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Grantaire woke up slowly, still drowsy and a little confused. He was warm and more comfortable than he’d been in a while. R kept his eyes closed; all he wanted to do was fall back asleep, but something had woken him up and it nagged at him.
Then the bed shifted next to him and his heart rate skyrocketed as he realized there was someone else in his bed with him. Opening his eyes, he stilled as he instantly recognized the head of golden curls that was splayed out on the pillow next to him. He couldn’t see his face, but he knew it had to be Enjolras.
Enjolras was in his bed.
Grantaire started to panic. Enjolras was in his bed and he didn’t know why. He didn’t really remember yesterday. And that terrified him. He’d cut down on his drinking and hadn’t gotten black out drunk in a while and he didn’t feel like he was hung over, and the last thing he really remembered was Enjolras telling him to leave the meeting.
Vaguely he could hear Enjolras moving around him, but he curled into himself as panic continued to rise in his chest. What had he done to get Enjolras in his bed? How drunk were they? And what about Combeferre? A hand landed on his knee and he jerked away, terrified. Logically he knew that he was in his bed with Enjolras and despite all the issues with that; it was nowhere near as terrible as the memories of his father but those were all that were coming to mind.
Grantaire’s panic worsened and all he could do was gasp as more memories from his childhood came back to haunt him. More hands were pressed against him and he bit his lip to stifle a scream, only coming out as a whimper. He was pulled against a chest and hands gently grabbed his own hands, interlacing their fingers.
The chest behind him rumbled gently with a low calming voice and moved in a steady rhythm. His hands were squeezed gently at the same pace as the breathing of the body behind him. Slowly but surely his panic dwindled enough for him to be able to tell that the voice was counting in time with the breathing.
“Out, two, three, four.” Grantaire gasped again, trying to get in time. The voice stopped but squeezed his hands again. “Are you back with us Grantaire?” His mind still wouldn’t concentrate enough to tell who was speaking, but he managed to nod. “You’re doing fine. Just concentrate on breathing.” Grantaire managed to nod again, and the voice went back to counting.
Eventually, his breathing was under control, and he slumped back against the chest he was propped up against. His hands were squeezed lightly as a kiss was dropped on top of his head. Grantaire looked down at where his hands were interlocked with a familiar looking pair of hands. Idly he stated messing with the fingers, trying to place where he knew the hands from.
He froze when his brain finally made the connection that these weren’t Enjolras’ hands, and where had another person come from? Then he noticed the white EKG line on the inside of their wrist, and he started to tremble again.
“Hey, no. Don’t do that. We just got you back.” The hands squeezed his, grounding him and Grantaire finally placed who he was leaning against.
“Combeferre?” His voice sounded weak and pitiful, like it always did after a panic attack. Grantaire pulled away enough to turn around and face the other man. Combeferre didn’t resist, squeezing one of his hands gently before letting it go and then cupping the side of Grantaire’s face.
“Hey R, how are you feeling?” He just shrugged, not sure what exactly he was supposed to say. “What’s going on in your head right now? We kinda want to know so we can help you.”
“We?” As soon as he’d asked, Grantaire heard the door open and Enjolras came in, a glass of water in his hand. Upon seeing Grantaire calmed down, Enjolras immediately came over and deposited a kiss on top of his head, stunning Grantaire.
“How are you feeling?” It took a second, but Grantaire finally managed to find his voice.
“What is going on? Why are you here? Last thing I really remember was you yelling at me and telling me to leave.” Grantaire regretted bringing it up instantly when Enjolras took a step away from him with a wounded noise.
“Enjolras, it’s going to be fine. We’ll work through things.” Combeferre stared at Enjolras until the blond met his gaze and gave a small nod. Grantaire was torn by the uncertain look on Enjolras’ face and jumped slightly when Combeferre focused back on him. “You don’t remember what happened after the meeting?”
“I vaguely remember running home…” Grantaire racked his brain, trying to remember anything else. Obviously, something major happened if Combeferre and Enjolras had spent the night, in his bed no less. “Eponine was here?”
“And she called ‘Ferre because she didn’t want you to be alone.”
“Enj followed me even after I told him not to.”
“And Ep was pissed at that?” Grantaire vaguely remembered him being mad at her for something.
“She definitely wasn’t pleased. But she really didn’t want to leave you alone.”
“Oh my god. She told you. You guys know.” Grantaire immediately curled in on himself, flinching slightly when he realized he wasn’t wearing a bra on underneath his shirt. But that didn’t matter nearly as much as the fact that they both knew he was Wasting. They must have stayed the night out of pity for him.
“Hey. No. I can see those gears turning in your brain. We didn’t stay out of pity.” Combeferre gently lifted his chin up to look him in the eye. “We’re here for you because we love you.”
Everything came rushing back to him at that point. Enjolras and Combeferre were his soulmates. Tears started to weld up in the corners of his eyes and immediately he was folded into a hug between both of them.
“Hey, no. Don’t cry.” Combeferre gently thumbed away the forming tears.
“You’re still here.” Grantaire couldn’t keep the disbelief from his voice.
“Of course.”
“We promised we would.”
Grantaire still felt like crying, but it was mostly that he couldn’t believe this was truly happening. He’d always assumed that his soulmate would abandon him at the first opportunity. Now, not only had his soulmate stayed, he also had two of them and they were Enjolras and Combeferre.
“I’m awake right now, right?”
“Yeah, you’re awake.” Combeferre chuckled a little as he answered.
“What?”
“You asked that same question last night.”
“Oh.”
Nobody said anything for a while, all three of them relishing in the comfort of each other. Grantaire tried to focus on them, not wanting to forget another second in their company, but his mind didn’t cooperate. Everything got fuzzy until someone squeezed his hand, focusing his attention back on them.
“Hello again.” Combeferre smiled as Grantaire focused back in, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Right, as much as it felt like he’d gotten his happily ever after with his two crushes actually being his soulmates, he was still Wasting.
“I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“That I wasn’t strong enough and now I’m Wasting.” Enjolras made an unhappy sound at that, and Grantaire was immediately pulled into his embrace again.
“I swear you’ve done nothing wrong. And you absolutely have nothing to be sorry for.” There was a heavy silence between the three of them for almost a minute before Combeferre broke it.
“Grantaire, don’t take this the wrong way, but are you depressed?” Grantaire tried to duck his head, but Combeferre used two fingers to gently tilt R’s face up. He blushed but answered the question.
“Maybe? Well probably? I’ve never been diagnosed, but yeah probably…” Combeferre hummed for a second, thinking things over for a second.
“Have you ever been to a therapist?”
“Never been able to afford one.”
“If we pay for one, would you go?”
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to pay for me just because we’re soulmates. I can support myself.”
“We wouldn’t do it ‘just because we’re soulmates’. We’d pay for it because we’re concerned for your wellbeing. And we’re just talking hypothetically here. We can figure out actual finances later. If you could go to a therapist, would you?”
“Yeah, probably. But I’m confused where this is going.”
“I know last night you spouted some statistics about the survival rates of people who are Wasting. And for the most part they’re not wrong, but they’re not representative.”
“What are you talking about? I know I checked those stats at least three times.”
“I didn’t say they’re wrong, just not representative, especially of your case. The average age of someone Wasting is sixty-seven years old.”
“So? I’m an outlier. What’s your point?”
“If you look at cases of people Wasting under the age of thirty. The statistics tell a very different story. Almost all recorded cases of Wasting under thirty has been linked to depression and/or anxiety.”
“Okay? So, I probably have both. And?”
“And the survival rate for those who haven’t found their soulmate is thirty-four percent. And simply knowing your soulmate” Combeferre squeezed his hands in emphasis, reminding him that he has them. He has his soulmates. He’s not alone. “Survival rate rises to fifty-seven percent.”
“R, we’re going to get through this.”
“And with proper therapy and any necessary medication, survival rates jump up to somewhere around eighty-three percent.”
All Grantaire could do was stare at Combeferre, trying to process what he’d just been told. He opened his mouth a couple of times in an attempt to talk but no words came out. Combeferre squeezed his hands again, a soft smile on his face.
“Wasting is very hard on the body, and that’s why younger Wasters are more likely to survive. The effects are also more likely to be noticed earlier and they’ll get help sooner. But it also has a lot to do with mental health.” R ducked his head, knowing he’d known for a while but hadn’t sought out any help. Mental health was something he knew he struggled with. “Just like Enj said, we’re going to get through this. Together.”
Combeferre then dropped a kiss on Grantaire’s forehead and Enjolras embraced him from behind, wrapping his arms around his waist. He melted against him, feeling a spark of hope in his chest. Maybe he would actually get through this. He’d definitely need their help, but he could get through this.
“You’ve been so strong for so long, but you don’t have to do this alone anymore.” Enjolras then gently grabbed his wrist, lightly thumbing over the tattoo. “Can I ask about it?” Grantaire hesitated for a second before nodding.
“I’d just lost my sister and needed a reminder that I was still here.” They were quiet, waiting to see if Grantaire would continue or not. He took a shuddering breath and continued. “She committed suicide because our father found out her soulmate was a woman and threatened her that she would never be allowed to be with her soulmate, that she’d marry a man he’d chosen for her. She decided that was a fate worse than death, so she chose death.”
Grantaire paused for a second, and Enjolras gave him a comforting squeeze.
“I turned eighteen the next day and was trying to figure out how to get out and I was gonna take her with me. She was barely fifteen. She left a note explaining everything to me. She said I should be living my own life, not always having to protect and take care of her.” Grantaire paused again, taking a second to wipe away the tears that were dripping down his cheeks. “Between her note and my scars, I was able to get my father sentenced for life.”
“Good.” Enjolras squeezed him a little harder than he had before, and his voice almost sounded possessive. “We never stopped trying to find you.”
“Our father never stopped either.”
“You share a father?” Grantaire was very confused. Nobody had ever mentioned that before. But thinking about it, he couldn’t recall knowing anything about either of their families.
“Enjolras’ family adopted me when mine abandoned me when I was twelve. They never liked that my soulmate was another man, and when we figured out, we were part of a triad that was the last straw. They left in the middle of the night, when I had spent the night at Enj’s. Father got them charged with child abandonment and adopted me at the same time.”
“It was really easy because Papa and Father had already adopted Cosette and I.”
“I think it had more to do with the fact we were soulmates and they were the mayor and chief of police.”
“Wait, your parents are a mayor and a chief of police? And Enjolras has how many arrests on his record?”
“We’re all well aware of the irony.”
“Can I ask why you were adopted?”
“It’s a bit complicated, but while Papa and Father are romantic soulmates, Papa also had a platonic soulmate. She was my mother. She had a romantic soulmate with some asshole. He had another romantic soulmate and he chose her over my mother, leaving my mother when she was pregnant with twins. Neither Cosette or I remember much before we were adopted, but she’d given us to a daycare when we were six. We were treated horribly by the parents and sometimes the kids. We were practically slaves while the kids got to play, usually with two neighborhood kids. We were taken out when we were ten when our mother was Wasting, and our Papa found out.”
Grantaire found himself turning around to stare at Enjolras. Trying to process how he could be so calm about the horrible things he’d been through. And then something clicked in his mind.
“Oh my god…”
“What?” Enjolras frowned at him, confused.
“I’ve gotta call Eponine.” Grantaire immediately tried to jump out of bed but got tangled in the covers and ended up sprawled on the floor.
“Are you alright?”
“Why do you need to call Eponine.” Grantaire pushed himself up and started to look around, trying to spot where his phone might be. Enjolras joined him on the floor, placing his hands on Grantaire’s shoulders, getting him to look at him. “Calm down, for a second. Why do you need to call Eponine?”
“I’m pretty sure that Eponine’s family is the daycare that you were at. And Marius and I were the neighborhood kids.” Enjolras tightened his grip for a second, before nodding.
“Okay, that’s a lot to take in. But why do you need to call Eponine right now?”
“Ep has always thought her and Marius’ third soulmate was the girl. Sorry, I guess your sister. Her parents tried to limit her interact with you guys as much as possible, but she was almost certain. At least until she realized Marius was her soulmate. But then when they realized they had a third, she came back to her being their soulmate.”
“Maybe we should just call a meeting together. We could invite Cosette, I know she’s been wanting to join for a while now. She’s just been unsure because activism has always been Ferre and I’s thing.”
“Is just announcing it really such a good idea?” Combeferre, ever the voice of reason, looked down at the pair sitting on the floor.
“Can you really think of any other way? Besides if we told people in waves, you know people would get upset about not being told first.”
“I hate that you’re right.” Combeferre sighed, and then got up stretching for a second before holding out hands to help both of them up off the floor. Grantaire accepted his hand and nearly fell over when he got dizzy as he was pulled up on his feet. Combeferre didn’t hesitate to stabilize him, leaving Enjolras to get up off the floor on his own. “Maybe we should get some food into you before we do anything else.”
Grantaire blushed as his stomach growled loudly in response. The other two chuckled a little, both ducking down to kiss both his cheeks at the same time. Of course, this just made him blush harder. Looking up, a little squeak escaped him.
“What’s wrong?” Grantaire continued to stare up at them.
“I’d never really realized how tall you both are.”
“We’re not that tall. You’re just short.” R glared at them and yelped when Combeferre suddenly and easily picked him up.
“If you were taller. I couldn’t do this.” Combeferre suddenly easily picked up Grantaire, who yelped. He immediately wrapped his arms around Combeferre’s neck and buried his face in his shoulder.
“This is a much better height.” Enjolras quickly leaned over and kissed Grantaire’s forehead. “Why don’t you just let Ferre always carry you?”
“Enj is just jealous. He’s too scrawny to pick you up.” Combeferre whispered in his ear.
“Please don’t drop me.” Combeferre’s grip tightened.
“I’d never dream of it. Do you want me to put you down?”
“Yes please.” Grantaire hated how small his voice was, but he was immediately and gently placed back on his own two feet. “Thank you.”
“If I made you uncomfortable. I am sorry. I won’t do it again.” Grantaire just nodded, a little shaken. “Okay. I’m sorry again.”
“It’s fine. Bahorel is usually the only person whoever picks me up. I just wasn’t expecting it.” Combeferre frowned at him but didn’t say anything as Grantaire absently rubbed at his side where Combeferre knew scars lay underneath his shirt.
“How about we let you get dressed and then we can go to the Musain. Get you fed and wait for everyone to show up.” Grantaire nodded and Combeferre ushered Enjolras out of the room.
He took a second to sit on the bed and get his heart to slow down. He hadn’t been lying when he told Combeferre Bahorel was the only person who usually picked him. But his father had often used his larger size to easily man handle him, and it now terrified him to be picked up. He’d gotten used to Bahorel picking him up but that didn’t mean he really liked it that much.
Realizing he’d wasted enough time already, Grantaire hurriedly looked around his room for one of his binders and a clean shirt. He grimaced at how dirty his room was and was more than a little bit embarrassed by it. He pushed those thoughts away and focused on getting dressed. Slipping out of his room, he smiled when he saw Enjolras and Combeferre waiting by the door, both with smiles on their faces.
“Ready to go?” Grantaire smiled back at them and gave a small nod.