soon as they got outside, Harley and Peter stopped and crossed their arms. 

“What the hell Loki?” Harley asked. 

“Loki?” Steve repeated, looking at Tony incredulously. 

Tony sighed and rolled his eyes beneath his glasses. “Fine, you caught me.” With a faint green shimmer, Tony’s form dissolved and transformed into teenage Loki. 

“I knew it!” Peter and Harley both exclaimed. 

“How?!” Loki asked, looking miffed. “My transformations are perfect.”

Peter shook his head. “Tony hates being handed things,” he explained. “He never would have taken the pen.”

Loki let out a small curse of annoyance and turned to Harley. “Is that how you knew too?”

A blush creeped up Harley’s neck. “Not exactly…” He cleared his throat before offering an explanation. “You just...didn’t smell like Tony.” Peter’s eyes widened as he nodded in agreement.

Bucky crossed his arms and smirked. “Oh yeah? And what does Tony smell like?”

“Motor oil and aftershave,” Harley replied with a shrug. “And...uh, safe.” 

“How can someone smell safe?” Clint asked. 

Harley shrugged, but Steve and Bucky, on the other hand, nodded knowingly. “That’s…” Steve started to say.

“Nauseating,” Clint finished. He barely managed to duck and avoid Bucky’s hand smacking the back of his head.

“It’s nice, you asshole,” Bucky replied with a glare. 

Clint grumbled and rolled his eyes, but he didn’t do any more to argue the point. “Can we go now, please?” he begged.

“Go where?” Peter asked. 

“Yeah, why’re you guys kidnapping us anyway?” Harley added.

“I wouldn’t exactly call it kidnapping,” Steve defended. “It’s more like…it’s more like…” He glanced at Clint and Bucky.

“It’s more like a sadness intervention,” Clint clarified. “Your puppy dog eyes around the Tower were killing us.” 

Peter crossed his arms. “And what does this sadness intervention look like?” he asked curiously. 

Tony gave his thrusters a little extra juice and he zoomed through the New York air. His heart pounded in his chest as sweat dripped down his face. He willed his suit to go faster, just a little faster.

“ETA?” he asked FRIDAY tersely. 

“Less than a minute, Boss,” she replied. The red dot continued to blink steadily as it had for the past ten minutes since Tony had gotten the call and flew (quite literally) out of the Tower. He saw his destination in Central Park and dodged his way through some trees until he came to a secluded clearing. He landed with a massive bang that shook the area around him. Before he could catch his breath, he aimed his repulsors out at-

“Tony!” Peter exclaimed. “What the hell!”

Tony quickly scanned the area for the danger he was expecting but just saw Peter and Harley standing over a picnic blanket and bags of food. 

“Where’s the enemy?” he asked breathlessly, still encased in his suit. 

“What enemy?” Harley asked. “We’re fine!”

Tony’s faceplate lifted up as he looked around, not believing them. “Clint called...said there was an emergency...with you two in Central Park…” He glanced back at the boys. “There’s no danger?”

“No!” they replied in unison. 

Tony felt his knees give out and he tumbled forward. “Jesus Christ,” he gasped. “FRI, release.” The suit opened up and he came tumbling out, wheezing as he fought to catch his breath. “What. The. Hell!” 

Peter and Harley rushed over and helped Tony sit into a more comfortable position. He immediately placed one hand over each of their hearts, feeling their steady (albeit slightly rapid) heartbeats. 

“Tony?!” Pepper’s panicked voice came from behind them. “Oh my god!” 

“I think he’s having a heart attack,” Harley said unhelpfully. 

Tony pushed him away and collapsed onto the ground. “Shut up, I’m just catching my breath.”

“Because of the heart attack?” Harley asked. 

Tony glared at him from his spot on the ground as Pepper’s face blocked out the sun. She looked down at him worriedly. “Why the hell aren’t they in school? What’s going on?” She whirled around and pointed at Peter and Harley. “Explain. Now.”

“We were kidnapped!” Peter said quickly. “But by Steve and Clint and them!” he added, seeing Tony and Pepper’s faces drain of color.

“They said it was a sadness intervention,” Harley said. “Bucky and Loki helped us raid a Pret a Manger for food. Steve and Clint were supposed to call you to let you know.”

Tony groaned as he sat up. “I’m gonna kill Clint,” he promised. “Shithead said you two needed help in Central Park.” He shook his head. “You’re supposed to be in school! What the hell was I supposed to think?!”

“And Steve,” Pepper said, “called and said they pulled you out of school to play hooky with us since you’re leaving soon.” 

Tony looked over Peter and Harley again. “You’re sure you’re okay?” he asked softly. 

Peter shrugged and gave a small grin. “Just slightly traumatized from Steve’s driving-”

“Tell me about it,” Harley muttered.

“-but yeah, we’re good.” Peter held out one of the bags. “We got a whole bunch of stuff!” 

Harley reached into a bag of his own and pulled out a baseball and frisbee. “We also brought these if you want!”

Pepper smiled and peeked in the bag. “No gloves for the ball?” she teased.

Harley rolled his eyes. “Listen, Loki was looking all murdery because some lady wanted him to get foot cream off the tall shelf, so I grabbed what I could.”

Tony sighed. “Why am I not surprised Loki was involved in all this?”

“Hey,” Peter pointed out, “if he hadn’t been at school, they never would have let Clint take us.”

Harley nodded. “Yeah, only our emergency contacts could pull us out. And thank god, Clint and Spangles aren’t two of them.”

Tony connected the dots in his mind. “Wait...are you telling me that Loki...aw Jesus.”

“Don’t worry, we saw through it right away,” Peter assured him. “Ask Harley how he knew.”

Harley gave him a death glare before throwing the frisbee at Peter’s head. Thanks to Peter’s reflexes, he caught it before it made contact with his head. He threw it back at Harley and it soon devolved into a frisbee tag war. 

Tony and Pepper helped themselves to some food and watched the teens with amused grins. A wave of unexpected sadness came over Tony, and he put his sandwich down with a sigh.

“They’re going home tomorrow,” he said softly. Pepper carded a hand through his hair and hummed in acknowledgement. 

“Peter’s still in the city and Harley can visit anytime,” Pepper pointed out. 

“But it’s not the same.”

“I know.”

“We could keep them,” Tony half-joked. “Move Harley’s family here, give everyone a floor in the Tower…”

Pepper chuckled and kissed his forehead. “You know that won’t work.”

“It could.”

“Tony…”

“Hey!” Pepper and Tony focused back on Peter and Harley, who were heading back over. Their hair was disheveled and Peter had a grass stain on his shoulder of all places.

“Stop being all mopey!” Harley demanded. “You’re supposed to be our sadness intervention, remember?”

“Oh is that how it is?” Pepper laughed. She reached over and grabbed the baseball. “Keep away!” she yelled, tossing it to Tony.

Tony quickly scrambled up and threw it back to Pepper, narrowly avoiding Harley’s elbow in his gut. 

They spent the rest of the afternoon in that little section of the park, one happy little family.