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“What did you want to talk to me about, Dazai?” Atsushi asked with a reservation that was exclusive to his interactions with Dazai, wary of the man's tendency for mischief.
Dazai angled his head so he could look at Atsushi without pulling it back into the room. His body, half in half out from where he sat on the windowsill, was painted in soft orange from the sunset outside.
“There's a storm coming, isn't there?” Dazai commented, humming to himself. His eyes were back on the sky already, body tilting just a little further out.
Atsushi had to swallow his anxiety at the sight of Dazai perched there so precariously, swaying with the wind. Despite his effort, the worry remained;there was no way for it not to, considering the kind of person Dazai was.
“There is?” Atsushi asked, peering out of the window to confirm it. As it turns out, there were in fact heavy gray clouds gathering in the horizon.
“Yup! Brewing storms have a certain smell to it, you know?” Dazai still wasn't looking at him, but Atsushi could imagine the kind of expression he was making.
(The one with the little smile, the one that seemed to tell Atsushi that Dazai knew him to the core of his soul.)
“Do they? I never noticed such a thing…” Atsushi took in a deep breath, hoping to capture the smell Dazai was referring to.
“You could say it takes a special sixth sense to pin it down.” There was amusement in Dazai's voice.
Atsushi made a face at him. “Did you just want to talk about the weather? This way Kunikida is going to think I'm slacking off too!”
“I wonder.”
“Seriously, you…” Atsushi scratched the back of his neck, a bit put off by Dazai's cryptic attitude. He really should've gotten used to it by now, and yet.
Atsushi waited a second more, waited for a response, maybe an explanation. The silence stretched; Atsushi watched Dazai, Dazai watched the world with…
Atsushi wasn't sure what, but when Dazai finally put his head back in and smiled, his hair and face were framed by a halo of fire, orange and red merging with his skin. And his eyes had to something to it that Atsushi couldn't grasp.
He swallowed, then opened his mouth, “Dazai—”
“Atsushi.”
The new voice startled Atsushi, and he jumped at the sound of it. Kyouka, with whom he had been previously been talking to, blinked at him. Ah, yes, he did excuse himself to talk to Dazai in the middle of their conversation.
(It should be relief filling him for the interruption, as his words had been laced with meanings Atsushi wasn't aware of, even when they were about to come out.
And yet, his chest ached with a hollow pang.)
“Ah, sorry, Kyouka! I'm coming! Excuse me,” he said to Dazai, hurriedly glancing at him to confirm it was okay to leave their brief exchange behind.
Once again, Dazai was no longer looking at him. He made a noise that Atsushi supposed was affirmation, a hand waving in lazy dismissive motions.
A little hesitant, Atsushi walked away, joining Kyouka again. Something about his conversation with Dazai bothered him, a deep sense of wrongness that left him feeling off. But, as it was, Atsushi didn't have the means to find answers to it, much less when Dazai was on one of his weird moods.
Instead, he let himself be dragged back into the rhythm of the Agency, getting working done and chatting with his colleagues. He had been so distracted by it that, when the thought of Dazai pops back up into his mind, the sun is already gone and everyone is stretching with incomprehensible mumbles, ready to go home after the day at work.
Atsushi raises his eyes from his desk, wandering to Dazai's empty one, then back to the window he had been sitting on earlier. It's empty now, and a soft but chilly breeze comes in. Atsushi shudders.
“Ah, Kunikida, have you seen Dazai?” Atsushi asked when the blond passed him by.
Kunikida contorted his face into a a displeased frown. “Probably taking a nap on the couch again.”
“You didn't go after him?”
“No,” Kunikida huffed, adjusting his glasses. “It's fine this time, I suppose.”
Atsushi let out an incredulous puff of air, muttering a “good work today” when Kunikida did the same, walking to the door and leaving Atsushi in a state of confusion.
“That was… A little weird,” he mumbled to himself. Atsushi sighed and decided to brush it aside, turning to look for Kyouka. They should be heading home by now.
However, Atsushi barely opened his mouth to say the girl's name when a touch to his wrist cut him off. Atsushi snapped his head back, to the hand around his wrist, and up to Dazai's smiling face.
“Hey, Atsushi, come with me for a bit?”
“Huh?”
Dazai tugged him towards the exit, not even waiting for Atsushi to get over his initial confusion. Dazai only stopped when he had a hand on the doorknob, turning to look past Atsushi’s head.
“Is that okay, Kyouka?” His smile curled further up. “I promise to get him home safely.”
Kyouka nodded. “I'll see you home, Atsushi.”
She waved to them like a mother sending her children off, which, honestly, was kind of a weird mental image.
Atsushi didn't even get to reply before Dazai was taking him away with a sort of excited hurry, his steps quick and echoing as they walked down the corridor and out the Agency.
“W-Wait, where are we going?!” Atsushi tried to slow down the pace a bit, planting his feet on the pavement—for all the good that did, as all it accomplished was getting himself dragged like a petulant child throwing a tantrum.
“That's a secret! Don't be so impatient, you'll find out soon!”
“That doesn't comfort me at all!”
Dazai only winked at him, then went back to focusing on making his way to wherever he had decided to take Atsushi. On one side, Dazai seemed to be in higher spirits, but on the other hand… Well, let's just say Atsushi was fearing for his life.
At a loss for words, Atsushi remained quietly and, uncharacteristically, so did Dazai. His wrist was still being held by Dazai, and his attempts to get free only resulted in their palms getting closer to touching, so he gave up on the fruitless effort.
Even if it burned.
Atsushi looked up at the gray clouds above, now completely covering the sky, and wondered what he was getting himself into.
“Doesn't it look like it's gonna rain soon…?” Atsushi wondered out loud. “We should buy an umbrella.”
“It's fine, it's fine!”
“It's not! What if it rains and we get a cold?” Atsushi wouldn't be able to bear the guilt of getting one of the Agency's best down with a nasty cold.
“Like I said, it's gonna be fine!” Dazai laughed, and Atsushi truly, honestly hated his carefreeness sometimes.
“Dazai!”
The other came to a stop and Atsushi, who hadn't been expecting it, crashed onto Dazai's side, his nose hitting a shoulder with a thud.
He rubbed his face, muttering complaints and trying to look down at his own nose to check for any injuries.
“ Like I said ,” Dazai insisted, “we're already here, don't worry.”
Atsushi looked up, hands covering half his face, and let out a muffled question mark. He looked around, then to the entrance Dazai was gesturing to. Now that he looked at it, it seemed like a backdoor, the kind they would have for employees to easily come in and out.
But, employees of what, exactly?
“You don't look very impressed,” Dazai commented, clicking his tongue. “Well, that can't be helped. It is what's inside that matters, after all.”
Dazai opened the door and held it open, gesturing for Atsushi to come in. He must have let his skepticism show on his face, as Dazai openly laughs.
“Please, don't make that face like the door will explode on you!” Dazai pouted, giving Atsushi puppy eyes. “Don't you trust me, Atsushi?”
“I do, but not on situations like these…”
“Such a sincere answer.”
Dazai, maybe getting impatient or just to prove his innocence, entered ahead of Atsushi, disappearing into whatever room was inside. He popped his head back out.
“Aren't you coming?”
Atsushi sighed, but hurried to follow after Dazai, telling himself it was only to keep him out of trouble, not because Dazai had told him to.
(Truth was, Atsushi was always eager to please; with Dazai, however, it was special. Almost like a virus, itching under his skin, and he could never truly refuse him.)
Atsushi got to see what appeared to be a staff room, with a table in the center and various lockers lining the walls, before he was being dragged faster than he could keep up with once more.
Atsushi tripped over his feet and yelped when he almost lost his balance. Atsushi clutched Dazai's sleeve for support, snapping his head up with annoyance.
“You don't need to do that every single time—!” Atsushi had to stop himself.
So distracted by his near fall, Atsushi had failed to take notice of his surroundings. At first, he's greeted by a incoherent blue scenery.
Then, as his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw—
“Fishes?”
“Have you ever been to an aquarium, Atsushi?” Dazai let go of Atsushi and, once he did, Atsushi walked to one of the walls like in a trance. He shook his head absentmindedly. “Yeah, that's what I thought.”
The lights shining on them, the fish swam lazily in the water. Atsushi, for his part, was baffled by the sheer size of the tanks and the amount of animals living in them.
“Come here, you'll like to see this,” Dazai called out, having moved without Atsushi noticing.
Too awestruck to even think of defying him, Atsushi followed Dazai, eyes looking everywhere as he walked. Dazai stopped not long after, raising his eyebrows when he found Atsushi distracted by the aquarium at large.
“Look down,” Dazai prompted.
When he did so, Atsushi gasped and raised a foot like he was going to jump away. Dazai laughed at his reaction, and Atsushi hid embarrassment by keeping his eyes down.
“This is pretty, but a little scary…” Atsushi looked through the glass to where a fish had stopped to peer up at him with curiosity. “This won't break, right?”
“Of course not, it wouldn't be an attraction in an aquarium if it did, right?”
“I suppose,” Atsushi muttered, cautiously lowering his foot back down.
Once feeling (a little bit) safer, Atsushi walked through the tunnel, glancing up at the ceiling, which was also filled with water.
“It's like being on the ocean floor, but. Not,” Atsushi articulated, tripping over his words.
“Yes, you are right. Even if your way of saying it wasn't great,” Dazai teased, clearly amused by the blush appearing on Atsushi’s cheek.
“Shush.”
They wandered around for awhile, not really walking side by side, but making conversation as they went.
He'd look at the signs detailing the many species present at the place, then stop to watch them swim. When he had a question, he'd look up at Dazai, eyes full of amazement.
And every single time, Dazai would already be looking back.
Atsushi squirmed under his gaze, uncomfortable with the something scratching at his throat to be let out. Atsushi swallowed it down, but even so…
Even so.
“I’d take you to pet the stingrays, but with no one here, it might be a little dangerous.” Dazai tilted his head. “Unless you want to risk a death with me?”
“Of course not!”
“C’mon, don't you think it'd be almost poetic to die in a place like this, Atsushi?” He pouted.
“No, please stop saying things like that.”
Dazai clicked his tongue. “Spoilsport.”
Dazai's usual antics had distracted him from the thought, but now that he reflected on it, wasn't the circumstances of their visit a bit odd?
“Hey, Dazai?” He hummed in reply. “Should we be here at this time? I mean, this place is obviously closed, you know.”
“You only thought of that now?” Dazai giggled, while Atsushi ignored the accusatory tone of his voice. “Relax, I called in some favors, we're fine.”
“Why go that far, couldn't we have come at daytime?”
Dazai tapped lightly one of the glass walls, seemingly amused by a fish who quickly scattered at the noise.
“Why, I wonder.”
“Again with that kind of answer.” Atsushi sighed and looked away, unsatisfied with the response.
Trying to deflect his annoyance, Atsushi looked at a seahorse, amazed by the little creature since it was his first time seeing one.
“Maybe I just wanted to monopolize you for a bit.”
He blinked. The seahorse swam. The plants swayed in the water.
“...Huh?”
“That's quite the face you're making!” Dazai chuckled. “Is it really that shocking?”
“No— I— What…. Did you say…?”
“Geez, Atsushi, you shouldn't space out so much, you know, pay attention when I talk to you!”
Atsushi stared and stared and stared , until it felt like his eyes might fall out of their sockets. Dazai raised his eyebrows at him.
“Like I said, don't look so surprised!” Dazai sighed loudly, running a hand through his hair. Dazai leaned against the wall behind him, head cocked to the side. “I was a little jealous.”
“Of what?”
“You, of course.”
Dazai looked at him from the corner of his eyes, expression serious. Atsushi felt something solid and burning make its way up his body, past his gut, into his veins.
Atsushi tried to swallow it all down, but even so , at moments like these, it felt like he was already bursting at the seams.
“Me?” He squeaked out.
“Yup! You are so popular now, it's so unfair, there's always someone talking to you. Did you forget your mentor already?!” Dazai huffed, but he immediately brightened up with a grin. “And I thought, ‘aah, it'd be so nice to have Atsushi all to myself’. I couldn't shake that thought away!”
Dazai chuckled, his theatrics dropping, giving way to a soft but guarded expression.
“Even if it was just this once, it was enough, I thought.”
Atsushi had a millions things he wanted to say, and double that in thoughts swarming his mind.
But standing there, he could only look, take Dazai in: the delicate blue hue tinging his cheeks, sharpening his feature but softening them at the same time. He could only look at that smile that seemed almost to ache, to hurt his cheek, but was still such a gentle thing.
He could only think of everything he knew about Dazai, and all the ones he was yet to find out. Outside, he could hear the rain singing them a melody.
And finally, he could only process how beautiful Dazai looked, and the balloon growing in his chest, the feelings carefully kept together for months and months coming down like an unstoppable current.
When Atsushi finally spoke, it was without thinking, a desire that bubbled up to the surface before any rational thoughts could stop it.
“Can I kiss you?”
Dazai raised his head, eyes widened in a rare show of surprise. Atsushi, who hadn't meant to ever say that out loud, curled into himself, pressing his palms to his burning cheeks, refusing to look at Dazai.
“I’m so sorry, I—”
“Don't be,” Dazai's voice was calm and low and much, much closer . A hand touched his, causing Atsushi to jolt. “Don't be sorry.”
Dazai gently hooked two fingers under Atsushi’s to pry his hands away. Without the cover, Atsushi felt horribly exposed. Dazai's eyes, usually a warm brown, was turned into black holes in the low light, pulling Atsushi and pinning him down, impossible to escape.
“Atsushi,” Dazai whispered, “kiss me.”
And truly what a terrible habit he had of hanging onto Dazai's every word, as he lids fluttered shut despite the growing panic threatening to overtake him.
When Dazai touched his cheek, however, thumb caressing just over a bone, it all melted away, as he could do nothing more than feel. He shivered when fingers slipped down his neck, then up into his hair.
When Dazai pulls him forward, Atsushi goes willingly, readily, falling into Dazai's arm and holding him tightly. He'd feel embarrassed about clinging to Dazai like this, but Dazai's lips are chapped and gentle on his, and Atsushi can't bring himself to focus on anything more than that.
For many seconds, Atsushi doesn't breathe at all, but Dazai cups his cheek and tilts his head back and he gasps. He breaths in, then lets it all out shakily. Pressing closer to Dazai, opening his mouth so they fit like perfect puzzle pieces, his lungs still burn.
“Dazai…” He breathes out, fists clenching and trembling on the fabric of Dazai's coat.
Dazai kisses the corner of his mouth, his eyes fluttering in a butterfly kiss. Atsushi giggles at the new sensation, leaning into Dazai's caress.
“I didn't think you'd be so bold,” Dazai commented against the shell of his ear.
“Please, don't remind me.”
Dazai chuckled, pulling back just so he could kiss Atsushi again, little and fleeting pecks to his lips that made Atsushi dizzy and caused him to instinctively follow after Dazai when he moved away.
“Atsushi?” Atsushi, who had been happily spacing out in Dazai's arms, looked up.
“Yes?”
“Not to spoil the mood, but we might need to run now.”
“What?” Just as he said this, footsteps echoed down the hall, coming closer in their direction. “Dazai!”
Looking suspiciously unsurprised, Dazai hurried back out the path they had walked before, running with Atsushi once again being dragged by his wrist.
“I thought you said they let you in!”
Dazai looked back at him with a toothy grin. “I lied.”
The backdoor slammed behind them, at the same time droplets of water fell on their head. Atsushi looked up at the cloudy sky, getting assaulted by cold and fast falling rain.
“We should have gotten that umbrella after all,” Dazai yelled over the noise.
“Now you say that?!”
Dazai laughed, pulling them towards a safe place, some large enough ledge they could stand under and wait out the rain.
Atsushi couldn't stop himself from joining in, giggles turning into full on laughter, feeling warm even as the rain raged on.
By the time they stopped, they were panting and out of breath, Atsushi clutching his side for the pain of laughing for too long.
“Seriously, I can't believe you,” Atsushi said tiredly.
“Don't tell me you didn't have fun?”
“I might have had a heart attack, really.”
Atsushi straightened up, slumping against the wall. This time, when he realized Dazai's hand still on him, Atsushi shyly shuffled so their hands were connected instead.
Dazai held on to him with comforting firmness. “Do you like the rain, Atsushi?”
“Ah, hm…” He watched the puddles tremble with each drop of rain, the reflection of their feet trapped in them. “I'm not sure, I suppose.”
Dazai nodded, not commenting on it.
“What about you, Dazai?”
Dazai wrung some water out of his coat and shook his hand dry before speaking again.
“There's a certain calmness to it, doesn't it?” Dazai looked up at the clouds and shrugged. “It somehow feels like something is about to happen when it rains.”
Atsushi scooted closer to Dazai, seeking out his warmth when a gust of wind made him shake. Peering up at him from this close, Atsushi could see the raindrops clinging to Dazai's eyelashes and hair.
When he turned to look back at Atsushi, smiling, a few of them fell, like its own little rain.
Atsushi smiled back. “I think I don't mind the storm.”