Archive of Our Own

Feelings were not something Katsuki had ever pegged himself as being good at, to put it lightly. It didn’t matter whether they were his or someone else’s, he had just never found it easy to understand them. It had annoyed him when he was younger, but he’d grown to be thankful that he didn’t. It wasn’t his job to care about other people, despite what his “friends” all said - especially since they were all training to be heroes. He had his own things to worry about, and if he understood how people felt, he might be held back. And he didn’t need that. He needed to keep moving forward, to help people, even if others deemed his methods to be wrong. So, when he started getting nightmares, he was angry. Nightmares meant that there was some kind of unresolved conflict in his head, or he was scared of something. And Katsuki refused to admit that he was scared, even to himself, because if he was, he would fall apart. He would fall behind. So, he did what he was best at; he ignored it. He ignored the fact that every morning he would wake up too early in a cold sweat, gasping for air. He ignored the fact that after that, he wouldn’t get back to sleep. He ignored the fact that he would spend his mornings curled up in his bed or on his floor, shaking. And he ignored the fact that he was terrified. Because he wasn’t. He was fine. He didn’t fear anything, especially not those stupid villains that had taken him. He was strong. He was brave. He was okay.

‘Bakubro?’

Katsuki looked up at the familiar voice, trying to find its owner. He must have zoned out… again.

‘I told you to stop calling me that,’ he mumbled to Kirishima, who was bent down looking at him with a weird, strangely soft, expression that Katsuki couldn’t really read. The light from above them shone down on his bright red hair, making it seem more colourful than usual and forming what looked almost like a halo over his head. He looked like an angel. Katsuki supposed that would match his personality, at least. Wait. What was he thinking? Since when did he ever think about others as angels?

‘Are you okay?’ Kirishima asked, a quiet worry at the back of his voice that Katsuki didn’t miss. He scowled at him, shoving his hands in his pockets as deep as they would go.

‘I’m fine,’ he bit out while his gaze wandered around the classroom. His classmates were piling out of the doors. Was it already the end of the day? What had he missed? He hoped it wasn’t anything important.

‘Don’t worry, we were only going over our scores from yesterday’s training. Aizawa-sensei didn’t seem to really be interested in doing anything else today,’ Kirishima said with a small laugh that made Katsuki’s heart slam against his chest. It was like he could read his mind. God, Katsuki hoped he couldn’t; that would not end well for either of them. He should be more careful.

‘I know what we were going over,’ he growled, shoving his things in his bag, frustrated. He’d been getting less and less sleep over the past few nights, and he was trying his best not to let it show, but obviously his stupid brain couldn’t get a fucking grip. Especially when he was around Kirishima, who seemed to be able to just knock (most of) Bakugou’s walls down with one simple look or sentence.

‘Okay,’ the other boy hummed suspiciously, throwing his bag over his shoulder, ‘I just wanted to make sure. You didn’t really look like you were paying attention to the lesson.’

‘Well, I was, so mind your own damn business, Shitty Hair,’ he grumbled.

‘Uh huh, okay, Bakugou,’ he grinned, and there was something about it that made Katsuki feel almost… special, like Kirishima would never smile like that at anyone other than Katsuki, which was obviously fucking dumb, because it was Kirishima. The guy that barely ever stopped smiling at all. Why would Katsuki ever be special to him?

Fuck, why was he even thinking about this? Why did Katsuki need to be special? Why did he even give a shit about this? He was Bakugou Katsuki, after all, and he didn’t think about others. And he most definitely didn’t think about anyone the way he thought about Kirishima. He didn’t need to. He had himself, and that was more than enough right now. But… begrudgingly, Katsuki knew that he didn’t want to be without him. Why would he ever want to let go of something so (annoyingly) important to him?

‘Shut up,’ he groaned, standing from his seat and elbowing him in the side. Kirishima let out another small laugh at that and made his way to the door, waiting for Katsuki. He couldn’t help but wonder why he always waited for him to walk together. Sure, they were friends, but if he was being honest, that was just another confusing question, because why would anyone want to be friends with someone like Katsuki?

It wasn’t the end of the day, Katsuki discovered, when he followed Kirishima to the changing room. They still had training, meaning he could not fuck up again and zone out.

Katsuki fucked up again and zoned out.

‘Bakugou!’

He swivelled around on the spot, eyes wide and reflexes sharp. That hadn’t been a normal shout. That was a ‘watch out, your life depends on it’ shout.

Sure enough, there was a bolt of electricity shooting towards him, and was that Deku about to run over and push him out of the way? Oh, hell no, that nerd was not going to “save” him again, no fucking way, not a chance.

Katsuki jumped out of the way, rolling over on the ground and pushing himself back up to his feet. Slowly, his head turned towards Sparky, who was standing with big eyes, and he glared at him, storming over.

Furious, he grabbed Kaminari by the front of his shirt and held him up, already feeling his hand heat up with an explosion. That fucker was going to pay.

‘Wait! He didn’t mean it! I pushed him, and his shot changed direction!’ Kirishima rushed out from beside the yellow-haired idiot. Katsuki looked over at him, then back to the boy who was looking at him in fear, trying to break free of his hold. Kirishima wouldn’t lie to him, he knew he wouldn’t, so he let go, watching as Kaminari fell to the ground. He grimaced at the shocked faces of his classmates, because of course they had expected him to blow him up anyway, even if he hadn’t meant it. Because they all thought he was heartless, right? The only person that didn’t look surprised was Kirishima, of course, because he- well, Katsuki didn’t really know why. Why didn’t he look like everyone else? Why did he look like he had known he would drop his friend? Why?

‘Get out my way,’ he decided to say, pushing past Deku and making his way out of the training building. He was too tired to stay in there, especially with everyone’s eyes on him after, well, that.

He ignored Kirishima’s voice calling out to him.

Once he was finally in his room, Katsuki felt like he could breathe. He flopped onto his bed and looked up at his ceiling, arms and legs stretched out on the mattress below him. It was plain, just like the rest of his room, which he’d barely bothered to decorate after getting it- just a few photos and an All Might poster tucked into the corner of one of his walls. He hadn’t bothered turning his lights on when he got in, so he was surrounded by a calm light from outside, the sun almost ready to set.

In this quiet, Katsuki felt at peace. There wasn’t anything to worry about, because everyone else was still awake.

When he was alone at night, he was alone. It was always too quiet, and any noise would make him jump, as much as he didn’t want to admit it. Anyone could just sneak in, anyone could- No. He wasn’t going to think of that now, because it was okay. He was okay.

At least it was the weekend tomorrow. He could stay in bed all day, try to get more sleep when he felt at least a little safer. He just wanted time to himself. He wanted to sleep, really sleep. He didn’t want to writhe around in bed the whole night, he didn’t want to be scared. Katsuki was never scared. Of anything. He wouldn’t let himself be.

It was dark outside when Katsuki came back to the real world. He could hear everyone downstairs, all far too loud. How long had he been like this? Just lying on his bed, thinking of every possible thing he could think of.

He grabbed his phone and switched it on, wincing at the bright light in the dark room. 18:00.

Groaning, Katsuki grabbed an old t-shirt and sweatpants from his cupboard and shoved them on, too tired to really care about how he looked - not that he ever actually did.

The elevator doors slid opened and Katsuki walked out, hands hidden in his pockets. He felt like he was about to pass out from lack of sleep if he was honest, but he was hungry, and they usually ate around this time, so he decided that he would try to get at least something to eat before going back to his room and hiding away from everyone.

Just as he was about to enter the kitchen, he heard two hushed voices from inside. Kirishima and Sparky.

‘Look, I know he doesn’t always show up to eat with everyone else, but… he just stormed out of there earlier,’ Kirishima said, voice sounding like he was trying to prove a point. Katsuki poked his head around the corner and saw him leaning against the countertop, eyebrows furrowed together and a small scowl replacing the usual smile on his lips. It looked wrong on him.

‘That’s really not all that weird for him,’ Kaminari pointed out, taking a swig of the drink in his hand. Who were they talking about?

‘Yeah, I know, but—' The red-haired boy sighed, his whole body falling with it. ‘Bakugou’s seemed off for a while… especially this week.’

‘Has he?’

‘You’ve not noticed?’ His eyes went wide, like Katsuki’s emotions and actions were the easiest thing in the world to pick up on and decipher. Why were they talking about him, anyway?

‘Uh, I mean, maybe? He’s seemed a little off, but I figured he was just in a grumpy mood,’ Kaminari said as he pushed himself up, walking over to the bin by the door and tossing his now empty can in. Katsuki hurried backwards, hiding behind a tall plant that was pressed against the wall and hoping that it would be enough cover so that they didn’t catch him eaves-dropping.

‘I think it’s more than just a grumpy mood, though. He’s been so… out of it, lately. He keeps zoning out in class, and I feel like I keep seeing him less and less. Oh my God, what if he isn’t even here?! The others said we should leave him alone if he’s angry, but… what if he hurt himself and he’s too much of a stubborn idiot to ask for help?!’ Kirishima suddenly pulled down on his hair, beginning to sound (and look) very distressed.

Katsuki couldn’t figure out why he seemed to care so much. Why was he even worried in the first place? Katsuki was awful to all of them, and sure, maybe he was a little nicer to Kirishima specifically, but… that still didn’t make sense as to why he would care. Barely anyone ever worried about Katsuki; he had never known if it was because he refused to let them, or if they thought he didn’t need that, because he was so strong, or… maybe they just didn’t give enough shits. But Kirishima did. Kirishima, with his huge, crazily nice and caring personality, that seemed to, for some dumb reason, care about Katsuki.

‘I have to go check on him!’ Kirishima shouted abruptly, pushing himself away from the counter. ‘He might not even be there! What if someone took him again! Oh God, Kami, what if the villains got him?!’

Katsuki’s breath hitched and his heart began to race in his chest, vision starting to make him feel a little dizzy. He watched through unfocused eyes as Kaminari grabbed his friend’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes.

‘Hey! Calm down man! He’s fine. It’s safe here. Just take a deep breath. In and out. For all we know he’s already down here and you just missed him,’ he reassured, turning around and keeping one hand on his friend’s shoulder. ‘Come on, let’s go see.’

Katsuki just didn’t understand. He didn’t understand why Kirishima cared. He didn’t understand why Sparky was pretending to care. He didn’t understand why his damn heart was racing like this. He just… didn’t get it. None of this made any fucking sense.

Once again, that stupid thought came to his mind as he watched the two boys walk away. As he looked at the way Kirishima’s gaze lingered on the elevator doors before he followed his friend, eyes on the ground, lips turned down ever so slightly. That stupid thought that, maybe, Katsuki liked Kirishima more than he wanted to admit.

‘Um… Kacchan?’

Katsuki turned around, eyes wide, and looked up at the boy staring at him with a confused eyebrow raised. Instantly, he shot up from his spot on the floor and curled his hands into fists, already feeling smoke rising from his palms.

‘SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DAMN NERD!’ he shouted, pushing past him into the kitchen and grabbing one of the last plates of food left. Katsuki would never admit it, but he appreciated when his classmates left dinner for him. Or any meal, really.

‘Are you okay? You look kinda pale—’

‘I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP,’ he repeated, storming out of the room and making his way back to his own, where he could eat his food in peace and not have to deal with any of this shit. He was fine.

Just as the elevator doors were shutting in front of him, he heard Deku’s voice from the common room.

‘Does anyone know why Kacchan was hiding behind a plant?’

Fucking Deku.

After a few hours of stewing angrily in his room with barely anything to do but think about whatever came to mind, Katsuki began to get antsy. He was tired, but he refused to sleep until it was absolutely necessary. Fuck, even just stomping about his room and sitting on his bed had made him think about the nightmares. He couldn’t get away from them, apparently.

He would just try to work out, but the problem with that was that it was half nine, meaning he would only have half an hour before curfew, not to mention that everyone knew he went to bed at half eight, so they would all probably start getting suspicious if they saw him outside at this time. But, did he really care? Did he have enough energy to give at least a single fuck?

No, he decided, he really didn’t. If he didn’t get out now, he was going to blow the entire building to smithereens and he was pretty sure no one would appreciate that, especially his parents, who would probably have to pay the school to rebuild it. So, yeah, he thought that maybe he should just suck it up and do what he needed to while he still had the time. Afterall, he really didn’t want Aizawa putting him under some dumb house arrest again.

So, there Katsuki was, storming past his classmates who, by the way, were doing an awful job at concealing their shocked faces, and swinging the front door open to get outside. Once he was at one of the many training fields the school had, eyes stinging (which was definitely because of the cold air whipping at his skin - nothing else), he raised his arms as high as he could in the air. He’d been pacing around in his room for so long that he’d built up quite a sweat, and with his running to get here as fast as he could, the nitro-glycerine levels were fairly high, so he willed it all into his palms and closed his eyes.

The explosion was loud. Birds instantly flew away from wherever they’d been perched around the campus.

He let out another one, then another, and another, just imagining that it was Shigaraki he was blowing up. He let out more and more, each one almost just as powerful as the last, until his arms started to hurt, and he couldn’t explode anything anymore without feeling the intense strain in his muscles.

He stood there, in the middle of the field, breathing ragged and far too torn up for Katsuki’s liking, but he was just so tired.

He headed back to the dorm at five to.

His classmates just stared at him when he burst back in through the doors, breathing still too fast, eyes still too glassy looking, heart still way too fast. There was no doubt that they hadn’t heard the explosions; they had been pretty fucking powerful ones.

‘Bakugou?’ He didn’t care enough to think about who had called out to him. There was really only one idiot that would do so anyway.

‘Fuck off.’ He hated how painful and broken his voice sounded. He hated it, he hated it, he hated it.

If anyone heard Katsuki punching his wall a few minutes later, no one commented when he walked past them all a while later to take a shower.

They also didn’t comment on the fact that he didn’t leave for a long time, just sitting under the water and getting wrapped up in thoughts he didn’t want to think about.

‘You’ll never be a hero!’

Katsuki shot up in his bed, barely able to breathe. His eyes stung with the want- no, the need to cry. He couldn’t get that asshole’s face out of his head. That stupid villain, he’d ruined Katsuki. This was all his fault. Their fault. Fuck, Katsuki just wanted to sleep! He wanted to be right when he said he was okay, but his fucking brain wouldn’t leave him alone. It was like it wanted to torture him and continue to ruin his life.

Feeling hot and claustrophobic under his covers, Katsuki pushed them aside and stepped out of bed, willing his shaky legs not to give out from under him. They failed him.

‘Ah!’ he yelped, falling to the floor. It wasn’t a loud bang, but it sure as hell wasn’t quiet either. Damn, he was just grateful that there was no one else there to see him.

Slowly, he pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, letting his head fall. His whole body was shaking; he was unable to think of anything other than those dicks. What if they were going to take him again? What if they took someone else instead? What if it was Kirishima they took?! They wouldn’t, right? They would know that he would never join them; Kirishima was far too kind, too heroic. He couldn’t even turn evil if you injected pure malice and hatred into his bloodstream- he was annoyingly, almost awe-inspiringly good-natured. And anyway, they couldn’t possibly know about Katsuki’s feelings towards him. Katsuki barely even knew about them.

Creeeaaakkk.

It was from outside. Outside of his room. Oh God. They were here. They were here and Katsuki was frozen on his floor. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t get away and they were going to-

‘Bakugou?’

Katsuki’s head shot up, his heart racing, cheeks wet. Had he started crying? He must have.

Standing in his doorway, was Kirishima. His eyes were wide, his mouth agape slightly. Katsuki let out a quiet, shaky breath, his vision going blurry as a new wave of tears that he couldn’t stop overtook him.

Before he could really process what was happening, Katsuki felt a pair of arms wrapped around him, pulling him forward. And, because he knew it was Kirishima, he relaxed. His entire body melted into him, his head pressed to his chest where a loose grey t-shirt sat, and he cried. For once, he didn’t think about being seen as weak, he didn’t think about being made fun of for crying, he didn’t think of anything but Kirishima. Kirishima who made him feel safe, who made him feel like he could show his true self. Kirishima who he definitely liked more than a friend. He knew it, he needed to stop denying it, because… he was scared. He was scared because he’d never felt this before. He was scared because Kirishima would never like him back. It already made no sense that they were even friends, so, for him to ever think romantically about Katsuki? It was stupid. He didn’t deserve his love, he didn’t deserve anything from Kirishima. It was one in the fucking morning and the boy was in his room, just hugging him while he sobbed into his chest, for God’s sake. Why did he get to have this?

Katsuki wasn’t sure when it happened, but after a while, Kirishima’s hands began to stroke through his hair, and he felt himself calm down, the sobs slowly becoming sniffs, and then just… nothing. He felt exposed, but strangely enough, there was some part of him that didn’t mind. Some part that, in this pathetic state, wanted Kirishima to know what was wrong and just keep hugging him, keep stroking his hair and whispering that it was going to be okay, that he was here.

‘Hey, you okay now?’ he asked after a while of silence, his voice hushed and soothing. He pulled away so that he could look Katsuki in the eyes. Kirishima was frowning and Katsuki hated it. It just looked wrong on the usually cheerful guy. He wanted to smooth out the creases in his forehead but decided against it. That would be really weird.

His heart was still beating too fast, but it had slowed down a decent amount. Everything about this moment made him feel so vulnerable, and Katsuki didn’t think he had ever really felt that, not even when the villains had taken him. He hadn’t allowed himself to even consider it for a second; but here, and now? He felt like he had just told Kirishima everything about himself, even though he knew there was so much he didn’t know. He must have been so confused.

‘Sorry,’ he croaked out. He had never imagined showing this side of himself to anyone ever. He had always kept it hidden, barely even letting himself acknowledge its existence, but here he was. He didn’t know what to say, or how to act.

‘Don’t be,’ Kirishima replied, sitting in front of him on the floor. There was so much concern on his face that Katsuki almost felt overwhelmed.

‘You’ve been having nightmares, haven’t you?’ he asked then, looking down at his hands, fiddling nervously with the fabric of his pyjama pants. Katsuki’s eyes widened; how did he know?

‘I hear banging in your room sometimes… at night. And you’ve also been tired, like, constantly,’ he explained, once again as if he could read his mind. ‘I was really worried about you earlier, y’know. When I heard the explosions, and when you spent like… an hour and a half in the shower. I didn’t know what to do.’

‘Oh.’

‘Bakugou, why—' Kirishima looked up at him. ‘Why didn’t you tell anyone? I mean, I know you have this whole “reputation” or whatever, but… I could’ve helped, if you had told me. Or maybe Recovery Girl could’ve given you something to help you sleep.’

‘I just—' Katsuki sighed, eyes moving to the wall farthest from him. He couldn’t tell him the truth, he would probably just find it dumb. Deep down, even Katsuki knew that suppressing his feelings was doing him no good, but if he voiced it out loud, he would probably be called stupid, and as confident as he was in himself, and as much as he didn’t care if others liked him or not, he couldn’t help but flinch at the idea of Kirishima not being his friend. Not pushing him to hang out, or to take care of himself. Not calling him out when he was rude. Life would just feel wrong without Kirishima.

Katsuki wondered when he had let himself get so attached.

‘You what? Are you scared? You wanna prove that you can handle yourself? Because you don’t need to, man. I know it’s hard to admit to yourself… but asking for help doesn’t make you weak.’

Katsuki’s eyes darted in his direction, wide and shocked; how did Kirishima always know what he was thinking? How did he make his heart beat faster every time he said, well… anything?

Kirishima’s eyes moved up to his face for a second, then down to his hands, and began absent-mindedly playing with Katsuki’s fingers. Katsuki looked down at the action and felt his face heat up at the feeling of his best friend’s fingers, surprisingly soft, on his own.

‘You’re not weak, y’know. You’re, like, the manliest guy I know. You’re strong, and even though you’re like, always angry, you carry on. It’s normal to be scared. You’re human, just like me, just like All Might. You don’t need to be strong all the time,’ he said, and his voice was so soft, so genuine, that it made Katsuki’s eyes prickle, because apparently he hadn’t cried enough tonight. If it were someone else that had come into his room tonight to check on him, he knew that he would’ve screamed and sworn at them, told them to get the fuck out of his room, but… this was Kirishima. The boy that made him feel so at peace. The boy that he was starting to realise he liked a lot more than he’d initially thought, and right now, was sitting in front of him on his floor, surrounded by darkness, the only light being the moon that shone through the open curtains to his balcony. It was Kirishima that was calming him down and not judging him for how messed up his brain was. It was Kirishima who cared about him.

He didn’t really know what to say, because he knew that a simple ‘thanks’ wouldn’t be enough. So, in this weird moment of feeling like they were the only people on Earth, he pushed his hands forward and intertwined their fingers, not looking up at him. The only reassurance he was given that this action was okay was that Kirishima squeezed his hands, ever so slightly, but it was enough. It was enough for him, and it probably would be for the rest of his life. He wished he could have this for the rest of his life.

‘Bakugou?’ the voice was quiet, soft. Katsuki lifted his gaze to Kirishima, whose eyes were fixed on him, sleepy but determined.

‘Yeah?’

‘Are you gonna be okay?’

Katsuki looked down at their hands. He knew he wouldn’t be, but he was right now. He was so okay right now that a small, naïve part of him, said yes.

‘I’m gonna be okay.’

‘And you’ll get help? You’ll tell Recovery Girl? You’ll talk to me?’

‘Yeah, I will.’

Kirishima smiled. He looked like, subconsciously, he knew Katsuki was lying, but he seemed to have that same small voice in his head that was telling him to drop it, because for now, this felt like enough for the both of them, and neither of them wanted to ruin this moment, whatever it was. Comfort? Hope? It felt so fragile. Katsuki felt so fragile. Kirishima’s hand in his was the only thing holding him together.

However, after a while, Kirishima’s fingers slipped out of Katsuki’s and he got up to leave. Katsuki wanted to tell him to stay, wanted to tell him that he felt safe around him, but Kirishima looked tired. Just because he couldn’t sleep properly anymore, it didn’t mean that other people shouldn’t get that. So Katsuki said good night, thanking him for helping him out and telling him that he would be fine.

He wasn’t fine.

Katsuki groaned, looking at his alarm clock. Monday, seven a.m. The bane of his existence.

Katsuki had spent the whole weekend (hiding) in his room, mainly his bed, and had barely left it at all. Whenever he did leave, to get food or something, he made sure not to be seen by anyone. He felt sick after barely eating, and his eyes were decorated with big, dark purple-blue bags. He hadn’t slept once. Not since Friday night. It wasn’t like he had actively tried not to sleep, but every time he had laid down and rested his eyes, all he could see were the villains, each one of them crowded around him. If the others hadn’t been there… if Kirishima hadn’t been there, he could’ve been killed. He probably would’ve been. All Might could’ve been killed as well, and who knew what would have happened to the rest of the world if the symbol of peace had died instead of defeating the guy he was fighting.

‘How can you be a hero when you can’t even save yourself?’

That was another thought that had been going through his mind all weekend, thanks to Nightmare Aizawa scolding and expelling him. He looked and felt like shit, but there was nothing he could do, so he got up and got ready for school, movements exceptionally slow.

He had been downstairs for about ten minutes and was eating his breakfast when several of his classmates started showing up. He kept his head down, and it seemed to be enough for everyone to know that he wasn’t in the mood to talk today, until…

‘Oh, look! Bakugou’s finally out of his room!’

Katsuki shifted his gaze from his food to the people standing a few feet away from him, but he decided against moving his head to glare at them; he’d found the perfect position to sit in so that people wouldn’t see his face, and if he moved, everyone would see, and he couldn’t be bothered dealing with that until he was in class with a teacher and they couldn’t comment on it.

Sero, Kaminari, Ashido and Kirishima all stood there, grabbing seats beside him with their food. Kirishima chose the seat next to him, and fuck, Katsuki knew that he was going to see. He knew he was going to comment. So, instead of having to go through that right now, he stood up, took his food to the kitchen, and disposed of it, despite only eating about half and still starving.

‘Coward.’

‘Idiot.’

‘You’ll never be able to face off against a villain if you can’t even face your own thoughts.’

Katsuki wasn’t actually completely sure why he did it. It was probably some fucked up combination of his exhaustion, stress and panic. The voices just wouldn’t stop and had been rattling on all morning, belittling him and making him feel even worse than he already did. They were so loud, so intensely deafening, that he suddenly had the irrational urge to shut them up in case anyone else could miraculously hear those words, and even worse, agree with them. He just wanted them to shut. UP!

Katsuki felt the blast from his own palm slam against his temple, felt the flash of pain and smelled the smoke. Then, he heard a spoon clatter. He heard a gasp. He saw his classmates staring at him, could feel Kirishima’s eyes burning holes into his skin, and he knew it was because of the bags and his pale pallor, because he had just fired off his quirk at himself, but he just ignored them all. He grabbed his stuff and ignored Kirishima’s voice frantically yelling his name, asking him what the fuck was that, and he ignored Sero’s whispering that he didn’t look good, ignored Kaminari asking Iida if they should get him and tape him to the wall or something. He just marched out of there and set off on the path, taking a longer route to class so that he could avoid other people. So that no one could find him, if they even tried to look.

Katsuki spent the first five minutes in the classroom on his own, appreciating the quiet; however, that didn’t last long, because soon enough, people were coming in, talking to each other cheerfully. Ugh, what was wrong with them? Who could be that positive at this time on a Monday morning?

When Kirishima walked in, Katsuki felt his hands tingle with a want to hold something. To hold him. Katsuki grimaced and balled them into fists, crossing his arms over his desk and hiding his head in them. Maybe he could get some sleep before Aizawa came in. Maybe he could just ignore Kirishima.

‘Hey man!’

His nails pushed into his skin.

‘Bakugou! Hey!’

It hurt.

‘Bakugou?’

He didn’t want to talk about it.

‘Dude?’

He let Kirishima down.

‘Bro?’

He told him he would be okay.

‘Bakugou, seriously, stop ignoring me man.’

He lied to him.

‘Bakugou…?’

He had made a mistake, letting him in.

‘Katsuki?’

He was sure he was bleeding, if the pain in his palms was anything to go by.

‘Baku—'

‘Kirishima, leave him be; he’s obviously not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. If you keep it up, he might just blow up again.’ Kaminari. He was right. Katsuki wasn’t safe. He was a bad person, that’s why the villains had wanted him.

‘But—’

‘Seriously bro, just give him some time.’

Katsuki pushed his nails in harder, hoping that the pain would distract him. Maybe he’d lose enough blood that he’d pass out and wouldn’t have to look up, wouldn’t have to feel Kirishima’s stare on the back of his head for the whole day. At least it would mean he could rest, right?

Fuck, he didn’t want to be here. He felt so sick. He just wanted to sleep peacefully, he wanted to go back to before all of this. Before he’d been captured. Before he’d realised his feelings for his friend. Before Friday. He’d messed up. He’d allowed himself to be vulnerable. He’d shown himself in a new light. A weak light.

‘Bakugou.’ The voice was stern. Aizawa? When had he gotten here?

Katsuki lifted his head and was suddenly greeted by a light that was way too bright. His hands hurt so goddamn much.

‘What.’

‘Are you present?’ the teacher asked, voice already fed up despite it being the start of the week. Katsuki felt about the same.

‘Right here.’

Aizawa sighed but left it at that and moved on with the register. Katsuki brought his hands closer to his face and unfurled them. Sure enough, there were spots of blood where half-moons dug into his palms. He could feel Kirishima’s eyes on him, just as expected.

He was so tired.

‘”Is any of this even real, she wondered. She couldn’t see herself anymore; when she looked in the mirror, it was someone else. A pale faced girl with bags under her eyes. These nightmares were going to ruin her. They had already started to tear at her soul, already started to break her down. She didn’t know what she was going to do if this kept happening. She just wanted to sleep. She wanted to breathe. She wanted to be okay, but what if her mind never let that happen?”’ Uraraka closed her book and put it down on her table. It was lunch and she had decided she was going to read a segment of her depressing-ass book to her friends. Go figure the entire class would listen, meaning that Katsuki had to. Fuck, he hated how much he felt like he could relate to that. What kind of cruel trick was the universe playing on him?

‘Wow, that’s…’ Deku started, looking a bit taken aback.

‘Tragic?’ Ashido finished for him. ‘What kind of heart-breaking stuff are you reading?’

‘It just reminds you of the negatives in life. It ends with her confessing to her love and getting rejected; she’s forced to live the rest of her life alone, completely broken. He was the only one that could love her for who she really was, and not even he wanted her. It’s sad, but beautiful,’ Uraraka explained, and holy fuck, this book sounded like the story of Katsuki’s life. If he ever let Kirishima know how he felt, that is exactly what would happen. He was volatile. Crazy and unpredictable. Who could love that?

Katsuki slammed his hands down on the table and got up from his seat. He couldn’t take this anymore. Everyone’s voices were too loud, and it felt like, on some level, his classmates were talking about him. It sucked.

‘What’s wrong with Mr Grumpypants now?’ Ashido asked, laughter in her voice. Katsuki pushed past her, slamming the door open. He didn’t even bother responding. He was just… too tired. He just wanted to rest. He wanted out of this stuffy room, filled with annoying, loud people.

He didn’t even bother closing the door, just stormed away to the only place he knew people wouldn’t find him. He shoved his earphones in, trying to drown everything out as he looked out at the rest of the world from the roof.

After lunch, it was time for training.

Once they had all gotten changed and were out in Field Gamma, All Might told them what today’s task was.

‘It’s been a busy week for you all, so it’s just going to be some normal training. You can spar with each other, set up groups and fight each other gently… or train your bodies and quirks more. You’re free to use the whole arena, but if you need help with anything, please don’t hesitate to come tell me and I’ll help out!’ he explained, voice deep and unfitting for his thin, tall stature.

Now, usually when they got to spar in class (and out of class) Katsuki would work with Kirishima, seeing as his quirk allowed him to take Katsuki’s blows without taking any real damage, and also because he was the only person Katsuki could stand for more than two minutes at a time, but today Katsuki decided that maybe fighting with him wouldn’t be such a good idea. He didn’t want to hurt him, or anyone else, and he was too tired to have to pay attention to his surroundings. Today he would just work on his quirk, not that it really needed it. He was already powerful as—

‘If your quirk was perfect, you could’ve gotten out of Kamino on your own,’ the voice in his head said with what Katsuki could only picture as an evil smirk.

‘Bakugou—’

‘I’m working on my quirk,’ he said, his voice sounding more tired than he’d meant. He really wasn’t doing a good job at hiding all this shit anymore. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kirishima’s shoulders fall a little. Probably in relief. It was always relief with everyone else; why would Kirishima be any different?

Katsuki watched from where he was frozen on the concrete as the group of villains approached him, trying to take him again. Why wouldn’t they leave him alone?! Hadn’t they realised that he wasn’t going to go with them? Did they really think he was that bad of a person?

‘No one around to even try to save you this time, Bakugou Katsuki,’ Shigaraki laughed, hands stretched out to grab him and turn his skin to dust. The fire guy and blood girl were standing on either side of him, and just behind was the guy that had taken him in the first place; that asshole guy that had squished him into some weird little ball. He had been taken without the others even noticing. Did they really hate him that much that they had… let them take him?

‘Compress, Dabi, go get him,’ Shigaraki ordered, hands still at the ready in case Katsuki tried to run.

‘Awww, I wanted some of his blood to play around with!’ Blood Girl cried, leaning up to her boss. He grimaced.

‘You can do that later,’ he yawned, watching with amusement as the two men approached Katsuki. They reached out for him, evil grins on both of their faces.

‘Young Bakugou, how is your train—’

‘GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU ASSHOLE!’ he screamed, turning around and trying to jump away. He tripped over a bit of rubble on the ground and fell face-first onto the concrete, smacking his head off it.

‘Wha- Bakugou!’ That voice was familiar. Another of the villains he hadn’t spotted? Probably.

‘GET HIM!’ Shigaraki shouted. Katsuki turned around and looked up in complete and utter fear at the villains sprinting at him.

‘FUCK OFF! GET AWAY FROM ME! STOP FUCKING TRYING! I’M NOT A FUCKING VILLAIN! I’M NOT GOING WITH YOU ASSHOLES! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!’ He was going to cry. He couldn’t cry. He couldn’t let the villains see how much they were affecting him. He couldn’t let them know he was scared.

He fired off his quirk in the direction of the villains who were fast approaching, hoping that it would stall them long enough for him to escape. He heard a yelp of surprise and took that as his queue to start scrambling away, but then he heard that familiar voice once again, breaking through his panicked haze.

‘Bakugou! They’re not here! It’s just All Might! It’s just me! Snap out of it!’ Kirishima yelled, lifting his head and looking him straight in the eyes. Katsuki tried to focus in on him, but all he could see was fear. Of course, it was fear; everyone was scared of him. That’s why they thought he’d make a good villain.

His breath hitched at the realisation that he’d just attacked his best friend.

‘Ki- Kirishima?’

‘Yeah, man, it’s me. It’s okay. You’re safe,’ he said, voice soft and warm. Katsuki didn’t miss the shake to it though.

‘Where did they go?’ he asked; his voice sounded so… small.

‘They were never here, Bakugou.’ Kirishima’s face took on a worried look, ‘It was just All Might.’

Katsuki looked up then, and that’s when he noticed that about half of Class 1-A was staring down at him with varying looks of… concern? Nervousness? Katsuki didn’t know. He didn’t stick around long enough to find out. He picked himself up off the ground and sprinted the fuck out of there, back to the dorm. To the roof, where hopefully no one would think to look for him, if they even cared enough to search.

‘BAKUGOU WAIT—YOU’RE BLEEDING!’

Katsuki found that he didn’t care.

Five hours later and he was still up on the roof, lying on his back, now looking up at the night sky. Out here, he couldn’t hear anything other than the sound of nature, the occasional noise of someone walking past the dorm building to get to their own. It was just so peaceful. Just Katsuki and the stars, and the throbbing pain in his head that wouldn’t go away.

Until there was a knock on his door.

He tried to ignore it, just kept his eyes directed to the sky, but then there was another knock, muffled from below, but still loud enough that he could hear it from outside. Then another. Then his name, and then the sound of the door opening and his name again. Kirishima.

‘Why is his balcony door open if he’s not out there...?’ the boy asked quietly. Katsuki wondered if someone else was with him.

‘Hm, not sure,’ Sero’s voice replied, a little louder.

‘Ugh, where else would he be?’ Kirishima asked, his voice taking on a worried tone that was becoming far more familiar to Katsuki than he would like.

‘Maybe he went for a walk?’ the other supplied.

‘Oh God, I hope not. He was hurt and he just ran away. He’s such an idiot! Why can’t he just talk to someone? Obviously, there’s something going on with him; I mean, you saw what happened in training. I just wish he would stop acting like he’s fine when he’s not—’

‘Maybe he’s just having an off day…?’ Sero interrupted his rambling, trying to calm him down with logic.

‘No, he’s been—’ he seemed to catch himself before he said something he would regret. ‘You haven’t noticed that he’s been… weird lately? Like, weirder than usual?’

‘Kinda? I didn’t see him all weekend. It was like he was actively trying to avoid everyone, which to be honest, isn’t all that new for him.’

‘Yeah, but…’ There was a sigh. ‘I don’t know. I’m just really worried about him. What if he’s bleeding out somewhere because he was too stubborn to get help?’

As a matter of fact, Katsuki hadn’t felt the need to go to Recovery Girl. It was just a cut. He could deal with it.

‘He’s still smart enough to know not to ignore an injury, though,’ Sero said, and Katsuki agreed, although this barely counted as an injury, so he didn’t need to go. ‘Maybe he just went for a late-night training session.’

‘He goes to sleep at half eight, Sero,’ Kirishima replied in a deadpan voice.

‘Yeah, I know, but maybe he couldn’t sleep. Let’s just go check it out, okay? We need to look everywhere before we go get a teacher.’

‘Right. Okay.’

Katsuki looked back up at the stars when he heard the door click shut. Just him again. Just like it had always been. Just like it always had to be.

‘Bakugou. Idiot. Asshole bitch man.’

Katsuki opened his eyes, only slightly, and let out a quiet groan. He didn’t even remember falling asleep. Who the fuck was talking to him like that?

‘I’m taking you to your bed, okay? And I’m gonna clean your cut. You’re lucky I found you before we had to tell Aizawa-sensei. He would’ve been angry if he found out you didn’t get your head checked,’ the voice said, quiet and soft, but a hint of what was probably frustration. Katsuki felt himself being picked up and instantly knew it was Kirishima. Only that idiot could carry him like it was nothing.

Katsuki dug his face into his chest and wound his arms around his neck, groaning again. He was so tired.

The skin beneath his hands was warm, a blessing on his cold fingers. It was hard, yet soft. Undoubtedly Kirishima’s.

‘How’re you feeling?’ He felt more than heard the question. Katsuki pushed his fingers under the red hair and wondered, if he looked up, would he see a face to match that colour?

‘Head hurts,’ he mumbled, wanting more than anything for his whole body to be the same temperature as his hands. How long had he been outside for?

The walking stopped and Katsuki pulled his head away to tilt it at him in question. The other hero-in-training was looking at him with unease. He snapped out of it fairly quickly though and shook his head, starting to walk again as he reached out and opened the door to the stairwell.

‘Idiot. You give yourself a concussion by blowing up your own head this morning and then you fall on concrete and start bleeding, and you still don’t even go to Recovery Girl. You’re an idiot.’
Katsuki just groaned, too tired to get angry at him for the multiple insults.

Kirishima sat Katsuki down on his bed, making sure his back was up against the wall.

‘Wait here, okay? I’m gonna go get the first aid kit from the kitchen,’ he explained, walking toward the door hesitantly.

‘It’s my room, idiot. Obviously, I’m not gonna leave,’ he muttered, but as soon as Kirishima was out of the room, he stood up and wobbled lazily to his bathroom, left hand pressed to his head.

He struggled at first, especially with having to see his sick-looking face in the mirror- he was such a mess, fuck- but he eventually managed to get his contacts out and put his glasses on. They were big black nerd glasses. Katsuki hated them, but he barely wore them, so he had just never gotten new ones. It didn’t really matter anyway, if anyone even dared to call him a nerd, he would kill them.

He brushed his teeth too, and then made his way back to his bed. He only got to lay there for a minute before Kirishima was rushing back in, holding a small green case. He paused when he saw Katsuki looking at him.

‘You—' he cleared his throat, ‘you have glasses?’

‘Yeah? What’s it to you?’ Katsuki raised an annoyed eyebrow at him, watching as Kirishima’s face seemed to get darker; he just assumed it was his mind playing tricks on him.

‘Oh! That’s um—that’s cool. Sooo cool. Awesome. Super—’

‘Fuck you, Shitty Hair!’ he shouted, curling in on himself.

‘But I didn’t—’

‘Fuck off! They’re just fucking glasses, asshole.’

‘Ri-ight… well, move over a bit, so I can check your head,’ he said, swallowing as he walked over and sat in front of him. ‘Okay, you got a torch?’

Katsuki grumbled, but let it go, too tired to argue anymore. He grabbed his phone and pressed his finger on the torch button, passing it over wordlessly.

‘Thanks!’ He held it in front of Katsuki’s head, inspecting the cut. It wasn’t deep, and it wasn’t infected, Kirishima knew at least that, but it was still pretty big, and there was dried blood all around it, trickling down his face and leaving deep red stains.

‘One sec,’ he said, running to the small bathroom, coming back with a wet cloth a few seconds later. ‘Hope you don’t mind me using your stuff, but this is kinda important.’

Katsuki just shrugged and tried to hold in his blush when Kirishima leaned in closer and pressed the soft fabric to his head, dabbing lightly, before swiping it down his face to his jaw and then back up again.

‘Bakugou… what—’ he swallowed, avoiding eye contact. ‘What happened earlier, in training?’

Katsuki looked down at his lap, suddenly wanting to be very far away from both here and this conversation.

‘Don’t wanna talk about it.’

‘Okay, I get that, but—’

‘I don’t. Want. To talk about it. Okay?’ he looked back up then, into his eyes with a firm glare that meant there was no negotiating.

‘Idiot.’

Katsuki didn’t argue, because, even though he hated it, Kirishima was right about him being an idiot. He was so damn right, but that didn’t mean that Katsuki was gonna open up about his feelings. Not again. He was too much of a mess and he didn’t want Kirishima to pity him any more than he probably already did. He was the only person that never really looked down on him. Katsuki didn’t think he would be able to deal with it if he started to. So, instead of shouting at him for the insult, he shifted his gaze to his hands, fidgeting as the other finished cleaning his face.

‘Bakugou, I—’ Kirishima sighed, pulling the cloth away. ‘You said you were gonna be okay.’

Katsuki shrugged, watching as the other boy pulled out a square of gauze and some tape and pressed it to the cut. He had said he was going to be okay. He had told Kirishima that he would tell Recovery Girl, get himself some meds or something. He had said he was going to look after himself, but then he’d spent the whole weekend barely eating, only sleeping about half an hour each night, and had then broke down in the middle of training where half of his classmates had seen it happen. What if he had actually hurt All Might? Or Kirishima? Or anyone else? That would just make him as much of a villain as the league thought he was.

He was going crazy. He hadn’t let himself think about it earlier, when he was on the roof. He’d just thought about the stinging at his head, the way the pain seemed to spread throughout his whole body. He’d listened to music and thought about home, just anything to distract him from what had happened, but now he was starting to lose control of his thoughts again. He’d thought he could handle this, get control over this whole thing before it got too bad, but he was wrong. He had started hallucinating in the middle of the day, dammit! How was he supposed to fix this? How did he stop it?!

He curled in on himself, trying to keep his breathing steady. ‘I am.’

Kirishima moved his head so he could see Katsuki, finally finished fixing up his cut. Katsuki felt like he couldn’t breathe. He needed to get him out.

‘Bakugou—’

‘Get out.’

Kirishima’s eyes widened; he hadn’t been expecting that.

‘What? Baku—’

He needed to say something that would make him leave. He needed to be alone.

‘Get out of my room, Kirishima! Leave me the fuck alone! Stop following me around like some god-damned dog! Mind your own fucking business for once!’ He lifted his head and couldn’t help but wince at the hurt expression on his friend’s face.

‘I’m just worried about you, man,’ he said in Katsuki’s least favourite tone. Anything negative on Kirishima felt wrong.

‘Well, I don’t need you to be! Now, GET OUT!’

Kirishima hesitated, reaching his hand out. Katsuki smacked it away. He just wanted him to leave, was that too much to ask?!

‘GO THE FUCK AWAY!’ he shouted this time, not caring if he woke anyone up.

Kirishima looked taken aback, mouth pulled into a frown, eyebrows furrowed. Fuck, Katsuki had done that. It was his fault this time. It was always his fault, wasn’t it?

‘Just—leave me alone.’ He turned around at that, unable to stand that expression on his best friend’s face any longer. He only fell back when the dip in the bed evened out and the door shut quietly. He heard a sharp breath and then a hushed stream of ‘idiot idiot idiot’ before the door next to his opened and closed.

Katsuki had wanted to sleep. That was all. He just wanted to close his eyes for at least an hour and just be able to relish in some kind of undisturbed sleep. However, of course, that did not happen. For once, it wasn’t even because of nightmares too. This time he just… couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t even keep his eyes closed for more than a few minutes at a time without losing his shit.

He hadn’t thought it would happen to him. He’d always thought he was too strong, but no, he’d gone insane. He’d been thinking it ever since he’d gotten Kirishima out of his room. For hours, he’d been thinking about how he was crazy, and about how he was never going to be a hero if he couldn’t handle a few nightmares. Heroes went through traumatic shit all the time, but he never saw them freaking out over it like he was. He’d also thought about what a shit friend he was. What a shit person he was. Kirishima didn’t deserve the crap Katsuki gave him. He didn’t deserve any of it. None of the shouting, the swearing, the viciousness… he was too good for Katsuki. Too good for someone with such a volatile nature.

Fuck, this is what he meant when he said he was going insane, because not only was he dealing with hallucinations and back to back nightmares, he was also thinking about how other people felt. He never used to do that. He never used to give a fuck about anyone… but maybe that was why the villains had thought he would be better with them.

Katsuki had been planning on going to class, he really had. He hadn’t missed a day of school since he was six, but today, he found that he couldn’t convince himself to leave his room. It was enough of a struggle just getting out of bed and walking to his desk, or his small bathroom. He wasn’t sure if it was the sleep deprivation, or maybe the fact that he was barely eating, but he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t work up the courage to face anyone, especially Kirishima, not after how much of a dick he’d been last night. He regretted it, he hated being genuinely rude to him, but he’d panicked. He’d started to freak out and all he’d known was that he needed to be alone.

He definitely hadn’t spent the past few hours breathing too fast and choking back tears. Definitely not.

But, anyway, he had wanted to go to class. He hated missing things because that meant he had to catch up, that meant that he missed out on potentially important things. It meant that he couldn’t see his (unfortunately) friends, or Kirishima. He had to miss out on seeing his smile, seeing his enthusiastic fist bumping. He just hated being absent, but there was really nothing he could do about that today. He just couldn’t move.

At first, he’d been fine. He’d been lying on his bed, staring up at his ceiling, feeling sorry for himself, but… after a couple hours, it had felt like the walls were closing in on him. Every creak, every little noise made him jump. He felt like he was being watched, like someone was going to appear suddenly and just take him without a sound, just like what had happened at the summer camp. No one would even know what happened. He would just be gone. They’d probably think he’d just ran away or something. Maybe they wouldn’t even notice. Maybe they wouldn’t care. It would make sense that way, Katsuki didn’t deserve to be cared for. He was an asshole, after all.

There was a creak, and Katsuki fell off his bed, his body slamming into the floor. He groaned, curling into a ball and pulling his duvet down to fall over him.

This was not good. He could never be a hero if small noises terrified him this much.

Katsuki had no hope, and he blamed it all on the league of fucking lowlife villains. Fuck those guys.

It was around the time when his classmates would be having lunch that Katsuki saw the villains again. In his panic he didn’t even stop to think that maybe, just maybe, it might not be real.

‘Thought you could get rid of us, huh? Come on, hero, you should know better than to think we wouldn’t keep trying,’ Shigaraki said, amusement in his voice as he edged closer. Katsuki was pressed up against his wall, barely able to breathe. It felt like there was no oxygen, it felt like he was trapped. He couldn’t get out. They were going to take him. Not again. He- he couldn’t do this again. He couldn’t deal with it again! HE COULDN’T GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN!

‘GET AWAY! FUCK OFF! LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M NOT—’ he gasped for air, ‘I WON’T GO WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING DICK! GET OUT OF HERE! I’LL—’ another gasp, ‘I’LL KILL YOU!’

‘You really don’t look like you could do that right now, Bakugou Katsuki. You’re a mess, but you think you can even touch us?’ the blue-haired freak laughed this time, the sound grating to Katsuki’s ears.

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do it. No. No. NO!

Katsuki lifted his hands and started sending explosions at where they stood in the doorway to his balcony. He just wanted them to go. Why wouldn’t they give up? Why wouldn’t they stop?!

Katsuki stopped.

The glass shattered.

He blinked.

They were gone.

Fuck.

Katsuki stared down at his hands, both covered in blood, tiny shards of glass digging into the skin. He raised his head to look absentmindedly at where the villains should have been standing, but most definitely weren’t, because they hadn’t actually been there. He didn’t really have much hope anymore in getting back to who he used to be, did he? He was probably going to start caring about everyone now… ugh, even the thought made him shiver.

He knew he had to go see Recovery Girl, but he didn’t know how. What was he supposed to say? He got angry and blew up his balcony door? That would go down well. It wasn’t like he could just not tell her, or some other teacher, that it was broken. It needed to be fixed. He just didn’t know what he could tell them without being punished because ‘Bakugou, you need to control your anger’. Damn, he was probably going to get put on house arrest again. Or maybe worse. Katsuki supposed it depended on what kind of mood Aizawa-sensei was in.

Katsuki didn’t bother knocking on the nurse’s door, just walked into the room and over to Recovery Girl. It wasn’t like he could do so anyway, not with his hands like this.

‘You’re supposed to knock, Bakugou,’ she sighed, swivelling around in her chair. ‘What can I help you wi—’

Katsuki held up his hands so she could see them. They were still bleeding. Badly.

‘Dizzy.’ Was all he said, walking over to the bed closest to him and sitting down on it. He felt like he was going to pass out.

‘What happened?’ she asked, hurrying over to one of the many cabinets that sat in her room and pulling out a few things. Katsuki wondered how much blood he had lost on his way here. He’d taken the long way in order to stop himself from being seen by anyone. He was pretty sure it was the end of the school day now.

‘Balcony door shattered,’ he shrugged, avoiding her gaze by looking down at his lap instead.

‘Doors don’t shatter on their own,’ she pointed out, pulling her chair over and climbing on it. Katsuki just shrugged again.

It was hours until Katsuki got to leave.

First, the old lady had taken out the glass, then she’d washed his hands, but they’d continued to bleed. She’d wrapped them up with bandages instead of kissing him with her quirk; Katsuki had simply refused to let her go anywhere near him with her lips. Really, he could do with it, the stinging was painful, but he knew that if he let her, he’d just be way more exhausted than he already was, and he was planning on never sleeping for the rest of his life, so that wouldn’t really work very well. She had given him a suspicious look but had said nothing else on the matter. She had, however, told him that he needed to stay there and rest for a while, because, despite not losing so much blood that he needed a transfusion, she didn’t like how pale he looked. She wanted to keep an eye on him for a while, in case he passed out. He had still lost a lot of blood.

After a while of him just sitting there, reading one of the books from her shelf, she had left the room and come back with Aizawa a few minutes later. He’d scolded Katsuki and tried to force the truth out of him, but he found that he just didn’t care enough to cooperate. Maybe he was finally getting used to this whole thing? Fuck, he hoped so.

‘Look, I was feeling sick all day and I heard a loud ass fucking noise and I guess I was on fucking edge or something and I just aimed an explosion at the door in, I don’t fucking know, defence or some shit,’ he gritted out, arms folded over his chest. ‘Can I fucking leave now?’

‘No.’ Aizawa sighed. ‘Get some food first. You look starved.’ He walked out then, leaving Katsuki to swear after him.

It was dark when Recovery Girl finally deemed Katsuki fit to walk back to the dorms. She told him to go see her if he started feeling weird. Katsuki just shrugged.

When Katsuki got back in, half of his classmates were sitting in the common area, all taking part in several different activities. He ignored the few whispers he heard about him, people questioning why he didn’t show up to class.

When he got to his floor, he heard frantic shouting. Coming from his room. What the fuck.

‘WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?!’ he yelled, storming over to stand in the doorway. Inside, Kirishima, Sero, Kaminari and Ashido all seemed to be arguing over something, all of them standing in front of the broken balcony door. They turned around to look at him. Katsuki wondered why they looked relieved. Why would anyone feel like that around him?

‘Bakugou!’ Kirishima shouted, running over to him. He looked as though he were about to hug him, but he stopped when he saw the bandages covering his hands. Seeped in red.

‘Holy fuck,’ Sero whispered, also looking at his hands. Katsuki looked back at Kirishima.

‘What happened?!’ he asked, almost sounding as frantic as before.

‘The door exploded. I got cut when I tried to clean some of it up,’ he explained, eyes moving to the floor. Why was he acting like Katsuki hadn’t been an asshole last night?

‘Are you okay? Did you see Recovery Girl? Is that where you’ve been all this time? Why were you gone so long?’ Why did he care?

‘I’m fine. Yes. Yes. She wouldn’t let me fucking leave,’ he pushed past him. ‘Happy? Now get out. All of you.’ Why did anyone care?

‘Wait but—’ Ashido tried to persist.

‘Get out. I’m fucking tired.’

This time, Kirishima didn’t protest. He nodded, albeit with hesitance, and left. The others followed behind. Katsuki locked his door and curled up under his duvet, settling in for a long night. He knew there was a nightmare coming, and he knew it was going to be a bad one. Maybe even the worst one yet. He hadn’t felt this uneasy since he’d been kidnapped. Since he’d been chained up, unable to move as the villains tried to ‘recruit’ him.

Fuck, he hated this feeling… like he was in danger. Like something was about to pop out of nowhere and kill him. It was like some weird kind of fucking spidey-sense, but without the part where he got bitten by a radioactive spider.

He lay in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. It felt like the darkness of his room was creeping in on him, getting ready to snatch him and take him away as soon as he closed his eyes. And he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to close his eyes, but the exhaustion in his body was starting to take hold of him, his eyes drooping every few seconds. His heart was beating too fast, like it was shouting at him to stay awake. He didn’t want to have a nightmare. He knew he was going to, and he knew it was gonna suck. He didn’t want that. He just wanted to sleep peacefully. He didn’t want to be a stupid character from his classmate’s stupid book that had stupid nightmares and had a stupid crush that would never be fucking returned. He wanted to be okay, and even though there was still a part of him trying to convince himself that he was, there was a larger part telling him that he wasn’t. Because what kind of person that was okay had nightmares like this? Hallucinations like this? He probably wouldn’t ever be okay again. He hated it. He hated it so much. More than anything else. Because he really, really just wanted to sleep.

His eyes started to close one more time before he shot up and jumped out of bed, heading over to the wall and switching the light on. He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t. He couldn’t deal with these nightmares anymore. He couldn’t watch himself miss Kirishima’s hand again. He couldn’t watch as All Might shouted at him for being irresponsible before he was shot down by All for One.

He just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t let himself sleep. He wouldn’t.

He fell asleep in class.

Katsuki reached for Kirishima’s hand, his arm stretching as far as it could as he continued to let explosions unfurl from his other to keep up the momentum. He was going to do it. He was going to catch his hand! He was finally gonna get away from here!

Kirishima let out a soft, satisfied sigh as their hands smacked together. He looked so relieved. Katsuki’s heart was beating insanely fast. He was about to open his mouth and call him an idiot when he felt his hand slip. The other boy’s eyes widened in fear, but it was too late.

Katsuki fell through the air, wind pushing and pulling at him. He reached his hand out, trying desperately to grab hold of Kirishima’s hand, but it was no use.

Katsuki hit the roof of the building with a loud thud and several cracks. He screamed out in pain, skidding backwards. His eyes stung; it hurt so much. Everything hurt so much.

‘Good job, you managed to free yourself!’ Shigaraki grinned, walking forward and clapping slowly. When had he gotten here? When had he caught up? Katsuki had thought Mt. Lady had stopped him; maybe he had imagined it? He must’ve. He could see from here that she was lying on the ground unconscious.

‘I tried not to believe it, but it’s true. You really are going to become a villain,’ Deku said quietly from where he stood at the edge of the roof, trying to stay as far away from them- from him, as possible. Katsuki looked and saw Iida next to his friend. Kirishima stood in front of his body, between him and Shigaraki.

‘Midoriya, don’t. Bakugou’s not a villain! His hand just slipped! Help me protect him!’ he shouted; Katsuki couldn’t see him, but it sounded like he was crying. He wondered if he himself was crying. It would make sense, he decided, as he watched blood pool around him. It was probably his.

‘Ah, so noble, so loyal, so… idiotic,’ Shigaraki laughed, running forward to Kirishima. The boy jumped out of the way, hardening his arm and trying to push him away, but as soon as he was in close, the villain’s hand clasped around him.

Katsuki heard himself scream his name as Kirishima fell to the ground beside him, blood spurting from both of his arms. He couldn’t move. He needed to move. He needed to protect him. He had to! He had to save him from this psycho! Why weren’t the other two helping? Was it really that easy for them to believe that Katsuki was evil? That he would ever want to become a villain?

‘This is all your fault!’ Deku shouted at him, running over and picking Kirishima up. ‘We’ll defeat you, Kacchan!’

‘I—’ he tried to speak. ‘I’m not turning on you! I’m not a villain!’ he cried. They didn’t listen though, they just turned and ran away. ‘Deku! Kirishima! Don’t leave m—’

Shigaraki let out a chaotic laugh as he reached down and picked Katsuki up by the arm. His skin began to flake off.

‘See, they don’t need you. They don’t want you. You’d be better off as a villain. It’s who you’re meant to be!’ he grinned. ‘Here, I’ll show you how easy it is to be evil. To assist in someone’s death.’

Katsuki watched with blurry eyes as Shigaraki ordered a Nomu after the U.A. students.

‘KIRISHIMA!’ he screamed as the boy was pulled from Deku’s grasp and smashed between the beast’s hands. Blood spurted out, trailing down its hands. The evil laugh in his ear was the last thing he heard before everything went black.

Eijirou’s eyes drooped as he listened to Aizawa drone on about hero laws. He knew that it was important, and he really should be paying attention (Bakugou was probably going to shout at him when he showed up at his room asking for help), but it was just boring, and as much as he liked his teacher, the way he muttered always tended to put him to sleep when they were talking about topics like this.

He looked up from the small mark on his desk that he’d been intensely staring at when there was a sharp inhale from the left side of the classroom.

‘Kirishima—’ the voice was broken. Desperate, even. His eyes shot over to where it had come from. Bakugou. He’d know that voice anywhere.

The boy was sat at his desk, entire body sitting bolt upright. His hands were shaking, curled up into fists on top of the table. There were small trails of red dripping from his hands. B-Blood?

‘Bakugou, if you’re going to interrupt the lesson to talk to your friends, go outsi—’ Aizawa’s eyes moved from the rest of the class towards the boy. They widened when he saw the sight in front of him. Eijirou didn’t look away, eyes locked on the boy, but he could tell that the whole class were gawking. Because Bakugou was staring straight ahead at the wall, tears streaming from his eyes.

‘Bakugou…?’ Eijirou asked hesitantly, watching as his head snapped towards him, his breathing way too fast for Eijirou’s liking. Before he could even get out of his seat to get a closer look at him, Bakugou was scrambling out of his seat and bursting out of the room.

‘Bakugou!’ he shouted, reaching out his hand, as if that could stop him. Why had he said his name like that? Why had he even said it in the first place? Why was he crying? Why was his breathing like that? Why was he clenching his fists so hard that he was bleeding?

Eijirou had been looking at him for a while during the start of the class, a soft smile on his face as he had watched Bakugou nod off to sleep, head resting on his arms that were stretched across his desk. Maybe he’d had a nightmare? It didn’t seem that unbelievable.

Bakugou had told him he would get help, when they had talked on Friday night, but since then he had been hidden away all weekend, had come out of his room on Monday morning with bags that looked painful, had completely panicked in training, and then, that night, he’d been missing until Kirishima had found him asleep on top of the roof, shivering his butt off under the stars and dried blood trailing down his face. And now this. Now Bakugou had sprinted out of the classroom. After choking out his name in the most heart-breaking voice he’d ever heard. And everyone’s eyes were switching back and forth from Eijirou and the door.

‘Aizawa-sensei, I—’ his head whipped around to look at his teacher, ignoring the rest of the class as they began to whisper between themselves.

‘No. Stay here, and if you even think about getting out of that seat, you’re expelled,’ the pro hero stated, walking towards the door. Eijirou looked at him, could feel his own eyes burning, and he didn’t want to cry, because he had to be strong for Bakugou, but he couldn’t get his face out of his own head. He couldn’t stop the replay of those wide eyes, those tears, the voice that had been used when saying his name. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to do as his teacher had said, hoping that maybe he could get that picture out of his mind, but if anything, it was just more vivid now. He couldn’t just leave his friend on his own, not after- after whatever had just happened, happened.

‘Aizawa-sensei, please. I-‘ he shot up from his chair, hands slamming down on his desk as the man reached to open the door. ‘Bakugou’s my friend. I need to be there for him. Please just- …It’s a hero’s job to make sure people are safe, and right now, I know he’s not safe. I know he’s not been safe for a long time, and I know more about this than anyone. I know what he’s thinking about, I know about what he’s going through right now. I know that I can help, so please let me! Please let me save my friend!’ He squeezed his eyes shut again, trying to keep the tears at bay.

‘Kirishima…’ he heard Ashido whisper his name from her seat, like she was trying to get him to calm down. Like she was worried.

He opened his eyes and met his teacher’s.

‘Please. I can help. I promise.’

Aizawa looked back at him for a few silent moments, seemingly thinking his options over. Then, he let out an exasperated sigh before giving him a small nod, opening the door.

‘Fine, you can come. Everyone else, stay in your seats.’ It wasn’t up for discussion. Eijirou pumped his hand in the air before wiping his eyes.

‘Thank you, Aizawa-sensei!’ he shouted, following him quickly.

‘Mm.’ He shut the door behind him, then turned to Eijirou. ‘Do you know where he is?’

Eijirou thought back to the other night, thought back to the image of Bakugou on the roof of the dorm building. Maybe he was there.

‘I… have an idea?’

‘Why would Bakugou be on the roof of the dorms?’ Aizawa asked as he and Eijirou walked up the last flight of stairs.

‘Um, well, I found him here the other night. He’d fallen asleep,’ he explained, stopping when they got to the top. ‘Aizawa-sensei, I know it’s your job to help and you were really nice to even let me come this far, but please can you let me see him first? He’s probably gonna be really fragile and scared and I just want to make sure he’s okay before you talk to him. If that’s okay?’

The teacher looked at him for a few seconds before nodding and grabbing the door handle.

‘Okay.’

‘Thank you!’ he tried not to shout. Aizawa opened the door.

‘Wait here, please,’ Eijirou added, as an afterthought.

Katsuki pushed his head farther down into the space it was hiding in-between his knees and chest at the sound of the door to the roof opening. His breathing was still too fast, and he was still crying. He couldn’t get the image of Kirishima’s body being smashed to smithereens out of his head. He couldn’t get Shigaraki’s voice out of his head.

‘See, they don’t need you. They don’t want you. You’d be better off as a villain. It’s who you’re meant to be!’

He felt like he was going to throw up.

‘Hey, man,’ the voice was timid. Quiet and soft. He looked up and saw Kirishima kneeling in front of him because, of course, he wasn’t actually dead. He hadn’t been killed. Katsuki felt his breath hitch at the small, concerned but comforting smile he was given. Then he was sobbing again, because Kirishima really was here. He was right in front of him. He had noticed that he wasn’t okay and he had come for him. He was alive.

‘It’s okay, let it out,’ he whispered, sitting next to him and snaking his arms around him. Katsuki tucked his head into his neck, pushing his arms around his waist and grabbing onto the fabric of his school blazer at his back like it was the only thing grounding him to reality.

He hated that he was being so open, hated that he was crying like a weakling into his crush’s neck, but he couldn’t find the energy to be angry at himself, or to stop, because he was just so upset, and tired, and traumatised, and relieved. Because Kirishima was here. He hadn’t been killed by the Nomu. His classmates and teachers hadn’t called him a villain. They’d believed in him. They’d trusted him, or at least Kirishima, enough to come save him.

‘You wanna tell me what happened?’ the red-haired boy asked, calming and comfortable as ever, a tone in his voice that let Katsuki know that he wasn’t being forced to say anything. His grip on the blazer tightened.

‘No one believed me.’ His body let out another sob. ‘He killed you. I had- had to watch as it- it killed you.’ He saw it again and shoved his face deeper into Kirishima’s neck, trying to push the memory away. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Kirishima. I should have saved you. I’m a bad person. He was right. Shigaraki was- he was right. I’m a bad person. I’m not suited to be a hero. I’m not—’

‘Hey.’ Kirishima pulled away from Katsuki, but he kept his eyes squeezed shut. ‘Look at me.’

Katsuki opened his eyes, looking down as blurry hands pulled his to the spot where their laps met.

‘Look at me, Katsuki.’

He looked up, eyes on Kirishima’s. He could see the silent question on his face, asking if this was okay. He gave a small nod, because his name felt right when Kirishima said it.

The boy lifted one of his hands and wiped his thumb under his eye, trying to make the tears vanish. Then he lowered it again and took both of Katsuki’s hands, intertwined their fingers together. And his face changed into one of the most serious, angry expressions Katsuki had ever seen on him.

‘You are not a bad person. You’re not a villain. Everything Shigaraki says is complete bullshit,’ he said it with such ferocity that Katsuki felt his heart thump too hard in his chest. ‘You’re a good person. Sure, you get angry easily, and you’re a dick sometimes, but you can work on that. We can work on that. Just because you don’t know how to control your temper, it doesn’t mean that you’re not good. It doesn’t mean that you’re not a hero. It doesn’t mean that you’re not my hero.’ He squeezed his hand. ‘And look, you feel that? That’s me. I’m here. I’m still alive. I’m breathing, and I’m feeling, and I’m talking. I’m not going anywhere, okay? You wanna know how I know that? Because I know you’ll be there to save me if I can’t do it myself. Because you’re a hero. So, don’t you apologise, okay? Don’t you tell me that you’re sorry, because you have no reason to be. None of this was your fault. You being taken was not your fault. Your feelings, your nightmares, none of it is your fault. You’re one of the toughest, bravest, most courageous guys I know, and I’m so proud of you for going through this. I’m so proud of you for being so strong, and for not giving up on who you are. I didn’t doubt for a second that you would turn on us, you know that, right? I trust you, okay? You’re not a villain. You were never supposed to be a villain.’

Katsuki nodded, feeling his confidence slowly begin to drain back into his body from the puddle it had created around his body. There was something about hearing it from Kirishima’s voice, hearing the words ‘you’re not a villain’ come from him, that made him believe it. He believed Kirishima, because he trusted him. Because, as much as he was scared to admit it, he might love Kirishima. His mother had once told him that he would know when he was in love with the right person because everything would just click into place. Everything would just feel right, and that’s what Kirishima did. He made things feel right. He made Katsuki feel like he could be good, no matter what everyone else said.

Kirishima leaned in and rested his forehead against Katsuki’s, closing his eyes.

‘I trust you, Katsuki.’

And there it was. Everything felt like it was falling into place, like a jigsaw fitting together after so much work of trying to put it together himself. He hated how cheesy it was, but it was true. It was real in a way that nothing had ever felt before.

Katsuki felt his eyes slip closed too.

‘I trust you too, Eijirou.’

Kirishima pulled away from him and Katsuki opened his eyes, frowning at him as he tilted his head to the side, studying him. A small, amused noise slipped out of Kirishima’s mouth, and then he was laughing. Lighting up the whole goddamn roof with those eyes and that fucking smile.

‘S-Sorry, it’s just- that sounded like a love confession coming from you, man,’ he said once his laughter had subsided. Katsuki smirked, taking his hands away from Kirishima’s and leaning back on them. In his sudden confidence boost, he decided that he could do this. Because fuck, if that wasn’t the gayest thing he’d ever done. He’d be really fucking surprised (and embarrassed) if it turned out Kirishima didn’t like him back after that whole forehead touching, hand holding charade.

‘Maybe it was.’

The laughter stopped very suddenly and Kirishima looked at him in shock, eyes wide. A deep shade of red quickly made its way up the boy’s neck and face, settling at the tips of his ears. His skin almost looked as red as his hair.

‘You- Wha-‘ he sputtered out. Katsuki grinned and leaned in.

‘You like me too, Shitty Hair?’ he asked, getting onto his knees so that he could comfortably lean in further. Kirishima swallowed and nodded.

‘Shit, since when were you this flirty?’ he asked, voice wobbly. Katsuki grinned, lacing his fingers with Kirishima’s with one hand and cupping his jaw with the other.

‘Hm, not sure. Why?’ he leaned in closer.

‘You just- what happened to your bad mood?’ Kirishima asked. He sounded a bit concerned. Katsuki shrugged slightly.

‘You make me happy.’

‘Holy shit,’ Kirishima breathed out.

‘Can I…?’ Katsuki asked, tilting his head slightly. Kirishima nodded before leaning in himself and closing the distance between them.

It felt right. Kirishima and Katsuki’s lips just fit together so perfectly, like they were a part of the jigsaw themselves, like they completed it. It was a bit awkward sure, their teeth clashing together, noses bumping, and Katsuki was sure that Kirishima could tell it was his first kiss, but it was good. It felt right. Katsuki kept saying that in his head, over and over again. This was right. It was right. It was what he had been subconsciously waiting for, for so long.

He pulled away slightly, looking at him and trying not to let himself look too hopeful. A small smile spread on Kirishima’s lips and he brought his hand up to the back of Katsuki’s head, fingers carding through his hair as he brought him back in, this time his mouth opened a little wider to deepen the kiss. Katsuki felt himself shiver a little. He blamed it on the wind.

His heart pounded in his ears and he seriously hoped Kirishima couldn’t hear it too, couldn’t tell how desperately he had wanted this. It felt like he was clinging onto him, like Kirishima was his life support. He felt important, like if Katsuki let go, he was going to lose him again.

He’d been dangling from the cliff of his sanity for months, and when he’d started hallucinating on Monday, he’d slipped, finally falling into the endless abyss of anxiety and lunacy with nothing for him to grab onto and save himself. But, once again, Kirishima had taken his hand and pulled him back. He’d saved Katsuki again.

His head was spinning. He had never really thought he would get this far, never thought anyone, never mind someone as good as Kirishima, would like him like this. He had always gone through life thinking that he would be alone, and he was perfectly fine with that, but now, as he sat on the roof of the 1-A dorms, holding Kirishima in his hands, he realised that he really didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t want to be without him.

‘Hey, Katsuki?’ the red-haired boy pulled away from him, but not too far, resting their foreheads together again. Katsuki looked at him, at his soft smile, his wide, crimson eyes that were gazing so lovingly at him he felt like he might pass out.

‘Hm?’

‘What would you do if I told you Aizawa-sensei has been standing behind those doors since I came out here?’

Katsuki pulled away, heat rising in his body as it flooded with embarrassment.

When Aizawa came outside, Katsuki’s hand was pressed to Kirishima’s head, letting off harmless firecracker explosions at his hardened skin and hair. He was laughing, trying to push him away, but it was useless.

‘Bakugou,’ Aizawa’s voice broke Katsuki out of it, and he let go, taking a small step away.

‘We’re going to Recovery Girl, and I’m going to need you to tell us what’s going on,’ he said, hands shoved in his pockets. Katsuki’s eyes widened a little, the thought of saying it all making his mind freak out. He looked over to Kirishima who was standing beside him, looking at their teacher. He gave him a small, encouraging smile and took his hand in his, squeezing it. Katsuki turned back to Aizawa, took a deep breath, in and out, and nodded once.

‘Okay.’

Both Aizawa and Recovery Girl told him he was going to have to start therapy. They said it would help him, both with the nightmares, the hallucinations, and with his anger, and anything else that he was struggling with mentally (which was kind of a lot). Aizawa told him that if he didn’t go by the end of the week to at least schedule an appointment with the school therapist, he would take him there himself and do it. Katsuki had told him he would do it; it would be way too embarrassing if his teacher had to walk him there and sign him up for it.

Recovery Girl told him that she was going to contact his parents and explain the situation to them, she wanted to get him medication to help with the nightmares, but she couldn’t do that without their permission. He had told her he didn’t want to be in the room when she called them.

Kirishima— Eijirou, had held his hand the entire time, grounding him.

The sun was setting when Katsuki and Eijirou got back to the dorms.

‘Katsuki?’ his voice was hesitant, like he wasn’t sure if he should say what he was going to say.

‘What is it?’

‘Do you--‘ He gulped, fiddling with his fingers. ‘Do you want to… go out? Like, at the weekend? To… see a movie? Or something?’

Katsuki looked at him, eyes slightly wider than normal. His heart was pounding in his chest, and could it stop that?

He swallowed down his nerves and bumped Eijirou with his shoulder, a (nervous) smirk growing on his face.

‘I was gonna ask that, idiot.’

Eijirou looked up at him instantly, hope obvious in his eyes.

‘Is that a yes?’

Katsuki found himself wanting to be the reason Eijirou smiled.

‘Yes, dumbass,’ he rolled his eyes and took the other’s hand in his, trying to get him to stop fidgeting. Eijirou gladly accepted and a smile as bright as the fucking sun spread on his face. Katsuki wondered if it was possible for him to go blind if he looked at it long enough.

‘Yes!’ he shouted, pumping his other fist in the air, voice filled with light laughter. He cheered it like it was an achievement, like it was something to be happy about, and Katsuki had to turn away to hide the blush that he knew was settling on his cheeks. Eijirou was making him way too soft, damnit.

Before Katsuki even knew what was happening, Eijirou was leaning in for yet another kiss, albeit this one was quick, before pulling them both into the dorm building, his smile just as big and toothy as earlier. Katsuki realised that he couldn’t find the strength in himself to look away from the boy as he led them both towards the elevator.

Once the doors had closed behind them and they had ignored the stares directed at them from the common room, Eijirou leaned in and rested his head on Katsuki’s shoulder.

‘You look tired,’ he said quietly, wrapping his arms around his waist.

‘You sound tired,’ the blonde replied, resting his head on top of the red hair that was starting to fall into a more natural state.

‘Mm,’ Eijirou let out a noise of agreement and buried his face in his neck. Katsuki tried to ignore the feeling of his face heating up.

‘C’mon, idiot,’ he said, trying to keep his voice level as he walked over to his room when the elevator doors opened. He was about to walk in when he felt a hand pull him back.

‘What—’

Eijirou leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Katsuki’s lips. ‘Can I come watch a movie with you?’

Katsuki looked him up and down, at his hands holding onto his, at the relaxed grin on his face. He took his hand away and pushed his door open.

‘Get changed first,’ he said as he walked in, closing it behind him. From outside his room, he heard a delighted “Yesss”. His heart fluttered and let out a shorty, breathy laugh.

Eijirou entered Katsuki’s room six minutes later in his softest pyjamas and with a pile of old assorted DVDs to put in Katsuki’s laptop. The blonde tried to suppress his smile when he saw him struggling to get inside, hair down and framing his face.

‘Took you long enough,’ he yawned from where he sat at the corner of his bed, back resting against the wall and laptop whirring faintly from his lap.

‘Sorry, I was trying to find movies you would like! I also brought some that I like, in case you felt in the mood to watch something different. I think some of these are also Kami’s. He left them in my room from when we watched a movie the other day.’ He huffed as he sat on the bed next to Katsuki, pressing his shoulder against him and letting the DVDs fall on his now outstretched legs. ‘So, what do you wanna watch?’ he asked with, like usual, the cutest smile in the world.

‘That one?’ Katsuki pointed at The Emperor’s New Groove, one he knew Eijirou loved. The smile he got in return could probably have blinded him if he wasn’t so damn used to marvelling straight at it.

‘Sure! Thanks, man!’

Katsuki just shrugged and put the disc in his laptop, moving the screen so they could both see it easily.

After a while of watching the movie, Eijirou’s head flopped onto Katsuki’s shoulder tiredly. He decided to stay quiet, definitely not because he was in fear of his brain being unable to form words. Fuck, was this how Deku felt when his words went all jumbly? Katsuki didn’t want to think about that, so he just rested his head against Eijirou’s and continued watching the movie.

He also didn’t comment when their hands mysteriously intertwined, and how it was all he could think about for the rest of the night.

‘-ey. Hey, Katsuki, wake up.’

Katsuki groaned, eyes squinting open as he felt something push at his ribs. Light was leaking in from what he assumed was the window, and honestly, it was really pissing him off, so if the sun could just stop shining, that would be grea—

Dammit, Eijirou needed to stop being so fucking bright too, how dare he. Wait—Eijirou? What was he doing here?

‘Eijirou...?’ the name felt funny on his tongue still, but he liked saying it.

‘Morning,’ he hummed, face coming into view. Katsuki was greeted by a gently upturned mouth and unruly dyed-red hair.

‘Mmh… mornin’,’ he croaked out, moving to sit up, slowly enough so that Eijirou knew to move, lest he be smacked in the head by Katsuki’s.

‘You’re cuddly when you’re asleep,’ Eijirou said quietly, a hint of amusement in his voice, but also maybe… fondness? Katsuki wasn’t overly sure.

‘Shut up,’ he mumbled, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

‘Mhm,’ Eijirou yawned and crawled across the bed to get closer to him.

‘What time is it?’ Katsuki asked, trying not to focus on how he and Eijirou had fallen asleep together and that they’d been cuddling all night without him even knowing.

‘Umm, ten?’ Eijirou answered as he snaked his arms around his waist, digging his face in his neck and breathing in contentedly. Katsuki could feel him smiling against him. ‘Maybe half ten?’ he corrected himself. Then Katsuki froze, processing that.

‘Don’t worry, man, we’re not late for class,’ Kirishima said hurriedly. ‘School’s off for the rest of the week. Someone in the support department set off their quirk accidentally and I think it damaged part of the school or something? I’m not really sure, I just woke up to a stream of texts earlier from Kami saying that Aizawa-sensei had come in and said that classes were cancelled. Ashido’s apparently started asking around, and… yeah.’

‘Stupid morons,’ he mumbled. ‘But really, ten? In the morning, right?’ he questioned, moving around to look him in the face. He ignored the small pout he was given in return.

‘Yeah, why?’ The expression turned to concern, ‘You okay?’

‘I- I haven’t slept that long for months,’ he mumbled, looking the other boy straight in the eyes.

‘Really?’

Katsuki nodded.

‘I guess that means I’m magic, then?’ he grinned, soft and sleepy. ‘We should sleep together more often.’

‘Pffft, watch how you word your sentences, Ei,’ Katsuki nudged him, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He wondered if maybe Eijirou was right though, in some weird way. Katsuki was still going to accept and take the medication for his nightmares, but maybe Eijirou could also help with the situation. Maybe Katsuki could sleep again. He could get everything he wanted. He could be the opposite of that stupid book character from that stupid book Uraraka was reading.

‘Watch how you interpret my sentences, Kats,’ Eijirou responded, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, a sly smile on his face, ‘I didn’t know you thought that way.’ Katsuki felt his face heat up exponentially.

‘SH-SHUT THE FUCK UP, SHITTY HAIR!’ he shouted, chasing after Eijirou when he scrambled off the bed and swung the door open, running away. ‘GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE SO I CAN BEAT YOU THE FUCK UP!’

‘Sorry, Kats, I’m not quite ready to give you my ass!’ he shouted, letting out a cackle when Katsuki’s pale face turned an even deeper shade of crimson and a (harmless) explosion was shot towards him.

‘FUCKING- WHAT- STOP- SHIT- FUCK-‘

‘Aw, you a bit flustered there?’ Eijirou asked with a grin as he continued to run away from Katsuki, making his way down the stairwell.

‘DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!’

‘Nah, I don’t feel like it today, and anyway,’ he jumped over the last few steps and ran to open the door, ‘you love me way too much for that!’

‘OH MY FUCKING-‘

Eijirou kept laughing as he ran to the common room, seeking cover from his boyfriend.

‘Hey guys,’ he huffed out as he jumped over the sofa from beside where Kaminari and Sero sat, hiding behind it.

‘Um… hey? What’s going o—’ Sero was interrupted.

‘Where. Is. That. Dick.’ Katsuki said. Eijirou grinned from where he crouched down, unable to keep his mouth shut at this point.

‘Really, Kats? I mean seriously, you’re just setting yourself up for these now. Like, I know you like me, but you’re not getting my dick just yet,’ he said, trying his hardest not to laugh so he could get the whole thing out. He heard Kaminari spit his water out, heard a few gasps, some suppressed giggles. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that when almost the whole class was in the room.

‘FUCKING- EIJIROU I SWEAR TO GOD, I WON’T MAKE YOU BREAKFAST IF YOU DON’T FUCKING STOP,’ he shouted, reaching over the back of the couch. Eijirou put his hand out to stop him.

‘You’ll make me food?’ he asked excitedly. Katsuki’s cooking was a godsend.

‘Shit- yes, obviously, fuck’s sake Ei. I’m not a complete ass,’ he said in defence. Eijirou nodded and smiled, taking his hand and accepting the help to get out from behind the sofa.

‘I know, thanks,’ he smiled, not letting go of his hand as they made their way to the kitchen. ‘Anyway, I was wondering. What do you think? Kats, or Suki? I’m thinking Kats is better, but Suki is also really cute, so I want your opinion.’

‘I’d rather you just call me Katsuki, idiot,’ Katsuki said, surprising everyone not just because of his statement, but also because he wasn’t even trying to hide the amusement in his voice.

‘Noo, that’s too boring. I like Kats. I’m gonna go with that.’

‘Wow thanks,’ Katsuki replied sarcastically, shoving into his side lightly.

‘You know what I mean!’ Eijirou shouted as they walked into the kitchen. Then he added on quietly, ‘Well, I guess that’s one way to let them know we’re dating.’

Katsuki snorted.

‘HOLY FUCK!’ Several screams came from the common room, almost as if on cue. Eijirou wasn’t sure if he should laugh or wince.

‘Sorry, Kats.’

Katsuki only shrugged, opening the fridge and pulling some ingredients out. ‘I don’t care, just keep them away from me. Especially while I’m working. But, always would be good too.’

‘Alright!’ Eijirou shouted enthusiastically, nudging him with his elbow for the comment before running back to the others, almost like a child off to go play with his friends. Katsuki decided that this time, for once, he wouldn’t suppress his smile. Not just because he wanted them to be jealous that he had Eijirou, but also because… after so much time of feeling like he was trapped in a darkness he would never escape, he finally felt good. He finally felt like he would be able to sleep. Like he was okay. He was going to be okay.

After so long of never really understanding emotions, after so long of feeling like he would never be a good person… he felt like maybe he could. He felt like, now, he was starting to understand people. Understand himself. And smiling might let everyone know that.