Chapter Text
He knew that he had made a mistake.
An error of which there would be no return, most likely. Not just one. A series of mistakes, one after another. He shouldn’t have let his nerves control him, shouldn’t retreat and fled from his responsibilities. Shouldn’t blame himself so much. Shouldn’t be afraid of making mistakes.
Shouldn’t make mistakes.
And, above of all, he shouldn’t have given up to his curiosity. Maybe, it was his biggest mistake, after all.
Do everything differently. Make the right choices.
It would be good.
Everyone spoke at the same time, with their voices mingling, exalted, and making a uniform and confused noise, that filled his ears, uncomfortable like the hiss of a non-frequency radio.
The young King was still sitting in his place, watching inattentively the familiar figures who had long ago forgotten their seats. It had begun as a pleasant discussion about the country’s situation and now seemed like some family dinner that had gone terribly wrong. Except there was no food on that table, a fact to mourn, cause it was already night and the boy’s stomach in his growing stage reminded him that he hadn’t eaten anything since the raspberries that he had stolen from the kitchen, with his daughter at afternoon.
But he could not fail, could he? He was the King. People trusted him and the decisions that he would make in the face of any difficulty. Perhaps this was a huge responsibility for a Japanese teenager that by the law wasn’t even old enough to drink alcohol. An entire nation’s future was in his hands, basically. In his hands, and in the hands of those around him, at that moment.
The wooden table was filled with maps, documents, parchments and a set of ink and feather. He was at the end of the table, with his generals, ministers, advisors, or whatever they should be formally appointed. Yuuri liked to call them just friends.
He tried to pay attention to the members of his court’s words, he really tried. Heard about random concepts in a larger context. Taxes. Export. Exchange rate. Commercial Agreements. Maritime transport. Political advantage. He knew this words and their meanings, even though it was not common in the daily life of the most people in his age, but it still didn’t make any sense to him at that moment, even if he was making the effort.
“What do you think about it, Yuuri?”
Yuuri looked up to see the amber orbs that were searching for him. He imagined that he must have looked stupid at the moment, but it was not like he could change that in time. Suddenly he felt that four more pairs of eyes looked at him closely. He cleared his throat, knowing that a coherent answer was needed.
“Well”. He got to his feet, trying to cross the turmoil of conflicting thoughts that plagued him, and form a thought that made sense, that could be turned into at least a full sentence. A decision was needed. He could not just leave all the work to others and leave it out whenever bigger problems arose. How could he call himself King when a simple economic agreement with another country already left him in such a conflict?
“I… I need to think.”
It was not exactly what he meant, but no one showed any contrary reaction. Yuuri felt something wither inside. What an expectation they would have, with a ruler so unprepared. Wishing he had something better to say to everyone, Yuuri sat back down, and the others did the same.
“It’s not like you need to make a decision now, Your Majesty,” Conrad spoke with him again, in that sympathetic-older-brother tone that Yuuri was already used to hearing in situations like this. He wanted to correct and tell Conrad to stop treating him with honorific titles since he was first of all his godfather, but Conrad went ahead before he could. "I know we seem uneasy at this unexpected proposal…”
“How could we not be uneasy ?” The youngest member of that court besides Yuuri himself, his self-proclaimed fiancee, seemed far beyond simple uneasiness. Wolfram was fully exalted, gesturing widely, his golden curls moving wildly around his porcelain face, all the more agitated. “Dhanavis is an absolutely distant country, across the ocean, with which we never kept any close contact. And, out of nowhere, does an official letter arrive, offering a mutual trade agreement? In a few days, an official representative of the country will appear here, and we need to have an answer to give him!”
“We need to analyze this proposal carefully.” The deep voice of the former Queen’s first child immediately stopped the younger brother. He was seriously considering the matter, making two more lines of expression appear on his forehead, adding to the others. “On one hand, it may be economically advantageous to open our ports to more distant countries, and bring one more nation as an ally, even if only in commercial basis at the beginning is always interesting”.
"I like to have allies…" Yuuri muttered more to himself, absorbing the conversation better now that the spirits had calmed down, and each one spoke at once.
“We need to check what this country has to offer in exchanging, nevertheless.” Wolfram retorted. “Why exactly they are interested in our harvest so suddenly? We have never been a country known for exportations, this interest seems very suspicious if you want my opinion”.
“Could it be because we have a… good wheat?” Yuuri tried.
“Not only the wheat, Your Majesty, but I am also almost certain that our whole harvest is of the highest quality!" Günter said, already very excited. “Everything that is cultivated in these lands blessed by the Great Shin'ou will flourish beautifully and bring prosperity to our beloved people!”
“However, do we have the production to cover the demand for exports to another country?” Conrad asked.
“Our lands have always been very fertile… as His Excellency von Christ reminds us every five minutes”. Gwendal completed before Günter felt tempted to interfere again. “Thus, I do not see why not increase our production to a level reasonable enough to expand our external reach. The rains are regular, the weather is favorable, and the peasants look healthy and satisfied. They will certainly accept the idea of selling the excess part of their production when we present it to them. It would be the most opportune moment for an economic and commercial investment of this size, in fact”.
“From the information we had obtained, Dhanavis is an influential country in offshore lands and is well known for its production of spices, sugar, and textiles. It would be advantageous for us to reach a free trade agreement considering that they are products of more difficult access in this part of the continent.” The only Asian besides the Maou himself, a reincarnation of the Great Sage and the King’s right hand for so many generations, Murata spoke thoughtfully as he stared at some of the papers in his hands.
“I do not deny that this seems to be an advantageous alliance for innumerable reasons, but-" The blond mazoku sighed, and lifted his eyes directly at Yuuri. Wolfram was sitting directly to his left, so they were really close to each other. His expression changed immediately, leaving the political mode, and back to being just Wolfram. Being stared so suddenly made young Maou shudder. “You can’t be naive, Yuuri. We don’t know what this country really wants, they might be planning something behind our backs!”
Yuuri doesn’t know what could be said. Everyone seemed divided between accepting Dhanavis' proposal or distrusting their intentions, and the decision on this agreement fell directly on him. Discuss the issue was getting nowhere. As a ruler, he was the one who should set out his opinion, and lead the way to the most consistent and correct decision. They said he should trust his instincts, but no answer came to his head.
It was not just a question of answering yes or no. There were many variables to consider. The prosperity of his people, or their protection? What if he ended up denying a genuine proposal, and this offended the other country in some way, still causing more diplomatic problems? What if he chose the wrong path?
Suddenly, Yuuri stood up. His stomach rolled, empty, twisting with nervousness and hunger. He looked at each of the beautiful faces that watched him, attentive to his every move. Wolfram, Conrad, Gwendal, Murata, and Günter. They waited for his words. They could not come to terms among themselves, and they trusted in his judgment. It was Maou's turn to speak.
“I…” Yuuri swallowed, his voice rough, almost unrecognizable. “I can’t think straight…” he admitted in defeat, his shoulders dropping in the same second. “Could you… leave me alone for a while? I just want to… I just want to make the right decision, you know?”
“Yuuri, we–”
“I know, Wolf.” He didn’t let the blonde finish his sentence. “But that’s my responsibility and I want to do my best. So… I just need some time to think, okay?” - He tried to smile but didn’t seem very sincere, even for him. “You don’t have to look for me, I'll be fine. When I get back, I'll have an answer, that's it. So ... Excuse me”.
Yuuri didn’t wait to see what would be the reaction to his words. He knew that it was not exactly the behavior expected of a King, but he could no longer stand in that room without knowing what to say.
Before he knew it, he was running.
He had never been to that part of the castle before.
It was night, and all the smooth stone corridors were plunged into complete darkness. Yuuri didn’t have a path in mind when he left the meeting room. He also didn’t care where his legs were taking him, but wherever he went he would face some of the guards scattered around the castle, and to have company was all he wanted to avoid at the moment.
Therefore, he began to avoid the usual paths, moving in any direction that seemed farther away. His head was confused, with so much to think about, and in his limited ability to visualize situations in general, it seemed a good idea to walk randomly through empty corridors and unused staircases, even if to only distract his mind for some time.
He shouldn’t have ventured alone into the castle when it was obvious that although he had lived there for such a long time, he was not yet familiar with all those confusing corridors and labyrinths. The place was so big that it wouldn’t be surprising if no one really knew it entirely - well, maybe Josak - and it was with some relief that, after following through unknown paths, Yuuri eventually found on the floors above the isolation he was looking for.
The corridor stretched long, though he could not see its end. No guard nearby, no illumination. It was hard to find a place as quiet and empty as the one inside the castle. On one side, the long windows like those that existed throughout the castle were covered with heavy dark curtains. On the other, only a continuous wall, without openings or any decoration. Yuuri pulled the curtain closer to the side, scattering powder accumulated over the years for air, which made his nose tingle. Moonlight outside encroached on space, and he could see better.
As expected, there was nothing around. He could just sit there, alone, and let his mind wander until an answer came to him. A divine light, guidance from the ancestors Maous, anything that gave him at least a sign that there was a way out of all that doubt. But who was he kidding? Nothing was so easy.
Although he had grown accustomed to the reality of being a King, at times like this he realized the truth from which he couldn’t escape: he was just a weak 16-year-old boy with no physical, mental or intellectual training to manage a whole country. He had only come so far because he always had the help of Conrad, Gwendal, and all the others.
Something unnamed and arduous weighed on his shoulders, and he didn’t know if he could handle the trust everyone put in him. He removed the blue pendant from his neck, the one that was the constant reminder of everything that had happened so that he was there, at that moment. And yet he was still lost. Maybe he should not be Maou after all.
He had thought of it so many times and always came to this conclusion. With the cord in his hand, he turned the stone, warmed by being always in contact with his skin, between hesitant fingers. As much as he had sometimes managed to get some success in his attempts to lead, on these occasions, he always depended on the help of others to do anything.
If only there was some way to know what consequences his decision would lead to. If he could see the future…
A noise startled him. Yuuri looked around. It seemed to have come from outside, but he was not sure. Suddenly, the loneliness provided by the place was no longer as comforting as it seemed at first, but he also did not intend to return to the others without having a resolution to the case. Apparently, he was completely alone in that place.
He stood, the stone still firm in his hand. There was a door at the end of the hall, which he had only noticed at that moment. Without much thought, Yuuri took a few steps. It might have been his impression, but he could have sworn he saw a dim light sneaking under the door. It would not be possible for anyone to be there, in that remote part of the castle, at that time of night, and he knew it. However, it was not hard to check, just to be sure.
The door was locked from the outside, there was no way to have anyone inside that place. Yuuri tested the lock. She was stiff from lack of use, but after a few attempts, she relented. The door opened with a shuffling noise that echoed widely down the hall. There was no light there. Only a spiral staircase leading up, surrounded by stone walls identical to all the others in the castle, occasionally punctuated with brackets to fit torches, which Yuuri did not have at the moment.
Since there was nothing there, Yuuri was about to close the door again and return to his personal reflection when he heard a short burst. It was like sparks from a bonfire bursting in the air, here and there, so far away that Yuuri thought it was his imagination, playing tricks again. But on top of it, he saw again that faint, slightly bluish illumination, which seemed to spread through the air until it disappeared.
The situation was a bit scary, he had to admit, and Yuuri had seen few horror movies in his life, but enough to know that he shouldn’t follow strange noises when he was alone in the dark. The wisest thing to do would be to seek help from someone or to warn any of the guards about what he had heard. Yuuri was aware of this, however, after the whole scene during the meeting, returning there scared and seeking help wasn’t the best prospect for him. It would only confirm to everyone how unprepared and unfit their leader was. Especially if at the end, there was nothing and he was just exaggerating in his perception.
He took a deep breath, gathering oxygen and all the courage he could, and started up the narrow staircase. He had barely climbed two steps and was already fantasizing about a reality where he captured a phantom invader alone. He couldn’t wait to see everyone's surprise when he proved what he could do. Wolfram would be so taken aback!
The cracklings echoed again, now much louder and closer. Yuuri hesitated, pausing in the middle of a step. He chewed his lower lip so he would not let a ‘who's there? ’ This was the second most foolish thing to do in situations like this, right after following random noises in the dark. Since he was already there, he continued, cautiously.
The spiral steps came to an end, and Yuuri found himself in front of an arched opening leading to a room. In the dark, Yuuri was not sure about its size. The walls seemed to be oval in shape, and from the landscape that he could see through the dusty stained glass of the windows that surrounded the whole room, it could only be some of the smaller towers on the top of the castle.
Yuuri realized that it was some kind of storage, or office, that had not been used for many years - centuries, perhaps. Shelves were scattered near the walls, furniture was thrown into a corner, some covered with sheets. There were stacks of books on the floor, and he noted with difficulty, many old maps, and parchments.
The flickering and fragile flickering permeated the whole room, casting a faint bluish glow on the floor, the walls and objects thrown randomly through space, and still reflected the dust that floated across the air indistinctly. For a few seconds, Yuuri wondered if he wasn’t dreaming, but the recent discussion in the conference room was still alive in his memory, and he could feel the change in the air around him, gradually colder. The feel of the place shivered in his skin, and that little fear rose, an insecurity that manifested itself and repeated without stopping that he should turn around, forget that place and that inexplicable light, and pretend that none of this had happened.
The sound of low clicks came up again, and Yuuri looked around, aware of any movement he might notice, but there was nothing. It was as if he were in a time-stationary place where sunlight never reached, and nothing ever happened. Behind one of the empty shelves, the glow became stronger, and it seemed to radiate even more as he approached.
Moved now more out of curiosity than anything else, Yuuri advanced to the piece of furniture and drew it back with some difficulty, making the wood scratch the floor with a noise too uncomfortable and too loud. There was a crack in the wall behind it, and the light increased, now really illuminating the place, and dimmed Yuuri's vision for a moment.
It was like a spotlight right on his face. For a while, Yuuri was bewildered, hiding his eyes closed with one arm, feeling only the comfortable warmth that emanated from that light. After all, it had not looked so bad. He tried to open his eyes but still couldn’t see anything. The light grew even more.
Before he knew what he was doing, he had taken two more steps, and the light absorbed him willingly. Yuuri dared not open his eyes anymore, and his mind spun as he was on his way from Shin Makoku, although the journey had become much calmer in recent times and he no longer remembered what it felt like to be being pulled, distorted, and then shrunk back into that sort of dimensional Star Tours. The sensation now was very similar, but there were no stars around. Or at least he didn’t think so.
There was only that clarity that insisted on invading his closed eyelids. His head weighed, and he figured he would lose consciousness at any second. His body grew tired, and he lost touch with the ground, with the air, and with anything that surrounded him. He hadn’t known where he was. His last thought, before losing his senses completely, was that perhaps he had made a mistake.