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It started when Hux collapsed on the bridge near the end of his shift. Fortunately, Kylo had been there and, sensing what was coming moments before it happened, was able to cushion Hux’s fall with the Force and prevent him from hurting himself. Of course, that didn’t stop the panic surging through Kylo’s veins as he snapped at the bridge crew to alert medical before he scooped Hux up and rushed him there. He felt so light in Kylo’s arms, so fragile compared to when he was standing in front of his troops with steel in his spine. It made Kylo’s heart clench and his legs work all the harder to make sure Hux was okay.
Hux was just starting to wake when Kylo arrived at the medbay, chest heaving as he gently placed Hux on the stretcher they had prepared for him. His eyes fluttered open as Kylo set him down, though he was still clearly unaware of what had happened or where he was. Kylo followed the medical crew to the private room at the back, needing to know Hux was okay before he could bring himself to leave.
Fortunately, it hadn’t been major, just a combination of exhaustion and low blood sugar, not enough sleep and food mixed with too much stress. The medical officer had looked resigned as she’d reported it, as if she wasn’t at all surprised and it had only been a matter of time before this happened. Kylo wondered if perhaps she was right; Hux had always spread himself too thin and Kylo was more aware than anyone of just how much he pushed himself.
Hux, however, hadn’t been grateful once he awoke proper. He’d snapped at the medical officers and at Kylo, insisting it wasn’t anything serious and demanding that he be released immediately. Kylo had pressed his lips together, trying not to argue. Hux fainting, especially on the bridge in front of the crew, was not a normal occurrence. He let the medical officers try to get through to Hux but, alas, Hux would not be swayed and maintained that it was absolutely nothing to worry about.
Since the argument for Hux’s own wellbeing from the medical officers had fallen on deaf ears, Kylo thought the potential embarrassment and questions about his abilities would be enough to convince Hux to take this seriously. It was far from what Kylo wanted to say, wishing Hux would put more importance on his own health than the purely theoretical social consequences that were unlikely to begin with, but he also knew it was the only thing that might have an effect. When Kylo made his point, it made Hux pause and frown, though it didn’t get him to admit Kylo was right and that he needed to take better care of himself.
In the end, it was enough for Hux to submit to an IV to be safe and then the medbay sent him off with orders to remain on light duties for the rest of the week. Hux wasn’t happy about that, but it could’ve been worse; Kylo suspected Hux may have shot someone if they’d tried to put him on bed rest. As it stood, it was up to Kylo to enforce the lightened duties, given he was the only one with the rank to do so and, according to the medic’s surface thoughts, the one who was least likely to die trying.
As soon as they arrived back to Hux’s quarters – though, really, it was essentially their shared quarters now – Hux sent a message out assuring everyone he was fine and would be back for his shift in the morning. Kylo was half-expecting a rant, but Hux just sat on his couch and poked angrily at his datapad, apparently having gotten it all out of his system earlier in the medbay. That was a plus, at least. Kylo was still wound up and anxious from the fear when Hux had first collapsed and he didn’t think he had it in him to even attempt to be the level-headed one for once.
The next task would be to make sure Hux ate and Kylo had every intention of fulfilling that, but he needed to settle himself first before he could even consider cooking. He sat on the couch, close enough to Hux that their thighs were touching, and then wrapped his arms around Hux’s waist, pulling him close. Hux huffed but didn’t resist, letting Kylo hold him and feel his warmth, the life that flooded through his veins. After what had happened earlier, Kylo needed this and he liked to think that Hux appreciated it too.
They sat like that for a time, Hux slowly relaxing deeper into Kylo’s embrace as he worked, before Kylo finally asked, “What do you want for dinner, baby?”
Hux shrugged. “You know I don’t particularly care. After that stint in medbay, I have so much to catch up on, I don’t know if I’m going to have time for it.”
Kylo narrowed his eyes. “Are you really trying to skip a meal? After what happened earlier?”
He felt Hux sigh against him. “Fine, make me whatever you want. I promise I’ll sit long enough to eat it. Happy?”
“Yes,” Kylo said immediately, planting a wet kiss on Hux’s cheek and ignoring the indignant noise he got in response. “If you’re not going to take care of yourself, then I’ll just have to do it.”
As Kylo stood and made his way to the kitchen, he could just barely hear Hux mutter, “I would’ve had a protein bar.”
Kylo shook his head, smiling a little at Hux’s grumbling. It was at least a good sign that Hux agreed to eat; perhaps even he realized he was pushing himself too far. Deciding to give Hux extra incentive to continue cooperating, Kylo got to work preparing a pasta dish with seafood he knew was one of Hux’s favourites. As much as the mess hall was available at any time of day, Kylo liked cooking when he had the time and especially enjoyed doing so for Hux. It felt good to do something nice for him, to show him even a little bit of the care he deserved.
Making dinner was a relatively quick affair and soon enough, Kylo was placing two plates at the small table they used whenever they ate here. Hux was still buried in his datapad, seemingly entirely unaware of the smell of food wafting around them. As much as it could be frustrating sometimes, that singular focus was one of the things Kylo loved about Hux.
“Hux,” he called, not sitting down yet just in case, “you said you’d eat.”
Hux’s fingers tapped on the datapad a few more times and then he powered it down, setting it on the couch and muttering something unintelligible as he got up. Whatever it was, though, Kylo didn’t care as long as Hux ate. Kylo had already decided it was going to be his personal mission to ensure that an incident like earlier never happened again.
Hux’s eyes widened a little when he sat at the table and really took in what Kylo had made for him. “Kylo… you didn’t have to put this much effort into it, really.”
“I wanted to,” Kylo said simply as he joined Hux to eat. “I know this is one of your favourites, so you have no excuse to try to push it off.”
Hux’s cheeks pinkened just a little. “Well, thank you, darling. I appreciate it.”
The first bite had Hux not quite suppressing a moan of pleasure and Kylo smiled at that, pleased with himself. Sometimes it was fun to tease Hux about such things, but he didn’t want to do that tonight. As much as the mood had relaxed and Kylo had calmed down, the events of earlier were still far too fresh in his mind to make light of.
“Kylo I…” Hux started, putting his fork down and staring at his half-eaten meal.
Kylo paused in his eating and looked up, watching as Hux seemed to struggle with whatever it was he was trying to say. He didn’t interrupt, though, just let Hux work through it.
“Look, I know what happened today was a problem. And I just want you to know I do intend on trying to ensure it doesn’t happen again.” Hux sighed, then finally looked up to meet Kylo’s eyes. “Making time for the basics such as meals has never been easy for me, but I cannot allow a repeat of today’s events. My subordinates need someone they can rely on and look up to, not someone who might faint on them at any moment.”
Kylo tried not to frown at that and just barely managed. Still, Hux missed the point. While, yes, Kylo knew well enough that maintaining authority was important, that’s not what this was about. Hux neglecting his health had always worried Kylo, but now that something had actually happened, he knew he could never overlook it again. It hurt how little Hux seemed to care about himself when Kylo cared about him more than he’d once thought possible.
But that wasn’t a fight for today. Kylo had no intention of letting Hux get away with so much self-neglect again, but Hux didn’t need to know that quite yet. Right now Hux was still being cooperative, even if it was for the wrong reason, and Kylo was going to enjoy that for as long as he could.
“I’m glad you’re going to try,” Kylo said, meaning it even if his reasons were different than Hux’s.
Hux just nodded, then went back to his food, his eyelids fluttering as he took another bite. If Kylo had had any lingering doubts about whether it was worth how difficult it was going to be to enforce regular meals and sleep on Hux, that moment erased them all. He loved Hux and couldn’t help wanting to care for him, no matter how much Hux might resist. Kylo swore then and there he’d never let anything like what had happened earlier happen to Hux again.
That night, Kylo had managed to put Hux to bed on time with surprisingly little trouble and in the morning, as soon as Hux was up and in the refresher, he had ordered a droid to bring them both breakfast. Hux had given him a weak glare for it, but had relented and eaten as quickly as he could before heading off for his shift. Thus a new routine had begun, with Kylo making sure Hux followed the medbays instructions to eat and sleep and Hux allowing it even while he grumbled about how ‘unnecessary’ it all was.
Kylo still had some choice words about that, but decided to save them for now. After all, it wasn’t worth making things more difficult than they needed to be when he knew it was only a matter of time before Hux did that himself. And soon enough, just as Kylo had predicted, the inevitable finally happened.
It was another night when Kylo had decided to cook, a steak of some sort of herbivore native to the planet they’d most recently visited, and he’d put it on the table, just like he had every night since the incident, before calling to inform Hux dinner was ready. Hux had been working, also like he did every night, and he’d been so good about letting work wait until after they’d eaten lately that Kylo had no reason to believe tonight would be any different.
“Eat without me,” Hux called back, not even looking in Kylo’s direction. “I need to get these reports done. I’ll have something later.”
Kylo’s face fell. As much as part of him had known this was coming, it still felt like a shock. Hux had been so cooperative, even grudgingly appreciative of Kylo’s efforts. The thought that he was already slipping back into his old bad habits after only about two weeks of this was disheartening. Kylo couldn’t let that happen.
Determined, he strode over to the couch and stood in front of it, crossing his arms. Hux either hadn’t even noticed him or was hoping ignoring Kylo would make him give up and leave. If it was the latter, Hux was severely underestimating Kylo’s stubbornness.
“Hux,” he said, trying to still sound amiable, “you need to eat.”
Finally, Hux looked up, vaguely annoyed. “I know that. And I will, just later. I want to finish this first.”
Kylo peeked down to see what was so important, just in case it actually was and Hux had decided not to explain that for some reason, but all he saw were the standard requisitions and supply requests that Hux usually dealt with. They weren’t urgent and they sure as hell weren’t important. In Kylo’s opinion, such reports were beneath Hux anyway, but Hux had never been good at delegating.
“Hux,” Kylo said, firmer this time. “I’m not leaving you alone until you eat.”
“Then you’ll be standing there for a while,” Hux said, turning back to his reports. “Just eat without me before it gets cold.”
Kylo let out a deep breath through his nose. They were at an impasse, it seemed. With reason apparently leading nowhere, there was nothing he could do short of physically grabbing Hux and carrying him to the table to eat. Actually…
“If you don’t come to the table, I’m going to carry you there,” Kylo declared, widening his stance just a bit.
Hux looked up again and cocked an eyebrow. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am,” Kylo said, though he hoped Hux would listen to him before it came to that. “You have until the count of three.”
Hux just snorted, so Kylo started counting, “1…”
Kylo wasn’t sure if he imagined it, but it looked like Hux’s fingers were moving faster on the datapad. As if he was trying to hurry despite seeming to think Kylo wasn’t serious. That was interesting.
“2…”
“Kylo, stop. I’m not a bloody-”
“3.”
“-child!”
Before Hux could say anything else, Kylo lunged forward and grabbed him by the waist, lifting him off the couch. Hux struggled, though not seriously, like he was just putting up a token resistance. That was also interesting, but Kylo was too busy hoisting a wriggling Hux up over his shoulder to focus on it, one hand planted firmly on his ass to keep him in place. Hux’s hands slapped ineffectually at his back, a whole host of curses spilling from his mouth as Kylo carried him the short distance to the table and gently plunked him down into the chair. He then used the Force to push the chair forward and tuck Hux closer to the table as Kylo sat down on the other side.
“That was entirely unnecessary! Not to mention completely humiliating!” Hux spat, glaring across the table. “Do you not understand that I need to work?!”
“Not more than you need to eat, you don’t,” Kylo said simply, cutting into his steak and taking a bite. “Sleep comes first, too, so don’t bother trying this again when it’s time to go to bed.”
Hux huffed, his face reddening with anger. “So you’re just going to carry me around like a child? You know I won’t stand for that.”
“I only did that because you wouldn’t listen,” Kylo insisted, trying to keep his breathing level and his own anger under control. “I told you when this first started, if you won’t take care of yourself, then I will.”
“I have work to do,” Hux said, then pushed his chair back and started to rise.
Kylo had expected that, though, and used the Force to push the chair in again, forcing Hux to sit right back down. Hux’s glare darkened, but Kylo would not wilt. He just starting eating again, keeping one eye on Hux as he did.
Finally, Hux picked up his cutlery and started in on the food. Kylo chose not to say anything, the urge to be smug overridden by the need to take care of Hux. He could still remember what it had felt like to run through the halls of the Finalizer with Hux in his arms, limp and unconscious. He never wanted to go through that again.
“So when there’s a real emergency, what then?” Hux asked, interrupting Kylo’s thoughts. “Would you rather the Order burn than I to miss a meal?”
Kylo rolled his eyes, though he was pleased to note Hux had made it halfway through his dinner. “Of course not. If it’s a real emergency or something truly time-sensitive, then I understand. You were doing requisitions. Those are beneath you in the first place.”
Hux waved off Kylo’s last sentence with his knife. “And how am I to know you’ll listen to me when I tell you it’s important? You and I have different definitions of ‘vital’.”
Kylo took another bite of the steak and thought about it as he chewed. “Maybe we could have some sort of word or phrase. Something you could say so I know you’re not just being stubborn and we can stop and discuss the issue.”
Even with Hux focused on cutting another piece off his steak, Kylo noticed his cheeks get a little pink at that. That was strange. Kylo filed it away with the other interesting reactions Hux had had during this entire event to consider later. Still, at least he didn’t seem opposed to Kylo’s idea. If he was, Kylo was sure he would’ve mocked it.
“That works, I suppose,” Hux said after swallowing another bite. “I’m not sure what would be appropriate, though. It needs to be something I’d never normally say and that would get your attention, even if you’ve got me hoisted over your shoulder like a sack of produce.”
Hux wrinkled his nose at the last part and Kylo almost laughed. Still, though, this was important. As much as it was important that the Order not go untended, it was even more important to Kylo that Hux had a way to enforce his boundaries in this. Having a way to stop the moment instantly was key to that.
“Call me Ben,” Kylo said quietly, trying not to think about the feel of the old name in his mouth. “I promise I won’t get angry at you for it and it will get my attention.”
Hux blinked at him, clearly surprised by his choice. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” and the more he thought about it, the more sure Kylo was, “it’ll be the most effective. No matter what’s happening, whether I’m picking you up to make you eat or insisting you go to bed, call me Ben and I’ll stop so we can discuss it.”
“All right,” Hux said, nodding. “It’s an agreement then.”
Kylo nodded in return, feeling a strange urge to shake Hux’s hand but ignoring it. “I’m also trusting you not to use this when it’s not serious, you know. You can’t just say it every time you’re feeling stubborn.”
Hux rolled his eyes, which made Kylo’s lips quirk up. “Of course not. I understand what you’re giving me more than anyone.”
With that, nothing more really needed to be said, so they both finished their food, even though it had gotten a little cold during the discussion. Kylo felt better having a system in place for when Hux was just being Hux versus when something was actually going on. It also meant that Hux was letting Kylo take care of him, even if it meant going against what Hux actually said at the time.
After dinner, as Hux put their plates away for washing, Kylo wrapped his arms around Hux’s waist from behind, stepping in close and nuzzling into his neck. Hux stiffened at first but then relaxed, tipping his head to the side to give Kylo more room. Kylo took the invitation and laved his tongue over the side of Hux’s neck, enjoying the shiver he felt in response.
“Thank you, baby,” Kylo said, mouthing gently at Hux’s neck, “for letting me take care of you.”
Hux leaned back further, letting out a long inhale as Kylo worked up towards his ear. “As much as I’m not thrilled with this new insistence of yours to tend to me like an invalid, I… will allow it, when I can, even if I say no in the moment.”
Kylo smiled at that, happy to have Hux’s explicit agreement in this. The only thing that would have been better would be Hux agreeing and no longer making Kylo force him, but this worked too. Besides, it was kind of fun to manhandle Hux when he needed to. Clearly Hux didn’t mind it that much if he hadn’t said no to it in advance.
Hands batting Kylo’s face away from Hux’s neck brought him out of his thoughts. “Not now, you beast. You can wait until after I’ve finished the reports you so rudely interrupted.”
Pulling away, Kylo gave Hux his best pout, even though he knew he’d already lost. He could wait for that. Besides, considering the discussion they’d had, Kylo couldn’t call this anything other than a win.
Now that they had a system in place, Kylo felt a lot more comfortable forcing Hux to comply when he needed to. He didn’t always, but more often than not, Hux would insist something trivial needed to be done before he could eat or sleep, forcing Kylo to take on the firmer tone he’d adopted for these situations. He’d give Hux ample warning, which was sometimes enough, but other times it still ended with Kylo physically bringing Hux to wherever the food was. He was starting to get the feeling Hux enjoyed the struggle and Kylo couldn’t help but admit he did too. Still, the warm feeling he got on the rare occasion Hux obeyed without a fight, just submitted to Kylo’s care, was even better. It was probably for the best it was the least common outcome, lest Kylo get addicted to it.
Still, there were times when Kylo wondered if he’d have to implement some sort of punishment beyond the manhandling. One night, Kylo had just known Hux was going to be difficult. He’d been more snappish than usual in general due to some sort of issue with maintenance that had happened earlier in the day and whenever Hux was in a bad mood, it was always particularly difficult to get him to obey.
That night, Kylo had made a stew that was simple but hardy, hoping the warmth and thickness of it would help Hux relax a little and sleep later. He’d forgotten to put the bowls down before coming to get Hux and thus, after giving Hux his chance to come eat without an argument, had placed them on the coffee table before making his move.
Hux wasn’t having any of it, though, squirming and fighting and actually making Kylo work for it. If it weren’t for the lack of weapons and groin shots, Kylo almost would’ve thought Hux was fighting him for real. He snapped and snarled, wriggling his way out of Kylo’s grip every time he tried to stand up and take Hux to the table. Still, he never said the one word that would end it all, so Kylo didn’t stop.
Fine, then, Kylo thought, the two of them still grappling as Kylo waited for Hux to tire out.
He finally managed to get a good grip on Hux and hoisted him into his lap, using his own legs to trap Hux’s and wrapping his arms around Hux’s torso to pin Hux’s arms against his sides. Hux struggled in his grip, trying to get loose, but eventually settled, the both of them panting and sweaty. Kylo was glad for his size and weight advantage because he was sure that was the only reason he won.
“Are you done?” Kylo asked, trying to conceal how out of breath he was.
Hux wiggled again, as if needing to prove he was not, in fact, done. Kylo only tightened his grip and rode it out, waiting for Hux to give up. He knew Hux couldn’t have much stamina left after that; even Kylo was tired.
Once Hux calmed again, Kylo slowly loosened his grip, waiting to see if Hux would try to flee. When he didn’t and just remained sitting in Kylo’s lap, Kylo took one hand away to gently pet at Hux’s now-messy hair, carefully working out the remains of the gel. Hux grunted, but continued to stay right where he was.
“See, you didn’t have to make it so hard, baby,” Kylo said, feeling Hux stiffen and getting ready in case he tried to escape again. “I’ve told you so many times, I’m going to take care of you. Isn’t it so much easier when you let me instead of fighting it?”
Hux ducked his head, but remained silent, his posture relaxing. He needed the fight, Kylo realized, needed to get that energy and aggression from earlier out. He also needed to lose, Kylo thought, to give up and let himself be cared for. As much as this had originally just been about making sure Hux stayed healthy, it felt like it had become so much more that that now. There was an entire other layer to it, the fight and submission and care. All of those were things Hux needed sometimes and he now had a safe place to get whichever of them he needed that day. It warmed Kylo to know he could be that for Hux; no one had ever trusted him so much or considered him to be safe before.
However, as much as that realization did things to Kylo, he couldn’t forget about the point of all this. Deciding it wasn’t worth going to the table, Kylo reached forward around Hux until he could grab one of the bowls of stew. Next, he used the Force to grab the two spoons from the table and snatched one out of the air, letting the other land on the coffee table with the second bowl. Before Hux could realize what was happening, Kylo dipped the spoon into the stew and brought it to Hux’s mouth.
Hux’s eyes shot to Kylo, wearing an indignant glare. Kylo just stared at him, refusing to budge on this. If Hux was going to be difficult, this was going to be the consequence.
“It smells good, doesn’t it? Go on,” Kylo urged, holding the spoon steady. “Open your mouth.”
Hux’s eyes widened, though he didn’t stop glaring. “I can fee-”
Kylo used the opportunity to shove the spoon into Hux’s mouth. Hux made an angry squawking sound, but swallowed the so fast it seemed like he didn’t even taste it. Grinning smugly, Kylo refilled the spoon from the bowl and held it back in place in front of Hux’s mouth.
“I gave you the chance to feed yourself, but you refused,” Kylo explained. “Now open.”
Hux’s glare darkened, now more than enough to cause lesser beings to piss themselves. Kylo, however, would not be swayed. After an agonizing few minutes of just staring at each other and Kylo trying very hard to keep his hand steady and not spill what was in the spoon, Hux finally leaned forward and tentatively brought the spoon into his mouth by choice.
Now that Hux was paying attention to the flavour, it was clear he liked the taste, given the way his eyes rolled up a little and the deep exhale he let out through his nose, but it was also obvious was embarrassed. His cheeks were stained red, even more so than they had been a few moments ago from the exertion, showing that at least some of it was from the situation. But now that Kylo had started this, he wasn’t going to stop unless Hux truly wanted him too. He couldn’t explain it, but he did get a strange thrill out of feeding Hux this way.
The first few bites were slow, Hux’s pride clearly at war with whatever he was getting out of this other than the stew. Eventually, though, Hux relaxed and allowed Kylo to feed him, not even trying to grab the spoon. It was such a foreign feeling and Kylo couldn’t help get lost in it. It was like convincing a wild predator to eat out of his hand instead of going for his flesh.
Soon enough, the stew was gone, Hux having eaten the entire bowl. He was relaxed by that point, turned a bit to the side and leaning on Kylo, his eyes lidded. Whatever had made him so angry before was completely forgotten now, Hux lax and calm in his arms. It made Kylo feel powerful that he could have such an effect on the man he loved.
Hux stayed in his lap even as Kylo traded the empty bowl for the full one, finally feeding himself now that Hux had been taken care of. It was a little cold after sitting there, but he didn’t mind, enjoying the feeling of Hux in his lap too much to care. They’d have to do this again sometime, though preferably without quite so much as a fight first.
Speaking of the fight… “See, was it so bad to just let me feed you?”
Hux gave Kylo perhaps the weakest imitation of a glare Kylo had ever seen on his face. “I suppose not.”
“I’m warning you now,” Kylo said between bites of stew, “if you make it that difficult again, I might just have to spank you.”
Hux’s face, which had gone back to its normal pallor in the time it took to eat, turned completely red at that, a strangled choking noise escaping his throat. Though he didn’t look unhappy about the idea, Kylo noticed. Well, then. Kylo had planned to laugh it off as a joke if Hux had reacted badly, but now it looked like he’d actually get to implement it. Kylo had only ever been on the receiving end of spankings before and he couldn’t deny how much he liked the idea of turning Hux’s ass as red as his face currently was the next time he was that much trouble.
Once Kylo was done eating, he put the bowl back down, expecting Hux to leave again to finish his work, but he didn’t, just stayed cuddled up against Kylo. Kylo wrapped an arm around him, snaking his hand up to play with Hux’s hair again. He still liked it better when it was soft after the gel had been fully washed out, but it was still nice like this, especially with the way Hux closed his eyes and leaned his head against Kylo’s shoulder, letting himself be petted.
“Good boy,” Kylo said quietly, testing Hux’s reaction and not missing the way Hux shuddered then melted further into his arms.
Kylo was tentative as he approached Hux on the couch for dinner. Hux had been strangely quiet all night, seeming unusually down. It was unlike Hux to be so morose and subdued. Part of Kylo wanted to look into his mind to find the problem, but he would never do so unless Hux allowed him to. Without that, he was stuck having to wait until Hux told him on his own.
“Dinner’s ready,” Kylo said, watching as Hux put his datapad away and followed without a fight.
It didn’t feel like a win this time, Hux not saying a word as he sat at the table and poked at his food. He was frowning and nibbling at his lower lip, something Hux almost never did. He didn’t even eat, just pushed the food around on his plate. Kylo frowned in return, not sure how to help.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Kylo asked, using the pet name to hopefully soften the question.
Hux sighed deeply. “It’s nothing.”
It didn’t sound like nothing and Kylo said so, too distracted by Hux’s mood to focus on anything else. Hux still hadn’t taken a single bite yet. If he wasn’t feeling well, he didn’t have to eat, Hux knew that. He’d used their agreed upon word in the past when that had been the case, so it must have been something else.
Hux put his fork down and made a frustrated noise. “It’s this! All of it!”
Kylo blinked at him. He’d thought Hux liked this? Even if he wasn’t comfortable saying it and needed to fight it for the sake of his pride sometimes, Kylo had been sure of it, had felt the contentment radiate off of him through the Force. He didn’t know what he’d do if Hux refused to keep doing it; both because Kylo had come to enjoy the ritual they had and because he wasn’t sure how else he could care for Hux and make sure he was healthy.
“Do you not want to do it anymore?” Kylo asked, trying to keep his voice level.
Hux huffed in frustration. “It’s… it feels wrong. I can’t…”
He cut off there, his gaze shifting to somewhere on the other side of the room. Kylo put his cutlery down too, giving Hux his full attention.
“I thought you liked it,” Kylo prompted, hoping it would get them somewhere. “Even when you pretend not to.”
“I do!” Hux said suddenly, looking back to Kylo and gesturing with his hands. “But I shouldn’t. I don’t have time for it. I should be working, not… enjoying.”
As it clicked, Kylo’s heart broke a little. Even after all this, Hux still didn’t think his own wellbeing was worth caring about. Work always came first, everything always did. Even Kylo came first; when his emotions overwhelmed him or he had injuries that needed tending, Hux was there to help him and give him a proper scolding. It was thanks to Hux that Kylo was as calm as he was these days, yet Hux still felt he didn’t deserve the favour returned.
“It’s easier to pretend you’re truly forcing me,” Hux said quietly, sounding ashamed to admit it was all pretend. “Then I can pretend I don’t want to be doing it. But I do, Kylo, I do. It’s shameful for someone of my ranking to waste time on simple pleasures when there’s always so much to be done.”
Kylo was standing before he realized it, making his way over to Hux and kneeling in front of him. He then leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Hux’s waist and draping himself over Hux’s lap. Force, he wished more than anything he could make Hux understand how important he was, how much Kylo cared. But he knew that it would take more than one discussion to undo all the damage that had been done to Hux’s psyche before Kylo had even met him. Still, Kylo would do what he could, just as he’d do anything for Hux.
Kylo looked up, waiting until Hux made eye contact before speaking. “Hux, you don’t have to be ashamed of enjoying nice things or being cared for. You work harder than anyone here. If anyone in the Order deserves a break, it’s you. You may not believe it, but you more than deserve this, baby.
Hux flushed a little, trying to look away but Kylo freed one arm to gently grab Hux by the chin and force him to hold eye contact. “And as much as you do deserve the highest luxuries the galaxy has available for everything you do, eating a good meal and going to sleep on time is not one of them. That’s the bare minimum of what anyone deserves, which means you do, too. If you won’t give even that to yourself, then I will. Kriff, I’d lavish you with so much more if I thought you would let me, feeding you delicacies and putting you to bed on the softest sheets and then worshipping your body for hours.”
When Kylo received no response other than a deepening of Hux’s blush, he kept going, “Besides, even if all that weren’t true, how are we going to crush the Resistance without the Order’s best mind at full capacity?”
Finally, Hux gave him a small, hesitant smile. It was only a start, Kylo knew, but that was better than nothing. He hoped one day that showing Hux the care and attention he deserved would convince Hux that he truly did, though Kylo was ready to be patient. He was already awed by the fact that he was lucky enough to be able to give this to Hux in the first place.
“All right, you’ve made your point,” Hux finally said, patting Kylo’s head. “It is… nice, I suppose. All this.”
He struggled to get the word ‘nice’ out, like admitting he liked being cared for was akin to admitting treason, but Kylo couldn’t help smiling back. One day he’d have to book them some time for shore leave and show Hux the true meaning of indulgence. If he thought this felt like treason, he had no idea the luxuries Kylo wished he could give him.
Kylo let go of Hux and stood then, placing a lingering kiss to Hux’s forehead. “I’ll always take care of you, baby.”
Tucked against Kylo’s side, Hux was all but purring. He’d been cooperative today, so much so that he’d only balked a little at the idea of eating on the couch again. Kylo had prepared a platter of simple finger foods and then fed them to Hux by hand one by one, alternating between taking pieces for himself and giving them to Hux. After each bite Hux took, Kylo couldn’t help kissing him, murmuring praises and ‘good boy’ against his lips and savouring the way Hux shuddered each time.
This system of theirs was working and even though Hux was still difficult sometimes, that only added to the fun of it. Still, even after all this time, Kylo didn’t think he’d ever stop being overwhelmed by the warm feeling in his chest when Hux surrendered and let himself be cared for. It was happening more and more often over time and Kylo hoped that meant Hux was starting to see the point of this.
Hux shifted against his side and Kylo lifted the arm he had around him to let him move. Once Hux was comfortable again, Kylo started to lower his arm but was stopped by Hux reaching back to grab his hand and place it on his head. He stared directly at Kylo, chin raised in challenge, like he was daring Kylo to mock him for asking for this.
Maybe once, Kylo would have, but after all they’d been through and built here, he wouldn’t dream of it. He just chuckled lightly and stroked through Hux’s hair, breaking up the gel still holding it in place from the day. Hux hummed in pleasure and closed his eyes, leaning against Kylo’s shoulder and letting Kylo play with his hair. It was the first time Hux had asked for something like this and Kylo took it as a good sign, delighted that perhaps Hux was starting to learn how to be cared for after all.
“Thank you for letting me take care of you, baby,” Kylo whispered, pausing in his petting only long enough to press a kiss to Hux’s hair that he hoped said just how thankful he truly was.