Archive of Our Own

One of her first memories of her brother was of his back.

Samatoki stood tall, arms spread wide and head tilted up to face their father's drunken scowl with a scowl of own. His body did not shake, nor did his gaze waver. He was an immovable wall, the only thing standing between her and her biggest fear.

"I won't let you lay a hand on her."

The drunkard's face twisted, a string of all too familiar curses echoing from his mouth as he pulled back his arm and-

The front door opened.

Mom's home.

Sensing their father's brief distraction, Samatoki grabbed her arm and ran. She stumbled and struggled to keep up with him as he led her into their shared bedroom, slamming the door shut and locking it behind them. In an instant he was kneeling before her, arms surrounding her in a tight embrace. Samatoki stroked her hair, and whispered soft hushes to calm her loud cries.

"I will always protect you, Nemu, no matter what."

Samatoki pulled her into his lap, and began to sing the beginnings of a lullaby.

Samatoki did not cry when their mother and father died.

This time he stood tall and firm against a new enemy. He held his chin high and fixed his glare on the police officers and their smiles, the lies bleeding from their mouths of how "It'll all be alright now, young man. Just come with us."

Samatoki knew what would happen if he followed them. They would throw him and his sister into the foster care system. With him being fourteen and Nemu only eight, it is not likely they'll be kept together. His fist tightened with his resolve.

I won't let anyone take her from me.

So he cooperated with the police officers, obeyed and responded with false niceties. Then as soon as they looked away, he took Nemu's hand and ran. Much like when they were fleeing from their father, Nemu stumbled and struggled to keep up with him. Samatoki doesn't know how long they ran for, he trudged forward and only was looking back to check on his little sister. Her breaths were coming out in heaves, hair disgruntled as she looked up at him with wide eyes. She had not uttered a word as they moved, but Samatoki could see the dried tear tracks that stained her cheeks. He stopped.

"Nemu, let's play the piggy back ride game. That's one of your favorites, right? Hop on Nii-chan's back." He kneeled down, and smiled at her while patting his shoulders. Nemu nodded frantically, and hurried over behind him. He pulled her up as she wrapped her arms securely around his neck.

"Onii-chan, where are we going?"

"We're gonna go on an adventure, Nemu. Like in those animes you love. So hold on tight, ya hear?"

Nemu visibly brightened and did as he said.

"Are we going to save the world, Nii-chan? Will we defeat the bad guys and become heroes?"

Samatoki grinned, "Yeah Nemu, but don't be afraid. No matter what bad guys appear, I'll always protect you."

He began to run again, his heart was hammering in his chest and his thoughts were rushing beyond comprehension. A heavy weight rested on his shoulders, and it had nothing to do with Nemu's arms there. When they finally reached their destination, the train station, Samatoki took the last of his cash and bought two tickets for the first train scheduled to leave. It didn't matter where they ended up, as long as it was away from here. Nemu had gotten off of his back by now. She held his hand and yawned as he led her onto the train. He chose to sit a seat farthest from the people already situated, and Samatoki gently pushed Nemu's head so it rested on his shoulder.

"Onii-chan, will you sing to me?"

Samatoki smiled, "Of course."

And so his voice hummed out the tune of a lullaby, hand stroking hers to ease her into a gentle sleep.

Above them a voice announced, "Now departing for Yokohama."

Winter was coming.

As the nights grew longer, the temperatures grew colder. It had been six months since he and Nemu had taken refuge in the streets of Yokohama. Six months of pickpocketing and careful thievery just to guarantee Nemu had at least one meal a day. He only sustained himself with the bare minimum needed to survive. It was more important that she was full and healthier than he was.

They barely had any possessions. They could never stay in one spot for too long, lest somebody had taken notice of two homeless kids who were stealing from their garbage cans. They slept in alleys and abandoned buildings, Samatoki always with both arms secure around his sister and Nemu always with her head rested on her brothers chest, fists clenched onto his shirt.

The summer weather had made things easier—if any of this could be called easy—but the cold forced itself upon them and refused to be ignored. Samatoki's birthday had passed a couple weeks ago, and brought with it a full fifteen years of age and a bitter fridgeness to the air he couldn't protect his sister from. Nemu shivered against his chest, the coat he found in a dumpster too big and not thick enough to keep her warm. His body was numb, victimized by the mere t-shirt and jeans he wore.

Samatoki needed to get them proper clothing and shelter, and he needed to get it now. If Nemu got sick, there would be no safe way to get her to a doctor, and if he got sick he wouldn't be able to steal them money for food.

Nemu's snores interrupted his train of thought, so he stopped thinking and carded his fingers through her long hair. The smoothness of the action and the evenness of her breaths lulled Samatoki to succumb to his exhaustion.

He closed his eyes and began to hum a lullaby.

Samatoki had made a mistake.

By now, he had pickpocketing down to an art. Never go for big targets. Only move in crowded areas. Aim for those distracted by a cell phone, or who were busy talking to a companion. Slide in and slide out, as if he was never there to begin with.

When Samatoki saw a man in what was clearly a designer suit, he knew it'd be a risk. The man was alone, and this corner of Yokohama had been regretfully less busy than usual. But he was yammering away loudly into his phone, seemingly caught up in whatever conversation he was having.

If he could steal that man's wallet, then he'd surely have enough to protect Nemu from this brutal winter. Maybe he would even get to have a meal for once, or have extra cash to buy Nemu some hand warmers. The possibilities were too tempting to resist.

So Samatoki made his way forward, head down and hands tucked into his jeans. He slowed his pace once he neared his target, eyeing the man's pockets to see which contained his wallet. Once he had located it, the left back pocket of the man's pants, he briskly shuffled behind him and snagged it with ease. Good, now he had to just continue walking away before-

"Oi."

Samatoki froze. A hand gripped his arm tightly.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

He turned his head and was met with a sharp glare. It didn't scare him, though. The man had nothing on the scowl of his father, ingrained into Samatoki's memory much more than he'd prefer to admit. So he squared his shoulders and tilted his chin up to look directly back into the man's eyes, body firm and projecting an immovable confidence he had learned as a mere child.

"Did you need something, old man?"

The man's brow furrowed deeper, "Hah? Who ya callin' old man, you fucking brat? I know you just stole my goddamn wallet."

Samatoki tilted his head in mock-confusion, "Sorry, you got the wrong guy. I haven't stolen shit from you. Now if you'll excuse me."

He tried to pull his arm out of the man's grasp, but his hold only tightened, and his nails were now digging into his skin.

"Listen kid, ya don't wanna make an enemy outta me."

"And I said I didn't fucking steal shit from you, so let go of me before I-" Samatoki's words were cut short when the other man suddenly grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. He moved his head up close to Samatoki's ear and whispered, "I told you not to make an enemy outta me."

He felt the sharp edge of a knife poking at his stomach.

Shit. He couldn't die here. Not with Nemu waiting for him to come back in a nearby alley. The money in this wallet was worth nothing if he couldn't be there to spend it for her. He should've given the wallet back the moment he'd been found out. If he gave it now, there's no guarantee this guy would let him walk free. He had to get away from here. He needed to run.

"Let Onii-san go NOW!"

Samatoki's heart stopped beating. He looked down, and to his horror, saw Nemu banging away at the man's legs with her tiny fists. What was she doing here? He had told her to wait in the alley and not move until he came back. Had she been watching the whole time?

But none of that mattered now. What mattered was Nemu had made herself known to a man armed with a weapon, and that same weapon was currently pressed against his stomach. The perpetrator could stab him and then go for his sister before he had any time to resist. Even if he by some miracle grabbed Nemu and ran now, what was to say this guy wouldn't track them down? Samatoki didn't have the cash to buy them a train ticket out of the district. They were stranded in the streets of Yokohama.

Samatoki had never felt such a deep rooted fear take hold of his heart than in this moment. Not even when his father used to beat him unconscious, or when he heard the two shots of a gun that ended his father's life alongside his mother's. He wanted nothing more than to throw himself on top of Nemu, and shield her while enduring the brunt of the knife stabbed into him as many times as it took to satisfy this man. He couldn't die here, but he much rather have Nemu walk away unharmed than have her die here with him.

The man tilted his head to focus his attention on Nemu, whose yells of protest had only grown louder. Samatoki's breathing hitched. The man's eyes flickered back and forth between the two for a couple seconds, before he let go of Samatoki's collar and took a step back, pocketing his knife. The instant he was released, Samatoki threw himself in front of Nemu, completely blocking her from the other's view.

"Well, well, well…" He started, sounding pompous, "I think I understand what's goin' on here."

Samatoki held Nemu's hand tightly behind his back, and used the other to reach into his pocket and toss the man's wallet onto the ground in front of him. "You got your wallet back. We don't have anythin' more to give you, so let us go quietly and don't seek us out again."

The man ignored him, "A little girl and her oniisan. Orphaned. Homeless. No way to provide for themselves other than t'steal outta pockets of the unsuspecting. S'quite the story ya got there, kid."

Samatoki's eyes narrowed.

"What if I told ya I gotta way to solve all those problems for you?" The man pulled a small card out of his jacket, and held it out towards him, "I'll get ya a job, even a provide a nice place for you and ya sista' to live."

Samatoki considered the card with a brief glance, "What's the catch?"

The man raised his arms in mock-surrender, "No catches. No tricks. I swear it." He grabbed his wallet from the sidewalk and pulled out a ¥10,000 bill, "Here, have some money along with the card as a show of good faith."

Samatoki took the contents of the man's outstretched hand and pocketed them. No matter how suspicious he was about the sudden charity, he wasn't stupid enough to deny free money.

"If ya decide to take me up on my offer," the guy began to walk away, "just go to the address on the card."

A few minutes passed where Samatoki didn't move. He just watched the retreating figure of the man until he disappeared, still unconvinced he wouldn't try to pull something and fuck him over. The offer seemed too good to be true. Life had never been good to Samatoki. He learned with everyday he lived that life was not fair, and it never would be. So what could this chance be, if not another attempt to ruin him further?

"Onii-chan? Did we beat the bad guy?" Nemu tugged on his shirt, pulling him out of his thoughts. Her eyes were wide and unblinking, as they often were when she was looking to him for reassurance. He kneeled down and placed a hand on her head, trying to muster up an encouraging smile, "Yeah, Nemu, we won. You were very brave."

Her smile was blinding. He often thought that no matter how dark and twisted the world grew to be, even if the sun itself burnt out and left the planet in nothing but black, her smile would be enough to save them all. And he would be damned if he let anything dim the brightness that constantly radiated from her. He would protect it until his last breath, and even after.

"But you can never do anythin' like that ever again, ya hear? It's too dangerous." Nemu huffed and crossed her arms, "If it's dangerous for me that means it's dangerous for Niichan too."

She had a point there.

"Your onii-chan can handle a lil danger, Nemu. S'my job as your brother to protect you." He ruffled her hair, edge of his lips tilting up at the indignant pout that grew on her face.

"I can protect you too, Onii-chan." She announced resolutely, stomping one foot on the ground. It caught him off guard, sometimes, just how alike they were. And whether that was a good or bad thing, he could not say. But in her eyes gleamed the same determination and strength her felt whenever he stood between her and danger. An unrivaled stubbornness that flowed through their shared blood.

And she did protect him, just not in the way she was thinking. She protected him from himself, from the unfair world that relentlessly tempted to crush him with every breath he took. She guided him with her light out of the darkness of his mind, which if not for her would be clouded with only hate and anger. She reminded him that he was not his father, and as long as she stayed beside him he never would be. She gave him a reason to live, to keep going even when every part of him screamed to make it end.

He knew she could protect him, so he told her, "Of course you can, Nemu. You did just save me right now, didn't ya? But still, promise me you'll never do this again. You gotta listen when I tell you to stay put."

Nemu bit her lip and considered it for a moment. Then she was smiling at him again, rocking back and forth on her feet, "Okay Nii-chan, I promise."

Samatoki smiled back at her, "Good. Now how 'bout we go buy you a new coat? I'll carry you." She giggled as he picked her up, and clung to his body tightly.

While he wandered the streets in search of a cheap clothing store, he murmured the lyrics of her favorite lullaby.

Here it was, the catch.

Samatoki stood in what had to be the shadiest area of Yokohama; dark buildings were towering over countless hidden alleyways, full of garbage and drug deals and prostitutes. People littered the area, huddled in groups and ceasing conversation as soon as he had walked past. Samatoki felt their eyes following him, but he just clutched Nemu to his chest tighter and strode ahead.

He had half a mind to turn back and never return here. But a week had passed since his encounter with that man, and he had only grown more desperate in his need to provide for his sister. No other places would offer him work and seeing Nemu was starting to show signs of a cold had pushed him to his last resort. Having brought her along was a last resort as well. After the incident, Samatoki had been keeping an even closer eye on her. He almost flat out refused to be away from her at all. There was no way he could leave her alone for even a second in an area like this. The only compromise he could make was to carry her, which seemed slightly less unsafe then having her trail by his side.

Samatoki glanced at the card in his hand and then back at the building in front of him. A staircase led down into what appeared to be some kind of bar, with a sign saying The Tavern hung on the entrance. This was definitely the place. He ambled down to the door and peered through the tinted window, but couldn't see anything except the telltale sign of light and voices confirming there were people inside.

Nemu tugged on his shirt, "Onii-chan?"

Samatoki hushed her, "I need you to be quiet for me, okay Nemu? I'm gonna put you down now." She looked like she was about to protest, but then bit her lip and nodded. He lowered Nemu to the ground and positioned her so she stood behind him, one of her hands holding onto his.

Here goes nothing.

Samatoki took a deep breath and entered.

Inside he was met with the overwhelming stench of cigarettes and liquor. The place was vacant except for a group of men sitting around a table playing poker and a bartender refilling their glasses. His arrival had been announced by the ringing of the bells on the door, and now all of them were looking up at him with their full attention.

"Kid, ya finally came, huh?"

Among the group sat that same man from a week prior, looking just as cocky and authoritative as in their last encounter, even more so with the alcohol flowing through his system. He was wearing a different suit—still designer—and had his dyed hair slicked back with a cigarette resting on his lips.

Takahiro Fujio.

That was his name, at least it was according to the business card he had given him.

"Ya know this punk, boss?" One of the other men spoke up, scanning Samatoki suspiciously, "He ain't look like much."

Samatoki bit his tongue to keep from making a sarcastic remark. The last thing he wanted was for this group of drunkards to attack him, even though this time he was smart enough to bring an old pocket knife he found in a dumpster incase the need for defense arose.

Takahiro stood and dismissed the others comments with the wave of his hand, "He's got business with me, Junko, stay out of it. Follow me, kid. I'll take ya to my office. You can leave ya sista' out here. They won't lay a hand on her, ya have my word."

For the first time since they entered the bar, the focus shifted from him to Nemu, who was peering out at the men from behind his legs. He could see them eye her with interest, previously unaware of her presence before Takahiro had mentioned her. Samatoki didn't like the looks in their gazes one bit.

"She stays with me."

Takahiro just shrugged and turned to head towards the door at the back end of the bar, "Sure, sure, whatever."

Samatoki followed him, hand firmly guiding Nemu out of the other men's sight. On the other side of the door awaited a staircase, which he assumed connected to the top half of the building. They trudged up the steps in an eerie silence that set his nerves on edge. Samatoki hoped he hadn't made a mistake by coming here. He prayed that this decision wouldn't put Nemu in any kind of danger.

Two flights later, Takahiro stopped in front of a room and moved to hold the door open. He gestured for Samatoki to enter, "After you."

Samatoki wordlessly continued inside, and Takahiro clicked the door shut behind them. He strolled toward his desk and leaned on it, then pulled out a phone and some headphones from his pocket. Takahiro held them out towards Nemu.

"Hey, ya wanna play a game while your brother and I have a chat?"

Nemu glared at him, "You're the bad guy who tried to hurt onii-chan! I won't let you hurt him! You'll have to go through me first!"

She rushed to stand in front of Samatoki, arms crossed and cheeks puffed out. It was all false bravado though, he could see her legs trembling. She really was too much like him.

Samatoki put a gentle hand on her shoulder, "It's okay, Nemu. Play on the phone. He's not gonna hurt me."

Nemu looked up at him, "But onii-chan-"

He gave her his best encouraging smile, "Don't worry. We're just gonna talk and you don't have to leave the room, alright?"

"Fine," she huffed, trotting over to snatch the devices from Takahiro's hand, "But I've got my eyes on you."

Takahiro's lips quirked up in amusement, "Naturally."

Once Nemu was situated on the armchair with headphones plugged in—and, true to her word, glanced up every few seconds or so—he began to speak.

"I'll keep it blunt, kid. I'm part of the yakuza, a boss, actually. And I think ya got the potential to be one of my underlings."

The yakuza. He can't say he didn't suspect as much. But something didn't add up, "What makes you think I wouldn't just waltz over to the police station and sell them this information instead?"

Takahiro laughed, "Don't be stupid. We both know ya wouldn't be caught dead anywhere near the police, not when just a lil poke into ya background would have 'em throw ya sis and you into some deadbeat orphanage somewhere. And even if ya did, I got influence everywhere, kid, they know who I am. But we keep it hush outta mutual interest."

Samatoki crossed his arms, "Fair enough. What kind of things would I have to do?"

"Deals, information seeking, collect money and merchandise. Gotta be a little willing to get ya hands dirty. We can discuss specifics once I give ya your first assignment. If your up for it, that is."

Get his hands dirty. But weren't they, already? Even if it was for survival, he had stolen from innocent people. How far would he have to go? Would he have to hurt people, to threaten them? Would it reach the point where he had to kill? Samatoki didn't think he could handle being the cause of someone's death. Not with the looming fear of becoming his father ever present on the forefront of his mind.

"And you'll provide for me and my sister? How much?"

"As much as ya need, kid," He gestured widely, "I own many apartment complexes, I'll give ya one t'live in. A generous paycheck too, enough so ya sista' will never hafta' live in hardship again, as long as you do as I say, no questions asked."

No questions asked, huh?

Samatoki looked over to where Nemu was sitting, tapping away at whatever game was now occupying her attention. Her legs swung back and forth, and she was humming a familiar melody.

If it was for Nemu, then-

"I'll do it."

Takahiro clapped, "Good, good, I knew you were a smart one. I just have one requirement before we talk business."

"A requirement, what is it?"

"Your name, kid."

He blinked, and then nodded, "It's Samatoki. Aohitsugi Samatoki."

"Well then, welcome aboard, Samatoki-kun."

By the time Samatoki was nineteen, he was feared as the most powerful yakuza in Yokohama.

When he sauntered down the streets people would avert their gazes to the ground and scurry away. When he entered a store shopkeepers would drop to their knees and offer up their money. Among his men he was treated with the utmost respect and superiority, even by those much older than him.

He was far from unaware of the rumors that plagued his name.

Have you heard? That's Aohitsugi Samatoki, he's youngest yakuza boss there's ever been. He killed his superior just so he could take charge for himself. I've even heard he's murdered dozens of people, his own men too. Anyone who angers him is good as dead.

It was all simply that, of course. Baseless rumor. Takahiro had been shot by a rival group months ago, and as his right hand man Samatoki was obligated to take his place at the top.

He had never asked for any of this. He had never wanted any of this. His hands surely weren't clean, far from it, but he had never taken a life with them. He never raised them against a woman, or a child. He always gently returned the offerings of the shopkeepers, and ordered his men to not go around the streets harassing innocents. No one understood the burdens he had to take on at a cruelly young age, and no one could have guessed why he had taken such a position in the first place.

No one knew him at all, no one except-

"Onii-chan! You're home!"

Nemu.

He smiled, "I'm home."

She scrambled over to where he was slipping his shoes off and smiled back at him, "Welcome home."

"How was school?"

"It was good. I had my art class today."

Samatoki made his way over to the couch and sat on it, stretching out his arms and legs with a groan, "You really like those art classes of yours, don't ya?"

Nemu plopped down next to him, "Yeah, they're relaxing. Sensei says I have a real talent for it too."

"That's my girl," He put his hand on her head and lightly ruffled her hair. She giggled, but then looked away from his eyes and down to her hands. They were twisting and tugging on each other like they always did when she was anxious. He waited. With Nemu, he had learned, it was always better to wait until she was ready to talk rather than pushing her to.

"Actually, Onii-chan," Nemu picked at the underside of her nails, "I made something for you."

He blinked, surprised, "You made me something?"

"Yes, um, well, it's not anything special, really, but-" Her eyes flickered up at him quickly before shooting back down to her hands. Her face was blushing a deep crimson as she reached into her pocket and held out her palm, "Here."

In it was an amulet, triangular in shape and silver in color, attached to a black necklace. Silently, he took it from her and twirled the pendant in his fingers. It was smooth, and gleamed as light hit it from different angles.

"You made this? For me?"

She nodded, pulling at the ends of her hair.

Samatoki's heart squeezed in his chest, and he felt his eyes heat up with emotions that overwhelmed him: surprise, gratefulness, affection, joy, love.

"Do you like it?"

He reached forward and pulled her into a tight hug, "I love it, Nemu. It's perfect."

And it was perfect. It made everything worth it. The bad mouthing of his name, the burdens of his position, the nights where he scrubbed away at his hands to wash off blood that never seemed to disappear. Every criminal act that damned him, every person that cursed him; he didn't regret it at all. Not when he was able to have this in return.

A few stray tears slid down his face, and he squeezed Nemu a little tighter.

"Are you crying, Nii-chan?"

He sniffled, "I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not."

He felt her body shake with her suppressed laughs, "You are."

Samatoki broke away from her embrace and wiped at his eyes, "Whatever."

This time she couldn't hide her laughter. She clutched at her stomach and giggled so hard she started snorting. He huffed and folded his arms, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing it's just," she paused, still giggling, "I'm happy."

Samatoki felt it return at those two words, an all encompassing surge of love that took hold of him. He had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from crying again.

"Yeah, me too."

Nemu smiled at him, and he thought the world was always a better placed when she smiled. It was worth it, for sure. He could endure any pain as long as he saw her happy, just like this.

"Put it on for me."

She took the amulet from his hand and reached around his neck to clip the chain together. Leaning back, she patted his chest and nodded, "There."

"Thank you Nemu, I'll treasure it."

He paused, then pulled her over so she was pressed up against his side, "How 'bout we watch a movie or somethin'? You pick this time."

"Even if it's anime?"

Samatoki rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah, even if it's a shitty anime."

Nemu reached for the remote and turned on the TV, flicking through the options before settling on one. She leaned back and curled into his side once again, head rested on his chest and eyes focused on the screen. Samatoki absentmindedly reached for his necklace, and began twirling the amulet in his fingers.

His gentle humming was drowned out by the loud echoes of the television blaring in the background.

There was one thing in the world Samatoki could not protect his sister from—her own nightmares.

She had always had them, more than what was normal for any kid, but he knew that the trauma of their past wasn't something he had the power to undo. He had tried to find ways to lessen them over the years; Nemu was terrified of the dark, so he bought her some fairy lights to hang around her bed and glued glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling. For her ninth birthday, he had gotten her a giant penguin plushie for her to cuddle on the nights when Takahiro's demands hadn't allowed him to come home. Even at sixteen, there wasn't a day that went by in which she wasn't squeezing it to her chest as she slept.

While those attempts did help, they weren't enough to prevent the times she had woken up screaming and crying his name. When she was younger, it was easier to console her as he always slept by her side. Growing up had forced Samatoki to give Nemu the distance any teenage girl needed to have, nightmares or not. However, that hadn't prevented him from rushing to her room at the slightest sound of distress and laying next to her when the horrors of her dreams refused to go away. He could tell she didn't mind much either, by the way she curled into him and buried her face in his chest just like she had when she was a child.

Yet the nightmares had grown uncontrollable. He woke nightly to her wails echoed throughout their home. Each time it had grown harder and harder to pull her out of her sleep; it had even come to the point where he needed to yell to get her to come to her senses. Nemu would flail and screech variations from his name to Please, make it stop, don't hurt me. And when she finally woke up it was followed by sobs that continued for hours. Tears soaked through Samatoki's shirt as he clutched her in his arms and whispered words of comfort.

Not even her beloved lullaby could put her at ease.

The effects of this bled into her daily life. She stumbled around the house, and bumped into things more often than not. There was never a time in which her hands weren't twisting or picking at her skin. Her grades plummeted so much he had been called into the school for a conference, teachers at a loss for why their best student had suddenly become one of their worst. Nemu's eyes were hollow when he looked into them, and all the smiles she gave in attempts to reassure him that Yes, Oniichan, I'm okay grew more forced by the day. It had been months since she beamed at him in her special way that lit up his world, and Samatoki was angry he didn't have someone to punch for dimming that brightness. The source of her pain was long dead.

"Nemu, I think we need to see a doctor."

It was a night like any other, Nemu settled on his chest, hours of cries now numbed down to mere whimpers. She was trembling in his arms. He had wanted to seek out professional help for a long time now, but when he brought it up a few weeks prior Nemu had shut him down immediately.

"I-I'm fine, Onii-chan. I don't need a doctor."

"What part of this seems fine to you?" he snapped. Nemu flinched, and his anger softened. Not anger at her, not ever. Simply anger at his own powerlessness.

"Listen, you can't," he sighed, "Why do you keep lying to me? You can tell me you're not okay, Nemu. You can ask for help, you know that, right? Why do you insist on making yourself suffer?"

Her response was muffled by her face pressed into his chest.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you."

"I deserve to."

Samatoki yanked her away from him so he could look her in the eyes, but she wouldn't meet his gaze.

"I'm just a burden to you, oniichan. I always have been. You'd take father's beatings for me. You starved and stole while we were on the streets. You got caught up in the yakuza so I could live comfortably," Her words became more frantic as she continued, and the tremors of her body grew stronger, "I've ruined your life. Even right now, you don't get to sleep because I selfishly keep you up every night. You've suffered so much for my sake, and I don't deserve any of it. Father always said it was all my fault. He was right."

"What the hell did you just say?"

Nemu's breaths were coming out quick and panicked. Her eyes were scrunched closed, but that didn't stop tears from flowing down her face.

"How could you ever fucking think that? Why would you ever think you're a burden to me? Ruined my life? Suffered because of you?" His face now stained with tears to mirror hers, "Nemu, Nemu, look at me, please."

She slowly opened her eyes, which widened when she realized he was crying too. Her bottom lip wobbled.

"You have never been and never will be a burden to me, understand? You haven't ruined my life, you give my life meaning. Everything I do, I do because I love you." Samatoki cupped her cheeks in his hands and wiped at her tears, "Please don't think otherwise."

Nemu hiccuped, "I-I love you too, Nii-chan. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

He dragged her back into a hug, "Don't be sorry. S'my fault for not telling you otherwise. You know how shitty I am at verbally expressing my feelings."

"It's not your fault. I never said anything."

"Everything that man ever said to you was fucking bullshit. Don't believe a word that came out out of his goddamn mouth. It was his fault, all of it. Not you or me or mom. If I could bring him back to life just to kill him again myself I would," Samatoki snarled.

Nemu laughed weakly at that, "Thanks Onii-chan."

He rubbed circles on her back gently, "You don't have to thank me, Nemu, you know I'd do anything for you."

They laid in silence for a few minutes, nothing to be heard but their steadied breaths and Nemu's small sniffles.

She spoke up, "I want to go see a doctor."

He smiled, "Good. I'll book an appointment first thing in the morning. I found one in Shinjuku who's supposed to be the best of the best."

The silence stretched a little longer.

"Hey Onii-chan, could you sing for me?"

So he did. And she slept straight into the morning, more peacefully than he had seen in months.

He and Nemu never fought.

Sure, they'd bicker and squabble just like any other pair of siblings would. It'd be hard not to with how stubborn they both were. But never once had they raised their voices at each other.

That's why the present situation was downright terrifying.

Moments ago Nemu had stormed out of their home, face drenched with tears as she screamed, "FINE! IF YOU WANT ME GONE SO MUCH THEN I'LL JUST LEAVE NOW!"

Her words sliced into Samatoki like a knife, the prior frustration and irritation he felt during their argument disappearing into thin air. Instead, he only carried the heavy weight of regret in his chest. He hadn't meant for her to get this upset. No, screw that. He knew the topic upset her to begin with, and he'd brought it up anyways. But he had to. It was for her own good, even if it wasn't what she wanted to hear. She couldn't avoid it forever.

The boom of thunder outside jolted him out of his inner monologue.

Fuck. It was pouring, and dark. Nemu couldn't be out there alone. Especially not at night in Yokohama.

He grabbed his phone and bolted out the door, dialing her number. It rang once, twice. No answer. Just the chirpy recording of her voicemail echoed back at him, "Hi, this is Nemu! Sorry I couldn't answer at the moment, please leave a message and I'll get back to you soon! Have a lovely day!"

"Nemu. I'm sorry. Please call when you hear this, and come home safely." His voice was ragged as his dashed down the streets, rain soaking him from head to toe.

Samatoki called her again. And again, it rang straight until he heard the familiar, "Hi, this is Nemu! Sorry I coul-"

He pressed the end call button and slammed his fist into the nearest wall, "Goddammit Nemu." His breaths were coming out in heaves, and the rain was so heavy he could barely see a foot in front of him. Samatoki dialed her number again, and resumed running.

Ring.

"Nemu, we have to talk."

"About what, Nii-chan?"

Ring.

"You know what, Nemu. You're eighteen now. You're graduating in a couple months, and you still haven't chosen which college you're gonna study at."

"I told you I'm going to the local university in Yokohama."

Ring.

"Don't give me that crap. I know you got letters from Kyoto and Osaka."

"I don't wanna go there Nii-chan."

Ring.

"They're two of the best schools in the country Nemu. If you go there your future is set for sure. You gonna pass up that for some deadbeat one in Yokohama? It's safer there, too."

"Nowhere is safe anymore. Not with those hypnosis mic's around."

Ring.

"Don't dodge the question. You know what I meant."

"There's nothing wrong with Yokohama."

Ring.

"There's a shitton wrong with Yokohama. I would know, I run it. You can't stay here forever. Go to Kyoto or Osaka, it'd be good for you."

"Kyoto and Osaka are over five hours away by car."

"I know that."

Ring.

"I wouldn't be able to live here anymore."

Samatoki's fist clenched hidden under the table, "I know."

Ring.

"We wouldn't see each other for months."

"I kno-"

"You KNOW?!"

No answer.

Samatoki was rushing around corners and down alleys blindly now. He had no idea where she could have gone, if she was hurt. Panic clouded any rationality in his thoughts. He shouldn't have pushed her. He just wanted what was best for her, as always.

"I just want you to be fucking happy Nemu!"

"WHY WOULD LEAVING YOU MAKE ME HAPPY?"

His cell phone rang. He didn't even check who it was before answering and slamming it against his ear, "Nemu?!"

"Not quite," the familiar sound of Jyuto teased.

Samatoki growled, "I don't have time for your shit right now, Jyuto. My sister's fucking missing and-"

"Well then you'll be pleased to hear I have her in my care."

"Hah?"

"Your little sister's with me, at my apartment," He repeated.

Samatoki felt his body relax, "I'll be there in ten."

"Naturally."

Then Jyuto hung up. Samatoki sighed, and pushed a hand back through his hair, wondering how Nemu ended up there. Not that it mattered much, at least he knew she was safe. He started his way back home—the rain having slowed down to a mere drizzle—and was now uncomfortably aware of the wet clothes sticking to his skin. He considered changing, but instead decided he wanted to see Nemu as soon as possible, so he grabbed his keys and got into his car.

As promised, Samatoki arrived at Jyuto's place ten minutes later. Jyuto greeted him at the door with a short, "She's on the couch."

Without another word, Samatoki made his way over to the living room. He heard Jyuto mutter under his breath, "Oh you're welcome, Samatoki-kun. And don't bother taking off your shoes. Just track mud all over my floor, it's no problem."

Nemu was seated in front of a heater, a large blanket wrapped around her tiny frame. Her back was turned away from him, but he could see the tremor of her body—probably from the cold dampness of her hair. He gently lowered himself down to sit beside her. Neither looked at one another.

"Nemu."

She flinched, making Samatoki's gaze snap over to her face, where she was staring determinedly at Jyuto's beige wall like it was the most interesting thing she had ever seen. Her eyes were puffy and swollen.

"I'm sorry Nemu."

Her lip trembled, and she bit into it harshly. Then, she took a deep breath, "Why?"

"Why what?"

Nemu whipped her head around to look at him, red burning with desperation, "Why do you want me gone so much, Niichan? Why are you so determined to get rid of me? Am I that much of a burden to you? Am I-"

He cut her off before her anxiety could spiral up anymore lies, "That's not why Nemu, and you know it."

"Then tell me, and don't say it's for my own good. That isn't good enough-"

"But that's the truth, even if it's not what you wanna hear. Yokohama's got crime on every corner, illegal hypnosis mic rates are rising. Even my influence isn't enough to stop some fucker from jumping out and hurting you at any second. It's not like that in other places, you could be happier there. Live a better life."

"That is not for you to decide!" she cried, "I'll never be happier than when I'm with you, I'll never live a better life than when we're together. Why can't you understand that Niichan? Aren't you the one who fought so we wouldn't ever be separated?"

Samatoki fell silent.

On one hand, he was elated. Happy that his little sister felt as strongly about them staying together as he did. In truth, he didn't want her to leave him. He was terrified of being alone, scared of living without his light in a city clouded by darkness. But on the other, he didn't want to be the one to hold her back, not more than he already did. He knew how other people whispered to Stay away from that Aohitsugi girl, her brother's a yakuza. He knew Nemu was ostracized by her peers at school because they feared his reputation. But if she went away from here, far enough that people weren't wary at the mention of his name…then maybe others would see her for how she truly was. Brilliant. Gentle. Kind.

"If I may intervene," Jyuto interrupted. They both averted their attention to him as he entered the room and pulled out a cigarette.

"Don't smoke around Nemu," Samatoki instructed.

"This is my apartment," Jyuto retorted, but didn't move for his lighter. Instead, he rested the unlit cigarette on his lips, "The two of you are so alike, it's astonishing you cannot comprehend what the other is trying to express. Stubbornness can be quite blinding, so allow me to simplify it for you. If not, I fear we may be stuck here until dawn."

In one fluid motion, he snatched the cigarette from his mouth and pointed it towards Samatoki, "You wish for Nemu to go away to school. Believe it will free her of her ties to you, the no good yakuza brother, and allow her to live safely, studying towards a happy future much better than your own."

Samatoki grunted.

"However, this desire is all too self sacrificing and self destroying. What you are not saying, due to your concerningly tsundere personality, is how hard it will be to live with your sister out of your reach. That you don't want to taint her with your own shortcomings and have convinced yourself she can be much happier without you," he elaborated.

"I am NOT a tsundere, four eyes!"

Jyuto ignored him, and adjusted his cigarette so it was now directed at Nemu, "And you, my dear, you wish to stay and live with your brother while pursuing your education. Conclude it is what will make you happiest regardless of any outside influences."

She nodded slowly.

"Nevertheless, you are not verbally admitting that the thought of being on your own is a terrifying feat. There has never been a time in which the two of you were apart, no? To suddenly not have your brother beside you doesn't seem worth anything in the world. Not your safety nor your future."

Samatoki watched as Nemu's gaze flitted down to her hands, which were now twisting and tugging at each other anxiously. He hadn't considered that. Hadn't thought she would be just as reluctant as him to be alone. Nemu attracted people like moths to a flame, her compassionate and friendly nature impossible to ignore. Why would she not instantly click in a new city with new people, and forget all about her connections to her brother? Her brother who only hogged all of her benevolence for himself. Maybe that was ignorant of him, to assume she would be okay. He let his own insecurities drown out the fact that his sister held onto him just as dearly as he held onto her.

Jyuto took their silence as his cue to continue, "I concur, Yokohama is not the best place for a young girl to reside, and if the opportunity presented itself I would encourage her to seek out better alternatives." He tapped his chin with the tip of his index finger. "But I also admit that no matter what may objectively look like the best option for her, only she alone can decide what will make her happy, and that must not be ignored."

Samatoki hated to admit it, but Jyuto was right. He usually was, even if the way he way he cross-examined them like they were a particularly simple case study pissed Samatoki off.

Beside him, Nemu took a deep breath and turned to face him, "Onii-chan, I know you want to protect me. I know you want me to have a comfortable life without any struggles, but it's not realistic. No matter where I go or what I do, I'll always encounter trouble." Her nails dug into her arms as if to force herself to continue. "If I stay here, sure, there's a chance someone may try to hurt me, but what's stopping that from happening wherever I go? And if I have to be hurt, I rather it happen where I know you'll be with me."

"And it-" she clutched her hand over her heart and finally looked him in the eyes, "It would hurt me more than any person ever could if I had to leave you."

Samatoki's eyes widened comically, and he forced away the glossy film that had clouded them over. Usually he allowed himself to cry in front of Nemu, to give her that vulnerability he didn't allow anyone else, but he was painfully aware of Jyuto's stare on him as he awaited his response. She was so strong and she had grown up much quicker than Samatoki could accept. But if he could take pride in anything he had ever done, it was that he had raised her to become this way.

Never as gifted with words as his sister, all he could force out was a, "Yeah, me too." Heavy emotion clung to those three simple words, and by her pacifying expression he could tell she understood what he had been thinking.

"So I can stay?"

Seeing her hopeful expression, he thought he should have known from the beginning that he would never deny her anything.

"If that's what you decide, then sure."

Nemu smiled, and the corners Samatoki's lips curled up in response. Jyuto clapped his hands together, "Well, now that that's settled. Samatoki, go get the mop of out my closet and clean my floors. You've wrecked them with your muddy shoes. Nemu, can I get you anything? Hot chocolate, perhaps?"

"I'm not your fucking housemaid," He grumbled, making a point to bump his shoulder into Jyuto's as he walked towards said closet in the hallway with said mop.

"Hot chocolate's fine Jyuto-san." Nemu chimed, "Thank you for your help."

Even though he couldn't see it, he heard the smile in Jyuto's response, "It was my pleasure. Your brother can be quite the handful. Feel free to take refuge here anytime you'd like, you're much better company."

Samatoki rolled his eyes and hummed absentmindedly as he scrubbed the mop across the floor, the sound of Nemu's laughter echoing in the other room.

One of her first memories of her brother was of his back.

And for the years that followed, she always watched him from behind as he protected her. She had become familiar with the silhouette that never wavered, the set of his shoulders that made his place before her unmovable and unchallenged.

Now as she glanced back, she saw him standing behind her with a big bouquet of flowers and a smirk gracing his features.

"Nii-chan, I told you you didn't have to come with me. It's only orientation. And what's with the flowers? Stop making such a scene, it's embarrassing."

"Whaddya mean? My baby sis is going to college, this is a pretty big deal. Look at you, you grew up so fast, now you're gonna forget about your poor onii-san-"

"You're ridiculous. We live together. I'll be out of here and back home in an hour," She huffed.

"Back home and officially a college student." He teased.

Nemu shook her head and giggled, "Uh huh. Are you gonna cry? Do I need to get you some tissues Mr. Hardcore?"

Samatoki chortled at the use of his mc name, "Whatever smartass, just take your flowers and go." Nemu laughed harder at that, grabbing the bouquet from his hands. "C'mon Nii-chan, let's take a photo."

He grumbled as she pulled out her phone and flipped the camera, centering the screen so it captured them, the flowers, and the looming building of Yokohama National University behind them.

"Smile!"

Click.

Samatoki looked down at the photo, "Satisfied?"

She nodded, "I'll send it to you." Nemu wrapped her arms around her brother in a tight hug―crushing the flowers between them in the process―and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. "I have to go now, I'll see you later."

He ruffled her hair, "Yup, get going. Wouldn't wanna be late on your first day."

She started to walk away, yelling back, "Love you Nii-chan!"

"Love you Nemu." Samatoki echoed.

She smiled and entered the building, a little anxious, but knew just what to do to calm her nerves. Softly, so that it was only audible to her ears alone, Nemu began to sing.