Chapter Text
Phil Lester was a 32-year-old married father of two. His wife, Olivia, 33 years old, worked hard to provide for her family as an account manager for a technology staffing firm. Phil worked his own day job as a video editor until precisely 5:00 PM, at which time he came home, made enough dinner for everyone, and ate with his children. Olivia reheated her portion of the meal whenever she got home, often long after her children were asleep.
Matthew was a precocious 11 year old who enjoyed reading, video games, and riding his bike. He was playfully called “teacher’s pet” by some kids, but he answered their teasing with friendly banter or shrugs. He wasn’t bothered at all by them; he had his select few close friends who were genuine and loyal, and that was enough for him. He didn’t feel the need to impress the sort of kids who called him names.
Julie was 8 and, while not as clever as her older brother, could still be quite cheeky. Still trying to figure out her own identity, she rather idolized Matthew and frequently mimicked him or went along with his ideas when playing. She did her homework alongside him at the table every afternoon. If she didn’t have any more homework, she would sit and draw or write stories until Matthew was finished.
Both children spent a lot of time on the internet even though, in accordance with house rules, they technically weren’t supposed to.
Despite his failure to verbally discourage the children’s excessive internet use, Phil was a very attentive father. As soon as he got home at dinnertime, the whole of his existence centered on Matthew and Olivia. He talked with them at dinner about how school went and what they were currently interested in, whether that was Minecraft or knitting or Adventure Time or Julie’s sudden obsession with math once she turned 7. Phil did everything he could to be approachable and supportive, trying to play the role of both parents at once.
He put the kids to bed promptly at 9:00 PM every night to ensure they got enough rest and to ensure he had at least an hour to himself every night. He usually spent that time playing a few rounds of Fortnite or clicking around Reddit, letting himself wind down before bed.
Olivia would get home anywhere between 7 and 11 each night. He used to like when she made it home by 9, because then they had some time to be intimate and feel like a real married couple before he fell asleep. Unfortunately, for the last year or so, she had been complaining of being too tired even when she was home early enough. After awhile, Phil stopped trying to initiate anything.
By now, they were more like roommates. She was barely a wife at all. She was barely even a mother anymore, even when she was home.
One evening, Matthew came across a news article about the importance of striking a healthy work-life balance as a working mother in the 2010s. He determinedly printed it out, stapled the pages, and left it on his mother’s pillow for her to find.
Phil came across it as he was getting ready to go to sleep and, finding himself agreeing entirely with Matthew’s sentiment, he left it there. If Olivia had any reaction to it, or if she even read it at all, Phil never knew because she never brought it up.
Phil did know, however, that his marriage was slowly crumbling. And what broke his heart more was that at least one of his children could see it too.
***
One day in late October, Phil got an overwhelmingly big assignment. It wasn’t just that the client was particularly important, nor that it was a complex project due in only a few months. Oh no, it was all of the above -- an hour-long documentary about romantic relationships in modern Britain that was scheduled to air on a national television network during the week leading up to Valentine’s Day. The preliminary edit had to be completed by mid-December before everything was effectively closed during the lead-up to Christmas. He’d need to work weekends to finish it by then -- it simply wasn’t possible otherwise!
“But I can’t!” Phil begged his boss. “My wife is barely home anymore. Who’s going to take care of my kids?”
“Not my problem,” Phil’s boss grunted. “Hire a nanny or something.”
***
Olivia, of course, was much too busy to aid in the search for a nanny.
“What if I hire someone and they’re absolutely awful?” Phil said to her as they were getting ready for work one morning. This was virtually the only time they spent together anymore, and they made sure to wake up at the same time so they could have it.
“I don’t think that will happen, Phil, darling,” Olivia said. Her face looked resigned and saddened. “To be honest, you’re far more qualified than I am to find someone. You know the kids better than I do.” She chuckled bitterly as she put her earrings in, trying not to make prolonged eye contact with her husband.
Phil gave a half-smile and kissed his wife on the temple. “If you believe in me, then okay,” he said.
Knowing Olivia had confidence that Phil knew what he was doing, he put an advert in the Times for a nanny.
He specified needing a “Mary Poppins” type - someone to keep the kids engaged and happy, not just someone who could clean the house and have their phone at the ready to call 999 if anyone was injured. He also explained that the job would primarily be on the weekends, but he’d prefer someone who could help with dinner 2 or 3 days a week as their availability permitted.
After a few days, no one had yet responded. Phil was beginning to regret the rather timid wording of his advertisement when, one afternoon while he was at the office, his phone got a text message.
Unknown Number:
Hello, I hope you don’t mind that I’m texting. Is this the person who placed the advertisement for a sitter and housekeeper?
Phil Lester:
Yes! Thank you for responding. :)
Unknown Number:
Has the position been filled?
Phil Lester:
No, it hasn’t. Did you want to set up a phone interview for this evening?
Unknown Number:
That would be lovely, thank you. I’ll be available after 7:00.
Phil Lester:
I’ll call you at 7:30 then. We should just be finishing dinner around then.
Is this a good number to reach you?
Unknown Number:
Yes, feel free to call as soon as you’re done eating - no need to hurry on my account.
Phil Lester:
What’s your name? So I know what to call the contact in my phone.
Unknown Number:
Daniel Howell
Phil Lester:
Alright, all set. I’ll talk to you tonight!
Daniel Howell:
Talk to you then!
***
Having gotten precisely zero responses before this one, Phil was getting some serious ‘too good to be true’ vibes. Daniel appeared quite polite and professional in his texts, and he was so considerate about dinnertime. There was no way the only responder was going to be the right fit for the job, Phil figured. But he did sound responsible so he supposed there was no harm in giving him a call.
At about 7:15, Phil and the kids had finished eating, and they headed off to their rooms to entertain themselves before bed. Phil picked up the phone, opened up Dan’s contact information, and hit the call button.
“Hello?”
“Hi there, Daniel was it?”
“Yes, may I ask who’s calling?”
“My name’s Phil Lester. I’m the one who placed the ad for a housekeeper and babysitter. We spoke via text earlier?”
“Oh!” Daniel suddenly sounded a bit flustered, as though he’d been relaxing and now needed to put on his professional voice. “Yes, of course! How are you doing tonight, Mr. Lester?”
Phil chuckled. “Feel free to chuck out the formalities. Just call me Phil. You don’t need to be so polite, it’s okay.”
Daniel laughed -- or, really, giggled -- and audibly exhaled. “In that case, Dan is fine. ‘Daniel’ makes me sound much cooler and more dignified than I am.”
Phil had a hard time believing that. Dan mumbled a bit, sure, but he was generally rather articulate. He sounded well-educated, and clearly was making every attempt to be polite and considerate. “Well, you sound perfectly dignified to me!” Phil said.
On the other end of the line, Dan was smiling. Phil actually sounded just as nervous about this conversation as he was. “So I suppose you want to ask about my qualifications and such?”
They ended up speaking on the phone for considerably longer than was strictly necessary. Dan shared stories of previous jobs as a nanny, housesitter, housekeeper, and even just waterer of plants. He supplied references and proof of first aid training, sending the info via e-mail while still on the phone with Phil. He had all the bases covered. And to top it off, he was friendly and interesting to talk to. He appeared very intelligent - smarter than Phil was, to be sure.
“What did you get your degree in, if I may?”
And, for the first time, Dan’s confident facade fell away. “Oh, er-- the um, the thing is, I… dropped out of school. Out of university, I mean. I started at Manchester for a law degree in 2010, but it wasn’t for me. I’d started doing this job while I was in school, and eventually I realized it was more fulfilling and interesting than law could ever be, at least for me personally. So I dropped out of school after my first year. I thought it was silly to keep working towards a degree that wasn’t going to make me happy, you know?” Dan paused, still sounding quite nervous. “I hope this doesn’t hurt my chances of working for you, because… honestly, this sounds like a very good fit for me.”
Phil didn’t have to give it much thought. “Not at all. From the sound of it, you’re very experienced and would do a great job. Would you mind coming over Saturday for one last in-person interview?”
***
When Phil opened the door, he finally had a face to match the voice he heard on the phone. And what a face! Smooth skin, ever so slightly uneven smile, sparkling brown eyes. He looked very young, but given that he went to university in 2010, he couldn’t be younger than 26.
“Hello!” Phil said brightly. “You must be Dan.”
“Yes,” the young man said as he and Phil shook hands. “It’s lovely to finally meet you!” He looked around. “You have a lovely home.”
“Thank you! I do my best. Would you like me to take your coat?”
“Oh, thank you!”
Dan slipped off his coat and Phil took it, draping it carefully over his arm. “I’ll go hang this up. You can have a seat in the lounge, if you like!” He motioned in the general direction of the lounge, where two sofas were set up in an L-shape to face the large television set in the corner. “The kids are in there watching Steven Universe.”
Dan smiled and gave an acknowledging nod, and walked over to the lounge.
“Hello,” he said tentatively to the kids. They smiled kindly and greeted him in kind, their attentions quickly returning to the show immediately afterward. Dan watched and listened as they commented to one another about what happened on the show in a way Dan didn’t normally see kids do.
He smiled. These kids weren’t in a hypnotic stupor watching TV, they were actively engaging with and thinking about the content they were seeing. This was an unusual sight, in Dan’s experience. These two looked like the type of kids he could actually hang out with, listen to, and be a friend to.
Phil returned after a moment. “You’re still standing!” he noted.
“Oh, yes, sorry, I didn’t want to disturb the kids.”
“Well, they’re going to have to suck it up, I’m afraid…” Phil picked up the TV remote and turned it off. The kids groaned as their father sat down. Dan took this signal to sit as well.
“Aw, come on, Dad!” Matthew whined.
“‘Come on,’ yourself! We have to interview Dan to see if he’s right for the job.”
“Are we your management?” Julie asked Dan.
Dan snickered. Oh, she was just precious. “I believe so,” he replied.
Her face brightened excitedly. “Does that mean you have to do what we say?”
“It means, ” Phil said, “he has to do what’s best for the family. That means he listens to you only if you are listening to me.”
Julie scrunched up her face, disappointed her loophole wouldn’t work out.
Matthew gave Dan an evaluating look, his head tilted and eyes narrowed. Dan suddenly felt self-conscious and straightened his posture unnaturally. He flicked an unruly curl of his hair away from his forehead, hoping he looked professional and grown-up. For children. Catching his own ridiculous nervousness, he relaxed again, but only slightly.
“So,” Phil began. “We went over your qualifications on the phone already, obviously. This is sort of the… ‘does-he-fit-in-with-the-culture-here’ interview.”
“Okay,” Dan nodded.
“First of all, and this is the most important question so we’re just going to get it out of the way now. Do you like video games?”
Dan smiled. “Oh yes, very much. I’ve been playing video games literally my entire life.”
“What kind of games do you like?” Matthew asked.
“Pretty much anything. I play Skyrim, Halo, Fortnite sort of but I think I prefer PUBG… lots of stuff. I play a lot of things on the Switch, too. Overcooked, Mario Kart, Mario Party… Zelda, of course.” As Dan listed off each game, Matthew’s face seemed to brighten more and more.
“Yes!” Matthew said under his breath. Dan chuckled.
“Next question,” Phil asked. “Do you like arts and crafts?”
“Absolutely,” Dan said. “I’m particularly fond of anything involving glitter.”
Julie gasped. “I like him, Dad! Can we keep him?”
“Let me finish the interview to find out!” Phil said with a laugh. “Last question. Can you cook?”
Dan laughed. “It’s funny, if you’d asked me that when I was still going to university, I’d have broken down in sobs and said no, but these days I’m actually quite proud of my ability to make reasonably decent food. Nothing fancy, but I can at least make spaghetti.”
Phil sighed. “Thank goodness. Alright then, kids, your turn to ask whatever questions you can think of!”
“If I knitted you a scarf for Christmas would you like it?” Matthew asked.
“Definitely,” Dan said. “I love a good scarf. Do you like knitting?”
“Yeah. The boys at school don’t like when I knit them things. They think it’s ‘gay.’ I keep trying to tell them traditionally feminine hobbies aren’t necessarily gay but they don’t listen to me.”
Dan’s eyes were like saucers listening to Matthew. He was 11 years old and talked like this?
“Matthew’s friend Henry is a Hanzo main when they play Overwatch,” Julie said. “He’s stupid.”
“Julie, don’t be rude,” Phil said. “We don’t call people Hanzo mains behind their backs.”
Dan laughed.
“Well if he doesn’t wanna be called a Hanzo main then he shouldn’t call Matty’s scarves gay!”
“You make a good point,” Phil said, smiling at Julie.
Matthew looked at Dan. “She doesn’t even play Overwatch, you know.”
“No but I watch you and I watch people on Twitch. And I read the comics.” Julie looked at Dan. “I like Tracer. She’s cute and she has a girlfriend. Do you have a boyfriend?”
“That’s getting personal, Julie,” Phil said. He looked at Dan. “You don’t have to answer that.”
Dan smiled warmly. These kids were smart and witty and nerdy and tolerant and Phil was doing such a good job of listening to them while still guiding their behavior. Dan could scarcely believe such a parent existed, and he desperately wanted to babysit these kids. He knew he’d love spending time with them.
“It’s fine!” Dan said sweetly. “No, Julie, I don’t have a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend.”
“Can I be your girlfriend? You’re very cute.”
Dan giggled, shaking his head. “No, I’m sorry, you’re much too young for me.”
Julie shrugged. “It’s okay, I wasn’t that into you anyway.”
Dan exploded with laughter. This kid was going to be the death of him.
“Please,” Dan said to Phil, “ please tell me I’ve got this job. Your kids are amazing.”
Phil smiled. “Well, I’m just the one writing the checks, it’s these guys who’ve got to spend all the time with you. Matty? Julie? What do you guys think?”
“I approve,” Matthew said.
“Me too!” Julie replied, raising her hand in the air.
“Me three,” Phil said. “Welcome to the Lester family home. Shall I show you around then?
***
“Matthew’s room is to the left,” Phil said, pointing towards a purple and green bedroom littered with game controllers, knitting supplies, and dirty clothes all over the floor. “Julie’s is over here.” Phil pointed to the right. Julie’s bedroom was decorated with number-themed items like wall hangings and bookends, and looked like the color pink puked all over it.
Dan followed Phil to the end of the hall for the last stop on the tour. By this point, Dan had learned the layout of the whole house, from the lounge to the kitchen to the dining room to the study where the family’s computer was. The most important room in the house, as far as Dan was concerned.
Now, though, Phil was leading him to a large bedroom with a double-bed and ensuite bathroom. It wasn’t hard to figure out what this was, but ever the professional tour guide, Phil stated it plainly anyway.
“This is the master bedroom,” Phil explained. “You probably won’t need to tend to it much. Not much happens in here to be honest.” Awkwardly realizing he’d perhaps overshared a bit, Phil tightened his lips shut.
“Ah,” Dan said, trying to show that he didn’t feel disturbed by what Phil had said. “I um… I know how that can be.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Phil replied. “Because honestly, the way I’m feeling right now…” He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. “I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”
Dan followed and sat next to him. Phil nudged himself over slightly to give Dan a comfortable amount of space.
Phil felt oddly comfortable talking to Dan. Perhaps because he’d gotten on with the kids so well downstairs, or perhaps because he’d been very engaged and friendly the whole way through the interview process. Or maybe it was just because he was cute -- something Phil had to acknowledge, despite having no intent to act on it. Either way, Dan felt right to have around, and Phil was unafraid of judgment when talking to him. He felt the urge to open up. And Dan seemed unperturbed by this, to his credit.
“I don’t mean to pry, so feel free not to answer,” Dan said, “but have you seen a marriage counselor or anything?”
“No,” Phil said. “I asked if she wanted to, and she seemed open to it, but in the end there just wasn’t the time. And she refused to make time, which honestly hurt more than anything else. Work always comes first with her.”
“Before your marriage?” Dan asked, disbelieving.
Phil nodded. “To her, yeah.”
“I’m so sorry.”
Phil shrugged. “I’m sure we’ll get things figured out eventually. Right now, though, my priority is the kids. Normally I’m home by 5:30 or 6, and I never work weekends, but my company has a major project right now and I’m going to need to go into the office on weekends until it’s done. I might even need to work late sometimes as the deadline gets closer. And even my normal work days are going to be insanely busy, so when I get home I know I’m going to be exhausted. I hate that. I really don’t want the kids to feel neglected. Their mother is already almost entirely absent because of her work schedule, and then when she gets home, work is all she talks about. I worry about what that does to them.”
A lot of things Dan had observed about the kids were coming into focus now. Their precocious natures, their awareness of things like managers, their vocabulary. They’d learned it all from a mostly-absent mother who talked about work and, in all likelihood, an excessive amount of television and internet.
“They’re very lucky to have you,” Dan said. “And I’m not just saying that because you’re my employer. They’re clearly very smart kids, they appear to be very sure of themselves. You’re doing a good job keeping them grounded, from what I’m seeing.”
“That really means a lot, hearing you say that. Thank you. I really worry about being there for them enough. I hate the fact that I needed to hire you. No offense, of course.”
“None taken,” Dan said. “I mean, sure, some of the parents I’ve worked for are just control freaks who treat me like shit, but... you seem like a really good person.” Dan smiled at him warmly.
“Thanks.” Phil smiled back. Dan’s eyes were very, very pretty. He stared into them for longer than was probably appropriate, unable to tear his gaze away.
Dan cleared his throat, finally breaking the eye contact for a brief moment. “So… how long do you need me for?”
“Oh, um…” Phil blinked and took a breath. “Right now the deadline on my work project is just before Christmas, so about two months from now. But the client will almost certainly have changes and edits and will give us hell for another month at least. It has to be ready for air by February, though, so it definitely won’t be longer than that.”
Dan hated the idea of this only being a two or even four month long assignment. These kids were just plain cool, and Phil was… nice. Really, really nice.
He nodded though. “That works,” he said simply.
“So then…” Phil walked Dan back down to the entryway of the house. He handed Dan a key. “I’ve got this made for you so you can get into the house at 3:30 on school days. Matthew gets home from school at 3:45, and Julie gets home at 4:05.”
“Hang on,” Dan said, pulling a small notepad out of his pocket. Phil smiled at his preparation. Truly a genuine professional, he thought.
He gave Dan time to write down the times before continuing. “Most days, I’ll be home by about 6. You don’t need to have your eye on them that whole time, though. You can take that time to do the housekeeping stuff. They’re normally here on their own in the afternoons. Matty has a phone he can call me with if he needs anything. Julie knows my phone number, too. We wrote a little melody for her to sing my number to so she remembers it. Little trick, music helps her remember anything. It’s amazing how well it works. Anyway, the house rules are that the front and back doors stay locked and nobody answers the door without an adult in the house, but you’re there so they can open the door with you around. Um, what else… Oh! I’m lactose intolerant and Julie seems to have inherited it, so never get her a milkshake no matter how much she begs for it unless you want to stay up late cleaning her bed sheets.”
“Wow,” Dan said, “gross. Okay.” He finished a note on his notepad and then looked into Phil’s eyes. Those really, really pretty eyes. Jesus Christ this is going to be a problem. “Anything else?”
“This probably won’t be relevant for awhile, but just so you know, you’re free to leave for the night as soon as either I or Olivia get home. If she gets back first, you don’t need to wait for me.”
“Okay. What time should I come on weekends?”
“Oh! Of course, literally the whole reason I hired you, how did I forget that? We’ll probably need you both Saturday and Sunday, but Olivia might be fine to stay home some Sundays, we’ll have to let you know the week of, unfortunately. I’d say come in at like… 7:30, I think? I’ll probably leave for the office around 7:45, so that should work.”
“Sounds good.” Indeed, Dan was somehow transfixed on Phil’s every word. His voice was deep, but clear and full of varied intonation. He was animated without sounding silly. Dan imagined he’d have a very easy time just listening to Phil tell stories and relaxing. He wished he could listen to Phil talk all the time.
“Did you have any other questions?” Phil asked.
“Not at all.” Dan closed his notepad and returned it to his pocket. “I think I’m about set.”
“Alright, I won’t keep you then. It’s Saturday, after all, I’m sure you have… y’know. Something to do.”
“I’m sorry?”
“I mean, someone your age, good looking… you probably have a date or something, yeah?”
“Oh!” Dan laughed a little. “No! No, definitely not. Like I said to Julie earlier, no boyfriend, no girlfriend. I am completely unattached.”
“Okay,” Phil said with a little smile. “Good. I mean, not good that you’re single-- not that being single is a bad thing! But um... I just mean… you can stay, if you want. For dinner! I mean. Here at, er… at the house. With me. W-- er, m-me and the kids.” Phil shut his mouth tightly before he could embarrass himself any further.
Dan found himself blushing slightly at how cute Phil’s awkwardness was to him. He’s your employer, Dan reminded himself. Off limits. No. Bad Dan. He smiled in as polite and professional manner as he could and put his coat back on. “I should probably get going before it gets too cold, actually.” He and Phil shook hands. “I’ll see you Monday night then?”
“Yes,” Phil said. “I’ll see you then. Of course on Monday afternoon if you need anything, feel free to call me.”
“I’ll do that. Thank you.”
And Dan left the house.
Phil watched him walk away for a few moments before closing the door.
When he turned around, Julie was stood at the foot of the stairs, already changed into her pyjamas, looking at her father with a curiously tilted head. “You think he’s cute, don’t you, Dad?”
Phil narrowed his eyes. “Hush you. Go watch TV!”
Julie ran off towards the lounge giggling, definitely ready to gossip to her brother about what she’d seen.
***
Dan walked into his nice warm flat and sighed, tossing his keys onto the kitchen counter.
“Fuck,” he grumbled to himself, wishing he could get Phil’s eyes out of his head.
Never, in all his years of housekeeping and sitting, had he ever been so taken by a client and their family. Phil was exactly what he wanted in a future husband. Sweet, awkward, polite, and an excellent parent.
And on top of all that, he had to be cute too. Just his fucking luck.
Dan tossed his coat over the back of his sofa. He couldn’t be arsed to hang it up on the hook properly. His brain was a whirlwind of daydreams about Phil. He had that giddy butterfly feeling that he always used to have for attractive people in school. He hadn’t felt like this so strongly in nearly half his life.
Four months. Four months at the absolute maximum, right? He could totally handle four months working for this guy.
This perfect, beautiful, sweet, married guy.
Fuuuuuccckk.
***
Phil had still been awake when Olivia got home. She was fast asleep now, and Phil was still staring up at the ceiling trying to relax. It wasn’t easy when the cute new babysitter was taking over his every thought.
His hands had been so soft ! And his hair had those effortless curls, like he literally rolled out of bed looking like that. His eyes were that clear, glittering brown color that looked like jewelry stuck to his face. And his skin made him look like he was carved out of marble! How was anyone so perfect?
Phil looked over toward his sleeping wife. She’s working so hard, Phil thought. I could never break her heart by flirting with the new babysitter. I’d be the absolute scum of the earth!
Phil sighed. I’m only lusting after Dan because my own marriage is a bit shaky right now. That’s all. We’ll get our issues worked out. We’ll be okay.
He draped his arm over Olivia’s waist and cuddled up to her, careful not to wake her. He fell asleep, finally, only once he stopped thinking so much.
***
It wasn’t difficult at all for Dan to get into the swing of things. He arrived just before the kids got home from school and did some simple maintenance cleaning while they did their homework. He fluffed up the sofa cushions, dusted shelves (careful not to break anything), and stacked up papers that were lying around.
His phone rang at about 4:30. He knew it was Phil before he even looked at the screen.
“Hello?”
“Hey Dan!”
“Hello, Mr. L-- uh, Phil, sorry. I’m still so used to being formal with clients.”
Phil giggled. The sound of it was like a lullaby hitting Dan’s ear and instantly calming him. “It’s perfectly alright! How’s your first day been?”
“Fine! I’ve been doing some cleaning up. The kids are finishing their homework. It’s been a very simple d--”
“FIE UPON THEE!” a small voice yelled from the dining room. “YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES!”
“Sorry, Phil, hang on,” Dan said, moving the mouthpiece away from his face before calling out to Julie, “What are you two doing?”
He was ignored, however, and Matthew -- armed with what appeared to be a poster mailing tube which matched one held by his sister -- continued their repartee. “I WOULD WILLINGLY DIE FOR MY PEOPLE!”
“THEN PERISH!” Julie’s adorable fake-growl rang out.
The children bashed their poster tubes together in a theatrical swordfight across the dining room. Dan tried not to laugh lest he encourage this behavior.
“Excuse me!” he said more loudly. The children paused and looked his way. “I am on the phone with your father. Do you want him to know you’re not doing your homework?”
The children looked guilty for precisely three seconds before dropping the poster tubes where they stood and retaking their seats at the table. Their eyes hit the unfinished work on the table, and Dan smiled and shook his head. “Sorry about that,” he said to Phil, returning to the lounge where he could speak on the phone in peace should the kids decide to resume their imaginary swordfight.
Phil was cracking up on the other end of the line. “Sorry, I should have known they’d be like that the first day! Trying to test their limits with you, no doubt.”
“With my advance apologies, I have to admit I’m one of those ‘nice’ babysitters who’ll let them do whatever they want as long as they don’t break anything.”
“Oh dear, what am I in for?” Phil laughed.
“Nerf darts found behind furniture for months, I’m afraid.”
“No nerf battles in the house without me! New house rule.”
“Sounds like a deal.”
“Anyway, I just wanted to check everything was okay. I’m going to be late getting home, They decided to schedule a meeting at 5 o’clock! Do you believe that?”
“Ew,” Dan said with a sympathetic sneer. “I’m sorry.”
“I’ll be fine. In any case, I’ll be just a tiny bit late, but I should still be home for dinner, so you don’t need to worry about it this time.”
“Alright, if you insist. I’ll see you when you get here, then?”
“Yep, see you then.”
“Bye!”
“Bye.”
***
Phil got home much, much later than he expected too. He nervously parked the car, biting his lip as he looked up at the house, feeling like a terrible boss and, more importantly, a terrible father. He didn’t want to leave a bad impression on Dan his first day, and he hoped the kids wouldn’t be mad at him.
When he got inside, Dan was laying on his stomach on the lounge floor with the kids, who were in their pyjamas. Adventure Time was playing on the television, and blankets and cushions were strewn about in what was probably a long-collapsed fort of some kind. Phil smiled.
“Hey there,” he said.
In what appeared to be slow motion, Dan turned his head to look over his shoulder, smiled at Phil, and exhaled calmly. “Welcome home,” he said.
“Dad!” Julie said, hopping up and jumping into Phil’s arms.
“What are you two still doing awake? It’s 9:05!”
“Whoops,” Dan said. “You two better get off to bed.”
“Okay,” the kids grumbled.
Phil gave Julie a kiss on the cheek and put her down. The kids both scampered off to bed, calling out their “goodnights” before heading upstairs and disappearing into their respective bedrooms. Meanwhile, Dan stood up and started folding up the mess of blankets. Once the kids were gone and the mess was sorted, he walked up to Phil.
“I made them stir fry for dinner,” he said, a polite and understanding smile on his face.
“I’m so sorry,” Phil said. “The meeting just kept going on and on, and I just felt worse and worse, and…”
“It’s perfectly fine! Like I said, they’re fed. I even made sure they brushed their teeth. We were having fun watching tv until you decided to come break up the party.”
“You really went above and beyond,” Phil said, shaking his head, looking around at how clean the house was and glancing back towards the stairs.
“There are leftovers in the fridge for you and Mrs. Lester, too. I wasn’t sure when you’d be back, so.”
At the sound of his wife’s salutation and surname, Phil flinched a bit, as though reality had snapped its fingers right in front of his face. “Oh, thank you. I’m sure it’s delicious.”
“Did you need me for anything else tonight then?”
“No, thank you.”
And, with that, Dan and Phil said their goodbyes for the evening, and Dan went home.
***
Phil’s schedule was much more predictable the rest of the week. He had another late meeting on Thursday that, luckily, he knew about by Wednesday morning, but nothing else until Friday.
Looking at the Premiere timeline and task list in front of him, Phil begrudgingly sighed and called Dan, letting him know he’d need to work late to avoid having to come in over the weekend. Dan understood and thanked him for letting him know.
When he got home late this time, he was much, much later than 9:05. He pulled up to the house and lights were mostly off aside from the dim blue flash of the lounge television.
He got inside, expecting to see Dan and the kids in another wrecked blanket fort. Instead, he saw a brown-haired boy, mouth hanging open, fast asleep. He chuckled under his breath. The fleece blankets they kept in the lounge were in a nice stack on the floor by the sofa, so he pulled one over Dan and covered him up. He took the remote control, hanging precariously from Dan’s hand, and turned off the television.
Phil looked at Dan, the young man who’d become like an honorary member of the family over the last week, and smiled. With Dan here, Phil hadn’t needed to worry about anything. With Dan here, he knew the kids were safe and fed and their homework was done and they’d had fun. Phil appreciated his help and presence more than he ever imagined he would.
The temptation was there to brush that one unruly curl of hair off Dan’s forehead, but he opted not to. He didn’t want to be that creepy client. He had to admit, though, that Dan was more beautiful than any piece of decor in their entire house.
***
Dan awoke with a start on the unfamiliar sofa. He looked at his phone. 7:45 AM, and his battery was at 12%.
“Shit,” he muttered under his breath. He sighed and let his hand, phone and all, flop down onto his chest. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and put the effort in to sit up straight. No one was awake yet. He wasn’t sure what to do in other people’s homes when he’d slept over and no one was awake. It was always awkward for him. However, here, he felt comfortable enough with the house and family that he thought he should just go ahead and make breakfast for everyone.
It wasn’t long after Dan had dipped the first slice of bread into the mixture of egg, non-dairy milk, and cinnamon that Phil appeared at the bottom of the stairs.
“It was the smell, wasn’t it?” Dan asked with a smirk.
“I have to admit, there’s not much else that would get me out of bed on Saturday morning during a single-digit hour.”
Dan chuckled. “I hope you don’t mind that I went ahead and just… ‘know… started making breakfast without asking.”
“No, not at all,” Phil replied. “I do feel kind of bad though.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re already working. To be honest, I could use your help today if you’re able. Olivia’s at a conference this weekend, and there is so much to do.”
“Come on, Phil, you know that’s what I’m here for,” Dan said cheerfully, happier than he’d care to admit that Olivia was going to be gone today. Her relative absence had given her a mystique of sorts and made her intimidating despite her kind demeanor when they’d briefly spoken on Tuesday and Wednesday.
The kids were down shortly after, to Phil’s shock.
“I knew it was French toast!” Julie exclaimed. “Pay up, bucko!” She held a hand out for her brother, who slapped a one pound note into it.
“Nuh-uh,” Phil said. “No betting until you’re of age.”
Julie pouted and shoved the note back to Matthew’s hand.
“We’ve had issues with Julie using her surprisingly advanced maths knowledge to… acquire lunch and allowance money from other children at school,” Phil muttered to Dan by way of explanation.
“Ah,” Dan replied quietly, his elevated eyebrows showing his amusement.
“What are you still doing here?” Matthew asked Dan, his tone somewhat suspicious.
“Fell asleep watching telly,” Dan answered. “Your dad was kind enough to give me a blanket, from the look of things. Thank you, by the way,” he said to Phil.
“Don’t mention it,” Phil replied with a smile. “I wasn’t about to wake you, you looked so peaceful.”
Julie’s eyebrows were slightly raised as she looked at her brother. Matthew rolled his eyes and made a gag motion with his finger. Julie giggled.
“You want some coffee?” Phil asked. “I’ve only got instant, if that’s okay. If not, there’s plenty of juice. We have like four different kinds. Matty, can you get juice glasses out for everyone?”
“Oh, no no no, coffee’s fine,” Dan said. “Instant or no, caffeine is caffeine!”
“A man after my own heart,” Phil said.
“So am I getting glasses or no?” Matthew asked.
“Just for you and your sister, please.”
“Speaking of energy,” Dan suddenly said, “you wouldn’t happen to have an iPhone charger I can use, would you?”
The four of them ate breakfast together for the first time that morning, and certainly not for the last. Dan relaxed quickly, feeling like he’d been part of the family for years. So when Phil asked him to help with some heavy housecleaning, he had no problem saying yes.
With how busy Phil and Olivia had been over the last year, the darker nooks and crannies of the house had collected more dust and dirt than they ordinarily would have. Julie’s room had even begun to smell (“What did I tell you about eating in your room?” “Not to.” “Then why are there sweets wrappers under your bed?” Julie only replied to that with a shrug. Dan laughed. Phil glared. Dan tried to hold it in. It didn’t work). Dan dutifully helped Phil dust shelves and decor, clean fingerprint smudges from around doorknobs, wash the linens, mop the hard floors, and wipe down every surface in the house whether vertical or horizontal.
By the end of the day Saturday, Dan and Phil were exhausted. They flopped down on either side of the L-shaped sofa in the lounge, letting their faces get hilariously squished into the cushions.
“Imagine,” Phil said, “if the kids had been outside this whole time…”
“Don’t say it,” Dan said. “Don’t you even fucking say it.”
“...and they had come inside and tracked dirt onto the nice clean floor just as we finished.”
“Nooooo!” Dan cried.
“Thank God for Poptropica, am I right?”
“You are,” Dan said. “You are right.”
“Remember when we were kids,” Phil said, “and our parents yelled at us for not going outside enough? ‘Cause we were playing, like… Crash Bandicoot instead and couldn’t be bothered?”
Dan laughed, a sound that rang out from his gut and surrounded him like an aura of joyful nostalgia. “Yes!” He said. “What were they thinking?”
“Right?”
They laughed together for a few minutes, glancing at one another from either corner of the sofa. The laughter calmed, and their eyes stayed locked on each other.
“At the risk of sounding, like… super weird,” Phil said, “you have really pretty eyes and I wish I had them. They’re so much nicer than mine.”
“Oh god,” Dan said, blushing and hiding his face in the sofa cushions. “I do not have pretty eyes. I mean, they’re just... brown .”
“Yeah but they’re pretty brown. They sparkle. Kinda.”
Dan turned his head to look at Phil again. “Are you— you know what, never mind.”
“Am I what?”
“No, really, it’s such a stupid question, I’m just… I’m being stupid.”
Phil lifted his head. “No really, what is it?”
Dan inhaled. “Were you flirting with me just then? I mean, probably not, I always read too much into things. You’re married, I’m just being stupid…”
“I’m not happily married, to be fair.”
“Still,” Dan said. “You seem like a really nice guy, you don’t seem like someone who’d flirt when you’re still married.”
“I mean… Look, I’m saying this 100% honestly, not intended as actual flirting, but if I were single I’d be flirting with you constantly.” Phil, knowing how that sounded, nervously rattled off a justification for himself. “I’m only saying that because I don’t want you to think what you seem to think about yourself, which is, y‘know, that you’re not dateable or not flirtable… with…? Is that a word? I don’t think so but anyway, you’re attractive. You’re an attractive person. So. Yeah.” Phil cleared his throat.
Dan wanted so badly to be offended, but he really liked Phil. Phil made him feel so at home, and they got along so well. So in spite of himself, he giggled. “Is that so?” He asked.
“Um… yes.”
There was a pause that was only as awkward as one would expect and no more. Dan sat up. “I should get going, then.” He stood from the sofa and began heading towards the front door.
“Oh sh— wait— oof!” Phil rushed to stand up from the sofa and catch Dan to stop him from leaving, but tripped over his own feet. Hearing Phil’s struggle behind him, Dan had turned around. Phil fell against him, knocking them both to the floor facing each other.
“Um…” Dan said quietly, Phil’s face just inches from his. “You okay there, mate?”
Phil nodded. “Uh-huh.”
“My uh… my butt hurts,” Dan said, wincing.
“Uh… That’s… what he said?” Phil quipped nervously.
After a second during which Phil was unable to breathe from the tension, Dan snorted out a laugh. “Get off me, you spoon.”
Phil nodded and reluctantly stood up. “Sorry about that,” he said, extending a hand to help Dan up. “Accidentally tackling you, I mean.”
“It’s okay,” Dan said, dusting himself off. “I mean… I guess I should be honored that you apparently want to keep me here.” He chuckled, trying very hard to make this tension go away. It wasn’t working.
“I mean… you really are welcome to stay,” Phil said in a quiet voice that would have been pathetic if it weren’t so endearing. And oddly sexy.
Dan opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t think of an appropriate response. He wanted to stay, absolutely. And not just tonight. He wanted to stay all day tomorrow too. Maybe longer. He felt so much more at home here than his own sparse, lonely, kidless, Philless flat. But Phil was his client, and he was married. Unhappily, perhaps, but still married. The tingle Dan was feeling in his gut was best ignored and pushed away. Wait, had Phil stepped closer to him?
Just then, as though the universe wanted to make Dan’s nightmare even worse, Matthew walked by the lounge door. “Get a room, you two,” he said.
“Matty!” Phil’s eyes widened. “We were just… um.”
“Practically making out?” Matthew continued toward the kitchen and got a glass out of the cupboard for some water.
“No, it… we… I was just about to leave actually,” Dan said, trying to figure out why he felt like he’d been caught stealing biscuits when he literally hadn’t been doing anything wrong.
Phil’s eyes widened slightly upon the realization that he’d tripped and fallen onto Dan for no reason. “You really don’t have to,” he pleaded.
Dan sighed. “I think I do, actually.” He looked at Phil and headed for the coat closet where his jacket was. “Where are my keys,” he muttered.
Matthew stood in the kitchen, drinking his water and watching his father desperately dream up an excuse for Dan to stay. For Phil’s sake, he didn’t want Dan to leave either.
“Dad, why don’t you show him the PSVR?” He said suddenly. Dan and Phil both froze. Phil smiled.
“Yeah… y-yeah! Dan, have you seen it? It’s kind of wasted on me because I get motion sickness, but I have Doom, I have Skyrim, I ha—“
“Wait, you have Skyrim VR?” Dan said, a wistful and dreamy look in his eyes. “Skyrim is like… one of my favorite games and I’ve really wanted to try the VR version of it. You… you wouldn’t mind, would you?”
“Welp, you guys have fun,” Matthew said, having just finished the last sip of his water. He put it in the top rack of the dishwasher. “I’m going to bed a bit early. Goodnight, Dad! Goodnight, Dan. Will you still be here tomorrow?”
Dan looked at Phil and shrugged. “Depends on what your Dad says.”
“We’ll see,” Phil said to Matthew. “Get to bed, I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Alright. Goodnight!”
“Goodnight,” Dan and Phil both said to Matthew.
“So…” Dan started. “Would you mind letting me try Skyrim VR, then?”
***
“Julie!” Matthew hissed. “Julie you’ll never guess what I saw!”
“What?” Julie said, rubbing her eyes sleepily.
“Dad and Dan were about to kiss!”
Julie’s eyes brightened right back up. “What?” Her mouth opened excitedly. “I knew they liked each other! But… what do we do? We gotta get them together!”
“What can we do though? Dad and Mum are still married. If Dad and Dan went out on a date, that would be cheating.”
“But Dad and Mum aren’t in love. I think Dad’s in love with Dan and love is important! He should be with Dan.”
“Well, okay, if, hypothetically—“
“What’s hyper-thetickly mean?”
“It means you gotta imagine it, like it’s a story. So okay, hypothetically if we were to get Dad and Dan together, how could we do that?”
“Well, I think Dad needs to friendzone Mum first.”
“You mean divorce?”
Julie shrugged and smiled a tiny, mischievous smile. “Whatever!”
***
“Oh my god!” Dan yelled, his in-game avatar shooting arrows as fast as he could move his hands.
Phil laughed. “Dan, it’s midnight! Shut up!”
“You fight these stupid things and see if you can shut u—OH HOLY SSSHHH—“
Dan finally finished fighting off the skeletons that had surrounded him and was looting what he could when Phil got the bright idea to poke Dan’s neck.
“WHAT THE FFF— Phil! You snake. That scared the shit out of me!”
Phil was laughing and eventually Dan was too.
“I am gonna get you for that,” Dan said. “When you least expect it. I’m gonna strike. You watch your back. Always be prepared.”
“Right,” Phil said. “Time for another break? You seem a bit wound up.”
“I’ll wind your mum up.”
“Hey!” Phil whined, smacking Dan on the arm.
“Ow! You’re the actual worst.” Dan headed to the menu to save and quit out of the game. He removed the headset and set it on the sofa beside him. “I think I should stop for the night. It is really late and if I stay in the VR world too long I won’t be able to drive home.”
“Yeah, I guess I should let you go. Your neighbours are gonna wonder if you’ve gone missing.”
Dan gave a bittersweet smile. “Nah, I don’t really know my neighbours. I left for like a week and a half once and they didn’t notice a thing. Or maybe they did and I don’t know, since we barely speak.”
“Why don’t you speak to your neighbours?”
“Why do people talk to their neighbours, is the question. Most people are just exhausting to me.”
“Not all, though, surely.”
“Well no, obviously not. I mean I like you. ”
Phil smiled. “I think Matty has some thoughts on what sort of ‘like’ you mean there.”
Dan smiled back. “Yeah, imagine. That’d be a disaster, wouldn’t it?”
“I know, right?”
Phil cleared his throat. “Did you want some coffee before you go? Just so it’s a safer drive home.”
“Yeah, um… I dunno, I’m still feeling a bit dizzy from being back in reality again.”
“That er… that’s understandable. A few more minutes then?”
“Yeah, just a few.”
Dan and Phil sat next to each other on the sofa. Dan was feeling less dizzy now, but more queasy, and he wasn’t sure why. He didn’t usually get motion sickness from things like VR, after all...
“Can I, um… Can I just rest my head on you for a bit?” he asked Phil.
“S—sure,” Phil answered nervously.
And thus, Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder for a few minutes. About 400 of them, to be precise.