Work Text:
Julian sits quietly and alone in his room. He is trying to figure out what to do next. He can never really just relax, there's always something he needs to consider, or take care of. But for some reason, he has a moment alone.
Mark knocks on his door, and Julian tells him to come in.
"Do you desire conversation?" Mark asks, and it's phrasing like that that always reminds Julian of Mark's faerie nature and the time he spent with the Hunt. He's grown a bit fond of it since he's been back.
"Maybe," Julian's not sure whether he wants to talk or not. Maybe some company would still be good.
Mark closes the door and sits next to him on his bed. Julian was feeling an itch to paint, but he wasn't sure what. (It's a lie. He wants to paint Emma, always Emma these days.) He's holding a paint brush, trying to find inspiration that doesn't come across as creepy or revealing.
Mark looks at Julian's hands, and he's not sure what Mark sees in them before he says "All he cares about are his art, and his Emma."
It sounds like Mark is quoting something but Julian doesn't know what.
"That's what I said about you, when I was still in the Hunt, before I knew what came of Helen and Aline, of Arthur. I didn't know you had to do it all on your own even them. You were so young. I thought I knew you. But I didn't know how strong you were." Mark pauses, and gives Julian a sad smile, "But I was right too. Your art and Emma, those are the only things you have that are *yours*, aren't they? Emma especially. It's always been about her, for you."
Julian swallows. He's not sure where this conversation is going, and he's not sure whether he will like how it turns out.
"I was surprised, when I came back to find you had become parabatai."
"I had to keep her with me. With us. She's family. Clave would have separated us otherwise," Julian defends his choice. And it's not like he knew what would happen. How can you expect falling for your parabatai when you don't even know if you *can* fall for anyone.
"You did the right thing. And I'm proud of you for that, and everything else you did when I was gone, and you didn't have Helen and Aline to help you."
Julian doesn't know what else to say but a quiet, "Thanks."
"I sorely wish I could have been there for you. With the kids. And when you were realizing you were different. I would have liked to help you through it."
Julian doesn't know what to say.
"It's only been Emma, hasn't it? She's the only person you've loved?"
Julian picks at the spots of paint from his hands, avoiding Mark's two-colored gaze. "Yeah." After a moment, he adds, "The mundanes call it demisexuality." Saying the word out loud feels weird, but good.
Mark smiles and squeezes Julian's shoulder. "Did you ever talk to Helen about this? She might have understood."
Julian sighs, "We got one phonecall a week, and I didn't..." Julian shrugs, "It was one sided, and forbidden. No reason to tell."
Suddenly, Mark talks with an urgency in his voice, "Julian, I want you to know, I never would have taken part in Emma's fake dating scheme if I had known. I never wanted to hurt you."
Julian looks at Mark finally, "I know. I just wanted both of you to be happy. It hurt, but I didn't want... I wouldn't have said anything."
"Oh, Julian, my dreamer. You deserve happiness. You deserve it with Emma."
Julian gives a bitter laugh, "There's a curse. Parabatai aren't supposed to love one another like this."
Mark doesn't know what to say to that. He has no idea how to fix the situation. But he can give Julian his support.
"If you ever want to discuss this, I'm here."
"Thanks."
Once again, Julian is overcome with relief that his brother is back, that he has someone to share the burden with. There are many things Mark can't help him with yet, and there ways he makes things more difficult (Tavvy is a sugar bag comes to mind) but his presence is an undeniable gift.
"I'm glad to have my brother back," he whispers.
Mark decides to chance it and hugs Julian and it was the right call, Julian hugs him back.
"I'm glad to be back for you all."