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Tony never got mail. And by never, he meant never . At least, never any mail that wasn’t either immediately filed away under fan mail or was his bills (not that he ever had to worry about having enough to pay them).
So when he found a letter personally addressed to him, he assumed it was probably business related, and opened it, ready to skim over to get a brief idea of what they wanted.
He certainly wasn’t expecting a colourful headline to cheerfully scream at him, “PLEASE DATE THE DUMB GAY WIZARD”, followed with a much smaller, neater scrawl that read, “An essay by Wong”.
Tony let out a small snort of amusement. This was the first thing he’d received in the mail in a long time that he actually wanted to read. So he unfolded the letter, to find a large amount of small print writing, that covered both sides of the page.
Tony let out a low whistle. Either Wong had written the same sentence over and over, or he’d actually put a lot of thought into this… essay. Tony began to read.
‘ Dear Tony Stark, it has, rather violently, come to my attention that a certain master of the mystic arts is head over heels for you, and you need to date him before my head explodes. Seriously, he won’t shut up about you. At this point I think I know the exact way you take your coffee, Stephen talks about you that much. In this essay I will attempt to convince you to date him, if not I will probably stitch his mouth shut.’
Tony held back a laugh. He didn’t need convincing to date Stephen, just a little more courage, but right now he was enjoying Wong’s essay.
‘Firstly, Stephen won’t shut up about you. Ever. He’s constantly talking about how handsome you are, or how you take your coffee. He’s insufferable. I’m not sure where he’s getting his information; I’d up your security, in case he’s sending spies. He somehow manages to bring you up in EVERY DAMN CONVERSATION. I’m going insane. Please date him to stop this mess.’
Tony let out another laugh. This essay was actually adding to his courage, and he resolved to ask Stephen on a date as soon as he finished reading.
‘Secondly, he’s not that bad looking. Okay, so he’s not, say, ME, but-’
That was as far as Tony got before he started laughing again. It took him a few minutes to compose himself, and by the end he was wiping actual tears of laughter from his eyes.
‘-But he's pretty okay. And if you’re in battle, blood compliments his face. Don’t tell him I said this, though. I’m trying to convince him he’s uglier than Kaecilius, so please don’t ruin that for me. But yeah. Please date him before my brain implodes.’
Tony paused again; he didn’t know who this Kaecilius was, but he was pretty sure Stephen was much better looking than him.
‘My third and final point is that your obviously head over heels for him. I’m not blind. Anyway, I kind of owe you one since you took me to that Beyoncé concert last year. So consider this me giving you a nudge in the right direction. Okay, more like a big, hard shove that sends you tumbling down the stairs to land at his feet. But I’m trying to do you a favour, so just let it happen. Your friend, Wong.’
Tony laughed again, shaking his head a little. “Alright, you’ve twisted my arm,” he muttered, then placed down the essay and got up, ready to go ask out the dumb, gay wizard who had been mentioned in the essay.