Archive of Our Own

It’s cold.

The act of being cold itself is not so unusual. He’s sharing a bed with Phil “The Heat Vampire” Lester, for Christ’s sake. Somehow, Phil always manages to zap every ounce of warmth in Dan’s body and then snatch all the blankets. It’s an… endearing quality.

This is a different kind of cold though — one that’s stemming from the air around him rather than Phil’s icy skin.

“Phil,” Dan whispers as he pokes the bundle of blankets beside him. There’s no reply. “Phil, let me under the blanket, you arsehole.” Phil makes a noise that was probably meant to be a curse in response, but Dan doesn’t care. Instead, he feels for the seam of the blanket burrito and pulls. After a silent struggle, Dan finally succeeds in pulling one of the smaller throw blankets free. He wraps it around himself and debates kicking Phil off the edge of the bed for a second.

He doesn’t. He’s not entirely heartless — unlike some people.

***

It’s even colder somehow.

That’s the next thing Dan registers. The sun is up now, and a quick assessment of the bed reveals he managed to retain his blanket. He deems his mission a success, even if Phil did get to keep the warmer ones. He rolls over and picks up his phone from the bedside table.

07:42
-2° Celsius

“Fucking hell,” Dan mutters as he sets his phone back down. “Negative two is what it feels like in this room.”

“Shh,” Phil mumbles, his voice rough. “Too early for talking.”

“Too early for freezing,” Dan retorts. “You’re awake, so let me under the goddamn blanket.” He shakes the older man. Phil groans as he throws an arm back and hitting Dan in the face. “Hey!” He grabs at the edge of the blanket and yanks. “Give it up, Lester. You’re not winning this battle.”

“No,” Phil whines. He pulls the covers tighter around his body. “Find your own blanket. I’m cold.”

“Oh, you’re cold.” Dan snorts. “Poor baby. I’ve been freezing my nipples off with a throw blanket all night long. Shut the hell up.”

“Rude,” Phil huffs, but he reluctantly lets Dan pull the blanket free.

“Better,” Dan murmurs. He curls up beneath it and stares at the ceiling. For several minutes, there’s nothing but hushed breaths interrupting the silence. After a bit, he finally throws the blanket off and stands up. “Bloody hell, I’m turning up the heat.”

“I wouldn’t complain if you did that,” Phil replies as he peers at Dan over the top of his blanket cocoon.

“Of course you wouldn’t.” Dan grabs a black shirt off the floor, pulling it on and rubbing his arms. “You’re always cold. Fucking heat vampire. I hate you.”

“Love you too,” Phil replies.

“Yeah, sure you do.” Dan walks off without another word.

***

The heating is broken.

Of fucking course it is. Things like this could only happen to them.

“I can’t believe it,” Dan complains, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I cannot believe the heating is broken.”

“It’ll be fixed by Tuesday,” Phil points out as he sets his glasses on the edge of the dresser. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Phil, it’s bloody Sunday,” Dan reminds him.

“So we pretend we live in the arctic or something. It’s not long.”

Dan snorts at the sheer Phil-ness of that statement. “Only you.” He sighs, lying back across the bed dramatically. “I can’t believe—”

“And I can’t believe how many times you’ve repeated that one phrase,” Phil interrupts. He pulls on a hoodie. The olive (army?) green Katamari one, Dan notices.

“Goddamn, I felt that,” he says as he sits back up, a look of faux-hurt on his face. He shivers. “It’s cold.”

“Yeah, I wonder why,” Phil drawls. He throws a jumper at Dan. “Put on warmer clothes and maybe you won’t be so chilled. What a concept.”

“No.” Dan throws it back, the article of clothing hitting Phil in the face. “God, are you really wearing those cursed emoji pyjamas?”

“At least I’m warm,” Phil retorts as he tosses the jumper back to the floor and crosses his arms. “Don’t hate just because you’re bitter.”

“Well, it’s your fault I’m cold anyway.”

“I broke the heater?” Phil scoffs. “Yeah, totally.”

“Wouldn’t surprise me, if we’re honest.” Dan shrugs. “There’s probably a plant growing in it or something. You throw some seeds around this place recently?” Phil rolls his eyes affectionately. “No, you didn’t break the heater, but you are a heat vampire, Lester.”

Even Phil can’t argue with that fact, so he doesn’t. “Shut up and get dressed. I’ll get some coffee on, alright?”

“Alright.”

Phil walks off, leaving Dan alone in the room. The younger man has half a mind to get dressed and wrap up in Phil’s brightly coloured duvet and just walk out in that, but…

Nah. Where’s the fun in that?

With that, he stands up and walks through the hallway, the sound of his footsteps louder in his ears than it should be. He shivers.

Fuck this fuck this fuck it all—

He walks to the kitchen in silence, the tile freezing as he asks himself why he didn’t think to even grab a pair of socks. Surely, that would help at least a bit, but is it really worth turning around and walking all the way back to the bedroom and getting them?

Nay. Why would he do that when there’s a perfectly good Phil in the kitchen that can keep him warm?

The kitchen feels even colder than the hallways or the bedroom had, but Dan is sure that part of that must be psychosomatic. He moves some of the mugs and hoists himself up onto the counter, watching as Phil busies himself making a bowl of cereal.

“I thought I said to get dressed,” Phil says without looking up. He puts the milk back in the fridge, humming thoughtfully as he turns and grabs a spoon from a drawer.

“I did,” Dan argues, pulling at his shirt pointedly.

“In weather appropriate clothing,” Phil corrects as he sets his bowl down on the counter beside Dan.

Dan just sticks out his tongue.

“Come on,” Phil groans. “You’re going to freeze to death, Daniel.”

“And that’ll be your fault,” Dan replies indignantly, “because you’re not doing anything.” He picks up Phil’s cereal bowl from the counter and takes a bite.

“Hey,” Phil protests. “That’s mine.”

“Think of it as a payment for every bite of cereal you’ve stolen from me over the years,” Dan shoots back. The corners of Phil’s mouth turn down into a pout, and Dan has to snicker at how downright offended he looks. “Oh my God. You look like I just told you I hate your fucking cactus or something.

“To be fair,” Phil begins, “you have complained about the cacti too much.”

Dan cocks his head curiously. “Excuse me? Cacti? As in plural? Phil, is there something you’re not telling me?” Phil just smiles sheepishly. “Phil.”

“I went to the shop and there was just a lone cactus sitting there, so I bought it,” Phil explains. “I couldn’t just leave it there!”

“Oh my God.” Dan rolls his eyes with affection. “What ever shall I do with you?”

“At least I’m dressed for the weather,” Phil retorts, trying to draw the conversation back to its original topic. It doesn't go unnoticed by Dan. “So I’m doing better than you.”

“Maybe I want to be cold,” Dan returns.

“Why? Since when?” Phil narrows his eyes suspiciously. “Who are you and what have you done with the real Dan? Have you been abducted by aliens?”

Dan snorts. “Maybe I want you to feel bad for me and keep me warm, dumbarse.”

“Oh.” Phil taps his chin thoughtfully before running his hands over Dan’s legs. “Well, it’s a great motive.”

Dan leans forward, kissing Phil’s cheek. “I mean, it’s kind of working so far, so…”

“Is it?” Phil steps back and crosses his arms. “No more of that, then.”

“Please?” Dan whines. “You can’t just leave me to freeze to death.”

“Why not?”

“It’s illegal.”

“Is it now?”

“Yeah.” Dan grins. “Animal abuse. It’s in the law—thou shalt not leave a rat to freeze if preventable.”

Phil can’t help the laugh that escapes his mouth, even as he tries to cover it up with a fake cough. Dan snickers at the resulting sound, leaning forward and bracing his elbows against his knees. He leans on his hands, tapping his fingers against his cheeks.

“So, are you going to let me freeze, or are you going to follow the law?” he asks.

“A tough choice, really.” Phil runs a hand through his hair before tapping his chin as he pretends to consider it. He smirks. “But, I think I promised to make coffee first.”

“Fine,” Dan huffs, swinging his legs as he watches Phil fill the coffeemaker with fresh water and add coffee grounds and a filter. It doesn’t take long before the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee fills the room, making it seem a bit warmer. Phil pours the coffee into two mugs and adds milk and sugar before handing one to Dan, who accepts it gratefully. He presses his freezing hands to the warm outside of the mug, inhaling the strong fragrance. “Oh, hell yes.”

“Are you just going to smell it, or are you planning on, you know, actually drinking it?” Phil asks before taking a sip of his own drink.

“Don’t shame me!” Dan cries in response.

“I’ll shame you all I want,” Phil replies with a smile. “Shame, shame shame shame.”

“Rude.”

“Truth.”

Dan takes a long drink of his coffee, relishing the way the warmth travels down his throat and through his body, even though it hurts a bit.

“Don’t burn yourself,” Phil warns.

“I didn’t.”

“Sure you didn’t. And you didn’t just shudder because it burned your throat, either.” Phil grins as Dan flips him off.

“Fuck off.”

Phil sets his white, whiskered mug on the counter before picking up his cereal and taking a couple bites. He wrinkles his nose slightly. “It’s getting soggy.”

“You took too long to eat it,” Dan points out. “It wouldn’t be soggy if you could actually focus on things, dumbarse.”

“Hey, I didn’t see you complaining when I made you that coffee,” Phil protests. “I’ll take it back if you’re going to be like that, Howell.”

Dan just sticks out his tongue. Phil sets his bowl down and grabs for Dan’s coffee.

“No, hey!” Dan holds it up out of range. “Nope, can’t take it if you can’t reach it!”

“Cheater,” Phil whines.

“It’s not cheating; it’s called using my resources,” Dan corrects, switching the green mug to his other hand as Phil stands on his toes and reaches for it. He wraps his legs around Phil’s waist and hooks his ankles together, keeping him still.

“Let go of me.” Phil goes to step back, but Dan pulls him closer. “Dan.” The younger just smiles, placing his Creeper mug down and pulling Phil forward by his hoodie. Phil lets him.

Until Dan’s nose brushes his skin, that is, after which he yelps.

“Cold!” Phil yanks back, breaking free of Dan’s hold. “Nope! Nope nope nope!”

“Oh, what, can the heat vampire not take being leeched off of?” Dan grins wickedly. “Wow, what a shock.”

“Shh!” Phil waves his hand before rubbing his arms. “You’re freezing cold.”

“I know.” Dan rolls his eyes. “Is that not the thing we’ve been going back and forth on all morning long?”

“No, like… freezing freezing.”

“I know.”

“Like—”

“Are you just going to keep saying the same thing over and over again like you’re a broken record?”

“Well, I mean, you did that earlier, so…”

Dan kicks Phil in the side with the flat of his foot, and the older man laughs. “Shut up!”

“You did!” Phil argues. He mimics Dan’s voice in a, quite frankly, offensive way. “I cannot believe—”

“Shut up!” Dan screeches, but he’s laughing. “I hate you!”

“No, you don’t!”

“Ugh, you’re the worst!” Dan hops down off the counter and runs a hand through his hair. “The absolute worst, Lester.” He throws back the rest of his coffee, shuddering slightly as it burns. “Alright, this has been fun and all, but I’m actually going to get hypothermia if I don’t put on something warmer.”

“I’ve been telling you that all day.”

“It’s not even that late!”

“All. Day,” Phil repeats seriously, though his eyes twinkle with amusement.

Dan rolls his eyes, but hugs Phil tightly anyway. “Yeah, whatever. I’ll be back in a second.”

Just because he can, he presses his nose to Phil’s neck and runs down the hallway, snickering to himself as he hears Phil shout.

***

Phil is sitting on the couch when Dan returns, fully dressed and swaddled in his duvet. He sits beside the older man and watches in silence as Phil turns on the television and flicks through the channels mindlessly.

“Nothing good?” Dan asks.

“Nothing good,” Phil confirms.

“I’m thinking we might have to go outside once in a while until this thing gets fixed,” Dan scoffs. Phil raises an eyebrow, appearing curious.

“Oh?” he asks. “A bold move.”

“I know, right?” Dan tries to keep his face and voice completely serious. “Who does that anymore?”

“What even is ‘outside?’” Phil asks, playing along.

“Don’t know.” Dan leans close, lowering his voice in a dramatic manner. “Heard it’s something scary.”

Phil breaks first, throwing his head back as he laughs loudly. Dan joins in after only a couple of seconds. “Okay, I’m out.”

“Seriously, though,” Dan says after a moment. “You want to?”

“Go where?”

“I don’t know. Maybe get a coffee or something at Starbucks.”

“Yeah, sure.” Phil’s eyes rake over Dan’s burrito-ed form. “You sure you can get out of there, though?”

Dan pretends to think it over. “I mean, it is quite comfortable…”

“I bet.”

“Want in?”

“Is that a come on?” Phil smirks as Dan groans.

“Seriously?” Dan covers half of his face with the brightly coloured duvet and glares. “Way to ruin things, Lester.”

“Sorry,” Phil says, sounding not at all sorry.

“Bitch,” Dan mutters.

Phil scoots closer, leaning on Dan. “Come on.”

“You’re not getting in now, you nasty,” Dan tells him. He turns his nose up snootily, the corners of his mouth turned down in a dramatic frown. “Freak. Get lost.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Please?” Phil repeats, lowering his voice.

Dan pretends to think it over. After a bit, he finally shifts.

“Fine,” he huffs, letting Phil pull the blanket free and wrap it around them. Phil’s fingers wrap around Dan’s.

Cold. Of course.

Dan sighs and rests his head on Phil’s shoulder. He closes his eyes. For a long moment, they just sit like that—soft breathing and the background noise of whatever shitty television show is playing. Dan watches as Phil picks up his phone and scrolls through Twitter, occasionally liking random shitposts or art pieces. Dan snorts at some of them, but otherwise, it’s near silent.

Comforting. Homey.

This is really how Dan likes to live his life, if he’s honest—calm, peaceful, and with minimum strife. It’s lovely.

After Phil shows him some stupid dog video and they’re both done laughing at it, Dan decides to break the silence.

“You know,” he begins quietly, “maybe the heating being out isn’t horrible.”

“Yeah?” Phil asks. He turns off his phone’s screen and runs his thumb over the soft skin of Dan’s hand in a comforting and familiar manner. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“‘Cause at least this way, I have no heat for you to try and leech.”

Phil scoffs, rolling his eyes. He kisses Dan’s cheek before sitting back, nudging Dan’s foot with his own.

“You really are a damn broken record when you’re worked up, Daniel.”