Chapter Text
Raphael knocked gently on Izzy’s door.
“Isabelle?”
He had heard from his fellow clan members that Izzy had barely left her room in the past 10 days. She had gone downstairs to get some blood, and exchanged a few pleasantries and a one short conversation with a few vampires - but for the rest of her time at Dumort she had holed up in her room. Many just forgot she was even there.
Most of the vampires hadn’t been fond of the idea of having a former Shadowhunter in their home, and Raphael wasn’t surprised. But, they were slowly coming to terms with Izzy’s presence, and the fact that she was now one of them. Some of them remembered how it had been for Luke, and hoped Izzy would change, just like he had. More accepting ones had even greeted her, when she had arrived in her new home.
“Open!” Her voice came from somewhere deep inside the room.
Raphael took those words as an invitation to come inside.
“Hello.” He greeted her, closing the door gently behind himself, to give them more privacy.
Isabelle looked better now, the shadows under her eyes not as dark as they used to be. She was curled up on an armchair, though, her arms wrapped around her knees, and no book or phone in sight - she just looked as if she had been staring into space for a long time, her eyes gentle yet sad.
And it worried him.
“May I sit down?” Raphael gestured towards an empty chair, and she gave him a silent nod.
On his way to the window, Raphael saw a thick, leather-bound notebook, sitting on the side-table. “Have you been taking notes?” He didn’t pick it up, not wanting to invade her privacy. He remembered when she had expressed her interest in asking a few vampires about their life, and writing down a thing or two. She even teasingly called it her ‘guide on how to be a vampire’. He offered to show her the library at Dumort, and she accepted the offer but told him she would look at the books another day.
“Not yet.” Izzy replied. “I will have plenty of time for that later.”
He acknowledged her response with a silent nod, but couldn’t tear his gaze away from the empty notebook. He hoped that living among other vampires would help Izzy, but she seemed to be avoiding them.
His eyes shifted back to her, and he saw her staring at the wall, her own eyes distant.
“Would you like to join me downstairs and help me with something?” Raphael didn’t have anything urgent to do, but he did have a few things to take care of, and seeing her just sit there sadly, thinking God knows what, made him want to help her.
“I think I’ll just sit here, if you don’t mind.” She replied, still not meeting his eyes.
“Isabelle,” He started, looking for the right words. He couldn’t let her spiral down into her sadness - becoming a vampire wasn’t a life sentence. She could still do so much, and had a whole eternity to enjoy her life. “I heard that you have been spending all of your time here. If anything is wrong, please, talk to me. I know we don’t know each other well, but I am here to help you.”
She finally met his gaze. “Nothing is wrong. Nothing is...anything.” Izzy tightened her arms around her knees. “I just don’t feel like interacting with anyone.”
“I’m worried about you.” Raphael admitted, and Izzy stared at him, curious.
“You don’t have the obligation to be.” Isabelle replied, but he could see her waiting impatiently for his answer. He took it as a good sign, even if he started to feel the pressure of having to choose his words right.
“Your kind and mine may have not always seen eye to eye…”
“To put it mildly.” She chimed it, and they both smiled.
“And we still have our differences. But we’re in this together now, and I’m here for you. Whether it’s me as a Clan leader or a Clan member looking out for another vampire, or me, looking out for you just because I want to - and those three aren’t contradictory - I’m here for you.”
They both stared at each other - Raphael anxiously awaiting Izzy’s reaction, and Isabelle taking in his words. Everything around them was still and quiet, as if the time had frozen.
Raphael extended his hand to Izzy. “15 minutes. That’s all I ask.”
She slid her hand into his, and he gave her palm a gentle squeeze, then they both stood up without a word and directed their steps towards the door, still holding hands. Izzy could feel Raphael’s thumb brush over her skin, and the touch was oddly comforting - she didn’t feel as if he had wanted anything from her in return; it was meant to bring her comfort.
Isabelle hoped she could no longer blush.
“Where are we going?” She asked as they passed yet another door.
“To the kitchen. It should be empty right now, so I thought we could cook something together.”
“Cook?” She asked, disbelieving. “Are there any recipes with blood?”
“There are, but it’s beside the point. The food won’t be for us.” Seeing Izzy’s perplexed face expression, he continued. “Once a week I bring food to the local nursing home. If I make too much, the rest will go to one of the shelters.
Before Izzy could ask Raphael why he was doing all of it, they reached the kitchen, and he let go of her hand to rummage through the fridge. “Do you know how to make chicken fajitas?”
“Ohh, um.” She accepted the apron from him, that he had probably magicked from somewhere, since she hadn’t registered him going to fetch one, and put it on, tying the loose strings behind her back. “I have no idea how to cook. Even when I follow a recipe, my meals still somehow come out tasting awful.” She admitted, ashamed. Even though Alec and Max also hadn’t inherited her mother’s excellent cooking skills, Jace wasn’t half as bad; and Izzy felt much more pressure to learn how to cook, even if she had never said it out loud - even the badass Isabelle Lightwood had been affected by society's’ expectations of women.
“Would you rather do something else?” Raphael asked, stopping whatever he was doing.
“No, no, it’s okay. I enjoy being in the kitchen, and as long as you don’t let me anywhere near the spices, we should be okay.” He took an extra moment to study her face, but he must have decided that she wasn’t trying to please him, because he bent down and took out a huge bowl.
“We could start with something simple, then. I think a corn salad would go well with the main dish. It could be stored in the fridge, while we work on the fajitas.” Raphael said, reaching into the vegetable drawer for the corn cobs.
“Sounds good. What do you want me to do?”
“I’ll wash those.” He said, while bringing all the corn to the sink. “Then we strip them. It’s actually the most time-consuming part of making this dish.” Raphael placed half of the corn cobs on the counter, next to Izzy.
“I have never actually done this.” Isabelle said, frowning at the cob she was holding. She looked at Raphael, and saw how quickly he was working on his own corn. “We always buy canned stuff.”
“I usually work with fresh ingredients.” Raphael replied. “I just like to tell myself that they are more healthy.”
Both of them smiled at that.
They continued to work on the corn in silence, Raphael occasionally taking one of Izzy’s cobs, so they would finish faster. Once they were done, and the bowl was full of kernels, Raphael once again counted how many ears they had stripped. “We need to add the other ingredients in adequate amounts.” He explained. “When I was human I could experiment with different tastes, but now, when I have no one to test the flavour on, I need to rely on the recipe and experience.”
“What else do we need to add?” Izzy asked, not realising the promised 15 minutes had almost passed.
“One cup of mayonnaise, half cup of cotija cheese, juice from four limes…” Raphael recited from memory. “Only one tablespoon of chilli powder - it will be eaten by majorly-white, elderly people - and some fresh cilantro. Do you want to take care of mixing the corn, the mayo and the lime juice, while I crumble the cheese?”
Izzy nodded in reply. “Four limes?” She asked, just to be sure.
“Yes. Roll them on the cutting board, then cut them. That way it will be easier to squeeze the juice.” He replied, while reaching for the cheese. “And at first add only ¾ cup of mayo - we can always add more later.”
She watched him work; it was clear he felt confident in the kitchen, even as a vampire with a terrible taste. Seeing him so relaxed made her lose some of her own tension, and she began to enjoy herself, for the first time since she had woken up in that park.
“You look at home here.” She commented.
The corners of Raphael’s lips lifted up. “I am at home. Hotel Dumort is my home.” Izzy opened her mouth to explain, but he cut in. “I know what you meant. Yes, I do enjoy cooking.”
“Is this the reason why you’re giving the food away? Because you like to cook but have no use for it after?” Izzy asked, mixing the mayo with the corn.
“There are people in this city who needs to be fed - it doesn’t hurt that I enjoy cooking for them.” He told her.
Isabelle wanted to ask questions and learn more about Raphael - but his face was closed-off, and he seemed to be deep in though, his brows furrowed as he was chopping cilantro. So she focused on her task instead, respecting his choice not to delve into the topic.
Raphael suddenly stopped what he was doing, and put the knife down, then leaned on the counter. “You asked why I was doing it. My younger sister, Rosa, lives in the Catholic retirement home in Harlem. She has dementia and she no longer remembers who I am. Not that I am surprised she doesn’t recognise me - I left them when we were both young, and shouldn’t be looking twenty-something right now, when she’s 78 herself.” He reached for the kitchen rug, just to have something to do with his hands.
Izzy put down the spoon and wiped her hands on her apron, then placed one on Raphael’s shoulder.
“I’m sure she is still happy to see you. You are a good man.”
He looked back at her, smiling sadly. “My mamá raised me a good, Catholic boy.” Instead of the air of superiority, the statement was accompanied with a small smile. “I have been fortunate to meet the kindest souls in my life - first, my mamá, Guadalupe. She taught her kids how to be good people. Then, in my darkest period, Magnus Bane found me.”
Izzy recognised the name of the High Warlock of Brooklyn.
Raphael continued. “He took me in when I couldn’t accept who I was. And what I was. An asexual vampire - a complete abomination.” His eyes looked up and met Izzy’s, the vampire scared that he had outed himself. Many people treated aces as oddities, and he couldn’t know whether she would accept him, even knowing her family supported her gay brother.
She could see the familiar panic rising in him, so she squeezed his shoulder again, her thumb rubbing circles into his skin through the fabric of his shirt. “I feel honoured that you trusted me with this. I won’t abuse your trust - your secret is safe with me.”
He swallowed, relieved. “It’s not exactly a secret among the Downworlders. But thank you.” He nodded at her, and she took back her hand.
“I’m sorry. I should have asked before touching you. I promise I will ask next time; I don’t want to cross your boundaries.” Isabelle said, embarrassed, then tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.
“It was okay, I didn’t mind. I’m good with casual touch from people I know. But thank you for thinking about it - many don’t.” He told her.
They shared a small smile, before going back to their work.
“So, what is Magnus Bane like?” She asked, curious.
“He is an amazing man. Without him I would not be here - a leader of the vampire clan, and a person feeling comfortable with his sexuality. Just like my mamá, he had taught me how to love and how to be a good person. And I try to follow his example.” Raphael said, adding finishing touches to the salad. “I’ll put that in the fridge.” He motioned towards the bowl, then put a tin foil on it. “If you want to learn more about him, I could probably arrange a meeting - he is a busy man, but we try to meet every month to stay in touch. He is another member of my family.”
He picked up the bowl to put it in the fridge, but saw Izzy looking sadly at it. “Hey. Is something wrong?” Raphael asked, putting it back down.
“My family has been texting me. All of them - even dad.” Isabelle started. “But I have barely texted them back, just enough for them not to come barging in here. Mom even invited me over, but I have been telling her no. I just didn’t feel like going out.” She admitted. “And I was afraid I may hurt them. I have been thinking.” She said, leaning against the counter and facing Raphael. “I don’t remember what had happened to me during that month. What if I hurt someone, Raphael? What if I...killed someone?” She sounded small and scared, and he could feel his heart breaking. He knew her fear too well, even if he had never had amnesia.
“Is it okay if I hug you?” Raphael asked. He had learned that being ace made him more aware of the importance of physical contact, but also of consent, when it came to touching someone - he wouldn’t just hug someone, when he didn’t know whether or not they would want him to.
Izzy nodded silently, and two strong arms wrapped around her. She could feel her body start to shake again, but she was unaware she was crying until she could feel a damp spot on Raphael’s shirt touching her chin.
“Shhhh.” He held her close, as he gently stroked her back, to calm her down. “There’s no use in making up different scenarios, when you don’t know what happened to you. Worrying over nothing is no good.” Raphael whispered softly. “Someone has turned you, without your consent, then took away your memories. Whatever happened, it’s all on them. You should focus on trying to remember what had happened, instead of feeling guilty for something you may not have done. There is no proof anything like that had happened. Shhh.” One of his hands traveled up, to pet Izzy’s hair, then cup her head. “If you want to help, I’ll be meeting with your brother next week, to discuss what we have found out so far. And, I promise, than when I do find something, I will share it with you.”
He could feel her nod against his neck, then she leaned back in his embrace, to wipe her tears. “Sorry. I have no idea what got into me.”
“There is no need to apologise.” Raphael told her, looking straight into her eyes to get his message across. “You are going through rough times, and there is no shame in crying and letting it all out. Like I said, I’m here for you.”
“Thank you. Really, thank you for everything you’re doing.” She said, sincere. “I have no idea what I would have done without you.”
“I’m just happy to see you smile again.” Raphael replied.
“Um, I may have one more favour to ask. But, please, feel free to say no - you are already doing much.” Isabelle asked, nervous. “Would you like to company me to my mom’s? I know that there will be 4 Shadowhunters there, and a werewolf, and I know they can defend themselves, but I would still feel more at peace with a vampire present.”
“It would be my honour to go there with you.” Raphael replied, which made Izzy smile. “I unfortunately have plans for next week, but after that, my schedule is clear. Would it work for you?”
“Of course. I don’t want to interfere with your work.” She told him. “I may even feel more confident, having extra time to see whether or not I could be trusted not to anything stupid.” She added with a sad smile. “Thank you for doing this, once again.”
“There is no need to thank me, once again.” Raphael smiled at her softly.
Izzy nodded, accepting his words. “We were supposed to make those fajitas, remember? So, where should we start?”