Chapter Text
“He’s our age,” Lance said the moment Pidge and Hunk had connected to the Skype call, his voice coming out in practically a whine. “I cannot fucking believe it. Our age.”
“Okay, yeah, we’re gonna need context here,” Pidge said, rolling her eyes. “Who’s our age, and why do you sound distraught about it?”
Lance huffed out a breath. “Remember when I told you about how Mom and Pop-pop were planning on becoming foster parents since everyone in the house keeps growing up and moving out? And they did those interviews and home visits and stuff?”
“Vaguely,” Pidge said.
“Yeah, not like you mentioned how excited you were to be a big brother, what, forty times a day? Fifty?” Hunk added.
“A conservative estimate if I ever heard one,” Pidge said with a smirk.
“Shut up,” said Lance. “Well, apparently they got their foster kid assignment, told me and Rachel about it today. He’s gonna be moving in on Wednesday and guess what? Guess fucking what?”
“He’s our age,” Hunk said flatly.
“He’s our age! Hell, he’s older, technically. Same grade, but he’s got a fall birthday. I just - God, I had plans, you know? I was getting ready for some cute little eight-year-old to move in and be in awe of their amazing big brother Lance. I was gonna teach them how to dive and help them with their homework and, like, go kite-flying and give piggyback rides and - ”
“I’m sorry, time out,” Pidge interrupted. “Do you even know how to fly a kite?”
“I was going to learn!” Lance snapped. “Point is, I was finally, finally going to notbe the goddamn baby of the family for once, I was finally going to get to do all those big-brother things that Marco and Luis got to do. And what happens? I get assigned a guy who’s our age.”
“Well, your age,” Pidge said.
“Our grade, whatever. How am I supposed to do all that with someone my age, huh? How am I supposed to get him excited about genius brother Lance helping him with his homework if he’s in the same grade as me? I can barely help myselfwith homework!”
“Aw, Lance,” Hunk said, reaching up to pat his webcam as if he were patting Lance on the head. “Maybe he’ll want to do the kite-flying and piggyback rides anyway.”
“Believe it or not, Hunk, I don’t want to give a piggyback ride to someone who’s months older than me.”
“Bummer.”
“I just - gah!” Lance set his elbow onto his desk hard enough for a thunk to echo through it and began kneading the heel of his hand into his forehead. “I wish my parents would’ve given me some warning, you know? Let me know ahead of time that they were planning on fostering a teenager.”
“Quick question,” said Pidge. “Did your parents ever actually say, specifically, that they were going to be fostering a little kid, or did you just assume?”
Lance grimaced. “Okay, no, they didn’t specify. But come on! When you hear the words ‘foster kid’, you don’t picture some fifteen-going-on-sixteen-year-old, right? You picture, like, a little orphan Annie type age range.”
Pidge laughed. “Oh my God, you were fully prepared for your life to become a musical, weren’t you? Did I not warn you that joining drama club was going to end up screwing with your brain?”
“Oh, hush up, I wasn’t being literal about the Annie thing. Just the age.”
“What else do you know about this guy?” Hunk asked.
“Like, next to nothing? His name’s Keith, he’s going into sophomore year like we are, and I’m supposed to be nice and make him feel welcome. That’s all the information I’ve got.”
“Well, then, for all you know, this could still be fun, right? Sure, you’re not getting a little brother or sister like you wanted, but you’re still getting a new brother, yeah? So, make the most of it. Maybe he’ll still want to do a bunch of fun stuff with you and still let you teach him things and all that. You can still do some of that stuff with someone your own age, can’t you?”
“Yeah,” Lance sighed. “But it’s not the same. And plus, I dunno, just… the whole thing about having someone the same grade as me living in my house, it’s kinda…”
“Kinda what?” Pidge asked.
“Well, like, okay, we’re probably going to be in some of the same classes right? So what if he’s the type of person who comes home and immediately reports to Mamá every time I bomb a quiz or something? Or what if he’s one of those slackers who will be copying all my work?”
“If you’re bombing quizzes, it’d be pretty stupid of him to copy off of you,” Pidge pointed out.
“Maybe he’s just not that bright, you don’t know. Or, God, even worse, what if he’s one of those perfect student, straight-A, never-does-anything-wrong types and I end up having to deal with a bunch of, ‘oh, Lance, your brother’s such a good student, why can’t you be more like him?’ And also, like, what if he’s hot?”
“Lance,” Hunk said, face suddenly grave, “Please promise me you’re not going to try hitting on your foster brother.”
“No, God, that’s not what I meant. But I mean, there are only so many dateable people at our school as is. The last thing I need is for someone from my own home to swoop in and start taking up all the good ones for himself.”
“Ever the romantic, aren’t you?” Pidge said.
“I’ve got a lot of love to give, Pidge. I just - I don’t need that, you know? I don’t need someone moving into my house and just suddenly becoming my competition for everything. That sort of thing wouldn’t be a problem if it was going to be a little kid, but now - ”
“Lance,” Hunk said, “Are you hearing yourself right now?”
“It’s Lance, of course he is,” Pidge remarked. “If ever there was a person who loved hearing the sound of his own voice - ”
Hunk pressed on as if he hadn’t heard her. “You haven’t even met this guy, and already you’re declaring him to be some sort of rival for you or something.”
Lance sighed. “Fine, yes, you caught me Doctor Hunk, I’m jumping to conclusions. It’s much more likely that this Keith guy is going to show up, decide I’m his role model, never quite measure up to me but be delighted to learn the ways of life at my feet, isn’t it?”
“You didn’t seriously expect your imaginary little brother to do that, did you?” Pidge asked. “I mean, dude, you are a little brother, and you sure as hell didn’t do that with any of your siblings. Or have you suddenly blocked off all your childhood memories? I was there for a bunch of them, you can’t fool me, McClain.”
“Well, yeah, but we’ve been siblings since birth. It’s different when it’s a foster kid, right? Like, getting to be all excited and happy about having a new family and a better life and stuff?”
“Is there a way I can get a transcript of this whole conversation? Because I want to show it to Keith when he gets here, give him a warning about what kind of nonsense he’s in for.” Lance rolled his eyes.
“For the record,” Hunk said, “I think it sounds really cool, getting a foster brother your own age.”
“How do you figure?” asked Lance.
“Well, like, you’re going to get to know this guy well and share classes with him and all, so he could end up being, you know, a really close friend for you, like me and Pidge. Except in this case, you don’t go off to your separate homes at the end of the day, you can just keep hanging out, like, on and on and on. It’d be like having a sleepover with a friend every single night. Oh, and you can partner up for group projects at school and you never have to worry about arranging times and places to meet up. And you can share your clothes with each other and you guys can go on double dates and wear pairs costumes on Halloween and - ”
“Hunk,” Pidge interrupted him, “You are going to be in for such a rude awakening when you go to college and get a roommate for the first time.”
“Come on, it could happen!” Hunk insisted. “Like Lance said, we don’t know anything about Keith. He could very well be a super friendly, fun, cool guy that Lance would love to spend time with! Sometimes it’s good to think best-case scenario when you’re anxious about something.”
“I’m not anxious about Keith,” said Lance. “I’m just… I dunno, I’m not anything!”
“Besides disappointed that he’s not an eight-year-old,” Pidge said.
“Right, besides that. It’s all up in the air right now, is the thing. I could be getting the greatest brother ever or the worst, could go either way. Can’t find out ‘til Wednesday.”
“Do your parents have any more info on him?” Hunk asked. “It’s not like a social worker just came up to them and told them, ‘Hey, you’re getting a kid, his name’s Keith, incoming sophomore, pick him up on Wednesday, the rest is a surprise.’”
“They don’t know anything that would matter to me,” Lance answered. “Mamá got this binder on him, but I’m pretty sure it’s all just case history and medical stuff. Wouldn’t do me a whole lot of good to know his former addresses and his blood type.”
“In that case,” said Pidge, “Guess all that’s left to do is wait.”
“Yeah,” Lance sighed. “I guess.”
“Hey, be excited,” Hunk said. “You’re getting a new brother. And odds are, you’re getting a new person to add to our group, so I guess Pidge and I get to be excited too.”
“Good point,” Pidge said with a nod. “What would the Three Musketeers be without their d’Artagnan?”
Lance blinked at her. “What would what?”
“What would the Three Stooges be without Shemp?”
“Ah. Well, you’ll get to meet him soon too, seeing as he’s gonna be our classmate and all. So if he’s horrible, you guys get to suffer with me, okay?”
“Sounds great.”
“Let us know when he gets in, okay?” Hunk said. “Text us your first impressions, get a picture, stuff like that.”
“Aw, isn’t it cute?” Pidge said. “Hunk’s even more excited about your new brother than you are.” Hunk just shrugged.
“Sure, fine, I’ll give you all the live coverage,” Lance said. “And Hunk, if he shows up and he’s not the mega-friendly new best friend you promised me, you owe me recompense for getting my hopes up.”
“Ooh, look at Lance, pulling out the SAT words,” Pidge laughed.
“Fine, deal,” said Hunk. “I’ll place my bet now.”
“And I’ll join that betting pool,” said Pidge. “My money’s on him being a hellspawn maniac who tries to murder you in your sleep.”
“Pidge,” Lance said, “Why the hell would you say that?”
“To mess with you.”
“Great. So my options are ‘crazy murderer’ and ‘angel who was crafted specifically to be my perfect friend’.”
“As a group, we’re really not that great at considering the middle ground, are we?” Pidge said.
“Keeps life interesting. All right, signing off now, I’ll keep both of you updated on the Keith situation, okay?”
At the confirmations from his friends, Lance ended the Skype call and pushed his swivel chair back from his desk with a long, slow breath.
Wednesday. Keith would be coming on Wednesday. Today was Monday, so he had two days to prepare. Two days before he got his brand new brother.
“Damn it, Hunk,” he muttered to himself, “You’d be better be right about him.”