Chapter Text
The Issue (both figurative, and literal, in a printed sense) first comes up during one of their weekly coffee shop Best Friend Get Togethers.
Not the group activity name Shouto would have chosen, if given the choice, but he had not been offered one. Camie had come up with it; Inasa had loved it, Shouto had been skeptical, and Katsuki had threatened to kill them for daring to insinuate they were friends in the first place.
Perhaps the weirdest part was that the four of them were friends, had somehow fallen into that after those remedial courses and never quite drifted away. In the beginning, Shouto suspects much of it was himself, Inasa, and Katsuki keeping tabs on each other, and Camie finding their constant posturing to be the most hilarious. But over time it had developed into something more genuine. They might all still seem to the casual outside observer as though they couldn't stand each other, and that was mostly still true, but only because most of the friendship was built on seeing how extensively they could annoy each other before someone exploded, or caught fire, or blew away, or was plagued by illusions of their greatest fears.
(Because they all have fairly severe Greatest Fears, Camie usually goes for the second worst, like ghosts for Katsuki, or sea cucumbers for Shouto. Inasa does not have a secondary fear beyond failure that any of them know of, but he generally doesn't get on Camie's nerves as much as the other two do, so he's mostly safe from her quirk anyway.)
Inasa joins the other three at the table after a few minutes, delivering Katsuki's and Shouto's drinks to them. Camie is always early to the coffee shop; Shouto has never once arrived before her. It's like she inhabits the place, posted up at their usual table at the back of the cafe, furiously Tweeting away on her phone with immaculate nails. The other three usually arrive together, and Inasa knows their drink orders by heart, but is still always eager to prove it, even years into the routine.
He gleefully refuses to give Katsuki his black coffee until Katsuki says thank you. Inasa isn't scared of him in the slightest; none of them are, which is probably why they're all such good friends. Shouto watches Katsuki practically climb into Inasa's lap to snatch his drink from him as Inasa laughs heartily at his futile attempts. Katsuki never grew much taller after high school, and Inasa is like a giant to him, keeping the cup aloft, well out of his reach, while Katsuki rages at him ineffectively.
"I said thanks already, you shitty giant! How loud do you want me to say it?"
"I heard you," Inasa finally relents, "but you're so fiery when you get worked up! I like it!"
Katsuki gapes at him like a fish, his face going red with something other than anger. Inasa pushes his drink into his hands then, still smiling, as though pleased he has managed to render Katsuki silent. Shouto looks away from the two of them, but then Inasa is pulling him into it, saying,
"Shouto always says thank you right away, and I can feel his sincerity every time!"
Shouto looks up at him to find Inasa smiling down at him, the full force of his grin like a blinding searchlight pointed right at Shouto. Shouto wonders if he's finding anything, or if he's entirely oblivious. Knowing Inasa, he's got no idea.
"That's because I appreciate it," Shouto says.
"I know," Inasa tells him. "That's why I got you extra whipped cream and cinnamon."
"That's favoritism!" Katsuki hisses, as Shouto opens his cup to see that there is, indeed, an extra helping of all his favorite things inside.
He flushes, feeling inordinately pleased. "Thank you. Again."
Inasa drops into the seat next to him, and puts a large hand on top of his head, ruffling his hair briefly. "It's not favoritism," he says to Katsuki. "I just know how to make you both act cute!"
He announces this as an outright boast. Katsuki grumbles, but he takes a sip of his scalding coffee and seems perfectly happy. He doesn't like sugar, but he does like it hot, and Inasa knows this as well.
"Have you guys seen this?" Camie asks suddenly, digging something out of her bag. It's a magazine—a familiar publication, one they've all had a bit too much familiarity with lately. Camie slaps it down on the table, open to a half page story within its pages, staring at them all expectantly as they take in the article. Katsuki takes one look and lets out a fairly inhuman snarling noise. This piques Shouto's interest, and not in a good way.
The title of the article is grimly hilarious.
'GROUND ZERO: Reliable? Or Re-Liability?'
"Uh oh," Shouto says.
"Shut up," Katsuki growls.
"I didn't say anything yet."
"I know what you were going to say!"
"Bakugou," Inasa says, staring with an intense frown at the article, "didn't you tell us last time this happened that you'd make sure there wouldn't be any more unfavorable stories written about you in the news?"
Katsuki kicks the table so hard all their coffee cups rattle, slamming himself back into a slump in his chair. Shouto can see his jaw working, he's grinding his teeth so hard.
This is absolutely what Shouto was about to say, and also likely what Katsuki expected him to say, but now Inasa has said it, which works out well. It means Shouto doesn't have to point out what they already all know. Inasa is very good at doing that. This many years into knowing each other, Katsuki barely gets mad about it—it's pointless, because that's just how Inasa is.
"Well?" Camie points at the article. "What do you have to say for yourself?"
"I ain't got anything to say for myself, 'cuz this bullshit rag went and said it all, didn't they?" Katsuki says poisonously. "Also, shut up, Camie, you're enjoying this way too much."
"I'm enjoying it, like, the right amount."
"You sound like my fuckin' mom—what do you have to say for yourself? I don't need two blonde hags all up in my ass, thanks."
Bullshit rag is one way of putting it, Shouto supposes. It's a popular hero magazine that's a step up from the tabloids, and like a bulldog with a bone, they've latched onto Katsuki as their favorite un-favorite. Over the past year, he's been in several articles, each examining his actions with the same kind of critical overscrutiny. Their claims tend to veer into the trumped up and ridiculous, but given their readership (and very active Twitter following), they've slowly been spreading the word that Ground Zero is an unlikable, degenerate young amateur.
Shouto, who is scanning the article rather than listen to Katsuki and Camie nag each other, nearly chokes on his bubble tea. "You assaulted one of their reporters?"
"A civilian?" Inasa asks, aghast. "It's our sworn duty to protect them!"
"Well, obviously it sounds bad when you put it that way," Katsuki says.
"I'm not putting it any way, I'm literally reading the article." Shouto finds his spot again. "It says he entered the clean up zone to question some of the witnesses, and when he didn't step back, you shoved him."
"They only told his half of the damn story!" Katsuki protests.
"What's your half?" Shouto asks.
Katsuki fumes silently, but Shouto doesn't push him. Inasa does open his mouth, likely about to launch into a speech about honor and decency, but Shouto gives him a look, the one that means we need to be understanding of the fact that Katsuki processes feelings at the pace of the continents shifting so be quiet and let him talk. Inasa knows this look very intimately at this point, and where once it might have sailed over his head, he now closes his mouth and waits.
"We had just gotten a bunch of hostages free of the building," Katsuki finally says, words ground through his teeth. "This… asshat starts firing questions at them. Half of 'em could barely talk yet. I told him to back off, but he kept trying to talk to this one girl, shouting at her—she started crying, so I shoved him. Too hard, I guess." He scratches the back of his neck with the bare minimum amount of remorse. "I guess he had to get stitches in one hand or something…"
Shouto sighs. Damn. This is not a mockable offense, but is instead completely admirable and what's more, distressingly heroic (besides the whole assault-leading-to-stitches thing). Camie coos and tries to pinch Katsuki's cheek; he slaps her hand away. Next to Shouto, Inasa has gotten choked up.
"They're misrepresenting him on purpose for a story!" he says, banging his hand on the table. The drinks rattle again.
"That's what the media does," Shouto says mildly, continuing on reading the article.
"They don't understand his passion. His fire!" Inasa clenches his huge hands into fists. "They're acting like he's just some brute!"
"To be fair, that's basically what Katsuki looks like to the casual observer," Camie notes, slurping her iced coffee.
"That's kind of the problem, though," Shouto murmurs, pretending not to hear the sounds of Katsuki attempting to murder Camie across the table from him.
"Their ignorance?" Inasa asks.
"No… well, kind of, but not because they're being unfair," Shouto says. He reads over a statement from Best Jeanist's agency. Katsuki is a sidekick there for the time being (he hates being a sidekick). The agency has stated they believed Katsuki's actions were done to protect people in his charge, but proper disciplinary actions would be taken. "Bakugou, did Hakamata talk to you about this?"
"Yeah, he did," Katsuki grunts. "So what?"
"So, what'd he say?"
"I don't know, he's always spouting bullshit," Katsuki says. He thuds his elbows down on the table and folds his arms. "He said he gets why I did it, but that it's too many incidents in a short period of time, so the next one…"
"The next one what?" Camie asks, eyes wide.
"He said the next time they'll have to put me on probation!" Katsuki snaps. "Happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear?"
The three of them stare at him, stunned.
"Not really," Camie says. "Dude, that majorly sucks."
"Yeah, you're fucking tellin' me," Katsuki says. "So you can all quit acting like I'm trying to get written up, because I'm not."
"We know!" Inasa says instantly, beating Shouto to it.
"But they don't care," Shouto says, thumping the paper. "And they love having this image of you to run with. It doesn't matter what you do, they'll just drum it up into the worst case scenario. And you don't really do yourself any favors, Bakugou." Katsuki directs an ugly sneer at him, which is exactly what Shouto is talking about. "You need better publicity."
"Great suggestion," Katsuki says, "would have never thought of that without you here to impart so much wisdom."
"I'm not talking run of the mill stuff," Shouto says.
Katsuki is already doing far more fan meets than he'd normally have agreed to, along with a bunch of advertisements for things managers typically refer to as "non-threatening" products, like shampoo, and men's hand lotion, and animal shelters.
Oh. Hmm…
"Maybe you need a pet…" Shouto muses.
"A pet!" Inasa repeats, immediately and adorably excited. "Like a cute dog!"
Camie nods. "Totally. He can take it on walks and stuff, so people get lots of pictures of how sweet he is with it!"
"How the fuck is that going to—"
"Exactly," Shouto says. "He needs a pet, something noticeable. Big, loud, overly friendly, and always happy…"
He trails off slowly, as the clearest and arguably best solution flashes in front of his eyes. The only trouble with it is that it would mean…
The others are all staring at him, but he can't stop himself from hesitating. If Shouto proposes this, it could change everything, and there will be no going back. But a probation for Katsuki this early in his career could mean an early death sentence for his future as a pro hero. Shouto knows him too well, at this point, and cares too much to let that happen; especially not when Katsuki was just doing his best to try and help someone.
He looks at Katsuki, who is glaring impatiently. Shouto can see the frayed nerves beneath all the grumpy bluster.
"You have to date Inasa," he says.
There's total silence for a good five seconds. Then Katsuki wheezes, sputtering out a stunned,
"What?"
Shouto blazes forward. "Think about it. You do need… a morality pet, sort of. But a dog can't be interviewed about what a great, perfect hero you are. So what you actually need… is a significant other. Someone who—who knows you and likes you enough to take one for the team."
He glances at Inasa. True to form, Inasa does not look offended at being referred to as the potential candidate for Katsuki's conscience. Instead, his eyes are wide, and his cheeks are slightly flushed.
Shouto guessed right, then.
"I'll do it!" Inasa proclaims instantly, and loudly, and this is exactly what Shouto is talking about. Inasa is utterly guileless, and devoted on top of it. He would go to the ends of the earth for any of them, and so he's the perfect person to convince Katsuki.
"W-wait, wait," Katsuki says. "Are you guys—fucking crazy? Have you lost your minds?"
Camie has not weighed in, yet. She's staring pointedly at Shouto. He ignores her.
"I know it's drastic, but…" Shouto sighs. "Look, Bakugou, I'm worried."
"I'm not asking you to be worried about me!" Katsuki says, enraged.
"I know you're not, but someone has to be," Shouto tells him. "The last few incidents weren't even that bad—it was normal shit, property damage, some thoughtless interview replies—"
"Screw you," Katsuki says, but he sounds weary, like he can't deny this. "I put a lot of thought into telling people they can fuck off in my interviews."
"My point is, they have a target painted on your back," Shouto tells him. "And this probation can't be far off if things keep going the way they are. Jeanist's hands are tied, but ours aren't. And everyone loves Inasa."
That much is true. Inasa is the most popular hero out of all of them, in terms of fan approval. Gale Force is widely beloved by many for his boisterously happy persona, as well as his determination and skill, and none of it is put on. Inasa is just genuine all of the time. He's the perfect person to sway people's opinions of Katsuki.
"I want to do it," Inasa tells Katsuki. He leans down to try and catch Katsuki's eye. Katsuki's nostrils flare. "Bakugou. I want to help. I know you don't like that, but I won't let them say these things about you! I hate that more than I care about you being annoyed with me! So let's try this! I think it's a good plan. Please just consider—"
"FINE," Katsuki says, "god, stop talking, for once! Christ, this is a stupid idea."
"No one will expect it," Shouto says. And it's true. These are steps Katsuki never would have arrived at on his own. Even though… well. Even though he probably should have.
Katsuki looks at him then, catches his eye. "You know me, too," he says. Shouto's heart starts to race, and he wonders if Katsuki could possibly suspect something. Then Katsuki says, "So if you really think this might work, then… okay."
Shouto blinks. Well. That was easier than he'd expected, at any rate—which also confirms more suspicions he's had for awhile, but he won't say anything about that yet. For now, the plan is forming, and any time they can get Katsuki to agree to a harebrained scheme with little resistance is a blessing Shouto won't risk questioning.
"Yeah, I do," he says with a nod.
"Yes!" Inasa says triumphantly. "What's the first step of the plan?"
Shouto hasn't thought that far ahead. "Uh…"
"How the hell do people—" Katsuki wrinkles his nose. "What do people do when they're dating?" He says "dating" like it's a curse word.
Simultaneously, all three of them turn to look at Camie, who has still refrained from comment. She takes another sip of coffee, and then asks, "Are you sure about this?"
She looks at Shouto when she says it, so he just answers for all of them. "Yes."
She sighs. "Alriiiight… then, fortunately, you three idiots have come to the master."
Relieved, Shouto listens to her as she pulls out a pen and starts to outline a plan of attack on one of the coffee shop napkins. He's relieved for multiple reasons—that they have a way to stem the tide of Katsuki's reckless attitude problem, that Inasa is being such a good sport (as usual), and that Camie is there to help their clueless asses out.
But he's also relieved that Camie didn't bust him; because she's the only one who knows he's in love with Katsuki and Inasa.
And he also knows they're in love with each other.