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Tony is contently rubbing deep conditioning serum into his ends when the frosted glass door clatters open.
His body freezes up in panic, his pulse races as he realizes he's going to be attacked — slain in the shower naked as the day he was born, body discovered laying beside a bottle of $3,000 hair product.
The real tragedy is the loss of the conditioner. The conditioning serum is hand made, so only a hundred bottles are made per year.
The panic edges off a bit as a cold hand metal hand curls around his bicep. "Did I scare you?"
Winter. It's just Winter. It takes a moment before that thought can register, Tony gathering his wits back around him, his imminent death fading down to a slight possibility of demise instead. Why the actual fuck was Winter in his bathroom? Halfway in his shower?
"What the fuck are you doing?" He is still working on calming himself so he can’t help the hysterical edge it has.
The metal armed man blinks at him, slow and confused. "I was saying good morning," he explained and suddenly brightened up with a wide smile. "That's how you make friends — I read online. Step One: you have to be friendly."
Oh. Tony's pulse is still rabbiting away as he finally manages to cover his crotch — not that Winter hasn't seen everything already. "Friends don't barge in on each other naked." Tony tries to keep the venom out of his voice but it was difficult when he is so exposed. "For love of Christ, man, go! Get out!"
Tony may as well of cussed him out. The smile fades to hurt and Winter utters an apology as he slinks out of the bathroom. Tony takes a moment to catch his breath and tells Jarvis to automatically lock his bathroom door from now on. "I can't believe you let him in here," Tony adds angrily.
"He was no threat to Sir's wellbeing. He wished to tell Sir good morning." Tony has given the AI far too much expression because it sounds an awful lot like Jarvis is scolding Tony for not being thrilled at the violation.
"Well, in the future," Tony grits his teeth. "don't."
"Very well Sir. Sargent Barnes will no longer be granted access to your floor."
Tony lets that order sit while he washes the product out of his hair. A feeling oddly similar to guilt twists in the pit of his stomach. He has no reason to feel guilty — Barnes is unstable, no matter who he ‘is’ at the time — Tony could have been murdered just now! Also, how did anyone lack the common sense not interrupt someone showering?
"Has...Winter...been trying to make friends long?" Tony cringes as he asks, fearing the answer and the responsibility the knowledge will carry with it.
"Regretfully privacy policies do not allow you access to that information." Jarvis says which surprises Tony a bit before he realizes why and rephrases the request.
"I don't mean his search history, Jar. Like, talking to other people about it."
"Ah, my apologies sir," there is a momentary lag as Jarvis accesses and picked through all the audio he had available to him. "Winter has mentioned 'becoming Tony's friend' twelve times in the last eight days. Sam Wilson suggested he make friends, to give Steve more space, and you were the first pick. Congratulations Sir."
Yes, Tony has given the AI far too much access to emotions. And now he feels like a dick for kicking Winter out. But Winter isn’t a charity case and Tony Stark has plenty of friends so he definitely doesn’t need any extras. He has the Avengers, probably, and he has Rhodes, Happy (or does he count as an employee?)... Pepper! He has Pepper who is an awesome friend/lover. Maybe more of latter but lovers still count as friends, right?
Tony exhales in defeat as he buttons up his suit, now standing in front of the mirror in the walk-in closet. "Jarvis?"
"Yes Sir?"
"Sargent Barnes is allowed access to the floor. Just not my bathroom while I'm in it...so long as he isn't coming to, y'know, murder me?"
"Very well Sir." Jarvis sounds pleased.
"And Jar?"
"Yes Sir?"
"Please let Winter know that I say 'good morning' and that maybe we can get the gang together for a movie tonight or something."
"Sir, if I may — Winter might interpret these actions as 'friendship'. Do you still wish to proceed?"
AIs weren't supposed to be this smug. "Yes, I want to proceed. And never mention this to me again." He adds sourly.
"Very well Sir. Might I say, it is nice to see you making new friends."
"Keep it up, Jar. I could always upgrade to a new system." Tony says with heat in his cheeks.
"My apologies," Jarvis still sounds smug — he knows the threat is empty.
The most pitiful part is not that Tony's threats no longer hold weight or that his AI is able to get smart with him, but the fact that he is actually looking forward to this stupid movie thing. Winter isn’t all bad. Maybe he was a little too trusting, far too nice, and just naïve enough to be fun to mess with. But beyond that Winter was truly kind, a sort of kindness that would have been lost on anyone else who suffered like he had. He deserved friends beyond those who knew him as Bucky's alter and nothing more.
Tony isn’t exactly jumping with joy at the premise of filling the role of 'Winter's BFF' but he doesn’t know who else can be trusted to fill that job outside of the Tower. Someone who can understand and not take advantage. So yeah, of course Tony is first pick.
Tony Stark is undeniably fantastic in every way.