Chapter Text
Neil was pacing in front of the other campers, obviously irritated. "Well, enough is enough! We need a plan to rid of Daniel!"
"Come on Neil,” Max said, scrolling lazily on David's phone. “The guy won't last for a week. Did you see his face when he saw our food and the dishes it was put on? The freak's way too neat and tidy for this place.”
“You just don't get it, Max!” Neil exclaimed. “I can't stand his pseudoscientific bullshit anymore. All these lectures about dark toxins and other nonsense, I don't know about you guys, but for me it's insulting! I'm a man of science!”
“Hey, hold on there,” Nurf said, “just because we're thicker than you doesn't mean we approve obscurantism in our camp!”
“So, what do you suggest?” Max asked.
Neil ruffled his hair. “Well... everyone has a weakness. And Daniel's week spot is his belief!”
“Come on, Neil,” Nikki said, “I've never seen Daniel praying or some stuff. He's not that religious.”
“Oh, yes, you haven't seen that, but I do hear him grinding his teeth every time I ruin his false theories!”
“What are we gonna do, then?” Nerris asked.
“If this primitive system of beliefs is what keeps him going,” Neil concluded, “We'll use it against him.”
In half an hour all the campers were standing near Dolph's easel. The boy was ready to fix their ideas on paper.
“So... how does he even look, this Xemüg guy?”
“We can use illusions – smoke and fire!” Harrison waved his hand over his top hat and looked inside as if Xemüg was already there.
“He should be scary! Big! Impressive!” Nurf clenched his fists.
“As a god, he should have all things that are canon for deities,” Nerris said, “I mean – wings, halo, several arms...”
“And his image should be pristine und pure!”
“And his emergence should affect Daniel the same way the ghost of Hamlet's father affects Hamlet!”
“No ghosts in here, Preston,” Max said.
“He should be really cool.”
“Thanks, Ered, that was really specific.”
Ered shrugged. “I just want to participate, dude.”
“So... how can we make him?” Neil asked.
Space kid smiled and pointed his finger up. “Well, what if we build him like a rocket and get inside?”
David clutched his hands to his chest in delight.
“Oooh, our kids are finally working together as a team!”
“I don't know, David,” Gwen said skeptically without looking up from her magazine, “They're up to some nasty shit, as usual.”
“Oh, come on, Gwen! I'm sure it will be something surprising in a good way!”
“You wish. Talking of surprises: I've found the unpleasant one in the Mess Hall. The one that's decorating the Hall in honor of some Zigmund or Siegfried.”
“Gwen, Daniel is our colleague, we must respect his interests!”
Gwen shrugged. “Whatever. He won't last here for long.”
David saddened. “You think so?”
“I hope so.”
Nikki popped into their room. “Gwen, David! Where can I get buttons and a hockey stick?”
“Ask the Quartermaster,” Gwen and David said in unison.
“Okay! And David, it wasn't me who took the megaphone! Just in case.”
Daniel was conflicted in the worst way possible. He got stuck in a very sinful and dirty place. One kid even ate dirt, and it's in addition to all of them being filled with negative energy from the start! Daniel couldn't leave it like that. Everybody here required a total purification. Well, except for David, probably. And here was the problem: if he cleanses the children, David will get some negativity on himself because of all the grief. If Daniel cleanses David as well, he might get some negativity himself. So Daniel left things as they were, trying mild methods like spraying poisonous Kool-Aid on children and scrubbing dirty tables with his knife.
One evening Daniel, in his musings about which way was right, thought of his god. Of course, the war with the Galactic confederacy is one thing and complicated human feelings are totally different, but still. He stepped out of his house, ready to call his god when he saw white smoke. Bright light split the darkness, there was thunder, and Daniel saw Xemüg in all his glory. He was about 3 meters high. He had a skull for a head and his numerous arms and wings were moving constantly. His white robe was wavering slightly. He was swaying and wobbling, and Daniel fell to his knees for he didn't know how to express his awe.
“Daniel....” Xemüg's voice was reverberating, and Daniel was surprised it didn't sound as deep as one could expect. “My son... I'm Xeemux... Xemüg, your god!”
Daniel dared to look up from his spot. “Yes, Almighty! I... I've already figured it out. Thank you for answering my calling.”
Xemüg swang in place and Daniel heard something like hiss or whisper, which, of course, was just godly speech, unobtainable to his human ears.
“Daniel, I've come to tell you about my will. You are to leave this ungodly place and go to spread the light of your faith to other people! Go on, now!” Xemüg's voice turned high-pitched and girly. “Yeah, go away!”
Xemüg rocked threateningly. “And if you do not listen to me, you'll bring my punishment on thee! I'll send all my orcs to get you!” Xemüg lisped and then growled. “Yeah! And I'll punch you! Do not make me resort to extreme measures, Daniel!” The god was talking with a German accent now.
“I... I got it, oh Almighty,” Daniel was in horror and dither. Xemüg shook and leaned down, and Daniel covered his face with hands in reverent lowliness. Xemüg stood still and said grumpily, “Then get the fuck out of here”.
The god was consumed with white smoke and backed up into the woods, never taking his eyes out of Daniel. His eyes were bright yellow and looked very much like torchlights.
Daniel stayed on the ground, not able to believe his luck. He's just experienced a true revelation! Xemüg heard him and did come to him! Something was disturbing in all this situation, but... Who was he to disobey his god???
David looked at the campers having their breakfast. He frowned. “Where's Daniel?”
Some campers giggled. Gwen muttered, “ I hope he fired himself.”
“It isn't funny, Gwen! We have to find him.”
Gwen rolled her eyes, “Well, I definitely won't bother myself with that. By the way, why are you kids so lively this early?”
Space kid was about to answer, but at this moment Daniel, who looked pale, entered the Hall.
“David, we... we've got to talk.”
“O-okay, Daniel,” David came outside, and the campers immediately left their meal to listen to their conversation.
They were pushing and shoving each other and missed some part of it.
“...I know, it's hard to believe, but He did come to me and told me to leave this camp to continue my mission in another place.”
“Oh.. well... I see, Daniel,” David was puzzled, “if, ehm, if it is what your soul asks for, then, I think, you should... go?”
“I thought so too, David. But the more I did so, the more I got confused and resented one particular thing. You see, Xemüg demands from us to be pure, clean and untainted meanwhile He has stains on his garment. Stains and smudges, David! How can I worship him after this bitter truth has been revealed? Well, I can't do it anymore. And I do not intend to listen to his pathetic guidance! So I won't leave the camp. I'll stay here, with you."
Neil turned to quieted campers and hissed, “Well, team. Who skipped the laundry day?”