Actions

Work Header

this oughta bee good

Summary:

James Potter: i need to see her again. i need to win her over

Sirius Black: well short of you either joining my chem class halfway thru the term or developing a sudden interest in beekeeping, ur outta luck m8

James Potter: sirius… my best friend…. you know how i have always cared deeply about the bees. they are dying after all

Sirius Black: lol this oughta b good

Sirius Black: bee good that is

 

Texting AU: When you meet the love of your life at the uni's beekeeping society featuring an excessive amount of bee puns, Furbys, and the Rocky theme song

Notes:

I saw a post on tumblr about beekeeping and it turned into this fic. Enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Remus Lupin to Fittest Freshers Flat 4 Life: Why are there bees in the flat???

Sirius Black: new number who dis

James Potter: bees? 

Sirius Black:^thats my favorite card in cards against humanity lol

Remus Lupin: SIRIUS, WHY ARE THERE BEES IN THE FLAT?!?!

Sirius Black: why r u assuming its me?? this is profiling and i wont stand 4 it

Peter Pettigrew: the bees rnt mine

James Potter: pete you have to get one of us to kill the bugs in your room dont worry we know its not you lol

Remus Lupin: Sirius, you are the only one dumb enough to bring a box of live bees into this flat. Even James has more common sense than this.

James Potter: inspiring vote of confidence thanks m8

Sirius Black: how do u even know they r bees?

Remus Lupin: The buzzing is a big hint. As is the “iwantbees.co.uk” logo on the side of the box.

Sirius Black: alright so u know how im in the uni’s beekeeping society?

James Potter: since when??

Peter Pettigrew: omg y would u ever want 2 be around bees

Sirius Black: BECAUSE THEYRE DYING PETER

Remus Lupin: I thought you were joking when you said you joined beekeeping?? You were serious??

Sirius Black: *sirius and almost always ;)

Sirius Black: anyway we needed a new colony so i volunteered to order it. always looking 4 excuses to spend my familys not at all hard earned money

James Potter: of course

Sirius Black: but i maybe possibly definitely forgot to unmark the “shipping address is same as billing address” box. so. here we are. 

Remus Lupin: You’re going to give me more heart problems than I already have. Please remove the box of stinging insects from the flat ASAP. Peter won’t come out of his room until they’re gone.

Sirius Black: consider it done

 

--- 

 

Sirius Black to Chemistry Redhead: hey ur in the beekeeping society, right?

Lily Evans to Sirius from Chem: yeah ofc i am. save the bees and all that

Lily Evans: why?

Sirius Black: so i need a favour

 

--- 

 

Lily Evans to The Favourite(s): hey you all remember sirius, right?

Marlene McKinnon: that fit guy who comes over to borrow your chem notes sometimes?

Lily Evans: that’s the one

Dorcas Meadowes: yeah he and his mates are in my writing module. they’re a laugh 

Lily Evans: okay cool so i just agreed to do him a favour

Dorcas Meadowes: ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)

Lily Evans: ew omg no not like that he’s so not my type

Marlene McKinnon: he’s exactly my type so feel free to give him my number ;)

Lily Evans: hard pass. i share a wall with you. enough said

Mary Macdonald: so what’s the favour?

Lily Evans: you know how i’m in the beekeeping society?

Dorcas Meadowes: hard to forget it after the great honey surplus™ last term

Mary Macdonald: i could barely look at honey until well after christmas

Lily Evans: you’re all weak

Lily Evans: but anyway, sirius ordered something for the society and he asked if he could keep it here for like… just a few hours this afternoon while he’s in class. then he’ll pick it up and take it to over to the hives.

Marlene McKinnon: he can pick me up and take me over ;)

Lily Evans: ffs marlene keep it in your pants

Dorcas Meadowes: fine with me

Dorcas Meadowes: the storing something here for a few hours. actually also marlene keeping it in her pants

Lily Evans: great! and remember, it’ll only be here a few hours so just… keep that in mind

 

---

 

Mary Macdonald to The Favourite(s): BEES???

Mary Macdonald: THE THING HE IS KEEPING HERE FOR A FEW HOURS IS A BOX OF LIVE BEES?!?!

Lily Evans: now mary, please keep in mind that they are dying and we are nothing without them

Dorcas Meadowes: lol 

Mary Macdonald: DORCAS HOW ARE YOU SO CALM ABOUT THIS

Dorcas Meadowes: my mum went through an exotic pets phase as part of her mid-life crisis. but since she didn’t want to actually pay for any exotic pets, she just got a tarantula who i ended up mostly taking care of. im chill with insects and such now

Marlene McKinnon: what time is sirius coming to collect them?

Lily Evans: a little after 4 i think. like i said, just a few hours!!

Mary Macdonald: YOU ARE ON THIN ICE LILY EVANS

Marlene McKinnon: ugh i won’t be back by then

Lily Evans: oh yes what a shame

Lily Evans: also quick sidebar: black’s friend who came with him to drop the bees off is super fit

Dorcas Meadowes: which one? tall with specs, skinny and blondish, or the short one?

Lily Evans: tall with specs

Dorcas Meadowes: yeah i could have guessed lol. he’s def your type. cute face, gangly limbs, and seriously dorky

Lily Evans: hmm interesting… well fingers crossed i see him again sometime!

 

---

 

James Potter to Klaus: i think im in love 

Sirius Black to Legally Blind: james…. i never knew you felt this way <3

James Potter: oh piss off im talking about your beekeeping friend

Sirius Black: lily?

Sirius Black: lol shes so out of ur league

James Potter: rude but not untrue

James Potter: but like actually shes the girl of my dreams. shes beautiful and funny and she had a spiderverse tshirt on and im in love

Sirius Black: good 4 u

James Potter: i need to see her again. i need to win her over

Sirius Black: well short of you either joining my chem class halfway thru the term or developing a sudden interest in beekeeping, ur shit outta luck m8

James Potter: sirius… my best friend…. you know how i have always cared deeply about the bees. they are dying after all

Sirius Black: lol this oughta b good

Sirius Black: bee good that is

 

---

 

Sirius Black to Chemistry Redhead: thx again 4 keepin the bees at urs 

Lily Evans to Sirius from Chem: no prob! anything for the bees!

Sirius Black: do u know when the next meeting is?

Lily Evans: this friday i think 

Sirius Black: okay cool

Sirius Black: and uh… how mad would fabian be (bee lol) if i brought someone new along?

Lily Evans: probably pretty mad. he’s been quite hostile to newcomers since snape almost destroyed a colony when he was stalking me after our fight

Sirius Black: lol good times. his face puffed up so bad 

Lily Evans: yeah he’s like properly allergic to bees and i also hate him so like why did he come

Sirius Black: anyway… i might bring someone to the meeting friday so fair warning

Lily Evans: i’ll back you up with fabian don’t worry lol

 

---

 

James Potter to Squidward: remus… my dearest friend… will you come with me to beekeeping on monday? 

Remus Lupin to James Neutron: Wtf

Remus Lupin: Why?? Sirius is bringing you!

James Potter: yeh but he knows everyone there already so i want another new person with me

James Potter: also i am in love with that beekeeping girl and sirius wont help me

Remus Lupin: I am not helping you terrorize some poor girl at a beekeeping meeting omg

James Potter: youre a rotten friend

 

---

 

James Potter to Peter Piper: peter… my dearest friend…

Peter Pettigrew to Jams Paper: not even 4 money

James Potter: worth a shot

 

---

 

James Potter to Squidward: ill make you those brownies you really like 

Remus Lupin to James Neutron: Deal.

 

---

 

Lily Evans to Black and Yellow: i thought you were only bringing one person?? why are there three of them?? and why is one of them hyperventilating??

Sirius Black to Evanzzzzzz: i myself thought i was only bringing one until about 20 minutes ago. but here we are.

Lily Evans: why are they all here?

Sirius Black: well james (the one u met @ ur flat) said hes here for the bees. but he got nervous about being new so he brought remus. and peter is dead afraid of bugs but didnt want to feel left out lol

Lily Evans: you should at least send peter home lol

Lily Evans: or have him meet up with you after the meeting 

Sirius Black: prob a good idea. ill suggest it

Sirius Black: annnnd off to the pub he goes

Sirius Black: majestic bastard

Lily Evans: impressed with how fast he’s running honestly

Lily Evans: oh shit here comes fabian good luck lol

 

---

 

James Potter to Paddington Bear: is that ginger guy always so uptight lol

Sirius Black to Jimothy: kinda lol. hes nice but hes wary of newcomers after snivellus came last term and snaped everything up

James Potter: so like… how do i get lily to notice me

James Potter: and then go out with me 

James Potter: and maybe someday marry me

Sirius Black: ambitious

Sirius Black: but not my problem lol. im here for the bees. remus is here for ur lady problems

 

---

 

James Potter to Chocoholic: so uh…. what do i do lol

Remus Lupin to Bad With Women: You be quiet and listen to Fabian. This is actually quite interesting. 

James Potter: noooo i mean about lily

James Potter: remus?

James Potter: remyyyyyy

James Potter: you are two seats down from me stop ignoring my texts!!

Remus Lupin: Have you considered oh I don’t know… talking to her?? Maybe after the meeting? 

James Potter: but what do i say??

Remus Lupin: Maybe invite her to come with us to the pub? Tell her she can bring her friends?

James Potter: orrrrr i get sirius to do it and wait until i have alcohol in my system to feel brave

Remus Lupin: Why do I even bother?

 

---

 

Lily Evans to Remove the Furby from the Flat: hey so sirius invited me to the pub with his friends and told me to invite my friends so this is your invitation. we’re going to the one across the street from the sainsburys and are heading there now

Marlene McKinnon: YES 

Marlene McKinnon: LET ME LOOK FOR MY LINGERIE 

Lily Evans: also sirius’s friend james is super cute so like… anyone can feel free to wingwoman for me!!

Dorcas Meadowes: lol this is gonna be such a weird night i can’t wait

Mary Macdonald: yay! i’ll make sure we get going in the next 10 minutes because i don’t trust marlene to get ready quickly

 

---

 

James Potter to Pluto is a Planet Gang: how am i doing so far??

Remus Lupin: You’ve barely looked Lily in the eye the entire hour we’ve been here.

Remus Lupin: So pretty much as expected.

Sirius Black: stop hiding in the loo, do a shot of tequila with me, and then man up and talk 2 her. shes like the least intimidating person i know. she has a colour coordinated highlighting system for her notes lol

Remus Lupin: James, you remember what happened last time you had tequila

James Potter: pffft it was fine itll be fine lets do that shot sirius

Peter Pettigrew: i wanna do a shot 2!!

 

---

 

Peter Pettigrew to Lupus: think i hav a shot with dorcas from writing?

Remus Lupin to Pumpkin Eater: She’s a lesbian?? Like very proudly??

Peter Pettigrew: wait really?? r u sure

Remus Lupin: She literally shared a piece of writing in class the other day about her experience coming out!! As a lesbian!!! So yeah I’m pretty sure!!!

 

---

 

Lily Evans to The Furby Has Been Removed: do you think james hates me?? he is barely talking to me 

Mary Macdonald: noooo i think he’s into you! he’s been looking at you a lot when you aren’t looking 

Dorcas Meadowes: potter is an odd bloke don’t worry he’s probably nervous 

Marlene McKinnon: yeah sirius says he thinks youre fit 

Lily Evans: okay im gonna keep trying to initiate conversations with him

Lily Evans: aaaaand peter is down for the count nvm guess it’s time to call it a night

 

---

 

Sirius Black to Pluto is a Planet Gang: absolutely disgraceful behaviour last night peter. u were only at the pub for like an hour longer than us. u have brought shame upon this flat

Peter Pettigrew: sry!!! i think that tequila shot mixed badly with all the cheese i had b4 beekeeping 

Remus Lupin: Gross! Didn’t need that background info!

Sirius Black: also james– marlene put lily’s number in ur phone on the walk home last night. ur welcome lol

James Potter: YOU ARE MY SAVIOUR

James Potter: okay here goes nothing

James Potter: im gonna do it

James Potter: okay i mean it this time im doing it

Sirius Black: its been 20 minutes. do it or ill log onto ur icloud and do it 4 u lol

 

---

 

James Potter to Lily Evans ;): hey! this is james from yesterday/last night. your friend marlene snuck ur number onto my phone haha 

 

---

 

Lily Evans to Why is There a Furby on the Roof:omg james just texted me!!!

Lily Evans: he said u gave him my number, marlene? 

Marlene McKinnon: lol guilty

Dorcas Meadowes: how was sirius?

Marlene McKinnon: really good but probably just a 1 time thing. we both give off too much chaotic bi energy to ever be more than FWB lol

Dorcas Meadowes: an honest and fair assessment of the situation. i respect it

Lily Evans: at least it was at his instead of ours

Mary Macdonald: have you texted james back yet?? 

Lily Evans: ahhhh no i’m nervous!! 

Dorcas Meadowes: that boy did a writing exercise recently about how coming to terms with the fact that he may never be able to grow a moustache was like… one of the most consequential moments of his life. please do not allow him to make you nervous

Lily Evans: okay you’re right!! i’m a strong independent woman! i can text a hot guy back!

Lily Evans: no wait im scared

Marlene McKinnon: do it and ill remove the furby from the premises permanently. no loopholes

Lily Evans: DEAL

 

---

 

Lily Evans to James Potter: haha hey! sorry she did that she doesn’t really have boundaries

James Potter: lol ive been best friends with sirius for years so i completely understand having a friend with no boundaries

Lily Evans: haha glad to meet someone who gets it. and also, as i hear, a fellow bee enthusiast 

James Potter: oh yeh. love the bees. so important. where would humans bee without them? 

Lily Evans: haha nice pun ;)

Lily Evans: how’s peter feeling this morning?

James Potter: alive haha which is all we can really ask for 

Lily Evans: very true. im bummed the night had to end early but glad he feels better! 

James Potter: yeah it was a fun night! we should all hang out again sometime! 

Lily Evans: definitely! i’d love to get to know you more ;)

 

---

 

James Potter to Insane in the Rembrane: SOS LILY JUST SAID SHED LOVE TO GET TO KNOW ME MORE LIKE ME SPECIFICALLY WITH A WINKY FACE WHAT DO I DO

Remus Lupin to Jam Jar: Ask her out?? Like a normal functioning person??

James Potter: AHHHH OKAY IM GONNA DO IT

Remus Lupin: Are you giving yourself a pep talk to the Rocky theme song?? I can hear it from the living room

James Potter: HELL YES I AM LETS DO THIS!!!

 

---

 

James Potter to Lily Evans ;): would you maybe like to grab a drink sometime next week then? maybe take the mates out of the equation to prevent any sudden ends to the night? 

Lily Evans to James Potter: i’d love to :)

Lily Evans: want to go after beekeeping next week?

James Potter: yeh sounds great cant wait :) 

Lily Evans: can’t wait either :)

 

---

 

Lily Evans to Furby Free Flat: I’VE GOT A DATE WITH JAMES NEXT WEEK!!!

Mary Macdonald: yay congrats!!!

Dorcas Meadowes: well done. i think you and james would be good together. youre both weirdos but like in fun socially acceptable ways 

Marlene McKinnon: if youre gonna spend the night with him, make sure to go back to his. their flat is insanely nice 

Marlene McKinnon: and good job on the date and all that. proud of you

 

---

 

James Potter to Pluto Is Not a Planet Sirius: I’M GOING OUT WITH LILY NEXT WEEK!!

James Potter: also i think im now a permanent member of the beekeeping society

Sirius Black: congrats m8

Sirius Black: on the beekeeping society thing. very important cause. also i guess on the date or whatever 

Peter Pettigrew: yay!! happy i didnt ruin ur chances

Remus Lupin: Glad to hear you managed to ask her out!

Remus Lupin: I also think I would like to be a permanent member of the beekeeping society. It was a really interesting meeting.

Peter Pettigrew: i dont hav 2 be a member do i? 

Sirius Black: ur not allowed to be a member after yesterday lol

Peter Pettigrew: ok good

 

---

 

Marlene McKinnon to Siriusly Hot: hey random question

Sirius Black to Marlene McKiller: whats up 

Marlene McKinnon: would you be interested in a furby? lily is making me finally get rid of it and i figured you could find some things to do with it. 

Marlene McKinnon: its dead useful in driving your friends up the wall 

Sirius Black: WOULD I!

Sirius Black: hell yes bring that demonic thing over here. im gonna hide it in the ceiling lol

Sirius Black: and while we r on the subject, have you ever heard of the “longer furby”

 

---

 

James Potter to Lupin-ta Nyong’o: do you hear something?? like randomly making noise??

Remus Lupin to Jamesie Lannister: Okay yes I do. I thought I was going crazy.

James Potter: it sounds like its coming from the ceiling

James Potter: im gonna check in my room

James Potter: nope nothing there

Remus Lupin: nothing in my ceiling

Remus Lupin: I’ll check the living room

James Potter: are you okay??? i heard a shout 

Remus Lupin: Furby…. in the ceiling…. I didn’t know their eyes glowed… I think I’ve looked into the face of pure evil….

James Potter: ill yell at sirius for you don’t worry. you have a lie down and ill make some tea

 

---

 

James Potter to Closet 1D Lover: lol nice one with the furby

Sirius Black to Neopets Addict: thx m8 i was pretty proud of that one

James Potter: but if remus asks i totally scolded you

Sirius Black: i gotchu

 

---

 

Lily Evans to James: can’t wait for tomorrow :)

James Potter to Lily: same here :)

James Potter: ill see you at beekeeping <3

Lily Evans: see you then!! <3

 

---

 

Dorcas Meadowes to True Friends (by Hannah Montana): marlene what the fuck is this thing
Attachment: 1 Image

Mary Macdonald: omg that is horrifying

Marlene McKinnon: meet our newest flatmate: longer furby 

Lily Evans: it can have my room. im moving out.

Marlene McKinnon: don’t worry i only get it half the time. i’ve got joint custody with sirius

Dorcas Meadowes: so you’ve moved from friends with benefits… to coparents of a demonic meter long furby

Marlene McKinnon: its closer to 2 meters actually. but yes essentially

Mary Macdonald: well text sirius and tell him its his turn with the kid!!! reg is coming over later and he might actually have a panic attack if he sees that thing

Marlene McKinnon: im sure reginald can handle it. have a little more faith in him.

 

---

 

Marlene McKinnon to Co-Parent: lol can i bring the furby to yours? mary’s boyfriend started crying when he saw it. apparently he had a traumatic incident with a furby in his youth

Sirius Black to Furby Mum: lol havent we all?

Sirius Black: but yes bring him over i can use it to mess with james after the date tomorrow

Sirius Black: also can i have it for halloween this year?

Marlene McKinnon: lol that’s like 6 months away but yeah why? 

Sirius Black: i wanna dress up as britney spears’s iconic vmas performance with the snake but with the furby draped over my shoulders instead

 

---

 

James Potter to Lily: you look really pretty today :)

James Potter: sorry i didnt get to say so earlier

Lily Evans to James: aw thank you :)

Lily Evans: yeah fabian is really strict about starting meetings on time. sirius should have known better lol

James Potter: im going to pay attention now because remus keeps giving me dirty looks but i am really looking forward to tonight :)

 

---

 

James Potter to The Jonas Brothers (Including Frankie): this is the best date of my life

Remus Lupin: Happy to hear it!!

Peter Pettigrew: yay i like her she was nice wen i was sick

Sirius Black: u gonna be bringing her back here?

James Potter: nah im just enjoying getting to know her for now. hoping for a kiss at the end at most

Sirius Black: lol probably for the best

James Potter: why do you say that??

Sirius Black: no reason! have fun on ur date!!!

 

---

 

Lily Evans to Non-Negotiable Furby Ban: this was the best date of my life!! he’s walking me home now!!

Mary Macdonald: yay!!!

Dorcas Meadowes: too cute. glad it went well!

Marlene McKinnon: we will have a bottle of wine waiting for the full date recap. red or white?

Lily Evans: ugh love you ladies. lets go red

 

---

 

James Potter to The Jonas Brothers (Including Frankie): walking home now after dropping off the most amazing woman ive ever met after the best date ever!!!

Remus Lupin: Glad it was a good night!

Remus Lupin: Did you get that kiss? 

James Potter: yes :) 

Sirius Black: lily is still out of your league but good job managing to convince her youre worthy

James Potter: okay im about to get in and am exhausted. proper catch up tomorrow?

Remus Lupin: Sounds good! Peter is already asleep anyway

 

---

 

James Potter to The Jonas Brothers (Including Frankie): WHAT IS IN MY BED

James Potter: WHAT IS THIS 

James Potter: IS THIS A FURBY???????
Attachment: 1 Image

Sirius Black: ah yes meet “longer furby”. hes marlene and i’s child. thought you could use the company in bed since lily isnt here

James Potter: i hate you so much omg

Peter Pettigrew: whatsgpn on

Remus Lupin: Go back to bed, Pete. Sirius is just being dumb.

Remus Lupin: And if that affront to nature ever finds its way into my room it will be destroyed

Sirius Black: copy that

 

---

 

Lily Evans to James <3: i had a really great time last night :) 

James Potter to Lily <3: me too :)

James Potter: wanna hang out again soon?

Lily Evans: i would love to :)

James Potter: great :) 

Lily Evans: so glad beekeeping brought us together <3

James Potter: we especially have to save those bees now after what they’ve done for us <3

Lily Evans: bee still my heart <3

James Potter: bee mine? x

Lily Evans: it would bee my pleasure x

Notes:

(Please do yourself a favor and look up "Longer Furby" it's truly incredible and I literally laugh out loud whenever I see it. Also my uni really did have a beekeeping club so sorry if the existence of such a group sounded weird but it is indeed based on real life)

Thank you so so much for reading! Feel free to leave a kudos, comment, or bookmark. I will love you forever!!!

Come chat with me at my main blog (pareidolian.tumblr.com) or my fanfic sideblog (abby10fanfic.tumblr.com) xx

Series this work belongs to: