Archive of Our Own

13^th of April 2018
08:01 AM

It all started out pretty harmlessly. 

Jungkook had not even suspected a single thing and would have never estimated that it would happen to him.

Jeon Jungkook, out of all the people. 

His morning had started relatively normal with him eating a large bowl of cereal with lukewarm milk, not too hold and not too cold. After all, he preferred to eat his food in certain conditions and just could not stand the taste of cold milk with cereal. People could judge him all they wanted, but he wanted his cereal soggy and there was no way that he would eat it differently just because people are grossed out, thank you very much. 

All of his Hyungs had started judging him from the day he was comfortable eating his food in his own ways, throwing pleads for him to stop and disgusting comments at him. At least he was not barbaric and drizzled ketchup all over his fries like a maniac. 

Everyone judged him about his habits, except for a certain Hyung. Jimin oftentimes encouraged Jungkook to do what he wanted to do and to not let other people make him feel insecure. Both of them knew that the teasing of the other members was not anything serious, but the message behind Jimin’s statement was the thing that counted. 

But… Jimin Hyung was generally something else. 

The elder carried himself with so much confidence and self-assurance that Jungkook did not know if he had to be intimidated or in awe. He greatly respected Jimin for being a driven person and giving his everything to achieve his goals, no matter how unreachable his goals might be. 

Furthermore, Jimin was all in all a good human being and a really kind soul. He always went out of his way to care about the others, before he even thought about caring about himself. Jimin was someone who was responsible for spreading love everywhere he went and he had this beautiful and magical aura that naturally attracted people to him. 

It did not matter who got in contact with Jimin, everyone would be put under a spell by his natural charms and his blinding smiles. Not only that, but Jimin was also extraordinarily talented at being adorable. 

Honestly, that was the main reason why it was hard for Jungkook to treat Jimin as a Hyung. 

No matter what Jimin did, if it was painting a picture or even washing the damn laundry, somehow he made everything look adorable. There was something about his angelic features, the flickering of his eyes and the way he carried himself that just screamed that he was a human-sized marshmallow. 

And don’t even get Jungkook started on how cute Jimin was whenever he had sweater paws or when he wore clothes that were way too large on him. Just the thought made Jungkook softly sigh. 

The point was, Jimin did not judge him for his habits regarding food. Hell, Jimin even was proud of Jungkook for admitting that he liked pineapple on pizza, even if Jimin himself hated it with a passion. 

After a satisfying breakfast with the other members, they all had gone out to their dance studio to prepare for their upcoming tour and the release of their album. Being the hard workers that they were, they had already completely finished all of the tracks and the only thing that was missing was the concept photos. 

But those also would not be much of a hassle to get done. 

Because of that, now they had the time to freely train for all of the future releases and they could also concentrate on working on their next album, even though they had not even released this one. 

It made Jungkook proud to think about how hard they had worked.

Of course, they had already arrived at the dance studio at 5 am sharp and, even though they were tired and could use more sleep, they had practically jumped into their training routine. 

All of them were passionate and eager to perfect everything before their big world tour, so a decent sleeping plan was not something huge on their agenda. At least for Jungkook, everything was about working the hardest he could to satisfy their fans. 

Before all of them even knew it, they had thoroughly practiced a choreography for a few hours and their bodies were practically drenched in sweat. The day had barely even started and they already looked like they had run a marathon. 

The leader, Namjoon, had announced that all of them could take a well-deserved break to catch their breaths, leaving Jungkook to stare at himself in the mirror for a moment. 

His hair was wet and partially sticking to his forehead, his skin sticky with his sweat. He smiled at himself, studying himself for a moment before he decided to head towards the benches at the opposite side to grab himself a bottle of water. 

If one of the Hyungs had caught him staring at himself in the mirror like this, they probably would have thought he was going insane. 

Most of the others were already desperate to quench their thirst, an amused emotion shortly flashing over his face as he gazed at his slightly worn-out members chugging down water like it was air. 

He slightly bowed forward to grab himself a bottle, pulling off the cap and throwing his head back to also basically chug down his own bottle in one go. Even though he loved dancing and loved to work hard, resting after such exhausting workouts felt like heaven and the water gliding down his throat satisfied him. 

However, after a while, he could feel a pair of eyes on him and directed his gaze into the direction it must have come from. To his surprise, Jimin was openly staring at him with an unreadable expression, an opened and full water bottle in his hands. 

Once again, the elder appeared cute with his oversized hoodie and almost absent-looking expression. Jungkook had noticed that sometimes Jimin tended to drift off into his own world for a few moments, eyes unfocused and empty as he was deep in thought. The same thing was happening now and even his lips were slightly pursed, making it look like he was pouting. 

When Jimin got ripped out of his trance by Jungkook looking back at him, the younger questioningly raised an eyebrow and moved the bottle away from his slightly wet lips. Jimin only sheepishly shook his head and signaled Jungkook that it was nothing, so Jungkook did not think much of it. 

Jungkook did not know if Jimin had noticed, but there were times where they could purely communicate through eye contact and motions of their bodies. It was a little strange, but that quirk in their friendship made Jungkook treasure it even more. 

At this point, Hoseok and Namjoon were standing between them to reach for their own bottles and Jungkook was slightly worried because Jimin still had not taken a sip from his water. 

Worrying about Jimin was something that Jungkook did a lot these days. 

Back during the old times, he felt like he was incapable of being able to build friendships and relationships with other people. He was a guy that was shyer and more insecure than others, making it hard for him to open up to other people. However, no matter how hard Jungkook pushed against it, Jimin was the only one who always kept coming back. 

The other Hyungs knew when to stop pushing him and respected that he was different from others. But Jimin constantly pushed his boundaries, forcing physical contact whenever he wanted and teasing Jungkook to no end with his sweet affection. 

At first, it annoyed Jungkook to no end. 

He did not understand why Jimin would not leave him alone, especially since he had not made much effort to reciprocate the friendly affection. But over the time, he warmed up to the elder’s antics and found himself enjoying the way Jimin cared for him. Slowly but surely, he developed habits that Jimin possessed, becoming a bit clingier and being less afraid to open up and confidently state his opinions. 

Jimin had been his personal, small role model and as much as he respected him for it, Jungkook would never say that out loud. The chances of finding him dead in a cave were higher than him saying that Jimin was his role model. 

So, Jungkook worried a lot about him and did not want anything bad to happen to him. 

He mindlessly listened as Hoseok began to make conversation with Jimin, but Jungkook was ripped out of his trance at a certain comment. 

“Has the tasty food from our summer vacation been getting to you, Jiminie?” 

There was a teasing undertone in Hoseok’s voice as he muttered it and even though they all knew that it was a joke, Jungkook found it plainly unnecessary. 

Being an idol came with a lot of struggles, especially when it came to one's visuals and body. There are people who develop eating disorders and insecurities because of all the pressure. There are people who seriously start to suffer from being in the public eye. 

Jungkook did not think like this because he was biased or something, but Jimin had already sustained problems in his past, where he did not eat right and overworked himself too much. 

It was only natural for Jungkook to worry about Jimin when someone made a fleeting comment like this because he really was scared that Jimin would let the words get to him. 

With his eyes fixed on his Hyung, he watched as the smaller man fully froze up for a short moment, as if he was flabbergasted by the unexpected comment. There was a bad feeling building in his chest at the expression on Jimin’s face, but he could not dwell onto it for much longer when Namjoon interrupted them. 

“Well, he wouldn’t be the only one. The food was so heavenly though. I don’t even regret the weight that I have gained because of it.” The youngest attempted to brush off this situation as a small smile spread on Jimin’s lips and played along by grinning while drinking his water. 

However, his mind was still subconsciously bothered by the way Jimin had reacted, even if he tried to push the worries away. After this, the members started fooling around and speaking about re-visiting Saipan, before Namjoon announced that their little break was over. 

Albeit unwillingly, Jungkook put his bottle away and attempted to fully concentrate on the training for now. 


13^th of April 2018
10:49 PM

The clinking of cutlery and tableware sounded through the packed room and fragrant, seductive smells of an appetizing cuisine essentially had cast a spell upon Jungkook. There was the faint sound of Jazz music playing from a stereo somewhere in the distance and the lightning was slightly dimmed to exhibit a much more domestic and tranquil aura.

The table that Jungkook and his Hyungs remained at was still mostly vacant, except for the few glasses of rice wine and soju and the decoration. A plant, that Jungkook did not know the name of, was positioned directly in the middle of the table and popped with its violet color, tissues, and silverware standing next to it in a metallic, lengthy basket.

The table itself was wooden and had a very light color that gave the entire ambiance a much more rustic and nostalgic feeling, reminding him of the simpler and less modern times. To his enjoyment, they had been able to get a hold of a secluded booth that separated them from noisy eyes and watchers.

It felt all the more intimate to all of them like this.

At the moment, Jungkook had his body turned away from the table and was sipping on his rice wine, which was a sign of respect towards the other members. He enjoyed the soft and gentle taste of sake on his tongue, the flavors spreading into each cranny and nook of his throat. The fragrances of the sake were also rather prominent, fruity and flowery smelling.

The rest of the members were making mindless and untroubled conversation while waiting for the dinner that was being prepared. Once again, they had gone all out with the food and nearly ordered everything off of the menu, their hunger as apparent as ever.

Just as Jungkook had twisted back around again and had settled his drink onto the table, Namjoon, who was sitting right across from him with Seokjin and Yoongi by his sides, had spoken up to catch his attention.

“Jungkookie, are you sure you don’t want to eat anything? You must be starving, like all of us, at this point and we don’t want to put you through the torture of you having to watch us eat.” His eyes were slightly concerned and Jungkook could tell that the leader felt bad, so he waved his hand in dismissal and embedded a bright grin onto his lips.

“It’s fine, Hyung. I’d rather wait and eat later with Jimin. I mean, bringing him food is good and all, but I don’t want him to be lonely and eat all alone. He already works so hard, so he deserves company while eating.” He explained, realizing that this was the most he had spoken tonight because of how much he had been in his personal thoughts.

Ever since they had left the dance studio, he could only think about Jimin. The charming man had decided that he wanted to continue training for a bit longer and that he would eat something later, but Jungkook just could not stop worrying.

Jimin had already given everything that he could today and put so much effort into perfecting the choreography that Jungkook could not understand how he wanted to dance even more.

Don’t get Jungkook wrong, he also had a passion for the art that was dancing and understood how addictive it could be, but Jimin’s motivation for it was on a whole new scale. Whether it was the tender movements of ballet or the sharp pops of Hip-Hop, Jimin knew how to get himself into the zone to execute his performance with utter perfection. He always managed to apply the right type of style to his dances and, if he wanted to, he could also mix different and contradicting styles.

The point was, Jungkook thought that Jimin deserved a break and that he should not exert himself too much, but he had had no say in the matter. It was Jimin’s decision, even if he did not like it and he dejectedly had to respect that.

He would have so much preferred to have Jimin sitting next to him instead of Taehyung or Hoseok, wanting to see a relaxed, tipsy and happy Jimin who had no boundaries. Jungkook deemed his little alcoholic tendencies adorable and could never stop fawning over how cute his Hyung was whenever he let loose, affection practically flowing off of him in waves.

But now, he had to bear Hoseok nearly suffering an existential crisis next to him and he had to accept Taehyung becoming too cuddly and whiny, all because of the alcohol in their systems.

“It’s really nice and heart-warming to see that you care about Jimin so much. But don’t forget to think about yourself and your needs, too, alright? I’m not saying this as your leader, but as your friend.” Namjoon softly spoke, ignoring the way Jin was obnoxiously laughing over a joke that Taehyung had made and how Yoongi was downing his 5th glass. Jungkook simply nodded, giving the leader a reassuring smile.

Namjoon had also been one of Jungkook’s role models for a long time. To be fair, the leader was his first role model ever. The first time Jungkook had heard him rapping and seen him create music in his own unique way, he could not stop himself from accepting the offer of joining their group.

Namjoon was such an interesting and matchless character, it fascinated Jungkook to no end. The meaningful and artistic music that Namjoon managed to produce and the inspiration that he never lacked gave Jungkook the motivation to improve himself. He simply adored the elder for who he was and his ambitions and felt blessed for being able to work with him.

Namjoon must have dismissed the topic from then on, engaging back into the careless and playful conversation.

“Hyung, you doing alright? You look like you’ve just found out that your cat died or something.” The question was directed to Hoseok, so he turned his head to his left.

As Namjoon had said, Hoseok looked positively wasted and carried his typically depressed expression. This usually happened, if he had had too many drinks. Seeing their constantly happy and cheerful member go to sad and thoughtful whenever he drank too much concerned all of them at first, but by now it had become common knowledge.

“Yeah… It’s just…” Hoseok slurred out, his gaze hallow and barren and his elbow landing on the table, chin resting in his hand. By now, Jungkook was already wondering how all of them were going to eat their food. If they continued on like that, all of them would be drunk by the time the food arrived.

“…I’m just thinking about home. It’s just confusing because… well… I miss mum and dad and my sister but at the same time, being with you guys feels like being at home, so… what is my home? Does home even exist?”

Namjoon blinked, once, twice, before breaking out into chuckles, Jungkook doing the same.

“I haven’t had enough alcohol to drink to think about shit like that.” Yoongi absentmindedly commented, shooting a pointed glare in Hoseok’s direction.

“Well, home is where you feel safe at. Home doesn’t have to be just one place. It doesn’t even have to be a place at all. Home is where you can completely be yourself and where you don’t have to be afraid of judgment. I think home can be a person but it can also be a place, depending on one’s relation to that person or place.” There was a sudden and obvious silence on the table, everyone had listened to the leader’s words.

Then, there was a little sniffle from Jungkook’s right side and Taehyung had snuggled closer to him to cling onto his arm, cuddling into it.

“T-That’s beautiful, Joon-Hyung.” He sadly breathed out, eliciting a roll of the eyes from Jungkook and Yoongi.

“Well done, Namjoon. You’ve just successfully fucked up Tae by being philosophical.” Seokjin sarcastically patted the leader’s shoulder in comfort.

“It’s not my fault that he gets sensitive when he drinks too much…” The leader tried to defend himself, Jungkook still struggling with getting Taehyung to stop hugging his arm. Seriously, all of his Hyungs were a bunch of crackheads and such a comment is coming from Jungkook himself, the biggest crackhead of all time.

“You could still think about how your words affect us and our feelings! Now I just want to go and see my mum and dad because I miss them.” Hoseok whined out loud, his lips in a pout.

Ok, forget what Jungkook had stated.

His Hyungs were actually a bunch of toddlers.

All of a sudden, Jin jumped up from his seat to stand, all of the attention falling on him and everyone getting quiet. It was so quiet that they were even able to hear the conversations of people that sat close to them.

“Listen, you all better chill and sort out your problems. I’m not in the mood for a bunch of crybabies ruining my meal, so if anyone is still upset by the time the food arrives, I won’t hesitate to grab that person and throw them out of the restaurant.” The eldest spoke at a fast pace, expression wild and almost comical. There was an almost eerie silence between all of them, only interrupted by the sound of Yoongi sipping on his soju.

Almost as if the world had suddenly become a better place, Taehyung moved away from Jungkook, thankfully, and sat up straight in his seat, flat hand falling against his forehead as if he was saluting to a sergeant.

“Yes, sir!” There was a slight slur to his deep voice, his eyelids looking heavy and making it clear that he was extremely tipsy.

As Yoongi continued to carelessly sip on his drink, Namjoon pulled a pained expression because of how Taehyung had behaved, his dimples slightly appearing. Hoseok had also stayed quiet, but he looked at least somewhat happier as he shot the eldest an intimidated, innocent smile. Satisfied with the calmness, Jin had sat down and began to pour himself more rice wine.

Now, Jungkook was not really someone who was able to make conversation easily and tended to be awkward during situations like these, but being with the other members made everything seem natural and comfortable. Promptly, a relaxed aura spread among them without much effort and new conversation topics were brought up again.

Jungkook had been calmly playing with his glass, which was stood on the table, and was listening in to the conversation that Yoongi and Namjoon were making about a new track. But a nudge from his left side had caught his attention, gaze falling onto a relatively peaceful-looking Hoseok.

Hoseok was… a rather special person.

Not only was he someone who brought happiness and joy into the group, but he was also like the powerhouse of the group, at least in Jungkook’s opinion. His sunshine-like grins and special humor never seized to lift up any bad moods. There was just something about Hoseok that instantly revealed that he was a person with a good heart and pure intentions.

But many people only saw the surface of his personality, blinded by his obnoxious laughs and loud nature. It was a bit weird to think that it was true, but Hoseok was someone who cared deeply about the people around him and he was actually a really big worrier. There were times where Hoseok would get exceedingly emotional and he needed the support of the other members whenever that happened. Even though it looked like he was careless and way too childish for his age, he knew his limits and values.

“Is everything ok with you…?” Hoseok’s question was not meant in an offensive way and Jungkook realized that because of his soft tone, eyes hazy but still kind of focused. At the weird and unexpected question, Jungkook raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Um, yeah? Is there any reason for you to believe that I wouldn’t be ok?” Hoseok’s reaction, once again, was sort of suspicious, a sigh falling off of his lips and he searchingly gazed around, as if he was scared that someone would listen into their conversation. Because of his actions, Jungkook became even more confused.

“I was just thinking about Jimin…” Hoseok carefully began and that properly got Jungkook’s attention. With his posture lax and open, he further turned towards his Hyung to face him a bit more, suddenly much more into the conversation. An amused grin spread on Hoseok’s lips for some odd reason, but it disappeared so fast that Jungkook did not think much of it.

“…do you think that there’s a possibility that, well… that you like Jimin a bit more than you think…?”

Jungkook felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice over his head.

What kind of absolutely ridiculous question was that?

Since Jungkook had not been prepared for something like this, his eyes widened and he could feel his mouth fall open. He knew that he probably looked foolish, but he had to sort out his thoughts for a moment and could not bring himself to function like a normal human being.

The first thought that shot through his mind was one of denial. He could not fathom how Hoseok had even been able to come up with a question like that, barely able to calm his suspiciously fast beating heart.

As if Jungkook liked Jimin like that.

Of course, Jimin was a sweetheart.

He had such an amazing personality and knew how to make Jungkook happy. His smaller Hyung even had to ability to make him feel so comfortable, that he felt like he was able to completely behave like himself with no boundaries. All in all, he felt pleased and homey whenever he spent his time with Jimin.

There was also this thing.

Not only did Jimin give him the freedom to be himself, whenever they were together, Jungkook just felt… at peace. He felt like all of his worries and anxieties were gone whenever he was with his Hyung. Just thinking about that made his heart beat faster and he was slightly perplexed because of his reaction to his own thoughts. To distract himself, he let out a shocked, partially awkward laugh.

“What? Where did you get that idea from, Hyung? I mean, me and Jimin…? Jimin and I…? Us? Me? Him? Me liking him-?” He proceeded to stutter over his words and was unable to properly function, so Hoseok interrupted him with a kind laugh.

“Wow, Kook-ah. Calm down, I’m not going to interrogate you.” For some reason, Jungkook still was not able to really calm down, his accelerated heartbeat not giving him the possibility to rest. He was earnestly confused and worried as to why he was reacting like this. It wasn’t like he really liked Jimin.

He just… enjoyed being able to hang out with him.

More than all, he enjoyed being close to Jimin and seeing him happy. Just thinking about Jimin’s crinkly-eyed and blinding grin made him smile and gave him this weird, undefinable feeling in his chest. It was like someone was pressing against his heart and making it harder to breathe for him.

But that didn’t mean that he possibly had feelings for Jimin… right?

The thought kind of freaked him out because he had never really thought about his Hyung like that.

“I was just wondering about everything. You always seem so concerned about Jimin and always go out of your way to make sure that he’s happy. I might have been mistaken and it might be just you caring for Jimin, but it made me a little bit suspicious. Like… I wouldn’t be shocked if you actually had feelings for Jimin. There’s just something about the way you treat him and speak to him that is different from the way you behave around us.” Hoseok explained himself, hand reaching up to stroke the upper area of his ear as he stared at his glass of soju with an arm propped up on the table.

His tipsy state slightly slurred his speech and made the pout while he talked even more prominent. However, Jungkook was simply shaken and did not know what to say. Yes, he might treat Jimin a bit differently to the others and he might feel like he was living his happiest moments whenever he was with Jimin, but maybe he just platonically admired the elder?

At this point, Jungkook was scared that he was only trying to convince himself of something that was not true.

“I… I mean… Jimin is great and he has a really great personality and I really like his smile and I enjoy spending time with him more than everything and-.” Hoseok’s gaze landed on him again as he rambled on and on, a smug smirk spreading on his lips.

At that, Jungkook stopped himself.

“But he’s my Hyung and… I like him but not like that.” Hoseok intently watched him, as if he was trying to unravel Jungkook like a book to discover his deepest secrets and desires. It made Jungkook feel a little bit uncomfortable and like he had nowhere to escape. Then, his features softened again.

“Listen, Kook. I’m saying this as an advice for the future. Don’t be afraid of being yourself.” He paused after his impactful words, letting Jungkook soak in the information. “You’re someone who’s extremely talented and you are generally a people-pleaser, but we all know that you have your own struggles. Like… It has always been kind of obvious that you were too shy and reserved for your own good and it felt like none of us were able to really get through to you. You were so anxious and scared of being yourself during our debut days, but for some reason, Jimin was the first person that you warmed up to. It was almost magical how much more open you became after Jimin had broken through your shell and how we got to see so many more different sides of you. The point is, don’t be afraid of being yourself. You might think that you have to live up to other people’s expectations and that you should be the most perfect version of yourself, but the only opinion that truly counts is your own. If there’s something that you feel or something that you wish to do, then embrace your feelings and do what you want to do. Nobody should have a say in who you want to be. You’re your own person and being scared of your own feelings is basically a recipe for disaster. Just… never forget to listen to your heart and to stay true to yourself.”

Hoseok finished, stopping the motions of his fingers on his ear. Jungkook was pretty… overwhelmed. His mind was still busy with the idea of liking Jimin in more than a platonic way, so getting such meaningful advice right now… it confused him even further.

Of course, he always wanted to stay true to himself and to not change himself for the sake of others. But something about the idea that he could like Jimin… scared him. He did not know what it was or why he thought like this, but it scared him.

Before he could think more about it, he was violently ripped out of his confusion by the waiter and their arriving food. For the rest of the evening, he attempted to distract himself with mindless conversation and did his best to ignore Hoseok’s comforting arm around his shoulders.

14th of April 2018

01:09 AM.

Jungkook’s evening with his Hyungs at the restaurant had passed rather quickly and without any further heart-hitting discoveries. All of his Hyungs had practically stuffed their faces with food and by the end of the night, almost all of them had been completely wasted.

Especially Taehyung had been out of it, having to be carried home by a much more sober Namjoon. Hoseok was in his depressive state of mind, after a few more drinks, once again but he was at least able to walk on his own. Even Seokjin had become much giddier and was shaky on his legs by the end of the night. The only person that did not fail to impress Jungkook was Yoongi. The elder had managed to down at least one bottle on his own, but he had not really been affected by it and did not have a hard time walking straight. The only sign of him being affected by the alcohol was the heaviness and tiredness of his eyes and his slurred speech.

There were a lot of times where Jungkook had salivated over the delicious food and his Hyungs had teased him about it throughout their entire meal, nearly making the youngest give in and eat. But he grounded himself by thinking about Jimin and how he wanted to have dinner with him, managing to distract himself with other things.

He had also made sure to not drink too much, directly stopping after one single glass. He had already been confused and emotional tonight, so he did not want to know how alcohol would affect him this time.

After his Hyungs had finished eating, he had ordered take-home food and they had paid for everything. Since this restaurant was close to their training studio, he had decided not to call himself a cab and waved his Hyungs goodbye, before he headed off towards the direction of the studio with a bag of food heavy in his hand.

The laughter and weird screams of his members got more and more far away with every step he took, painting a smile on his face. As much as his Hyungs could be annoying at times, he still equally loved all of them and appreciated them for always being there for him.

Honestly, he could not imagine living without any of the 6 guys anymore, his heart pleased and at ease after such a successful night.

His walk was mostly calm and nice, still thinking about how fantastic the night had truly been. But then, another thought crossed his mind and it made him halt for a moment.

For some reason, he was much more nervous and stressed when he thought about meeting Jimin. He also was unable to brush off the matter of liking Jimin now that he was alone and there was only silence around him. Still deep in his thoughts, he continued to walk.

Was it really possible to like Jimin like that…?

Up until now he had never really thought about his romantic life and dating someone. Heck, he had not even had a girlfriend or his first kiss. He was still so inexperienced and did not know what to expect when it came to feelings and love since he had never really had a crush on anybody before. That was why he was so confused about his feelings at the moment.

He was scared because he had constantly believed that he was straight and had not given his sexuality a second thought. It was not like Jungkook was disgusted with liking the same gender, he actually supported love, no matter in what ways or forms it would be expressed. He did not care about the fact that men could love men and that women could love women. It was always something that was normal for him.

But that did not change the fact that he was raised under different beliefs and it was also extremely different to be affected by something like this. To be frank, it was hard for him to imagine himself in a relationship with another guy, no matter how much he supported homosexuality. All of this felt like a dam or some kind of boundary had been broken, making him feel free to think about things like this.

It was all so confusing and weird to him.

He chewed on the bottom of his inner lip, attempting to think rationally about this. Maybe he should watch over his feelings from now on and truly see how he feels around Jimin. Even though he was still scared, he wanted to sort out his feelings at first, before deciding on how he should figure everything out. If he did not have any feelings for Jimin in the end, then things would be easy and he could go back to his usual routine of not worrying over his love life.

But if it turned out that there was actually something more than just platonic admiration, then he would have to think about what he should do.

To his bad luck, he had managed to arrive at the studio fairly quickly, heading towards the entrance and entering the large building. He attempted to push away his worries, for now, wanting to clear his mind and wanting to just enjoy his evening with Jimin. Overthinking right now would make him look suspicious and he did not want to give off that vibe.

He walked the familiar route towards their designated dancing studio, strolling past shut doors and through long hallways. To his left, there were long, stretched windows that made him able to catch a glimpse of the outside world. Simultaneously on his right were all of the doors that led to different rooms, his footsteps on the ground echoing because of how empty the building was. A normal person would not be heading towards a dancing studio at this time of the day, after all.

But Jungkook would do everything for Jimin and he really pushed away from the thoughts that came back at him at the revelation. Soon enough, he had reached the door to the room but before he could push it open, he halted in his movements.

After a moment of unsureness, he tugged down the hem of his shirt and ran his hand through his hair to hopefully make it look a bit more presentable. He even went as far as using his fingers to make sure that his eyebrows were in their correct shape and that they did not look unkempt.

Putting on a bright grin and mentally preparing himself, he opened the door in one quick movement and slipped into the room. Jimin was already facing him and standing in the middle of the room, bewildered and scared expression on his face. He must have not expected anyone to come and see him at a time like this and the click of the door must have terrified him.

Because of that, Jungkook could feel his heartbeat quicken up and he could not stop thinking about how cute his Hyung really was.

When realization finally dawned upon Jimin, his features softened and turned into innocent wonder. As the elder made his way towards Jungkook, they younger tried not to choke on his breath because of how… pretty Jimin was.

He was extremely sweaty and the bags underneath his eyes were deep, but that did not change the fact that Jimin had this beautiful glow around himself. Even though he appeared exhausted and tired, he still had his domestic and natural beauty and carried himself with such grace that it gave Jungkook breathing problems. Even his throat dried up and he was close to hitting himself for reacting like that, trying to keep on his best bunny smile.

“Jungkookie? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home with the others?” Now, it was not so hard to force himself to keep a sane expression, his cheeks already hurting from smiling because of how actually shocked Jimin was.

Jimin was too adorable for his own good.

To answer Jimin’s questions, he held up the bag with food by dangling it on one of his fingers. Instantly, Jimin’s gaze fell upon it.

“First of all, it’s nearly 2 in the morning, so you should probably stop training for now. Secondly, I had a feeling that you’d over-exercise today and brought some food with me. We can just eat it here and then head home.” It was true that originally, they had planned that they would take Jimin’s food home and that Jimin could eat it as soon as he was back. But that thought just did not sit well with Jungkook and that was how he had ended up here.

There was a longing expression on Jimin’s face, almost as if he was in a trance and it made Jungkook fondly chuckle.

“Gukkie, you're a saint! I'm actually so hungry, I could eat an entire cow. Come on!“ Jungkook’s heart did a little flip when Jimin’s little fingers grabbed onto the sleeve of his shirt, dragging him towards the benches on the opposite side of the mirrors.

Even though Jimin’s intentions were demanding and desperate, his actual behavior was delicate and sweet. Just a look at the little fist clinging onto his sleeve made him smile like an idiot. Both of them comfortably sat down and Jungkook was promptly in the process of pulling out the boxes of food and placing them on the bench, right in between the two of them. But Jimin, once again, wondered out loud.

"Wait... Haven't you already eaten, Kookie? Because you went out with the other Hyungs before." Jungkook felt like he had been caught in a crime, but he quickly calmed himself. With a little hum, he pulled out two mahogany chopsticks and discarded the plastic bag.

"No, I still haven't eaten. I didn't want you to eat all on your own and just endured watching the Hyungs eat without me." Jimin’s stare on him was intense, so he held out one of the pairs towards Jimin.

He was slightly shocked by the little fist that softly punched his arm in protest. There was not even any real impact, to begin with, but the touch made the place where he had been hit tickle.

"Aish, why didn't you eat? You shouldn't have waited for me like that. Bringing me the food like this is already enough." He could hear the concern dripping off of his Hyung’s voice and felt himself grinning even brighter, the imagination that Jimin cared so much about him making him giddy.

Nevertheless, Jimin reached out for the chopsticks and Jungkook probably should not have been affected by this, but he felt a warm feeling spreading in his stomach and heard his heart beating in his ears when Jimin’s fingers brushed his own. The elder had pulled away rather fast though and had his eyes averted, much to Jungkook’s luck. He could already feel his face heating up and was scared that Jimin would notice and call him out on it.

Once again, he ignored the apparent pounding of his heart and collected his thoughts.

"Well, is it really that bad that I want to spend a little more time with you, Hyung? The preparations for the comeback and our tour have been so stressful lately and we've barely had any time to hang out. Yes, we all hang out as a group really frequently, but we haven't had any real one-on-one time in months. I want to cherish it." He hoped that his words did not sound desperate or too obvious, feeling self-conscious for some reason and like all of his feelings were as clear as day.

As he opened the boxes of food, he suppressed the nervous shaking of his fingers and attempted to keep calm because he had a feeling Jimin was staring at him. There was a comfortable silence in the air and just as Jungkook had finished opening up all the food, Jimin spoke up with a dreamy sigh.

“How do I even deserve you?” Jungkook did his best to concentrate on the tasty smells that wafted through the air, but he also was close to losing his sanity because of how ridiculously fast his heart was beating. It had never been this bad before.

“I swear, I could kiss you.” Jimin had mindlessly uttered and Jungkook nearly did not even catch the statement. But as soon as the statement had registered in his mind, Jungkook looked up at Jimin in shock and confusion, slightly disappointed that the elder had already begun to dig into the food and groaned out loud because of the good tastes.

He almost wanted to tell Jimin that he should repeat what he had said, wanting to desperately hear it again.

In the end, he let out a tiny sigh and gave Jimin one last lingering, hopeful look that even he himself was confused by.

20th of April 2018

04:17 PM.

A week had passed since Hoseok had made him realize things about… the condition of his relationship with Jimin. In the midst of training and making sure that the preparations for the comeback were running smoothly, he had also been thinking a lot.

Usually, he would not be this attentive and thoughtful of his own feelings. He knew about the risks and things that were at stake at the moment and he knew that this discovery could lead to unwanted and revealed… feelings, but he would rather tackle these obstacles.

If you had turned back time and you had tried to convince Jungkook that there was something going on with Jimin and him back in 2013, then Jungkook would have completely avoided the topic, even if he himself knew that something was up. Back then, he was so immature and would have constantly avoided conflict. Back then, he did not know how life worked and that he had to stand up for himself and his feelings.

Well, he still did not know how life worked.

He still did not have much experience and lacked knowledge.

But he had at least matured over the years and knew that this was not something that he could just brush off. He knew that this was something more meaningful and wanted to find out more about it, even if it subconsciously scared him to no end. During the last 7 days, he had been always thinking about Jimin and trying to figure out what was going on with himself. If he did not have any breaks or free time during the day, then he would lay in bed at night and think. If he was too tired to think about Jimin, then he would dream about the elder.

It was almost like a curse.

After his confusing conversation with Hoseok, it felt like his world had been flipped around and everything had to be questioned. It was extremely weird because things had been like always, nothing had changed. Just his mindset and how he perceived things had been changed, not the behavior of the people around him.

To be honest, it scared Jungkook a bit.

Whenever Jimin was around him or talked to him, he noticed more details that he normally would not look at twice. When they watched a movie together with the other members, Jungkook had thought twice about putting his arm on the couch behind Jimin’s shoulders. Such an action was something normal to all of them.

So, why did he suddenly think twice about it and why did it feel like there was an intention behind his very own actions that he himself did not know about?

There was this one time in the dancing studio.

Jungkook knew that Jimin had an impressive talent when it came to dancing. He managed to express emotions in a way that no other could and he moved his body in an individual and passionate way. Not only that, but he also had a knack for combining elements of different types of dances and made them look flawless together.

If you gave Jimin enough time, then he would be able to learn any kind of dance, no matter which genre of dance. But for the first time, he had truly looked at Jimin while the elder was dancing.

Yes, Jimin had danced as perfectly as always. His movements were precise and flawless, nothing new. But for once, he truly noticed the pleased and contented expression on his face. He could see and practically feel the love for dancing in Jimin’s eyes. His eyes had followed every single step and motion that the elder had made. Jungkook had practically been enchanted by how fluidly and alluringly Jimin had danced.

It was honestly… sexy.

That discovery had shaken Jungkook to the core. He had not been able to properly look his Hyung in the eye that day, always reminded of his sultry and magical expressions and his seductive body movements.

It confused Jungkook.

But by now, Jungkook had been able to think those incidents through. You see, Jungkook had never truly been able to think of things like dating or finding girlfriends.

Ever since he was young, 13 years old to be exact, the only thing that he could focus on was following his dreams. His only wish had been to find his path in the music industry and to make a name of himself. He had always wanted to live out his passions and to reach out to the stars with all his might. And man, Jungkook only had involved himself in his work.

During the first few years of BTS, he had been so busy and eager to work that relationships had been pushed into the back of his mind. All that he could think about was music, satisfying his fans and the other members. His schedule was always packed with training, touring and recording songs. Even to this day, it was still packed.

But years had passed and Jungkook was basically an adult now. It would have only been a matter of time until he began to think about finding love and being in a relationship with a special person. And it seemed like his time had finally come, but there was one obstacle in the way. It seemed like the person that he was thinking about in a romantic way was not a woman, but rather a member of his very own group, Jimin.

Of course, since Jungkook had never really thought about relationships, he had also never thought about his interests and therefore about his sexuality. He had always just assumed that he was straight, did not think twice about maybe liking boys. But ever since Hoseok had talked to him about his weird behavior towards Jimin, it got him thinking. He had thought about his actions in the past and how Jimin had been a constant influence in his life, how Jungkook had grown up with him.

It was true, Jungkook had always acted differently around Jimin. At first, he was hesitant towards the elder, almost scared of the open affection that Jimin seemed to eagerly give. But over time, he grew confident and was able to reciprocate the gentle gestures and kind words.

And now, Jungkook had finally realized that there was a reason behind his actions. He could distinctly remember the coy nervousness that he had felt around Jimin during their debut days, could remember the way his heart used to flutter whenever the elder man was around. He could remember his hidden blushes and his sweaty hands that he had tried to ignore, could remember the fond appreciation that oozed off of him.

And all of those things did not cease to exist to this day.

Jungkook still felt the same way towards Jimin, with the only difference being that he was ultimately confident and knew how to handle them. He knew how to behave and was able to talk without a stutter and without his hands getting sweaty. Up until now, Jungkook had brushed it off as nothing, mind always busy with different matters. But he was finally addressing his feelings and the fact that yes… he might have a crush on his older Hyung, Jimin.

The first time realization had dawned upon him, he had panicked. Lucky for him, he was in his room at that time and could dwell over his quickly beating heart, could silently think about Jimin’s beauty. In all honesty, the fact that he might be homosexual and like another man did not disturb him too much.

Yes, he liked to follow rules and knew how his parents and Korea generally thought about men liking men and women liking women. But his life as an idol and a lot of experience had made him realize that not all people were like that and that liking the same gender was fine, so he did not take much of a hit during the discovery of his feelings.

Yes, he was a little bit disturbed with himself, but he grew up with the belief that only heterosexuality was acceptable and it would take some time until he could fully accept homosexuality, no matter how much he believed it was normal. It was in his roots and the way he was raised, so he could not do much about it. The issue that bothered him a lot more was the fact that Jimin was practically… a teammate in a sense.

They were coworkers, working in the same group and producing music together. If they were to get into a relationship, things were bound to get complicated.

First of all, even if many people would accept them, it was clear that they would be hated by many people for being in a relationship and he did not know how the company would react to that. They would have to constantly hide, would have to make sure to keep their actions hidden and locked up.

Secondly, it could complicate things among the members if they ever fought or if they broke up.

Third of all, Jungkook did not even know how Jimin felt and if he even liked boys, so he was unsure about confessing his feelings. He could make things awkward between everyone and disturb the flow of the group.

So, Jungkook was still partially confused about how deep his feelings really were and whether or not he should confess. The man was ripped out of his thoughts, standing in the middle of the gigantic, spacious area that he was in. They were here to make the concept photos for their new album, this being their first day of the shooting.

Yoongi had been the first one to be chosen for the solo photoshoot, so all of the others, including Jungkook himself, were left to occupy themselves differently. All of his Hyungs had taken it upon themselves to fool around, to play games that Jungkook was not too fascinated by.

Well, everyone except Jimin.

The smaller man had taken it upon himself to stroll towards Jungkook with an almost terrifyingly mischievous expression.

“Jungkook-ahhhh…” Jimin had dragged out his name, still advancing with a soft giggle that showed off a row of shining teeth. Jungkook was almost too slow to realize how his chest felt warm at the warmth that radiated off of his Hyung. And he nearly choked on his own spit as Jimin moved all up into his space, small hands gripping on his cheeks and softly squeezing them. The touch made Jungkook’s skin burn and feel hot.

"Aigooo, you're so cute, Kookie. But where have your cute cheeks gone, huh? You should eat more because you're so much cuter with your squishy cheeks." Jungkook attempted to relax as much as he could, playing off the way his heartbeat sped up with a comfortable chuckle.

Now that he was distinctly aware of his feelings and the urge to feel Jimin close, he felt like he had to control himself much more. Naturally, though, he still was not the best at suppressing his… urges?

As Jimin pulled away and moved back to create a bit of distance, Jungkook’s body moved on its own accord and spun Jimin around by gripping his waists. Before Jungkook even knew what he was doing, he had engulfed the smaller man in a tight back-hug, satisfying his urge to keep Jimin close.

It was just too hard to resist touching Jimin, too hard to not listen to his feelings. He was just praying that Jimin did not feel the way his heart was beating against his chest, hiding his face in the back of Jimin’s neck and taking in a whiff of his scent.

The elder smelled a bit like cologne, but it was not too strong and gave Jungkook the chance to smell his natural scent. The smell made Jungkook relax for some reason.

Jimin did not smell like strawberries or something cliché-like. He had a musky and homey smell and it was kind of earthy, making Jungkook feel at home. Because of that, he could not bite back his next words.

"Hyung's so small and soft. I could just carry you around like a bag or put you into my pocket." Jungkook’s voice was coated in mischief, trying to cover up the fond undertone.

As much as he felt like he was on cloud nine, he still knew that he should not be too obvious. Jimin hesitated a bit, almost as if he was lost in thought, until he spoke.

“I'm not small and soft! I'm just as manly as you are. A manly man. Let me go, you brat." Jungkook giggled in amusement, finding his words extremely adorable.

Jimin’s cuteness and smallness was one of Jungkook’s favorite things about him, enjoying how he got easily worked up with his teasing. Jungkook guessed that this was his own way of displaying affection.

"That's cute. You should really just accept that you're tiny and adorable." The younger moved to finally release his struggling Hyung, brightly grinning when Jimin turned around and gave him a stony expression.

Even now, Jimin had a prominent pout on his lips and his eyes were round and open, causing Jungkook to nearly coo out loud. He wondered how he never realized how much he had truly felt for Jimin, eager to caress his cheek and taste his lips. But Jungkook was ripped out of his trance when Jimin poked him in the ribs, the touch soft and barely bothering.

“Hey! Stop it! I can be threatening!” Jungkook could not stop himself from bursting into boisterous laughter. The way Jimin looked and acted contradicted his words, way too cute and lovely to appear even remotely intimidating.

He nearly even fell over, gripping onto Jimin to keep himself standing. In his haze of laughter, he noticed Jimin getting ready to speak up, but they were both interrupted by a booming voice.

“Jimin-ah, the director said it’s your turn now.” Yoongi had silently approached them, studying them with a neutral expression. Jungkook was still calming down from his laughter, watching Jimin move away with a pouty expression and his head held high.

He watched as Jimin stroke against Yoongi’s neck, before walking off to the location of the photoshoot. He desperately attempted to ignore the tug at his heard and the envious feeling, telling himself that this was not something unusual that Jimin did.

As soon as Jimin had left, Jungkook was finally aware of the intense stare that Yoongi had on him, raising a questioning eyebrow at the elder. It was easy to talk to Yoongi through actions, much easier than through words.

Yoongi just was someone who often had a hard time finding fitting words, preferring to express himself with touches and facial expressions.

The elder was also scarily attentive.

Jungkook was still confused when Yoongi calmly strolled towards him, putting a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder. There was this powerful and demanding aura that Yoongi carried with himself and Jungkook was a bit intimidated, even though Yoongi appeared rather soft and small.

“You… are whipped,” Yoongi mumbled, patting his shoulder twice before pulling his hand away again. He put both of his hands in the pockets of his jeans, gaze drifting away from Jungkook to watch the other members fool around.

Even if the elder was calm and collected, Jungkook was the opposite and actually choked on air.

“Wait-.” Jungkook gasped, eyes wide and alerted. “How? What? Um, why… Did Hoseok talk to you?” Jungkook hissed out, feeling confused. Apparently Yoongi took his shock with humor, a smile of amusement gracing the elder’s features.

“I’m not blind, Jungkook.” He paused, letting the information sink in for Jungkook. “But yes, Hoseok and I have talked a bit about Jimin and you. But honestly, I’ve known that there’s something going on between you two for quite a while. It’s obvious, at least to me. I don’t really know how Hoseok managed to notice though.”

These things were going a bit too fast for Jungkook and he was kind of scared that the other Hyungs knew about his little mess, too. He was especially scared about Namjoon knowing, because he was aware that the leader liked to act rationally and would definitely think more about the safety of the group rather than subjects like love.

“Listen…” Jungkook gulped. “I… I’m still trying to figure things out with Jimin. I’ve still only been aware about those… feelings for about a week, so cut me some slack, Hyung.” Jungkook desperately whined.

Yes, Jungkook had worked on accepting his feelings and his situation, but he still was not ready to face other people’s opinions. He still was not entirely sure about the depth and intensity about his feelings, so he wanted to figure that out first, before getting judgement from other people.

“And please, don’t tell anyone else about it. Not even any of the members, if they don’t know. I want to figure everything out at first.” He knew that he was talking in a way too general way, but Yoongi seemed to get the meaning behind his words.

“I’m not going to snitch on you, so calm down. But I’d honestly be surprised if the other members don’t suspect anything. I mean, even Hoseok noticed that you liked Jimin by himself. And he’s oblivious.” Yoongi shrugged, posture relaxed. After that, a casual silence erupted between them.

Nobody knew though that Jungkook’s mind was going haywire.

17th of May 2018

01:09 AM.

Jungkook was really trying to mind his own business.

Ever since his short conversation with Yoongi, he had attempted to keep his feelings more to himself. At first, he had even gone as far as trying to avoid Jimin, but that move really traumatized Jungkook because of how conflicted their past had been, so he had promptly stopped doing that.

Now, he was not pointedly trying to go out of his Hyung’s way, but he was not really initiating any conversation or trying to get close.

Yoongi was quite an observant person and if anyone would have noticed that Jungkook felt something for Jimin, then it would be him. He was not really freaked out by that, but the point that made him worry was that Hoseok had also found out even before Jungkook himself knew.

Up until Yoongi had mentioned it, he had not really thought about that and know felt self-conscious about his behavior and actions around Jimin.

Was he staring a bit too long?

Was he moving his hands too gentle?

Was he giving Jimin more attention than the other members?

There were so many questions that spun around his head and so many conflicts. However, at the moment he was standing by one of the tables, which were littered with food, after a long day of photo shoots, his other members hanging around him in the relaxation room that they were in. This was the designated room for artists and generally famous people to lounge around during their breaks, to tank up on energy and to take naps or to just relax.

Of course, they had worked the entire day and never had taken a break in between, so they were all positively exhausted and starving. For some of them, sleep simply won over the urge to eat, so they were lounging around on the couch. The room was generally luxurious with its technological equipment and rows of couches, the high-end décor adding an even more fancy touch.

Even the food on the tables showed a great variation, ranging from simple junk food to meals that Jungkook was not even able to properly pronounce. His plate was still empty, since he had let all of his other Hyungs stuff their plates first, and he was about to decide on what to eat when his gaze drifted away from the mouth-watering delicacies.

He caught sight of Jimin laying down on one of the couches, eyes tiredly shut and appearing exhausted. Although he was sweaty and had heavy bags beneath his eyes, he was still enormously pretty and made Jungkook’s heart beat a bit faster. He mentally punched himself for his probably obvious stare across the room, turning back to the food.

He really, genuinely tried to focus on what to get for himself, but all he could think about was Jimin. From what he remembered, Jimin had not eaten much at all during breakfast, definitely because the elder had expected to eat something during the day. So, his body was practically functioning on the one loaf of bread that he had eaten and a tiny bit of jam.

All that Jungkook could think about was his empty stomach and his exerted body, worried because it seemed like Jimin was going to go to sleep tonight without having eaten anything. He really should not let it get to him so much, sometimes the other members did the same exact thing and Jungkook did not worry about that too much.

But, in his eyes, Jimin was different.

He felt an almost natural and intense urge to care for the elder and to make sure that he was healthy and happy. Dismissing his worries about the way he acted, he let out a deep sigh and began to put a big mountain of rice onto his plate, followed by a long row of chicken wings around it. If he got Jimin something healthy or sweet, the elder would probably not want to eat it.

Jimin only ate healthy stuff when he was conscious enough to realize that the food was good for him and he generally did not like to eat sweets on an empty stomach or before going to bed. And, just in case, he also did not want to go for anything too fancy or new.

After he had gathered enough food and utensils, he hesitantly headed towards the couch that Jimin laid down on, plate heavy in his hands. For some odd reason, he felt his nerves getting strained and could sense that he was nervous about talking to Jimin which was entirely unreasonable.

He never had had a problem when he was planning on talking to Jimin, so why was his heart pounding so fast that he could hear it vividly pumping in his ears?

Furthermore, his knees felt wobbly and it became harder and harder for him to breathe the closer he got to the elder. So, he came to a halt directly in front of Jimin, feeling perplexed with this situation and not moving to do anything.

Was this inappropriate of him to do?

Would this reveal Jungkook’s feelings in some shape or form?

Is he being too obvious again?

There were a bazillion thoughts running through his mind and making him self-conscious all over again. However, when Jimin’s eyes began to flicker open, Jungkook immediately put on his signature bunny smile and gazed down at his Hyung.

Jimin’s gaze fell upon him and when he noticed the way his eyes softened, Jungkook felt his heart skip a beat. Since he was internally starting to panic about his feelings, he resorted to the only way of action that he knew how to handle the best: Teasing Jimin.

Adding a layer of depth and a teasing tilt to his voice, he mumbled out. “Jimin-ssi?”

Almost immediately, Jimin’s sleepy face transformed and a pretty grin appeared on his lips, making Jungkook feel accomplished with himself. There was nothing that Jungkook liked more than seeing Jimin smile.

“Jungkook-ssi?” The elder teased back in an equally unnatural deep voice, staying in his laid down position. Despite the fact that Jungkook would have loved to continue staring at him and to just inspect Jimin being cute, he had a duty to fulfill.

“Hyung, I got us some food. I know you haven’t really eaten anything all day, because you ate much less than us in the morning. And we also did not get to eat anything because of the shoot. It wouldn’t healthy to sleep now on an empty stomach, so…” For some reason, the smile slipped off of Jimin’s lips and Jungkook felt like he was hit by a truck.

Did Jimin think that his attempts to look after the elder had been ridiculous?

He knew that he was nagging at himself way too much, but now that he was aware of his obvious feelings for his Hyung and how openly he tended to show his affection, he was scared of accidentally giving him away.

He felt relief flood his system when a giddy grin suddenly spread on Jimin’s face and the smaller man happily sat up, making space for Jungkook next to him. He took that as his sign to sit down, dismissing his earlier panic. Maybe he was just overthinking.

“I know you don’t really like sweet stuff that much on an empty stomach, so I just brought something that I knew you would love.” He held out the plate of food into Jimin’s direction, waiting for his reaction with a grin.

He knew how much Jimin loved anything that involved chicken or meat. He basically lived for it.

However, his reaction was only minimal, smile not entirely reaching his eyes as he looked back up at Jungkook.

“Ah, thanks, Jungkookie! You’re such a good Dongsaeng.” Jimin’s reaction was extremely unusual and had a different pattern than it usually had. Maybe it was because of how mentally exhausted Jimin probably was, but Jungkook still could not stop himself from worrying.

Seeing Jimin having such an uncharacteristic reaction to food was more than suspicious to him, but he attempted to brush off the voice at the back of his head that told him that something was wrong. He could not stop his body from acting on its own as he saw Jimin reach for one of the forks that he had placed onto the plate, also reaching forward to place his hand on top of Jimin’s.

For some odd reason, he felt the urge to comfort. He could clearly sense that something was off with Jimin, but he did not want to be intrusive and just had to find a way to somehow support him.

What better way was there than to show it through touch?

He felt a warmth hitting his cheeks when Jimin froze at the connection of their hands, gaze shooting up to stare back at Jungkook with wide and perplexed eyes. He hoped that his own expression was not as soft as the touch of his hand, or else his feelings would be a dead giveaway. He felt his lips slightly part in fascination as he stared at Jimin, marveling at the way his bangs framed his face and how his actually tired eyes were wide in wonder.

Everything about the elder was so enticing and pretty that Jungkook felt the need to reach forward to stroke his skin, but he refrained himself from doing that. As soon as he spotted the sheepish hush of redness on Jimin’s cheeks, he awkwardly averted his gaze and pulled his hand away. He felt tense because of how openly he had shown his affection.

“Aish, what did I do to deserve having such a young boy like you treating me like this. You’re truly golden.” When he felt Jimin bump their shoulders together in a teasing manner, he felt slightly more at ease.

Deciding to dwell on his actions later, he dismissed this whirlwind of thoughts in his mind and commented with a challenging glint in his eyes.

“The most golden of the golden. So golden, that I’ll definitely beat our smallest Hyungie in an eating competition. The one who eats the most off of this plate gets bragging rights.”

That night, Jungkook had come home with a full stomach, a victory, bragging rights and with fewer worries about Jimin on his mind.

15th of May 2018

11:13 PM

Jimin had been hiding something.

For the past few weeks.

Jungkook did not know when and how that realization dawned upon him, but the elder had been behaving especially weird lately. It was not only about his behavior towards Jungkook but his behavior in general.

The older man had been slightly avoiding Jungkook and Jungkook did not know if Jimin was even aware of it. The affection and loving gestures had gotten less and less frequent and the bickering between them had begun to cease. It seemed like Jimin had started to put less effort into their friendship, rather busying himself with other things.

Not only that, Jimin had generally begun to hide away much more, spending a majority of his time in his room. It was not like Jungkook did not want him to relax and to enjoy himself, but it was so uncharacteristic of Jimin to behave like that.

The man was constantly all smiles and excitement, never one to become less motivated and lazier. So, there had to be a reason behind his actions.

Jungkook had pondered about it a lot and at first, he had assumed that Jimin had found out about his feelings which led to the elder avoiding him. But he had instantly brushed that thought off. Why was he avoiding everyone else, too, then?

He might have had been going through personal problems that he was too uncomfortable with to share and that frustrated Jungkook. In all honesty, it frustrated Jungkook so much that he had begun to depend on alcohol a bit more, drinking a glass or two whenever he felt too frustrated or miserable. It was his little escape from the worrisome thoughts that went through his head every passing day, instead of confronting the older man about everything.

It was just… he felt so pathetic that Jimin did not trust him enough to open up to him and to talk about his problems, rather keeping everything to himself. No matter how many times Jungkook tried to approach him, Jimin had always brushed him off or had excused himself to spend his time somewhere else.

Most of all, it depressed Jungkook because it had reminded him of their earlier days during debut. It was a time where Jungkook had constantly pushed Jimin away and had beaten himself up with his own problems. The fact that Jimin and he had had a bruised friendship in the past traumatized him to this day, so now that this situation was so similar to their past, he could not help but be hurt and panicky.

There was nothing that he had desired more than to have a trustful bond with Jimin, wanting to be the shoulder that Jimin could lean on. But Jimin had started to push him away, spending so much time on his own that even the other members began to get worried.

They all had had a few conversations about Jimin during early mornings or late nights, expressing their worries and talking about everything. They had all agreed that Jimin might have just needed space and some relaxation time, even as Jungkook had protested against that. He had this nagging feeling that it was something more than just a lazy few weeks for Jimin, knowing that there was always a reason behind Jimin’s actions.

There was always a purpose for everything for Jimin, even when it came to the smallest things.

That was how he had found himself pressing a smaller body against their front door, mind intoxicated and woozy with the alcoholic liquids that had mixed with his blood.

The members and he had gone out to celebrate their upcoming comeback, Hoseok and Jimin being the only ones to stay back at home. It was not Jungkook’s intention to end up like this, his lips messily clashing together with the softer ones of this unknown woman, attempting to ignore the shivers of uncomfortableness when her hands explored his body.

He did his best to imagine that it was Jimin instead of this stranger, mind reeling with all of his frustrations and worries and desires.

There was the artificial taste of cherries on his tongue and the negatively burning remnants of a touch on his skin, making him disgusted with himself for even going through with this. Today, his Hyungs had let him let loose a little bit more than usual, not stopping him from downing drink after drink and leaving the club with a woman clinging to his body.

He partially could not understand how they even tolerated him doing this and was a bit disappointed in them. However, maybe they had their reasons. At least, Jungkook thought so when he saw the pitying stare that Hoseok was giving him as he spent his evening sitting on a couch, with this girl pressed onto his lap and attempting to rile him up.

As much as he tried to enjoy her touches and her dirty hush of pleasurable promises, there was no chance for him to even get remotely turned on. No matter what she tried, he felt indifferent about her. That feeling lasted until he had begun to let his imagination wander and go wild, imagining what it would be like to have Jimin sitting in his lap and trying to seduce him.

That fueled a fire in the pit of his stomach, his mind reeling with images of Jimin pinned to his bed and the thoughts of him cherishing Jimin’s body all night long made him frustrated. He knew that he should not think like this, the fact that he had feelings for the elder already crossing a line. But he could not stop himself from wanting and needing Jimin, his drunk mind letting himself let loose and that was how he had ended up with this girl who he did not even know the name of.

It was only a minor detail to him and he did not really care about that factor. Desperate hands explored his built body as he unlocked the door to their dorms, praying to god that Hoseok and Jimin had already gone to sleep. It was relatively unlikely, but he could still pray.

The girl, who he had brought along, seemed to be a bit too eager, shutting the door behind them and basically clinging onto Jungkook. Her lips were on his in a matter of seconds, hanging onto them as if that was everything that she had ever wanted. So, he went along with it and simply let his imagination wander again, slowly leading her through the hallways as they exchanged kisses.

As soon as they had reached the living room, he took it upon himself to disconnect her lips from his, partially because he did not feel entirely comfortable with this kind of contact. His eyes imploringly inspected the living room, his heart halting in his chest and a lump forming in his throat at what he saw.

There was a movie playing on their TV, which Jungkook did not care about, and Hoseok and Jimin were both seated on the couch, their eyes shut with Hoseok’s head leaning against Jimin’s shoulder. The sight did not induce any jealousy, but it rather gave Jungkook the urge to experience this kind of situation with Jimin himself.

He wanted to fall asleep next to Jimin while having a hilarious movie night filled with bright smiles and soft giggles.

He wanted to snuggle close to Jimin and to feel the touch of skin between them, almost desperate to have the elder close.

All in all, he generally envied Hoseok for being in this position.

He would reverse their roles any day if he was able to.

Jimin looked so ethereal, lips softly parted as quiet breaths left him in his calm sleep. The kind of serenity, that Jimin’s expression was veiled in, was the kind of expression that he wanted to wake up to.

All he desired was to kiss his parted lips, wanting to be the first thing that Jimin saw in the morning and the first person that he would touch. But now that he was in this situation, he had to follow through with it. Despite the hollow feeling in his chest, he silently turned to the girl and whispered.

“Be quiet… Don’t want my Hyungs to wake up.” The girl raised a teasing eyebrow, probably meant to work Jungkook up but it did not affect him at all.

“Then take me to your room and make me stay quiet.” He almost wanted to cringe at her words, but he took the hint and smashed their lips together into an emotionless, way-too-rough kiss that she was apparently satisfied with.

He moved them into the hallway to the bedrooms, walking to the end of it and quietly opening his door. That must have been the last boundary for the girl, grabbing Jungkook by his collar and hastily pulling him inside of the room.

Jungkook was honestly a little bit taken aback by the move, especially when she shut the door, again, and had pressed him against it. He let the girl explore the skin of his neck, slightly uncomfortable by how harshly she was sucking and nipping.

“Please, try to leave hickeys in a place where no one can see.” He calmly spoke, awkwardly scrunching up his nose when she giggled against his skin.

He really tried to enjoy what was happening, even slipping his hands beneath her shirt to caress her waists. But they just felt too small in his hands, too fragile for him. Her body simply did not appeal to him, the curves of her body too feminine. Jimin was also small, his waists also slender but much more built and wider.

He had noticed that they were something he actually could hold onto, for example whenever Jimin sat in his lap and he had his arms around the elder.

The woman began to work on the buttons of his shirt, his stance never ceasing to be tense and overwhelmed. She pushed herself completely into his space, a smirk tugging up the ends of her lips as she made her way past every button. Then, she looked up and her smirk quickly dissipated, a disappointed sigh leaving her lips. Jungkook tried not to take her reaction personally.

“Listen, why did you bring me here, when you’re not even in the mood?” Her voice was laced in annoyance and it appeared like she was attempting to stay collected. Her hands luckily dropped from Jungkook’s shirt, so that the man could finally let out a breath of relief. He already felt a lot more at ease now that her hands were off of him.

“I… I’m in the mood, don’t worry.” He obviously lied, trying to give the woman a charming grin and clutching her waists, but not pulling her closer.

“I smell bullshit.” She deadpanned, leaving Jungkook shocked at her statement. “I really don’t know what’s wrong, but you shouldn’t bring a girl home with you when you’re not interested in doing stuff…”

Jungkook quickly nodded his head at her, his smile faltering and an empty feeling setting in his chest. So… he was actually at the point, where he could not get turned on by any other person than Jimin.

And now that Jimin was kind of avoiding him and keeping more to himself, Jungkook had this problem. More than ever, the probability of Jimin liking he back was low, so he felt panicked when he thought about how deep his feelings really were.

To his surprise, a soft and worried expression set on the woman’s face, a little smile setting on her lips.

“I don’t know what you’re going through, but it has to be something pretty rough to put you into this kind of state. I actually pity you.” She patted his shoulder in a comforting way and the touch did not make him as uncomfortable as before. At least her behavior was more friendly than flirty right now and her touch was platonic.

“I’m sorry for bringing you here.” He genuinely felt sorry. This woman probably wanted to have a good time, but Jungkook was too depressed about his situation to be a proper one-nightstand. He was even too unsatisfying for this.

“You don’t have to feel sorry. I already got a hunch about what got you so fucked up. Don’t try to be so hard on yourself.” The girl gave him another pitiful smile, before sliding her hand into the pocket of her jeans.

Jungkook studied her with a confused frown as she handed him a piece of folded paper, the man hesitantly taking it.

“I usually keep a piece of paper with my number on it in my pocket, just in case I find someone who I actually want to see again. But don’t freak out, I’d just maybe like to go and grab a cup of coffee one day if you want to. As friends.” Jungkook hesitated at first, unsure if things would be awkward between them in the future.

As much as he was uncomfortable with dating her, she was not shallow and did not only listen to her own needs. She made sure that others were comfortable around her and that was a characteristic that was special these days. So, having her as his friend could prove to be an advantage. He let a nice smile slip onto his lips and nodded his head, before slipping the note into his pocket.

“Well, I’ll leave you alone then. You look like you need some time for yourself, so I don’t want to bother you. And by the way…” Another teasing grin spread on her lips. “For the record, I’m Suzy.”

The girl walked past him and out of the room, a confident aura, which would usually attract guys, surrounding her. But it did not affect Jungkook, only making him chuckle at her attitude.

He did not expect to make a friend in the midst of trying to deal with his heavy and conflicted feelings.

The rest of the night was spent with Jungkook being lost in his thoughts and playing random games on his phone. Maybe, he had also watched a couple of videos with tips about how to deal with his feelings, but no one had to know about that.

If only he had known what Jimin was going through at this same exact time.

16th of May 2018

11:27 AM

The following morning, Jungkook had managed to get up really late. He had spent the previous night going through social media or playing random games.

Not only that, but he had also been thinking about his feelings much more thoroughly. Losing himself in his emotions had proven to be a big mistake on his part and he had decided that he should face his fears and embrace what he was feeling. Despite the fact that he knew that his feelings were strong and scary, he still did not manage to put a label onto them and actually preferred to take it slow with himself.

Jumping to a conclusion about how strong his feelings really were would be too much of a bother and could probably confuse him. So, he had decided that from this day on, he would start to pursue Jimin more and to rebuild their slightly awkward friendship.

Ever since Jimin had started to shut himself off, for some odd reason, things had developed and become more awkward, so he just had to look past his fears and show the elder that he wanted his affection and attention. If there was anyone who could do something against this, then it was he himself.

He could not constantly rely on Jimin to keep their friendship stable and healthy, now realizing that more than ever. A trusting, healthy friendship was also the basis for a good relationship, so he felt motivated to just suck it up and act on his urges.

This morning, he had sleepily stepped into the living room, his hair a mess from turning around a lot during his sleep. He was stretching his limbs to entirely wake his body up, not really noticing that his white shirt was slightly riding up.

During their time out clubbing last night, he had managed to bump into someone and had gotten away with a slight bruise to his navel. So, if someone saw that, then questions would surely come up.

After letting his arms fall back down to his sides, he unsealed his eyes completely and caught sight of Jimin sitting on the couch. Almost immediately, he felt himself grin with glee when he caught Jimin staring back at him with obviously wide eyes, making Jungkook’s heart flutter and beat against his ribcage.

This was the first time in a while where he had let himself show a genuine reaction towards his Jimin, not hesitating to hide the fondness in his eyes or the happiness in his smile. But then, his gaze dropped lower to see Namjoon sitting below Jimin, the leader’s arms wrapped around his Hyung’s ways and comfortably cuddling him as he watched the news.

The way Namjoon’s chin was casually placed on top of Jimin’s shoulder as if it was the most mundane thing in the world, made Jungkook want to push the elder off of the couch. He also felt this feeling of jealousy blooming in his chest and he desperately tried to push it away. After all, skin-ship was totally normal among their group, even if Namjoon was someone who usually tended not to give out back-hugs and cuddles.

That fact made him press his lips tightly together, trying to calm his suddenly reeling mind by pushing his tongue against his inner cheek. He could not bear how Jimin was still staring at him, deciding to take action and to get rid of this heavy silence.

“Good morning, Hyungs! What’re you watching?” As much as he was jealous of Namjoon, he focused on how beautiful Jimin actually was, even without any make-up covering up his face.

The leader’s attention was caught by his enthusiastic voice, a dimply smile spreading on his lips as he looked at Jungkook.

“Morning, Kook! You look a little rough. Had a tough night?” Jungkook tried to focus on the question and not how Jimin averted his gaze, further snuggling into the leader. Jungkook would do anything to be in this position with Jimin.

“Not really. I’ve just been on my phone for so long, so I went to bed a little late. I seriously should try being less addicted to it.” Without even thinking, he also added, after spotting Jimin’s apparent disinterest, in a hushed breath. “Namjoon-Hyung? Can you make me some breakfast? I’m really beat and just need a little more rest.”

He was praying to god that no one would notice how suspicious he was behaving. It was simply too hard for him to look at Namjoon snuggling Jimin in such close proximity when he himself could be the one doing that.

It was also common knowledge among the group that he was particular with his tastes and interests in foods, wanting them prepared and seasoned in a certain way. He stressed the importance of preparation so much all the time, that he now kind of regretted it because, if he was unlucky, then someone would find him oddly suspicious. To his luck, Namjoon’s smile only widened.

“But only because you really look tired. You owe me one, Kook.” To his relief, Namjoon was gently pushing Jimin off of him, even going as far as disregarding Jimin’s little whines of protest.

Jungkook honestly found them adorable, especially the prominent pout on his puffy lips. As if Namjoon had understood that something was off about this situation, he promptly headed to the kitchen without any further talk.

Because of that, Jungkook was ultimately able to relax himself, a fond smile on his lips as he watched Jimin sitting on the couch with a blank stare directed at the news that had been playing on the TV. All he wanted was to just hug Jimin close and to spend hours with him, just talking and sitting with him. So, he acted upon his wishes and stepped to the couch, halting next to the elder, but still giving him enough of a view to the television. With a cheeky grin, he teased.

“Jimin-ssi?” As if bitten by a spider, Jimin’s gaze shot into Jungkook’s direction, but the younger did not expect the coldness and emptiness that he was met with.

His Hyung looked so… fragile.

But not in a good way.

He looked almost drained, void of many emotions and dark bags beneath his eyes. His smile faded the more he inspected the elder, worry filling him to the brim.

Something had to be wrong.

He just got this punching feeling in his gut that something was extremely wrong and judging by Jimin’s appearance and his odd behavior, he did not doubt his feeling that much.

“Um…” Jungkook stumbled over his words, avoiding eye contact. “Can I maybe sit down? You can sit on my lap if you want to.” He had tried to find a quick question that would not make things awkward between them, but now that he had realized his words he knew that it was a pathetic attempt.

To his surprise, his Hyung got up with a confused frown, causing Jungkook to promptly sit down. He had a hard time looking at Jimin’s face because whenever he saw the closeness of his features, he was close to falling into a deep trance of admiration and he actually could not risk that happening. He wanted to show Jimin his affection, but staring at him with a love-sick expression would be plain weird.

He sent the elder a teasing grin, attempting to disregard how his face stayed serious.

To his relief, Jimin spun around and hesitantly sat down onto Jungkook’s lap, making his heart beat a whole lot faster. Just the thought of his smaller Hyung on his lap made his feelings shoot through the roof, so now that he finally had him here, all that he could do was to enjoy it.

He could not remove the blissful grin on his lips, slightly confused by how much distance Jimin was keeping. The elder was sitting more on the far end of Jungkook’s legs, towards his knees.

So, he did not stop himself from reach out and securely grabbing Jimin by his waists, catching his silent gasp as he pulled Jimin against his sturdy chest. He was praying that Jimin would not feel his pounding hard, smiling in satisfaction when Jimin gripped onto his hands in tension.

Then, he fully wrapped his arms around Jimin’s lower abdomen, feeling the way Jimin’s tummy moved with every breath that he took.

The elder even squeaked when Jungkook nosed against the back of his neck, inhaling his natural, slightly woody scent. He was a bit disappointed when Jimin removed his hands from Jungkook, but the younger instead focused on the touch of his nose pressed against Jimin’s skin. It took everything in his mind not to start kissing his skin, wanting to find out what he tasted and felt like.

To partially satisfy his knees, he removed his hands from Jimin’s tummy and managed to catch both of his smaller hands, intertwining them and resting them on Jimin’s actually small thighs. All in all, Jimin was pretty small, much smaller than usual and Jungkook was shocked that he had only noticed now.

He ignored the nagging feeling in the back of his mind and focused on the fluttering of his heart, soothingly gliding his fingers against Jimin’s.

“So fluffy.” He gently whispered out, feeling the urge to calm his Hyung down when he nervously shifted around in his lap. His behavior, once again, was extremely out of the ordinary and worrying Jungkook.

“You’re so tense, Hyungie. Is everything alright?“ He attempted to keep his voice low and gentle, knowing that that typically worked on him the best. From time to time, Jimin simply needed someone who guided him through his emotions and worries.

“Of course.” So, Jungkook was shocked and confused by the straight-forward, immediate answer. Both of them knew that something was wrong and Jungkook would have expected Jimin to talk about it now, so the fact that he continued to close himself off made the alarm in Jungkook’s head ring.

Jimin actually managed to relax into their embrace and, even though Jungkook was worried to death, he knew that Jimin was stubborn and that he would only talk about whatever was wrong on his own accord. Forcing it out of him without a good reason would make everything even messier than it already was. So, he did the only thing that he actually could do. He decided to show his affection, limitless and shameless.

“Ah, you’re so tiny and small, Hyung. I could cuddle you for hours and hours.“ He commented in a cute voice, moving his head to rest his chin onto Jimin’s shoulder as Namjoon had done before. For some reason, Jimin flinched away from the contact, moving to the side and rapidly moving his head to look at Jungkook as he still sat in his lap.

This time, Jungkook was unable to worry.

The elder was in such close proximity that Jungkook could feel their breaths mingling together. He could count the loose hair that messily fell against Jimin’s forehead and could spot the details of his lips. The intimacy made him unconsciously smile, probably like a whipped fool but he could care less.

This was something that Jungkook had been secretly wanting for years, Jimin this close to him with their fingers entwined in a comfortable silence. He could just move forward and steal a kiss, feeling himself drift off at the imagination of that.

There was still the shock and wonder in Jimin’s expressions, but Jungkook’s body felt so warm and tingly all over that his eyes were flickering shut and that he was gradually moving forward. He was desperate to close the space between them and to make Jimin experience the same feelings that he was feeling.

But all at once, Jimin forcefully turned his head and coughed into his hand, practically jumping off of Jungkook’s lap and ripping him out of his daze.

“I-I’m, uh, gonna make myself some breakfast. I still haven’t had any, so… yeah.” Before Jungkook even knew it, Jimin had sped off to the hallways and had presumably entered his own bedroom, judging by the sound of a door slamming shut.

As much as he was disappointed and perplexed, one tiny detail did not escape him.

The thing with Jimin not having eaten anything.

He knew that it should not concern him so much. Jimin was an adult after all and he knew how to handle himself without Jungkook interfering. But… Jimin had had problems with this topic since back during their debut days.

The elder had always focused on attempting to get better, to become the perfect version of himself with no flaws that he forgot to treat his body right. He forgot to eat, forgot to sleep and forgot how to live healthily.

Jungkook was sure that something was extremely off, but the only factor that confused him was how unmotivated Jimin had become.

Why would he skip a meal just to lay around?

If he ever skipped meals, then it was because he was too busy and concentrated. It threw Jungkook off and for some reason, it worried him more than what had happened years ago.

He needed to figure out what was wrong.

16th of May 2018

06:49 PM

“How about we stick to the old theme then? The Love Yourself topic is a huge and important topic to every single person and it is fairly easy to compose songs about it. I mean, it would be the fourth album, but we could integrate another part that fits both the story and the flow.” Jin pointed out with a thoughtful expression, continuously tapping a pen against his cheek.

There was a glint in his eyes that screamed professionalism and passion as if he had to impress someone significant.

Jungkook, Taehyung, and Seokjin were all gathered in one of their 3 studios, sitting down in the back of the room on the opposite side of the recording setup and musical equipment. The walls of the room were kept in a rather dark grey and mysterious color scheme, meant to bring inspiration and quality of thoughtfulness to the artists that occupied it.

The couch that Jungkook and Seokjin were sitting on, pushed against a lengthy table, which had snacks, used paper and more random objects littered across it, was fluffy and comfortably cushioned. It was the only object that contrasted to the color scheme of the room, a light grey color.

Taehyung was located on the armchair on the right side of the couch, elbow propping up his arm on the armrest of the chair and calmly leaning against it. The red-haired man was sitting cross-legged with a notebook in his lap, posture so relaxed that it would seem like he was about to fall asleep if it was not for the fact that his stare was laser-focused on Jin.

The eldest was leaning back against the cushioning of the couch, arms crossed over his chest as if to show off his wide shoulders. They were both so involved in their conversation that Jungkook just sat there with a thoughtful expression, his mind almost completely in a different world.

All that he could think about was Jimin, worrying about why he was not here with them. He was worried about whether or not Jimin was eating enough and if he was overworking himself again, wanting to search for him to make sure that he was fine.

“Don’t get me wrong, Hyung, but we can’t just keep on working on the same message and topic for such a long time. It certainly is a topic that has a lot of depth and a lot of aspects that we could work on, but it just gets too repetitive and boring with the time. I mean, personally it is my favorite topic so far, but we have to try out new things and to bring up other important topics. Or we should at least find something that is slightly different from the Love yourself message.” Taehyung animatedly explained, gesturing with one of his hands to make sure that the attention was on him.

“I think you’re right. But that’s one of the hardest parts. We can’t just find an entirely new topic and touch up on it because that would throw everyone off. And finding a topic that stands in correlation to our current one with differences between them is also really complicated.” Jin explained in frustration, cranking his neck to the side as if he was trying to loosen muscle tension.

There was a short, thoughtful silence that erupted in the room, before Taehyung spoke up, voice slightly irritated.

“I’m sorry that I’m taking the attention off of the matter at hand, but I can’t really focus with Jungkook looking like he just watched someone dying.” That snapped Jungkook out of his trance, eyes focusing on Taehyung as if he had been caught in a dirty act.

Had it really been that obvious?

Jungkook had assumed that they were too focused on talking about a new theme for their upcoming comebacks that he had just zoned out and concentrated on his own worries. He had never thought that his mental absence was actually disturbing Taehyung. There was a sour taste on the tip of his tongue as a result for feeling bad about bothering his Hyung.

“Sorry. I’m going to concentrate.” Jungkook stated with a mild smile, sitting up in his seat a bit more properly. At this point, Jin also had brought his attention to the youngest, making him feel a bit uncomfortable under the pressure of their stares.

“It’s fine, Kookie.” Taehyung softly paused. “I think taking a little break to talk about everything that’s going on in that head of yours would be a good idea.” At the proposal, Jungkook’s eyes comically widened and he promptly shook his head, repeatedly waving his hands in front of him in dismissal.

He did not want to worry the other members, in case he was imagining things and making it seem like something bad was going on with Jimin.

What if Jimin actually was completely fine and just going through a phase?

He did not want to unnecessarily worry anyone without completely knowing that something was going on. But it seemed like his Hyungs were adamant about this conversation, Jin bringing in his one five cents and speaking up.

“I think Taehyung’s right. You’ve been behaving oddly all day and I’ve been worried about you for the majority of it. So, I think you should get everything off of your chest.” Jungkook mentally cursed himself for being obvious.

There was no way for him to escape this situation, knowing how stubborn his Hyungs could get, especially Jin and Taehyung. With a suppressed sigh, he exclaimed.

“I will tell you about everything, but you need to promise me not to freak out or do something stupid. I don’t want anything unnecessary to happen.” That genuinely caught their attention, both of them fully turning to him.

Like that, Jungkook felt a bit more pressured and hoped that no one would notice the awkward blush on his cheeks.

“Did you finally realize your feelings for Jimin?” Jin excitedly questioned, eyes mischievous and intriguing.

The question made Jungkook choke on his spit, seriously confused with this situation.

“That-.” He interrupted himself by the blush deepening on his cheeks, watching the others coo over how red he had become. “T-that’s not the point. I mean, yes… I like Jimin, but-.”

A scandalized gasp filled the room and took Jungkook off guard.

“Did my ears just deceive me or did I hear everything correctly? Jungkook just confessed to liking Jimin?” Taehyung sounded gob-smacked and as if he had found out the meaning of life, so Jungkook pulled a grimace. He genuinely wanted to leave the room without looking back.

Had he really been this obvious all this time?

All of the members were aware of his crush on Jimin, even before he himself knew about it?

This entire ordeal was a huge embarrassment to Jungkook.

“Stop it, Tae. You’re making him shy. The fact that he finally realized it is really beneficial though. Namjoon owes me 10.000 won now. But, we should hear what Jungkook has to say.” That made Jungkook’s head snap into Jin’s direction, an incredulous expression on his face.

“You made a bet on whether or not I would realize my feelings, Hyung?” Jin sneakily giggled, pushing his index finger against his plush lips to tell him to dismiss the topic.

Even Taehyung boisterously laughed in his armchair, probably living for this moment. However, Jungkook decided to concentrate on what was more important.

“In all seriousness. I think something could be wrong with Jimin…” That quickly shut them up, smiles falling and faces becoming unreadable. “… I’m not even sure about this entire situation, so I refrained from talking to anyone about it. But… Jimin has just been acting so weird. I don’t know if I’m just imagining things or not, but I got a really bad feeling and based on the way he’s behaving… I’m getting seriously worried.”

He paused, trying to collect his thoughts.

“I’ve noticed that Jimin has been really shutting himself off. He has been trying to push me away and hasn’t been giving me as much affection as before which is odd. At first, I thought it was because I was too obvious with my feelings and that he thought about me badly, but then I realized that it had to be something else. This morning, I tried to initiate some contact again and Jimin has been all tensed up and as if he was going to leave the room at any moment. After-.”

Jungkook broke off as he remembered the situation on the couch, with them being pressed so close together and with Jimin’s breath hot on his lips.

“After some time, Jimin actually left the room, as if he had been bitten by a snake or something. But that’s not the biggest thing that’s worrying me.” By now, he was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, chin resting in his hands as his gaze was directed to the floor.

If he had looked up, then he would see Taehyung and he did not know if he would be able to continue talking like that.

“He’s been acting weirdly about eating… It could all just be my imagination, but he’s been reacting differently whenever I bring him food. And just today he… he’s skipped breakfast. I know that I shouldn’t be so worried, but I can’t help myself. I’m so worried that he’ll go back to his old habits or that something even worse will happen. I-I mean-.” Jungkook’s voice cracked and finally, he realized how truly worried he was.

He did not want those little signs that he had picked up to be true and was hoping that it was just his mind playing tricks on him. He felt a few tears building up in his eyes as he continued.

“H-He’s really been shutting himself in a lot and sometimes, he doesn’t even really smile. I’ve noticed because I love to see him smile and now that he’s not doing it anymore, I just c-can’t-. I can’t stop myself from worrying. I-.” He uselessly tried to wipe away a tear that rolled down his cheek, shocked when another one immediately followed.

“Kookie…” Jin’s soft voice sounded through the air. Then, he felt gentle arms pulling him up from his slumped position to be pulled into a gentle embrace. A little, pitiful whimper left his lips as he cried into Jin’s shoulder, feeling pathetic that he was worrying so much.

But that bad feeling in his gut just would not go away and it was overwhelming him all of a sudden. As Jin’s hands soothingly rubbed his back, he felt the couch on the other side next to him dip and felt Taehyung’s soft hand moving to caress the back of his neck. The touch was firm but extremely affectionate and it made Jungkook feel a bit better.

After another moment of comfort and stress-relief, Jungkook embarrassedly pulled away from Jin’s embrace, cheeks flushed red. He was not used to showing so much honesty and his feelings, so it was natural for him to react like that.

“I’ve been noticing things, too.” Taehyung carefully whispered into the emotional air, all of them now sitting on the couch with Jungkook in between his Hyungs.

They had all leaned back again, Taehyung’s hand nervously fiddling with Jungkook’s fingers. It was a force of habit. Taehyung was a naturally touchy person, so whenever he was overwhelmed with emotions, he could not stop himself from being overly touchy. It was his way of releasing some of his stress.

“Me too…” Jin melancholically admitted, a soft sigh following. Without further ado, Taehyung continued.

“He’s my best friend, so it’s natural for me to notice when something is going on. It’s not like he’s been trying to avoid me or anything, but he has been putting less effort into giving me affection and showing that he cares about our friendship. At first, I was worried that I had done something wrong or that he was not interested in being friends anymore. But then I realized that his entire personality had suddenly changed and that can’t be normal. When I noticed that his eating habits had… gotten unusual and worrisome, I knew, too, that something is going on. I’ve just been unsure about bringing it up because I did not want to maybe bring something up that could have possibly just caught my eye because I’m imagining things…”

Taehyung’s hands froze as if he was overwhelmed.

“… I feel like such a bad friend.”

Jungkook could not stop himself from comfortingly stroking Taehyung’s hands with his own, wanting to comfort his Hyung. Taehyung looked like he was about to cry, lips shaky and eyes glassy. It was such a devastating sight to see. The one person that could show so much joy and happiness through a boxy smile now looked broken and depressed, so Jungkook’s urge to comfort was huge.

“We shouldn’t get carried away.” Of course, Jin was the voice of reason, catching their attention. “We should not accept our assumptions as reality. It could be that we’re just imaging things or that Jimin is going through something that does not need any worrying. Before we make assumptions, we should confirm that our suspicions are true. Or else, we could be unnecessarily making ourselves worry.”

Despite how firm and sure Jin’s words sounded, there was a slight waver to his voice that anyone could notice.

Maybe Jin was just trying to make them feel better for now.

Maybe Jin was right and nothing severely wrong was going on with Jimin.

But before they could react to anything, they had to make sure that something was wrong. So, after a long moment of silence and comfort, they began to work a bit more on the theme for another album, this time a lot more distracted.

16th of May 2018

11:01 PM

All that Jungkook could focus on was Jimin.

After their encounter on the couch that morning, they had been ordered by Namjoon to try to work on new songs for a bit in the studio. After all, the main writers in their group were Namjoon and Yoongi, so it would not be too bad for the others to gradually develop their own writing skills. It would be a long way up to the achievement of being a good writer, but that was not the point.

The other members and he, with the exception of Jimin, to Jungkook’s distaste, had went out after a long day of working at the studio to get food. Hoseok and Taehyung had attempted to drag Jimin along to one of the restaurants, which they were basically regulars at, but it was fruitless.

Their smallest Hyung had insisted that he wanted to continue working on some lyrics and that he would grab food from one of the laundromats in the studio, but one significant factor did not leave Jungkook’s mind.

Usually, Jimin never brought along any money whenever they worked in the studio. It was not even because it would be unnecessary, but it was just a habit of Jimin.

Oftentimes, they had plans to go out to eat or to grab snacks somewhere, with Jimin being the only person that would always forget his money at the dorms. None of them were annoyed by the fact that they had to pay for Jimin, but knowing how forgetful Jimin was, when it came to his money, made him jittery. So jittery that he was unable to properly focus during their late-night meal at the familiar restaurant, his mind constantly with Jimin and the fact that he was definitely not eating anything.

In addition to that, the elder had not had any breakfast or lunch, so saying that Jungkook was overflowing with worries was an understatement.

Because of that, he had barely managed to eat his food and had proposed to his Hyungs that he would grab food to bring to Jimin and that he would eat with him.

Naturally, all of the other members instantly agreed and they appeared almost relieved because of his proposal. As soon as the others had finished their foods and they had split the bill, they parted ways with Jungkook and decided that going back home for tonight would be the best.

Of course, Jungkook had promptly made his way back to the studios, actually running the entire way without feeling himself become tired. The memories of his way to the room that Jimin was in were blurry, only genuinely arriving in the present as he entered the room.

There was a medium-sized, black couch in the middle of the room with a small table placed in front of it. To give the room a much more luxurious and domestic flair, decorations helped and pictures were hung on the walls of the color scheme of blacks, whites and baby-blues. The room was similar to a pastel palace and Jungkook completely appreciated the theme.

However, the only thing that he could concentrate on was the mop of hair in the middle of the couch. Since Jungkook was able to singularly see the back of the couch, he could only spot the back of Jimin’s hair.

His Hyung’s head was laxly tilted back, indicating that he was most surely asleep. However, it was easily noticeable that Jimin was laying down sideways, giving Jungkook the urge to inspect his Jimin Hyung.

So, with the plastic bag of food in his hand, he rounded the couch and made sure to place the food down onto the table in front of them, before carefully taking a seat next to Jimin.

The elder was actually laying down sideways, lips open as soft breaths and tiny snores escaped his lips. The way his eyes stayed peacefully shut made Jungkook release a held breath of relief, studying the unique features and the plumpness of his Hyung’s lips. He looked so ethereal in his sleep, similar to his expression while he danced and lived out his passions.

Jimin was… truly his own kind of person.

As much as worry had consumed his body earlier, he allowed himself to take his time to admire and relinquish in the beauty of Jimin. As much as he looked perfect from a distance, there were faint, covered up pimples that he was now able to spot and slight blemishes on his face. But despite his imperfections, he still carried this beautiful aura with himself that had managed to pull Jungkook in.

Now that he could freely look at the elder like this, he wondered how he had never genuinely realized how much his heart would beat whenever he was around his smaller Hyung. Now that he knew, it was totally obvious to himself and he was cursing at his past self for overlooking the unique person that Jimin was.

Not managing to hold himself back, he hesitantly moved his hand up to gently push some of the hair, which had fallen low on Jimin’s forehead and was partially covering up his shut eyes, off of his face. Some of the hair fell back into its original place, but he had apparently been able to push most of it out of the way, showing off Jimin’s forehead.

He realized how much closer he had slid to Jimin, unconsciously finding comfort and belonging in the closeness. Then, without holding back, he let his fingertips dance across the skin of Jimin’s supple cheek. The touch felt tender and barely even there because he was scared that it would wake the elder up.

As Jimin did not budge, he increasingly relaxed and let his hand linger for a moment, before moving it down to his neck to simply hold him there.

He would have probably leaned in closer and done something extremely stupid soon if it was not for Jimin furrowing his brows and moving in his sleep. For some reason, Jungkook could not bring himself to remove his hand, comfortingly and gently rubbing into his skin as Jimin’s eyes gradually unsealed.

As Jimin’s gaze landed on Jungkook, it was clouded in confusion and uncertainty. But then, he lifted his head in shock, not pushing Jungkook off of him as his eyes immensely widened. He could not stop himself from fondly chuckling at the reaction, moving his hand to the back of Jimin’s neck and pulling the elder into his chest.

It had been a natural instinct for him to do that, only realizing what he had done after he had already pulled him close. He expected Jimin to react weirdly or to avoid the younger, just like he had done during the last few weeks. He expected Jimin to flee the room and to just behave awkwardly.

He was relieved and his heart began to hammer in his chest as Jimin willingly relaxed into the hug, a long breath leaving him. Jungkook began to glide a brave, gentle hand up and down his back, enjoying the fact that he was able to freely touch the other for now.

But then, Jimin awkwardly cleared his throat, probably attempting to unsuspiciously remove himself from the embrace and Jungkook suppressed the urge to sigh in disappointment. To his distaste, Jimin quickly slipped out of the hug and put some distance between them, his gaze filled with a strange emotion.

It baffled Jungkook, knowing that his eyes had perplexedly widened and that he must have looked shocked. But he tried to brush off another failed attempt of trying to get close to Jimin, replacing his slightly hurt self with a blinding grin. He really wanted to know why Jimin was acting like this and why he was avoiding Jungkook so blatantly.

But he had to accept what his Hyung wanted and he had to take thing slowly, especially with the things that he was suspecting.

To at least get some sort of contact, he mindlessly placed his hand onto Jimin’s thigh, ignoring the way his Hyung awkwardly shuffled around.

“I brought some food with me. I just had a feeling you would overwork yourself, once again, and that you needed it.” He carefully brought up, motioning into the direction of the table in front of them with a head tilt. He felt the urge to feed Jimin and to make sure that he had eaten enough, encouragement filling his veins.

“Aish, Kookie.” Jimin softly spoke, an appreciative smile lacing his features. There was something off about the way the end of his lips tilted up as if it was staged and void of excitement.

Usually, Jimin would basically kiss Jungkook for bringing food to Jimin, always a man for food and delicious snacks. But now, he was just awkwardly stretching his limbs, trying to avoid Jungkook’s stare.

“You’re too good to me. But I’ve already had something an hour ago from the laundromat, so you can have this or bring it home. But I’m really thankful.”

It felt like Jungkook had been hit by a truck.

At once, he instantly felt his grin fade away and could feel that nagging feeling in his heart come back. He could feel question after question come up in his mind and felt scared by how big the probability of Jimin lying to him seemed. Jimin must have noticed his change of mood because the elder appeared a lot more cautious, even a bit confused. Jungkook tightly pressed his lips together, before continuing to speak.

“No, you didn’t.”

Almost immediately, Jimin froze up in his seat and his blank stare was completely directed at Jungkook, a strange emotion that was similar to fear in his eyes. The reaction gave Jungkook even more distress and without properly thinking about it, he spoke up again.

“Hyung.” A pause. “I know you haven’t eaten anything for lunch.” He made sure to perfectly articulate himself, voice calm even though he felt jittery on the inside.

“I also know you haven’t had any breakfast.” Seeing how tense and on the edge Jimin was made him squeeze the elder’s thigh. However, he did not expect Jimin to practically jump in his seat and to push his hand off, quickly moving away and putting more space between them. He even had his eyes fully averted, focusing on something on the floor.

“I-I ate something. You just don’t know. I ate before you woke up today and I bought some lunch from the laundromat-.” The fact that Jimin still continued to directly lie into his face frustrated Jungkook to no end, something inside of himself snapping. He just wanted Jimin to talk to him. Was that so much to ask for?

“Jimin.” Jungkook’s voice was snappy and cold, dropping the formalities. “Why are you lying?” His voice was a bit softer now, more disappointed and sad.

“W-Why would you say that I’m lying? You know nothing! I ate enough and I’m not hungry-.” As if on cue, there was a rumble of a stomach soundly ringing through the air and it was surely not Jungkook’s. This unofficially confirmed that Jimin had been lying, so Jungkook tried to calm himself down.

Getting too emotional now would probably freak Jimin out, so he had to try to talk about this calmly. The elder already looked pale and scared, as if someone was about to tell him off for even breathing.

“I asked Namjoon and he told me that you didn’t have anything to eat in the morning. And you didn’t bring your wallet or any money with you so you couldn’t have bought anything. Jimin, you really need to eat.” With shaky hands, he tried to reach out for Jimin, but the man only shrunk back further and carried this haunted and terrified expression.

It internally broke Jungkook to see him like this, feeling his vision get clouded by tears that he tried to force away.

“Don’t say that.” Jimin’s voice was emotionless and void of undertones, his eyes wide. “Jimin, you shouldn’t do this to yourself. We all know how hard the time after our debut was and how much you struggled with accepting and loving yourself…” He paused, but continued on when Jimin did not give him much of a reaction.

“…but don’t do this. You’re beautiful the way you are and don’t have to try to live up to some unreachable standards…You’re already putting so much stress on yourself. The past few weeks you’ve really put a lot of effort into practicing and it was really easy to notice. I’m actually shocked that you haven’t eaten our entire fridge because of how hard you’re working…” Jungkook really tried to keep his voice calm but trustful and sure, but he felt his front weaken with every word that he spoke.

With every sentence, he softened more and he felt himself get closer to breaking down, but he would try to hide it for Jimin’s sake.

“Hyung…” Jungkook sadly whispered out, his frown deepening and a shaky breath leaving him. For a moment, Jimin seemed lost in his own thoughts, eyes blank and almost numb. That scared Jungkook to no end, wanting to reach out to support him but he was too scared.

“P-please, stop. I-I…“ Jimin suddenly choked out, a certain rasp to his voice. His voice broke off in the middle of his sentence, as a heart-wrenching sob left his wobbly lips. The smaller man tilted his head down, as if to hide himself from judging eyes and that broke Jungkook’s resolve to give Jimin space.

Finally cracking, he hastily scooted closer to Jimin and instantly wrapped his arms around the man that he had such deep feelings for. Jungkook felt like it was his fault, as Jimin tightly began to fist his shirt and as he sobbed into Jungkook’s chest. He felt like it was his fault as he felt his shirt get soaked with pitiful tears, wanting to punch himself for coming on so strong and stubbornly.

If he would have tried to be more careful and calculated about this, then Jimin’s reaction could have been much milder. He tried to calm both of them down as he gently shushed his Hyung, his hands comfortingly caressing the fragile body in his arms. It was the most sincere hug that they have shared in a long while and Jungkook tried to cling onto that faint string of hope that he could metaphorically see.

“I’m so sorry for putting it like that. I should have been more understanding and shouldn’t have cornered you like this, Hyung. I’m sorry.” Jungkook shakily spoke and attempted to swallow down fresh tears.

Hearing Jimin cry and sob this passionately made a worried feeling set in his stomach. After a while, Jimin’s sobs dimmed down to broken wails and small whimpers, relieving Jungkook.

“There, there…” He gently cooed in pity, making sure that he was comforting the elder by tenderly caressing him. As soon as there was a quiet silence between them, Jungkook discreetly began to nudge the elder, signaling that he wanted them to pull away.

There was the urge to keep Jimin in his arms forever and to protect him from all the badness and danger in the world, but he also wanted to have a face-to-face talk with Jimin. Communication was the key during problematic situations like these and he did not want to create misunderstandings because of his emotions.

His heart still clenched together when Jimin pulled away and kept his head low. Jungkook almost embraced Jimin again when he spotted silent tears continuing to fall off of Jimin’s nose and cheeks.

“Do you want to talk about everything…?“ He carefully asked and made sure that he would not overstep any boundaries yet again. Seeing Jimin break down again would surely break Jungkook too and he knew that he would not be able to push down his own cries anymore.

He attempted to push the fringe out of Jimin’s face, but it just fell back down because Jimin kept his gaze directed down. For a moment, Jimin appeared conflicted and unsure, but Jungkook had the patience to wait and to make sure that Jimin would not feel stressed to answer him.

“I-I think…” Jimin shakily paused, before finally looking Jungkook in the eyes again. Seeing how bloodshot Jimin’s own were and how miserably beautiful his features were made Jungkook feel scared of what he was about to hear. Seeing Jimin like this was one of his biggest fears and worries in life.

“L-Listen. I’ve been having a rough few days and…” Jimin sharply inhaled. He could see how Jimin was fighting to find the right words. “… and I swear, you don’t have to worry. I admit that I’ve been overworking myself and that I forgot to eat because of that. I’m just...  I just don’t want everyone to worry. I’ve been lying about eating because I know that everyone would worry about me, but this is just a stupid phase in my life, I swear. As soon as we’ve managed to finish all the preparations for the tour and all the plans on our agenda for the next few days, everything will completely go back to normal. I’ve just not been thinking about food for the last few days because of how hard I’m trying to prepare for the comeback and I don’t want the other members to worry about me.”

Jimin’s fingers were shaking after he had finished. As much as this explanation was valid and reasonable, there was something telling Jungkook that this was not the truth. He did not know why, but seeing Jimin so nervous and alert and knowing that this would be an untypical reason for Jimin to behave like this made him question everything.

To be frank, he felt like Jimin was lying to him and did not know how to react about it. He could both question Jimin more and make sure that he was not lying, or he could leave it be and give the elder the relief of being released from this interrogation.

He desperately wanted to make sure that Jimin was alright and he was scared that Jimin was hiding something even worse from him, but he let it slide for today and decided that he should not put even more pressure on his Hyung. So, he let out a deep, defeated sigh.

“I’m so glad that it’s nothing too serious. I thought you’d be going down a really bad route or something.” He hoped that Jimin would say something more or that he would admit that he had lied, but Jimin just faintly smiled at him.

“No, why would I? It’s just me overworking myself a bit.” Jungkook was glad that he was apparently good at masking his feelings, putting a blinding grin onto his face and soothingly petting Jimin’s knee.

This time, Jimin stayed in his position without appearing too uncomfortable. At least they were somehow making progress, even if Jungkook had an inkling that there was more to this conflict.

“But that doesn’t mean that it’s ok for you to feel guilty about not thinking about food. You know that we notice when something is wrong with you. So, you shouldn’t feel like hiding anything. It’s ok that you forgot to eat here and there because we’ll always be there to care for you and watch after you. I will always be there.” He calmly spoke, really wanting Jimin to know that the elder could not only depend on Jungkook, but on all of the members.

Knowing that Jimin was somehow struggling with himself just awoke this primitive instinct to support him and to care for him, not matter how much he tried to fight against it.

“I know… I’ll be more open from now and I won’t repeat this mistake ever again.” Jimin spoke in relief and Jungkook was praying that the smaller man genuinely took his words to heart. As much as he would have preferred to find out more and to make sure that Jimin was not lying, he leaned forward with a huge, fake grin and grabbed the food. He still had to make sure that Jimin would eat tonight.

“Nice. And I think we both agree that you finally deserve a meal, after all the stress and work that you’re putting yourself through. You must be starving by now.“ He worked quickly and efficiently as he unwrapped all of the food from the plastic bag and the wrapping paper, the rustling of his movements loud in the otherwise comfortably silent room.

“I got lamb skewers, of freaking course. I also got Bibimbap, Bulgogi and some tasty Kimchi from that restaurant down the street, that you like so much, to top it off. Aish, I’m such a good Dongsaeng, right Hyung?” He mindlessly joked around, wanting to lighten up the atmosphere as best as he could.

For now, he wanted to distract himself from everything as he sat down the opened boxes of food on the table in front of them. An amazing variety of delicious smells wafted through the air, awakening the hunger for food in Jungkook’s stomach. He still had not had dinner and was at the point of starving, so he was really looking forward to eating his meal.

“Yeah… you’re such a good Dongsaengie.“ Jimin softly spoke. For some reason, this situation reminding Jungkook of that one night where Jimin and he had eaten a late-night dinner because Jimin had been studying their choreography for a way too long time without eating dinner.

It gave Jungkook a nostalgic feeling.

As soon as he had unpacked all of the food, he pulled out two pairs of chopsticks with an enthusiastic smile. Finally, he turned to look at Jimin, holding out one of the pairs for the elder to take. After a moment of suspicious hesitation, the elder moved to grab them, just a bit below Jungkook’s own hand.

It gave Jungkook flashbacks of that late-night dinner, when their fingers had gently and innocently brushed together. It reminded him of how much it flustered not only him, but also Jimin.

So, he followed his instincts and, before Jimin could pull his hand away, he wrapped his hand around Jimin’s fists to keep his hand where it was. As if it was a chemical reaction, he felt his hand tingle from the touch and could feel butterflies go wild in his stomach.

It shocked Jungkook a bit, but he somehow felt at peace knowing that his feelings for the elder were as deep as ever. This action must have shocked Jimin, because his eyes were wide and flabbergasted as he stared back at Jungkook, not blinking. With a tender smile and a trustful glint in his eyes, Jungkook vocalized.

“If you’re ever having any problems again or if there’s anything that’s negatively affecting you, please come to me. No matter what, alright Hyung?“ Just reminding Jimin of what he had already said countless of times made him feel a bit better and relieved.

He could not hold back the desperate and worried undertone in his voice and just hoped that Jimin would not notice it. As a small, soft grin overtook Jimin’s features, Jungkook slightly felt his heart melt.

“I will, no matter what.” Hearing Jimin say it with his own mouth satisfied Jungkook for today and he sent the other one last lingering stare, before pulling his hand away.

Instantly, he began to miss the warmth and comfortableness of Jimin’s skin against his own and craved to reach out again. Just the simple touch of their hands gave him so much happiness and warmth that he felt like he could get addicted to it. But it would make things awkward now and Jungkook did not want to demolish all of his process.

“Good. Now, do you want to start with the Bibimbap or with the Bulgogi? We could try both at the same time! It’d probably shoot our taste buds through the roof, like, holy shit. Wait.” Jungkook giddily moved forward and mixed the foods that he had mentioned, scooping them both up with his chopsticks.

Before he would feed himself though, he would make sure that Jimin was the first one to eat. So, he leaned back with the food in his careful hand and turned to the elder, holding out the portion for him to eat.

With a faint smile, Jimin promptly opened his mouth and took the food that Jungkook was holding out for him, slightly calming down Jungkook’s entire being.

Just seeing Jimin eat enough and seeing him take care of himself satisfied Jungkook so much that he could kiss the Grinch.

He just hoped that his suspicions were not true and that this was a resolved topic.

16th of May 2018

11:54 PM.

After their silent, comfortable dinner, the two of them had decided that they had worked enough for today and they had headed out to walk back home. Jungkook was glad that the dinner went relatively smoothly with no other occurrences, his mind at ease at the moment.

Of course, he had secretly watched Jimin and had made sure that he had eaten enough. To his satisfaction, the elder had eaten a portion that was much larger than Jungkook’s own. And they were eating lamb skewers, so Jungkook had been positively munching down on a lot of food and felt fuller than ever.

As much as there was silence between them, they had also held a mindless conversation with Jimin not avoiding Jungkook as much as before, even allowing skin-ship. It calmed some of Jungkook’s worries and also made a spark of hope glimmer in his chest, feeling as if there was a chance for their friendship to bloom into something more.

But he did not want to force anything and had to be satisfied with the friendship that they shared for now. It had already been on thin ice, so starting a talk about how Jungkook sometimes would get lost in Jimin’s eyes would have been a lethal idea.

Jungkook was glad that he had not brought his car to the studio, because now they were walking along the sidewalk in the darkness of the night, a comfortable silence between them as they walked through empty streets.

The sidewalk that they were walking on was beautifully paved and there were pretty trees guiding their way to their right. On their left side, the view of a river added an even more apparent element of nature to the city and reminded Jungkook of the sea in Busan. Just thinking about the sea made images of his family pop up in his mind.

He was reminded of his mother’s kind facial expressions, of his father’s firm but loving way of raising them and of the times filled with banter and pranks with his brother. It made him crave home a little bit and he felt the urge to visit his family again.

Now that they had figuratively managed a breakthrough, their schedules were as packed as ever and they had to work practically non-stop. Don’t get Jungkook wrong, he would have never chosen to live a different life, but there were those times where he felt a bit homesick and where he wanted to just do nothing.

He knew that the other members probably had similar thoughts to his. But if he would have never auditioned and signed a contract under this company, then he would have never gotten the chance to meet the other members.

And to meet Jimin.

Heck, he could not even think of a life without Jimin. Jimin was his role-model and had always been this persistent and regular figure in his life and now he was the person of his admirations. It was fascinating how his innocent feelings could develop into so much more and that thought painted Jungkook’s cheeks in a faint blush which hopefully could not be seen in the darkness.

As he felt a pair of eyes staring at him, he directed his gaze to his right to catch Jimin smile at him and felt his own small, subconscious smile appear on his lips. Shadows were thrown across Jimin’s features and even in the darkness of the night, he appeared so ethereal and beautiful that Jungkook just wanted to reach out to check if he was actually real. However, he directed his gaze back to the river to distract himself and to not accidentally bare his feelings.

“Does the river also remind you of home…?” He softly asked into the silence, a feeling of melancholy flooding him.

“Yeah, it really reminds me of Busan and my family…”

There was a small pause. “…I really miss them.“ The elder finally finished in a slightly emotional tone and Jungkook genuinely emphasized with him. But knowing that Jimin felt a bit homesick right now did not sit right with him, so he attempted to lift the mood.

“We really should go back there together as soon as we get a few days off. I mean, we haven’t had a proper break to see our relatives since when…? The beginning of last year? I really need to see your mum again because her Yukgaejang literally makes me go crazy.”

And boy, Jungkook was not lying.

Jimin’s mother was an actual cooking queen and knew how to mix the right spices to prepare a heavenly dinner. Not only that, in addition to that she had huge knowledge about many different meals and different cultures and could prepare food for any kind of culture because of the different recipes that she had studied throughout her lifetime.

To Jungkook, she was an actual cooking master. Jungkook could still remember the days that he had spent with Jimin’s mother, cooking foreign recipes that he had never even heard of. He could also remember a pouty Jimin, demanding to get more attention from Jungkook because, and he quotes, “What was the point of spending their holidays together when they are not actually doing anything together”?

The memories, faint but yet so powerful, warmed Jungkook’s heart.

“I don’t think that that would be a good idea though. You’ll probably try to learn my mum’s recipes again and nearly burn down our kitchen like you did last year.” Ok, Jungkook was not the most talented person in the kitchen.

He might have accidentally, nearly burned down their kitchen last year, but Jungkook was a passionate man and just wanted to be able to cook like Jimin’s mother for future purposes.

As Jimin’s bright, bubbly giggles traveled through the air, Jungkook let himself look back to his Hyung and felt his heart stop at the sight that greeted him. Jimin’s eyes were crinkling at the sides and almost closed because of how much he was smiling and he was hiding his smile behind a sweater-pawed hand. He looked so adorable and cuddly that Jungkook just wanted to reach out and pull him into a hug. What he would give to do that.

“I just want to be able to make us tasty dishes without having to depend on your mother! She’s like… my cooking sensei. As long as she teaches me, I’m sure that I’ll be able to become a fantastic cook. Even Jin-Hyung will be shocked!“ Jungkook passionately spoke, thinking of a domestic life with Jimin, where he could cook both of them breakfast.

He imagined waking up next to Jimin in a shared bed, cooking for the elder as Jimin clings to his back while he is wearing one of Jungkook’s shirts that are too large on him. Jungkook seriously had to stop thinking these things or he would melt.

“I think you should leave the cooking to the ones that aren’t as clumsy as you. It’s actually a little bit unexpected if I’m honest. The golden Maknae is actually a bomb of destruction when it comes to cooking even the simplest dishes. Who would’ve thought? I already pity your future wife.” Jimin teasingly bumped their shoulders together and Jungkook felt the slightest bit offended.

Just because he was not trained at cooking did not mean that he could not do it.

“Hey, I just need to train more! When I cooked with your mum, it was my first time actually, well… genuinely cooking in a kitchen. I had no experience whatsoever!” He pointedly glared at the elder, secretly enjoying how brightly Jimin was grinning and how happy he seemed because of their mindless banter.

“Well, then you should probably destroy your own kitchen first before you completely annihilate my mum’s.” As Jimin spoke, Jungkook realized that they were both already walking on a small bridge that helped them cross the river.

“You know that it wasn’t on purpose! Jeez, why should I ever think about ruining your mother’s belongings? I’m not rude.“ Jungkook pouted. However, a smile replaced that pout when Jimin playfully put a finger onto his chin, looking like he was deep in thought.

“To be fair, you are kind of rude though. Just look at you talking to me informally and not calling me Hyung. Such a disrespectful brat.“ Even though this was a perfect opportunity for Jungkook to tease the elder a bit more, he just whined out.

“Hyung.” Because of his antics, the two of them broke out into hearty laughter, enjoy in the conversation that they were holding.

They calmed down relatively fast and Jungkook even let a peaceful sigh slip past his lips, coming to a sudden halt in the middle of the bridge. Of course, Jimin stopped his walk soon after and turned to face Jungkook with a confused frown, looking as beautiful and adorable as ever.

“Now that I think about it.” Jungkook brightly grinned and stepped closer to Jimin, pushing away the fact that he should probably respect his boundaries a bit more. Jimin looked slightly taken aback when Jungkook moved his hands down to tug on one of Jimin’s sleeves, a satisfying feeling spreading in his gut.

“We’re actually matching.” It was true. Both of them were wearing bright red, attention-seeking hoodies. It should have been not much of a deal to Jungkook, but for some reason, it satisfied him to know that Jimin’s clothing matched his. For a moment, Jimin seemed confused.

“Ugh…” But then, he got what Jungkook had meant and a small smile spread on his lips, looking down to inspect their attire. Jungkook mirrored his actions and looked down at the area where he was holding onto the fabric of Jimin’s hoodie.

It was probably weird of him to just stare like this, so he looked back up at the elder, catching him already looking at Jungkook. However, Jimin instantly averted his gaze and looked away, causing Jungkook to feel giddy.

His Hyung was acting so adorable and cutely, he just wanted to wrap him up in a blanket and to make sure that he was safe forever.

“Let’s stay here for a little while and enjoy the night.” He gently mumbled instead, disregarding Jimin’s startled expression and pulling him along to walk to the railing of the bridge.

As soon as they had arrived at the railing, he removed his hand from Jimin’s sleeve and watched as the elder coyly gripped onto the railing, looking down at the serene water that was flowing beneath them. The lights of the moon and of the artificial streetlight reflected against Jimin’s face and his eyes, making him look like he belonged into a painting. As much as the sight of the water was pretty, looking at Jimin was even better and made him fall a little bit deeper in love.

He felt his entire demeanor soften while he looked at Jimin, heart pounding wildly in his chest as he instinctively stepped behind the elder. Jimin obviously froze up, as if sensing Jungkook behind him but not reacting yet.

Trying to push away his nerves, he gently put his hands onto Jimin’s waists from behind, practically gloating in the touch. After a moment of hesitance, he decided to throw his fear out of the window and moved to completely wrap his arms around Jimin, pressing the smaller’s back against his chest and finding comfort by placing his chin onto Jimin’s shoulder.

Being so close to Jimin gave him a nice chance to inhale Jimin’s scent, fondly smiling because of the chamomile-like smell that filled and relaxed his senses. He hoped that Jimin would not be able to feel his beating heart as he tightened his arms even more around his fragile figure, afraid of letting go.

He was in such a tranquil trance and so happy that Jimin seemingly relaxed into the embrace that he began to sway them left and right to an imaginary melody. It felt so good to just hold him like this, to enjoy each other’s presence.

“I…” Jungkook began, feeling the urge to just say something. “I’m really grateful that you’re there, Jimin.”

He carefully chose his words, not wanting to accidentally let a part of his feelings slip. He just needed the elder to know that he deeply admired him, needed him to know that Jimin was wanted.

“Back then, when we first debuted, I was always really scared. I was still so, so young and had no idea how the world functioned. Heck, I had no idea who I even was and who I wanted to be.” A pause. “I felt like I couldn’t be comfortable around the other Hyungs. They were all so experienced and mature and just… like they knew about all the obstacles and hazards that life could bring. I was just a kid.”

He tightened his hold on Jimin.

“I know that all of them were always there for me and I know that they did their best to make me feel comfortable. Especially Taehyung and Hoseok. They are just such easy people to get along with. But… for some reason I never truly felt like I could relax during the beginning of everything. I felt pressured and immature and like I should try to be like the others. I felt like I shouldn’t be myself… Except when I was with you.”

He could hear Jimin sharply inhale.

“You were always so confident and carefree and not afraid of being yourself. You took other people’s critics in stride and weren’t afraid to show off any off your emotions. I always envied you and wanted to be like you, if I’m being honest. The point is… you were the one who made me feel like I could be myself. Whenever we spent time together, I truly felt at peace and never felt like I had to worry about my actions and the way I behaved. It’s honestly hard and weird to describe, but… you made me realize that I should always stay true to myself no matter what other people think of me. And I’m really grateful for that, Hyung…”

Jungkook finished his little speech and felt free.

He felt like he had been able to get at least some of the pressure of being in love with Jimin off of his chest. Even if he did not admit his feelings yet, he still wanted Jimin to know that he needed him more than anyone else.

What Jungkook did not expect was to hear a quiet sniffle sound through the air, his ears practically perking up at the sound.

“…Hyung? Are you ok…?” He worriedly questioned, eyebrows crunched down into a frown even as Jimin quickly nodded his head.

Yet, another sniffle slipped and Jungkook could not stop himself from pulling away and gripping onto Jimin’s shoulders to make the elder face him. Instantly, his expression softened and he felt himself melt at Jimin’s gentle tears and at the happy smile that he carried with himself.

With a tender smile of his own, he reached both of his hands up to carefully cup Jimin’s cheeks, wiping away the tears that were falling.

“K-Kook-ah… I just…” The elder looked conflicted, unable to find the correct words. But Jungkook had patience, he always did.

However, he was surprised as Jimin promptly stood up on his tiptoes, wrapping both of his arms around Jungkook’s neck and cuddling himself into Jungkook’s neck as he warmly and securely embraced the younger.

He was so taken aback because this was the first, proper contact that Jimin had initiated between them, ripping himself out of his shock to tightly embrace Jimin back. As soon as he reciprocated the touch, Jimin immediately let out a happy sob and Jungkook calmly breathed against his skin.

He enjoyed holding Jimin like this and he would do it for as long as he wanted if he could. Yet, he knew that there were limits and that he could not just cup his cheeks again to pull him into a searing kiss.

He could not just romantically and cheekily dip Jimin to press a gentle kiss against his awaiting lips and could not express his feelings more than this.

As if someone wanted to make fun of him, a sudden melody sounded through the air and it embarrassed Jungkook so much that he could feel a blush spread on his lips.

The song was familiar because it had appeared in one of his favorite, romantic K-Dramas.

Am I in love?

My eyes are telling me.

My eyes that look at you.

Can’t hide it, it’s so obvious.

Jimin slightly choked and actually coughed into Jungkook’s neck, which he did not mind at all, but Jungkook still shrieked and pulled his head back because he was a bit ticklish in that area.

But he still kept his arms around his Hyung, even as they were not able to properly look at each other’s faces again. He just felt the need to keep Jimin in his arms.

“W-Wow.” Jimin coughed again, looking away to cough into his tiny fist with cherry red cheeks. The sight made Jungkook almost coo out loud.

Am I in love?

My cheeks are telling me.

They are getting red because of you.

Can’t hide it, it’s so obvious.

Jungkook nearly burst out into laughter because of how fitting the lyrics were to this very moment, but he attempted to hide it. Jimin was already acting a bit panicked and he did not want to make it even worse.

“T-That’s an awkward timing…” Now, Jungkook just let the laughs slip, not really minding the romantic music in the background.

“I-I don’t know what you mean. This is the most hilarious thing ever.” He giddily admitted, never ceasing to laugh and just enjoying this moment to the fullest. He even ignored the dry look that Jimin gave him.

“Yah!” Jimin shouted, offended, and punched his shoulder, but the impact was so little that Jungkook barely even noticed it. The funniness of the moment mixed with the adorably hilarious expression that Jimin had on his face just cracked him up more, practically leaning onto the elder as he laughed.

“You’re such a child and an actual crackhead.“ Jimin dead-panned. In all honesty, Jungkook agreed with him but no one had to know about that.

“Well, y-you’re too adorable for your own good.” He mumbled instead, not really realizing his own words or the sheepish expression that was suddenly on Jimin’s face.

“We… we should definitely head home or else I’ll die because of laughter.” Jungkook giddily added, trying to suppress a new wave of laughter and pulling away from Jimin.

He was slightly disappointed that he had to let the elder go and already felt much colder without Jimin pressed against him, but he ignored the feeling and listened to his gut feeling.

“No shit.” Jimin grumpily mumbled out, before spinning around and continuing on his way with haste to his steps. That cracked Jungkook up again, especially the cute pout on Jimin’s lips and how he still slightly bounced on his heels with every step that he took.

“Wait, Hyung! Wait up!”

9th of August 2018

10:12 PM

Jungkook had thought that everything would get better.

Soon after all of the tears that they had shed, business and tight schedules had them packed in their tight grips and they all had to focus on their recent comeback.

As much as Jungkook would have liked to say that he was watching Jimin like a hawk, most of the time he had to concentrate on schedules. Yes, he continuously made sure that Jimin ate, but that was about once a day. Still, the fact that Jimin was eating calmed his worries and guilt, even if he felt like he should check on him more.

The major factor that still worried the members was how Jimin continued to spend a lot of time cooped up in his room, not communicating.

It went so far that Namjoon had called all of them to a little meeting about Jimin, talking about how they should look after him even more and how they were all worried. As much as all of them would have liked to think that it was a phase, this phase was going on for too long.

So, they came to the conclusion to confront Jimin after the end of their tour, to keep conflict and stress away while they had to concentrate on it. Jungkook was the only one who protested against that.

He was the one who wanted to immediately confront Jimin about everything, even if it meant making things difficult. Since all of the other members had disagreed with him, there was no other choice for him but to obey. That was how they found themselves in this mess.

They were currently all on stage, performing in front of a live audience to thousands of fans in another city. As usual, the night was going well with elated screams of joy sounding from the audience and a certain motivation in the air.

Being on stage was almost like a drug to Jungkook, enjoying the breeze that brushed his face as he danced while thousands of loyal fans cheered him on. There was nothing else that he wanted to do as a profession, no matter how much older he became.

None of them were prepared for the disaster that was going to play out right in front of their noses. Taehyung and Jin were in full-on concert mode, prancing across the catwalk and cheering on the crowd with ridiculous expressions. It made armys cheer, some even cried from bliss.

They had all been busy with singing or waving at the crowd, wanting every single army to feel special. It was natural for them to scream out their lungs and to cheer them on as if they were born to do it.

However, no matter how loud the screams of joy were, Jungkook was able to decipher a different pattern of screams. He was at the end of the catwalk, on the huge platform that he could dance on with the rest of the members.

Well, everyone was here, except for Jimin.

Everyone was so caught up by the adrenalin of living their dreams that no one had been able to hear the screams of shock and worry further in the front. As if Jungkook had realized something fatal, he turned his body into the direction of the catwalk with eyes widening as they settled on Jimin.

The man was standing, but from what Jungkook could see, he was extremely wobbly on his knees. Once, he even nearly tripped over himself, even though he was simply standing.

Before Jungkook could properly react, he saw how Jimin suddenly collapsed into himself, body getting limp and falling to the side with a crash to the ground.

At that, a majority of the arena reacted to what had happened, Jungkook’s fingers already shaking as he felt tears slip down his cheeks.

The other members were still confused as he dashed past them, letting his mic slip and fall down as he stormed towards his unconscious Hyung. All that he could think about was how stupid he had been. He should have looked out for him more, should have focused more on his well-being. The worry and guilt were clouding his heart and vision, breath stuck in his throat as he practically threw himself down onto the ground next to Jimin.

The only thing that he cared about was Jimin, ignoring the screams of worry in the background as he shakily cooped up Jimin into one of his arms.

“Jiminie! F-for god’s sake, please wake up! Minnie-.” His screams were dulled by himself as he choked on his tears, gently slapping his cheek as a weak attempt of getting him to wake up.

Even as he rattled the other with force, he did not budge and his eyes stayed shut.

Jimin… he felt so fragile and small in his arms.

Now that he was holding him this, he noticed how perfectly his clothes hid his extremely small figure, except for his sunken in cheeks and his overly sharp jawline.

He looked sickeningly thin.

At his realization, there were paramedics storming onto the stage and he felt his members trying to gently get him off of Jimin. But his mind was fixated on never leaving Jimin, of staying close to Jimin and making sure that he was safe and sound.

That was why he screamed and hit around himself in protest, when Namjoon forcefully pulled him off of Jimin, all of the members gripping onto him as the paramedics hurriedly placed him onto a stretcher to carry him off of the stage.

He was crying and screaming, ignoring the fact that thousands of fans were able to see him break down and lose himself. The guilt was swallowing him whole and he felt like it was his entire fault to see Jimin like this.

To see him weak and undernourished, almost lifeless.

Even when he was pulled into a warm chest and many pairs of arms were wrapped around him, he would not stop hitting around himself and trying to escape.

Why were they keeping him back?!

He had to go and look for Jimin to see if he was fine!

They could not just hold him back!

But they did, not minding how Jungkook screamed and cried in agony, his body not knowing how to react to everything that was happening.

After a while, he felt himself grow weak in a matter of seconds, body giving out on him from the unbearable amount of stress and his vision growing black.

10th of August 2018

06:12 PM

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Jungkook was counting the seconds on the clock that gradually passed by, his body exhausted and mind heavy from the whirlwind of thoughts that clouded his right sense of mind.

He had not slept in what felt like forever, his body screaming at him to just lay down for a week but his mind too troubled and wild to even think about resting.

He knew that he was exaggerating though because he had only spent one night without sleeping. It took a real toll on him because he usually was not someone to sleep little to nothing, never managing to work probably without at least getting a few hours of sleep.

So, his mind was a mess of haziness and jumbled thoughts, body almost woozy as he leaned back in his chair. Not only that, but Jungkook was also bad at waiting.

All of them were currently in a hospital that was close to their concert venue from last night. After Jimin’s unexpected collapse, the paramedics had promptly rushed him to the next best hospital to get him checked out and to stabilize his condition.

After Jungkook had woken up from his shocking collapse, the members had told him about all the details. Since Jungkook was knocked out, he was unaware of how the fans had all begun to panic at Jimin’s condition and Jungkook’s state.

As much as Jungkook disliked the fact, they had broken off the concert for that day, some of the fans disappointed while others were completely understanding about it.

As for Jungkook, apparently he had been carried backstage by Yoongi to get medical attention and he still wondered about how the elder had even been able to carry him. He had slept for roughly 3 hours, his body over-exerted by the trauma of watching Jimin collapse right in front of his eyes.

During the time he was out, Seokjin and Taehyung had gone to look after Jimin and to see what was happening, while the others stayed with Jungkook and waited for him to wake up.

Seemingly, the news about what had happened at the concert had spread like wildfire, social media blowing up with hashtags and posts that wished for Jimin and Jungkook to get better and expressed their worries. Namjoon had told him all about it, before driving the rest of them to the hospital.

At first, his Hyungs had insisted that he should rest a bit more, but Jungkook had been adamant about leaving to see how Jimin was doing. He was almost hysterical about it, even claiming that he would walk to the hospital by foot if he had to.

Because of that, he now found himself sitting in waiting area C, right in front of a door that led to the room that Jimin was in. On one hand, they were lucky that there was no other person except for them in this area which meant that no one would question why they were here.

On the other hand, it was quiet enough for Jungkook to get lost into his own thoughts, especially with the other members staying just as quiet and tense as him.

Needing to move around, he leaned forward with a frustrated sigh, the uncomfortable chair squeaking as pulled his legs up to place his feet onto the end of the chair, wrapping his arms around his legs as a source of comfort. His grip around himself was tight, needing to hold onto something to keep his emotions at bay.

They had driven to the hospital at around 2 AM and many hours had passed. He was gradually feeling like he would start to lose his shit sooner than later. His eyes had been peeled open and his body anxious throughout all of the hours, constantly disputing with his members about how he should eat something and sleep.

He knew that they were as worried as they were compassionate, knowing about his feelings.

It was just… Jungkook could not will himself to do anything other than wait and worry. He could not even consider getting food or falling asleep before knowing that everything was ok with Jimin. It was probably unreasonable, especially because Jimin was healthy and this could not have to do anything with his organs.

But he could still feel Jimin’s fragile body on his hands. The elder had been so light and thin, almost as if he was undernourished and had been… starved.

That thought did not sit well with him and he was scared of assuming things. Especially because everything fit so well together. The factor that Jimin was shutting himself off, how he was starting to become distant, how the members and he never managed to catch him eat a lot and how he was as thin as a stick.

He had his suspicions and felt sick at the idea of any of them being a reality, not wanting to believe that Jimin would ever do something to actually harm himself. As much as he was worried to death, he could not open up about it to the other members because the only thing that was on his mind was for Jimin to wake up.

What if his Jiminie would never wake up again…?

He felt tears start to well up in his eyes, trying to swallow down the lump in his throat. He did not want to break down in front of his Hyungs again. They had their own worries about Jimin and bothering them with himself would exert them even further.

Especially Taehyung.

Taehyung had it almost as bad as him.

The man was sitting next to Jungkook, his body sitting straight up and his expression almost emotionless. Ever since Jimin had collapsed, Taehyung had worn that expression.

He had not cried, had not managed to show any kind of reaction from the shock. It was, in fact, eerie how little emotions his Hyung had shown, not fitting his character and personality. If a person did not know him well enough, then they would not be able to see the emotion and grief behind his eyes, attempting to hide them with a calm expression.

However, it neither fooled the other members nor Jungkook. He tried to distract himself by thinking about Taehyung, worried about how significantly dead the elder looked at the outside.

In the end, it did not do much and Jungkook’s thoughts drifted back to Jimin, to how lifeless and pale he had looked in his arms.

How…weak he had been.

Without managing to hold it back, he felt a tear slipping from his eyes, not bothering to wipe it away. He was too unmotivated to move again and simply attempted not to make too much noise. As tears continued to wet his cheeks, he suddenly felt a hand falling onto the back of his neck.

A bit scared, he turned his head to his right, eyes wide as he caught Taehyung’s stare. The elder man still looked emotionless, a façade hiding his true emotions and Jungkook was a bit scared.

But then, Taehyung’s gaze immensely softened and he began to massage the muscles on Jungkook’s neck in a comforting way, making the younger’s lower lip wobbly. Even now, when Taehyung was probably close to losing his mind himself, he was putting Jungkook before himself and wanted to cheer him up.

The massage was actually comforting, but he disregarded it immediately when Taehyung let a few tears slip, contrasting to his otherwise relaxed expression. It was a rarity to actually see Taehyung so sad that he would cry, knowing how positive and cheerful his Hyung usually was.

Maybe it was because Jungkook was not as close to him as Jimin that he got to see this side often, but experiencing it made an uneasy feeling settle in his bones.

Letting out an inaudible whimper, Jungkook completely turned himself to his side, facing Taehyung. As if he had to follow a principle of mirroring, Taehyung did the same.

Yet, the elder was shocked when Jungkook moved forward to embrace him in a hug, wrapping his arms around his torso and placing his head on his Hyung’s chest. After the shock had subsided, he felt Taehyung wrap his arms around him which was the last straw for Jungkook to cry into the material of his shirt.

Taehyung’s arms were warm and protective around him, like a mother’s hug that oozed affection. The way the elder even placed his chin on Jungkook’s head and how he ran his hand through the younger’s hair made him slightly drift off. The touch of a caring hand felt so good, now that he was basically breathing worry.

He clung onto his Hyung’s shirt as if that action would make a healthy and awake Jimin appear right in front of them.

As if someone had heard what was going on in his mind, he sensed the door to Jimin’s room opening.

He genuinely hoped that he would not come off as rude as he instantly pulled away from Taehyung, being the first person to shoot up from his chair to see what was happening next. His excitement dimmed down a bit when a doctor with a notebook appeared from behind the door.

For some reason, he had believed that it was Jimin who would come out of the room, as unreasonable as it sounded. He wiped away the tears from his cheeks as the doctor shot them a glance, before heading towards them with a determined and warm gaze.

It managed to calm Jungkook down a bit, the man’s relaxed expression making him feel like there were no complications. By now, all of the other members had gotten up, feeling Namjoon at his one side and Taehyung at the other.

“Park Jimin?” The man questioned, probably to make sure that they were actually his visitors, and raised a curious eyebrow. Before Jungkook could say anything, Namjoon had already spoken up with a stern. “Yes.”

It proved how nerve-wracking everything had been, even for the leader and it made Jungkook feel bad for also causing a big scene when Jimin had collapsed.

“We did check-ups on him and made sure that we found a reason for his sudden collapse. The most important thing is that he’s stable and ok.” As if a huge weight had been lifted off of his heart, Jungkook let out a shaky, relieved sigh and even managed to form a small smile.

The other members relaxed just as much like him, the bags under their eyes heavy but their expressions finally peaceful. Well, until the doctor spoke up with a careful tone.

“But he’s still asleep. And we don’t know when he’ll wake up because of the state that his body is in.” That caught Jungkook’s utter attention, eyes instinctually widening in worry and fear.

So, there was actually something that was wrong with his Hyung. He was scared of finding out what the doctor knew.

“Could you please follow me into the patient’s room? I believe that some privacy would be appropriate for this.” Jungkook gulped down a lump of nerves.

As far as he was concerned, he already knew that something negative was going on with Jimin and he was conflicted about wanting to find out about it.

But his other Hyungs did not hesitate as they followed the doctor back into the room, so he took a deep breath and decided that it would be best to follow them.

The walls surrounding them were painted in a comforting yellow color, giving the room an almost hopeful aura and appearance. There were paintings of children hung up on the walls, their youthful interpretations bringing life to everything. On the far left, there was a lounging area with a table placed against a couch, magazines messily piled on top of it. Even a small potted plant decorated the minimalistic interior.

If Jungkook looked ahead, he would see several windows letting light dull light fall into the room, the sun already had begun to set and mixing its warm colors with the sky.

Despite his worried stance and his reeling mind, and he felt himself slightly calm down at the sight that greeted him on the right side of the room.

There were two beds with their headboards pushed against the wall. The first bed was unoccupied and clean, ready to be taken up and used. But at the end of the room, right next to the windows, Jungkook spotted Jimin, sleeping down in a serene and peaceful way.

He knew that it might have been disrespectful to disregard the doctor and the other members, but he could not stop himself from dashing through the room. To his convenience, a chair was already situated right next to Jimin’s bed, almost as if it was inviting him.

With a held breath, he plumped himself down onto the seat and promptly leaned forward to take one of Jimin’s hands, which was laying on top of his stomach, into his own to cling onto it.

He hoped that the pressure of his hand would wake the elder up or would give him a reaction, but there was none. Jimin’s eyes stayed shut, regular breaths leaving his slightly parted lips in his tight sleep. Even though they had gone through shit during the past few hours, Jungkook was relieved to see that Jimin actually looked a bit better now.

Before they had gone up on stage, the lack of life on Jimin’s face was easy to spot and Jungkook was mentally beating himself up for not doing anything about it. But now, there was a soft flush of red coloring Jimin’s cheeks, barely there but it was a start.

A cringe involuntarily appeared on his face as he spotted the injections to Jimin’s body since he was not the best at handling needles. As much as Jimin looked better than before, there was still a dangerously noticeable lack of meat on his cheeks and now that his Hyung was laying down, it was especially noticeable.

Even the circumference of Jimin’s usually chubby fingers had changed, the feeling of them much lighter and thinner. It made him sick to his stomach, reaching out with his unoccupied hand to stroke through Jimin’s hair and to massage his scalp.

It was a distraction for him and he did not mind the fact that Jimin was unconscious and that he would not sense the gentle touch of Jungkook’s fingers. He was too preoccupied to notice his other Hyungs gathering around the bed at first, only getting ripped out of his stance by the calculated, warm voice of the doctor.

“I know that this kind of news might be hard to take, but I want to be up-front and direct about it. This isn’t something that should be taken lightly, especially in the condition that Mr. Park is in.” Jungkook looked up at the doctor with a distressed stare, tightening his hand around Jimin with the urge to protect and to soothe.

“The first thing that we noticed is that he is severely underweight.” It was like an unspoken, forbidden problem had finally been addressed, veiling the whole room in silence.

To Jungkook, it was already a confirmation that a lot of his worries had been correct.

“Based on the tests that we have made him go through, we can conclude that he has not been eating regularly, if at all. He must have made himself go through severe restrictions and through a lot of hunger periods. Not only that…”

The doctor let out a sad sigh.

“After further inspections, we’ve noticed that his throat is in a... very unusual and strange condition.” That confused all of them.

Now that the doctor had basically spoken out that Jimin had been starving himself, they all knew that their suspicions had been true.

But none of them were prepared to find out what the doctor was going to say next.

“It’s really not something that could be of natural origin. We’re unsure if it affected him in any way, but his throat has been slightly damaged by acidic fluids. In other words, the only way that his throat could be in this condition would be by repeated, frequent vomiting.” All at once, Jungkook felt his heart stop and the air in his lungs leaving him.

All of them were well aware of all of the mental illnesses that could come along with the stress of the idol life. They all knew that Jimin was a strong-willed and stubborn person, someone who would follow through with whatever that he had set his mind on. And they all knew that Jimin had not told them about feeling sick even once during the last few weeks, let alone about him throwing up.

“I’m really sorry that I have to be the one to tell you this, but we’re sure that Mr. Park is suffering from Bulimia. And based on the condition of his throat, we can say that it has been going on for quite a while.” Silent tears left Jungkook’s cheeks as soon as the words were spoken, his body feeling limp and his emotions all over the place.

He felt both numb and overwhelmed, a pain that carried such depth and intensity spreading in his body. He did not want to believe what the doctor had said, could not forgive himself for brushing off all of the signs and for being blind.

Jimin had been beating himself up behind closed doors and none of them had put in the effort to do anything about it.

Heck, Jungkook was always too busy with his own worries to notice what was going on and he deeply hated himself for that.

In the room, he could hear and see Taehyung breaking down, sobs leaving his body as if on instinct and grabbing onto Seokjin as the oldest hugged him to himself, silent tears also leaving him. It was not that hard to realize that Hoseok was on the verge of starting to cry, his lips shaky and his vision clouded by tears but he was attempting to stay strong. Even Yoongi looked stricken, his lips parted in shock and his eyes surrounded by a red color.

The factor that upset Jungkook the most was Namjoon.

The leader appeared overwhelmed with this information, stray tears escaping him but he was quick to wipe them away. He was probably trying to focus on the other members more than himself and kept up a strong-willed, collected exterior.

But all that Jungkook could focus on was the small hand that he was holding, the weight of it oh so fragile and before he knew it, he felt nausea overcome him at the overflowing emotions.

With shaky legs, he shot up and raced into what he assumed to be the bathroom, his eyes misty and unfocused as he dashed towards the toilet to throw up all of the contents of his stomach.

He cried throughout the entire process, invasive guilt and everlasting regret having possessed his body and mind.

14th of August 2018

11:29 PM

It had been rough.

After their discovery about Jimin’s condition, the doctor had given them space to talk and to process it all. At first, the members and he had been unable to properly calm down. They were throwing insults and accusations at each other, or they were crying too much to properly think.

It went as far as Namjoon breaking down, the leader trying to calm all of them down with heartbreaking sobs and desperate eyes. It had flabbergasted all of them, not used to seeing Namjoon actually being overwhelmed by such a situation to this extent.

But after hours upon hours of talking and crying and expressing their thoughts, they had managed to relatively calm down. As much as they were bothered by the guilty and upset feelings that consumed them, they were attempting to focus on Jimin’s recovery.

Everyone, except for Jungkook, tried to at least distract themselves while waiting for Jimin to wake up.

It felt disrespectful and like Jungkook would be a coward if he decided to concentrate on other things. He had been the one that had noticed Jimin’s strange eating pattern in the first place, so he should have been able to tell that something was wrong.

He should have talked to Namjoon about it or maybe their manager.

He should have just done something instead of keeping everything to himself.

It made him feel like he was the cause of Jimin’s collapse and like he was the cause of Jimin beginning to put himself through such misery.

Because of that, he had not left the hospital in five days. The day where they had found out about Jimin’s bulimia, Jungkook had not even moved up from the seat next to him, except for his breaking moment in the bathroom.

He had clung onto Jimin’s hand all day, had watched him and had made sure that his condition would not worsen all over again. Even now, on his fifth day, he had not gone home even once, had not showered and had not properly eaten.

How could he, if Jimin might wake up at any moment?

How could he, if the guilt and the worries were stealing eating at him like hungry rats nibbling on cheese?

It was already close to midnight when he decided to grab a bite from the cafeteria. He had not left Jimin’s room all day, had refused to listen to Namjoon’s and Taehyung’s pleads to eat and instead watched over his sleeping angel.

But he was at a point where the hunger pangs were unbearable and he had to force himself to get something, despite the protests of his own mind.

He had 50.000 Won clutched in his hand as he numbly inspected the sign that listed the different foods that he could buy, standing far off from the ordering desk to make sure the cashier knew that he was not ready to order.

None of the meals appealed to him, all of them feeling like it was just a waste of his time. He was clad in grey sweatpants and a slightly dirty white shirt, not caring about his appearance or how much of a mess he was.

The only important thing on his mind was Jimin and he was desperate to know when he would wake up. But he tried to focus on the food, knowing that the sooner he decided on what to eat, the sooner he would be able to go back to Jimin.

That was until he heard a familiar voice shouting his name, so he turned around with limited confusion lacing his features. Taehyung was practically storming towards him, eyes wide and cheeks wet with tears as he came to an abrupt halt right in front of the younger.

“What’s going on?” Jungkook questioned, slightly concerned because of his Hyung’s new-found energy.

“Jiminie woke up!”

That set Jungkook off.

Without even caring about anything or the people around him, he disregarded everything and ran off into the direction of Jimin’s room. In his haste, he even managed to drop the money onto the ground but he ignored Taehyung’s protests and continued to run.

He mentally cursed himself for feeling weak, the lack of sleep and proper intake of food getting to him. But his focus was solemnly on Jimin, mind reeling and his heart thudding in its chest.

He did not care that Taehyung was unable to keep up with him, relief flooding him as soon as he found himself in front of the door.

Without further ado, he rapidly ripped it open.

It seemed like Namjoon had been in a conversation with Jimin, because both of their gazes shot towards Jungkook in shock, the leader standing up while Jimin was still on the bed, albeit sitting up now.

The fact that he could finally see Jimin’s eyes and the movement of his body relieved him so much that he felt tears, which he had gotten used to by now, rolling down his cheeks.

He did not care about the grease in his hair and the disgusting state that he must have been in as he stormed through the room.

He did not care about looking desperate or pitiful as he sat down onto the chair next to Jimin’s chair, by now familiar to this position.

But he cared about Jimin as he moved forward to tightly, desperately embrace Jimin, clinging onto the elder’s tiny body with all of his might.

A cry of relief left his lips as Jimin clung onto the back of his shirt, wanting to make the elder lose all of his worries and issues. He wanted to make sure that Jimin was happy, wanted to make sure that he was always there. He wanted to make sure that a situation like this one would never happen again, wanted to see his Hyung smile.

His hands were frantic and desperate to hold onto the elder, feeling this wave of primitive protectiveness washing over himself. One of them moved up and stayed on the back of Jimin’s neck, rubbing soothing circles into the skin and feeling himself calm down a bit as Jimin relaxed into the touch.

More than anything, he wanted Jimin to feel comfortable and at ease, not stressed by the situation.

“Holy shit, I-I was worried sick. I shouldn’t have left this room to get food. Are you alright-?” He hushed out in a wavering tone, attempting to wash down reappearing tears.

In his haze of worry, he even went as far as pressing a lingering, impeccably kiss against his cheek, disregarding the way Jimin froze up for a moment. He tried to express all of his worries and regrets into the kiss as if wanting to communicate without words.

No matter how much he attempted to fight against it, he still felt the guilt overlapping with his relief and wanted to unbend the twisted situation. Nevertheless, the pounding of his heart as he kissed Jimin’s cheek was so echoingly noisy that he had to forcibly push his feelings away for this moment.

All that he wanted to ensure was that Jimin felt cared for. After the kiss, he promptly pulled away to study his Hyung’s features. With flickering eyes, he inspected the bewildered flush on Jimin’s cheeks and his parted lips as if he was in deep shock.

The expression made Jungkook want to coo at how adorable he was behaving, but he swallowed it down and let himself bathe in the alleviation that he felt.

“I-I… um… Don’t worry, Kook-ah… You sound so much like Taehyung.” The elder sheepishly commented and Jungkook felt his gaze unwillingly turn gentle.

Jimin appeared so aware of his surroundings and overwhelmed, almost as if he was being scrutinized. Because of that, he listened to his next urge and leaned forward to press a small, light peck against his small nose.

Jungkook knew that he should probably lay low on the affection, especially after how extraordinarily their friendship had deteriorated during the past weeks. Once again, Jimin was left speechless by the peck, becoming even more bashful.

“Has Namjoon talked to you about anything, yet…? About…?“ Even though he had been avoiding this topic during the last five days, he felt like he was obligated to mention it in front of Jimin.

It frustrated him how easily Jimin shrunk back into himself at his words as if he had been offended or punched by reality. He hated to see the numb and emotionless expression, which Jimin had been wearing regularly, return to his face.

“Yes. We talked about it. I know that you know.” Jimin made clear, pressing his lips together into a firm, straight line. Willing himself to grow a pair of balls, he choked out his next words.

“Jimin…” A pause. “I will do everything in my power to help you get through this.”

To Jungkook’s luck, Jimin’s entire demeanor softened again, an emotion of wonder apparent. Just like that, Jungkook decided to unleash a part of his worries.

“All of us will. You might have been trying to fight this battle on your own all this time. You might have been trying to keep this hidden from all of us. And you might have been trying to avoid the support that we would always give you. But we’re all family and no one will cease to help you get through this. Even if we have to take baby steps on your way to get better, we will always be by your side and support you whenever we can… I’m sorry for not being there for you when you needed us… when you needed me.”

His voice was raw and bare because of the emotions that he felt, making sure that his full attention was on Jimin. He wanted to make clear that Jimin knew that what he meant was serious, wanting the elder to feel like he can actually depend on him no matter what.

Cut the bullshit.

Whenever Jimin felt down, Jungkook wanted Jimin to come to him, so that he would be able to prevent the elder from doing something harmful to himself. Blaming Jimin and attempting to force him to stop his habits would be a fruitless try, knowing how stubborn he could be and how easily he managed to harm himself in secret.

The only genuine and humane solution to helping Jimin would be to make sure that Jimin knew that it was ok to reach out, ok to ask others for help. It seemed like a façade of Jimin had cracked as Jungkook was hastily pulled forward into another embrace, instantly relaxing when the elder burrowed his head into Jungkook’s neck.

Never did Jungkook ever appreciate the breath of Jimin’s neck against his skin more than now. And the factor that this hug was initiated by Jimin almost made him sob again, feeling a certain, invisible barrier lifted between them.

The feeling of knowing that Jimin was somewhat warming up to the idea of asking Jungkook for help was such a huge relief, carefully clinging onto his smaller frame.

He sneaked in a little peck against Jimin’s forehead, before returning back into the hug. When melodic, angelic giggles filled the room, he entirely felt himself relax and let the warm feeling in his chest take over.

“You’re oddly touchy today. I didn’t ask for kisses.” Jimin teasingly commented, but Jungkook simply stayed silent and listened to the sound of his giggles.

“Guys…” The sound of Namjoon’s voice ripped them out of their moment and he awkwardly pulled away from Jimin, always making sure that he was still close and in reach distance.

Nevertheless, he could feel a rare blush on his cheeks and made sure to keep his eyes averted, even as he felt Jimin’s intrigued and amused eyes stare at him.

“…As Jungkook said, we all agree that we’re willing to support you and be there for you. No matter what you’re going through or what you’re thinking, please rely on us and try to talk about it. We’re not forcing you to talk to us about how you’re feeling, but please… try to at least seek us out when you’re struggling. You’re a part of our family, after all…” Jungkook felt amused because of the embarrassed way Namjoon fidgeted with his glasses, all of them aware that the leader usually was not a man of emotional words.

The man felt so awkward that he avoided both of their stares and Jungkook was close to calling him out for it.

“Aish, you all are really trying to make me cry…” Jimin playfully pouted. “Come here, Joon-Hyung.” His head promptly snapped back to Jimin, his features turning fond at the expression on Jimin’s face.

There was a teasing glint, which had become rare, that enlightened his being and Jungkook felt like he had a tiny bit of his old Jimin back. However, his stare and his new-coming wave of thankful tears were broken off by Namjoon sitting down on the side of the bed, which Jungkook sat against, peacefully watching as Jimin thankfully wrapped his arms around Namjoon.

The sight gave him reassuring thoughts and he felt like, even if things appeared bad at the moment, they would manage to pull through alive.

With a watery chuckle, he moved forward to wrap his arms around both of them, happily joining into the cuddle.

“Jimin, I called the other boys and your family and told them that you woke up. They-.” None of them had taken notice of Taehyung entering the room, words tired and careful and calculated.

After a prolonged pause, a childish whine resonated through the room and there were footsteps hurrying into their direction.

“Hey, why aren’t you inviting me to your little cuddle party? Me too!“ In a matter of seconds, Taehyung had basically thrown himself onto them to aggressively cuddle all of them.

For the first time in a while, all of them, even Jimin, genuinely laughed out loud together. There was this motivated, ensured feeling that flooded Jungkook and he felt like he had found new strength to help and support Jimin.

He just hoped that his Hyung would manage to depend on him.

“I’m sorry for asking but… why are we even hugging?”

18th of August 2018

02:30 AM

Jungkook woke up to something shaking and moving in his arms.

It took him quite a while to genuinely be aware of his surroundings, sleep still tugging on his limbs and his shut eyes begging him to stay shut and to just continue sleeping.

He felt like he had been ripped out of the deep slumber that he desperately wanted to continue.

Then, he realized where he was.

Tonight, he had decided to sleep in Jimin’s bed, just like the nights before. After Jimin had been allowed to leave the hospital again, he had decided that he wanted to spend each and every night with Jimin, to make sure that he was alright.

He was also scared that his Hyung would do something that Jungkook did not agree with, wanting to be there for him at all times. He had made his mistake in the past already and he did not want to repeat anything like that ever again.

So, he practically ripped his eyes open as he felt his arm, which he had put around Jimin in his sleep, being gently pushed off of Jimin’s body.

He was a bit perplexed with the situation so he could not react as Jimin silently slipped out of the bed, shaky breaths, which belonged to Jimin, sounding through the air as he tip-toed through the room.

As if the elder had practiced this a lot of times, he soundlessly opened the door and slipped out of his room, the darkness enveloping his body as he shut the door behind himself.

Now that Jungkook was alone in the room, he finally managed to process what could be happening. He knew that he could just be over exaggerating and that his imagination could be going crazy, but what if…

What if Jimin was going to…

He practically shot up and out of the bed. His steps were rushed but relatively quiet as he stormed through the hallways, his heart beating so loudly that he could actually feel it in his throat.

He was oh so terrified and scared, scared that Jimin would do what Jungkook was afraid of and scared that he would lose Jimin.

Just as he was about to open the door to the bathroom, he stopped dead in his tracks and instantly felt sick to his stomach. There was the distinctive, unmistakable sound of retching that could be dimly heard through the walls and, even if Jungkook was scared, he determinedly opened the door to the bathroom.

He could have never properly prepared himself for what he was going to see.

Of course, Jungkook knew what Jimin was doing and had known that for a few days now, but seeing the man that you love stick fingers down his throat to make himself throw up as a result of self-hatred still fucked him up.

Almost immediately, he felt a heart-wrenching sob get ripped out of his throat and he was by Jimin’s side in an instant, kneeling down and one of his shaky hands rubbing across Jimin’s convulsing back as the elder threw up and cried out in slight pain.

With his other hand, he was pushing Jimin’s hair out of his eyes as he mentally tried to stay calm, but not really succeeding as he continued to cry rivers.

It hurt like a bitch to know that Jimin was beating himself up to the point of making himself vomit.

It hurt to know that Jimin carried this self-hatred and that he was unhappy with his weight when the man in front of him was perfect.

After a little while, Jimin only dry-heaved, before completely stopping. Then, he pulled away from the toilet and practically plumped down onto the floor, brokenly sitting and avoiding anyone and anything as he stared at his hands which he rested in his lap.

Jimin was silently crying and Jungkook should probably feel like he was at a loss for words, but he felt the urge to soothe and to protect.

“Jiminie… It’s alright. You’re so, so strong for trying, so please don’t be disappointed with yourself.” Jungkook calmly, warmly spoke, wiping away his tears.

As much as this hurt him, he needed to concentrate on Jimin’s well-being and had to comfort him before he could even think about anything else.

Making sure that Jimin did not beat himself up for doing this was his number one priority, so he let out a sad sigh and flushed the toilet.

Since Jimin just continued to cry and to look down at his hand, Jungkook moved to gently pick the elder up, his heart feeling like it was being ripped apart as Jimin wrapped his dangerously thin legs around his waists. The elder was so small and tiny and light that Jungkook could probably lift him with just one arm.

“You’re… y-you’re so light, Hyung. You’re as light as a fly.” He rasped out, emotion straining his voice and he had to put effort into not breaking down again.

However, he still carefully sat his Hyung down onto the edge of the sink, making sure to constantly stay close to Jimin as he prepared Jimin’s toothbrush and pressed toothpaste onto it before making it wet. Then, he motioned for Jimin to open his mouth and he could practically feel him shrink into himself and could instantly see the sheepish blush on his pale cheeks.

After a moment of hesitance, Jimin slightly opened his mouth and Jungkook began to thoroughly clean his teeth. He took his time with the elder, taking this as a chance to collect his thoughts and to calm down.

Three minutes quickly passed and Jungkook moved to rinse the toothbrush behind Jimin, before putting it away and letting Jimin slip off of the sink to wash out his mouth. As soon as Jimin was done, Jungkook spun him around and instantly enveloped him in a bone-crushing hug, holding onto his Hyung for dear life and never wanting to let go.

As Jimin’s hands soothingly glided along his back, he did not suppress his tears anymore and freely let them slip, sniffling into Jimin’s neck. He could feel Jimin freeze for a moment.

“J-Jiminie… Why didn’t you wake me up…?” He quietly asked, feeling like he was about to actually cry his lungs out.

Just feeling how small and tiny his Hyung was would usually amuse him, but this was a new extreme.

“I’m sorry.” Jimin dejectedly and regretfully spoke, causing Jungkook to be filled with worry.

The number one thing that he was scared of right now was that there was the possibility of Jimin blaming himself for everything. He did not want him to feel even more miserable, so he furiously shook his head and pulled it back to directly look at Jimin.

Just through Jimin’s weak and disappointed expression, he could see how he felt and immediately moved to pick Jimin up and to sit him down on the sink again.

“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m so proud of you for even being able to make so much progress in such a short amount of time. I just want you to understand that you don’t have to feel embarrassed in front of me. You can always come to me, if you feel any negative emotion or if you feel like… doing this again. Hyung… I really, really care about you and don’t want to see you hurt like this, so please, depend on me. Talk to me about everything. Don’t just swallow it all down and avoid talking…” He passionately and desperately spoke, wanting to get through to Jimin and to make clear that it was not his fault for feeling like this.

He was trying to search for ways to help Jimin and to make it all better, but he could not come up with anything and it frustrated him so much. Just knowing that this needed time and progress made Jungkook feel even more helpless than a newborn child.

“Kookie, I know that-,” Jungkook interjected. “No, you don’t.”

Jimin looked shocked because of the interruption, eyes wide and his hands on Jungkook’s arms tightening as he grabbed onto Jungkook’s shirt.

“You don’t know anything. You don’t know how much I really care about you.” He knew that his words were impactful and he knew that Jimin was definitely overwhelmed, but he could not hold himself back from saying it anymore.

“You don’t know how much the thought of you beating yourself up over everything kills me on the inside.

You don’t know how hard it is for me to endure the fact that I can’t just fix all of your problems overnight.

You don’t know how hard it is for me to just watch you try to get better without a guarantee that it will all be worth it in the end.

You don’t freaking know how much it pains me to see you hurt, especially since I love you so much that it could make me cry.

It’s so hard to know that I won’t be able to fix everything just with a few meaningful words, even if I want to. A-And I want you to be able to be happy so freaking much, Jiminie. You-.”

Jungkook did not say this because he felt obligated to say it.

No, he was sure that he loved Jimin and he was sure that he always wanted to be there for him, but he still needed him to know how freaking scared he was.

In his haze, he grabbed both of Jimin’s cheeks and pulled their faces close, pushing their foreheads together and enjoying just being this close. He needed the reassurance and knowledge that Jimin was there and breathing. Just seeing Jimin as pale and lifeless as now reminded him of the days back in the hospital and Jungkook would have never known that he would ever feel this fucked up.

“You are so fucking precious and perfect and it’s unbearable to me that you can’t realize that. The numbers on the scale don’t matter, just like the color of your hair or the color of your beautiful eyes. Even if there are some imperfections, those imperfections form the person who you are and make you so much more perfect in my eyes. I just… I need you to know that you can rely on me and talk to me because I love you so fucking much.”

Jimin was just staring at him.

Jungkook did not know what he was thinking of feeling and he was scared shitless.

What if he just fucked up everything?

What if he made everything worse?

What if-?

Then, Jimin quickly, gently cupped Jungkook’s cheeks in his hands and pulled him down to press their lips together.

The taller man was so baffled and uncomprehensive of the move at first that he did not know how to react, letting Jimin relax into the kiss as he stayed frozen. However, he soon relaxed and gave Jimin a kiss oh so tender and loving that he could feel Cupid metaphorically licking at his toes.

He could feel a flower of love and admiration bloom in his chest as he led the kiss, just brushing their lips together in such a domestic but also intense way that he nearly started crying again.

He wanted to express all of his pain and love and fears, wanted to enjoy this even if they had found themselves in such a low point of their lives. And Jimin’s hands on his cheek and neck were just as gentle and thorough, nearly as tender as Jungkook’s hands on his waists.

Their kisses lasted until they were short of breath and until they were forced to pull away from each other. They only pulled away an inch, so that they were still able to feel their breaths against each other’s faces and Jungkook watched how Jimin happily bit his bottom lip.

“We’re just at the start of your way on getting better. But I’ll always hold your hand and guide you, no matter how many mountains I’d have to climb and how many seas I’d have to swim through. I’ll always stand right next to you and help you face all of your struggles and fears and negative thoughts. Because I love you, Park Jimin. You won’t ever have to worry about going through this on your own with me by your side.”

And what Jungkook said was true.

He would always be there for Jimin.

Even if they were going to suffer along the way and even if it seemed like things were looking as bad as they were now. Jungkook did not have the reassurance that everything would be alright in the end, but there was one thing that he was sure of.

He would always be there for Jimin.