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Kevin finds Andrew smoking on the roof about a week before the 19th. It’s chilly, which is expected for January, but still warmer than it would be at Evermore. Kevin’s been on the roof enough times that he only feels like he’s intruding a little, but he ignores it.
Kevin doesn’t like seeing Andrew at the building. One explanation is that he doesn’t like seeing their best goalie inches away from death. He ignores the other as he goes to stand beside his friend.
“You need your lungs to guard the goal, Andrew,” Kevin chides.
Andrew, stubborn as ever, turns his head to Kevin and exhales a breath of smoke directly in his face. Kevin frowns and holds his breath until the smoke dissipates.
“What do you want, Kevin?” Andrew asks, his eyes back on the darkened skyline of the University.
“I wanted to plan something for Neil’s birthday.” Kevin says.
“Why? His birthday’s not until March.”
Kevin stares at him. He opens his mouth, closes it. “It’s January 19th? Surely you remember last year. He’ll be 20.”
An eyebrow lifts. “It’s March 31st. Surely you remember the official documents he signed to get his identity remade by the FBI. He’ll be 21.”
“They didn’t change it?” Kevin asks.
“Check his ID if you want,” Andrew says.
Kevin pauses, digesting that information. He wonders if the Foxes are planning anything for January, or if it’s March when they’re celebrating. He wonders if he’s out of the loop or if the loop is just Neil and Andrew.
“I still want to replace the bad memories from last year.”
“I’m not going to stop you.”
Kevin squints his eyes at Andrew. He doesn’t seem particularly invested, just a blank wall. If Kevin didn’t know better, he’d say Andrew didn’t care. Still, his grip on his cigarette is stronger than it was a minute ago.
Kevin stays on the roof, watching Andrew smoke for a little longer. When Andrew starts another cigarette and throws Kevin a dirty look he leaves.
On the 19th, Kevin makes Neil a smoothie before they leave for practice. It’s packed with proteins and all the right sugars, enough to fuel him through practice and start his day off right. He’d considered getting Neil a book, something small like the short History of Exy book that had been a part of a history of sports series. But Neil had so few possessions, and Kevin wasn’t sure if he’d really want to keep one from him. Kevin wasn’t sure if it was too much of his own interests and not enough of Neil’s, though Exy filled Neil’s veins the same way it filled Kevin’s.
Neil gives Kevin a look about the smoothie, as if he’s about to start a sentence. All he ends up biting out is a “thanks”, though Kevin receives looks throughout the day.
The foxes talk about going out for dinner after practice, Nicky bouncing about Neil’s birthday, Matt joining in. Neil looks increasingly uncomfortable, as if they’re digging through his ashes to find bones.
“Neil’s birthday is in March,” Kevin says in a voice that books no nonsense. He gets it, wanting to leave a part of himself behind. “Besides, don’t you have better things to do than to load up on grease two days before a game?”
The attention shifts to Kevin’s bad attitude long enough for Neil and Andrew to leave the lounge, cutting off any talks of going out. Maybe it makes him a hypocrite, but he’s glad that he could do this for Neil. If not for his birthday, then just as his friend. As his—Kevin has better things to think about than what he is to Neil.
The Foxes might be struggling in the death matches if the freshmen don’t step it up. Kevin can focus on that, on driving the team to be the best version of itself. With him focused on the technical skills and Dan and Neil focused on making the team cohesive, there have only been a few bumps in their season.
The team diffuses, seeming disappointed to find Neil and Andrew gone. Nicky grumbles at Kevin as they make their way back, but Kevin’s not bothered. When they get back to the dorms, Kevin can see smoke coming from the roof, and lets them be.
The Foxes try again to celebrate in March, though with only a little more luck. The foxes take him out to dinner, pulling him along even as he protests it’s not a big deal. Through talks at late night practices Kevin knows that for Neil, a birthday on the run would just mark another year of survival.
The upperclassmen give him a scrapbook, full of pictures and neatly written in captions. Kevin can tell that each of them wrote at least one story or caption. Neil looks honestly touched by the gesture.
“You didn’t have to do this,” Neil says, his voice rough.
“But we wanted to,” Dan says, all dimples.
It makes Kevin feel a little insecure about his gift, the exy history book Kevin had been considering giving him for months now. It’s hard not to think about these things as a competition, and he wishes he could have helped make the scrapbook. He doesn’t have pictures, but he has a collection of his favorite memories with Neil that he holds close to his chest.
He gives Neil the book, and it’s enough. It’s more than Neil expected, and it’s more than he got from Andrew, as far as Kevin knows. But then, maybe that was the gift. The freedom from expectations.
He wishes he knew Neil better, even as Neil is one of his best friends. He wishes he could make as much from silence as either Neil or Andrew could, but he’s always been methodical and focused in his research methods.
After dinner, Neil and Andrew disappear to the roof. Kevin doesn’t think that it’s the right time to join them, but maybe someday, it will be.