Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“What’re you thinking about?”

The male could tell that the attention of the other wasn’t on the program they were watching.

Currently they were lounging on the couch, one of the two was lazily flopped on the furniture, an arm draped over the side and a leg resting on the coffee table. His significant other was curled against him, head lying on his chest.

“You. Us.”

There was a hesitant pause.

“Our family.”

“Patton..”

There was a new tone in his voice as he spoke, it was tense.

“I know! I know. We’re not ready yet. But I can’t help but think about it Virge. About being parents.”

It was something he’d dreamed about for years. Before he’d even met Virgil. But..there had been complications throughout the years. Things that couldn’t have been avoided.

“It’s not that I’m not ready... I just...”

A frustrated sigh left him. He knew Patton was only being held up because of him. He continued when he felt a reassuring hug.

“I don’t know if I’ll be any good at it. Ya, know? What if I can’t handle it? What if they hate me? What if I-“

His tangent was cut off by a palm being placed in his cheek. This caused him to lift his head to look down at Patton.

“You’d be an amazing father, Virgil. I just know it.”

He replied softly, knowing however, there was more to it than Virgil’s fears.

“But I don’t know how to be...”

The male countered, Virgil leaning into the hand on his face. Patton always knew how to calm him down. Even if the voices in his head didn’t stop, his husband  allowed him an escape.

“You do, you just don’t know it yet. But hey,”

Patton sat up, scooting into Virgil’s lap.

“If you’re not ready it’s alright. Im not trying to pressure you into this. We both have to be ready for this. I know that. I was just thinking.”

Virgil smiled appreciatively at that.

“I know Pat. Thank you.”

The conversation ended with a quick kiss before they settled again. Patton staying on Virgil’s lap, head falling onto his shoulder as they both turned their attention back to the tv.

One day they’d both be ready, Patton knew. Even if that day wasn’t today, he was okay with that. He knew Virgil wanted kids just as much as he did.

They’d talked extensively on the subject of adoption for years. They both shared their desires to adopt and share their love with kids who needed it the most.

To share their life and home. To add to their family. It brought a smile to his face as he snuggled into Virgil.

It was ten minutes to ten o’clock when one of them finally moved. Patton grabbed the remote off of the arm of the couch and powered the device down. Resulting in a groan from who he was sitting on.

“Patton. I was watching that.”

Virgil complained. Making an attempt to steal the controller back.

“It’s time for bed, V. You need your sleep. And if you don’t get into bed by ten, you won’t sleep.”

Patton argued as he rose to his feet.

“Besides we both have early appointments tomorrow. You with Dr. Althorn and me with Alice. Now come on.”

Knowing Patton was right, Virgil stood with a huff. Although he still accepted the hand that was offered to him.

“Yeah, yeah... you’re lucky I just I want to cuddle.”

This resulted in a soft laugh from Patton as the ventured up the stairs to get to their room. It was music to Virgil’s ears.

“Go get ready for bed, I’ll get the bed ready for you.”

Patton told him with a grin.Virgil shook his head as he was pushed towards the bathroom.

After his teeth were brushed and his clothes were swapped for sleepwear, Virgil plopped on the bed next to Patton, who was waiting for him under the covers.

The blankets were being held up for him, giving him a chance to get comfortable on his back. Once he was still he felt the blankets fall onto him.

“I don’t want to go tomorrow.”

Virgil’s said suddenly, apprehension in his voice. It was clear he was nervous to Patton. 

“I know. But i don’t think we’ll get any bad news.. It’s routine.”

“I know. Doesn’t mean I hate it any less.”

He mumbled before rolling onto his side to face Patton. A contented sigh left Virgil as he felt comforting fingers running through his hair. This allowed him to at least close his eyes.

“It’ll be okay. You’re going to be alright. It’ll be unpleasant I know, but I’ll take you out for ice cream okay? You can get whatever flavors you want with whatever topping you’d like.”

Patton offered. Well more like bribed. Yeah, okay so he probably shouldn’t be bribing Virgil. He just wanted to give the male something to look forward to, to get him through the morning.

The now half asleep male hummed in agreement. Mumbling something about all of the toppings. Patton wasn’t sure what exactly, but it made him giggle.

What he had heard was the sleepily phrased ‘I love you’ that left the others lips. With a smile and a kiss to the forehead, Patton snuggled into the bed, wrapping his arms around Virgil as the two drifted into sleep.

The first thing Virgil noticed was this his source of warmth and comfort was gone. Which was what caused him to stir in the first place. He wished he was curled around Patton again.

Instead of being being bombarded with the light drifting in from the curtains and the sounds of Patton getting ready for work. Groaning he pulled the covers over his head, wanting to fall back into slumber.

The movement had caught Patton’s attention from where he stood in front of their shared full length mirror.

“Virge?”

Patton sighed when he didn’t get a response. The other had never been a morning person.

“Love I know you’re awake.”

“Don’t wanna get up.”

Virgil muttered out. Patton shook his head, looking over his shoulder at the bed.

“I didn’t say you had to get up. But I would appreciate it if you talked to me.”

He looked to the clock on the bedside table as he walked over to where Virgil was hidden among the covers.

“I’m heading out okay? There’s still a few hours until you need to leave, try to get some more sleep okay?”

There was a pause before the covers were thrown about. Virgil slid onto his back as he looked up at Patton, his expression was that of a kicked puppy.

It nearly broke Patton’s heart, it would have if he hadn’t known the problem.

“Can’t you come with me? I don’t want to go. Please?”

The glasses clad male sighed. Running his finger through the others hair once more as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“I wish I could. But I’ve got patients of my own today. Just remember to breathe and you’ll be okay, Virgil.”

“I could reschedule? We can go this weekend or next week? Or-“

“No.”

Patton said firmly.

“You’ve put this off long enough. It’s important. It needs to be done. I know you can be brave, so be brave for me. Okay? I’m sorry I have to leave you. But I love you. I’ll call you later.”

Well, it was worth a shot. Virgil just nodded and rolled over and away from Patton. Not moving until he heard the front door click shut. Notifying him of Patton’s full departure.

Today was going to suck.

Chapter Text

Three hours later Virgil rolled out a bed. Of course he hadn’t slept a wink since Patton set off for work. Unable to trust himself to sleep without the other, after the incident.

Now though, he found himself sitting on a green chair in a white exam room. His leg was bouncing nervously and his hand ran through his purple and brown hair nervously as he waited to be called to meet with his doctor. It wasn’t that he was afraid. No. He just didn’t need to be here.

But Patton had deemed this ‘routine’ catch up appointment necessary. But unlike the last four times Virgil couldn’t avoid it. Not after their discussion that morning.

Not after Patton had used his...dad voice. He just hoped he could get in and out so he could go lay down at home.

As long as he remembered to breathe as his love had instructed, he would be fine. Besides, Patton was going to take him out on an ice cream date. So maybe it was balanced out.

If he got the bad news he didn’t want to hear, it would be consoling. If the news was positive, it would just be the cherry on top. Both figuratively and literally.

With his..health issue though, he understood Patton’s worry and urgency to get him back in here. He couldn’t really blame the other for being concerned. Especially if they wanted to add to their family soon. He couldn’t raise kids if he was sick all the time.

It wasn’t much longer when the door to the exam room opened and closed as his doctor walked it.

“Good to see you Virgil, how have things been?”

The doctor asked, walking to the other side of the room, to be near his patient.

“Oh you know, Jared. Just the usual. Patton mentioned kids again.”

Virgil casually leaned back, crossing his arms in front of his chest. The doctor sat on a stool in front of him.

“Oh? Have you changed your mind on the matter?”

“No. But..”

A sigh left Virgil.

“How can I take care of the little brats if I need to be taken care too?”

“Well, that’s a valid fear to have in your situation. Speaking of, how have things been? Patton called a few weeks ago, you gave him quite a scare.”

“Yeah.”

Virgil nearly cringed at the memory.

“It wasn’t a seizure, but Pat had thought it was. But it wasn’t. I haven’t really had an episode for a while. Guess the new meds are doing their job. Hopefully.”

“That’s very good to good to hear, then. What happened, though?”

Virgil’s doctor, and friend, asked him. Wondering what had Patton in such a panic that night weeks ago.

“Dropped my phone under the couch. Pat came home, saw me on the floor, and he freaked out. But we talked, I was fine. He was fine. We’re fine. It scared him though. That’s why he wanted me to do this so bad.”

“I can see how that could’ve scared him. How has the sleep schedule been working out for you?”

A scoff was his first response to the question.

“You know Patton gave me a bedtime? I’m a grown man, I don’t need a curfew.”

Virgil acted as if he was angry, he could be. But he knew everything Patton did was out of love.

“But, I guess all together, it’s getting better. I can at least get six hours a night now.”

“Patton cares about you. It’s good to know your hours are improving. That was a big part of the problem. Or at least it didn’t help anything.”

“Yeah yeah.”

Virgil sat up. They went over the same things every time. Honestly, he was tired of being lectured about his previous sleep schedule. If it could even be called a schedule.

“How’d the tests turn out?”

This was it. This is what determined if the ice cream would be for consolation or celebration.

“Well...”

It was safe to say that when Virgil safely arrived to the house he shared with Patton, he was utterly exhausted.

Immediately flopping onto the couch. He couldn’t sleep, he’d have to wait for Patton to do that. But at least he could rest. That would I be enough for now.

He didn’t like waiting. Not when he was so tired and had information to share on top of that. He sighed. This would definitely change things for the two of them.

For the next four and a half hours, he started to rewatch the series ‘the office’. He’d seen it so many times but it was just that good. The comedy gave him a distraction. From his negative thoughts, from how tired he was, and from how much he wanted Patton.

It was a very welcome distraction indeed. He also used the time and background noise to think about a few things.

Virgil hadn’t moved once since getting into his new comfortable position. Lying on his stomach facing the tv with his arm draped off the edge of the couch.

A fuzzy pastel pink blanket covered him halfway. As if he’d gotten too comfortable or lazy to cover up properly. That’s how Patton found him when he arrived home from work.

“Virgil? I’m home, hun.”

Patton voiced his arrival as he walked through the apartment. A look of fondness took over his features as he the doctor knelt down in front of his love. Getting eye level as he stroked Virgil’s hair.

“Hey Pat... How’s work?”

His voice was muffled and his eyes were half lidded and unfocused. But he felt them closing completely. Patton’s fingers in his hair was just too calming.

“Things were good. Alice told me to tell you hello.”

“Das nice...”

Patton couldn’t help but chuckle, amused by how cute Virgil looked and sounded right now.

“Go to sleep Vi. I’ll wake you when dinners ready, alright?”

The taller of the two hummed in agreement. Letting himself drift into slumber. Comforted by the feeling of Patton’s hand running through his hair.

It didn’t take long for his Virgil to drift into sleep. The poor kiddo must’ve been exhausted from the stressful day.

They could talk about the it all later. Patton would always let Virgil get any all sleep he could at any time. Heaven knows the man doesn’t get enough. Especially since the accident a few months back.

Virgil started refusing to sleep without him near. It was an understandable fear. But Patton didn’t like it. Especially with his early mornings patients. He had to leave early most days.

He left his mate on the couch, setting off to make dinner for the two of them. It seemed like a pasta kind of night. Patton knew how much the simple dish was appreciated by Virgil.

As Patton was mixing the sauce and noodles together on separate plates, he felt a pair of arms wrapping around his waist and a weight on his shoulder.

He’d never heard Virgil approach. But it caused him to smile nonetheless.

“That smell delicious. You know how much I love your cooking.”

Honestly, it had been the reason he woke from his nap. The appetizing aroma that was associated with everything Patton whipped up for them. It was too hard to pass up.

It also didn’t help he hadn’t eaten a single thing that day. But Patton didn’t need to know that. He’d just worry about it.

“Yes. I alway knew that’s why you married me. For the food.”

Patton was joking of course. He knew Virgil too well to know that he would get used. But they had fun joking about it at times.

“Why don’t you get us our drinks while I get our plates ready?”

Virgil agreed. Lifting his head from Patton’s shoulder but not walking away without planting a kiss to the others cheek.

Not only did Virgil gather their beverages but he picked their utensils as well. Setting the designated items in from of the placemats.

Patton had done the same. Both males sat in their usual seats across from one another.

The dinner went as it normally would. Patton relating the details of his day, while Virgil smiled and followed along commenting here and there.

He always enjoyed hearing about the people Patton helps. He had been one of them after all. The guy had such a big heart that was alway full of so much love.

“So you’ve heard all about me what about you? How was your day? How’s Jared doing?”

Virgil shrugged leaning back into his chair.

“He’s fine. Told me to tell you he and Cecile say hi.”

“Oh good. And...what about the tests?”

Patton asked, trying to hide his eagerness to know the results. He wasn’t sure what Virgil could’ve gotten told that day.

“About that...”

Virgil looked up.

“Jared said the tests were good. My body is accepting the meds okay. And since I haven’t had an accident recently, he’s says I’m alright. For now Patton, I’m alright.”

He told the other a smile had appeared on his face shortly after starting.

“But they took more blood, just to be sure ya know? So you definitely still owe me ice cream now. Can’t get out of it.” He wasn’t going to let Patton forget.

This caused Patton to grin as well. Things were finally starting to let up.

“That is so great, Virgil! I’m sorry I couldn’t be there with you. We’ll go when ever you want. I don’t break my promises you know. And we have something to celebrate!”

“I know Pat. Thank you. For everything I mean.”

Patton smiled, holding his hand from across the table.

They finished the rest of their meal in a comfortable silence, holding onto each other’s hands for awhile. Until they needed a drink or a napkin. It was a pleasant evening all together.

That night they prepared for bed a lot earlier than normal. By eight thirty Virgil was struggling to keep his head off of his chest.

So Patton did what he had to. Just short of carrying the male up the stairs. Virgil somehow managed to change into sleepwear by himself though.

While Virgil lay in bed Patton decided to get some of his work done. He had a desk, but this way Virgil would be able to sleep. Multitasking in a away. Going over patient files and being there to comfort Virgil enough so he could sleep.

“Patton?”

Virgil asked, laying next to the other in their bed. He was sprawled on his back while Patton went over paperwork next to him. It was their normal process when Patton had work stuff to do.

“Hm?”

Patton merely glanced at Virgil. Who should be asleep by now. He didn’t like when his stayed up when he was so clearly drained of energy.

Because that meant no sleep would be gained and that would just set Virgil’s health back. Again.

“Let’s do it.”

“Do what, Virge?”

“Adopt.”

Patton froze. This subject was the last thing he’d thought he’d hear. After all, Virgil had been pretty adamant for years that he wasn’t ready. Patton himself had always been the one the bring the subject up.

“W-what?”

“Let’s adopt, Patton.”

“B-but...you said you weren’t ready. I don’t want to push you into this Vi.”

Patton was looking at him now. Virgil still had his arm over his eyes. Blocking out the light Patton needed to work. Maybe Virgil was more tired than he’d thought...

“Yeah but...”

Maybe it was a bad idea bringing this up.

“It’s just...never mind. Goodnight.”

Bad idea. Bad idea. Bad idea.

“No, Virge. What is it? Talk to me baby.” By now Patton put his papers aside, turning his focus entirely onto Virgil.

“It’s just..I’ve put a lot of thought into it. Since I got home. I’m less likely to spazz out now and you just got that raise...”

He trailed off, thinking about his next words before speaking.

“Patton I think I’m finally ready, and I don’t want to hold you back anymore.”

“Virgil you’re not-“

“I am.”

The doctor paused. Staring at the male next to him. He had to be careful with his choice of words.

“I haven’t once thought you were holding me back. You and your health are my top priority.”

“But You shouldn’t have had to put off something you want because I’m br-“

“Don’t say it. Virgil..”

Patton sighed rubbing his face. He didn’t want to hear Virgil continue that thought.When he didn’t get a response, Patton spoke again

“Alright. How about this. Well think about it. You get some sleep, I’ll get some of my work done, and tomorrow we can talk more about this. It’s Saturday so it won’t be an early morning.”

Virgil mulled over the offer.

“Yeah...Alright. Goodnight.”

He was tired after all. He’d probably just fall asleep mid conversation anyway. Hat and vigil didn’t want to interrupt more of Patton’s important work than he had to.

So he let himself fall asleep to the sound of Patton breathing, the shuffling of papers, and the tapping of a pen.

That night it was Patton who had trouble getting to sleep. There was too much he had to think about, now.

Chapter Text

When Virgil woke the next morning, it was very obvious to him that Patton probably hadn’t went to bed the night before. As the doctor in the exact same position as when they went to sleep. Or when he went to sleep anyway.

“Pat?”

He asked in confusion, groggily sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

“Morning Virgil. Did you sleep well?”

“Y-yeah I did. Did you sleep at all?”

When Patton didn’t reply to him, that gave him the answer he needed. Virgil put a gentle hand on his partners shoulder.

“Hey. Patton. Love. I want you to rest. Alright? Whatever you’re working on there can wait.”

“It’s the list, Vi.”

“The..list?”

“Yeah.”

Patton handed the paper he’d been writing on.

“The pros and cons. Of adopting. I couldn’t sleep. Had too much to think about. I needed something to focus on so this is what I came up with.”

The black haired male couldn’t help but stare at his partner. He wasn’t quite sure what to think or feel about the list in his hands.

He couldn’t bring himself to read it though. Not yet. Because there was something more important right now, the one thing he was absolutely positive of.

“Pat, I want to look to this over with you. I do. But I need you to sleep for awhile. You’re exhausted. You were gone for like twelve hours yesterday, you need to sleep. Please.”

“But this is important. We need to-“

“Patton. Right now you’re more important. What is that you’re always telling me?”

The exhausted doctor sighed, rubbing his eyes he just seemed to realize were burning with strain.

“That’s not more important that your health and taking care of yourself.”

Patton gave Virgil a soft smile.

“Alright. Nap time it is.”

“That’s my love.”

Virgil leaned over giving his partner the softest of kisses. Before getting up, laying the list on the nightstand on his side of the bed and the blocking as much light as he could from entering the room.

“Hold me?”

“Of course, I would love nothing more than to cuddle you right now.”

It wasn’t rare for Virgil to be the bigger spoon. Usually they took turns depending on who needed to be held at the time. And this morning that was Patton who wanted the extra comfort of his partners arms around him.

Virgil crawled into bed, pulling Patton close, making sure they were both fully covered by the warmth of the blanket.

“I’ve got you Patton.” He spoke softly.

Two min it was later both males were also asleep in each other’s arms. Safe and warm, leaving all the anxieties to left until later.

Later turned out be sometime after noon. Virgil was surprisingly the first to wake.

After admiring his beautiful partner finally resting, he decided to get up and take care of his love. As quietly and carefully as he could he slipped out of bed, and silently make his way downstairs, and to the kitchen.

Now, he was not near the cook Patton was, but he could still prepare meals. Especially ones as easy as soup and sandwiches. Which was what he decided on after after seeing what time it was.

He was happy Patton was still sleeping but he was worried too. As important as sleep was to the both of them the male must have been very anxious about the topic of adopting.

Which Virgil felt guilty and responsible for. After all it was him who had brought it up right before bed. He’d just though it would’ve brought more excitement to Patton. But it seemed to do the opposite.

“Morning.”

Virgil jumped slightly, he had been lost in his head to have heard Patton coming. But he smiled and looked to the other.

“Afternoon. Did you sleep alright?”

“Yeah, thanks. You made food?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it’s nothing compared to what you can do but I thought it’d work. Perfect timing too, just finished the sandwiches.”

“Thank you, Virgil. It’s perfect.”

And so they are. Almost in near silence. One still sleepy the other full of worry.

By the time it was ready for cleanup, Virgil couldn’t take it anymore.

“So you made a list.”

It wasn’t a question.

“I did.”

“Why?”

“What?” Patton asked tilting his head.

“Why make a list? I mean..for years we’ve talked about having kids. You’ve talked about having kids. But now there’s a list. With bad things.”

“It’s just pros and cons. I do want this Virgil. I just..”

“Don’t want it with me?”

“No! No, Virgil. That’s not it. Baby, look at me. Hey.”

With a second of hesitation Virgil looked at his partner, hands still in the water.

“That’s not it. I promise. Okay? It’s not you. It’s me I’m unsure about.”

The ever so anxious male sighed quietly with relief. But now was filled with more confusion.

“You? But..you’re great with kids. They all love you. And you brighten up every time ones around. Not that I’m disregarding your feelings.”

He dried his hands, grabbed on of pattons, and led the other to their couch.

“Let’s talk feelings.”

Normally it was Patton who initiated their feeling acknowledgment talks. But today was his turn to care for his partner.

“So you’re not sure of yourself.”

Patton was proud of Virgil, but also caught off guard. With the way Virgil could sometimes get uncomfortable with these types of talks he took the lead. It was nice to see.

“Yeah. I’m just not sure if I’m ready for things to change. You know? I love kids, like you said. But..Vi, everything is going to be different and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that. I have to work late sometimes and leave at odd hours other times.”

“Well, yeah. I get it. I do. This is a complete life changing decision. It’s scary but..kinda exciting. We can finally have what we’ve been dreaming about for years. Besides, the times you can’t be around, that’s what I’m here for. We’ll just have to tackle this like we have everything’s that’a ever come our way. Together.”

Patton took a deep breath.

“Can I go get my list? I think it’s help if I could go over it with you.”

“Of course you can Pat, I really would like to see it.”

Virgil waited while Patton eagerly went off and retrieved the list he’d come up with and returning to Virgil as soon as he could.

“Okay so there’s stuff on both sides of course, but maybe we could talk about the cons first. Get them out of the way.” He said looking down at the paper.

“Yeah.” Virgil said, very nervous about what he was about to hear.

“Virgil, it’s alright. It’s just things I think we should consider if we’re serious about this. I don’t want us jumping into this if we aren’t fully prepared in every way.”

Patton assured, taking his mates hand in his own, leaning against the male. Staying close.

“So, what I have so far is, it’s not going to be just us anymore. The amount of alone time we’re gonna have to enjoy is going to decrease. There’s a lot of responsibilities we’re going to have to take on. Like taking the kid to school, appointments, after school activities if they want.”

“I’ll be able to drive them after you go to work. And I may not be the chef you are but I can manage lunches and snacks. And it’ll be really nice having someone else around. I like just us time though, you know that. Right? I’m not saying I don’t want be alone with you anymore.”

“Of course know that, Virgil. I would never think that.”

“Good. Because I love you.”

He emphasized the statement with a kiss and a smile. Able to see the paper from where Patton was cuddled against him he read the next few lines.

“Okay. I understand why the list. Discipline. You know I’m going to struggle with that one, don’t you.”

It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah. But it’s not your fault. It’s going to come up Vi.”

“Yeah I know. Doesn’t mean I want to do it though.”

“Little steps. We’re going to take classes, right? We could ask for extra advice and help in that department. No matter the age we go for, it’s going to be necessary and it’s going to be hard. Especially for you.”

“Yeah. I know. We both know. I just..what if I mess up? I don’t what to hurt a kid the way I’ve been.”

“Baby, I don’t think you could ever hurt a child. Even in a big frustrating situation. You’re not like any of the people who hurt you. I know that for a fact.”

Virgil nodded slightly.

“What other concerns do you have? Or can we focus on the pros now?”

“Yeah, yeah we can do that. Uh we’ll have to make it now though. I was working on the cons.”

And stressing about all the anxieties and doubts that had flooded his brain the night before. May have been a small list in writing, b in his head? It was endless. Was that what Virgil felt like all the time?

“We’ll never alone. There will always be someone else to love.”

He hoped to be loved back. Patton of course would. But him? He could only hope.

“You know all the things we could do? Everything’s was never able to do or have as a kid I want to give them. Family days, trips, presents, a safe loving home. Where they’ll never ever be hurt.”

His voice broke softly. But he continued anyway.

“I want this Patton. It’ll be worth every con there is we can think of. And we’ll have to take classes. We’ll learn everything involved, and you said they could give us extra help in any area. Do what you do best Patton, listen to you heart. What is it saying?”

“That is right for us. That we’re going to have a family. Sure we’re going to run into problems along the way but, despite my worries, I think this is right for us.”

“Then let’s start a family, Patton.”

At this point they were both a bit emotional, but they smiled, kissed, and held each other.

Spending the rest of the day in each other’s arms. Full of excitement for their hopefully near future.