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Catra knew she shouldn't. It was an all around bad idea and could do absolutely nothing but hurt her. There was zero upside to this decision. She could be caught and killed, or caught and tortured by the enemies soldiers. Or have the same done by here own side.
And seeing would hurt, there was no way it wouldn’t, because there was no way to undo what either of them did.
But still, she was here, climbing brightmoons walls and peering into what she knew must be Adora’s bedroom window.
It was much emptier inside then Catra would have expected, but then again Adora did grow up with the horde, where material objects (and people) had a purpose that wasn’t to look pretty or to be nice. Adora was asleep on a simple mattress, on her stomach (Catra hated that her stomach clenched at the unfamiliarity) even though her upper body was wrapped in bandages blood seeped through in splotched, six dotty lines that showed Catra exactly what she had done.
What they both had done Catra chastised herself, this wasn’t her fault, Adora had left her. Alone with shadow Weaver and the other cadets who had never paid her any mind except for as Adora’s pet.
Her head was turned away from Catra, allowing her only the view of her bloodied back and hair slipping loose out of its ponytail.
Adora had left and then asked Catra to do the same, like she had no idea what the horde did. Like she never realized that they weren’t fighting the right side of the war. There was no right side of any war, just one that was stronger without the power of friendship or whatever bullshit the princess believed in.
She thought they had a plan. Even though they never talked about it she thought they were on the same page because they always were. She thought that together they were going to move up through the ranks until the two of them sat on top. Then they were going to make changes.
Maybe they would make peace with the princesses, maybe they wouldn’t. It never mattered to Catra as long as they did it together. But Adore threw that all away the moment she chose a goddamn sword and some destiny or fate or whatever she called it over Catra.
And maybe Adora never did know, it was always possible that she was just that fucking stupid. Stupid and noble and gullible.
She watched Adora shift, turning to face her. HEr red eyes startled Catra, in her whole life she had never seen Adora cry, sure tears always slipped from her eyes when she was hit in the nose, or had broken a bone. But those weren’t real tears, just a reflex.
These had been real tears, enough to track down Adora’s cheeks and drip off her jaw. Enough to make her eye’s puffy.
Adora pushed herself up then, blinking at her own hands before turning back to face Ctra, this time more or less awake. Catra should have bolted. She shouldn’t have come here in the first place. But when Ador mumbled a confused “Catra” she couldn’t help but responding.
“Hey Adora” She whispered.
Adora blinked at her for a moment before patting the mattress beside her and Catra couldn’t help but oblige. She started for the foot of the bed before Adora reached for her shoulder and pulled her up to lie next to her. Again Catar obliges, letting Adora pull her into herself and intertwine their legs.
Cat's eyes were wide as Adora went about making herself comfortable, her heart beating fast. This had always been something she knew could happen. But the horde was...the horde, and it never made sense. But here Adora was, pressing her face to Castro's back and Catra felt her eyes slide shut by the way her eyelashed tickled her shoulder blade.
She must be asleep, Catra realized.
This was a bad idea. But Adora’s arm was wound around her stomach and she was sighing contentedly and Catra couldn't leave. Adora’s body wrapped around her’s was warm and the fabric bundled around her feet was softer than anything ever was in the horde.
This was a bad idea. But this is where she wanted to be instead of curled at the foot of Adora’s bed every night in the horde.
This was a bad idea. But if she let herself forget everything that led them here, she was happier in this moment than she had ever been alone in the horde.
Catra’s breath hitched when she felt Adora’s lips lazily tracing up her back, soft, closed mouth presses up her neck and around to her jaw. And her heart nearly stopped when Adora pushed herself up, hands braced on either side of Catra’s head. There ere a million things that she should have said, questions of protests or apologies or demands, but all that escaped her lips was a quiet. “Hey Adora”
Adora’s eye’s were barely open, just enough to be making lazy eye contact with Catra, before they flicked down to her lips, and moved forward.
It wasn’t enough; when their lips met.
Catra’s hand automatically came up to tangle in adora’s loose hair, and any thought she could have had was replaced with a bitter sense of finally. Adora’s lips weren’t soft, but then again nothing about Adora was. Physically at least.
But breaking off to press her lips between Catra’s brow was. And the smile she gave her when Catra opened her eyes. And when she let herself collapse on top of Catra and nuzzled into her neck Catra’s heart skipped.
Catra’s mind was reeling, she was trapped by Adora, whose breathing was slowly evening out as she somehow- fell back asleep. What the hell had just happened?
It didn’t matter in the long run. This. She had to be gone by tomorrow, and she would be back on the other side of a war that they did not start. A war that they are slowly taking over from the past generation even though the original stakes were long gone.
It wasn’t fair, Catra thought. It wasn’t fair that Adora left, and that Catra couldn’t follow her, and that this whole war was tearing them apart. It wasn’t fair that she was literally pinned here and that she couldn’t do anything. Not just here but at all. She had no way to fix the situation they were in.
It wasn’t fair that she could barely bring herself to be mad at the girl on top of her anymore. Because she was right, and Adora always had a strong sense of justice, she was a goddamn hero that was born on the wrong side of the story. And had taken it upon her righteous self to fix that. Leaving Catra in the rubble.
………………………
Adora woke up with a start, cringing at the twinge in her back as she pushed herself up. Glimmer’s voice came from the side of her bed, startling her again.
“Woah, Adora it’s just me” Glimmer put her hands up in surrender. There was a medical kit in one of them.
Adora shook her head, “Yeah, sorry” her head was spinning with- A dream? It must have been a dream, it felt like one, and there was no way Catra managed to get here.
Glimmer made some sort of sound that sounded vaguely disbelieving and opened the med kit, sitting on the bed next to her. Adora sat up, pulling the blanket up over her chest. She turned and let glimmer peal the bloodied bandage from her back and replace it with new ones. Neither of them said anything throughout this process.
“Are you okay” Glimmer finally asked.
Adora just shrugged, “Can I get dressed?”
Glimmer nodded and left. Adora stood up, letting the blanket fall from her chest. Then snatched it back up and pressed it to her face. There was no way...she thought, but the blanket smelled like Catra.
She dropped the blanket and picked up her pillow, also pressing that to her face and inhaling. It also smelled like Catra- the horde’s soap and something else, rain maybe. A forest fire. As contradicting as that was.
She realized she probably looked like a crazy person when she laid back down, face down and again- inhaled. She couldn’t be doing this- Catra was on the other side of a war, they were enemies. And if Catra got in then she should be worried about Brightmoon’s defences, not laying her her smell.
But fuck if she didn’t miss her. And if she had really been here, and Adora wasn’t completely losing it then… she had kissed her, and Catra had held her face when she did. And after that… she had fallen asleep. Next to the same girl that hours ago had ripped claw marks in her back and spit in her face.
This couldn’t be real. It hadn’t felt real. There was nothing she could do, if she told anyone they would call it a dream or put more strain on their already broken security measures. They had to rebuild and her personal shit couldn’t get in the way of that.
She dropped the pillow back onto her bed and mechanically dressed. She pulled her hair into her ponytail and left in search of Glimmer and Bow. She didn’t have to search for long, Glimmer was talking with her mother in the dining room.
“Hello Adora” The queen greeted.
Adora nodded respectfully before taking her seat.
“Glimmer I need you to help with rebuilding the southern wall, teleporting will be a lot faster than manually pushing the stones up and down those hills. Make sure not to overdo it. I want you to recharge once every hour” The queen continued speaking to Glimmer. To adora’s surprise Glimmer didn’t protest to being babied, instead nodding solemnly.
“Bow, you should help her, its manual labor but I’m more than confident you can take care of it. You’re both dismissed. Adora stay here.” Adora watched Glimmer and Bow rise from their seats, giving her tired smiles before leaving the dining room.
“Is there anything I can do?” She asked, “I can do alot of lifting as She-ra, and I know medical procedure, I could go into the village and help there or…” She trailed off.
Angella shook her head, “You’re injured Adora. I can’t have you doing that strenuous activity until you’re healed.”
“But I’m fine.” She protested, “I’ve had much worse with the horde”
“This is not the Horde” Angella cut her off, “I don’t know how they did things there but I do know that letting someone work while sick or injured always does more harm than good” Her voice came softer then, “I also know that throwing yourself into work isn’t a good way to deal with loss”
Adora looked up suddenly, meeting Angella’s eye. “I didn’t lose anything, “ She protested, but couldn’t get the memory of Cat's breath against her cheek, her lips pressed to hers.
Angela just gave her a knowing look, “ You had a life before you realized the truth, and no one here expects you to not have made any sort of emotional ties to any body there” She sighed, “It’s okay to mourn someone even if they chose the wrong path”
There was something there, Adora knew. But again her mind prompted her with the image of catra, blushing below her. She nodded.
“I know you probably didn’t have a mother figure in the horde, but I hope that you can find one here with me”
Again Adora nodded, still completely preoccupied.
“Thank you” She said, already starting for the door. “I’ll go read more on Brightmoons history.”