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Dean hadn’t set out to kiss Cas. Well, not tonight, anyway. Eventually he was going to kiss him. Some day. Not today. Not a few moments ago. He had a plan. Some sort of big reveal. Like a spectacular poetic confession by candlelight with the first kiss at the end of the date. He was going to be smooth and charming as fuck, a total gentleman, and sweep Cas off his feet. Then they’d live happily ever after. Maybe. If Dean ever worked up the nerve.
But you know that’s not how it happened. They were decorating the living room for their annual New Year’s Party, making sure the tree was secure to prevent a repeat of the unfortunate Ash incident of 2015. A small, if heated, debate arose over whether or not to give people confetti to throw at midnight. Then Cas, ignoring their many discussions about personal space, walked right into Dean’s.
“Dean, you were too hungover to help with clean up last year. There was confetti everywhere, the bathroom, my bedroom, even in the oven,” Cas had semi-furious going on. “There. Will. Be. No. Confetti.” He used that voice that brooks no argument. Deeper. Stronger. Commanding. And sexy as fuck— not that Dean has noticed. Much.
Not really his fault that his best friend and housemate is the hottest thing since Han Solo boarded the Millennium Falcon. Usually Dean can keep it check. No drooling. Ogling kept at a minimum. At least that’s what he tells himself. Dean has it under control. But a few seconds ago Dean completely lost his fucking mind, he just grabbed Cas’s shirt, and kissed him. On the lips. Rough. Hard. And now Dean is, for lack of a better word, freaking out.
Dean accepted some time ago that his thing for dark hair and blue eyes wasn’t gender specific. It may be Cas specific and if Cas’s were just some guy in a bar it would be easier. Pick him up, take him home, get it out of his system. But Cas is not just some super hot guy in a bar, he means something to Dean. With Cas, he wants a real adult relationship with sex, snuggling and all the trimmings, but also friendship and laughter and all the things they have now.
But if he can’t have it all, Dean still wants to be best friends who live together, and own a house. Ernie and Bert made it work— except, now that he’s dwelling on it, maybe those muppets were kind of gay.
Dean knows upsetting the balance they have is risky because Cas could decide that he doesn’t want any of it if Dean has Feelings. Dean would lose it all and he really can’t deal with that. So it’s been this kind of Schrödinger's relationship limbo— except now he’s opened the box. By kissing Cas on those amazing always slightly chapped lips.
To his surprise, the world doesn’t end immediately. He isn’t struck down. Cas doesn’t say anything, just licks his lips, and tilts his head in the way that he isn’t fully understanding the world around him. It’s the look he used to give Dean and Charlie when they spoke Star Wars. It’s also the look that made Dean want to kiss him in the first place— 10 years ago.
But it only lasts a moment. Then Cas smiles at Dean and cocks an eyebrow in a way that could be construed as suggestive. Or maybe Dean is grasping at straws. He must be, because there is no way, is there?
Then the doorbell rings, and without a word, Cas goes to answer it. It’s Charlie. Punctual to a fault, coming with food and to help them set up. Dean’s not sure whether he wants to kill her or thank her for interrupting.
“What’s up, bitches?” she says as she puts down a few bags.
“Charlie,” Dean grabs her into a tight hug. “Merry Christmas and all that.”
“You too. Was Santa good to you? I’m not entirely sure you made the nice list.”
“I am sugar and spice and everything nice and you know it.”
Charlie rolls her eyes.
“Cas, come here,” as she welcome him in for their usual hug.
Cas is not really a hugger. In fact, Dean can count the number of times they’ve hugged. (He may have relived them in his mind thousands of times.) But for some reason, Cas allows Charlie to hug him.
This time, though Cas’s eyes are locked on Dean as he does. Sam calls this thing they do eye-fucking. Dean thinks Cas is just awkward and Dean likes to look into Cas’s baby blues. He also knows that if they hold it too long his stomach does a happy little flip flop. It is possible that Sam might be onto something.
But it’s over too soon.
“Dean, come help me get the rest of the stuff from the car?” And she’s out the door as Dean slips on his shoes.
——-
Of course, he ends up in the kitchen with Cas. Charlie has put on some sort of 1980s Christmas medley while she decorates. God help him he might have to break some things if Wham comes up next. But yeah, there is Cas dancing along to the tunes. How something can be this cute and this sexy at the same time, Dean will never know. It also increases Dean’s panic 1000%.
“Deep breath, Winchester. You got this. Act normal. Nothing doing. Just pretend like everything is perfectly normal. Because it is totally completely normal. Things are FINE,” he mumbles to himself. He also knows that shit’s not fine.
He pulls the large serving bowl down off the shelf when feels a warm hand on his lower back. Cas. In Dean’s mind the touch is deliberate but yeah, maybe not. Still, he can’t help but lean into it.
“Were you saying something?” Cas says. “Pass me the bowl for the spinach dip?”
“Which one?”
“The green one on the bottom.”
——
“So Deano, mon frere, inquiring minds want to know, which hottie are you going to be kissing at midnight?” Gabe, one of Cas’s cousins, always right to the point with a question Dean doesn’t want to answer.
Dean is cursing his reputation as a lady’s man.
“Yes, Dean. I was wondering that myself,” Cas is standing in his space again and Dean is feeling naked under his glare. He blushes and forgets how to speak English.
“SCOOOOORE one for Ash, Kevin, that’s another shot for you….”
Dean is saved by Ash. Apparently Kevin has lost yet another round of a very complicated drinking game. Experience has taught most of the gang to avoid Ash’s contests at any cost. Kevin, one of Sam’s new friends, has clearly not been warned.
“Poor Kev, man,” Gabriel says. “Smart money is on him not making it to midnight.”
“He can pass out in my room,” Cas offers. “I’ll sleep with Dean tonight.”
Dean nearly drops his beer. Cas and Dean have a shared a bed on a few occasions. Last time, Dean woke up rock hard, holding Cas tight. Dean is sure that Cas was awake, but neither one of them brought it up. This means it never happened. Right?
“Depends what you had in mind, Cas. Sure you can keep your hands to yourself?” He tries to joke.
“It’s not usually my hands that are the problem, Dean.” Cas winks, full-on winks, and Dean is sure he dies a bit on the spot. Then he watches as Cas’s fine ass walk away. He would sure love to have his hands on that, and the rest of Cas too.
——
Charlie didn’t tell him there she was setting up karaoke. Nothing good comes from karaoke.
“Deeeeeeaaaaan, you gotta come sing Wanted Dead or Alive for us…” Jo Harvelle, is beyond drunk yet somehow still standing. “It’s a tradition.”
Could be worse, at least she’s over her crush on him.
“Sure sure, let me have a few more shots of whiskey first.”
Jo hands him the bottle and the mike. Guess this is happening now. A chant of “Dean! Dean! Dean!” Rises from the crowd. It would be a rock star moment except that he’s in his own living room and he’s not sure where all these people came from. Small was the MO for this year. Forty people in his living room is not small.
He looks up at again, there’s Cas watching him. He ponders changing it to some sort of cheesy love song. He plays to his strengths sings what the crowd wants. After the song, he’ll go talk to Cas, like adults do.
——
Ok. Song’s done. Dean’s making his way across the living room to Cas. Talk time. He’s running through all the things he should definitely not say when he feels when two arms wrap themselves around his waist.
“Hi Dean,” a sultry voice whispers into his ear.
“Hi Lisa, how are you?” Dean pulls her off him. She’s got a lot of nerve showing up here. Two years ago, she dumped his ass for some big-spending banker. Rumor has it she’s single again and hoping to get back with Dean. Not. Gonna. Happen.
“We should sing our song," Lisa says not taking the hint.
“Pretty sure Charlie didn’t program Before She Cheats into the machine.”
“Come on, Dean. It wasn’t all bad. At least, let me kiss you at midnight.”
“And why would I do that?”
“Because kissing and sex we were good at and it’s better than ringing in the new year alone.”
“There are worse things than being alone at midnight, Lisa,” Dean says. “Besides, who says I don’t have anyone lined up?”
“Unlikely. You’d be on them already. Unless you’re planning to kiss Cas, you two always were tied at the hip. So what do you say, for old times sake?”
Dean isn’t sure when it happened, but Cas is suddenly behind him, a bit too close. He ponders turning around and kissing Cas again. Just to shut Lisa up.
“Well, let’s see smokin’ hot best friend vs. the cheating ex. Tough call or whatever the opposite of that is.”
Cas gives a deep chuckle like they’ve won this round.
“Thank you, Dean. I may yet take you up on the offer of a kiss at midnight.”
Dean’s not sure what just happened. But Lisa can’t seem to get away fast enough. Whatever it is, it worked. Oh, and it sounds like Cas may not be opposed to kissing. Huh.
———-
It’s now currently 11:15 and Dean is surprisingly sober. Not drive Baby kind of sober, but certainly sober enough to help poor Kevin to Cas’s room. Games of alcohol are Ash’s thing and poor Kevin never stood a chance. Best to let the poor guy lie down for a few hours.
“Do you think Kevin will be ok?” Cas places a glass of water and a bottle of Advil on the nightstand, and strategically places an empty metal trash can by the bed.
“Tomorrow is going to suck and he’ll want to make some drinking resolutions, but yeah, he’ll live.”
It’s the first time things feel sort of normal between them.
“Dean, can I ask you a question?” Oh god here it comes. This year has been a shit show, might as well find out now that Cas doesn’t feel the same way and move on with things.
“Were you serious about kissing me at midnight?” Cas says. “Charlie assures me that odds are you were.”
Dean just stands there. Deer in headlights. What did Cas just say?
“Dean?”
“Yes.”
“Yes. You want to kiss me?”
“Yes.”
“At midnight?”
“Yes.” Why is that still so hard to admit? Cas takes a step towards him.
“What about right now?”
“Yes.” Dean in a voice that certainly doesn't sound like a whimper.
Cas has the smirk he gets when he’s managed to surprise Dean. A cross between “awesome” and “gotcha.”
“Guys, for fuck sake. Dean wants Cas. Cas wants Dean. Get on with things. The room is spinning, just shut up and leave already before I barf. ” Kevin momentarily regaining consciousness. “Turn out the light on the way out. Happy 2019.”
They laugh, turning off the light on the way out. Downstairs they hear the sounds of a very successful party, but Dean just wants to be alone with Cas.
“Dean, they can wait a moment…” Cas grabs Dean’s hand. “Come here.”
As they close the space between them, Cas gently wraps a hand around Dean’s neck, rubbing his thumb along the stubble on his cheek. Dean leans in, he’s usually the one initiating things, and it’s so nice to just let it happen. Then Cas’s lips are on his. It’s gentle, tender even. Dean tries to deepen the kiss, but Cas pulls away.
“Wait until Midnight,” Cas says. “We have guests.”
——
The last half hour until the ball drops crawls by, but Cas never really leaves Dean’s side. They end up on the couch in the living room. Cas has his arm across the back of the couch Dean snuggled in close, hand on Cas’s thigh. It feels normal. Right.
Still, midnight is slow to come.
Charlie is suddenly sitting at their feet, her girlfriend Gilda next to her.
“Don’t you two look cosy. Tell me this is a thing now?” Charlie looks more excited about this than Dean is.
Dean feels Cas stiffen. Oh god, what if it’s just for tonight? This might kill Dean. A week passes in the moment it takes Cas to speak.
“I … I hope this is a thing, Charlie.” Cas says. “But, we’re taking it slow. Waiting until midnight to seal it with a kiss.”
“Midnight is in five minutes,” Charlie counters. “That’s waiting?”
“Well, best to be sure. He’s sleeping in my bed tonight, so I’m pretty much a sure thing until morning,” Dean replies. “But I hope it’s a thing too.”
Cas exhales and relaxes back into Dean. Charlie turns her attention back to Gilda.
“Dean?”
“Yes, Cas.”
“I don’t want to wait until midnight.”
“Then don’t.”
Cas leans forward, Dean does too and their noses bump. Guess, he’s not the only one feeling awkward and uncoordinated. They both laugh, and try again. It’s been moments since their last kiss but it feels like forever. They move closer. Then Cas’s lips soft and glorious are on Dean. This time the kiss deepens. Cas nibbles and Dean’s lower lip, tongues tease and explore. It’s Everything he hoped it would be. The stubble, the strong nimble hands pulling him closer.
Then in a move he’s not fully sure he understands, Cas pulls Dean onto his lap. Dean is trying really hard to keep it family-friendly and above the belt. But with Cas’s mouth nuzzling on his neck and thoughts of how good that will feel in this inner thighs, Dean is quickly forgetting lot of things, including that there are other people around. He’s making to unbuckle Cas’s belt.
“Dean! Cas! Stop! Midnight.” They forgot about Charlie. Oops. “The countdown is about to start…”
Shit. People around them in their house and he’s hard in Cas’s lap. What will they think. Dean panics a bit. Then he realizes he really doesn’t care.
“Hush a few seconds until we can wish everyone a Happy New Year,” Cas says only pulling away a little bit. “Then we are going usptairs and I’m going to have my way with you.”
”Hell yeah!”
Dean laughs. And they count down to one, and Dean kisses Cas and Cas kisses Dean. Then, as promised, Cas leads Dean to bed.
It looks like in 2019, Dean does get to have a few nice things.