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The nightmare was always the same.
Emma pulled Killian out of the tub of water that Zelena had thrown him in and his lips were so blue—too blue—and she pounded on his chest ineffectively. She then resorted to true love’s kiss, a then half-assed disguise at CPR. “Killian! Killian, come back to me!” she screamed over and over. But he never came back. She slumped over on his chest, weeping into his neck, “I’m sorry…please come back to me, Killian. I love you. Please…wake up.”
That was when she woke up, right on cue, screaming at the top of her lungs for Killian. Henry wasn’t there, he was staying at Regina’s, and thank god she’d finally moved in to that apartment on the water with a view because, no, she did not want to talk about her nightmares with her parents. Besides, they had a newborn to take care of and she was an adult now. She wasn’t supposed to need them.
Emma looked over at the clock. It was just past two in the morning, and something still felt wrong about lying in her bed. Her hands shook as she turned on the light, realizing that Killian wasn’t in bed. He and David were out tonight and Emma couldn’t remember what they were doing together honestly, but she picked up her cell phone and dialed Killian’s number.
Not even the memory of Henry and Killian sitting on the couch in the living room, working out how to make the phone more ‘hook friendly’ was enough to stop her hands from shaking. She pressed the phone to her ear as her free hand clenched and unclenched tensely.
“Love?” Killian’s voice was the sweetest sound she’d ever heard, and she didn’t mean it in a stupidly sappy way. Just in the way that she’d had another nightmare about him being murdered and that hearing him meant he was alive.
“Killian,” Emma rasped out, letting out a noise that was somewhere between a sob and a laugh.
“Love, are you all right?” Killian murmured worriedly into the phone. “You don’t sound like yourself.” She could only picture him now: hunched slightly over the phone as he tried not to clue David in as to what was happening, face pinched in concern.
“Yeah…I’m…”Emma found that she couldn’t quite get the words together and all she could do was sit there and breathe shakily.
“Emma, love, what’s wrong?” Killian asked concernedly. “Are you in danger? Has something happened to you? To Henry?”
“No,” she croaked out, because she couldn’t say she was fine because that’d be a huge lie. “I’m...” She tried to explain to him what happen but instead quietly started crying. She took a big, shuddering gasp to try and quell the tears, but the noise only made Killian more distressed. “I need you to come home,” she finally settled on, whispered and rattled through her tears. “Please.” She licked her lips as she whispered, somewhat ashamed of herself, “I had the nightmare again. So please…please come home to me because I can’t—I’m not—I just—” She was starting to get worked up again as more tears trailed down her cheeks. “Killian,” she whimpered.
“It’s all right, you’re all right,” Killian soothed. “Everyone is safe. Everyone is home.” This was their ritual, something whispered in ears, in hair, against skin whenever something was troubling them. Between the two of them, Emma realized, they had their fair share of nightmares and fears. “I’m coming home to you. I will always come home to you, my Swan.”
“You are my home,” Emma whispered in a small trembling voice, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards into a smile as she heard Killian’s delighted noise at that. She could only imagine the smile that accompanied said huff, but she wished she could see it in person.
“Can you try going back to sleep for me?” Killian requested softly. “I should be home within the hour, but you do need your rest.”
Emma shook her head. “No,” she said sharply but quietly, after realizing that he couldn’t see her shake her head. “I’m not going to bed until you come home.” She swallowed the lump in her throat and added, “I don’t think I could.”
He knew better than to fight her on this. Not when she was so worked up. “I love you,” Killian told her quietly. She took a pillow from his side of the bed and hugged it to her chest. “My gorgeous Emma, my fearsome Savior, I love you very much.”
“I love you too,” Emma whispered softly, hugging the pillow closer to her chest. The words came from her lips, unbidden and she was always delighted to know that they didn’t strike fear in her heart anymore. Trying to change the subject, she asked, “So what exactly are you doing with my father in the middle of the night when you should be with me?”
Killian laughed and Emma’s whole face lit up. She loved that sound, and she loved that she could make him let out that sound. “Jealous, are we?” he teased.
“Maybe just a little,” Emma answered, grinning as her body unwound itself from her tense posture.
“What I’m doing is helping your father craft an anniversary gift for your mother,” Killian responded.
“In the middle of the night?” Emma asked incredulously.
“Your younger brother is a notoriously good sleeper these days, so your mother must be too. Your father, on the other hand, is up at all hours all the time. It’s a prince thing,” Killian huffed playfully. She giggled a little bit and he added warmly, “There’s my Swan.”
“Are you almost done?” Emma asked hopefully, still holding his pillow to her chest. The terror was almost gone but she still wanted Killian at home with her. “Some of us have jobs in the morning and my father should be getting a little bit more than four hours of sleep.”
“You make a fair point, Emma,” Killian agreed. “All right. I’ll be home soon. Try to sleep before I get there.”
“Not a chance,” Emma replied fondly.
Killian laughed. “Stubborn as the sea, you are,” he told her affectionately. He then moved the phone away from his ear and she could hear him yell, “David! How do you turn off this infernal contraption?”
Emma smiled and hung up the phone before she turned off the light. She lay on her side, Killian’s pillow hugged tightly to her chest, but she didn’t sleep. She was on the verge of dozing off when the bedroom door opened. She sat up, just to make sure that it was him and he was really there. “Hey, you,” she whispered.
“Well, hello there,” Killian replied, stripping down to his boxers—that had been a fun shopping trip for the two of them—before he climbed into bed. Emma wrapped her arms around his neck and nestled in close. He took off his hook and placed it on the bedside table before wrapping his arms around her. He gently lay them down as he cradled Emma close. “I’m sorry,” he whispered finally. “I know it’s hard to deal with that nightmare alone.”
Emma just pressed her face into his shoulder, filled with relief that he was really all right. “What if I hadn’t saved you?” she asked. Killian held her closer. “What if I’d lost you forever?”
“Well you didn’t, and you are going to be stuck with me for a very long time,” Killian replied, rubbing her back. “I’m right here. You saved me. You will continue to save and astound me, Emma.”
“I’m scared,” Emma whispered quietly, her face still pressed into his shoulder. Killian looked down in surprise. This was new, but he didn’t say anything. “This is my home and I have a family and I don’t know how to do that. I’ve never…I’m still learning how to do that. And I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose it all. There are people who just keep coming in and sticking around and staying and I am so scared, Killian. I am not strong enough to keep going if I lose that.”
“You won’t have to,” Killian whispered, pressing a kiss into her hair. “I promise you that much—”
“But you can’t promise that! Not now! Not ever!” Emma protested. “That’s just the thing! You could promise me forever, but you could only have tomorrow!” She sighed and wiped at her eyes. “I know we shouldn’t let ourselves give our lives to this fear. I know. But I just…I’m afraid of losing all this. Losing you. I’m a coward.”
“There are a lot of things you are but a coward is not one of them,” Killian replied. “Bring afraid and being a coward are two very different things, my love.” He pressed a kiss into her hair. “You’ve been hurt a lot. It’s all right to be afraid.”
“How’d you get so smart?” Emma mumbled, nestling in closer.
“You mean I haven’t always been smart?” Killian asked in protest. But he was smiling as he held Emma closer to him. “Took me hundreds of years to realize that it’s all right for me to be scared. I worry about losing you too. All the time.” He dropped another kiss into her hair.
“I’m not letting you go,” Emma replied, pressing her forehead to his. “You’re going to be stuck with me for a very long time.” He laughed softly before he pressed his lips to hers. She returned the kiss with a gentle tenderness as she gently brushed her fingers across his cheek. “I think I’m ready to fall back asleep,” she whispered.
“Good night, my love,” Killian murmured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Emma gladly snuggled against his chest. She fell asleep like that, curled up against him. She was a warm and a strong weight against him. It centered him, and made him feel at home. His eyes fluttered shut and soon he was asleep.
Neither of them had another nightmare that night.