Chapter Text
Back against his car, squinting into the morning sun, Alec Hardy sighed into his mobile as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Darlin’, please. It’s just one more week - ”
“There’s a train leaving here in two hours. I could be in Broadchurch tonight.”
“You have to finish the term at school first. That was the agreement. Do you really want to be months behind because of a row with your mother?”
Hardy heard Daisy groan into the other end of the line. “She’s driving me crackers. She won’t leave me alone for even a minute. Dave keeps trying to help, but he’s such a knob. And Cadence and McKenzie are being such bitches about –“
“One more week, Daze,” Hardy interrupted. “I know it’s hard, but you’ve done it for sixteen years already. One more week is doable. I’ve got to get myself sorted out here first, unless you fancy living in a hotel.” Hardy pulled the phone away from his ear to check the time. “I’ve got to go. Back at work this morning.”
“Fine,” Daisy responded glumly.
“I’ll see you this weekend, yeah? Love you, darlin’.”
“Yeah. Me, too.”
Hardy hung up and deposited the mobile into his jacket pocket. Looking up at the station, he straightened his tie and stood up a bit taller, ignoring the nagging feeling of – nerves? Anticipation? – that somewhat chilled his stomach. With a deep breath, Hardy started up the steps towards the front door he’d exited two years earlier.
“…We’ve made several new hires in the last few months to keep up with population growth, and the constabulary have allocated funds for us to take on four new PCs and two new DCs.” The Chief Super spoke over her shoulder as Hardy trailed her into CID. “Hope you like reading CVs.” Hardy felt that interjecting with an opinion would be bad form that early in the workday as he surveyed the bullpen. Although Hardy couldn’t name any names, a few of the faces were recognizable, though several were new. One notable exception, however, was nowhere to be seen.
The Chief Super cleared her throat. “People, may I have your attention?” The hum of the CID quieted as people stopped their conversations and looked up at her. “Please welcome back Alec Hardy. He’s taking over for D.I. Sanderson. D.I. Hardy joins us from the South Mercia Constabulary, and a few of you worked with him here back in 2013.” The eyes of CID were on Hardy now. He shifted uncomfortably. Was he meant to say something?
Hardy cleared his own throat and nodded at the room. “Right,” he said. The unfamiliar faces furrowed their brows in confusion while Hardy heard a few light snickers from the old guard as activity recommenced in the room. The Chief Super gave her own snort of laughter.
“Inspiring,” she quipped. Hardy gave the room another surreptitious scan and tried to ignore the sting of disappointment. He caught site of an empty seat at a utilized desk. The computer’s monitor was off, but Hardy noticed a picture tacked onto the cubicle’s wall. It looked to be Tom and wee Fred, a few years older but unmistakable. So Miller was still in CID, Hardy realized. Nowhere to be seen at the moment, but the observation was enough to help alleviate a bit of the apprehension he’d felt since walking in the building.
“Alec?” The Chief Super once again grabbed Hardy’s attention. She nodded towards her office. “Shall we get started?”
Once again, Hardy nodded as he followed the Chief Super, still wondering about Miller’s whereabouts, but ready to focus on the tasks ahead.
The next morning brought plenty of paperwork and pressing items to Hardy’s desk, but Miller’s remained empty. Hardy only made it until half nine before curiosity got the best of him. As he made the short drive to Miller’s house, Hardy chastised himself for not having the patience to wait for her to return to work after whatever this absence was, be it a holiday or the flu or any other reason a person might be gone for a few days.
A car was parked in Miller’s driveway, but her house seemed otherwise quiet. Hardy briefly hesitated before knocking. No answer. He tried again, knocking more loudly a few more times before he could hear footsteps lumbering down the stairs inside. As the door flew open, Hardy found himself face to face with an enraged Ellie Miller.
“Bloody hell, what?!” Ellie snapped, one arm in her dressing gown while pushing her hair off her face. She froze in surprise as she got a look at her visitor. Ellie stared up at Hardy with bewilderment. “Jesus Christ.”
Hardy raised a hand in greeting. “Nope, just me.” Ellie shrugged on her robe as they both stood awkwardly, unsure of what to say. Hardy assessed Ellie’s pajamas and limp hair. “Um, did you just wake up?”
“Did you drive all the way here from Sandbrook to question me on my sleeping habits?”
“It’s gone ten. Why aren’t you at work?”
“Why aren’t you?!” Ellie turned and stalked off into her house. Hardy decided to accept the still-open door as an invitation to come in. Closing it behind him, Hardy stood in the doorway of Ellie’s kitchen, watching her fill the kettle and slam down mugs with far more force than necessary.
“I’m back in CID. I’m taking Sanderson’s position.”
“I knew that.”
“You did?”
“Yes. There was a bloody email.” Ellie pulled a carton of milk from the fridge and shoved it into Hardy’s hands as she surveyed the kitchen cabinets for tea bags. He held onto the container, unsure of why she had given it to him rather than leave it at the kitchen table with the mugs.
“I’m surprised you didn’t apply.”
Ellie shrugged and shot him daggers, boxes of tea in both hands. “I’d prefer a couple extra hours of sleep to this early morning career counseling session, you know.”
“It’s not that early.” Ellie deposited the boxes on the table and rattled the kitchen drawers, looking for spoons. She sat at the kitchen table with the kettle. Hardy, after a moment’s trepidation, sat across from her. “Are you ill?”
“No.” Ellie poured water into her mug before pushing the kettle towards Hardy. “I didn’t get to bed last night. I dropped Fred off at nursery and came back here to sleep.” She gestured her mug towards Hardy. “And here you are, and now my plan is shot to shit.” It occurred to Ellie that she hadn’t bothered to put on a bra under her t-shirt before answering the door, but in her tiredness she didn’t much care. “I’m on leave, for the duration.”
Hardy stirred milk in his tea. “The duration of what?”
Ellie hesitated a moment before sipping her tea. “My mum’s in hospice. She has lung cancer. She developed legions on her brain in the past few months, and in the last week or so, she’s become fairly unresponsive.” Ellie sighed. “Any day now. We thought she was going last night, but she’s still holding on.”
“Christ,” Hardy exhaled. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
Ellie shrugged, mug in hand. “I didn’t expect you to.” Neither spoke for a moment. Elle peered at Hardy over her mug. “Why are you back in Broadchurch?”
Hardy gave his head a light shake. “No reason,” he said, sipping his tea.
Ellie gave him a defeated look. “I feel as if I should give you a bollocking, but I don’t have the energy.” As they both sat at the table, Hardy hunched over his mug, Ellie leaning back in her seat, Hardy reflected on what he’d expected – hoped – reuniting with Miller would have been like. This wasn’t the scenario he had pictured. Hardy was a bit braver in his own thoughts than he was in person at that moment. After a couple of years of emails deleted before sending, text messages erased, pulling up contacts without completing the call – Hardy wondered why it was so hard to tell the truth. I missed you. That’s all he had to say. Why was it so impossible to get a few simple words out?
Hardy pushed away his now empty cup and cleared his throat. “Well, just wanted to check in. I’ll let you get back to sleep. Um… ring if you need anything.”
Ellie nodded. “I should be back in a few days. I gave my caseload to Tony Matthews. Just don’t let him make a dog’s breakfast of it while I’m gone.”
Ellie walked Hardy to the front door and watched him pull away. Through his rear-view mirror, Hardy noticed Ellie still standing at her front door as he drove off.
A couple mornings later, Hardy stood in his newly leased house, snapping a few photos on his mobile as the rental agent annotated some paperwork in the kitchen. Hardy texted the photos to Daisy while the agent pulled some keys from an envelope. “So we’re sorted here,” said the agent as he handed the keys to Hardy. “You can ring the office if you need anything.” They shook hands before the agent departed. Hardy’s mobile buzzed with Daisy’s response. A few emojis seemed to indicate her approval. His phone in his hand, Hardy idly wondered if he should check in with Miller. He hadn’t spoken to her since they’d had tea in her kitchen, but he didn’t want to overstep. With his mobile back in his pocket, Hardy exited his new flat and made his way down the hill towards the station.
The next evening, Hardy finished up in CID and made his way to Sainsbury’s, realizing that he could no longer get away with an unstocked fridge and empty cupboards with a teenager in the house. Tess was driving Daisy down in a couple of days. Hardy was elated for her arrival, if not a bit nervous, and was determined to rebuild a pleasant home for himself and his daughter in Broadchurch.
Pushing a trolley around the store, Hardy was momentarily unsure of what to buy. What did Daisy actually like to eat? Self-doubt took over his mental shopping list as Hardy mulled over his daughter’s inevitable move. Turning a corner, Hardy was caught by surprise as he spotted Miller, arms folded, staring blankly at the deli counter. He paused for a moment, until Ellie caught sight of him looking. Hardy inferred from her listless expression that it was probably over for her mother. He tentatively pushed the trolley in her direction as Ellie looked back towards the counter.
“All right?”
Ellie sighed. “Yesterday afternoon.” She shifted on her feet, wrapping her coat around her body. “She’d been unconscious for a few days. The funeral’s Saturday, and there’s a wake at my house after. Family’s a bit much at the moment, so I thought I’d get the platters and go home and start setting up.” Ellie looked over into Hardy’s empty trolley. “You know, you’re meant to put shopping in there.”
Hardy scoffed a bit, internally glad to see Miller was still taking the piss when the opportunity arose. A teenage employee appeared behind the counter, depositing three large platters of sandwiches in front of the pair. “Do I pay for these here or up front?” Ellie inquired.
“You can pay here,” replied the employee. “I need to grab the rest of the trays from the back first.”
“Bloody hell, there’s more?” Ellie raised her brows in surprise.
“Yep, seven more,” replied the teenager, disappearing into a back room.
“Christ,” Ellie exhaled. “Lucy ordered all this, and I get to pay for it. Story of my bloody life.”
Hardy pushed his empty trolley towards her. “Here, you’ll need this.”
“Thanks,” Ellie responded. “Aren’t, um – you using it?”
“Nah.” Hardy shook his head. “I’ll take Daisy shopping when she gets here. Didn’t really know what to buy.”
“Oh.” Ellie looked curious. “She’s visiting?”
“Um, moving, actually. She’s starting sixth form here. She and Tess will be here Saturday evening.”
Ellie was caught off guard. “Oh.” Neither spoke as the teenaged employee staggered out with trays of cut cheeses and fruit before retreating back. “So, um, is Tess looking for a position in Broadchurch, because I hadn’t heard about –“
“Tess isn’t staying. Just dropping Daisy off.”
“Oh,” Ellie once again repeated. The Sainsbury employee reappeared with a couple of veg trays.
“Two more,” he said, once again leaving the pair. Ellie picked up the trays and moved them into the trolley.
“When you left before, I just assumed –“
“What?”
Ellie shook her head. “Nothing.” She pointed at the trays on the counter. “This the last of it?” she asked the teenaged employee. He nodded as Ellie handed him her credit card. “Well, if you ever wondered what 400 pounds worth of deli trays looks like…” Hardy loaded the trolley as Ellie signed the receipt. They exited the building together in companionable silence, loading the boot of Ellie’s car with the trays. Hardy cleared his throat.
“Do you – do you need help setting up?”
“Um, Beth Latimer’s at my house right now. She, Tom, and I were going to get everything sorted tonight.” Ellie paused. “Thanks, though. The funeral’s at eleven on Saturday, but don’t feel that you have to –“
“I’ll be there,” Hardy interrupted.
Ellie nodded. “Well, then – see ya.”
Hardy raised a hand in goodbye as both climbed in their respective vehicles and drove off.
The churchyard outside of St. Bede’s seemed claustrophobic on the sunny Saturday as mourners stood among the headstones, chatting idly as they waited for the burial to begin. Ellie surveyed the yard, holding Fred by the hand. He was fairly wriggly after the long service. As Ellie scooped him up to balance him on her hip, she realized it wouldn’t be too long before she wouldn’t be able to carry him anymore. Lucy joined her, assessing Ellie’s outfit with a withering look.
“I can’t believe you wore a suit. You look like you’re about to go question a drug pusher.”
“Well, didn’t want to miss an opportunity to let Mum down one last time,” Ellie retorted. The last couple of weeks had been difficult enough on their own, but Lucy’s constant arguments about the funeral plans and the death notice had exacerbated Ellie’s stress. Lucy scoffed as she stalked away, the hem of her not-particularly-church-appropriate wrap dress swaying as she walked. Mum would have had choice words about Lucy’s neckline. Ellie nearly laughed out loud at her own thought. Tom glumly shuffled over to take his aunt’s place by Ellie’s side. Ellie wrapped her free arm around Tom as he leaned into her shoulder. None of the Millers spoke as they looked over the crowd, Ellie holding up the weight of both her children while various relatives and long time family friends mingled around them.
As Hardy exited the church, he scanned the yard for Ellie. He kept his distance as he spotted her with her sons, not wanting to intrude.
It wasn’t long before the funeral goers had reconvened for the wake, encroaching Ellie’s physical and emotional space. Between barbs from Lucy and plenty of tone-deaf comments from extended family, Ellie was ready to vacate her own home and run straight into the ocean just to get herself some peace. Hardy had spent the better part of an hour nursing a small glass of wine, making awkward small talk with the handful of Broadchurch residents he actually recognized. Hardy glanced up at Miller, looking for an opening that wasn’t happening as she greeted the endless stream of visitors, teeth gritted under a smile plastered on her face. Hardy excused himself from his conversation with Paul Coates and Maggie Radcliffe – easy enough to do, since he wasn’t exactly participating – to make his way over to Ellie, who was talking to an older woman.
“Nope, not seeing anyone, Aunt Deborah.” Ellie feared she’d bite through her own tongue in an attempt to stop herself from saying something regretful.
Aunt Deborah gave Ellie a patronizing smile. “Sweetheart, you’re not getting any younger.”
“I’m aware of that, Aunt Deborah.”
“What about Joe? You won’t consider giving him another chance?”
Ellie forced a smile. “Well, last I saw him, I told him I’d kill him if he ever came back, so… no. Thanks for coming by!” To Hardy’s surprise, Ellie grabbed him by the arm and pulled him away. “I think I may burn down the house with everyone inside,” she hissed as guests milled around them.
“Come outside and get some air, yeah?” Hardy and Miller inched their way towards the front door and out into the afternoon sun.
They walked away from the house, ambling in silence. Ellie couldn’t help but notice that, despite his absence, there was no awkwardness between her and Hardy. Much like stepping into a well-worn pair of shoes, they had seemingly picked up exactly where they’d left off after a two year pause. As they approached the high street, Ellie felt a lot of the tension of the week falling away. Naturally, this seemed as good as time as any to upend the status quo. “Why are you really back?”
Hardy groaned. “Miller –“
Ellie interrupted. “No, you’re not telling me something. I know it.”
Hardy felt his mobile buzz in his pocket. Grateful for the interruption, he glanced at the screen. Tess.
“All right?”
“Where are you? We were just at your gaffe.”
“I thought you weren’t coming until five.”
“Daze was eager to get started early and we made good time. I assumed you’d be home.”
“Bloody hell, Tess.” Ellie looked on curiously. “Just come down the high street, we’re close by and I’ll meet you there.”
“Who’s ‘we’?”
Hardy sighed. “It’s a five minute drive, just come down.” Hanging up, he turned towards Miller. “Daisy’s arrived early.” They rounded the corner onto the high street as Tess pulled to the curb. Rolling down the passenger side window, Tess peered past Daisy and up towards Ellie and Hardy.
“Hi, Dad,” Daisy said as she leaned out the open window, encircling her father in a limited hug. He returned it with a kiss to her head. Ellie stood behind him, unsure if she should stay or depart. Tess glanced curiously from Ellie to Hardy.
“Where are you two coming from?”
“A wake.”
“Oh. Who died?”
“Erm… Miller’s mum.”
“Oh,” Tess repeated, glancing over at Ellie. “I’m sorry.”
Ellie nodded, shifting slightly uncomfortably. “Thank you.”
Daisy’s eyes lit up in recognition. She pointed over at Ellie. “Oh, you’re Ellie Miller.”
“Um… yes.”
No one was sure of what to say until Tess cleared her throat. “Well, it’s been a long drive, and Daisy’s eager to see the new house…”
“Right.” Hardy nodded as he straightened up. Momentarily, he was unsure of what to do. Happy as he was to see his daughter, he didn’t want to leave Miller behind.
“Well, get in,” Tess called out, unable to keep the irritation out of her voice. Hardy glanced back at Ellie, while Tess looked over as well. “Ellie, we’ll give you a lift back to…”
“It’s at my house. Um, thanks, but I think I’ll walk back.” Ellie smiled down at Daisy. “Welcome to Broadchurch. Hopefully I’ll see you soon.” She departed with a wave, rounding a corner and disappearing out of site. Hardy couldn’t help but feel the nag of guilt as he pushed his way into the crowded back seat of Tess’ car. Tess looked at him in the rearview mirror with a surprised raise of her eyebrows.
“What’s all this, then?”
“Bloody hell, Tess.”
As Tess drove off, Hardy couldn’t help but feel the sensation of being pulled in two separate directions. Why did it feel like he was making some kind of mistake?